HA_MONICA83's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=HA%5FMONICA83 HA_MONICA83's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Please say pictures lie...! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5329063 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2090708866.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Ok, so they say...pictures don't lie. Usually I make sure the camera takes the "kindest" pic of me....but someone else took this one. :( It just scares me.... :( <BR> <BR> But I got to push my way through this and find my way to a healthy me again... I am really encouraged that my feet are able to be on the mend. Exercise is def gonna help <BR> my mood (the biggest plus!) and weight loss. <BR> <BR> Hoping my fe... Fri, 19 Apr 2013 20:41:53 EST Results are in! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5327969 So I saw the foot specialist today. My foot pain was because my orthodics were wearing out--as I had guessed. Great thing is I don't need physio, or new orthoidcs (for now) as I got a temporary fix (for a year) on my old orthodics. Sweetness! :) But she gave me 2 exercise to do daily, and I need to gently ease into exercise. For example: if I want to walk 45 minutes a day...divie it up into 3 segments of 15 minutes throughout the day. This helps my foot slowly get adjusted to walking in its n... Thu, 18 Apr 2013 20:08:12 EST So I did one "healthy" thing today... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5323154 So it was a different day than I planned...of course! So Ok, I even didn't quite met my simple goals... I did get one salad...6 cups of water...and I forget my other goal...lol! Oh dear! BUT I also had a stumbling point...a crazy intake of sugary food! Result: headache & crazy emotional upset! I felt so terrible about myself, and what I was doing to my health...I just got so worked up emotionally, I could feel a panic attack coming on! I finally did something *relaxing* that just calmed me ri... Sun, 14 Apr 2013 20:07:36 EST Summer goals and other musings! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5322642 So...I really should be making these after I get the OK from the doc...but <BR> this week is gonna be gorgeous...so its making me excited to exercise again!!! <BR> <BR> So heres the thing. Usually every summer I lose 10-15lbs as I get much more active. <BR> I noticed my moods improve in the summer, my headaches lessen, and I'm just soo much <BR> happier and more confident! So the goal is to lose 15 lbs. If I lose more great. If not, still great...because I know I'll feel like 15% better! :... Sun, 14 Apr 2013 10:05:20 EST todays plan! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5321632 <BR> So I've figured I can do at least 10 minutes on the bike before my foot starts to hurt. So I'm doing that today. 15 minutes max. Its frustrating that it is so little, but I keep telling myself. SOMETHING is sooo much better than nothing! And it will keep me realizing I am caring about my health! <BR> <BR> Also Tuesday when I go to my doctor to get my referral for the foot doc, I'm going to ask for an allergy test. I should've looked into this sooner, but I'm wondering if some of my hea... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 09:34:34 EST Changes coming up! :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5319561 So I've started one change...I'm (finally) taking a vitamin supplement! I started a day and a half ago. I'll see in a month if I notice any changes...like more energy would be nice! :) <BR> <BR> Also I started reading a book dealing with the cognitive behaviour therapy for weight loss/gain etc. I couldn't concentrate that well this mornning, even though I have the day off, because the house was busy/noisy. So I'll work on it this afternoon some. It even has exercises to do in it, which I alw... Thu, 11 Apr 2013 11:20:57 EST Just checking in real quick! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5317381 Well, I had a busier last few days than normal...so I've just been popping in on here! <BR> <BR> But I did do some tracking yesterday (not the whole day) and have tracked today...just not supper yet. But hey, at least I'm getting back into it! <BR> <BR> I actually don't feel that hungry today-- I have had 1200 calories or so. Weird! (for me as I usually eat 2000 a day!) But maybe thats a good sign! <BR> <BR> BTW, those tempting chocolates are gone, (I "slowly" ate them in one portion se... Tue, 9 Apr 2013 16:13:58 EST OK! Its time to get down to business.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5314705 So the past 2 days, suddenly I let my eating slide...for the most part the past 2 weeks have been pretty good without tracking. But these past 2 days, something in me just suddenly retreated to comfort eating. I was anxious about something and ate w/out thinking...sometimes...and deliberatly eating chocolate other times...It was like I couldn't calm the anxious feelings, but I was trying to...with chocolate! I know chocolate (or so Ive heard) releases some good feelings, so maybe thats why my... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 14:05:29 EST I looked at that cake.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5312182 So yesterday I had one small piece of cake. I mean like a 1/2 regular size portion. Then the next meal it was served again! Oh boy. I watched as someone helped themselves to a piece...and then their second piece. I look longingly at the cake, remembering how moist and tasty it was. But then I also remembered I had a piece. After a brief dialogue in my head, I was ok with that. Even though it was just such a small feat, I'm so thankful for it. It was a good choice made :) Fri, 5 Apr 2013 05:27:53 EST Finding my way...and remembering that there is beauty in each one of us! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5308813 First off, I need to work on my self esteem...after yesterdays blog I realized that much is evident!! <BR> <BR> So..a quick 5 reasons why I am beautiful: <BR> <BR> I am beautiful because: <BR> I have pretty blue eyes. <BR> I have cute little freckles on my nose. <BR> I have a compassionate spirit. <BR> I am unique-one of a kind! <BR> I am good at giving to others. <BR> <BR> So while I recognize I do have some outer beauty, the inner is what really makes me shine. <BR> We are all unique. We... Tue, 2 Apr 2013 11:38:39 EST i went shopping today...and feel rather blue now:S http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5307977 <BR> I went shopping today. Yes, I had to shop in the plus size clothes stores. And yes, it was still hard to find something that I sort of felt "pretty" in. But yes, it left me feeling sad. I found a smart outfit in the end and really like it. The thing is, I realize the clothes are pretty and really, underneath all the layers of fat!, I believe I am pretty too. BUT.... <BR> <BR> But the truth is still there. I am considered Obese..Plus sized. And I sometimes wonder (esp when I go shopping... Mon, 1 Apr 2013 19:51:07 EST Now to get back on track... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5306659 So I'm back. I'm tired from traveling, but I'm glad to be home again...though it was such <BR> a wonderful, relaxing holiday :) <BR> <BR> But now comes the challenge, how to get back on track! <BR> I don't yet have my energy & umph to just plunge right in... <BR> Tuesday normal routine begins again, and I'll weigh in then <BR> (i think its gonna be up a few lbs :S) but then we go from there. <BR> I'm just puzzled because I feel stuck---I'm not sure <BR> how to get back on track! I just wan... Sun, 31 Mar 2013 20:30:51 EST Last day of holidays! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5301764 Well tomorrow we head home! BUT not after a trip to the beach :D Yah!!! Unfortunately the temperatures have dropped unusual LOW today! 70F degrees inside...and 55 outside (12 C or so)! So it is chilly out this morning---though that would classify as a nice spring day back home...lol. I guess its all how you look at it! :) But still, I'm hoping tomorrow noon when we hit the beach it will be at least partially sunny to get some nice pictures. Whatever way it will be nice to walk along the sho... Wed, 27 Mar 2013 09:29:37 EST Sigh! And I thought I was maintaining...ah well! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5300593 I stepped on my grandparents scale today...and it says a couple lbs UP :( And here I thought I was maintaining....I did weigh myself after a big breakfast and liquids. But still! It was NOT what I wanted to see. And here I "felt" I was maintaining! I guess I'll resolve it when I get home...and maybe, just maybe the scale is different than mine....hopeful smile! :) <BR> <BR> But honestly, it has been nice not weighin myself every day, and thinking about my weight so much. Yes, I cringe at the... Tue, 26 Mar 2013 10:10:50 EST Enjoying the sunshine...but gotta get exercising!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5298018 Its so lovely to be in the warm breezes and sunshine...hope I'm not making you all too jealous ;) But really, I got to get in some exercise this week...just been relaxing in the sunshine too much and doing some shopping !:)) This afternoon calls for a long walk or swim in the pool if the wind cools down. Its been sunny and warm...in the 80's F. But, the pool is heated. :) <BR> Gonna enjoy the Palm Sunday service at church this morning and then head for the pool! :))) <BR> Not sure, I'll be re... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 09:03:02 EST Holiday time :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5296925 Being here in the sunny south is lovely! Waking up to birds chirping is delightful! Enjoying fresh oranges & grapefruit is yummy!!! <BR> So yes, its been a relaxing time so far :) <BR> <BR> As for exercise, it hasn't been hot enough to swim, but today am going outdoor shopping so shouuld at least get some walking in! It is warm enough to wear capris and tishirts though :) <BR> <BR> Eating wise I've just been using the hunger guideline. I have no idea what my weigh in will be like...cuz no s... Sat, 23 Mar 2013 07:13:49 EST God is Faithful! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5296467 &#65279;&#65279;May you be encouraged tonight knowing God is working out His faithfulness in and through you! Blessings, Monica~ <BR> <BR> <link>learningtobestill.blog.com/2013/03/2<BR>2/gods-faithful-work/ </link> Fri, 22 Mar 2013 17:32:49 EST Anxiety driven eating.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5290032 <BR> Sigh. On the VERY day I met my first milestone of 5 lbs down, I go and over do it on the snacks...unhealthy ones at that! .75 cup of ice cream AND 60 grams chips! BLEH! <BR> <BR> First I was just having a small dish of ice cream....but then I began thinking of a worrisome thought...and I started eating faster and more! :( <BR> <BR> I realized (now) I was perfectly content with one serving, and started feeling sick on the second helping. Mental note to self: BE CONTENT w/ ONE! <BR> ... Sun, 17 Mar 2013 16:06:32 EST Really want to get jogging again....sigh! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5288477 At this point, it is enough for me to walk without pain!!! Never mind jog. <BR> I'm waiting till spring comes to see how I do in my runners outdoors...wait, I actually can test it out on my holidays next week! :) I found a 5 K run or walk for August though that i'd be interested in, which would give me time to start jogging and build it up. But first I got to see if I can manage walking 5k!!! If only my feet were fine!!!!! Stupid cement floors!!! (thats want made my plantar faciitis flare up... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 06:46:39 EST Valuable. Beautiful. Priceless. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5288210 For when you are feeling unworthy, worn out, and down in the dust...take a moment to find that *you* are valued so much more than this! &#9829; <BR> <BR> <link>learningtobestill.blog.com/2013/03/1<BR>5/valued-beautiful-priceless/ </link> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 22:08:12 EST Progress...IS happening! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5287370 <BR> This morning I discovered I'm only .8lbs away from Mondays goal of being hitting the 5lb down mark. This will be AMAZING if I get there. Because for MONTHS I've been just wavering between 242-246. I'm now at 241.8! I was so happy to see this despite going over calories yesterday (on good foods mostly) Sticking to my calorie goal is working! I have 3 days left till weigh in. I SO hope that I'll finally drop to 241! Because that means I'll be that much closer to the 30's zone! <BR> <BR>... Fri, 15 Mar 2013 07:27:29 EST I'm HUNGRY! But just passed my daily limit! Snack ideas? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5286771 I'm SO hungry today. Granted I did do 8miles on the bike today and worked out harder than usual! 15mph. But I already ate 2100 calories...and that is already 100 over my limit! <BR> But I didn't binge today, even though I did have chocolate milk and about 12 chocolate & peanut butter covered pecans....wish I could trade those in now for some mashed potatoes!! Otherwise I had bananas, grapefruit, toast, salad, apple, tuna, and steak! I should be full by now! But, its only 4:30pm in the aftern... Thu, 14 Mar 2013 16:27:54 EST Just ONE more pound to that first "milestone" of 5 lb marker.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5286103 IT would be SOO wonderful sweet if I hit the 5lb loss mark before I went on vacation!!! <BR> We'll see...4 more days left to lose that one pound! Well, I have more time, but I'd be stoked if it happened in 4 days :))) It would feel to me like I"m actually making progress. I've been staying very close to my calorie goal consistently so far this week, so I AM happy about that. <BR> Next week on my holidays I won't be able to track my foods due to travelling, possibly w/ out internet...for 10day... Thu, 14 Mar 2013 05:53:40 EST Meh, and meh!!! :S http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5285508 Ice cream and pudding. Thats what I spent my snack/supper calories on ! :(((( <BR> <BR> I was craving ice cream...been a month since I had some...and chocolate pudding. Unfortunately ice cream was on sale. And pudding. Well it was fat free. <BR> None of that makes me feel better-now! <BR> <BR> I was having such a healthy day, I'm trying to figure out why I had to go and sabatoge it!!!! <BR> <BR> When you're having a great & *healthy* day, Mon, that doesn't give you liberty to go and eat s... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 16:36:19 EST 5 more days!