ILOVEROSES's SparkPeople Blog ILOVEROSES's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community One More Sleep! Well, it's Monday just after midnight and in about 11 hours we leave home for the airport on our next Scottish Pilgrimage <em>211</em> When you do it every July for the past 10 years you can call it a pilgrimage, right?! <BR> <BR> It is time to see our beautiful granddaughters for the next 3 weeks. That's the only time we can do it, when they have their summer holidays, if you could call it summer the weather they have up there. I spoke to my DD on Wednesday and she told me it was about ... Sun, 26 Jul 2015 10:33:33 EST Facebook explained <BR> For those of my generation who do not really comprehend Facebook . <BR> <BR> Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. <BR> <BR> Every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. <BR> <BR> Then I give them pictures of my family, my friends, my dog and of me gardening and spending time in my pool. <BR> <BR> I also listen t... Fri, 24 Jul 2015 23:43:27 EST TRUE STORY... At the prodding of my friends I am writing this story. My name is Mildred Honor. <BR> <BR> I am a former elementary school Music Teacher from Des Moines, Iowa. <BR> <BR> I have always supplemented my income by Teaching Piano Lessons... <BR> <BR> Something I have done for over 30 years. <BR> <BR> During those years I found that children have many levels of musical ability, and even though I have never had the prodigy, I have taught some very talented students. <BR> <BR> However, I have al... Wed, 22 Jul 2015 04:48:45 EST Joke of the Week. The mayor of the Greek town visited a Spanish town. <BR> <BR> When he saw the palatial mansion of the Spanish mayor, he asked how on earth he could afford such a house. <BR> <BR> The Spaniard replied: "You see that bridge over there? The European Union gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single-lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place." <BR> <BR> The following year, the mayor from Spain visited his Greek counterpart. He was sim... Sat, 18 Jul 2015 22:18:47 EST The Pickle Slicer Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a Jewish pickle factory. <BR> <BR> <BR> For many years he had a powerful desire to put his <BR> <BR> <BR> penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, <BR> <BR> <BR> he sought professional help from the factory psychologist. <BR> <BR> <BR> After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised <BR> <BR> <BR> Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never <BR> <BR> <BR> have any peace of mind. <BR> <BR> <BR> The next d... Fri, 17 Jul 2015 21:19:46 EST Wonderful English from Around the World In a Bangkok Temple <BR> IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN. <BR> <BR> Cocktail lounge, Norway: <BR> LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. <BR> <BR> Doctor's office, Rome <BR> SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. <BR> <BR> Dry cleaners, Bangkok : <BR> DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. <BR> <BR> In a Nairobi restaurant: <BR> CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. <BR> <BR> On the main road to Mo... Thu, 16 Jul 2015 09:04:12 EST Random Thoughts Regarding Sex… <BR> <BR> "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. <BR> <BR> Rodney Dangerfield <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." <BR> Lynn Lavner <BR> <BR> <BR> "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” <BR> Camille Paglia <BR> <BR> <BR> "Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimporta... Tue, 14 Jul 2015 20:24:16 EST LARRY. A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. <BR> <BR> She began her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!’ <BR> <BR> After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. <BR> <BR> The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' <BR> <BR> 'No, ma'am, but I didn't like to see you standing there all by yourself!' <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. <BR> 'Why do you do that, ... Mon, 13 Jul 2015 08:55:23 EST This is Brilliant!! A young law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, <BR> <BR> who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. <BR> <BR> <BR> Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?" <BR> <BR> Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?" <BR> <BR> Student: "OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, <BR> <BR> I will accept my mark as it is. If you can't give me th... Fri, 10 Jul 2015 09:53:12 EST Medical Distinction Between Guts and Balls. Distinction Between Guts and Balls (As in “that guy really has guts” or “he really has balls”) <BR> <BR> There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. <BR> We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? <BR> In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: <BR> <BR> <BR> GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you... Thu, 9 Jul 2015 09:25:01 EST The Cat That Went To Heaven. A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, <BR> 'You have been a good cat all these years. <BR> Anything you want is yours for the asking.' <BR> <BR> The cat thought for a minute and then said 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.' <BR> <BR> God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. <BR> <BR> A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all... Wed, 1 Jul 2015 10:13:51 EST The Irish Furniture Dealer. Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. <BR> <BR> <BR> After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. <BR> <BR> To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. <em>181</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small plac... Tue, 30 Jun 2015 09:15:44 EST Drunk Driver - True Story from Australia Only an Aussie could pull this one off! <BR> A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland. <BR> <BR> Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening. <BR> <BR> The officer noticed a man (Luke Sandery) leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. <BR> <BR> The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. <BR> <BR> After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the m... Sun, 28 Jun 2015 09:13:39 EST What a nice story! A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. <BR> He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. <BR> As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. <BR> <BR> <BR> He looked down into the eyes of a little boy. <BR> <BR> "Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." <BR> <BR> "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and co... Wed, 24 Jun 2015 07:26:47 EST Two Irishmen. <BR> <BR> Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local saw mill. <BR> <BR> <BR> One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. <BR> <BR> Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. <BR> <BR> Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising". <BR> <BR> Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. <... Sat, 13 Jun 2015 23:57:51 EST Car Trouble A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.. She tells the mechanic it died. <BR> <BR> <BR> After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. <BR> <BR> <BR> She says, 'What's the story?' <BR> <BR> <BR> He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' <BR> <BR> <BR> She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Editor's Note: Obviously an old joke. Fuel injection replaced carburetors years ago. <BR> <BR> <BR> But a blonde wouldn't know th... Tue, 9 Jun 2015 09:52:54 EST SIMPLE TRUTHS SIMPLE TRUTH #1 <BR> <BR> Lovers help each other undress before sex. <BR> <BR> However after sex, they always dress on their own. <BR> <BR> Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> SIMPLE TRUTH #2 <BR> <BR> When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats". <BR> <BR> But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job". <BR> <BR> Moral of the story: "Hard work is rarely appreciated." <BR> <BR>... Sat, 6 Jun 2015 10:09:50 EST Breakfast. <BR> I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, <BR> <BR> <BR> “What day is tomorrow?" <BR> <BR> <BR> Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!" .. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?" .. <BR> <BR> <BR> I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, etc. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White Hous... Fri, 5 Jun 2015 10:51:52 EST The Gay Cowboy. A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. <BR> <BR> She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. <BR> <BR> Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. <BR> <BR> She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than... Thu, 4 Jun 2015 09:05:46 EST THE OLDER WOMAN Last night, at the club, I ended up chatting and having a few drinks with 'an older woman'. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> In fact, for a 61 year old, I thought she looked pretty well OK. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that if she had a daughter, she'd be pretty cool to know. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle … <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> … and that's when she asked if I'd ever experienced a 'Sportsman's Doubl... Wed, 3 Jun 2015 09:11:35 EST Your Parking Officer's Funeral! As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at your Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams . . . . .; <BR> <BR> "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" <BR> <BR> The Vicar smiles; leans forward, and sucking air through his teeth mutters . . . . . <BR> <BR> "Too bloody late pal, I've already done the paperwork" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> You're smiling . . . . . <BR> <BR> <BR> Good for You ! <BR> <em>334</em> Tue, 2 Jun 2015 00:31:25 EST Understanding unemployment Believe it or not, this gives you one of the best explanations of our current unemployment. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America . <BR> <BR> ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%. <BR> <BR> COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? <BR> <BR> ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%. <BR> <BR> COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%. <BR> <BR> ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed. <BR> <BR> COSTELLO: Right 7.8% out of work. <BR> <BR> ABBOTT:... Sun, 31 May 2015 10:11:31 EST Prostate Exam An old Jewish guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. <BR> <BR> <BR> When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. <BR> <BR> <BR> The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. <BR> <BR> <BR> I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, <B... Sat, 30 May 2015 22:09:10 EST Medical examination <BR> During a lady's medical examination, the British doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." <BR> <BR> <BR> The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "No! No! .... Just stick out your tongue!" <BR> <em>20</em> <em>100</em> <BR> Sat, 30 May 2015 09:50:08 EST Golf Lessons A foursome is waiting at the men's tee while another foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee. <BR> <BR> <BR> The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet. <BR> <BR> <BR> She