ISMEME's SparkPeople Blog ISMEME's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Finding strength and peace while admist feeling devastated **Warning: May contain emotional triggers These last two weeks have been super hard, facing the loss of the pregnancy. I have gone through almost every emotion. I do not blame myself for it happening (I have a biomedical science background and work in biomedical research) but still have felt myself hiding it from others. I have felt everything from shame to being terrified to tell others for fear they would belittle what I’m feeling and going though, that they would say it wasn’t real or that you shouldn’t feel that way as it happ... Wed, 26 Oct 2016 14:59:25 EST Focus for the second half of August My focus for the second half of August is more mindful and balanced eating. I will indulge in treats, but in a more balanced approach. I am also exploring new snack and lunch ideas for variety and to keep from getting bored with my food. Current favorite snacks include: almonds, blueberries, the lactose free cottage cheese I finally found in a local store, raw veggies with hummus, and hard cooked eggs. Tue, 16 Aug 2016 10:02:23 EST The 1 month until my birthday plan This morning, I realized my bday is exactly 1 month from today. I have decided I will give myself the gift of better and improving health for my birthday. My major goal for that month is to track EVERYTHING that I eat. This has definitely been my biggest hang-up for quite awhile… the getting out of the habit of tracking, especially on the weekends or if I’ve ate junk. I regularly walk ect (and will begin to work more exercise back in) but nutrition has been the hardest for me, even though... Tue, 5 Jul 2016 10:20:26 EST Persistence changes lives Life has gotten crazy since my last blog post. I've gone from no job with no real prospects to a job with benefits that will be great for my career. When I got the official offer just over a week ago, it felt as if 1000 lbs of weight was immediately lifted off of my shoulders. The weight also came off of my hudband's shoulders as well. I start June 1st and will have a 45 min commute each way, until mid August when we will move to a few miles from my work. With my job, it will be easier f... Sun, 15 May 2016 08:14:36 EST Hanging on and learning while on the roller coaster Many know that things have personally been stressful for me but I am working on how I respond to that stress. I've been working on getting out of that stressful and frustrating situation but it is not easy. Thank goodness for the unending support of my husband. <BR> <BR> In the mean time, I have been focusing on working out, reading books I enjoy, working on and blogging about crafts I love doing. It is slowly paying off as I'm starting to get compliments of others noticing me losing weight... Sat, 5 Dec 2015 09:52:30 EST It doesn't matter what size you are... Love yourself, love your body! I've had to re-fall in love with myself and my body (not in a narcissistic way, but in a not beating myself up and putting myself kind of way). Just because you love yourself and your body, does not mean you can not strive for changes and improvements (such as being healthier, a smaller size, ect). <BR> <BR> For me, this comes in the way of realizing and knowing that no matter what size I am on my wedding day, I will still be beautiful and gorgeous and make my fiancé's jaw drop. :) This ha... Thu, 20 Aug 2015 10:08:55 EST Wedding date shift 7 months earlier leads to a shift in focus Our wedding date got moved up 7 months for a whole host of reasons (cost, wanting to have children before I get too much older, ect). We were initially going to have our wedding this coming April, giving me plenty of time to get down to my goal weight, but moved the wedding to this September with the reception keeping the original date in April. We were going to elope, but told our immediate family out of courtesy first... and thus the elopement turned into a destination wedding to South La... Wed, 1 Jul 2015 12:00:16 EST Reflection so far on the BLC and goals for the remainder of the challenge Having a group of supportive people on the Honey Badger team how also push you to succeed has been invaluable. All of the smaller challenges can get overwhelming to keep track of, but they always provide ways to challenge yourself and help with progress. I have steadily lost weight during the challenge, just not as fast as I had initially set in my goal for the challenge. My goals for the remainder of the challenge are to continue to lose, even if they may be smaller numbers.... And to focus... Tue, 24 Mar 2015 07:14:17 EST Balancing a new job with a healthy lifestyle I have been struggling since I started my job 4 weeks ago. At first it was the stress of starting a new job and having no clue what I was doing that was stressing me out and throwing me off track. I was snacking too much, out of stress and nerves, at work and then not watching how much I was eating quite close enough at home. I was coming home exhausted and crashing shortly