JACQUIEANN1's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=JACQUIEANN1 JACQUIEANN1's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ slow learner http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5318862 what will it take for that ah ha moment when I click. <BR> I only have me to look after.and for this I feel guilty. all my life I have cared for others ,family patients clients you name it I put them ahead of me . and now I have me harry the cat and alice the dog and I feel guilty. <BR> I am addicted to the biggest looser American Wednesday nights british sat, morning and Australian every weekday afternoon ,and while on this process they focus only on their own needs. so I am going to try to... Wed, 10 Apr 2013 20:28:38 EST spark coach exercise http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5292763 talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend.sounded to me like an easy task good I thought no challenge today. <BR> WRONG!!!!!!!!! <BR> I would not let in my life house or world anyone who treated me the way I treat my self. <BR> self talk????? self abuse more like. <BR> stupid fat lazy ugly not capable all words I have called my self and just this morning. <BR> I think I should start a swear box would take a fortune from my self. <BR> change is on the way. Tue, 19 Mar 2013 18:33:05 EST taking care http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5288052 I have had real problems in the concept of looking after me. i seem how ever to be on the track now . sorry to bring this up but I have bought sexy underwear. after a life time of serviceable plain bras and pants I have lashed out. nice new coloured lacy sets . I have always felt that I shouldn't waste the money on things only I saw but I do feel better knowing there is lace underneath. <BR> I only ever indulged in books or music but as I am my prime caregiver I thought why not. <BR> and wh... Fri, 15 Mar 2013 18:36:20 EST feeling a bit lost http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5253224 I have been living an odd sort of life of late. i have lived here for 5 years but as I was nursing my dad I haven't been out and about meeting people so have very few friends here. <BR> in those 5 years I have lost my mum and my dad my home and possessions and the son who was living in my home .for what ever reason he wont contact me or reply to my messages. <BR> so here I am at 62 glorious years old finding a new definition of my self and how and where I fit in. <BR> people say make yourself... Sun, 17 Feb 2013 02:31:56 EST Visualising http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5203938 I have never been great at holding a vision in my head but am doing it at the moment. I just know I have to see me moving forward from a bad year making Dunedin my home and being happy here. <BR> it seems as if I am going to be able to sell my home in Christchurch for the price of the land so I will be able to make this house feel like me. at the moment I feel a bit like a visitor here. <BR> it feels as if a lot of the focus techniques I have learnt on spark are helping me a great deal. a dra... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 17:28:47 EST got to be better http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5179971 as 2013 looms all I can think is I has got to be better than 2012. <BR> this year has been a very nasty one. <BR> sort of about loss isolation and frustration. <BR> to give a background I usually live in my own home in Christchurch but have been in Dunedin for 5 years nursing my dad.my grown children live in Christchurch. <BR> I came to Dunedin on a feeling having spoken to my dad early morning and I couldn't shift the feeling something wasn't right.so I flew down an hour later to find my mum... Sat, 29 Dec 2012 15:20:24 EST tomorrows food http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5171334 I have in the fridge ham salad veg green veg so I plan to eat tomorrow boiled egg for breaky large ham salad for lunch and steak with salad new potatoes and peas for dinner snacks will be fruit. Wed, 19 Dec 2012 18:26:09 EST yesterday is now more of a worry http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5165798 the son who was living in my home which has been trashed inside has now vanished. I have rung the police who say he is ok but wants to keep his location private.i have never had a problem with him and trusted him totally bills haven't been paid etc. and I have been texting him and just getting no reply. please put in a prayer for him. <BR> years ago I had a p.t.s.d breakdown after being stabbed by a patient and I can feel the symptoms hovering again .I have decided I sort of need to stay wher... Thu, 13 Dec 2012 19:58:28 EST going mad http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5163487 they say the gods send mad they who would be equal to them and I've never aspired to that but I am going mad. <BR> right background I have been living in another city nursing my dad who has