HEALTHY156's SparkPeople Blog HEALTHY156's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community The Good, The room to improve and the general update The Good: <BR> I have gotten plenty of sleep and kept up with my daughter this month. <BR> I have not had any incidents of psychosis which is huge! <BR> <BR> The Room to Improve: <BR> I only made it to the gym a few times. <BR> I ate just "okay". <BR> I am seriously fighting depression and have been for almost a month. <BR> <BR> I have serious vacation"itis" and am looking forward to a few days to myself this week and a trip to Chicago to see athenalisa, my favorite human. I will also ge... Tue, 21 May 2013 15:47:03 EST Gee, Towanda, You've been quiet this month... Well, I've had quite a few challenges this month, here is the main one: <BR> <BR> I started taking a new hormone called Symlin. <BR> The good news, it cuts the amount of insulin I need in half. <BR> The bad news, it metabolizes all of my psych meds very quickly and I have hallucinations. <BR> <BR> I've been working with my endochrinologist and my psychiatrist to find a solution but so far there doesn't seem to be a happy medium. Chances are I'll have to stop taking the Symlin because the... Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:17:24 EST Improving Hello friends, my mental health is improving slowly but surely. I follow up with the doctor on Monday. I did not make it to the gym this week between my brain and my tooth but the tooth is out, the brain is improving and I have 3 dates scheduled with the gym next week. <BR> <BR> Today I am going to try and get some playground time in with my P. It's fun to swing and climb and chase her and it burns more calories than reading books. <em>203</em> <BR> <BR> I hope you all have a great ... Sat, 30 Mar 2013 10:19:11 EST ugh Hello friends, here is yesterday's promised blog post. I was going to write it while P was at gymnastics but we drove an hour to get there and found them closed for spring break, so no downtime for me. Anyway, I have been a piss poor teammate the last week and for that I am sorry. <BR> <BR> I have had serious mental health struggles which landed me back in the hospital for IV and IM meds, I also have a cracked molar which I can't get removed until Thursday. So I have done some exercise an... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 14:21:37 EST Midway through March Check in Sugar Free ---still rocking it! <BR> <BR> Jog/Walk 30 miles---halfway there <BR> <BR> Workout 4 days a week (Mon, Wed, Thurs, Fri) ---On track, even snuck in a Tuesday <BR> <BR> Eat at the table with no distractions (no tv, no book, no phone, no journal) Great at home, still a struggle during lunches at work. <BR> <BR> Journal daily ---Doing great <BR> <BR> Read Tarot/Meditate most days---doing great <BR> <BR> Save money in emergency fund. <BR> <BR> <BR> Woohoo! I'm well on my way to... Thu, 14 Mar 2013 17:05:26 EST Struggling This year has been a year of major change for me and getting seriously focused on my life goals. I have been super motivated and positive and encouraged. My mental health has been better than I've felt since November. I have really accomplished a lot and I want to review that below. Today however I am really struggling. I have not lost any weight at all and have not lost any noticeable inches. I am sick of counting the days between paychecks and wishing I could speed them up. I am tire... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 15:23:17 EST Blogging Challenge Day 4 My progress on eating without distraction. When I'm at home or at work I am doing very well so far. Last night I ate at gymnastics and Persephone ate in the car on the way there. There really wasn't much way around that. Tonight will be easy, we always have Tuesday dinner as a family so I'm looking forward to that. Tomorrow I'll have to eat quickly but I'll make sure I sit at the table and take a few minutes to relax and talk to Staci before I leave for my support group meeting. <BR> <... Tue, 5 Mar 2013 10:34:49 EST Bloggin Challenge Day 3 Motivation for mindful eating. <BR> <BR> Be more thankful for my meals. <BR> Pay more attention to my bodies cues so I know when I am sated, instead of just eating everything on my plate/in the pan etc. <BR> Spend more quality time with my family and stay focused on people I love. <BR> <BR> Today has been an awesome eating day. I