after dinner. <BR> <BR> I came to the realization over the last couple of days that there is no reason I can't get th... Wed, 11 Mar 2015 06:49:39 EST My hobby (and pretty new small business) <img src=""> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I love playing board games and table top role playing games.... And also love crafts, including doing artwork.... So I decided to combine my love for both into one hobby and get into painting miniature figures used in games ect for fun. Turns out others think I'm a fairly good painter, so I decided to have my hobby pay for its self a few months ag... Sun, 4 Jan 2015 15:43:08 EST From triumph to heartbreak to trying to find myself.... after a pretty catastrophic knee injury/diag I've went from the high of finishing my first half marathon, and under the time i had set for myself (finished in 2 hr 22 min) but in a lot of knee pain (a knee injury flairing even with it taped and braced) to being told 2 days later I had to see an orthopedist and likely needed surgery (after they took x-rays) by a Dr when I went into family medicine for pain in my knee that was not getting much better.... to being told a week after that (a week and a half ago from now) by the orthopedist t... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 06:01:30 EST The journey of losing 95 pounds and reaching my goal weight!! I am still trying to process the fact that I am at goal weight, and no longer need to lose weight. I am down 95 pounds, several jeans sizes (from a tight 18 to a comfy 2), 41.5 inches (and didn’t start taking measurements until I had already lost 20 pounds) and am now in a healthy BMI and weight range. I have gained the ability to run again, lift heavier weights, do zumba for over an hour and not feel like I will die. <BR> <BR> So what does it look like to lose 95 pounds while being 5'0" ta... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 13:01:12 EST Goal weight!!! (95 pounds gone!) Yes, this morning I actually passed just below that number of 125 pounds on the scale that seemed so elusive when I started SparkPeople in March of '11. 95 pounds gone! It still hasn't really set in, and maintenance scares me like none other atm as there is so little info out there on it that is positive or helpful besides the small amount that SP has on it. It is overwhelming but I'm viewing it as a new challenge (and those that know me know I love a good challenge). I will be writing the al... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 16:22:13 EST 82 pounds gone! Then and now and the changes in between. The last 20 months or so have been crazy!!! I'm down 82 pounds to 138 pounds from my starting weight of 220 pounds. I have lost a LOT of inches too. My body has changed drastically and I can physically do so much more so much easier than before I started with SparkPeople in mid-March of 2011. <BR> <BR> This starting photo was taken late the fall before I started with SparkPeople this time at a gala, at which I was presenting a poster of my research on pancreatic cancer to the general public.... Sat, 3 Nov 2012 08:22:13 EST Beating ourselves up mentally and emotionally (learning to love ourselves) Why are we SO hard on ourselves? Why do we sometimes say horribly mean and sometimes mentally and emotionally abusive things to ourselves? Would we tolerate this from someone else? The sad thing is, I used to tolerate others treating me like this and even called some of them close friends. The world is hard enough on us, so why do we think we need to be so hard on ourselves too? <BR> <BR> I have realized enough is enough! I will not accept myself being so mean to myself anymore! I didn’t rea... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 06:52:19 EST 6 months ago, currently, and 6 months from now Six months ago I was slowly losing weight but hating and definitely struggling with working out. I was also struggling with food choices, even avoiding tracking my food as I didn’t want to face the fact of just how bad what I was eating was. I had also stopped seeing positive changes in my body. I began working out more consistently (cardio at least) when I got zumba , maybe 3-4 times a week. However, I still could and would find any excuse in the book there was to avoid working out after ... Sun, 2 Sep 2012 18:58:01 EST Short-term goals I am working on focusing more on non-weight related goals for the next few weeks since I have been blowing through my weight loss goals like crazy. I will probably expand these into my goals for the month of sept, along with adding in a weight loss goal as well (after weighing in tomorrow morning and seeing where I am at). <BR> <BR> Goal 1) Balance my calories for the day better so that not quite as many remain at the end of the day. A few people know that I have been struggling with not b... Thu, 30 Aug 2012 17:42:42 EST When All Doubt is Removed If you would have asked me 6 months ago if I liked working out, I would have probably sugar coated it and told you umm… not my favorite thing (when I reality I dreaded it and viewed it as an evil