recently died. younger son in my home other son and daughter in law in own home. <BR> I have just heard that my younger son who has lived rent free with me paying the rates insurance etc has not been pulling his weight .the house is in a big mess well at least the garden lawn overgrown and shrubs un pruned... Tue, 11 Dec 2012 17:32:28 EST starting to believe in me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5095615 what a statement !!!!!!!! <BR> and it wasnt till this morning i realised that i can say this in all truth. <BR> i have allways been a great cheerleader for other people and believe that they can achiev what ever they set there mind to.but not my self. <BR> this morning i gave my self a telling off for spending money on spark coach and just cruising at my new healthy life style.i decided i was trying to fool my self and others .how could i be moving towards a healthy life when nothing was too ... Thu, 11 Oct 2012 18:31:34 EST getting to be a habit http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5062475 i dont think i have ever blogged twice in one day,but i have just had a bit of a revelation. <BR> i am a people pleaser and since i was 18 have been a nurse-social worker-mother breadwinner-and most recently my fathers care giver. <BR> my dad has passed on and i am in his home in another city from my now well and truly grown children my paid work and my voluntary work . <BR> so this is the first time as an adult i have only had me to think about.i can do what i want when i want.there is no ... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 00:35:56 EST shame http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5062066 i have been talking in one of my teams about shame.and i have discovered that it often is my driving force. <BR> i compare my self to other women either to cheer me up or beat me up depending on the mood. as a feminist and a christian my response is how dare i. well guess what i have bought into all the advertising and hype just like the rest of the world. <BR> just a thought do i need to feel shame for doing that or for thinking i was better than that? perhaps both. <BR> or not <BR> i am g... Sun, 16 Sep 2012 19:42:56 EST knotted up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4903309 i am just going to rant .yesterday i received an e mail from my old high school old girls.it was from a woman who was in my class and she remembered all the great times we had giving me her address and phone number as well as an invite to a function they were having . <BR> i rang her and pointed out that it was not a place i wanted to return to as i found it hell when i was there. <BR> i had come from england at 16 and joined the school where all the clicks had been formed so i was the outsid... Tue, 29 May 2012 20:00:07 EST knotted up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4903298 i am just going to rant .yesterday i received an e mail from my old high school old girls.it was from a woman who was in my class and she remembered all the great times we had giving me her address and phone number as well as an invite to a function they were having . <BR> i rang her and pointed out that it was not a place i wanted to return to as i found it hell when i was there. <BR> i had come from england at 16 and joined the school where all the clicks had been formed so i was the outsid... Tue, 29 May 2012 19:53:57 EST an epiphany? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4567408 i am not sure, remember at all times i am a slow learner but i was reading the other day and the auther asked what if you were not broken ? but the broken bits were the dieting binging purging etc? <BR> this got me thinking about all the self help books all that i have tried to be to please and all the changes i have made to fit in so many ways. <BR> <BR> so have i been trying to fix some thing that was never broken. <BR> <BR> perhaps i was meant to be short and sturdy not the dainty girly... Thu, 3 Nov 2011 22:03:32 EST stalled http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4493674 i am not sure why but i am at the side of the road with the hazard lights on.i have worked very hard on feeling rather than stuffing down and perhaps that is what has wiped me out. <BR> i just cant work up enthusiasm for any thing least of all me. <BR> meals are boring exercise a task and self care non existent. <BR> and i have started some very odd things. <BR> when out and about i compare all the time with others the head chat is bigger than me smaller than me taller but bigger etc.and a fr... Mon, 19 Sep 2011 21:10:17 EST crash and burn no more http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4354365 i must have some where with in me a very high opinion of my self. <BR> i love setting goals and set them as high as i can. they usually involve a long list of musts and must nots and the need for the newest book or piece of equipment.you see the answer is never with in my reach without what the advertisor tells me is needed,and