HOT_MAMA_13's SparkPeople Blog HOT_MAMA_13's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Feeling Like A Fraud I don't know if it's Mercury Retrograde, End-of-the-Year Blues, SAD, something else or a combination of those and more but no matter what I do, no matter how sincere - I feel like a fraud. I don't know why. <BR> <BR> That's partly why I've stepped away from here again. I just feel like no matter what I post it just feels fake. Does anyone else experience that?? I truly dislike the feeling very much. <BR> <BR> I just don't feel like myself lately. Something is off and I just can't place w... Thu, 22 Dec 2016 23:57:18 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 28 <em>465</em> <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 28 <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful for having time alone in the studio to work on social media things to help improve online presence for where I work. I have fun doing posts for Twitter and Facebook and such. <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful for fun kids books that make my kids want to read - and not just to themselves but out loud to me! <BR> <BR> 3) I am grateful for imagination and creativity and belief in ma... Mon, 28 Nov 2016 20:39:16 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Days 24 - 27 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> I've been busy with work, sick kids and a sick hubby while trying to tell myself that I'm not sick because I don't have time to be sick. While I've tried to be sure to log in most every day of November to at least spin the wheel and get credit for being here, I've had days where I just haven't had the time and/or the energy to do my blog posts. So once again, I'm catching up. Without further ado: <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Da... Mon, 28 Nov 2016 00:37:21 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 23 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 23 <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful for a nicely busy day at work today, 2 clients who were both happy with their sessions. It makes me feel good when my clients feel good. <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful for a quick, simple, and yummy dinner of grilled cheese tonight. Something filling but didn't take forever to make. <BR> <BR> 3) I am grateful for the next two days off while still looking forward to the two clie... Wed, 23 Nov 2016 22:05:05 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 22 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 22 <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful that today is an anniversary of sorts for my hubby and I. He asked me out August 22, 2002 and we've been saying "Happy Anniversary" to each other on the 22nd of every month ever since. Silly we know, but we've been silly for 14 years now, not going to stop any time soon. <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful that I covered a shift at work today - my first client and I hit it off very w... Tue, 22 Nov 2016 23:37:31 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 21 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 21 <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful for a busy day at the studio today. 2 out of my 3 clients were running late, Thank Heavens my 3rd client is a close friend who was flexible and okay with being a bit late. <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful for the opportunity hubby had tonight and will have again tomorrow to help bartend at the bar he's been working as Security & Bar Back for. Hopefully he'll make some good tips to... Mon, 21 Nov 2016 22:44:40 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 20 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 20 <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful for being able to give my body rest. I had plans for today but ended up just staying home trying to rest so as not to miss work tomorrow. <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful for SparkPeople. Still, after all this time of being here there are still fantastic people who encourage and inspire and everything else under the sun. I'm grateful for this family to keep coming back around to. ... Sun, 20 Nov 2016 21:36:05 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 19 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 19 <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful for my car. The weather has turned rather chilly here in the Chicagoland area and I still see so many people walking wherever they are going. I don't know if I'd be able to go back to walking as much as I used to years ago, especially in this weather. It makes me very grateful to have safe, warm transportation. <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful for medicine - both the prescriptions... Sat, 19 Nov 2016 22:38:46 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 18 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 18: <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful for having decently busy days at the new studio. While the pay scale could always be a little better, something is always better than nothing! <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful that I was able to get a little extra sleep this morning when I wasn't feeling good. I didn't have a client