HEALTHYNCGAL's SparkPeople Blog HEALTHYNCGAL's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community WHAT A GREAT DAY!! I have had THE BEST DAY in a very long time! <BR> <BR> My friends' daughter was coming over today. She usually spends her days at home by herself but we wanted to have her over at some point while it was still Summer Vacation, to let her and Daughter play together and hang out. Her stepmom (they actually haven't married yet) but she is more of a mom than her "bio" mom has ever been; much like my Daddy was to me. <BR> <BR> I will call her Friend. <BR> <BR> So Friend shows up on the porch t... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 22:33:41 EST Olive branch. So I wrote my SIL a short message. I can see that's she's read it, but she hasn't responded yet. Perhaps she won't at all. Maybe she will but it could be hostile. Maybe she will respond well. Who knows. I just know I'm going to put down this anger, once and for all. Wed, 6 Aug 2014 17:23:27 EST Letting go...tearing down walls. I've had a lot of anger in me for a long time. I've been angry at my parents for various mistakes they made in the past, ones that I felt hindered my progress and had a lasting impact on who I became as an adult. I've been angry at Husband for all kinds of things. I've been angry at former friends who turned out to not be the greatest friends in the world. I've been especially angry at Husband's family for the many years of abuse and ostracization they put me and my family through ("my family... Wed, 6 Aug 2014 13:36:26 EST Confusion. Husband and I talked last night. We actually talked a couple times. Halfway through our conversation, his mother called. He hasn't talked to her since he called her on Mother's Day, so he took her call. They talked for quite a while, and she ended the conversation by asking him if things were ok between them. He said he was disappointed by recent developments within the family, but was glad to find out they had been trying to make things right with his sisters. The conversation was a good one... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 21:52:35 EST Conversation. Husband and I are going to sit down with a bottle of wine and have a talk when he gets home from work today. I'm trying to be optimistic, but at the same time, I'm really hoping it's not just a repeat of the same old, same old. "I'm sorry. I'll try harder." Blah, blah, blah, etc. I want it to be the beginning of a positive step FORWARD, not just something that's said, basically to just dismiss it until it happens again next time. I'm just absolutely at the end of my rope, and I can't take cer... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 15:57:17 EST Precipice. I can't remember a time where I was this miserable. I'm really not happy at all, with any aspect of my life. I feel physically sick, not to mention emotionally unwell. I don't know what to do. At all. I can't afford any kind of therapy or anything like that, so I need to figure out what to do. My husband doesn't even seem to notice...much less care. I don't know where to start. I jut know that I need to make some changes. "THIS" just isn't working for me anymore. Sun, 3 Aug 2014 21:34:27 EST I give up. Last night, I spent about 20 minutes VERBALLY debating on whether or not I wanted to cook the dry beans I had planned for tonight's dinner. I was going to make beans and rice at some point. I spent a long time mulling things over, figuring out how long the beans had to soak, etc. I finally (VERBALLY) decided against it, since I was working today and didn't want to work and then have to come home and cook beans for two hours. <BR> <BR> This morning, I woke up and got out of bed around 9am. I... Sat, 2 Aug 2014 20:30:25 EST Worked today. I'm so tired! I worked really hard today. I cleaned a house from 8:30-10:30 and then I drove up the mountain and cleaned another, GIGANTIC house which took several hours. Good grief. Nobody, I don't care how much money you have, needs a house that huge. I mean...geez. My hands are sore from so much scrubbing and wiping, etc, my back is sore from all that sweeping and bending, my feet hurt from being on them all day. Sheesh. I feel like an old lady, LOL. <BR> <BR> <em>46</em> <BR> <BR> I ... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 16:36:54 EST Yesterday. Monday was such a hard day that I was both mentally and physically exhausted. I went to bed with swollen eyes and a headache. When I woke up yesterday morning, my eyes were still puffy and I was worn out. I wanted to stay in bed, but I had promised Daughter we'd do a few things. <BR> <BR> Yesterday morning right after I woke up, I found out I have several cleaning jobs in August. I also go back to school, too, so money will be considerably better next month. I'll be bringing in a bit more th... Wed, 30 Jul 2014 10:54:04 EST Getting there. Working on a plan. I've spent a good portion of today in front of my computer and on the phone. I started by reading a couple of articles about getting caught up on bills when you're behind. Then I sat down and wrote out all of the debts I have, and all of the other bills I have. I looked up every single one of them online, or called, to find out the balance, interest rate, etc. I made a little chart which includes the bill, its balance, the due date, the regular amount due, any past due amounts, and total amou... Mon, 28 Jul 2014 15:29:21 EST Pretty much... <img src=""> Mon, 28 Jul 2014 14:45:54 EST Possible plan. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do or how to start, but I'm going to sit down with a cold drink (read as, "BEER") and try to make sense of this situation. I guess I'm going to get all my bills down on paper (again) and figure out exactly how far behind I am on everything (again). Then maybe I can work on a plan of getting caught up. I also want to go through my stuff and begin putting together an online yard sale. I haven't even started and my head is already hurting. <BR> <BR> I rea... Mon, 28 Jul 2014 12:24:42 EST Regrets and suffocation. I feel like the situation with the bills is only getting worse. I so badly wish I could just get everything caught up. We make enough money to pay our bills, it's just that everything is behind. We make enough to pay them, but not enough to get caught up on everything. So every month goes by, and nothing is getting paid at the right time, things are just coming in on what seems like a daily basis, and it's impossible to pay a late bill and then pay that bill again a few days later to get it c... Mon, 28 Jul 2014 10:49:49 EST Oblivion. My husband is the most irritatingly oblivious human being on the face of the Earth. This morning alone have left two perfect examples. <BR> <BR> 1. I try to be considerate of my family members. This morning, I set out boxes of cereal, milk, bowls, etc on the island. I do this sort of thing at every meal...set out everything that is needed. So this morning I set out the plastic bowls because we were going to need the regular bowls for the soup that was already on the stove. Of course he goes... Sat, 26 Jul 2014 13:00:30 EST Humiliation. I went to my chiropractor appointment this morning. She basically told me my posture is horrible. I know this. Part of it is just pure habit/laziness. Part of it is that I spend 90% of my life bent over talking to small children, or cleaning, etc. She wasn't mean about it at all, but it just added to how awful I've been feeling lately. I was lying there, getting my adjustment, thinking about things, thinking about what she had said about my posture. It just made me feel even worse about mysel... Fri, 25 Jul 2014 13:02:07 EST Relaxing. This has been the longest, crappiest week I've had for a LONG time. The class I subbed in was absolutely god-awful. The kids were much better today, and I actually found myself liking a few of them just a little bit. At first I wasn't even completely sure if I would be able to go today because my back was hurting really bad the last two days, but I forced myself to go...and I'm glad I did. It felt better this morning, and didn't bother me during the day as much as it has been. I'm so glad I h... Thu, 24 Jul 2014 21:06:13 EST Quicksand. I don't have much food in my house and won't be able to go to the grocery store until Husband gets paid on Monday. "Fortunately," he is on a business trip and the owner of the company is paying for all food, gas, and the motel room, so I am glad we have one less mouth to feed. However, he will be back on Friday and I still have this problem. <BR> <BR> I have some leftover spaghetti. I have lots of "little" things like a little lentils, a little cous cous, a little of this a little of that. ... Wed, 23 Jul 2014 15:33:09 EST Acceptance. I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. I'm done battling certain things. I'm tired of the same struggles and frustrations, year after year after year. I'm at the point now where I'm trying my best to just accept things as they are. I'm tired, literally TIRED of trying to change certain things about my life. I just can't fight it anymore, so I have decided to go in a new direction: acceptance. <BR> <BR> I accept the fact that Husband is the hardest working guy on the planet while he's at work, paying ... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 13:38:14 EST Mom frustrations. My parents are going to be here tomorrow for dinner. My mother has not set foot in my house in six years, and hasn't spent the night in my home in about 10 years. (They are not staying with us, though). My back has been hurting so I haven't worked the past couple days. I need to work on cleaning my house. My mom hasn't been to my house for a couple of "reasons." She says the drive is too far for her back. We have cats, and she's allergic to them. Also, although she's never said this, part of ... Thu, 10 Jul 2014 08:50:26 EST Deflation. I've been in an off-again-on-again rut for what feels like forever. I've read countless articles and viewed dozens upon dozens of videos about "living the life you REALLY want to live," yet I stay in this perpetual state of flux. Hell, it's not even really flux. I'm just always feeling STUCK. I don't "hate" my life per se...I just don't feel like I really live life. I don't live. I exist. I get up every day, do essentially the same things...never really feel fully satisfied with who I am or w... Wed, 9 Jul 2014 12:19:27 EST Best friends. Daughter has had her best friend over since this morning. We picked her up at 8am, ran a couple quick errands, and then came home. We had breakfast, and the girls have just played and visited and goofed off all day. I made lunch...and dinner...homemade pizza. We all sat around the table together and laughed. Friend is spending the night tonight. They are such good girls. I'm so glad Daughter and Friend have each other. They are so sweet. I hope they are always as good to one another as they h... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 21:41:34 EST Bargains. Accumulation. Letting go. Making choices. I don't usually spend money on "extras," but I did today. Spending money on myself is typically accompanied with guilt, but today it was different. It felt like such a treat. My absolute FAVORITE cookbook company, Gooseberry Patch, is having a "Christmas in July Sale," with many of their cookbooks 80% off. Their regular cookbooks are $17 each, but today they were only $4-5. I mean, woo hoo! I bought six cookbooks. I added up my totals before and after the sale. I would've spent $100, but beca... Fri, 4 Jul 2014 20:38:44 EST Lunch with a friend. I went out to lunch today with a friend and we had a nice time. It was a short visit, as she was on her lunch break and I was off today, but it was a good one nonetheless. It's been a very long time since I've had a female friend who actually requested to spend time with me, and one that I wanted to visit with as well. I would love to have a close girlfriend. A real, honest-to-goodness, genuine FRIEND. I have missed it so. <BR> <BR> I spent a good portion of the day working on plans for our ... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 23:09:24 EST A long day. Meanness. Today was a long day. I cleaned two houses, and Daughter came with me so I had some help. We had a pretty good day, but we worked so hard. My goodness that is hard work. When we finally got home, Husband was here, so I just heated up some leftovers for dinner. We had all kinds of good things to eat, and I was just too tired to cook. Of course I still have to clean up the kitchen tomorrow. Nobody bothered to do that. Whatever. I've been stressed all afternoon. Some girl that Daughter knows sta... Mon, 30 Jun 2014 22:55:43 EST Sunday. Today was a pretty nice day. After my interview, I came home and changed into some comfy clothes. I just kind of relaxed with the family. At 1:30, I put dinner in the Crock-Pot. Then we all got ready and went to my niece's music recital. There were kids playing the violin, or the piano, or singing, or doing a combination. My niece sang while she played the piano, and she did a great job! I was so proud of her, and it was so nice to be there for her special day. With all the past family bull$h... Sun, 29 Jun 2014 20:33:26 EST Interview. I had an interview this morning for a hotel job I applied for last week. It's for a Breakfast Hostess job that would only be on Saturdays and Sundays. This job would work for me during the summer and it would also transition well when the school year starts again. I've had kind of a hard time finding a second (or third?) job because the hours have to work for me. I can't really accept a Monday-Friday job, or any job that involves regularly scheduled weekdays, because I know in 8 weeks I'll ha... Sun, 29 Jun 2014 12:53:39 EST Dear body... Internet problems prevented me from getting online last night. We just decided to turn it all off and let it rest, to see if the problem would fix itself. It appeared to, anyway. I have been procrastinating cleaning my bathroom for a LONG time, but last night I felt a twinge of motivation so I decided to take advantage of it. We have very metallic water and we get this orange build-up inside our bathtubs, showers, toilets, etc. It's very annoying and extremely difficult to get rid of...especi... Fri, 27 Jun 2014 23:01:08 EST Bored. I didn't really do anything today. Just for fun, I drew some simple plans for our "dream house." I watched TV. Made dinner. Watched a movie with the family. Puttered around online. I've just been so BORED lately. I'm usually so busy at school and I am not working much this summer. When I get really stressed like I have been, I start feeling worn out. Being bored makes me feel worn out, too. Not to mention I'm trying to break a medicine dependency/addiction. I've gone three nights in a row wit... Wed, 25 Jun 2014 22:22:17 EST Too early to debate. I woke up around 8am, got my coffee brewing, and decided to curl up in bed with my laptop. I had this dream where I looked up this girl I used to work with on Facebook, so I wanted to actually look her up. Just before Christmas, she'd met this guy online, actually saw him in person twice, and then decided to marry him, move to Alaska, and get herself pregnant. She'd only "known him" for a few short weeks. (She is one of those women who just can't live without a man.) So anyway, I wanted to ju... Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:11:05 EST Taco Tuesday. I subbed today. Today was alright, I suppose. This group of kids was pretty annoying, to be honest. There were only five kids in the classroom, but they were just really hyper and didn't seem to have much discipline or structure. They kind of just got to do whatever they wanted. Whenever I tried to do something, the teacher had some comment about why they didn't do it that way, or what I needed to do instead. She wasn't really rude about it. She didn't say it in a nasty tone of voice. But it ... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 20:23:05 EST Today was ok. Today was ok. Not the greatest day, but not the worst. I found out I have some more work coming, ran a few errands, came home and put groceries away, had lunch, watched an episode of "What Not to Wear" while I ate lunch, did the dishes, did a little laundry, looked through a couple books, took a cat-nap, made dinner, watched "Look Who's Talking" with my family while we ate dinner, showered, looked at a Timberframe book with Husband, and I've just been watching a little TV this evening and rel... Mon, 23 Jun 2014 21:45:35 EST Work on the horizon. Today I got a couple more cleaning jobs lined up for the month of July. Additionally, a client I cleaned for a couple of weeks ago was really nasty to me over the weekend about the rate I charged (even though it's a rate set by the club, not by me, and he'd already agreed to that rate before I did the job), but he said my check was mailed out today, so that's good. I need that money so badly. By the time it gets here it will have been over two weeks since I did that stupid cleaning. I'm also ... Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:42:49 EST Death. I just found out a co-worker of mine passed away today. I knew who she was, but we didn't "know each other." It still just comes as such a shock. She was the one I subbed for on Thursday. She was going in to have surgery on some lumps they found in her chest. Then that morning, she was walking down the hall at the hospital and fell to the floor. She'd had a brain aneurysm. She'd had a couple of surgeries since then to try and reduce swelling in her brain...but she didn't make it. I'm just stu... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 23:08:25 EST A lazy Sunday. Today has been a nice day. I fixed the girls pancakes for breakfast. They asked me to make them and I was happy to do it. While I was cooking the pancakes, Daughter's friend thanked me for letting her spend the night. Then she leaned on me, gave me a little shoulder hug, and said, "You're like my second mother." So sweet. This kid's mother isn't involved in her life. She didn't even call her on her birthday, which was a couple of weeks ago. She has her dad, and her wonderful stepmom (soon to ... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 22:43:44 EST heart-to-heart...weight loss. Last night we had our company over. We had a GREAT time! Their daughter spent the night, so the girls have had a lot of fun as well. We had a cookout and enjoyed some great food. After dinner, we all went down to the bottom of our property and had a bonfire at our firepit. The girls caught fireflies and put them in mason jars. My girlfriend and I drank a whole bunch of wine and visited. It was so nice...a perfect way to celebrate the first day of Summer. Later on, I talked to Husband about wh... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 09:27:51 EST I spoke too soon. Now I find out that he's spent money we don't really have on TWO of those stupid electronic cigarettes. That got me curious about what else he is blowing money on. I looked at the bank accounts and instead of eating at home, he's been buying all kinds of fast food. OMG. He is 38 and even my 13 year old daughter doesn't do crap like this. <BR> <BR> I asked him about WHY he bought those dumb things. He isn't a smoker. Why in the hell does he feel that he needs those things. He just ignored me... Sat, 21 Jun 2014 16:47:18 EST Wow...just when I start complaining... Husband just got home. I'd asked him to stop by Wal-Mart on his way home and get two boxes of pet odor carpet powder with baking soda in it. I also had him buy another three-scented candle that I like, and some Febreeze. I had the windows open all morning, and the house aired out nicely. I vacuumed all the upholstered furniture and sprayed Febreeze on all the fabrics (furniture, curtains, etc). I've sprinkled the carpet powder, but have to wait a while longer before I can vacuum it up. It's a... Sat, 21 Jun 2014 13:57:52 EST GRRRR...Husband...GRRRR I'm so annoyed with Husband. I've written before that when he is at home, he is about the laziest human being on Earth. Well, today is no exception. <BR> <BR> Before bed last night, I asked him to take the dogs out to use the bathroom before he left for work this morning. He said he would. (He has this really obnoxious habit of not doing it, and blames it on not having "time" or just lets me do it and acts like he is doing the dogs some kind of favor, because by letting me do it, they will b... Sat, 21 Jun 2014 08:52:56 EST Work, pool, and pizza. I worked this morning, cleaning a house. It's for this lovely, lovely family that I have cleaned for in the past. I had to stop because I'd graduated college and was offered the job where I currently work. I offered to clean for them again this summer, because I am DESPERATE for work, and they (very enthusiastically!) said yes. They said they've really missed me (aka, my cleaning, lol) and I was so happy to work there again. They're about 5ish years older than me. They have a little girl who ... Fri, 20 Jun 2014 23:09:02 EST Unexpected Date Night. Had a pretty good day