ILIKECACTI's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ILIKECACTI ILIKECACTI's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ oh baby... hopefully http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5712947 Best laid plans: I have tried for years upon years to lose weight- with the main goal to get healthy before getting pregnant. <BR> Actual accomplishment: losing 15-20lbs (depending on the day and water retention) out of the 45lbs that was the initial goal from my highest weight ever. Better than not losing, and way better than continuing on the previous path and continuing to gain. But still, I remain a smidge over into the obese category. <BR> <BR> But I'm 32 (...33 in a few months), and ... Sat, 7 Jun 2014 17:10:02 EST stress eating will be the death of me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5699514 Oh my. <BR> <BR> So I'm trying to get my act together again for one last finale of weight loss before we try to get pregnant (in about 2 mos from now, and I don't want the gestational diabetes). But the thing is that tons of stressful stuff is happening now: we are coming to the end of residency (medical), trying to finish up some projects is turning out to be more challenging than expected, we are preparing for a move , preparing for new jobs, there is a window of a few days in which we ca... Tue, 20 May 2014 20:49:36 EST survived http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5687089 I just survived my last really difficult month in residency. As I finished my last 24h work shift, I looked forward to start working out again, and getting back on track for weight loss. <BR> <BR> I maintained my weight for the most part this past month.... better than gaining. So, at least I can start by continuing to lose weight, not re-losing weight I gained back again :) <BR> <BR> Yesterday was spend mostly sleeping after I got off work- my husband is out of town for the weekend, and I... Sun, 4 May 2014 10:45:40 EST trying! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5643512 So, first lemme get the whining out of the way... <BR> -Last week, I tried so hard, but I think the one night we went out for Mexican food sabotaged my weight loss amt for the week- only lost 1 lb, when I had intended to lose 2. But better than 0. <BR> - I'm feeling pre-depressed about work- I will have to be immersed in stuff I hate for the next 8 weeks and work 80hr/wk again. There will be a mental count down every step of the way. On top of that, I have several big projects coming due th... Sun, 9 Mar 2014 11:01:27 EST oopsie and new goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5631768 Ugh... in my last blog post I was all gung ho about moving forward. But in reality, I did the opposite of moving forward. I moved backward... er... away form my goals, towards bad foods (both in quantity and quality), and I gained back some weight. Possibly up to 6 lbs. <BR> <BR> But maybe not 6 lbs. I just weighed myself. I usually weigh in the mornings, but it's the afternoon, so maybe there is some variation there. And I'm sure some is water weight... as there were many salty things in m... Sun, 23 Feb 2014 16:25:56 EST when maintenance is a victory http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5622159 So for the past 4 weeks, I was working my tail off in the intensive care unit. The majority of my waking hours (>70 hours/week) were spent in a busy pediatric ICU- which left little time for me. Only 4 days off the entire month- most of which were spent converting to a week of working the night shift, and then converting back to working days. <BR> <BR> Usually when I'm on a hard work month, I end up gaining weight back. Eating becomes a pursuit in the quick and soothing, as these months are... Wed, 12 Feb 2014 10:40:22 EST holiday purge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5585785 So I still have holiday remnants in my apartment- specifically in my kitchen. Cookies, candies, massive chocolate bar, peppermint chocolate, chips and queso... and i have continued to munch on them. <BR> <BR> But it needs to stop. I need to get back on track to keep up with my goals. There is a clock ticking here. A clock to having babies!! Need to be healthier to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. <BR> <BR> SO, time to refocus my goals, remind my self of what's important to me. R... Tue, 7 Jan 2014 14:36:56 EST Lazy bum-ness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5567256 Oh the best laid plans.... <BR> Not that I have a real excuse. I could blame it on the transition from working nights to being awake during the day making me more exhausted than usual. But the truth is that I was just plain lazy. <BR> I had a half-day of work and then a whole day off, and I squandered it away with sitting my butt on the couch and watching tv shows. Ugh. <BR> I had plans to do marathon sessions on my exercise bike and read alot of stuff for work... but NONE of that happened... Wed, 18 Dec 2013 12:29:50 EST signs of weight loss http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5558264 Yesterday I noticed for the first time that one single