today until 1 PM so I didn't have to be in the studio until about 12:30. I was nice to get the boy... Fri, 18 Nov 2016 22:08:01 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 17 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> Day 17: <BR> 1) I am grateful to have had a fun morning with my youngest at his school - today was the first Breakfast, Books and Bonding event of the school year. It's always fun to spend some time in the classroom to see how they do things. <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful to have had a good interview with a massage studio. I'll be going back to do the hands-on portion of the interview process with the owner and that will be what facto... Thu, 17 Nov 2016 20:20:32 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Days 10 - 16 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> Wow!! I have an entire week to catch up on! I can't believe how busy I've been in this last week that I haven't had time and/or energy to come here and do my Gratitude lists! <BR> <BR> I'll do my best to do at least 3 things for each day, hopefully I can still think of 5! Here goes: <BR> <BR> Day 10: <BR> 1) I am grateful I was able to attend a parent presentation at my oldest son's middle school. It was a father who's son committ... Wed, 16 Nov 2016 22:55:05 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Days 8 & 9 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> I have to admit, between yesterday and today I'm having a difficult time focusing on gratitude. Chump is not who I voted for and I am worried for my children, for many friends I have of non-white race, and so many more that he has bashed throughout his entire campaign. While many are placated by his speech, I am not. Not yet. I will *NEVER* be on the Chump-wagon, but maybe, *MAYBE* if he truly makes the changes he says he will I can... Wed, 9 Nov 2016 22:49:08 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 7 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> Day 7 - <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful for sleep and how it allows my body to work on healing itself and all the other amazing things the body does for itself. <BR> <BR> 2) I am grateful for discovering amazing projects like The World Needs More Love Letters (check them out at <link> </link> ) because it gives me hope for humanity despite all the bad things mainstream media wants you to think is all that is happeni... Mon, 7 Nov 2016 23:28:52 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Days 2 - 6 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> Okay - I have a lot of catching up to do today so here goes: <BR> <BR> <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> <BR> <BR> Day 2 - <BR> 1) I started my new job at a new massage studio - feels fantastic to be back at work again doing what I love! <BR> <BR> 2) I had 2 clients right away on my first day - boss/owner said that doesn't usually happen. <BR> <BR> 3) My kids behaved while being stuck at work with Gene & I - we w... Sun, 6 Nov 2016 15:33:00 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Days 2 - 5 I didn't forget my commitment here, I've been busy working at my new place of employment doing Massage Therapy as well as still working at the bar. I'm exhausted today. I *WILL* make up Days 2 - 6 tomorrow when I've been able to sleep and can concentrate better. I promise. Sat, 5 Nov 2016 22:24:36 EST 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 1 <em>465</em> <em>426</em> <em>465</em> Each November I do my best to list at least 5 things each day that I am grateful for - it brings the reason behind Thanksgiving to a fuller presence for me to extend it to the whole month. If you would like to join me I welcome you <em>213</em> <BR> <BR> 30 Days of Gratitude - Day 1 <BR> <BR> 1) I am grateful for my family. Though they drive me crazy sometimes, okay often, I would move Heaven and Earth for them. They give me something to... Tue, 1 Nov 2016 17:50:15 EST Untitled Poem <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Goddess Mother, shining bright, <BR> Fill me with your mystic light. <BR> Secrets of women shine through the ages, <BR> You are there guiding us at all our stages. <BR> Gentle Maiden fair and young, <BR> Her beauty and innocence is often sung. <BR> Loving Mother patient and kind, <BR> All our lives in our hearts she is entwined. <BR> Silver Crone the mysterious grandmother, <BR> We turn to y... Sun, 16 Oct 2016 02:50:29 EST Making Space Lately I've been clearing out old email inboxes, paring down on digital clutter, and tonight I even stepped away from a number of SparkTeams I really wasn't participating in; there are probably a couple more I could step away from but we'll see. <BR> <BR> I don't know why, but getting rid of digital/online clutter brings almost as much relief as getting rid of physical clutter does. I've been working on doing that here and there as often as I can as well. I just feel this need to let go of... Wed, 28 Sep 2016 21:03:02 EST 2016 Cross Country Season Will had to sit out the very first meet of the 2016 season back on Tuesday because we didn't have his physical done in time. His appointment was originally supposed to be next Wednesday but yesterday afternoon I got a phone call saying an appointment had opened at 1 PM today so we took it and signed him out of school