today. I worked from 9-2:30. I did cut the $#!t out of my finger today, when I was trying to cut open my avocado for lunch. It cut me so deep that it scared me. But I'm ok. I'll just have a sore finger for a few days...and probably a scar. I also have two other tiny cuts on a couple other fingers, but I have no clue how they got there. <BR> <BR> Anyway. <BR> <BR> Out of the blue this afternoon, my SIL said she was having a sleepover tonight with her girls and the nie... Thu, 19 Jun 2014 21:27:02 EST Anxiety. Phase One, Part Two -- Day 3 Today was a pretty good day. I've been feeling really anxious and worried about work, though...or lack thereof I suppose would be a more accurate way of putting it. I'm also starting to detox, since I'm at the end of my second day of Phase One. I've been headachey and kind of blah, my stomach feels a little queasy, etc. Anyway. I need to try to not stress about work. I have to stay positive. I can't give up and stress too much. I have to stay positive, and keep doing everything I can to get w... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 21:07:07 EST Being in control with fast food. I just had a fast food lunch, and I am PROUD. I never, in a million years, thought I'd be able to say that. <BR> <BR> I had made plans to get together for lunch with a friend of mine. We'd decided on Wendy's because of their Dollar Menu...come to find out their "dollar" items had either gone up in price, or down in size. At any rate, she wasn't able to get together for lunch after all, so I decided when I went out to pay a bill, I'd just pick up some lunch at Wendy's for Daughter and myself... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 13:09:28 EST Lost almost 3 pounds! I've lost almost 3 more pounds (2.8)!! I am only 0.6 pounds away from being at the weight I was a month or so ago. I am sure I will not only be back to that weight soon, I will PASS it soon! <BR> <BR> I just realized that this puts me back at a 25 pound weight loss! YAAAAY! (25.2 to be exact! Yahoooo!) <BR> <BR> <em>521</em> Wed, 18 Jun 2014 10:31:17 EST Another pretty good day. Phase One, Part Two -- Day 2 I subbed at school today. I was in a two-year old classroom. That was fun. They're so much smaller than my Pre-K kids! Plus there were only six kids -- I had 15 in my room at the beginning of the year. Anyway, I worked with a nice person and we had a good day. My hours were a little different today than they usually are, but it wasn't really bad. The day seemed to drag on a bit, but it was bearable. After work I grabbed a couple things from the grocery store, came home, and made dinner. I mad... Tue, 17 Jun 2014 21:52:53 EST Plans vs. Reality <img src=""> Tue, 17 Jun 2014 07:39:04 EST 40 Healthy Snack Ideas Saw this this morning and thought I'd share. Here's to happy, healthy snacking! <BR> <BR> <em>265</em> <em>289</em> <em>277</em> <em>550</em> <em>491</em> <em>258</em> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>k-clean-eating-40-non-processed-snacks<BR>-for-busy-moms.html?c=jer </link> Tue, 17 Jun 2014 07:36:17 EST Had a pretty good day :) Phase One, Part Two -- Day 1 Today was a good day all around. After the way I've been feeling the past few days, it was quite an accomplishment for me to get out of bed today. Not only did I get out of bed, I got dressed, did my hair, brushed my teeth, and made my bed. This is HUGE for me on days when I don't "have to get up" and face the world. But I did...and I'm so glad I was able to pull myself up and be productive. <BR> <BR> I got quite a few things done around the house today as well. I did two loads of laundry (a... Mon, 16 Jun 2014 21:34:53 EST Relief. Today is a good Monday, and it's not even 11am. <BR> <BR> I've been so worried about having no cleaning jobs. It's really messed me up, physically and emotionally. This morning, I got a call from school, and I was offered a substitute teaching position one day this week. It's just one day, and hopefully I will get more, but I am SO GLAD I called last week and asked to be put on the sub list! Holy cow! What if I hadn't done that?! I wouldn't have gotten this call. It's only Monday, and I've ... Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:56:29 EST Lost 1.2 I weighed myself the day after we got home from vacation, and I was just over 200. I was 200.4 in fact. I weighed myself just a few minutes ago and I've lost 1.2, bringing me to 199.2. I'll take it! I haven't done a lick of exercise and haven't had the best diet, either (nothing atrocious, but nothing pristine). I am glad to be back under 200. I want to make a vow, here and now, to NEVER see 200 pounds on a scale...EVER AGAIN. <BR> <BR> This was just the little boost of motivation I needed.... Sat, 14 Jun 2014 10:10:55 EST What the...?! So I've been making calls and sending emails ALL DAY. I've also been looking over other job opportunities for next year. I'm not "planning" to leave my current job, just wanting to see if there is a better opportunity out there. I've been looking at different websites for different schools in the area. I breezed past a bus driver position. <BR> <BR> THAT POSITION STARTS AT MORE MONEY THAN I'M MAKING RIGHT NOW! <BR> <BR> I'm an educated person. I have worked hard. I have an AAS Degree, and... Fri, 13 Jun 2014 15:16:49 EST