got six servings of freggies! Mon, 4 Mar 2013 21:07:45 EST Blogging Challenge Day 2 Strategies for distraction free eating: <BR> <BR> At Home: <BR> Sit at the kitchen table. Keep it clean! <BR> Leave my phone in another room. <BR> <BR> At Work: <BR> Eat lunch before or after my daily noon chat with Staci. <BR> Eat in the conference room. <BR> <BR> Log food before or after meals not during. <BR> Give thanks for food before eating. Sun, 3 Mar 2013 21:53:38 EST Daily Blog Challenge about Changing Habits I have been challenged to answer specific questions in my blog every day this week. The first question is what is a habit that I want to change. <BR> <BR> I am working on changing eating while distracted. I am really bad about eating while reading, writing, watching netflix or playing on my phone. I think I will pay more attention to my bodies physical cues of satiety when I focus solely on eating and conversation with family and not allow distractions at the table. Sat, 2 Mar 2013 15:36:17 EST March Goals My Goals for March to help me continue being the healthiest Towanda I can be at any weight are documented here to help me stay accountable! <BR> <BR> Sugar Free <BR> Jog/Walk 30 miles <BR> Workout 4 days a week (Mon, Wed, Thurs, Fri) <BR> Eat at the table with no distractions (no tv, no book, no phone, no journal) <BR> Journal daily <BR> Read Tarot/Meditate most days <BR> Save money in emergency fund. Fri, 1 Mar 2013 15:25:14 EST Checking In I have maintained a sugar free lifestyle of over two weeks! I am so proud of myself. It is still incredibly hard though and I'm anxiously awaiting the time that my brain says "You've got this, it's easy." On Friday I start adding fruit back in to my diet and plan on making a fruit salad this weekend with Persephone. <BR> <BR> I have kept up my plans of working out four times a week. <BR> I have been eating within my calorie range and tracking everything every day this month. This is kin... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 15:17:10 EST Update and Exercise Game I was challenged to create an exercise game for the Sunny Gals Spring Challenge. Here it is for anyone who is interested. <BR> <BR> Every Time a Lesbian artist comes on: Walk around the inside of the building. <BR> Every Time a song contains spoken word vs singing walk around the outside of the building. <BR> Every Time a classical song comes on: 10 Jumping Jacks <BR> Every Time I click the "thumbs down" button: 10 Wall Push Ups <BR> Anytime Landslide or Hallelujah comes on by any artist: 1... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 11:29:08 EST Everything you want to know about Towanda but were afraid to ask. This is my intro for the springing sunny gals challenge. <BR> <BR> My name is Towanda, though my given name is Emily. <BR> I am 36 years old. <BR> I am type 1 Diabetic. <BR> I have a mental illness. <BR> I have an amazing six year old daughter named Persephone. <BR> I have a very supportive partner of one year named Staci. <BR> I have an insulin pump which makes it very difficult to lose weight. <BR> While I would like to see the scale drop during this challenge I am ore focused on bein... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 12:16:35 EST I feel like the universe is testing me today. Today I feel like I am being tested. I feel so weak but I really need to be strong. Today is our annual Valentine's party at work. Candy, cookies, cupcakes and chips are everywhere. Even some of my favorite treats have been taunting me. <em>255</em> <BR> <BR> Also the scale didn't move at all this week. There is always that inner voice that says <em>18</em> "if you're doing things right and still not losing weight, why keep trying." <BR> <BR> Then I had an argument with my girl... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 14:25:09 EST measurements Uncategorized Glucose - 86 <BR> A1C - 7.1 <BR> Weigh yourself - 225 <BR> Measure your Waist - 44 <BR> Measure your Hips - 49 <BR> Measure your Thigh - 24 <BR> Measure your Upper Arm - 15 <BR> Measure your Neck - 14 <BR> Measure your Waist to Hip Ratio - .89 <BR> Energy Level - 3 <BR> Stress Level - 5 <BR> chest - 50 Sun, 10 Feb 2013 10:58:28 EST What has derailed me in the past and what am I going to do to avoid it this time? I was challenged to post three or four things that keep bringing me back to starting over and some strategies for avoiding them this time. <BR> <BR> Fast Food <BR> Best strategy is drinking Glucerna for breakfast and packing my lunches. <BR> Always have sandwich stuff and fruit on hand for times we are on the go, like Wednesdays. <BR> <BR> Sugar <BR> I am seriously considering trying a sugar free lifestyle again when this challenge starts. I have absolutely no moderation when it comes to ... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 10:44:57 EST checking in I slept 6 hours last night which was an improvement. I walked two miles yesterday with my walking video which felt great. Today I am going to insist on an afternoon workout and take my time and do as much as my body can handle before I leave. I am still waiting impatiently for my fitbit to arrive in the mail. I want it NOW. :D <BR> <BR> I packed leftovers for my lunch. My sweetie may surprise me and come have lunch with me but I'm prepared in case she doesn't. <BR> <BR> I am lookin... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 11:32:41 EST Triggers What are my Triggers? <BR> <BR> What foods? mac n cheese, chips and cheetos, chocolate, pastries <BR> <BR> What Situations? Family get togethers (luckily these only happen a few times a year) <BR> <BR> Free food is a HUGE trigger for me. It happened today. I am so broke that when someone offers free food it is hard to pass up, even if it's not the healthy choice I would normally make. There is also the voice in my head that says "today there is a free donut and you really don't want it,... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 14:46:47 EST 5% Winter Challenge I have joined a challenge to lose 5% of my body weight, 11 pounds by the end of winter. Part of our assignment for the challenge is to blog about my plans as well as my motivation. <BR> <BR> Plan: <BR> Monday AM Workout <BR> Tuesday Family Day <BR> Wednesday AM or PM Workout <BR> Thursday AM or PM Workout <BR> Friday AM and PM Workout <BR> <BR> Eat 5 servings of freggies <BR> Sleep <BR> Meditate <BR> Lots of water <BR> Minimal Sugars <BR> <BR> Motivators <BR> Size 16 jeans <BR> Being a ro... Tue, 5 Feb 2013 14:31:07 EST Fitspiration First off let me just say that I had a kick butt morning. I packed my breakfast and my lunch, I had my gym bag ready to go, I put dinner (salsa chicken) in the crockpot and made it out the door by seven! Yay! I had an awesome workout, jogging, abs and upper body and I was feeling great. Then as i came out of the shower two ladies approached me and told me that I was very strong and I inspired them to work harder at the gym! How awesome and motivating is that? I'm a little floaty and gi... Wed, 30 Jan 2013 15:52:27 EST Resolutions check in Exercise 4 days a week for at least 30 minutes. (Monday AM, Wednesday PM, Thursday PM and Friday PM) <BR> <BR> <em>248</em> I am consistently walking/jogging and moving my body! I have logged 23 miles so far! <BR> <BR> <BR> Eat five freggies a day. <BR> <BR> I'd say I've had more days on meeting than not meeting this goal but I still have room for improvement. <BR> <BR> Drink my water. <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> Blog regularly. I can do more! <BR> <BR> Work on my self care skills... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 14:03:56 EST Weekend My weeked was very productive and I got a lot of things moved out of my old apartment into my new home with Staci. I also had a very snuggly kiddo so I got lots of good cuddle time. I did not do great on my fitness goals but I did well with my food choices. I am making some med changes to deal with my anxiety. I wish there was a medicine that would counteract all the insulin but so far it doesn't exist. <BR> <BR> I'm going to have to sneak in a work out either on my lunch break or at the... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 12:03:03 EST some kind of help is the kind of help, we all can do without Just a quick vent. Staci and I had plans to eat fish and quinoa and veggies for dinner. Tasty but kind of lengthy to prepare. Then we got an offer to help us move some furniture and boxes at six o'clock and we can't refuse the help. So Staci suggests pizza for dinner and asks me what kind I'd like. I say sausage and figure heck, pizza is not what I want but we need to eat quickly. So she picks up a large pizza and an order of cheese bread. <BR> <BR> I had only had three of my five se... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 11:44:59 EST 2013 Well, here it is, a new year, a new start! <BR> I am trying to change my attitude a little bit with my resolutions. I want to lose the 40 pounds I gained with my insulin pump and don't want to give up on that goal, but I also want to focus on being the healthiest Towanda I can be at any weight. In doing that I am bound to be successful even if my weight doesn't change. To that end here are my primary goals: <BR> <BR> Exercise 4 days a week for at least 30 minutes. (Monday AM, Wednesday PM... Thu, 3 Jan 2013 14:18:08 EST frustration I feel so frustrated with my lack of progress. I seem to just keep staying where I am weight wise. I have so many cute clothes in my closet and only two pairs of pants that fit. I need something to change so I can start moving in the right direction. I probably need to spend more time in the gym and really focus on increasing my veggies and fruits. Just needed to vent for a minute. ARGH Wed, 26 Dec 2012 11:31:01 EST Update Well, my disordered thinking earned me a 72 hour visit to the behavioral health center. I am still a mess but I'm back at work which is good, because losing my job due to extended absence would be the most detrimental thing for my mental health. <BR> <BR> My partner is being amazing but I know it is taking a toll on her. <BR> My daughter is healing my heart a little bit each time I see her. <BR> My eating has been ok, I feel like my appetite has decreased a bit which I am thankful for. ... Tue, 20 Nov 2012 14:10:33 EST disordered thinking and disordered eating My mental health has been a significant challenge and my eating is challenged with it. I have been in a place of low self worth and high self injury. I am scalding and cutting and eating highly sugary foods, which for a diabetic, is a form of self injury. I've been so low that even my love for my partner and child are not doing much for my will to live and be healthy. I am trying hard to workout three times a week and it feels good to do it, but I don't feel very deserving of living a healthy... Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:13:24 EST Still stepping I'm totally still baby stepping in the right direction. <BR> I did another 1.5 miles today and didn't hurt for the first mile! <BR> I beat down several excuses and actually did it. <BR> I slept great. <BR> My cold has moved to my chest which means the end is in sight. <BR> I had a great night with my motivating family last night. <BR> <BR> I ate too much sugar. <BR> <BR> Hey, only one negative and a lot of positives. That alone is progress! <BR> Thanks for reading this blog, knowing that I... Thu, 8 Nov 2012 11:20:39 EST week two on the wagon I did 1.5 miles instead of 1! <BR> I got lots of rest this weekend. <BR> I spent lots of time with family this weekend. <BR> I feel good about my job and am thankful for it. <BR> I am watching Dexter tonight with my lady. <BR> <BR> My eating still sucks. <BR> I'm super frustrated with my body. <BR> I am fighting a crudtastic cold. <BR> <BR> <BR> Tue, 6 Nov 2012 15:05:24 EST 4 Days, 4 Miles I'm plugging away and chugging away. <BR> I did my mile before work for the fourth day in a row! <BR> I have an appointment tomorrow but plan to do a mile after work instead. <BR> I did ok with food but did have some chocolate. <BR> I did lots of housebitching. <BR> I continued my love affair with Dexter. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling pretty good overall. Thu, 1 Nov 2012 11:28:55 EST Day Three on the fitness wagon Woohoo, 3 days in a row at the gym. <BR> Each day's workout is a little more successful than the previous day. <BR> I ate fewer calories yesterday than Monday. <BR> I went to a party and avoided all temptation. <BR> I talked about my suicidal thoughts instead of keeping them all in my head. <BR> Today is the halloween party at work and I'm not tempted by party foods yet, hopefully after lunch I'll be full and still not tempted. <em>306</em> Wed, 31 Oct 2012 10:43:57 EST streaking I made it two days in a row of walking/slogging before work! I'll take that. <BR> I ate like crap yesterday but at least I paid attention to portions and ate smaller portions of crap. <em>211</em> <BR> I had good family time with both my daughter and my sweetie. <BR> I'm doing a little bit better with depression. <BR> I'm glad to be sparking and streaking. Tue, 30 Oct 2012 10:50:57 EST 5K, Insulin