at noon. He got checked out, got his physical signed and we made a fast stop for a late lunch since he missed it at school. Then it was time to head to the park where they were... Thu, 15 Sep 2016 23:36:07 EST Rainbow Meditation Walking through some older posts on the SparkTeam Mend Your Mind/Body Connection I found a post from ZOESJOURNEY0309 titled The Rainbow Meditation. I wanted to put it here in my blog so I have an easier time of finding it again and so some of you could enjoy it as well. Here it is: <BR> <BR> Imagine, see with your mind's eye, <BR> Feel with your inner knowingness that you are far out in space <BR> Far from Earth. <BR> You look back at earth, and it appears <BR> As a small ball of sh... Tue, 6 Sep 2016 22:12:43 EST Doing Something For Myself Last year I won a contest online for a $50 Gift Card to a great place out in Oregon called The DragonTree. I bought their Rituals for Living Dreambook (blank copy I can use over & over) and two other products (Muscle Melt Liniment and PMS Relief tincture) that I am grateful to have and use (especially the PMS Relief!!). If you've never heard of them I encourage you to check them out! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> ... Tue, 6 Sep 2016 21:13:22 EST What A Weekend My husband has temporary work as Security at a bar. His basic job is to check IDs and put wristbands on the ones 21+ who are going to be drinking, making sure no one sits on or puts drinks/food on the pool tables, and keep an eye on patrons who may be at the point of needing to be cut off from the booze. 8 times out of 10 nothing really big happens. Last night was one of the few nights crap hit the fan. <BR> <BR> An overly drunk patron not only tried to walk out on a three-digit tab, but o... Sun, 4 Sep 2016 23:22:58 EST Today Is My Birthday <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Number 8 - Financial abundance is coming to you. <BR> <BR> Number 30 - God and the Ascended Masters are here to help you. Call upon them for help with anything that brings you and your loved ones peace, and anything that helps you on your life path. <BR> <BR> Number 1978: Number 197 - You're on the right path with your plans and intentions about your Divine Purpose in life. Take action tod... Tue, 30 Aug 2016 13:10:10 EST Job Interview Tomorrow I have another job interview tomorrow at noon, this time for a hospital's wellness center. It has the potential to give me two locations to work at - Naperville and Woodridge. One is closer to home than the other, but by keeping my foot in the door at the actual hospital could help with getting to where I see myself working with kids and hospice patients. <BR> <BR> I'm still very much interested in the place I interviewed at last week, I love the chance to work with my Angel Oracle Cards m... Thu, 25 Aug 2016 23:36:57 EST Earning My Associate's Degree <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> I'm feeling pretty proud of myself today. After Will's Cross Country practice was done I dropped him off at home and went down to Moraine Valley Community College to find out how close I was (or not) to an Associate's Degree. <BR> <BR> I currently have a 3.05 GPA (I need to make it to 3.5 if I want to earn Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society before I graduate) and I am closer than I thought... Mon, 22 Aug 2016 15:42:48 EST Good Things Coming This Week The resumes I sent out last week did earn me an interview this week on Thursday morning. It's at a place similar to SW but not as big. The big plus is that they have people on staff who do card readings - tarot, fortune and/or oracle cards. I've been wanting to do that more myself, and not just for myself anymore so I'm really hoping that I can add a few hours here and there doing card readings as well as doing massages for them. <BR> <BR> William is looking forward to the three cross count... Mon, 15 Aug 2016 01:02:11 EST Update Blog <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> For those of you who might be wondering how my oldest is doing after splitting open his chin last month, he's doing really good! The glue came off about a week and a half ago and though it's still tender to the touch it looks great! Take a look: <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photosaws.sparkpeopl... Tue, 9 Aug 2016 16:39:26 EST Making Your Creative Dreams Real by SARK <img src=""> <BR> <BR> A Creative Dream Is: <BR> <BR> - Something that pulls you, draws you in, causes glee <BR> <BR> - Something you think about with great relish, eagerness, quiet satisfaction or delight <BR> <BR> - Something you would do for free <BR> <BR> - Something you feel inspired to share <BR> <BR> - Something that occupies your attention even while doing other work <BR> <BR> - Something with it's o... Thu, 4 Aug 2016 17:56:09 EST Honor The Space <img src=""> <BR> <BR> On July 21st I was let go from the place I'd dreamed of working since at least 2008. I'm grateful to have been there for the year I was as I did learn much both about massage and about myself. I allowed myself that Thursday to be crushed, to cry, to wallow. By Friday morning I was updating my social media accounts as well as my resume. Their loss will be someone else's spectacular gain! ... Sun, 31 Jul 2016 17:13:36 EST Pokemon Go & The Splash Pad My husband, 2 boys & I started out late afternoon Pokemon hunting for the first time. Hubby's phone is the only thing we have that will run the game so we go as a family & take turns on catching them. <BR> <BR> After hunting in the heat & humidity of late afternoon we went to the splash pad at our park district so they boys could play & cool off the fun way. Then we were going to dry out a bit as we walked home catching a few more Pokemon. So we planned. <BR> <BR> The boys played until the ... Wed, 13 Jul 2016 00:05:22 EST Looking to What I Know Best I'm a bookworm. Always have been. Always will be. Therefore it makes perfect sense to me to turn to books to help me lose weight. I've started these books a few times, but am starting them again. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Marianne Williamson - A Course in Weight Loss <BR> <BR> and <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Julia Cameron - The Writ... Tue, 5 Jul 2016 17:26:20 EST Starting From Today <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I stepped away from SparkPeople for nearly two full years. Some of the time I did my best to stick to the things I'd learned here, other times I didn't. Now, I'm starting from where I am today. <BR> <BR> Last time I did my measurements it was May 2014. I took them today for the first tim... Fri, 1 Jul 2016 17:21:24 EST Still Cleaning House <img src=""> <BR> <BR> We've accomplished a lot today and I'm proud of that. I'm trying not to let the fact there there's still so far to go to dampen my spirits. I'm focusing on how much lighter the livingroom feels, how much lighter *I* feel mentally and physically with all that has been accomplished today. <BR> <BR> Looking forward to spending time with one of my best friends who I haven't seen in ages - she's... Wed, 29 Jun 2016 00:23:40 EST Summer Cleaning <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> We missed the Spring Cleaning and since yesterday was the first official day of Summer we are Summer Cleaning - it's just like Spring Cleaning except you sweat more! LOL <BR> <BR> With all the funky ... Wed, 22 Jun 2016 00:57:10 EST I Am Afraid <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> I fully realized today that I am afraid to be my authentic self 24/7/365. I can be about 90-95% myself at work (which is a huge reason why I Love where I am); around certain friends I can be 90-100% myself; around other friends, a good chunk of family, and/or people I don't know I feel as though I can only be 50% authentic (if even some days!). <BR> <BR> In grade school I knew I was t... Thu, 2 Jun 2016 17:15:22 EST It's Been 528 Days Since I Last Logged In Greetings All! <BR> <BR> I stepped away so long ago - yet some days it feels like only a few months ago - because it just got to the point that it felt like a job, a chore to be here every single day. There was no more fun to it. I couldn't deal with the feeling of it dragging me down instead of lifting me up. I honestly had no idea it would take me so long to come back around. <BR> <BR> Let me see - hubby's NREMT License will be expiring soon (if it hasn't already) and he's 2 years behin... Thu, 2 Jun 2016 00:12:04 EST New Beginnings It was with some regret that I left my post at Elements Therapeutic Massage in Woodridge after having been there for a year and a half. But sadly things were not going the way they needed to and it was time for a change. It all started when I ended up being off for a month due to some medical issues. When I was cleared to work & went back to the studio, my boss was very upset with me & cut me down to only 4 hours a week. But it was how she was behaving toward me when I went back to talk wi... Mon, 20 Oct 2014 00:35:00 EST Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning - Have You Forgotten The title of this post is taken from 2 songs that came up in the days not long after 9/11/01. I know exactly where I was that morning. I remember waking up in the recliner in my parents' living room and trying to focus on the television. I remember watching that second plane just disappear into the South Tower and then that large inferno blasting out the other side. I remember just being in shock. <BR> <BR> Where my parents' house is located, were one to stand outside on a typical day, you w... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 23:16:59 EST Hiding From Myself Again <img src=""> <BR> WARNING - NEGATIVITY AHEAD - CAUTION - DO NOT ENTER IF IN GOOD MOOD <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yes, you read that correctly. I haven't been on here for a number of reasons - second most is that I'm hiding from myself. Yes, I've been busy with working at the massage studio and such but for the most part I've been lazy on my days off. Some days are honestly needed ... Fri, 1 Aug 2014 00:02:20 EST Please Support Our Soldiers <em>227</em> <em>232</em> <em>195</em> <em>381</em> <em>303</em> <BR> <BR> To all of my family & friends - of all the things that you will read today *THIS* is really important to me. *PLEASE STOP & TAKE A MOMENT* <BR> <BR> My friend & former partner, James Kilanski and his brother John-Paul Kilanski both served at Fort McClellan. The exposures are many and if you need to see proof James will provide it for you. Nuclear Regulator Commission, EPA, and various other reports. <... Sat, 19 Jul 2014 19:45:10 EST Can We Restart June Please? I'm pretty certain that I'm not the only one thinking that right now, and it's only the 11th day! What a wild ride it has been so far for many of my friends & SparkFriends. <BR> <BR> For me it was getting the boys through the last week of school (they were actually done last Friday on the 6th), the studio at work has been very slow as of late & I've lost some hours (which I do understand, she's trying to save money too), hubby got stung by a bee on Monday & had to spend the night in the hosp... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 22:29:06 EST End of May This whole month has been pretty split between being pretty decent & kinda stressfull so I'll still call it a good one. <BR> <BR> I haven't posted much since our trip to Starved Rock in part because I took a few days to recover from all the un-anticipated stairs my legs were mad at me for LOL I've been doing fairly well at work but really feeling the desire to strike out on my own as well so I can do the things I'd like to do but cannot because the studio doesn't offer it. <BR> <BR> The R.... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 00:17:28 EST Starved Rock State Park - Utica, Illinois Too tired to post much of anything right now other than this one picture. As it is I fell asleep here at they keyboard for about an hour just now!! Here are some quick stats before the picture: <BR> <BR> Upon arriving at Starved Rock my fitbit read: <BR> 742 Steps <BR> 2 Flights of Stairs <BR> 0.32 Miles <BR> 967 Calories Burned <BR> <BR> Here at home at the end of the day my fitbit says: <BR> 7,637 Steps <BR> 15 Flights of Stairs <BR> 3.34 Miles <BR> 3,564 Calories Burned <BR> <BR> That's... Fri, 23 May 2014 00:49:00 EST Hoping For The Best As soon as I'm done writing this post, I'll be getting myself settled in for the night out at my in-law's place. In the morning my father-in-law, husband, two boys & myself will be heading out for a trip to Starved Rock State Park. <BR> <BR> It was supposed to be my husband as a chaperone for my oldest son's class field trip to said place, but for some very stupid and utterly bull crap reasons the school decided yesterday that they were not going to allow him to go on the trip with his class... Thu, 22 May 2014 00:36:49 EST Mucked Up Monday For the most part today went well enough. I mean, my measurements & weight weren't what I'd hoped this morning but they weren't worse either so I can live with it. Then, there was my eating today - I kept that well enough under control as well & wasn't really hungry-hungry during the course of the day. I'm happy with that. <BR> <BR> My dinner tonight was something I'd bought as something quick, easy & filling to take to work for when I have my longer shifts - the tuna & honey wheat crackers ... Tue, 13 May 2014 01:51:27 EST May Weight & Measurments Well, I finally worked up the gumption to finally weigh & measure myself this morning after the boys were off to school. I'm not happy, but at least nothing got worse... <BR> <BR> May 2014 Measurements <BR> Done on May 12, 2014 <BR> <BR> Weight - 248 lbs (same) <BR> Left Arm - 15 inches (down 1 inch) <BR> Right Arm - 15 inches (down 1 inch) <BR> Neck - 14 inches (down 1 in) <BR> Bust - 47 inches (same) <BR> Under Bust - 41 inches (same) <BR> Waist - 41 inches (same) <BR> H... Mon, 12 May 2014 11:16:26 EST Friday With My Mom Today I spent the day with my Mom enjoying an early Mother's Day Out with her. We went to a place in La Grange, IL called Primal Oceans Salt Cave and treated ourselves to their Ionic Foot Detox. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> That's my before picture. We sat with our feet soaking in warm water and just enjoyed the peace & quiet. This was actually my second time having it ... Sat, 10 May 2014 00:20:17 EST Pampering Myself By Doing Laundry? I decided to pamper myself a little bit today by both taking a long hot shower (before work) and actually doing some laundry too. I needed to wash my uniform so that was the first small load (so it washed & dried quicker) and then the second load I started after my shower was all of my PJs so I had nice clean comfy ones to climb into when I got back home from work. What a nice thing to know while I was at work, that clean comfy PJs were waiting for me <em>41</em> <em>102</em> <BR> <B... Thu, 8 May 2014 22:35:41 EST Wondering Wednesday - 5/7/2014 What I'm wondering this Wednesday is: <BR> <BR> How do you detox? What exactly does it entail? Is juicing a detox? <BR> <BR> Please share with me as much detail as you can - don't worry if you happen to repeat what someone else wrote, perhaps you wrote it just differently enough I get it. I'm really trying to understand if it's something I could perhaps try to "jump start" my weight loss. <BR> <BR> Any and all non-negative feedback is very much appreciated! Thank You! Wed, 7 May 2014 12:29:09 EST Very Tired Tuesday Our youngest had been running a low-grade fever since late Friday night. It finally broke some time between Sunday night & Monday morning but we still kept him home from school because (to me) something just didn't feel right. He made it through the day pretty well all things considered. Then around 1:30 this morning he comes into our room with his hand over his ear, tears rolling down his cheeks saying "It hurts!" over and over. Hubby took him to the ER & they got there around 2 AM. They w... Tue, 6 May 2014 20:48:16 EST