pair of pants that I own was fitting a little looser. They are a pair of khaki cargo pants that I love to just slip on to go run a quick errand- yesterday was grocery shopping. They are one of those pairs of pants that have become a barometer of my weight. They are drawstring without a button or a zipper, so there is no more give when the waist is at it's max. They had been fitting ok for a while, and then they had gotten tight and uncomf... Fri, 6 Dec 2013 09:51:54 EST goals are good http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5554018 I love the spark tracker. <BR> <BR> I tried to achieve the November SP goal. I got to 90%.... good, but I think I would have made it if I hadn't been sick in the middle of this month. Boo for that. But it makes me want to make the December monthly goal even more!! <BR> <BR> Still trying to reach my daily goal of 10,000 steps too. Have made 9,000-something on some days, but haven't hit the target yet. But it wouldn't be a good goal if it were easy, right? <BR> <BR> I kinda fell off tracki... Sun, 1 Dec 2013 09:43:00 EST thanksgiving realizations http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5552610 I did better than I thought I would at Thanksgiving. Things weren't sitting very well in my stomach, so I didn't eat tons and I didn't drink much. I didn't even hit up the desert table- which is NOT LIKE ME. And even though we took home some turkey and ham and sides, we avoided taking home desert leftovers. Yay me! <BR> <BR> However, there was a bounce house at thanksgiving for all the kids (and kid-like adults). It was a mirror into how out of shape i am. Since one of the reasons i want to ... Fri, 29 Nov 2013 07:28:19 EST set up for this week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5547524 I'm at the end of my 2 days off this week from 13h night shifts the other 5 nights of the week. I have been sick with a wicked cold- my face was a snot factory and I'm coughing up tons of junk. But things are starting to get better. During the past week, I wasn't very active with being sick- so, it's going to be a little bit of a challenge to make the November SPtracker goal. I'm about 60% of the way now, and I have 8 more days to go- er- 9 including today, since it has just begun :) <BR> <B... Fri, 22 Nov 2013 08:26:15 EST doin it. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5538325 So, I'm conquering my excuses. <BR> <BR> 1- Excuse: Working odd hours that change every 4 wks makes working out difficult, especially when working nights. Conquer: Today I woke up earlier than normal (after going to bed sooner after getting home from work than usual), too give myself time to get my butt up on the stationary bike for some amount of time- some is better than nothing! <BR> <BR> 2- Excuse: My exercise bike hurts my butt. Conquer: Yesterday I ordered a new bike seat that should... Mon, 11 Nov 2013 13:53:58 EST Gettin down to bidness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5536519 This AM, I stepped on the scale- post-vacay weigh in. Ouchie. I am up 4 lbs. :( Hopefully some of that is water weight, because lord knows I ate alot of sodium.... amongst many other things. But now to move forward. <BR> <BR> I have dusted off the stationary bike. On the drive back from my vacation, I had a marvelous idea! Usually I watch TV while riding the stationary bike (and by usually, i mean usually never). I used to bribe myself with TV to get off my lazy butt, but then I feel guilty... Sat, 9 Nov 2013 11:14:36 EST sad realization + increased determination + spark tracker http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5535296 Hi Spark-friends- <BR> <BR> I had a sad realization 2 days ago. It was a comment from my husband (who is usually uber supportive) that kind of slapped me in the face. I made a comment starting with, "When I lose weight.... blah blah- *insert whatever here*". And he laughed. Laughed out of disbelief that I would actually lose the weight. And it hurt. <BR> <BR> And then I realized that I have been trying to lose weight for 4 1/2 years- and I've lost and re-gained the same 10-15 lbs over and... Thu, 7 Nov 2013 22:20:44 EST Spark Activity Tracker on the way! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5518482 Big moves lately.... <BR> <BR> This past month, I have had consistent effort to getting back on track. So, I'm proud to say that after shamefully bloating up to 194 lbs again (never thought I would get above 190 again, but I did), over the past 4 wks, I'm back to 184 :) <BR> <BR> Working nights and odd hours helps too... I get nauseated when I work weird hours, so I eat less. <BR> <BR> Part of the loss may be thanks to my new scale. I think my old scale weighed me a few lbs higher than ... Sun, 20 Oct 2013 12:03:35 EST immediate reinforcement http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5494142 Oh I so needed this! Got on the scale when I woke up today and.... <BR> <BR> I'm down 3.5 LBS!