ILOVEROSES's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ILOVEROSES ILOVEROSES's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Mary whined to her husband http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6481833 “Sam, what should I do?” Mary, looking at the mirror, asked her husband of 20 years. <BR> <BR> “I’m only 40-years-old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair is all thinned out.” <BR> <BR> “Well,” said Sam after looking her up and down, “there is one thing about you that still works as good as new.” <BR> <BR> <BR> “Oh Sam, you always know just what to say. What are you referring to?” <BR> <BR> “Never mind,” said Sam. <BR> <BR> “C... Thu, 12 Apr 2018 20:32:29 EST One more sleep http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6478941 It's time again to be spreading our wings and flying away from home. <BR> <BR> This time our destination is the South American country of Ecuador. By the time we land in Quito, capital of the country, we would have been away from home almost 35 hours! <BR> <BR> One long flight to LA, layover for 5 hours, then two more flights before we get to our destination at midnight on the day we left home. <em>40</em> <BR> That's because we will be crossing International Date Line. Don't worry, ... Wed, 4 Apr 2018 08:19:33 EST Phyllis Diller’s best one-liners http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6478185 “Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight” <BR> <BR> “The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.” <BR> <BR> “Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.” <BR> <BR> “A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” <BR> <BR> “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” <BR> <BR> “Most children threaten at time... Mon, 2 Apr 2018 09:06:16 EST A child asked his father and mother a question http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6476021 A child asked his father how people were born. <BR> <BR> “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies and so on,” the father said. <BR> <BR> The child then went to his mother and asked the same question. <BR> <BR> “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now,” the mother said. <BR> <BR> The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me”. <BR> <BR> <BR> “No your mum was talking about her side of the family.” Mon, 26 Mar 2018 10:40:12 EST Medical Advice http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6474726 I don't understand why pharmacies are allowed to advertise their products on TV, or why anyone would think of trying them without checking the long list of warnings of possible side effects, but this is definitely an exception! <BR> <BR> <BR> Do you have feelings of inadequacy? <BR> <BR> Do you suffer from shyness? <BR> <BR> Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? <BR> <BR> Do you sometimes feel stressed? <BR> <BR> If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, ask your doctor ... Thu, 22 Mar 2018 08:43:54 EST Two elderly men were talking http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6474261 A senior citizen was chatting with his 80-year-old friend. <BR> <BR> “So I hear you’re getting married?” The first man asked. <BR> <BR> “Yep!” The second man said. <BR> <BR> “Well, do I know her?” <BR> <BR> “Nope!” <BR> <BR> “This woman, is she good looking?” <BR> <BR> “Not really.” <BR> <BR> “Is she a good cook?” <BR> <BR> “Nah, she can’t cook too well.” <BR> <BR> “Does she have lots of money? <BR> <BR> “Nope! Poor as a church mouse.” <BR> <BR> “Well, then, is she good in bed?”... Tue, 20 Mar 2018 21:51:10 EST John and Sue are watching TV http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6473693 John and Sue, an old married couple, are sitting on the couch watching television. <BR> On the show, the TV hosts are speaking about how to prepare in case of death. <BR> <BR> Turning to his wife, John says, “Honey, I want you to promise me, that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluids, that you will make sure to put an end to it.” <BR> <BR> “No problem,” said Sue. <BR> <BR> So, she got up, turned off the TV and poured his beer down the drain. <... Mon, 19 Mar 2018 08:19:09 EST Save The Dead Rabbit http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6473359 A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. <BR> <BR> A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying o... Sun, 18 Mar 2018 09:06:46 EST The 2017 Darwin Awards are out... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6471819 Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. <BR> <BR> Here is the glorious winner: <BR> <BR> When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. <BR> <BR> The honorable mentions: <BR> <BR> The chef at a hotel ... Tue, 13 Mar 2018 08:30:29 EST A husband and wife were having an argument http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6471460 A husband and wife were having a big argument at breakfast. <BR> <BR> “You aren’t so good in bed either!” The husband shouted and stormed off to work. <BR> <BR> By midday, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife finally picked up the phone. <BR> <BR> “What took you so long to answer?” He asked. <BR> <BR> “I was in bed,” the wife said. <BR> <BR> “What were you doing in bed this late?” <BR> <BR> “Getting a second opinion,” she said. Mon, 12 Mar 2018 07:49:43 EST An elderly couple is having an elegant dinner http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6470202 An elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. <BR> <BR> The old man leans forward and says to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been wonderful, but I must know, did he have a different father?” <BR> <BR> The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, and says, “... Thu, 8 Mar 2018 08:26:47 EST A man visits his local doctor http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6469502 A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. <BR> <BR> When the examination is over, he says, “In plain English, what’s wrong with me?” <BR> <BR> “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor. “You’re just lazy.” <BR> <BR> The man nods, “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.” Tue, 6 Mar 2018 08:01:18 EST It got so crowded