HLTHAPPINESS4C's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=HLTHAPPINESS4C HLTHAPPINESS4C's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 1st Blog in 2+ years http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6339250 I haven't written in so longgg! I know part of the reason is that in 2015 I was severely depressed and in excruciating pain from fibromyalgia and lower back pain. I honestly thought things would never get better. But praise the Lord, things have gotten better. My medication change for depression worked out for the best. While I still have some symptoms the depression hasn't been so deep or long-lasting. I still have a lot of anxiety, but I haven't been completely paralyzed by it. <BR> <BR... Sun, 26 Mar 2017 14:24:04 EST A Little Ahead...I'm Already thinking of New Year! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5819500 I hope everyone has had a wonderful year thus far and that your holidays are HAP hAP HAPPY! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> This year has been a not so great year health wise. I sooo can not wait until the coming New Year. I know a New Year doesn't always mean better or that things will turn out great, but I am hopeful that 2015 will rock! I like New Years because it means a fresh pallet..a fresh start. I'm not so much into resolutions, as I think ANYTIME such as NOW is a good time to make change... Wed, 19 Nov 2014 11:54:29 EST Chronic Battle Between Mind & Body http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5666787 Having Chronic pain and illness takes it toll. My mind and body battle each other and sometimes it seems like I battle against them both. <BR> <BR> There is this constant conversation. It looks like any of these scenarios: <BR> <BR> Scenario A. My mind is ready for ACTION. Let's GO!!! <em>244</em> I am feeling so mentally ready for my challenges. I am ready to rock. My Body says: "NO!! You Can't & You won't. Remember the aches and pains you feel." My mind acknowledges the pain and yet I... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 18:56:19 EST SPRING CLEANING: Every little Step Helps! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5657252 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/2/l322333141.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Have you Ever felt that way? C'on admit it...okay maybe I am the weird one. Anyhow I tend to let things pile up and then I feel overwhelmed; this is especially true when I am depressed & or my fibro has flared up. <BR> <BR> So This week's mini challenge for my Blooming Beauties Done Girl challenge is to clean, or organize an area of the home and if necessary get rid of things and donate. Since I had my organizer h... Wed, 26 Mar 2014 18:44:17 EST Worried About This Week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5643540 It's a new week. Last week was <em>250</em> Met my fitness goals and ate reasonably well. It was the first week of the Blooming Beauties Challenge I am in. I felt confident, but now not so much. Our first weigh in date (well 2nd if you count SW) will be St. Patty's Day! My goal seems doable...lose 3lbs! So why am I worrying? <BR> <BR> Well I am dog-sitting for my sister...which is cool because : <BR> <BR> A. Love dogs and hers are sweet <em>129</em> <BR> <BR> B. I will be earning a ... Sun, 9 Mar 2014 11:40:38 EST Blooming Beauties Done Girl Before Pictures http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5639575 Ahhh the horror of it all! <em>40</em> Okay Okay it's NOT so bad. It's just that I have never put pictures of me of my highest weight in my blogs or picture album. I've been embarrassed. Especially since I have outgrown ALL of my jeans and have been reduced to wearing sweats. (Hey at least I am ALWAYS ready for exercise! lol) Ironically a fellow team mate who didn't know this info sent me a new pair of jeans goodie. She said not to worry Because I already rocked in them. Well my goal is to... Tue, 4 Mar 2014 13:57:00 EST FIGHTING Through Each CHALLENGE!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5634376 <em>326</em> It's been a crazy couple of months. It seems like I jump one hurdle and then another, taller one comes my way. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1933223945.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I have really had to fight and overcome the January and February and despite my obstacles THIS Spark gal is going to continue fighting! <BR> <BR> It started in late December; the debilitating migraine headaches that lasted for over two weeks which spilled into the new year and... Wed, 26 Feb 2014 12:36:13 EST Survived the Holidays; Now to a Happy New Year! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5583102 Christmas is a wonderful holiday; I love to decorate. I love the making of New Memories. I love celebrating Jesus' Birth. I love shopping trying to come up with thoughtful gifts. (This past Christmas I did ALL of it online....talk about surviving the madness of shopping mall and terrible traffic.) <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1537272220.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Although I love all these things about Christmas and had a great holiday, December is a tough time for me. While ... Sun, 5 Jan 2014 14:33:52 EST Bipolar and Beautiful http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5516165 It's Bipolar Awareness month. Joining my team in supporting those with Bipolar and putting an end to the stigma. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/8/l381495378.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I don't bring it up often, but Yes I do in fact have Bipolar Illness. Sometimes it's something I embrace and other times when my depression is deep I wonder if it's a curse. Yet I know I am wonderfully and fearfully made, so I am the way God meant me to be. I have Bipolar and I am beautiful ... Thu, 17 Oct 2013 13:58:30 EST Eating Instead of Feeling http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5505136 As many of you know I struggle and have been battling Binge Eating Disorder for years now. I had been doing pretty good, but the last 2 nights I have felt a sort of uncomfortable feeling...not even sure what feeling it is. I just know that instead of thinking it through and allowing myself to feel the feelings I have been stuffing myself with food. Very unhealthy to say the least. <BR> <BR> I am not sure what I am upset about other than the break up with my boyfriend of 10 months. I just hav... Sat, 5 Oct 2013 11:23:11 EST Trying to Find the Silver Living in Chronic Pain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5494906 My mantra today (at least in my attempt to be positive and find that silver lining is this : <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/6/l262924760.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I feel like it has me by the neck as my pain levels have been off the charts for days now. But I can't let it control me. I do however need to slow down. 1500 steps is my goal for today. I see my Dr. tomorrow. I pray she can help me find relief. <BR> <BR> Saying my mantra over and over until I believe! Tue, 24 Sep 2013 13:10:28 EST Not My Morning...Chronic Pain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5461932 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l1024862260.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I don't like to complain about my fibro and arthritis, but today I feel so poorly that it is affecting my daily life. I feel the need to reach out and just let others that have chronic pain know they are not alone. <BR> <BR> Today my Fibro is flared up terribly. I will be seeing my Dr for a pain shot later this afternoon. It's all I can do to function and even type up this blog. But I need to share, so here I am.... Wed, 21 Aug 2013 11:31:15 EST STOP the Mid night Munching...HOW? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5460330 I have struggled with Binge Eating Disorder for years; didn't really identify or acknowledge it until 2004 and then didn't even begin to deal with it until I came here to SP. <BR> <BR> I have had my ups and downs and yo yo dieting has my signature on it. <em>20</em> <BR> Anyhow I have overcome a lot and have had only a few binges in the past few months which is progress. <BR> <BR> I have learned to ask myself if I am H.A.L.T. (Too hungry, angry, lonely, tired) These are often triggers al... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 20:47:09 EST SCARED SKINNY? Well not quite...just scared/sad. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5453284 I've been watching episodes of Extreme Weightloss season 3 on Hulu for the past week now. The stories that have stirred so much emotion within me are Mehrbod and Trina. <BR> To see their struggles really opened my eyes to what could become my reality if I don't figure out how to get real and make this a lifestyle and lifetime change. Granted I am slowly making positive changes, but my weight doesn't reflect them and I believe it's because I'm not doing enough or perhaps not being consistent e... Mon, 12 Aug 2013 20:30:50 EST PROGRESS...WOOHOO!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5442311 Well I got my fitbit last week and I have so enjoyed challenging myself. I may not be reaching the ultimate goal of 6000 steps per day, but I am working at beating my daily progress with each day. It's quite the challenge. <BR> <BR> Found this quote and though it is cool! <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/7/l1767303569.jpg"> <BR> <BR> For a long time I would not say that what I do is excellent, but within the past few weeks I am slowly starting to see my habits progressi... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 13:06:39 EST MORE Busting Up The Negativity Pattern http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5427484 I know I have talked about my negative ways of thinking recently, but I'm bringing them up again because I really need to work on Breaking or Busting the Negativity Pattern that is ingrained in my mind and thought processes. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/7/l1745561618.jpg"> <BR> <BR> It seems so easy to say Stop being so negative and yet in all honesty if one (like me) has a history of negative thought patterns it isn't just that simple. <BR> <BR> I set some go... Sat, 20 Jul 2013 16:07:12 EST Implementing Positive Changes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5419892 Been awhile since I've blogged,so here I am! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> I recently decided that despite all my fears and failures, my binge eating disorder, my fibro, and arthritis I still CAN make positive changes that will lead to a healthie lifestyle. I realized I had long ago given up on my weightloss goals or really any goals pertaining to health. Well I took the first step a week ago or so and decided that I am going to try this again and set a clear cut goal of losing 10lbs by August 2... Sat, 13 Jul 2013 14:17:32 EST Implementing Positive Changes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5419891 Been awhile since I've blogged,so here I am! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> I recently decided that despite all my fears and failures, my binge eating disorder, my fibro, and arthritis I still CAN make positive changes that will lead to a healthie lifestyle. I realized I had long ago given up on my weightloss goals or really any goals pertaining to health. Well I took the first step a week ago or so and decided that I am going to try this again and set a clear cut goal of losing 10lbs by August 2... Sat, 13 Jul 2013 14:17:31 EST Replacing Negative Self Talk http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5381516 So this is sort of my mentality for the moment.... <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/6/l463628750.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I'm trying to think positive and well this is my start. I do think I have a beautiful personality so can it count as a positive thought? <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> I'm tired of looking in the mirror and thinking how ugly I look and all that crappy way of thinking. That is NOT going to boost my morale nor lose any weight. It's simply self defeating! How ... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 13:26:48 EST @Highest weight Ever. Talk about discouraged. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5371520 I went to my primary care Dr today because my fibro has been kicking my butt. As usual I weighed in. The scale read: 170.4 I cried. 170.4 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/8/l1836771726.jpg"> <BR> <BR> That number is my sign that something has got to change. Another sign is that in the past 6 weeks I have gained 6 lbs. A lb week....OUCH <em>33</em> <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> I Have allowed my fibro be my reason to not exercise. Granted I can't do an hour a day but I can work... Wed, 29 May 2013 13:08:01 EST HEEELLLP!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5366743 I'm blogging because I need accountability in a bad way. On February 29,2008 I did the hardest thing I have done and that is I quit smoking. I gave them up for good. But lately I have been so stressed out that the "old" me is coming back yelling at me that a cigarette would be great. I know that is false, yet I do remember how smoking did seem to calm my anxiety and my anxiety has been off the charts. I find myself staring at the counter with cigarettes at the store. Not good I know. I have b... Fri, 24 May 2013 13:16:27 EST Grrr Just HOW Angry Do I Need to Get? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5271226 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/5/l456059087.jpg"> <BR> <BR> AARRRRRGGGGH! Ok there now I feel a little better. Really I am feeling fine for the most part as my depression is lifting. The thing is is that I am so frustrated with my weight and how ugly I feel. I HATE that NONE of my dress pants fit. I HATE that MOST of my tops are too tight or too short so that when I sit or raise my arms my back fat and belly hang out. I HATE that ALL my jeans are getting tighter and tighter... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 14:31:20 EST This Turtle Truly Needs to Get Serious about Her Jumpstart http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5243946 Well I joined a February Jumpstart team in hopes that it would get me started on getting back on track. Unfortunately I've yet to put the jumper cables to my battery. LOL I have started reading the book which is "Biggest Loser 30 Day Jumpstart" I guess I have to start somewhere. What has held me back is myself. First I was very sick at beginning of challenge, but now I am just making excuses it seems. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/8/l286076887.jpg"> Pic taken fro... Sat, 9 Feb 2013 12:36:00 EST Technology Changes & Random updates http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5214365 <em>213</em> Hello It's me! I'm back online and get this I now have a webcam and mike so look out <em>432</em> I might start video blogging. I'm excited, but I have to learn how first and then come up with something to say. LOL!! <BR> <BR> Time for update since it's been awhile since I've written. <BR> <BR> 1. Back pain was under control as I had an epidural in my lower back this past Dec, I felt great for awhile but now the pain is slowly creeping it's way back in. I suppose a call t... Sat, 19 Jan 2013 13:53:38 EST TIME for GRATITUDE!!!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5113644 I've been on an emotional rollercoaster ride and have been feeling rather down. I've been struggling but today I am choosing to look at the Postives in my life and Make a gratitude list! <BR> <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> THINGS I'M THANFKFUL FOR! <BR> ----------------------------------------<BR>------- <BR> <BR> - My special spark mom who loves me and gives so freely her love, time, and wisdom <BR> <BR> ~ ALL my spark friends! <em>304</em> <em>223</em> for your support! Love u! <BR> <... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 12:09:30 EST Uff Da!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5058996 Not exactly what that means. <em>246</em> but it's mentioned as a norwegian phrase a lot in a book I am reading that in what I can tell means Good grief or something along those lines. Anyway....Uff Da! <BR> <BR> I am feeling really overwhelmed today and I'm trying my best to stay in positive mode but it's not easy. I just want to <em>46</em> sometimes. And sometimes I do just that. <BR> <BR> Alot going on: <BR> <BR> ~ My brother who nearly died last year with double Pneumonia last ... Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:29:47 EST Where Do I go? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5027852 I'm struggling with this battle. I thought I was prepared to look the beast in the eyes and work on it. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but it's been even harder than I had anticipated. It's hard to write down everything you eat on a consistent basis. It's hard to look at the end of the day and see "Oh I 've done well today".....only to blow it minutes/ hour later. Writing it down seems so overwhelming. I'm not sure I am emotionally ready for this. But if not now when? <BR> <BR> My anxiety and d... Thu, 23 Aug 2012 12:04:33 EST Trying this Again! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5021934 It's been a long time since I have blogged about my binge eating disorder and really it's because I had chosen not to focus on it. I've just felt overall defeat in this area and wanted to focus elsewhere. While I have made progress in many areas of my life this year..This particular area I've struggled. The beast has been on my heels all year long and I've been letting it win without really fighting. <BR> <BR> I'm starting to regain ground in fighting my depression. I've still a lil bit to ... Sun, 19 Aug 2012 14:49:52 EST LOST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4985091 <em>2</em> Been feeling down in the dumps for a good lil while. Have had good days, but yet still feel like I'm in a bit of a funk. It's all part of the refining process that I mentioned in my last blog. I'm not liking it. I want to be a useful vessle for God and at the moment I feel rather useless. My attitude isn't the best I must admit. I need to renew my mind. I need to reajust my negative thought life. But I'm finding it hard to do. <BR> <BR> Today I met with my counselor and she sai... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 16:12:58 EST Waiting! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4850237 I'm in a season of waiting. I don't like it, but that's okay. The Lord put me here in this season and I will thank Him for my wonderful counselor that helped me put a difficult situation into perspective. I'm very tired today as I have allowed my emotions to rule the roost. No more! Going to take this time and choose to follow in obedience with a <em>41</em> . <BR> <BR> I'm being refined by the furnace. It doesn't feel very good, but in the end I'll be a better person and God will get more... Tue, 24 Apr 2012 16:41:53 EST 4 Years & Still Plugging Along! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4820242 <em>104</em> <em>252</em> <em>244</em> <em>48</em> <BR> <BR> Spark People has been a true <em>144</em> ! I can hardly believe it's been 4 years since I started this journey. My what a journey it's been. I've had my share of victories in weight loss and then my not so great struggle with the binge eating and battle of the bulge! <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> I'm not where I want to be weight wise, but I'm still a pretty happy camper nonetheless! I have had victories in other areas. I have gr... Wed, 4 Apr 2012 12:11:38 EST Update in a Flash! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4772290 <em>213</em> <BR> Hello! <BR> <BR> Here's a taste of what's been happening in my lil world! <BR> <BR> FEB 29TH~ Celebrated 4 years of NO smoking! <em>224</em> <em>270</em> <BR> <BR> March 1st~ Last day of Physical Therapy! I met a lot of my goals and am excited to be feeling better as a whole. One goal not met was being able to stand on one leg for 30 seconds. Hmmm I think I will get through life okay on that one. LOL! <BR> <BR> March 5th~ Sharing my testimony at CR on how God has be... Mon, 5 Mar 2012 16:57:30 EST I've gotta start Somewhere!