ILOVEROSES's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ILOVEROSES ILOVEROSES's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ A twist on Government definitions... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782693 <BR> In my many years I have come to a conclusion <BR> that one useless man is a shame, <BR> two is a law firm <BR> and three or more is a government. <BR> John Adams <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, <BR> if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. <BR> Mark Twain <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Suppose you were an idiot. <BR> And suppose you were a member of government. <BR> But then I repeat myself. <BR> Mark Twain <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR... Fri, 19 Sep 2014 01:39:16 EST Odd Spot #23. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5781533 Father-of-two Matthew Hearn, 30, of Fleetwood, England, has been sacked from his job as cleaning manager of shopping centre for taking the ice bucket challenge to raise money during work hours. He was told he 'did not meet requirements' for his role following the challenge. <BR> <em>40</em> <BR> ________________________ <BR> <BR> David Greenman, 34, ate 33 raw cloves of Iberian garlic in 60 seconds to win the world garlic-eating competition in Dorset, England. He beat the runner-up by ... Wed, 17 Sep 2014 09:47:10 EST Never Argue with Children. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5779603 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. <BR> <BR> The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. <BR> <BR> The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." <BR> The teacher asked "What if Jonah we... Sun, 14 Sep 2014 10:33:34 EST Laws of nature! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5777590 <BR> <BR> Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are the real laws of nature: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. <BR> <BR> 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. <BR> <BR> 3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. <BR> <BR> 4. Law of Random Numbers - ... Wed, 10 Sep 2014 23:13:30 EST Childbirth at 65. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5777121 With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine <BR> <BR> was able to give birth... When she was discharged from the hospital and went <BR> <BR> home, I went to visit. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 'May I see the new baby?' I asked <BR> <BR> 'Not yet ,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.' <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' <BR> <BR> 'No, not yet,' She said... Wed, 10 Sep 2014 09:14:14 EST Australia: From An American's Viewpoint. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775570 David Mason is a Writer, a Professor and a Poet Laureate of Colorado. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> There's a lot to admire about Australia, especially if you're a visiting American, says David Mason. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> More often than you might expect, Australian friends patiently listening to me enthuse about their country have said, ''We need outsiders like you to remind us what we have.'' So here it is - a small presumptuous list of what one foreigner admires in Oz. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR... Mon, 8 Sep 2014 04:22:29 EST Seen in the newspaper. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5772486 Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! <BR> <BR> They put in a correction the next day. I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny. Apparently, Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? <BR> <BR> -------------------------------- <BR> <BR... Wed, 3 Sep 2014 09:11:19 EST Odd Spot #22. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5771062 Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from public libraries. <BR> <em>40</em> <BR> ______________________ <BR> <BR> The main purpose of growing rice in flooded paddocks is to drown the weeds surrounding the seedlings and rice is the main food consumed for half the people worldwide. <BR> ______________________ <BR> <BR> Horseracing regulations require no racehorse's name to contain more than 18 letters. <BR> _________________________ <BR> <BR> Sheep do... Mon, 1 Sep 2014 10:54:22 EST Odd Spot #21. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5770197 A Nebraska man wanted for violating his parole was arrested after a video of him taking the ALS Bucket Challenge exposed his whereabouts. Jesean Morris - convicted in 2010 for attempted second-degree assault using a firearm - is back in the cooler after he posted a Facebook video of himself being doused in ice water. <BR> <em>40</em> <BR> __________________________ <BR> <BR> Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten <em>265</em> At least that ... Sat, 30 Aug 2014 23:29:34 EST PRICELESS. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5768317 <BR> A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman <BR> sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. <BR> <BR> So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, <BR> 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'.... <BR> and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. <BR> <BR> She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, <BR> not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. <BR> The waiter, who was li... Wed, 27 Aug 2014 20:46:33 EST Sex After Retirement http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5765937 An elderly married couple was at home watching TV. <BR> <BR> <BR> The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You know how to fish!" <BR> <BR> <BR> ......... I didn't see that coming! Sun, 24 Aug 2014 09:52:57 EST Definitely a new twist on things… http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763323 A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. <BR> <BR> <BR> One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. <BR> One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out int... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 05:22:21 EST Choosing a wife. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5756163 A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of £5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. <BR> <BR> <BR> The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. <BR> <BR> The man was impressed. <BR> ... Sat, 9 Aug 2014 07:37:20 EST Jewish Divorce ..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5747046 <BR> Now this is what I would term "good and sound logic"!