in heaven one day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6468374 It got crowded in heaven one day that God decided to only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. <BR> <BR> St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates when a downtrodden man came up to him. <BR> <BR> Saint Peter asked him: “Tell me about the day you died.” <BR> <BR> The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere.” <BR> <BR> He ... Fri, 2 Mar 2018 22:49:34 EST An Engineer And A Programmer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6467817 A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York. <BR> <BR> The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. <BR> <BR> The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. <BR> <BR> The programmer persists and explains that the game is really easy and is a lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer,... Thu, 1 Mar 2018 07:12:08 EST An extremely loyal fan http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6466621 There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. <BR> <BR> When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is this seat taken?” The man replied, “This was my wife’s seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan.” The other man replied,”I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn’t give the ticke... Sun, 25 Feb 2018 18:32:29 EST What I Have Learned http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6464598 I Have Learned that… <BR> <BR> … the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. <BR> <BR> … when you’re in love, it shows. <BR> <BR> … just one person saying to me, “You’ve made my day!” makes my day. <BR> <BR> … having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. <BR> <BR> … being kind is more important than being right. <BR> <BR> … you should never say no to a gift from a child. <BR> <BR> … I can always pray for someone whe... Mon, 19 Feb 2018 08:55:44 EST Marriage or Relationship With a Significant Other ... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6463287 If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's <BR> <BR> <BR> ...then adopt a dog. <BR> <BR> <BR> If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want <BR> <BR> ...then adopt a dog. <BR> <BR> If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies <BR> <BR> <BR> ...then adopt a dog. <BR> <BR> If... Thu, 15 Feb 2018 05:17:20 EST I own the fastest car http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6462580 A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. <BR> He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. <BR> An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. <BR> <BR> The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”. <BR> <BR> The dude replies “A 2001 Turbo BeepB... Tue, 13 Feb 2018 07:01:00 EST Why Athletes can’t have regular job http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6460140 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.” <BR> <BR> <BR> 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.” <BR> <BR> 3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say: <BR> “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’... Tue, 6 Feb 2018 06:59:17 EST A Bad Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6459376 There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. <BR> <BR> “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. <BR> <BR> “Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying.” <BR> <BR> “This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the park... Sun, 4 Feb 2018 08:20:52 EST What happened in Ballarat? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6451663 Here is a story about a man nicknamed Animal McBride. <BR> <BR> Animal was a giant of a man, weighing 140kg/ 308 lbs, with a big, bushy beard and was well known, having worked all around Australia. <BR> <BR> This particular day, he was in a hotel having a beer with his mates. <BR> When he finished his beer, he proceeded to go to his car but found that it had been stolen. <BR> <BR> Animal went back into the bar, hoisted his huge frame on to the pool table and bellowed: "QUIET! If my car's n... Mon, 15 Jan 2018 07:00:29 EST Two more sleeps! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6451247 This is a new year so it's time for a holiday. <BR> Our first one is my special <em>383</em> <em>340</em> starting on Tuesday for 15 nights HAL Volendam. <BR> We fly to Singapore and board the ship in the evening and then depart next afternoon. <BR> My birth date will be celebrated at sea on Thursday! <BR> <BR> We then cruise to Ko Samui and then Bangkok in Thailand. We have a shore excursion planned to the most impressive Namuang Waterfall. Then to the Jungle Safari and the mummified m... Sun, 14 Jan 2018 02:37:33 EST $500 Loan http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6450142 An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. <BR> <BR> The banker pulled out the loan application. <BR> “What are you going to do with the money?” he asks the Indian. <BR> <BR> “Buy Silver, make jewelry, and sell it,” was the response. <BR> <BR> “What have you got for collateral?” <BR> <BR> “Don’t know collateral,” replied the Indian <BR> <BR> “Well, that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. <BR> “Have you got any vehicles?” <BR> <BR> “Yes. 1949 Chevy picku... Thu, 11 Jan 2018 07:04:11 EST How Can I Get To Heaven? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6448881 The Sunday School lesson for the first graders was on the plan of salvation. The teacher asked, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> “No!” all the children answered. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> “If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Again, the answer was, “No!” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> “Well,” she ... Mon, 8 Jan 2018 09:04:22 EST THE BAPTIST WHITE LIE CAKE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6447088 Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, <BR> especially those of you who bake for church events: <BR> Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies’ <BR> Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She <BR> remembered it the morning of the bake sale, and after rummaging <BR> through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it <BR> while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for <BR> Scout camp. <BR> ... Thu, 4 Jan 2018 08:43:54 EST Just for laughs http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6443909 School Question <BR> <BR> Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" <BR> Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." <BR> Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" <BR> Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?" <BR> <BR> *** <BR> <BR> Hiking <BR> <BR> A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike. <BR> "Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. <BR> "It must have cost over 300 dollars!" <BR> "I earned it hiki... Thu, 28 Dec 2017 00:43:15 EST XMAS TALE printed in U.S. Newspaper.. 1st prize! (1999) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6443033 This is an article submitted to a 1999 'Louisville Sentinel' contest, to find out who had the <BR> 'wildest Christmas dinners'. This won first prize! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of 'panty-hose' over his fireplace before Christmas. <BR> He said all he wanted, was for Santa to fill them! <BR> What they say about Santa 'checking the list twice' must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor 'pan... Sun, 24 Dec 2017 20:41:00 EST You can take it with you http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6442876 There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. <BR> <BR> An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.” <BR> <BR> The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him. <B... Sun, 24 Dec 2017 07:54:02 EST How Old Is Grandpa? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6442295 How Old Is Grandpa? <BR> <BR> Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. <BR> It may blow you away. <BR> <BR> One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. <BR> <BR> The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings <BR> at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. <BR> <BR> The Grandfather replied: <BR> Well, let me think a minute, <BR> <BR> I was born before, <BR> ' television <BR> ' penicillin <BR> ' polio shots... Fri, 22 Dec 2017 00:34:45 EST What's up Doc http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6442086 Bugs Bunny was shopping at the supermarket and a sales assistant said to him: “If you can tell me what 19,866 times 10,543 is, we’ll give you free carrots for life.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Immediately, Bugs responded: “209,447,238”. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The sales assistant was astonished and asked: “How on earth did you do that?” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Bugs replied: “If there is one thing rabbits are good at, it’s multiplying.” <BR> <BR> <em>100</em> <em>172</em> <BR> <BR> from ... Thu, 21 Dec 2017 09:01:48 EST Parrot Attitude http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6441518 An oldie but a goodie. <BR> <BR> A young woman named Jessie received a parrot as a gift many years ago. Over time the parrot developed an extremely bad attitude. <BR> <BR> <BR> It got to the point that every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude and obnoxious. Jessie tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else she could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s attitude and by then ‘foul language.’ <BR> <BR> Finall... Tue, 19 Dec 2017 08:13:33 EST A Cowboy Named Bud http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6441254 A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. <BR> <BR> The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?” <BR> <BR> Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd ... Mon, 18 Dec 2017 08:36:37 EST Camping Trip http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6440735 Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. <BR> Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see”. <BR> <BR> Watson said: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars.” <BR> <BR> Holmes: “And what does that tell you?” <BR> <BR> Watson pondered for a moment: <BR> “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially... Sat, 16 Dec 2017 08:45:06 EST NO NATIVITY SCENE IN WASHINGTON DC IN 2017! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6440100 The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene on Capitol Hill this Christmas season. <BR> <BR> This has nothing to do with the U.S. Constitution's prohibition against the establishment or promotion of a religion by the federal government. <BR> <BR> They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's capital. <BR> <BR> There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable. Thu, 14 Dec 2017 03:30:14 EST The Ten Commandments http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6439833 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. <BR> After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy mother,” she asked, “is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” <BR> Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shalt not kill.” <BR> <BR> from DailyJokes Wed, 13 Dec 2017 07:49:08 EST Human Resources http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6439149 One day while walking downtown, a Human Resources woman was hit by a bus and was tragically killed. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. <BR> <BR> “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an HR manager make it this far and we’re really not sure what to do with you.” <BR> <BR> “No problem, just let me in,” said the woman. <BR> <BR> “... Sun, 10 Dec 2017 18:38:21 EST Zoo Keeper http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6438897 A guy starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. <BR> <BR> First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does so, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is the boss, he beats it to death with a spade. <BR> Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. <BR> <BR> Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He... Sat, 9 Dec 2017 21:24:17 EST The Fence Repair - Australian style !! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6438467 <BR> Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at Government House. <BR> <BR> One is from Cabramatta, another is from Marrickville, and the third is from Lane Cove. <BR> <BR> All three go with an official to examine the fence. <BR> <BR> The Cabramatta contractor takes out a tape measure does some measuring, then works some figure with a pencil. <BR> "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900, $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." <BR> <BR>... Fri, 8 Dec 2017 07:07:04 EST POTATOES http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6437195 POTATOES <BR> <BR> WELL, A GIRL POTATO AND BOY POTATO HAD EYES FOR EACH OTHER, AND FINALLY THEY GOT MARRIED, AND HAD A LITTLE SWEET POTATO, WHICH THEY CALLED 'YAM'. <BR> <BR> OF COURSE, THEY WANTED THE BEST FOR YAM. <BR> WHEN IT WAS TIME, THEY TOLD HER ABOUT THE FACTS OF LIFE. THEY WARNED HER ABOUT GOING OUT AND GETTING HALF-BAKED, SO SHE WOULDN'T GET ACCIDENTALLY MASHED, AND GET A BAD NAME FOR HERSELF LIKE 'HOT POTATO'. <BR> <BR> YAM SAID: " NOT TO WORRY, NO SPUD WOULD GET HER INTO THE S... Mon, 4 Dec 2017 01:01:02 EST God's Plan for Ageing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6431910 <BR> Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose co-ordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good. <BR> <BR> Then... Thu, 16 Nov 2017 08:27:53 EST My Goldfish http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6427444 Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was up to, he asked in his friendliest way, “What are you up to, Nancy?” <BR> <BR> “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” <BR> <BR> The neighbor commented, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” <BR> <BR> Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied… “That’s because he’s inside your lou... Thu, 2 Nov 2017 09:55:50 EST A Halloween story a few days early http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6425433 A Dark and Stormy Night <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> This will Make Your Day <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe...as it happens, near Transylvania . <BR> They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late at night and raining very hard with thunder and lightning. <BR> Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. <BR> Suddenly, the car skids out of control! <BR> Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The... Fri, 27 Oct 2017 00:55:48 EST Engineers.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6424826 <BR> <BR> An Engineer dies, and goes to Hell. <BR> <BR> Dissatisfied with the level of comfort down there, he starts designing and building improvements. <BR> <BR> After a while Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. <BR> The engineer is a pretty popular guy. <BR> <BR> <BR> One day God rings down and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" <BR> <BR> <BR> Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and t... Wed, 25 Oct 2017 06:03:28 EST THE PROPER WAY TO CALL SOMEONE A BA*TARD . . . http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6422926 A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. <BR> <BR> The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. <BR> <BR> They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" <BR> <BR> <BR> The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. <BR> <BR> The second guy won the remaining sixteen... Thu, 19 Oct 2017 08:21:10 EST THE PREACHER AND THE KU KLUX KLAN http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6421224 <BR> <BR> An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. <BR> This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. <BR> I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. <BR> Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me a... Fri, 13 Oct 2017 22:04:41 EST A few Irish jokes. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6420614 It's been a couple of months since I posted my last blog before going on holidays. <BR> Seeing that I visited Dublin, besides Scotland, England, Holland, Isle of Man, Iceland, Greenland, Newfoundland and lastly Boston I thought these will be appropriate. <BR> <BR> <BR> An Irishman's first drink with his son. <BR> <BR> While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only t... Thu, 12 Oct 2017 00:50:34 EST Short Stories http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6395906 These twelve short stories are all very good stories and make us think twice about the daily happenings in our lives as we deal with others!! <BR> <BR> 1. Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I'm working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said; <BR> "Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile." <BR> -------------------------- <BR> 2. Today, I asked my mentor - a very successful b... Fri, 4 Aug 2017 10:28:59 EST A biker & God http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6394174 A man on his Harley was riding along a Victorian beach road when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, <BR> <BR> God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." <BR> <BR> The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Tasmania so I can ride over anytime I want." <BR> <BR> God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching th... Mon, 31 Jul 2017 09:37:00 EST Civilization in 2017- this is priceless!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6393271 � Our Phones - Wireless <BR> <BR> � Cooking - Fireless <BR> <BR> � Cars - Keyless <BR> <BR> � Food - Fatless <BR> <BR> � Tires -Tubeless <BR> <BR> � Dress - Sleeveless <BR> <BR> � Youth - Jobless <BR> <BR> � Leaders - Shameless <BR> <BR> � Relationships - Meaningless <BR> <BR> � Attitudes - Careless <BR> <BR> � Babies - Fatherless <BR> <BR> � Feelings - Heartless <BR> <BR> � Education - Valueless <BR> <BR> � Children – Mannerless <BR> <BR> � Bills - Paperless <BR> <BR> <BR... Fri, 28 Jul 2017 22:00:33 EST Need A New PC ? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6392237 You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. <BR> <BR> For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... <BR> <BR> If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> ABBOTT: Super Duper com... Wed, 26 Jul 2017 09:49:39 EST