for a day or a week i fly high then comes the dawning that it is all too hard not within my reach or hurting me,so i crash. <BR> feel sorry for my self for a day or tw... Mon, 11 Jul 2011 00:50:33 EST just as it comes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4246383 well this will be unedited and unrefined i hope just the feelings as they come. <BR> <BR> i have put off writing this though i knew i wanted and to some point needed to do it.i have got lost for so many reasons and am at the moment in danger of either "needing" the latest book or diet as i am in denial about the problem being within me. <BR> <BR> i am living away from my home caring for my dad and am very isolated and lonely. i cant join or go to the things that make up my life at home as i... Fri, 20 May 2011 22:54:06 EST ? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4125619 the ? above about says it all <BR> i am trying to go too many direction at once they all seem to be the right way but i am just grabbing bits from 1 and bits from another and getting in a right muddle. <BR> i think at the bottom of it all i am still looking for the silver bullet that will fix it all . <BR> and by having several weightloss/food mangement things on the go at once i am not fully commiting to any of them. <BR> time for a big think and a sort out i feel. <BR> may the good lord hel... Tue, 29 Mar 2011 01:42:53 EST why not today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3953568 tomorrow has a lot to answer for. it is the carrot on the end of my stick because tomorrow will be the day when it all happens. <BR> i dont know when it started but every thing can wait till tomorrow. <BR> i will have energy <BR> i will have willpower <BR> i will just know! what i will know we dont know but i might find out tomorrow <BR> i will be confident <BR> i will have a healthy self esteem <BR> i will be organised <BR> iwill be attractive <BR> i just hope tomorrow is long enough to do ... Sun, 23 Jan 2011 17:49:14 EST i am at it again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3870284 well i thought i had passed this stage but here we go again. <BR> i vowed i would not diet again but follow the intuitive eating approch to food written about by authers like geneen roth. <BR> but last night i binged the first in ages and this time i know why. <BR> weight watchers which i have been a member of so many times,have started a new program and i spent the night thinking if i dont try i will never know , what if it works and i dont try,i will be sooo fat for ever,etc. <BR> i know di... Wed, 29 Dec 2010 20:47:59 EST me and my bargains http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3783671 well i am a great one for a bargain and being a simple living sort of person fairs and yard sales are my spiritual home. <BR> yesterday i was at a school fair and found a near new treadmill for $20. not to be sniffed at so home it came,by the way any idea how many calories are burnt getting a treadmill into a small car? <BR> at home set it up plugged it in and thought i had worked out the buttons. it had no instructions but i never read them any way /for some reason i always insist that i kn... Sun, 14 Nov 2010 19:19:34 EST reality http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3775952 i dont want this to be seen as or sound negative but i just want to get things out for my self. <BR> i am sick of the craziness that is my life. <BR> i want to change the constant obsession with food weight and my body image. <BR> my total focus daily is what i have eaten and what i will eat.even when i am not binging i have a very strong food focus. <BR> i just want to have normal eating and living. <BR> i am following Geneen Roths eating guidelines and for most of the time i stick to them,b... Wed, 10 Nov 2010 19:20:40 EST trying to understand http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3731835 i just cant understand what happened yesterday.i started off with a small pity party based on the fact that i am a diabetic and cant tuck in to chocolate.told my self about all the other good things i could eat and promptly went and ate 2 packetsd of chocolate bickies!!!!!!!! <BR> i then felt ill as i had a blood sugar that was sky high. <BR> i just dont understand.i am nuts. Thu, 21 Oct 2010 21:44:15 EST ? mind shift http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3631653 well I'm not sure how it happened but i seem to have had a mind shift. <BR> <BR> if i eat something i havent planned for or dont exercise i have the feeling that it is not the end of the world as i can do better of different tomorrow,and it seems to me that the crux of the change is there. i cant change what i have done or not done today it has happened and i am owning it. that in itself is a huge thing for me owning it. come tomorrow i can make changes or not and there again is a big chang... Sun, 12 Sep 2010 21:05:48 EST i feel like barry manilo http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3531931 well not really but I'm thinking and having problems with feelings. <BR> <BR> you see i dont, feel that is when a feeling pops up i stuff food i dont taste till i can be numb and deal with what ever the situation is or eat till i forget it. <BR> <BR> i am an only child and have always said that i have never felt lonely but I'm wondering if this is part of the void i fill.i eat more and only ever binge when i am alone. <BR> <BR> and it was very important to my mother that we were not silly ... Fri, 13 Aug 2010 00:03:40 EST am i lost? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3456134 well, progress in many ways. <BR> re the vision my nursing training can be cross credited to the training of a personal trainer the anatomy etc. the image consultation can be done on line and life coach training is covered by some of my social work councillor training. <BR> <BR> so all i need is to be fit enough to do the physical part of the personal training thing and this will be the hardest as i will be in classes with skinny young people and i will just bet that they dont like modifi... Wed, 21 Jul 2010 20:42:57 EST the spark http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3406398 well i wondered why i bought the book . i spend hours on the website,and i will start any conversation about a healthy lifestyle with' well i have all the head knowledge'. <BR> perhaps i just wanted that wee thing that says i read the spark. <BR> <BR> any way i got my copy this morning.i am now on fire i have a vision of what i want to be . <BR> it will sound very silly at 59 years old and with 35kgs to loose but it is my vision <BR> <BR> i have in the past talked to friends about a shop co... Wed, 7 Jul 2010 02:39:54 EST the perfect storm http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3325387 well i have just emerged from the perfect storm and am trying very hard to change the way i usually react to this. <BR> <BR> first i had better explain what my storm consisted of.first 2 weeks of doing all the right things and didnt loose weight. <BR> <BR> then my father was ill and as his caregiver i blamed myself and i do know it was not my fault but as his caregiver i decided that a bacterial was all down to me. <BR> <BR> and finally i couldnt get to my weight watchers meeting so no obj... Fri, 11 Jun 2010 20:15:48 EST it is the weight but then it isnt http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3233476 i am aware that isn't the most sensible statement to make but it sums up my musings at the moment. <BR> <BR> for the better part of my life it has been the weight and only that.all the other things in my mind would come after that. the health getting off some of the meds i take not being tired most of the time .having the energy to do what i want. dressing in a way i really want to not the best of what fits. all this was waiting for the weight to go. <BR> <BR> during the past week i have e... Sat, 15 May 2010 21:23:23 EST i thought it was me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3191931 well i thought it was me becoming more normal and blending .well I'm blending .doing the am i as fat as her game on the bus or out shopping i often scored my self smaller than others.now dont think I'm mean we all do it. <BR> on top of that i am having less trouble finding clothes that my granny wouldnt wear in my size. <BR> i had this little bit of normal about me and i was pleased to start with.i had fooled my self that i had lost inches and inches.even bras from the department store fit th... Tue, 4 May 2010 01:04:37 EST if my weight spoke http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3154669 some times when i speak about' the weight 'it seems as if it is a separate entity so i began to think if it was what would it say to me. <BR> well it would speak in a very condescending way because until recently it held a sword over my head. <BR> it would start by saying 'now dont you get ideas about joining in with things that are going on.i have worked very hard at making you an outsider.'and what do you think you are doing with that body lotion and make up,remember we are fat there for... Sat, 24 Apr 2010 02:25:18 EST is it wrong? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3119893 it seems that every day i start over. <BR> some people get their mojo going and never have to start again me its a daily process. <BR> i would like to be a got my mojo person but I'm not or not yet can you become one i dont know <BR> what i do know is that i do now start over.i dont hide from my self for days deny that the past ever happened or even worse lie to my self about it. <BR> the healthy lifestyle i dont have yet is perhaps being formed by the starting over. <BR> some days i dont re... Wed, 14 Apr 2010 18:19:13 EST if this is the comfort zone why am i not happy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3084334 i know I'm in my comfort zone not gaining not loosing just cruising and i wonder why i cant get beyond it. <BR> i know what to do