goes over and whiffs it completely. <BR> Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet. <BR> <BR> <BR> She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically," I guess all those fu**ing lessons I took over t... Fri, 29 May 2015 06:03:07 EST Grandma's Boyfriend <BR> A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. <BR> Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' <BR> <BR> <BR> Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. <BR> I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. <BR> The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. <BR> I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' <BR> <BR> <BR>... Thu, 28 May 2015 02:04:48 EST SIMPLE TRUTH SIMPLE TRUTH #1 <BR> <BR> Lovers help each other undress before sex. <BR> <BR> However after sex, they always dress on their own. <BR> <BR> Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed. <BR> <BR> <BR> SIMPLE TRUTH #2 <BR> <BR> When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, <BR> "Congrats". <BR> <BR> But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job". <BR> <BR> Moral of the story: "Hard work is rarely appreciated." <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 25 May 2015 09:20:27 EST Random Thoughts <BR> <BR> Life is like a roll of toilet paper, it goes really fast at the end. <BR> <BR> <BR> I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks! <BR> <BR> <BR> I don't need anger management. I need people to stop making me mad! <BR> <BR> <BR> Old age is coming at a really bad time! <BR> <BR> <BR> When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... <BR> now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation! <BR> <BR> <BR> The biggest lie I tell myself is ... Sat, 23 May 2015 11:57:55 EST A Shaggy Dog Story. <BR> <BR> <BR> As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his <BR> mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." <BR> Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and <BR> quickly closes the shop. <BR> He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, <BR> and trot across the road to a bus-stop. <BR> The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 22 May 2015 21:42:14 EST The Pastor's Ass The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. <BR> <BR> The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. <BR> <BR> The local paper read: <BR> <BR> PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT <BR> <BR> The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. <BR> <BR> The next day the local paper headline read: <BR> <BR> BISHOP SC... Wed, 20 May 2015 10:37:28 EST Cardiologist's Funeral A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. <BR> A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. <BR> Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. <BR> <BR> At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When... Tue, 19 May 2015 10:57:34 EST As Good of an Explanation as I've Heard! <BR> I feel better after reading this . . . <BR> <BR> Brains of older people are slow because they know so much . People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe . <BR> Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full. <BR> <BR> <BR> Researchers say this slowing down process is not the sa... Tue, 19 May 2015 00:23:47 EST A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS! <BR> Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. <BR> <BR> Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. <BR> <BR> This is how it manifests: <BR> <BR> I decide to water my garden. <BR> As I turn on the hose in the driveway, <BR> I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. <BR> <BR> As I start toward the garage, <BR> I notice mail on the porch table that <BR> I brought up from the mail box earlier. <BR> <BR> I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. ... Sun, 17 May 2015 11:47:09 EST A week of Chuckles. <BR> MONDAY <BR> <BR> The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. <BR> <BR> Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. <BR> <BR> The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. <BR> He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of ... Sat, 16 May 2015 10:55:48 EST IRISH ALZHEIMERS Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. <BR> After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" <BR> <BR> Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. <BR> I also knew that he had... Fri, 15 May 2015 19:31:52 EST Retiree Mental Fitness Evaluation This test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are doing ok, if you get none right you better go for counselling. <BR> <BR> (I'll meet you there.) <BR> <BR> <BR> There are 4 test questions. Don't miss one. <BR> <BR> <BR> Giraffe Test. <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 19 Mar 2015 22:52:28 EST Little Boy Lost. A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, ‘Hello’. <BR> <BR> Lawyer: Is your mummy there? <BR> Boy (whisper): Yes <BR> <BR> Lawyer: Can I speak with her? <BR> Boy (whisper): She’s busy. <BR> <BR> Lawyer: Is your dad there? Can I speak with him? <BR> Boy (whisper): He’s busy. <BR> <BR> Lawyer: Is anyone else there? <BR> Boy (whisper): The fire department, the police department. <BR> <BR> Lawyer: Well, can I talk to one of th... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 22:27:48 EST One more sleep... I've had a busy day today. In the morning I've done 2 loads of washing, hung them out and with the warm and sunny weather everything is dry now and off the line. No more dirty clothes in the laundry basket till we come back from the holiday in 5 weeks! <BR> <BR> Tonight I had the children and DH's sister for his birthday and farewell dinner. I had compliments for the chicken and a new Hazelnut Meringue cake I made for the first time <em>4</em> We also had some French bubbly <em>181</em>... Wed, 25 Feb 2015 07:32:40 EST The Therapist. An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office. <BR> The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' <BR> The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' <BR> The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. <BR> <BR> When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..' <BR> <BR> He thanks them for coming, he wishes them ... Sun, 22 Feb 2015 06:56:53 EST THE MAN WHO GAVE UP SEX FOR GOLF A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. <BR> <BR> "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself. <BR> <BR> Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, <BR> <BR> "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?" <BR> <BR> Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, <BR> <BR> the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, <BR> <BR> "Sure," and sinks the p... Sat, 14 Feb 2015 00:34:29 EST For the Grandparents- it is just beautiful! GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE: <BR> <BR> Good morning . . . At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp .... <BR> <BR> <BR> If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "birth date" so we know who it is. <BR> <BR> If you need us to stay with the children, press 2 <BR> If you want to borrow the car, press 3 <BR> If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press 4 <BR> If you w... Wed, 11 Feb 2015 01:28:15 EST WHY GOD MADE MOMS? Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Why did God make mothers? <BR> <BR> 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 2. To help us out of there when we were getting born. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> How did God make mothers? <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. <BR> <BR... Sun, 1 Feb 2015 09:49:02 EST Silent Convent. Sister Mary joined a Convent of Silence. <BR> <BR> <BR> The Priest said; “Sister, this is a silent Convent. <BR> You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.” <BR> <BR> <BR> Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, <BR> <BR> “Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. <BR> <BR> You may speak two words.” <BR> <BR> <BR> Sister Mary said, “Hard bed.” <BR> <BR> “I'm sorry to hear that,” the Priest said. ... Thu, 29 Jan 2015 23:46:02 EST THE TOILET SEAT My wife had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while she was out. <BR> <BR> After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. <BR> <BR> Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her butt to the toilet seat. <BR> <BR> About that time, I got home and realized her pre... Sun, 25 Jan 2015 07:44:03 EST 30 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes <BR> I found myself in a pub in Cork. A group of American tourists came in. <BR> <BR> One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you are great drinkers. <BR> <BR> I bet 5,000 euros that no-one here can drink 30 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes." <BR> <BR> The bar was silent, the American noticed one Irishman leaving, no-one took up the bet. <BR> <BR> 40 minutes later the Irishman who left returned and said "Hey Yank, is your wee bet still on?" <BR> <BR> <BR> "S... Fri, 23 Jan 2015 07:57:24 EST Odd Spot 30. Drugs suspect Jason Duval has convinced a US judge to take his Nike sneakers instead of cash for his bail. Judge Douglas Stoddart wanted him jailed for failing to pay $450 court costs but liked the sneakers-for-bail idea suggested by Duval. He will get his shoes back if he pays $100 over four weeks. <BR> <em>68</em> <BR> ____________________________ <BR> <BR> A civil servant in India has finally been sacked, 25 years after he stopped turning up for work. A.K. Verma, an executive engin... Thu, 22 Jan 2015 06:33:59 EST Gentlemen and Ladies! As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, <BR> <BR> I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's as* anymore. <BR> <BR> .... If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. <BR> <BR> .... A whale swims all day, mainly eat fish, drinks water, but is still fat. <BR> <BR> .... A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while <BR> <BR> .... A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. <BR> <BR> And you tell me... Tue, 20 Jan 2015 07:28:09 EST Seniors Under Attack! <BR> THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! <BR> <BR> <BR> We Must Stop This Immediately ! <BR> <BR> Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper . Groceries are heavier . And, everything is farther away. <BR> Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! <BR> <BR> <BR> And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. <BR> They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak... Fri, 9 Jan 2015 18:37:22 EST The Haircut... One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, <BR> <BR> 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' <BR> <BR> The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. <BR> <BR> Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ... Tue, 6 Jan 2015 04:06:54 EST A Nice Lawyer Story. <BR> If you think lawyers don't have hearts, read the best lawyer story of all none. <BR> <BR> <BR> The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. <BR> So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. <BR> <BR> <BR> The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like ... Mon, 5 Jan 2015 08:24:30 EST