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4720925 That has been my motto rhe past couple of weeks concerning my Physical Therapy. It began a slow process....doing just a few minutes of strnegth exercises. I really had to rethink my way of thinking...you know the ALL or NONE kind!!! <em>189</em> <em>211</em> I was glad to be getting started somewhere, but yet I felt defeated in some ways because I couldn't do what I once could. This week though things started to change. I noticed that most of last weekend was practically pain free. To my d... Fri, 3 Feb 2012 19:02:59 EST What's Happening & What's Not!! ;} http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4676521 Hello and HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you! I have missed you so so much. <em>223</em> <em>129</em> <em>146</em> <BR> <BR> So it's been what 3 months or better with out computer. Yikes. And I'm LIVING!! <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> What's happening or has happened: <BR> <BR> 1. Gained 10 lbs over the past couple months. OUCH. <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> 2. Had an awesome Thanksgiving and Christmas. Spent time with friends who are special to me and was blessed by Santa Clause sending packages my ... Thu, 12 Jan 2012 16:01:15 EST **UPDATE** http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4501446 <em>213</em> Hello sweet Spark friends! <BR> <BR> I know a couple of you were wondering how I've been doing so I decided to do a little update. <BR> <BR> As many of you know my <em>17</em> took a nose dive. It's been hard not being able to be here daily, but I'm still sparking on as best I can. <BR> <BR> I have been doing pretty well getting in my fruits and veggies this month. Some days better than others, but I'm going for progress...not perfection! Doing well getting in my breakfast... Sat, 24 Sep 2011 10:40:08 EST What I'm Shooting for this September!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4467339 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/6/l860486224.jpg"> <BR> <BR> For months I have been on a road of eating whatever I please, whenever I please, and doing very little exercise. I've let fear of failure, fear of pain from the Fibro, my "I don't Care attitude" get in the way of my goals. I just haven't been very motivated. But this September I am taking steps to regain my healthy lifestyle back. <BR> <BR> First: Getting rid of the word IMPOSSIBLE! <BR> <img src="http://photos-... Mon, 5 Sep 2011 11:48:35 EST Fighting Fibromyalgia http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4445576 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/2/l528538752.jpg"> <BR> <BR> A little over a year ago my body raged war with me! After numerous tests to rule everything under the sun out I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. It has been a battle ever since. But I'm going to fight with all I've got. I have gotten some relief from medication and exercise, yet it continues to slow me down. I am not writing this blog for pity or to feel sorry for myself. I am really just wanting to make people awa... Wed, 24 Aug 2011 10:01:51 EST Fail http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4428223 I have always been a perfectionist. Everything I set out to do I try to do it to my very best. The thing is perfectionism has become my handicap so to speak. It keeps me imprisoned in feeling like a failure when I don't do things "PERFECT" or at least what my standard of perfect is. The thing is NOBODY that has walked this Earth has been perfect other than Christ himself. So why do I hold myself to such high standards? <BR> <BR> The reason I feel like a failure today and many other days is b... Mon, 15 Aug 2011 12:24:56 EST Summer Time Fun: This week Beach Bum!;) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4412098 <em>244</em> Beach week is here & It's time for much needed summer fun! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/9/l692647012.jpg"> <BR> <BR> This Wednesday I will be traveling to Surf Side SC and meeting friends who are already there. My best friend and her family rent a beach house every year and this year I am fortunate to be invited. I CAN NOT WAIT!!! <BR> <BR> I'm looking forward to relaxation, spending time with friends & making lasting memories. <BR> <BR> <img ... Sun, 7 Aug 2011 10:38:19 EST Encouragement for the Hurting http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4366119 As I have blogged before I struggle with depression and anxiety. I also am going through the grieving process of my divorce. Each day I do my best to put one foot forward. Some days are better than others. <BR> <BR> I know many have hurts in our lifes; whether it's physical pain. emotional pain, loss of a loved one, loss of a job....whatever your hurt Christ cares for you and this is one perspective that I have found comfort in. <BR> <BR> <link>www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ </link>... Sat, 16 Jul 2011 10:20:13 EST Speaking, Hoping, Dreaming,Daring http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4313169 I'm speaking out. I am not going to hide in the darkness that sometimes surrounds me. <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/7/l479479544.jpg"> <BR> I've had my head down for awhile now. The battle of Depression is difficult but I will come through it shining. I am hopeful; though many times I don't feel it. <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l20825663.jpg"> <BR> I used to have dreams; they have all but faded away. But today I am daring to dream again, plan... Tue, 21 Jun 2011 12:32:50 EST Accountability Needed! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4202402 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/4/l442575869.jpg"> <BR> <BR> After a really rough April and a conversation with a really good friend <em>223</em> I realized a huge part of where I went wrong with my eating was having no accountability. Taking a personal Spark break was fine and what was necessary given the circumstances of my life, but I didn't take my need for accountability and support into the 3D world. I didn't let anyone in on my disordered eating and thus it gave me... Sun, 1 May 2011 13:34:34 EST Little Things Not to Take For Granted http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4169762 Yep it's me! I'm back to sparking! <em>104</em> <em>104</em> <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> I've had a lot on my plate, and for a little while I had to leave my apartment and live with others. I can not be specific as to why or where, but I will tell you that I discovered a few things that I have taken for granted and will be careful not to do so again. <BR> <BR> So NEVER take for Granted: <BR> <BR> 1. Having Fresh Fruits and Veggies on a daily basis. <em>265</em> <em>488</em> <em>140</em> ... Sat, 16 Apr 2011 11:57:09 EST Giving Myself Permission! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4103042 Note to me: <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/9/l497784427.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Maybe you need the note too! <BR> <BR> Anyhow I have really been struggling emotionally. I have been so anxious about the things happening in my life; things seem out of control. I've been isolating and not being as active in the Spark community as I had been. I've been feeling guilty about it and frustrated with myself. I want to be able to help others and be there, but I'm discovering for the mo... Sat, 19 Mar 2011 13:27:36 EST March Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4079433 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/9/l491421512.jpg"> <BR> <BR> It's been almost a month since I last blogged. I have to be honest: I haven't felt like blogging as I really don't feel I have much to say. I made it my March goal to blog weekly despite how I feel because it helps me connect. So without further ado I will not be as quiet. <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/7/l771636808.jpg"> <BR> <BR> But seriously I'm not sure what to say. My eating has been ... Wed, 9 Mar 2011 15:46:15 EST Taking small Steps Instead of Standing Still http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4019388 In the past few weeks my pain levels have been high which has left me quite discouraged. I try to maintain a good attitude, but have struggled at times....okay a lot of times. <em>40</em> Usually I might have given up; thrown in the towel giving up on my exercise routine and all. But recently despite the pain I started to take small steps instead of staying still and staying stuck. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l154599036.jpg"> <BR> <BR> The Y membership tha... Tue, 15 Feb 2011 10:54:21 EST Sometimes Good Things Come to an End http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4003933 As I write this blog, I am blogging more to let my feelings out than to share anything profound or really share about progress. I am sad. I am disappointed. I found out yesterday that my nutritionist is no longer going to be able to work with me due to a change in her job. I knew that this might be a possibility, but I hadn't really wrapped my mind around it as something that would happen. Anyhow tomorrow will be my last appointment with her. I feel like I am losing an accountability partner ... Wed, 9 Feb 2011 12:14:11 EST Marching On Despite my Feelings http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3968867 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l191200814.jpg"> <BR> <BR> While I have been trying hard to stay positive, I am fining it more difficult as days pass on. But regardless I am pressing onward though I feel like laying down and giving up. I have mentioned before I am going through a divorce, but recently things have just gotten worse. We had remained friends or so I thought, but now things are coming to an ugly head. My heart grieves with sadness and burns with anger. I feel ... Fri, 28 Jan 2011 11:43:29 EST A Bit Late, But Better now than Later: Late Month Goals!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3950228 So thus far January hasn't been the best month for me. Though I haven't said much about it, my Binge Eating Disorder has had me by the neck. My obsession with food, eating,tracking have really just been bringing me down. I don't know if it's because I am having unresolved issues with pain or what. The thing is I know what it takes to lose weight. I am the master at it. I am also the master of gaining it all back. <em>9</em> to <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> I want to be healthy and make this a l... Sat, 22 Jan 2011 13:36:43 EST I Don't Do Resolutions, But I need to Change! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3893343 So it's a New Year and many people have made resolutions. I for one am not big on them and very rarely even make them. Maybe because in my heart, I know I won't keep them, so why bother. Not the best attitude. Another issue I have is telling myself I am just fine the way I am. Now there is nothing wrong with being okay with who I am, but denying the reality that I need to change isn't healthy to say the least. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/7/l476645105.jpg"> <BR... Wed, 5 Jan 2011 15:20:56 EST