and how to do it but i dont.i offer support to others and help them empower them selves to move to a better space but when it comes to me i just stay. <BR> i said in my last blog i dont know what normal i when it comes to food and eating and i think that there is a huge fear of going into the unknown. <BR> i know that i use my weight to hide behind but what from i ... Mon, 5 Apr 2010 21:06:52 EST signs of a struggle http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3051186 well if the police turned up at this point they would say signs of a struggle and it is 17 diet and healthy life style books several on not dieting but dealing with the issues in the head and my all time favourite weight watchers what ever i do i end up back on a version of their plan. <BR> i just never know why i go off what ever plan I'm on its like i am afraid of change i say lots of other things but that's what it is. <BR> one think that worries me is i have been on diets since i was abo... Sun, 28 Mar 2010 00:33:21 EST what do you think http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2992320 I'm from new zealand ,and this week a global weightloss org. and a global fast food chain teamed up .meals fitting into the point count of one can be purchased at the other. <BR> i just dont know what i think about it. <BR> when i slope in to a fast food joint I'm not in the space to make healthy choices ,i want to upsize my frys etc. and the temptation to do so is huge. <BR> i thought one of the ways to break the cycle of overeating was to eat 'slow'food prepared at home.so you knew what was... Fri, 12 Mar 2010 16:30:49 EST wake up call http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2954449 well at this point in time i am well on track,but then i have had a wake up call. <BR> i am a type 2 diabetic and have for a long time just paid lip service to the diagnosis take my meds but often just get dont get round to testing my blood am a nurse and should know better but they say nurses health is like a mechanics car the last to get fixed. <BR> in my heart of hearts i think i believed that the dr had overreacted ,well i had a whole list of reasons why it wasn't important. <BR> the othe... Wed, 3 Mar 2010 17:38:11 EST is it just me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2915648 i have just read an inspiring blog from beevel .i embrace her goals of fit alive and healthy 100% and want to make them my own. <BR> there is how ever as always with me another side to it <BR> i want so much to be slim. fit and healthy would be great but slim is what i want. <BR> for some reason i see slim as powerful <BR> i know when i have been slimmer than i am now i have been taken seriously and credited with intelligence as a pudding i have to prove this.as a pudding i am perceived as sl... Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:33:59 EST the last supper http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2898803 i have what is now amounting to a ritual. at least 3 times a week at about 9pm i thing well i have blown today even though i havent and i never look to see if i have gone over my calorie limit. <BR> then you see i have justified the last supper which is usually cereal toast marg and high fat cheese.. <BR> but in my mind this is ok because this is the last time i will ever do this and tomorrow and every day for ever more i will be perfect. <BR> how i am going to do this i dont know because god... Thu, 18 Feb 2010 17:26:39 EST line of least resistance http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2871843 very often the daily reflections seem to be written for me. <BR> so much of my life seems to have been lived like this .the weight,i wont stop and feel i will just fill my face.my marrage and so many other things it was so much easiers to go along with what others wanted than use my voice.well you never know i might offend some one.and as for taking care of my self well that would have been too much its as if i felt i wasnt given permission . <BR> thank God i am learning slowly but i am learn... Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:11:33 EST out of the slump http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2853315 well i dont know what happened but all fired up and i went into a slump.i havent done any damage to the body in fact i lost 500gr. but the attitude was bad. i was beligerent with my self ,why walk it wont do any good water ha i shall have tea,and so on fighting my self at every step and the whole thing ended up a one girl pity party and it was never fair!!!!!!! <BR> during the night while looking for something to eat i realised i am te only one i punish .i love life when i am in control and t... Sun, 7 Feb 2010 19:23:05 EST not the big picture http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2817615 i have always been one for the big picture,when i weigh 70kg when the garden is perfect etc. <BR> the whole thing can be a bit overwhelming.this morning i read a spark e mail about small