and Depression The Good News: <BR> I signed up for a 5k! <BR> I worked out today before work! <BR> My A1C was 7.1! <BR> I'm totally off my old medication full of it's bad side effects! <BR> <BR> The Bad News <BR> My new insulin pump has packed on 30 pounds while getting my blood sugar under control. <BR> I'm seriously challenged by depression. <BR> I'm struggling with motivation to exercise but hoping the 5k will help! <BR> I'm struggling with sugar but making progress. Mon, 29 Oct 2012 12:57:04 EST How Losing Weight was bad for my self-esteem... When I first joined Spark People in 2008 I was 220 pounds. I was the sexiest, most confident 220 pound woman around. I was rocking the cutest size 20 clothes I could find, I was wearing a two piece bathing suit and not giving a darn if it made anyone uncomfortable. I was walking, dancing, swimming and being as active as I could be at the time. <BR> <BR> Then over the last 5 years I lost almost 80 pounds, I got into a size 10/12 and was rocking that and being proud and confident and sexy ... Mon, 16 Jul 2012 10:52:36 EST Towanda is Ready to Rock It! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is my starting picture, as well as one of my motivators, my sweet lover, Staci. I'm joining the Sunny Gal's for their Rock It! Challenge which starts Sunday. I'm super excited to focus on my current goals and support my fellow sisters as we continue our metamorphosis into the beautiful Sunny Butterflies we are becoming. <BR> <BR> Goals: <BR> Consistency of eating fruits and veggies. <BR> Consistency of ex... Fri, 29 Jun 2012 10:19:53 EST update Well, the med changes and a bunch of sleep are my friends. Much improvement with the blood sugars and still working on the water retention, but much better there too. <BR> <BR> THank you all for the support yesterday. Just knowing that people were aware of what was going on and sending positive energy to support helps a lot. <BR> <BR> I'm thinking my day will involve super lazy things like <BR> _sorting laudnry <BR> _a teleconference <BR> _writing/daydreaming <BR> <BR> And a long wa... Sun, 9 Oct 2011 11:12:13 EST Ranting, Raving and Rambling Ok, this blog is primarily to help me think my way through what is happening to my body right now. <BR> <BR> A)Since Sunday I have had no concentrated sweets or wheat and very minimal processed foods. <BR> B) I have eaten lots of raw veggies and 2-3 servings of fresh fruit a day <BR> C) 9 days ago I decreased my Seroquel from 400mg to 300mg daily. This SHOULD have lowered my blood sugar quite a bit. <BR> D) My fasting sugars are between 340-400 all week. <BR> E) The last three days I have... Fri, 7 Oct 2011 10:43:54 EST Sugar Blues Moderation, the universally accepted way of life, and not a bad one really. <BR> <BR> I personally can moderate Alcohol, Activity, Food in General, Drugs, Medication, Caffeine. <BR> I can NOT however, moderate Chocolate. <BR> <BR> I hate cutting it out of my diet but it really just has to happen. I've done it several times which is yet another example of my inability to moderate. I go from All to Nothing back to All. My Birthday is next week and we are having a Human Cake which I will n... Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:44:04 EST A day of rememberance My sweet first born child would turn five today had she been born alive. She died in my belly the week she was due. Persephone and I are going to make cupcakes tomorrow and have a little celebration for her sister and visit the tree we planted which has her ashes mixed into the soil. So many mixed feelings. <BR> <BR> Persephone (who is 4): Mom, do you think Baby Inana is in Heaven? <BR> Me: Hmmm...not you want to know what I think about Heaven? <BR> P: (after a minute of si... Fri, 16 Sep 2011 10:58:53 EST I am an Avocado! Waist 41"-38"- 36" <BR> <BR> Hips 45.5"-44"-43" <BR> <BR> Thigh 22"-20.5"-21" <BR> <BR> Arm 12"-13.5"-13" <BR> <BR> Neck 12.5"-12.5"-12.5 <BR> <BR> I am way satisfied with these numbers. I have lost 8.5" in two months! I am also an avocado. which is a moderate health risk "waist to hip" ratio than my previous "Apple" ratio. I am allergic to Avocados, and if a gyrl came up to me at a bar and said "Hey sexy, I love your avocado shaped midsection I'd possibly elbow her and roll my eyes." B... Thu, 15 Sep 2011 10:48:06 EST Use it or Lose it This week is my final week of "Use it or Lose it" cooking. My budget