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A Jewish woman says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Jacob! <BR> All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece. <BR> It used to be the size of a 5 cent piece." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Her mother says: <BR> "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman. <BR> You live in an 8 bedroom mansion. <BR> You drive a Ferrari. <BR> You get $2,000 a week allowance. <BR> You... Sat, 26 Jul 2014 16:50:01 EST Odd Spot #20. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5745180 A Russian fishing blog has sent anglers scrambling to catch giant mutant catfish said to be growing near the site of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster. The blog even included a picture of one catfish that locals are calling Borka, and which they claim is more than two metres long. <em>40</em> <em>492</em> <BR> _________________________ <BR> <BR> A university student wanted for jumping bail on a drink-driving charge in New York was caught after he made a joke to a newspaper and it printed... Wed, 23 Jul 2014 18:50:54 EST Blonde joke. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5742730 A business man got on an elevator. <BR> <BR> When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, <BR> "T-G-I-F" <BR> <BR> He smiled at her and replied, <BR> "S-H-I-T" <BR> <BR> She looked puzzled and repeated, <BR> "T-G-I-F," more slowly. <BR> <BR> He again answered, <BR> "S-H-I-T." <BR> <BR> The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, <BR> "T-G-I-F." <BR> <BR> The man smiled back t... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 13:13:30 EST One more sleep! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5737180 I have finally packed my very big suitcase <em>198</em> In 12 hours I'll be at the airport waiting to board the plane taking me to my 2 gorgeous GD's <em>224</em> <BR> I have to travel 10,000 miles to babysit, but I don't mind at all. Their parents are going away to celebrate 20th anniversary so we are gonna look after the girls for the night. The accommodation, dinner, breakfast etc are our anniversary <em>144</em> for DD & SIL, with babysitting thrown in <em>211</em> <BR> <BR>... Sat, 12 Jul 2014 09:02:42 EST EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5736593 1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . ..... <BR> 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' <BR> I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. <BR> Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. <BR> Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco <BR> <BR> 2.... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. <BR> ... Fri, 11 Jul 2014 09:25:30 EST Odd Spot #19. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5735898 A small-time criminal known as Biggie or Fatboy has been arrested for hiding drugs in his fat folds. Officers in Florida pulled over Christopher Mitchell, 42, because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt but his behaviour made them suspicious. A drugs dog found cocaine and marijuana packed into stomach folds of his 204-kilogram /449-lbs frame. <BR> <em>15</em> <BR> _____________________________ <BR> <BR> Pub owner Frances Cunningham of Congleton, Cheshire in England, has been sent a GBP100 ($1... Thu, 10 Jul 2014 08:56:15 EST Odd Spot #18. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5734903 The epitome of boredom is popularly thought to be watching paint dry. Dr Thomas Curwen, 34, has done just that in his job for a major paint company in Twyford, England, for the past four years. He says it is fascinating watching the changing colour of paint as it dries - both on walls and up close through a microscope. <BR> <em>40</em> <BR> ___________________________ <BR> <BR> Engineers Phillip Weicker and Duncan Forster hope to set a record by travelling at more than 160km/h / 100m/h... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 22:16:26 EST Don't mess with the Red-back spider. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5733010 An office receptionist got the shock of her life earlier last week when she found a 70cm long snake entangled in the web of a deadly spider. <BR> Tania Robertson, a receptionist at an electrical firm in Perth, came in to work on Tuesday and spotted the sight next to a desk in her office. <BR> The snake, which had obviously died from the spider's poisonous bite, was off the ground and caught up in the web. <BR> <BR> Leon Lotz of the Arachnology Department at the National Museum said it was... Sun, 6 Jul 2014 10:11:40 EST Budget cuts. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5732391 The AMA has weighed in on Joe Hockey’s proposed changes Australia’s health services: <BR> <BR> The Allergists voted to scratch them, but the <BR> <BR> Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. <BR> <BR> The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the <BR> <BR> Neurologists thought he had a lot of nerve. <BR> <BR> The Obstetricians felt he was labouring under a misconception. <BR> <BR> Ophthalmologists considered the ideas short-sighted. <BR> <BR> Patholog... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 09:17:19 EST The Hypnotist's Therapy. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5731840 A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." <BR> <BR> "No more headaches?" the husband asks, ''What happened?" <BR> <BR> His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. <BR> He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat <BR> "I do not have a headache; <BR> I do not have a headache, <BR> I do not have a headache.." <BR> It worked! The headaches are all gone." <BR> <BR> The hu... Fri, 4 Jul 2014 09:48:30 EST Odd Spot #17. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5731152 A pit bull, normally known for its aggressive temperament, has been handed back to a dog's home because of flatulence. One-year-old Misty was adopted from a South Carolina shelter but was returned because it 'passed too much gas'. But in a happy ending, a doggy-lover prepared to put up with the gas adopted Misty a second time. <BR> ____________________________ <BR> <BR> A Norwegian artist boiled and ate his own deformed hip bone after he had to have it removed in an operation. Alexander S... Thu, 3 Jul 2014 08:56:17 EST Odd Spot #16. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5730421 Health researchers have blamed Shakespeare because language used in his plays has helped cause the social stigma linked to skin conditions. They say phrases such as "Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle" and a "pox upon him" have promoted negative attitudes towards imperfect skin. <BR> ____________________________ <BR> <BR> A Kansas woman charged with arson has told police she was trying to kill a spider. Ginny Griffith, 34, told officers she used a cigarette lighter to se... Wed, 2 Jul 2014 09:38:21 EST Odd Spot #15. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5728919 Chinese doctors have come up with a new ailment striking people across the country - World Cup syndrome. Symptoms are listlessness, tiredness and insomnia induced by the strange times that <em>131</em> games are broadcast from Brazil. In Chengdu city authorities have opened a World Cup syndrome clinic. <BR> <em>40</em> <BR> _________________________ <BR> <BR> Scratch-and-sniff cards carrying the smell of cannabis are to be sent to homes by 17 police forces in England and Wales. The i... Mon, 30 Jun 2014 09:25:14 EST Odd Spot #14. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5727644 A British crook was arrested after leaving his false teeth at the scene. Justin Stansfield helped himself to a crate of beer and ice lollies (sweets) after breaking into a garage in West Yorkshire, police said. But after taking out his false teeth to enjoy the goodies, he fled without his dentures. He has been jailed for a string of burglaries. <BR> <em>334</em> <BR> ___________________________ <BR> <BR> US Customs officers at Newark Liberty International Airport have confiscated a ba... Sat, 28 Jun 2014 10:01:44 EST Ramblings of a Retired Mind. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5727035 I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is the cell phone that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. <BR> <BR> I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think. <BR> <BR> You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. <BR> <BR> I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 27 Jun 2014 10:23:30 EST INVESTMENT TIPS FOR 2014 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5726186 For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2014: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR... Thu, 26 Jun 2014 08:33:13 EST HOW THE FIGHT STARTED #3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5725517 After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. <BR> <BR> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. <BR> <BR> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. <BR> <BR> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. <BR> <BR> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest i... Wed, 25 Jun 2014 10:04:51 EST HOW THE FIGHT STARTED #2. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5724714 My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. <BR> <BR> I asked her, "Do you know him?" <BR> <BR> "Yes", she sighed, <BR> <BR> "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." <BR> <BR> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" <BR> <BR> And then t... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 08:55:52 EST HOW THE FIGHT STARTED. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5723303 One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... <BR> <BR> The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. <BR> <BR> When she asked me why, I replied, <BR> <BR> "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" <BR> <BR> And that's how the fight started... <BR> ________________________________ <BR> <BR> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. <BR> <BR> I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' <... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 10:02:51 EST Calculate your age! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5722686 <BR> This is one for all you mathematicians. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "Your Phone number will reveal your Age. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I do not know who discovered this? Really accurate. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> It will take about 15 seconds, read and do it at the same time so that you will not lose the fun. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> [1] Take a look at your last digit of your cell phone number <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> [2] Use this figure and multiply by 2 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> [3] Then add 5 <B... Sat, 21 Jun 2014 10:27:00 EST Jewish English. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5721092 <BR> The New York City Public Schools have officially declared Jewish English, now dubbed Hebronics, as a second language. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Professor Shulman explains, <BR> "In Hebronics, the response to any question is usually another question with a complaint that is either implied or stated. <BR> <BR> <BR> Thus 'How are you?' may be answered, 'How should I be, with my bad feet?' " <BR> <BR> Shulman says that Hebronics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or scep... Thu, 19 Jun 2014 04:21:14 EST Fable of the Porcupine. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5720465 It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their <BR> compani... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 08:55:53 EST What is Politics? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5718970 Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, <BR> <BR> by promising to protect each from the other. <BR> <BR> ~Oscar Amringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. <BR> <BR> ~Texas Guinan. 19th century American businessman <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, <BR> <BR> it might be better to change the ... Mon, 16 Jun 2014 09:28:19 EST HOW TO STAY YOUNG. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5718353 Stay Young My Friend <BR> <BR> We all need to read this one over and over - until it becomes part of who we are! <BR> <BR> 1. Try everything twice. <BR> On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph: <BR> "Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!" <BR> <BR> 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. <BR> (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!) <BR> <BR> <BR> 3. Keep learning: <BR> Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, wha... Sun, 15 Jun 2014 10:16:21 EST Why Women Lie. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5717740 <BR> One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. <BR> When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. <BR> The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires. <BR> <BR> 'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked Th... Sat, 14 Jun 2014 10:00:18 EST Odd Spot #13. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5717137 A fox in Britain has stolen dozens of <em>295</em> and dumped them outside a woman's house. The problem has become so bad that Elaine Hewitt has put a shoe rack outside her home near Leeds so neighbours can reclaim their missing footwear. <BR> The fox is now leaving a shoe a day, ranging from sandals to work boots. <em>40</em> <BR> ___________________________ <BR> <BR> Jogging backwards has helped a Californian woman beat a rare neurological condition and continue her passion for runn... Fri, 13 Jun 2014 10:17:48 EST Odd Spot #12. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5716362 Crucial details in 30 New York trials went unrecorded because the court typist was writing "I hate my job. I hate my job" over and over instead, it has emerged. <BR> At least 10 convictions could be overturned after stenographer Daniel Kochanski failed to deliver the transcripts judges were expecting. <BR> _____________________________ <BR> <BR> Aaron Parfitt, 14, has been suspended from Bispham High School in Blackpool, England, for two days after leading 100 pupils in a walk-out - because... Thu, 12 Jun 2014 09:25:25 EST 'OLD' IS WHEN... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715565 <BR> 'OLD' IS WHEN...Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, <BR> 'Pick one; I can't do both!' <BR> <BR> <BR> 'OLD' IS WHEN...Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. <BR> <BR> <BR> 'OLD' IS WHEN...Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. <BR> <BR> <BR> 'OLD' IS WHEN....You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. <BR> <BR> <BR> 'OLD' IS WHEN...You are cautioned to ... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 08:54:39 EST Today's Bible reading. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5714798 Today's Bible reading is from Genesis: <BR> <BR> And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the Earth. <BR> <BR> Then God made the Earth round. <BR> <BR> And she laughed. <BR> <BR> -------------------------------------- <BR> <BR> We women are angels but when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly..........on a broomstick. <BR> <BR> We are flexible like that. <BR> <BR> Tue, 10 Jun 2014 08:54:59 EST What a difference a Century makes! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5713856 <BR> The year is 1910, over one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! <BR> <BR> <BR> Here are some statistics for the Year 1910: <BR> <BR> <BR> The average life expectancy for men was 47 years. <BR> <BR> <BR> Fuel for a car was sold in drug stores only. <BR> <BR> <BR> Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub. <BR> <BR> <BR> Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. <BR> <BR> <BR> There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads. <BR> <BR> <BR> T... Mon, 9 Jun 2014 02:36:16 EST Italian Funeral. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5713120 <BR> A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. <BR> A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. <BR> Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. <BR> <BR> <BR> The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached ... Sat, 7 Jun 2014 23:16:29 EST An Irishman on a diet. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5712477 An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. <BR> <BR> 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day. <BR> And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. <BR> <BR> The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.' <BR> <BR> When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds! <BR> <BR> <BR> 'That's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?' ... Sat, 7 Jun 2014 01:41:36 EST Latex Gloves. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710405 Next time you use a pair of latex gloves when you're painting or crafting, you're going to smile when you think of this: <BR> <BR> <BR> A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. <BR> <BR> <BR> 'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked. <BR> <BR> <BR> 'No, I don't,' she replied. <BR> <BR> <BR> 'Well, 'he spoofed', 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers o... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 09:54:40 EST Burqa Problem Solved. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5709450 How Attaturk of Turkey solved the Burqa problem. <BR> <BR> <BR> For those struggling to ban women from wearing Burqa in their countries, <BR> <BR> Mustafa Kamal, who has a nickname of "Attaturk" and who is the <BR> <BR> founder of modern Turkey resolved the problem in a very wise way. <BR> <BR> He issued the following decree: <BR> <BR> "With immediate effect, all Turkish women are privileged to wear <BR> <BR> whatever they choose, however, all prostitutes must wear a Burqa. <BR> <BR> ... Tue, 3 Jun 2014 04:00:02 EST A Camel Tale http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708766 <BR> Once upon a time there was a very handsome male camel with two huge camel humps. <BR> <BR> <BR> He fell in love and married a beautiful female camel who had one perfect camel hump. <BR> <BR> <BR> As time progressed, they became the proud parents of a wonderful baby camel who had no humps. <BR> <BR> <BR> They contemplated long and hard on what to call their beautiful little boy. <BR> They finally decided on..... <BR> <BR> <BR> Are you ready for this? <BR> <BR> <BR> ' <BR> <BR... Mon, 2 Jun 2014 09:40:40 EST A new airport security device. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5707952 <BR> The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. <BR> <BR> <BR> It 's an armoured booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person. <BR> <BR> <BR> Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials. <BR> <BR> <BR> You're in the air... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 08:55:46 EST My New Neighbour http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5707429 <BR> She's single... <BR> She lives right across the street. <BR> I can see her condo from my deck. <BR> I watched as she got home from work this evening. <BR> I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway and <BR> knocked on my door. <BR> <BR> <BR> I rushed to open it, she looks at me and says, <BR> "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good <BR> time, get drunk, and make love all night long! <BR> Are you busy tonight?" <BR> <BR> <BR> I quickly r... Sat, 31 May 2014 11:19:32 EST