JAN8573's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=JAN8573 JAN8573's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ thinking I've gained more weight than I have http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5547102 When I first lost 65 pounds, I saw myself as thin and I felt thin. But after three years, I was used to it and back to thinking I am fat. I know some of it is not true, but it's hard to see my real reflection in the mirror. <BR> I add fat mentally. <BR> <BR> So I ordered jeans in a larger size. They came yesterday, and they are all too large. I tried on the too-tight jeans, to find they aren't as tight as I thought they were. Yes, I've gained some around my torso. But not as much as ... Thu, 21 Nov 2013 16:56:46 EST so bad at this social stuff http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5542099 I seldom think of my Spark Page or the blog, and when I do I feel uneasy about it. Being socially awkward, the community stuff is hard. <BR> But I'm bad at it, trying again, and will try harder to do the community stuff. As they say, members who do tend to be more successful. <BR> <BR> Trying so hard to be okay with not being able to exercise as much, due to limitations. In the past I've walked when I have urges to eat. Can't do that as often now. So I'm eating a little bit too mu... Fri, 15 Nov 2013 16:56:41 EST they can't all be good days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5403776 It's the end of the month, the effect from the Tysabri infusion (for MS) have mostly worn off, and I am stuck with extreme fatigue and muscle weakness. And therefore not able to exercise, more than the walk to the doctor's office and back to pick up a prescription this morning. (No way could I justify taking the bus for that, a 12-minute walk each way, though it felt like walking up a steep hill.) <BR> I am still surprised that I am actually using the workout videos, and have found more o... Thu, 27 Jun 2013 16:58:50 EST small steps http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5400482 I seem to swing from jubilation with the results I am seeing, and frustration that the results aren't bigger. Patience, I tell myself -- something I don't have a lot of. Celebrate the good, and remember that old annoying saying, "slow and steady wins the race". I doubt it would actually win a race, but it's something I am taking to heart for running my life. <BR> And I am very glad for the small steps, the increased strength when exercising or just going through my day, the increased sta... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 17:53:25 EST I feel so good after a workout! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5387215 And I feel so good about it, really improves my mood which often needs a lift in the afternoon -- I work out in the afternoon, have found it works better. I see real progress in the strength of the muscles and in my stamina, being able to last longer. <BR> Alas, not change to weight or measurements. But I'm taking success where I find it. And anyway, I already knew that exercising makes no difference to my weight, that it's all how much I eat. Wed, 12 Jun 2013 18:12:16 EST learning to be gentler with myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5343477 After all the years of counseling, all the work I've done on myself, and still have so much to learn. Right now I'm working on knowing when to stop exercising, when it's as much as I can do, and not beating myself up for not doing more. <BR> I've always been so much harder on myself than on others, never being satisfied even when I can do it all, so not being able to do anywhere near "all" is hard to deal with. I get frustrated and want to completely stop: why start if it's not going to b... Thu, 2 May 2013 16:48:37 EST making progress http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5339892 Today I managed to do an entire 26 minute workout, that previously I had only managed to do 18 minutes of, and I felt stronger doing it! I am so pleased, and proud of myself for doing them. Really expected the dvds would sit there and collect dust, but I'm actually doing it. <BR> And I have decided to concentrate more on eating well and less on how many calories I take in, being sure to increase the calories as I increase the exercise. Minimal weight loss, but I haven't gained any and th... Mon, 29 Apr 2013 19:25:14 EST the reason behind my goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5337245 I tend to feel inferior, timid, uncertain of myself, awkward....when I am thinner and in shape, my self-esteem is infinitely higher. I feel confident of myself, and that is such a good feeling. I want to feel like that a lot more of the time. Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:27:37 EST fighting end of the month blues http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5335349 I get an infusion, my MS medication, at the start of the month and get energy from it. This last week is a tough one, and I have a bad habit of beating myself up about it. Today I am feeling good about walking to the store and back (2 miles) instead of taking the bus. It's the small accomplishments that make a big difference. Thu, 25 Apr 2013 13:31:54 EST accepting my limitations http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5330809 I realize that after 15 years of not doing much, I can't expect to start working out at full speed, but it is still disappointing. I decided to do the workouts every other day, giving my legs and muscles the longer time to recover and get stronger. Feel rather like i am just being lazy, as if I"m using this as an excuse to not do the workout, even though I really would like to. Patience, not one of my virtues. Sun, 21 Apr 2013 17:08:32 EST