took a turn for the bad in September thanks to car breakdown. So I've been following the use it or lose it philosophy of eating everything in the house with no grocery shopping. I have done an exemplary job to be honest. Yesterday I cheated and bought 4 pieces of chicken, 2 apples and 2 bananas. We have enjoyed the fruit more than every after having none for a week. <BR> <BR> Tonight I went to a friend's house with t... Sun, 11 Sep 2011 21:18:50 EST Progress <img src=""> 9/10/11 <BR> <img src=""> 7/18/11 <BR> <BR> I truly don't see much of a difference, but I know the numbers are changing on the scale and the tape measure. Friday I'll take measurements again and see what's going on. I'm enjoying the process and ended my 5% challenge with a 4.25% loss. The next challenge will be 9lbs in 8 weeks and starts in a couple of weeks. I'm fee... Sat, 10 Sep 2011 21:12:03 EST Friday Just a super quick check in. I had 1 hour of sleep and did really well all things considered. <BR> II got the baby to sleep with no drama. I'm joining her in moments. I'll see what the scale does tomorrow but if i've still not started my period I'm claiming last week's 4% loss and calling it done. I'm fine with that and I know I'll see the changes in a week or so. <BR> <BR> Good Night and Peace to all, T Fri, 9 Sep 2011 23:21:36 EST One more week:One more pound-Thursday I journaled and I blogged <BR> I got 90 fitness minutes-weight training, running and dancing <BR> I had one serving of sugar <BR> I had a super productive day again <BR> I am still retaining water---ugh <BR> <BR> <BR> I survived the 13 hour work day and had a great workout after it. I stopped tracking after my snack and I'm quite sure I was over my calories. <BR> <BR> I went out with my friends and danced and sang and laughed and made out and giggled. While I won't get enough sleep ton... Fri, 9 Sep 2011 01:48:34 EST One more week:One more pound-Wednesday I journaled and I blogged <BR> I got 100 fitness minutes and they were HARD ones, not "phoning it in" as Jillian says <BR> I had one serving of sugar <BR> I had a super productive day again <BR> I am still retaining water and praying to wake up bleeding in the middle of the night. <BR> <BR> No time for self pity today either, working my tuckus off! Tomorrow I workout AND have a 13 hour work day. At least the last two hours involve free food and lots of walking around scmoozing. <BR> <BR>... Wed, 7 Sep 2011 22:03:38 EST One more week:One more pound-Tuesday I journaled and I blogged <BR> I was not active except for working a lot. <BR> I ate way too much sugar <BR> I had a super productive day and lots of good Mom time <BR> I remained functional in the face of stress and did not have a minute of self pity. <BR> <BR> You take the good you take the bad, the facts of my life today. <BR> Also I have HELLA PMS and am carrying around ten pounds of water and the scale can suck it. Tue, 6 Sep 2011 21:27:38 EST One more week:One more pound-Monday The car is fixed <BR> I am still single <BR> I have no cash for food or gasoline <BR> I got at least 30 minutes of fitness and the day isn't over. <BR> The weather is perfect <BR> I journaled and I blogged <BR> I drank lots of water <BR> I had a great time with my amazing child. <BR> <BR> That is Monday in a nutshell. <BR> <BR> I'm working 11 hour days all week so I'm going to pack my lunches and try and workout either in the morning at six or in the conference room during the last hour ... Mon, 5 Sep 2011 18:26:25 EST One more week:One more pound-Sunday Uh-Oh <BR> This day is focused on things other than food and fitness. <BR> A) I broke up with my girlfriend <BR> B) My car isn't running and I have not idea why <BR> C) My daughter is at my ex's house and she won't bring her to me even though I'm only 10 minutes away. <BR> <BR> The good part is the weather has broken up with the Sun God and it is only 75 Degrees! <BR> A friend is coming to look at the car, and hopefully a mechanic can come tomorrow. <BR> At least I have tomorrow off! <BR> ... Sun, 4 Sep 2011 14:29:18 EST One more week:One more pound-Saturday The good: jogged 2 miles, swam 30 mins, 20 mins of strength training. <BR> The bad: ate too much for dinner, blacked out while driving <BR> <BR> Journaled, yes <BR> Blogged, yes <BR> Sweets:2 <BR> <BR> Ready for a good night's sleep and a good two days with my little one. <BR> <BR> T Sat, 3 Sep 2011 22:19:14 EST