ILOVEROSES's SparkPeople Blog ILOVEROSES's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Dr. Geezer's clinic <BR> An old geezer became bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. <BR> <BR> <BR> He put a sign up outside that said: <BR> <BR> <BR> "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000." <BR> <BR> <BR> Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about <BR> <BR> <BR> medicine,thought this would be a great opportunity to get $$. <BR> <BR> <BR> So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. <BR> <BR> <BR> Dr. Youn... Fri, 24 Mar 2017 09:03:05 EST Joke of the Day. In London long ago, a man got lost in a thick fog. Finally he came across a little door and knocked on it. <BR> <BR> A little boy answered, so the man asked, "Could I speak to your father please?" <BR> <BR> The kid said, "I am sorry, Father's just gone out, and Mother came in". <BR> <BR> The man asked to speak to the boy's mother, but he said, "No Mother's just gone out and my big brother came in". <BR> <BR> Frustrated, the man asked to speak to the brother but the boy said, "My brother'... Thu, 23 Feb 2017 05:53:25 EST One more sleep! Well...we are off again <em>340</em> , this time celebrating my DH's 75th birthday in style! <BR> When I saw Radiance of the Seas commencing the cruise on 25th February I said to him we just have to go. It IS the date of his birthday! <BR> <BR> I know we just came back 9 weeks ago from cruising around South East Asia but this one is so special. <BR> <BR> We are leaving tomorrow for Perth which is on the other side of the country, about 4.5 hours flying time, just like NY to LA. We will ... Mon, 20 Feb 2017 08:35:50 EST Joke of the Day. One cold morning in US, a couple was listening to the radio. <BR> <BR> The announcer said: "We're going to have 10 inches of snow today. Please park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, for the snow ploughs." <BR> <BR> So the wife went out and moved her car. <em>433</em> <BR> <BR> A week later at breakfast, the radio announcer said: "We're expecting 12 inches of snow. Please park on the odd-numbered side of the street for the snow ploughs." <BR> <BR> The wife moved her ca... Tue, 14 Feb 2017 09:10:43 EST Why Golf Is Better Than Sex... #10... A below par performance is considered damn good. <BR> <BR> #09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers. <BR> <BR> #08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot. <BR> <BR> #07... Foursomes are encouraged. <BR> <BR> #06... You can still make money doing it as a senior. <BR> <BR> #05... Three times a day is possible. <BR> <BR> #04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else. <BR> <BR> #03... If you live in Florida... Tue, 7 Feb 2017 07:59:14 EST The Problem With Squirrels This will be my last blog for a week, because I am going on holiday till next Friday. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. <BR> After much prayer and consideration, they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God's divine will. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> At the Baptist Church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. <BR> The Elders met and decided to put a wate... Thu, 2 Feb 2017 07:57:31 EST Hilarious Downton Abbey quotes. Downton Abbey has begun airing in 2010, but Dame Maggie Smith’s portrayal of the witty, snobby and downright sassy Dowager Countess has made her one of the most beloved TV characters of all time. <BR> <BR> Let's take a look back at some of Violet Crawley’s funniest, wisest and most cutting one-liners in the show’s six-season history. <BR> <BR> 1.“Don't be defeatist, dear. It's very middle class.” <BR> <BR> 2.“I was right about my maid. She’s leaving – to get married! How could she be so s... Tue, 31 Jan 2017 00:49:01 EST Wedding Anniversary <BR> A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. <BR> Their three kids, all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honour. <BR> <BR> "Happy Anniversary Mum & Dad" gushed son number one, a surgeon, "Sorry I'm running late. <BR> I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to <BR> get you a gift." <BR> "Not to worry" said the father, the important thing is that we're all together today." <BR> <BR> Son number tw... Sat, 28 Jan 2017 19:19:37 EST Grandmas don't know everything.... Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. <BR> He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her : <BR> <BR> 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' <BR> She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sex, darling.' <BR> <BR> Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids. ... Wed, 25 Jan 2017 18:49:47 EST Jewish Joke of the Week. An airplane was about to crash, there were 4 famous passengers on board but only 3 parachutes left. <BR> <BR> The first passenger said, "I'm LeBron James, the best NBA basketball player there is. My fans need me. I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the plane. <BR> <BR> The second passenger, Donald Trump said "Out of my way. I'm the new President of the USA and I'm going to be the greatest and cleverest President in American history." So he quickly grabbed the pack ne... Tue, 24 Jan 2017 06:33:25 EST A German woman married to an American man. A German woman married an American gentleman from Virginia and they lived happily in his home town. <BR> <BR> The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> However, a real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> One day, she went to the butcher counter wishing to buy chicken legs. <BR> She didn't know how to put forward her request, so in desperation she clucked like a chicken a... Fri, 20 Jan 2017 22:58:41 EST The guys from the Commonwealth. Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England, looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage. <BR> <BR> They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty. <BR> <BR> <BR> She says to them: "Because my footmen must wear long white stockings, I must see your ankles to be sure they are not swollen or misshapen." <BR> <BR> After they show her their ankles, the Queen says: "It is also important that... Sun, 15 Jan 2017 08:08:11 EST I'll be waiting on the front porch! .... On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. <BR> For this I will give you a life span of twenty years. <BR> The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" <BR> <BR> And God said that it was good. <BR> <BR> On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twen... Thu, 12 Jan 2017 08:28:34 EST Please Miss can you help me on with my boots ! The Winter Boots (Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this.) <BR> <BR> Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots? He asked for help and she could see why. <BR> <BR> <BR> Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. <BR> By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, <BR> <BR> <BR> 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 9 Jan 2017 22:03:30 EST Mexican maid The Mexican maid asks for a raise. <BR> <BR> The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. <BR> <BR> She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" <BR> <BR> Maria: "Well, Seniora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze." <BR> <BR> "The first is that I iron better than you." <BR> <BR> Wife: "Who said you iron better than me? <BR> <BR> Maria: "Jor huzban he say so." <BR> <BR> Wife: "Oh yeah?" <BR> <BR> Maria: "The ... Fri, 6 Jan 2017 04:53:51 EST Black Testicles A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet". <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicle... Tue, 3 Jan 2017 07:09:58 EST Best Regards <BR> I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. <BR> So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on her advice I wish to say the following:............. <BR> <BR> <BR> Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice ho... Sun, 1 Jan 2017 07:22:29 EST WIFE EMAIL Hi Fred, this is Alan next door. <BR> I have a confession to make. <BR> I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck <BR> up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling <BR> you in text as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you <BR> knowing. <BR> <BR> The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're <BR> not around. In fact, probably more than you. <BR> I haven't been getting it at home rec... Fri, 30 Dec 2016 20:28:11 EST Senior Discount! An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde. <BR> <BR> "I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model." <BR> <BR> "Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how co... Tue, 27 Dec 2016 07:13:54 EST The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. <BR> <BR> <BR> Here are the winners: <BR> <BR> 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time <BR> <BR> 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. <BR> <BR> 3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refu... Fri, 23 Dec 2016 23:52:19 EST Friends outside of Facebook <BR> For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists: <BR> I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in t... Thu, 22 Dec 2016 22:13:29 EST Eye Test for Driver's Licence. A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters <BR> <BR> <BR> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. <BR> <BR> 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.' <BR> <BR> ************************ <BR> <BR> <BR> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. <BR> <BR> We have a case of gon... Tue, 20 Dec 2016 07:24:10 EST GETTING OLDER A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. <BR> <BR> There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, <BR> <BR> <BR> "I'm wondering, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.." <BR> <BR> *************... Mon, 19 Dec 2016 05:15:56 EST HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> He said "No," but some people are breaking into my... Sun, 18 Dec 2016 08:55:53 EST Your Yearly Dementia Test! (only 4 questions this year) Can you pass the test? Scroll down, read and answer each question, then scroll down some more for the correct answer. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test. <BR> <BR> Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. <BR> As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your las... Fri, 16 Dec 2016 22:52:39 EST Obama, Hillary and Trump at the gates of heaven. <BR> Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the gates of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in." <BR> <BR> <BR> God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen". <... Fri, 16 Dec 2016 06:39:32 EST Irish Hunting Trip Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week, hunting moose. <BR> <BR> They managed to bag 6. <BR> As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose. <BR> The two lads objected strongly. <BR> "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours." <BR> <BR> Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. <BR> <BR... Wed, 14 Dec 2016 08:02:08 EST Lee Trevino: Why I Mow My Own Lawn One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did. <BR> <BR> A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?" <BR> <BR> Lee responded, "Yes Ma'am, I do." <BR> <BR> The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?" <BR> <BR> Lee said, "Well, the woman in t... Sun, 20 Nov 2016 07:38:12 EST Eye-Opening Predictions. In 1998, Kodak had 170,000 employees and sold 85% of all photo paper worldwide. Within just a few years, their business model disappeared and they went bankrupt. What happened to Kodak will happen in a lot of industries in the next 10 years – and most people won't see it coming. <BR> <BR> <BR> Did you think in 1998 that 3 years later you would never take pictures on film again? <BR> <BR> <BR> Yet digital cameras were invented in 1975. The first ones only had 10,000 pixels, but followed ... Sat, 19 Nov 2016 06:06:16 EST This is Priceless! What is meant by the modern term referred to as 'POLITICAL CORRECTNESS'.. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The definition is found in 4 telegrams at the Truman Library and Museum <BR> in Independence, Missouri. The following are copies of four telegrams between <BR> President Harry Truman and Gen Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual <BR> signing of the WWII Surrender Agreement in September 1945.. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received... Fri, 18 Nov 2016 00:09:08 EST A RUSSIAN MILITARY ACADEMY LECTURE The commanding officer at the Russian Military Academy (the equivalent of a 4-star U.S. general) gave a lecture on 'Potential Problems and Military Strategy.' At the end of the lecture, he asked, are there any questions? <BR> <BR> An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a third world war? And will Russia take part in it?" <BR> <BR> The general answered both questions in the affirmative. <BR> <BR> Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?" <BR> <BR> The general replied, "... Wed, 16 Nov 2016 08:11:19 EST Joke of the Day. Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local Town Hall where a flower show was in progress. <BR> <BR> One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $5, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!" <BR> <BR> "You're on!" said her friend, holding up $5. <BR> <BR> As fast as she could, the first old lady stripped off her clothes and streaked through the front door of the flower show. <BR> <BR> Waiting outside, her... Mon, 14 Nov 2016 22:27:17 EST Pulled over at @ 2 a.m. <BR> Ron Chester, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. <BR> <BR> and was asked where he was going at that time of night. <BR> <BR> <BR> Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and <BR> <BR> the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." <BR> <BR> The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" <BR> <BR> Ron replied, "That would be my wife." <BR> Wed, 9 Nov 2016 07:13:09 EST RULES AT THE SENIORS COMPLEX "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." <BR> <BR> She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" <BR> <BR> At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?” <BR> <em>100</em> Sun, 6 Nov 2016 07:24:20 EST I M i s s B i l l ? ? ? ? ? ? It doesn’t matter what party you belong to, this is good-natured political humour from a show on Canadian TV, where a black comedian said he misses Bill Clinton. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> “Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> * He was the closest thing we ever got to having a real black man as President. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> * He played the sax. <BR> <BR> <BR> * He smoked weed. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> * He had his way with ugly white women. <BR> <BR> <BR> ... Sat, 5 Nov 2016 04:39:07 EST NON-SMARTISMS Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. <BR> <BR> A room temperature IQ. <BR> <BR> A photographic memory, but his lens cap is glued on. <BR> <BR> Fell out of the family tree. <BR> <BR> Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking. <BR> <BR> Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. <BR> <BR> Not the sharpest tool in the box. <BR> <BR> The lights are on but nobody is home. <BR> <BR> Not the brightest bulb on the tree. <BR> <BR> Two bricks shy... Sat, 29 Oct 2016 08:28:21 EST Best Camp Letter How to reassure parents . . . <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Dear Mum, <BR> <BR> Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. <BR> <BR> We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, <BR> <BR> none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. <BR> <BR> Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. <BR> <BR> ... Wed, 26 Oct 2016 10:37:17 EST Subject: 9 important facts to remember as we grow older! Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world. <BR> <BR> <BR> Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted. <BR> <BR> <BR> Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. <BR> <BR> <BR> Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. <BR> <BR> <BR> Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and th... Sun, 23 Oct 2016 05:20:08 EST Your Wife! When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. <BR> <BR> King David <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. <BR> <BR> <BR> Sasha Guitry <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. <BR> <BR> If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. <BR> <BR> <BR> Socrates <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Woman inspires u... Fri, 21 Oct 2016 08:24:54 EST Your Wife! When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. <BR> <BR> King David <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. <BR> <BR> <BR> Sasha Guitry <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. <BR> <BR> If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. <BR> <BR> Socrates <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Woman inspires us to ... Fri, 21 Oct 2016 08:24:52 EST SENIOR DRIVER <BR> My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late-model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. <BR> <BR> <BR> He said with excitement, "You appear quite elderly to be driving." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough, that I don't even need a driver's license anymore." <BR>... Wed, 19 Oct 2016 19:15:39 EST A Glass of Wine <em>181</em> <BR> A Glass of Wine at Night before turning in! <BR> <BR> <BR> A single glass of this NEW Wine for Seniors each night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted night’s sleep. <BR> <BR> <BR> Clare Valley vintners in South Australia, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will b... Tue, 18 Oct 2016 06:08:49 EST The Back Nine - And Then It Is Winter THE BACK NINE <BR> <BR> <BR> I FIRST STARTED READING THIS EMAIL & WAS READING FAST UNTIL I REACHED THE THIRD SENTENCE. I STOPPED AND STARTED OVER READING SLOWER AND THINKING ABOUT EVERY WORD. THIS EMAIL IS VERY THOUGHT PROVOKING. MAKES YOU STOP AND THINK. <BR> READ SLOWLY! <BR> <BR> AND THEN IT IS WINTER <BR> <BR> You know ... time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new l... Mon, 17 Oct 2016 01:40:07 EST THE HAIRCUT <BR> One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. <BR> <BR> <BR> After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I <BR> <BR> <BR> cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' <BR> <BR> <BR> The florist was pleased and left the shop. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a <BR> <BR> <BR> 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> ... Wed, 12 Oct 2016 07:52:58 EST POLITICS. In every joke there is some truth--these are for our political season. <BR> <BR> <BR> If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno~ <BR> <BR> <BR> The problem with political jokes is they get elected. <BR> <BR> <BR> ~Henry Cate, VII~ (How true. Ed) <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. <BR> <BR> <BR> ~Aesop~ <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State ... Tue, 11 Oct 2016 02:58:51 EST Points to Ponder <BR> The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. <BR> <BR> <BR> My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me. <BR> <BR> <BR> My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 175 lbs I've gained since then. <BR> <BR> <BR> I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just gi... Sun, 9 Oct 2016 20:39:57 EST PARAPROSDOKIANS Now if someone could just explain how to pronounce this new word! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected. <BR> <BR> Winston Churchill loved them. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Some examples: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 3. If I agre... Sat, 8 Oct 2016 20:43:51 EST Even God Enjoys a Good Laugh! There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: <BR> <BR> 1. He called everyone brother. <BR> <BR> 2. He liked Gospel. <BR> <BR> 3. He didn't get a fair trial. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: <BR> <BR> 1. He went into His Father's business. <BR> <BR> 2. He lived at home until he was 33. <BR> <BR> 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> But then there were 3 ... Sat, 4 Jun 2016 07:19:55 EST Two more sleeps! It's again this time of the year when we make our pilgrimage to Scotland! <BR> Of course, we don't just fly there for a couple of weeks and then come home. We usually make it a 6-8 weeks holiday. <BR> <BR> This time we start with a 2 week <em>340</em> of Baltic Capitals on Celebrity Silhouette. It's a much larger ship than any of the previous ones we've done. <BR> <BR> We leave home on Sunday morning and after about 33 hours we touch down on Monday morning in Amsterdam! After spending ... Fri, 3 Jun 2016 09:18:31 EST It is best to whisper!! A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. <BR> He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you? <BR> <BR> <BR> The girl replied, in a loud voice, <BR> <BR> <BR> "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" <BR> <BR> <BR> All the people in the library started staring at the man, <BR> <BR> <BR> now deeply embarrassed, who moved to another table. <BR> <BR> <BR> After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man's table <BR> <BR> <BR> and sa... Fri, 3 Jun 2016 06:00:12 EST