necessary chore). After consistently working out (for the most part) for the last 6 months, I can honestly say that I look forward to working out. I love the way working out makes me feel, and also love challenging my body to see just what it can do! I stopped struggling to get my workouts in aro... Tue, 14 Aug 2012 11:07:27 EST I Have Given Myself The Best Birthday Present I Could. I’ve given myself the best birthday present I know of… the gift of a healthier lifestyle. Am I at my goal weight? Nope, and got a ways to go… but in the past year I’ve definitely made some progress: <BR> <BR> Weight lost: 34.8 pounds <BR> Inches lost (since Oct 6 2011… first time I bothered to take measurements): <BR> Upper Arm: 2” <BR> Waist: 6.25” <BR> Hips: 6.5” <BR> Thigh: 3.25” <BR> <BR> Would I say I’m proud of how much I’ve lost this past year? Yes. I was about to put the famous... Sun, 5 Aug 2012 14:12:20 EST August Goals ~ Get into the 150's <BR> ~ Lose 2" total. <BR> <BR> Game plan: I know this won't just magically happen all on it's own (but oh how sometimes I wish it would), but will take a conscious effort and commitment. <BR> <BR> ~ work out @ least 24 of 31 days of August <BR> ~ increase how often I actually do strength training (as I often avoid it like the plague, even though I know I shouldn't) <BR> ~ cook in large batches more often (at least 1 batch cooked item per w... Tue, 31 Jul 2012 11:16:25 EST Just passed half way (47.5 pounds)!!!! 49.4 pounds gone! I have been slowly seeing that monumental goal that I set when I started this journey in march of last year come closer and closer... and finally it it when I weighed myself yesterday morning, the half way mark!!!! <BR> <BR> Looking back, I remember that day when I decided to give SP another go around. On that day, the half way mark seemed so far off... like almost a dream. Sometimes the changes in my body are obvious to me, but yet other times I wonder if the changes are really all that bi... Mon, 18 Jun 2012 15:12:21 EST Family is finally noticing I'm losing weight! I saw my family yesterday for mother's day. The last time I had seen my parents was christmas. I hadn't seen my sister since then either, except briefly two weeks before yesterday. I got a text last night from my mom, thanking me for coming down and doing some yard work for her... and also telling me that she and my sister were talking after I left about how it looked like I had lost some weight. She started asking questions on how I had lost as much as I have... <BR> <BR> Previously my f... Mon, 14 May 2012 14:04:34 EST 40 pounds down!! I weighed myself a day early (because of being out of town tomorrow for mother's day) and much to my surprise.... I've officially lost 40 pounds!! It was nice to see the scale move finally after being stuck on a plateau for about 4-5 wks. Sat, 12 May 2012 16:42:03 EST Learning to forgive one's self for small slip-ups, and moving on I had been doing really well and was super pumped from my 1 yr spark anniversary along with finding out that I was leading the yellow team for the spring challenge.... and then last night.... i got the munchies before eating out. I managed to confine it to lower calorie munchie stuff. I then ate two plates of food at the mongolian buffet (of which is super hard to track, so i didn't) but at least left the noodles out. I tried to make slightly healthier choices of ingredients, such as lean ... Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:58:16 EST 1 yr sparkpeople anniversery today :) I am not where I imagined/hoped myself to be at this point, when I started SP... yet that is. However, I have noticed definite changes. My pants, and now tops ect., are too big for me.... I also ran 5 miles for the first time, yesterday. A year ago, I would have shuddered at the thought of running 5 miles. I'm a bit fatigued today, but not sore really. <BR> <BR> I have also noticed my reasons for becoming more healthy are shifting. They certainly still include the obligatory wanting to l... Sat, 24 Mar 2012 13:57:08 EST Back to using more detailed trackers.... I've decided that the quick trackers make it way too easy for me to just not track anything... and then i slowly stopped paying attention to what/how much i was eating. I know I have issues with just blowing off the rest of a day if I can not easily track food, such as when others are cooking or i am eating out.... but not sure what the easiest way to deal with it is.... but I am coming to realize that solving this problem is the key to me losing weight much more easily/efficiently. Thu, 22 Mar 2012 12:13:44 EST Almost one year on SP A lot has happened in a year, both good and bad. I am frustrated that I did not lose the weight I wanted to... only a bit over 30 pounds so far. I hope to have hit that 35 pounds lost mark by my actual one year anniversary on here, but who knows. I have 9 days until then. <BR> <BR> A bunch of rl friends are working on losing weight and have created a group on fb, of which I have been left out of/excluded from. It is frustrating, but I can't wait to see the