steps.it suggested aiming for 10%weight loss.first of all i thought how can that be a goal woth going for?then the penny dropped thats 13kg thats a lot of weight. <BR> while a 30odd kg loss is the big picture thats too big for me to see in steps.13kg i can plan for over maybe 2 or 3 months and reach. <BR> its... Sat, 30 Jan 2010 16:24:13 EST authentic http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2778745 well I have spoken in the past about wanting to be the authentic person I should be not what the world and I have created. <BR> I read today authentic is the soul exposed wasn't sure I liked that,then I had a ponder. <BR> if the soul is the blueprint for the authentic person then I do want it exposed. <BR> at the moment its hidden under what I have become to please others and to protect my self. <BR> living in an inhabited world I will always need to compromise but it is becoming clear that s... Thu, 21 Jan 2010 19:27:09 EST Miracles http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2759545 well i believe in miracles and have living proof i am one.not only was i put on the earth with free choice but when I made a mess of things I have the ability to change. <BR> I had been looking at spark in the hope of it making me change my ways and the penny dropped [I think I am a slow learner] I am the only one who can do this. <BR> when I look at my life I dont think I have ever cared enough to make the effort to care for me.i am a nurse and at the moment full time caregiver for my father... Sun, 17 Jan 2010 22:23:01 EST mission statement http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2750718 well i was thinking about this and changed bits on my spark page while looking for inspiration nothing really came wanted to say on track,being authentic being supportive and a big one for me taking support nothing came i was getting frustrated as i had thought this would be so reveling and insightful i might make blog of the week or something. <BR> still no inspiration. then i got a song in my head ,i think its from the 80s and by m people .moving on up moving on out nothing can stop me know... Fri, 15 Jan 2010 17:39:19 EST ready to move http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2742734 well they say there are all these stages to change and i have thought yea right for so long but today i feel i have moved from knowing there is a problem to doing something about it .i mean really doing something. <BR> i have all the theory of weight loss in my head but can never seem to sustain it . <BR> when i am at home i work part time and volunteer at what is my passion empowering women to take charge of there lives do this at a community cottage and a womens refuge. <BR> i repeatedly u... Wed, 13 Jan 2010 23:28:20 EST what if http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2644883 just a thought but it has got me going and its a bit scary.what if i dont have emotional issues with food and am not a compulsive eater. <BR> what if im just greedy just like food and want more than my share and am prepared to sneak it if i need to and will lie about it. <BR> and what if i dont have a problem organising and committing to exercise what if god forbid I'm just lazy. <em>2</em> <BR> and lets go further what if this lack of self care is not based in low self esteem or such what i... Sat, 19 Dec 2009 19:44:44 EST the books http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2495485 any one else like me? <BR> not only am i compulsive with food but with books about food.every new diet book -i just have to have it may contain the secret that will free me. <BR> it sounds silly but to not buy the new book is like stopping a sneeze i just cant. <BR> i am just locked in the hope that this one will contain some thing i have never read or thought of. <BR> i know the answer is healthy choices exercise and burning off more than i eat but boy am i addicted to the books. Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:28:23 EST healthy reflection http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2469265 the question was are you the one standing in your way . <BR> the answer yes i am every time i am going well that stinking thinking comes to the top and says this is ok but you need a diet.it should be faster or the all time favourite you will never make it. <BR> i am working on the lines that i stop my thoughts and correct them but some times i feel like i am going mad correcting the old tapes all the time. <BR> the good news is i dont hear some of them any more. <BR> i tell my self god didnt... Sun, 11 Oct 2009 00:48:12 EST what i am http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2392320 i have been doing a lot of thinking and have decided that i have an illness an addiction and it is compulsive eating and an inability to behave in a loving kind way to my self. <BR> to do this would mean healthy eating exercise and not abusing my self.easier said than done. Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:44:56 EST