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> I'm sure I most of that was water retention that I peed out, but I'll take it! I mean my weight basically increased by about 8lbs in the past 2-3weeks... which was soooo depressing, and I was hoping that it wasn't all pure fat. <BR> <BR> Still eating well. Have been in calorie range for 2 days now. Working on meeting activity goals with BodyMedia Fit. <BR> <BR> Anyway, to see... Mon, 23 Sep 2013 19:00:26 EST I didn't think I would be at this place again. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5492755 I readily admit that I have been postponing "starting" again. And then... <BR> <BR> OMG. I stepped on the scale this AM, and i'm 2.5lbs away from my heaviest weight EVER. <BR> *lots of fear* <BR> <BR> So I'm back on to tracking (good or bad) and starting to take the steps to be healthier again. <BR> <BR> I'm also transitioning to the night shift for a month today. Blerg. <BR> <BR> So, I'm charging up my bodymedia fit, tracking my food. my husband is cooking a healthy meal now that will... Sun, 22 Sep 2013 12:24:37 EST contemplative stage http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5474010 Ok.... I've been gone for a while. My efforts have been intermittent- ok, mostly absent, and a little more weight came back (3.5 lbs up from where my tracker is now- the last time I was logged in here). Not to mention that the last blog I posted was all about getting back on track again back in April =p <BR> <BR> Anyway, no super grand plans now, but I'm feeling the need for change. A change for the healthy. <BR> <BR> All of these "start agains" that I have had are discouraging. I mean, I ... Mon, 2 Sep 2013 22:16:57 EST back again! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5331034 OK.. trying to be positive, as I have a tendency towards the negative. <BR> <BR> Same story, another round... too much work... not enough time... ate my feelings... scale went up... and now i'm back and trying again. <BR> <BR> Upside: <BR> - Still 10 lbs down from my highest weight ever. <BR> - Still have a year before we try to get pregnant <BR> - My husband is encouraging, and since he doesn't need to lose weight (or maybe 5lbs at the most), we have been talking about him getting back... Sun, 21 Apr 2013 21:41:18 EST BM fit synching, on-call misery http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5227596 Can I just say I LOVE that SP synchs with BM fit now!!!! <BR> It's bumping my motivation to get more activity in during the day! <BR> <BR> Still struggling with the eating. It's up and down. <BR> <BR> but I lost 1 lb this past week... so that's something. <BR> <BR> And starting this AM, I'm on sick-call for the next 2 weeks. If any of my colleagues get sick and cannot work, I will be called in to work for them. Day shift, night shift- anytime and anywhere in the hospital! I have 1 hour t... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 18:30:43 EST Perfectionism rears it's ugly head http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5215589 I over-analyze things, especially things I don't really want to do... like exercise! <BR> <BR> I spend too much time in my head thinking of the "best" thing to do that I end up doing nothing. Yes, I do realize how stupid this sounds... but it's what i do. Here's an example: <BR> <BR> "Gosh I should ride my stationary bike... but interval training gets more results than just pedaling away for 30min, so I should do intervals. But the thought of doing intervals is not appealing at all right ... Sun, 20 Jan 2013 13:13:22 EST End of Turkey Coma, JM's BR re-start http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5146087 So I have been AWOL for the past month, because of crazy work hours- 80 hrs/wk, switching from nights to days, back to nights, and then back to days- that really screws up a person. And if that's not enough, throw in the stress of really sick children in the ICU, some sad outcomes, and feeling like I will never have enough knowledge. On the total 4 days off I had in the past month, I pretty much just tried to catch up on sleep. <BR> <BR> And then my schedule changed- I have wonderful, glori... Sun, 25 Nov 2012 15:18:58 EST JM's Body Revolution!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5083713 After what seemed like forever since I ordered it, I have JM's Body Revolution in my hands. I never received any emails of order confirmation or shipping notification (and yes, I even checked my spam), so I finally looked up my tracking on the website- and it was delivered to my apartment complex Saturday- without the usual sticky notification on my door. So promptly at 9am, when the office opened, I was there to pick it up. <BR> <BR> I took my measurements, and then dove into workout 1. I ... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 11:45:07 EST Committment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5069725 I need to make a committment. I need some pressure, or nothing happens. So I did something that will either be great or make me feel really stupid. <BR> <BR> I bought Jillian Michael's Body Revolution. <BR> <BR> However, 1st I had a discussion with my husbnd about it. It's not cheap, so it's not something I would just buy without discussing it first. And we have had previous conversations about unused fitness products that I have bought in the past : /. I was pretty sure he was going to la... Fri, 21 Sep 2012 22:20:44 EST Slow is the way to go? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5064108 ... because 2 lbs per week is just not feasable for me. CLEARLY. <BR> <BR> For the past 2 months or so I have been losing and re-gaining the same stupid 3-4 lbs. I plan well, but I do not follow through. Oh I'm good at the planning part... it's just the rest that I suck at. <BR> <BR> My pants are tight.... still. It's such a frustrating feeling. The only good part is that after this week, for the next 2 months I will be wearing scrubs pretty much all the time. The goal is that when I ha... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 22:56:48 EST steps in the right direction http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5049929 So, in my last blog, I talked about my first failure since starting over (still less than a week ago). I had planned to make up for it yesterday... and I was doing well with lots of exercise.... and then my husband came home and wanted to go out to eat to a really cool pizza place we had been wanting to try. <BR> <BR> And then no one had to twist my arm to order dessert. Bad me! <BR> <BR> But that leads me to my progress today. I have not stopped! I have not thrown in the towel! <BR> <BR... Sat, 8 Sep 2012 16:10:05 EST first fail of this go-round http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5048302 I was so on track for 2 1/2 days.... and then I got REALLY HUNGRY, and then I got upset about some stuff, and then I got the eff-it-all attitude and dove open-mouth-first into food. And then I added wine, and then that led to some more food. <BR> <BR> However, I tracked it all (... progress.... not giving up). The grand total of my evening mistake was 2876 calories for the day. Boo.... could have been worse, but certainly did not contribute to my goals. <BR> <BR> But that's all ok. I gott... Fri, 7 Sep 2012 09:45:19 EST Day 1: 3 victories http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5044639 So this morning I reset my goals- as the past month has been pretty much a wash- lose a few, gain them back- repeat cycle x2. <BR> <BR> This morning, I got up with the best of intentions, ate a good breakfast, and then went to work. I arrived to clinic, and spread out next to the spot I would be sitting in for much of the day would be a smorgasbord of pastries and sweet and cheese and crackers and pepperoni and more sweets- all for someone's bday. And I got to smell it all day long. <BR> ... Tue, 4 Sep 2012 21:26:42 EST over the temptation hump... for now :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5032199 The past few days were a bit of a struggle. It's the main fight that struggle with and the main cause of derailment. I'm sure you can guess what this battle is.... <BR> <BR> WHAT I WANT TO EAT vs WHAT I SHOULD EAT...... blerg <BR> <BR> The past few days, I have REALLY wanted to go out to eat. However, being that I'm off this weekend, it would behoove me to cook and store leftovers for during the week. And I recently bough SP's cookbook... so I really had no excuses. <BR> <BR> Despite the ... Sun, 26 Aug 2012 20:26:20 EST perseverance http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5029322 So, I get motivated by weight loss shows... who doesn't? This week I have watched 2 episodes of Extreme Makeover: weight loss edition. And I found them to be different that the others. These 2 people did not meet the goals set out for them. One of the main things they struggled with was emotional/addictive eating. They showed how difficult it was for them to consistently change their eating habits- something I definitely struggle with. I will go several days of great healthy eating, and then ... Fri, 24 Aug 2012 12:43:10 EST yoga? stress? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5026130 So I got the spark deal email this AM about the lifetime membership to a yoga website. I'm interested, but I have not bought it yet. It sounds good.... but then I wonder if I will really use it. In theory I will, but I have had lots of plans.... <BR> <BR> Benefits of yoga that appeal to me is gaining stress relief, strength and flexibility. Anybody do yoga much? What do you think of the benefits? <BR> <BR> I have stress. I need to learn how to manage it better. Exercise helps alot. Yoga ma... Wed, 22 Aug 2012 10:11:04 EST yoga? stress? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5026129 So I got the spark deal email this AM about the lifetime membership to a yoga website. I'm interested, but I have not bought it yet. It sounds good.... but then I wonder if I will really use it. In theory I will, but I have had lots of plans.... <BR> <BR> Benefits of yoga that appeal to me is gaining stress relief, strength and flexibility. Anybody do yoga much? What do you think of the benefits? <BR> <BR> I have stress. I need to learn how to manage it better. Exercise helps alot. Yoga ma... Wed, 22 Aug 2012 10:10:58 EST mini-uplift http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5025220 Today, I decided to take the time and be nice to me. I am my own harshest critic. <BR> <BR> I did some work at a coffee shop this morning- while enjoying a sugar free latte. <BR> I went to the mall and did a few things I had been thinking about recently- <BR> - I bought a new sports bra :) The girls are big. Not any sports bra is effective. And I need something to handle jumping and running. I have 1 sports bra that does the job, but I wanted a second. I love love love those specialty bra... Tue, 21 Aug 2012 17:00:26 EST slacking, and then a kick in the pants http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5021836 So last week was a bust, with the end-result being weight gain. I was at a conference for most of the week, and I successfully avoided the breakfast pastries, but dinners- I started out with a plan, and then several invitations for dinners out came. <BR> <BR> I did eventually cook my planned meal of black bean burgers and tabbouleh, and I like the recipes. Very tasty. Especially the tabbouleh! Since I cooked it at the end of last week, I still have left overs to carry over for this week- so... Sun, 19 Aug 2012 13:19:47 EST Frustration, yet progress http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4999192 So this morning, as per my usual routine, I stepped on the scale... I have been the exact same weight all this week. I keep watching for it to change- even by 0.5 lb- but it does not. <BR> <BR> This week has not been perfect by any means, but overall, I have been doing ok. I have had calorie deficits every day. Every day!! And some days are large calorie deficits- like 1000-1500. I expected to see something, ANYTHING by now. <BR> <BR> I know the routine advice- don't weigh yourself every ... Fri, 3 Aug 2012 08:51:08 EST depressy angst http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4993745 This morning I woke up in an AWFUL mood. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and ignore the day. This fog of depressy angst was surrounding me. I was disappointed in myself that I had alot of talk about goals- healthy eating and exercise- but had pretty much failed last week. I felt like I was letting this precious opportunity of FREE TIME that I have right now slip through my fingers. <BR> <BR> I will not have this time for long. 1 more month of amazing amounts of free time, the month after... Mon, 30 Jul 2012 20:48:56 EST Fat pants fail http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4991471 Yesterday was the celebration of my husband's grandmother's bday. The first outfit I put on exaggerated my muffin top, so I changed pants. I put on my trusty fat pants- a pair of khaki capris that i have head for about 3 yrs. Lately I have been depending on these pants. <BR> <BR> So then fast forward to hanging with the family, I squatted down to pick up one of the kids- and I hear/feel "riiiiiiiipp". Oh crap. <BR> <BR> I quickly brushed my hand across my butt to make sure I wasn't totall... Sun, 29 Jul 2012 09:51:10 EST darn me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4987549 So I had my first failure of this go-round.... <BR> <BR> BUT it could have been worse, and there were a few differences than when I have screwed up in the past. <BR> <BR> FIrst of all, a friend invited us out to eat at a mexican restraunt. This is my weakness... margaritas and chips and queso and enchiladas.... oh it's so hard to be good. <BR> <BR> This time I made better choices, so I exceeded my calorie limit, but I still managed to have a calorie deficit for the day. <BR> So here are... Thu, 26 Jul 2012 09:31:26 EST a little more motivation! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4984419 So I just found out my long-time friend- who is also overweight, is now losing weight too. She lives in another state, so I rarely see her anymore, so I wouldn't know unless she told me. <BR> <BR> In an email, I mentioned that i was trying to lose weight again. She replied that she has actually been doing the Hcg diet- and she knows I would poo-poo that diet, but it's working for her. She's already lost 20 lbs. She didn't mention how long she's been doing it. <BR> <BR> Nothing like one of... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 08:02:49 EST New goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4982123 I almost feel like I don't deserve to post goals... I have "started over" too many times. It makes my goals sound less valid. But I'm gonna fight those feelings and post my goals anyway. <BR> <BR> My weight goals: <BR> 1. Big picture goals: To not be overweight when we decide to get pregnant. Which will be in 1-2yrs from now. At 174lbs, I will no longer be obese, and at 145lbs, I will no longer be overweight. <BR> <BR> 2. First step goal: To get to 160lbs by the end of the year. That wil... Sun, 22 Jul 2012 19:33:27 EST super fail + a scare http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4980453 So this past week was my vacation. The vacation part was wonderful. However, my food beast was unleashed. And it hung around all week- longer than I intended. <BR> <BR> Oh dear. <BR> <BR> Totally gained back everything I lost in the past 2 weeks and possibly them some on top of that. Not yet sure what is bloat vs real bonifide fat. But one thing I know for sure- my pants are tighter again. :( <BR> <BR> But what can I do now but start anew. <BR> <BR> Something else happened that drove t... Sat, 21 Jul 2012 12:18:38 EST my husband wanted burgers... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4966075 So I have been pretty on track this week. Meeting my calorie burn goals. Staying around goal eating range to have a 1000-ish caloric deficit each day. I have been kinda proud of myself. <BR> <BR> I had planned out this whole week in terms of food. <BR> <BR> And then today, my husband cames home and says he's really craving burgers. I. LOVE. BURGERS. (and I really love burgers with mayo- lots of mayo. and onions) So, in all reality it didn't take much arm twisting to get me to agree. And m... Wed, 11 Jul 2012 20:20:12 EST Accepting Reality vs Plan http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4959436 I am a bit of a perfectionist. Career-wise, this works out for me well (minus the stress I put on myself). Weight-loss-wise, this is the enemy. It makes me want to throw in the towel if things are not as I think they "should be". "Should" is a dirty word. So much badness comes with it. Examples below: <BR> - I should work-out X amount of time per week- but my work schedule is not allowing for that, so I don't work out at all. <BR> - I should track EVERYTHING I eat in it's exact form, so if ... Sat, 7 Jul 2012 15:31:17 EST fear/challenge/dedication http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4955010 This hard. The hunger has come. <BR> <BR> The first few days of healthy and less eating are good. I'm focused on the prize, and I am either not hungry or I interpret hunger pains as a step towards my goal. <BR> <BR> And then the newness wears off. Hunger is now unpleasant. And it just keep coming. I may eat a healthy snack, but it's back again shortly afterwards (no matter how much protein was in the snack to help me stay full). I eat my healthy dinner, and I'm hungry immediately afterwar... Wed, 4 Jul 2012 11:46:38 EST Desire for instant gratification http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4952310 I know this is unreasonable... but I like instant gratification. And that is not beneficial to this process. <BR> <BR> In my last blog, I mentioned that since starting to exercise again only last week, I feel like <em>104</em> , but on the outside, I'm still <em>15</em> . <BR> <BR> That point was hammered home this morning when I put on some slacks for work- one of my "larger" ones. I knew they had been fitting tightly before my vacation last week, and before starting to work out and be... Mon, 2 Jul 2012 17:19:00 EST perspective http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4950239 A few days of eating healthier, doing some vigerous, no joke exercise- no big changes expected at this point. <BR> <BR> However, even after just a few days, I feel different :) <BR> I feel like this <em>104</em> <BR> Even though on the outside, I still look like this <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> I have some specific things that are motivating me right now: <BR> 1- Getting closer to the time that my husband and I may try getting pregnant- in about 1-1.5 yrs from now. Gestational, if not type... Sun, 1 Jul 2012 12:03:15 EST cylinder http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4948234 I took my measurements before starting my first workout yesterday. <BR> <BR> I am a cylinder. An unbalanced, somewhat shifted cylinder. I'm roughly the same diameter around my waist as my butt/hips- it's just that my stomach sticks forward, and my butt sticks backwards. If you lined me up, I would be a cylinder. <BR> <BR> Boo. <BR> <BR> But that's going to change. My legs are soo sore today from yesterday's workout. And I worked out today too. 2 days in a row... yay me! Work-out dvds, s... Fri, 29 Jun 2012 21:22:50 EST Back again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4946037 I'm starting again... for the thounsandth time... but better to keep trying than to give up. <BR> <BR> I let residency take over my live... not sure how much of a say I had in that, but that's what happened. I had the past 3 mos on difficult rotations in which I was working ALL THE TIME, with increased stress, no real time for myself, barely seeing my husband, never havng groceries in the fridge that were not expired. 12 days on, working 10-15 hours each day and then 2 days off- x3 mos. 1 ... Thu, 28 Jun 2012 10:40:23 EST weaknesses.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4858072 This weekend was a contemplation of my weaknesses. Mostly because they were rearing their ugly heads! So, now, instead of beating myself up some more... I'm going to blog it out. <BR> <BR> Weakness #1: Food and my husband <BR> One of my favorite activities is going out to eat with my husband. With our work hours usually conflicting with each other, I like to take advantage of this when we can. And it's no secret that I love food too! So, even though I had prepared to eat healthy this weeken... Sun, 29 Apr 2012 19:19:35 EST