looks on their faces as I am dro... Thu, 15 Mar 2012 10:36:52 EST Giving the quick track a try vs continuing to try and use the detailed tracking. I'm going to give the quick track a try. In general, I know if i've ate too much and what is healthy and not.... but i get frustrated and end up saying to heck with the detailed tracking if i'm not sure how many calories something is and then end up doing no tracking at all.. I'm thinking that if i use the quick track, it will help me to make sure i'm getting in enough of the healthy foods and also that i'm working out/moving enough. I will give it a try a few weeks and see if i have better... Mon, 6 Feb 2012 14:12:17 EST Positive Momentum Gaining positive momentum can be a slow process... but it is starting to accumulate. :) Starting with a couple successful dinners out with friends, to adding in a few workouts, to cleaning my kitchen.... finally, I feel like I have some positive momentum again. <BR> <BR> I'm also excited for the Winter Challenge to start tomorrow! Hopefully this provides more positive momentum for the winter/holiday season to come. :) Wed, 9 Nov 2011 16:50:54 EST Trying to start blogging more frequently I'm going to start blogging more frequently, say maybe 5 outta 7 days. I get busy with lab and writing and then end up putting off/blowing off important things such as working out, checking SP blogs, checking in in the team I am a co-leader for. Blogging more frequently will help keep me accountable and more motivated. :) Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:46:52 EST Having one of those productive/motivated days :) For some reason I'm having one of those super productive/motivated days. Now, only if I wasn't stuck in lab critiquing abstracts for a scientific writing class I'm taking this semester. I also have plans with friends that will take up most of the evening, but maybe I can do a bit of planning for food for the coming week (going to the grocery store to pick up food to cook with friends tonight anyways). I'm also having fun working with/leading the Gold team. :) Where has all the energy come f... Tue, 6 Sep 2011 13:56:51 EST No excuse not to track anymore :) For my bday, I bought myself a new droid, and discovered the droid SP apps (which i totally love!!) However, this removes the excuse of well... i'm not by my laptop so i'll log it later problem. The issue is, that I would then never end up logging it. Now, it is convienent as i usually have my phone with me all the time. :) It doesn't hurt that it has a cute pink case too ;) Thu, 11 Aug 2011 11:42:40 EST Growing a "Garden of Success" The initial idea of growing a garden of success started after I lost my first initial 10 pounds after joining SP. I love plants, and decided to buy a small ones as a little rewards. The first one I bought was a little small african violet with large white flowers on it. I brought it home and set it on top of the PS2 next to my tv, so that when I look at my tv I have a reminder of the progress I've made so far. After thinking about it, I decided that since I love flowers/plants, why not use... Wed, 8 Jun 2011 12:01:57 EST Under 200 lbs :) After a little over two months on SP, i've lost just over 20 pounds and am now under 200 :D Getting under 200 was one of my medium-term goals. I now find myself asking what next? how big of medium term goal to set? I know I still have a ways to go, but it is nice to build momentum and see progress forward. :) Wed, 8 Jun 2011 11:39:55 EST When running low on clean clothes is a good thing!! Due to not getting around to doing laundry last night (as I got home late), I had few clean jeans this morning. This sent me digging in my closet, where i found a stack of pants that I hadn't been able to wear for about a year due to being too small. I thought well... might as well try them on and see if they will fit (even though i didn't want to, as I didn't want to face it if they didn't fit yet). Much to my surprise, the pair i tried on fit perfect. When I started on here just over tw... Wed, 1 Jun 2011 12:10:40 EST Frustrated with the lack of support online and in rl I can't seem to get any support in rl, and came looking for some here but it feels like i have fallen through the cracks. I have no SP friends, my posts are often not commented on (or if they are, by only one or two people), and i still feel like I'm going at it alone despite being in several teams. <BR> <BR> I only lost 1 pound this last week too. Not sure if that is cause i upped my calories slightly, as recommended by SP due to the increase in cardio i've been doing.... or if it is due... Mon, 9 May 2011 09:23:26 EST Celebrating this past week's weightloss I was scared to weigh in yesterday morning, because i wasn't sure if i had really lost anything this past week... but was pleasently suprised with a 4 lb loss.... To celebrate, I decided to wear a cute new top into work. <em>30</em> I figure i might as well wear the cute tops i got a few weeks ago before starting SP, before they get way to big on me. <em>211</em> Tue, 19 Apr 2011 10:24:15 EST