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5284956 So 5 more days till my holidays...I'll check in early Monday morning before I leave! <BR> Can't wait to visit the sunny south! I had HOPED to be down some but as it is looks like it will only be a couple pounds. It'd be cool if I hit the 5 pound mark tho..... <BR> <BR> Working hard on keeping my calorie goal and keeping up the fitness. <BR> <BR> I'm really not sure what to do about my foot...I hate to go to a specialist as that will be super costly, but its just not getting better! I'm go... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 08:55:24 EST a little tired... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5284269 Tonight, I'm rather weary and unfortunately got another headache. I didn't have one an hour ago...it just came. :( Somehow headaches have a way of discouraging me; I guess I suddenly feel in pain and limited to what i can do. The lights go off...the music slows...and I just feel a little tired out. <BR> <BR> But otherwise today was a pretty good day. I did get in 30 minutes of exercise and stayed 30 calories under my goal. Thats the good news. However, I used way too much olive oil in my coo... Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:20:04 EST My Tuesday outline... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5283513 <BR> So last night I went out to my Stampin Up event. I did have one tiny timbit---a whopping 70 calories! Silly little morsel! Oh well. I still stayed under my goal. :) <BR> I'm excited about the products I ordered: 2 butterfly punches, one huge, and one medium (I already have a small) I have coordinating stamp set to go with them, so its gonna look super cute to punch them out precisely instead of cutting them out! Can't wait to get my order! My club lasts 2 more months before it ends. Th... Tue, 12 Mar 2013 06:55:12 EST Short and sweet : todays overview. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5282850 <BR> Today I have stayed under my goal calories....really really! That said, I'll probably hit my "goal"/budget lol. though as I have 120calories left for a snack for this evening out.I am going to a Stampin Up event, so I'm hoping their will be a fruit platter! (They better not be chocolate.....could be an opportunity to practicing saying NO thanks!) <BR> <BR> I did fairly good on my veggies/fruits--6 out of 7. So I have room for one more tonight! :) And so far 7 glasses of water. I oft... Mon, 11 Mar 2013 17:15:50 EST Plan of action: 3 areas to key in on...so far! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5281427 So I'm still trying to figure out a "plan of action"...aka, a weight loss plan. <BR> <BR> ----> Slowness: <BR> I know I need to do it slow. (I don't want to but I need to). <BR> I have observed the last 2 times I've lost a significant amt of weight (15lbs) I only kept it off at most 1/2 year and it always brought 5 extra pounds BACK with it! Now I know that isn't really a lot of weight, but it made an incredible difference in how I felt and looked. I can't imagine what 70lbs loss will fe... Sun, 10 Mar 2013 17:08:34 EST We all fall down sometimes... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5281105 Hello dear Spark friends, <BR> <BR> Today is a new day fresh w/ Gods mercies! Well, after I blogged (my spiritual blog) I felt so much better about getting into the day. I started off on the wrong foot, but now am headed the right direction. (The blog is about when you fall/fail) <BR> <BR> <link>www.learningtobestill.blog.com/ </link> <BR> <BR> Hope you enjoy! Happy Sunday...enjoy the beauties of a new day, and find something to be thankful about...I am thankful for SP & blogging :)))... Sun, 10 Mar 2013 12:03:33 EST For the days you just feel a mess.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5279321 Here's my spiritual blog of today....hope it encourages you and reminds you of a sweet paradox....messiness & loveliness! <BR> <BR> <link>learningtobestill.blog.com/2013/03/0<BR>8/think-youre-a-mess/ </link> Fri, 8 Mar 2013 19:40:00 EST scattered thoughts... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5279179 I'm realizing my body doesn't take kindly to splurging. If its one meal its one thing, but two times splurged? NOPE. Don't even mention 3....but that was today! I did have a healthy breakfast and lunch, but this afternoon, I snacked on way too many carrot muffins...they were just mini homemade ones...but it was enough to make me regret it! Then I didn't have the healthiest supper--chicken burgers :S So it just suddenly makes me feel terrible. LIke I ruined my good streak. I just know I can't ... Fri, 8 Mar 2013 17:15:20 EST Up at 4 am...and excited about something new! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5278336 So I'm up...at 4 am! Yikes. Hopefully I'll be able to doze till 6:30am at least, but for now, I'll just do a little bloggin and sparkin', and hopefully that'll make me sleepy...ya right huh?! lol. <BR> Thats ok. I had a deep sleep, and I'm so thankful for that! <BR> <BR> So I've just started on a new personal spiritual reflection blog...feel free to check it out! <BR> I just wrote the blog : "Ever question your purpose in life?" last night. It was a hard one to write in some ways as it bro... Fri, 8 Mar 2013 04:08:23 EST Ever heard of Calorie Cycling? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5277555 So I saw a team called Calorie Cyclers or something like that. I "joined" it to see if its really active and to glean some info. Any of you heard of this....its like for a week you rotate/vary your calories as life often does to us sometimes anyways....for example: <BR> <BR> Sunday: 1400 <BR> Monday: 1300 <BR> Tuesday: 1600 <BR> Wednesday: 1300 <BR> THursday: 1500 <BR> Friday: 1600 <BR> Saturday: 1400 <BR> <BR> Its supposable to keep the metabolsim going. I really don't know!!! I'm just loo... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 14:28:57 EST trying to figure it out... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5276952 I'm trying to figure out how my body best & healthily looses weight. <BR> I think I always get discouraged when I don't seem weight loss and then self sabotage. <BR> <BR> Yesterday (first day off Dukan) I was treated out for lunch unexpectedly! Plus I had 2 chocolates. Not a great way to ease OFF a strict diet. But it didn't have a great bearing on my weight. Plus its TOM. So considering I'm still down 3lbs from last week, I'm pretty happy. I just would LOVE to bring it 2 more lbs down this ... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 06:30:11 EST My likes/dislikes of the Dukan diet. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5274490 So I decided the strict regime of Dukan diet is NOT for me! I did 5 days of the attack. But now, FINALLY, I can eat fruits & veggies again! <BR> <BR> Dislikes: <BR> I don't like that I can't eat fruit! <BR> I don't like that I can't eat fat!--not even in a healthy form such as advocado <BR> I don't like the overkill on protein <BR> I think some carbs are still essential...not just a few Tbsp a day! <BR> I don't think I should be minimized to a certain # of minutes of exercise a day. (They st... Tue, 5 Mar 2013 14:38:38 EST Sugar Free???! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5268660 Hm. All afternoon, I've been craving sugar! And I'm trying to go sugar free! YIkes. I sure hope this gets easier....I heard the first few days are the hardest! So I'm just gonna have to tough it out...I've tried using a sweetner, but ugh, I must be a sugar or nothing girl! Lol. I don't even like honey! (Not that I am allowing myself to have that right now) So hmm...I decided to make meatballs instead of something sugary. Then I'm gonna take a nap, shower and do some more cleaning. Hope these ... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 14:09:12 EST Yup...its still winter out there! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5266899 I went on a very brief walk this morning, just to take a few winter pics as I realized I haven't yet...and its March tomorrow! (the last month of winter!!! woo hooo!) Can't wait for spring...but in the meantime I'll enjoy this different kinda beauty for right now :) Enjoy the pics! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1958915976.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1995747206.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.c... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 08:07:13 EST Do you value your body? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5266814 So I was thinking about something last night and this morning. <BR> <BR> How much do I value my body? <BR> <BR> I read something lately that said something about cherishing and nurturing our bodies.... <BR> that just stopped me in my tracks. Do I really cherish and nurture my body?! Honestly, <BR> no I don't. I selfishly use it for my own "wants". I don't realize nor give credit to my body the priceless value it has...nor do I take my responsibility seriously enough...to cherish and nurture... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 06:35:55 EST Gearing up! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5265922 Well I just finished making a schedule for the first phase--attack phase...thankfully its just one week...I don't think I've ever seen a schedule (for myself) consisting of SO much protein. I'll think I'll be SUPER excited in week 2 when I get to eat veggies again :))) But its just a week, so I can do that :) <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/6/l1655975830.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Tomorrow will be fun getting all the groceries for it, well minus the veggies. I'll stock up on... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 11:43:29 EST Taking Charge. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5262388 Ok..so this afternoon I panicked. I freaked out. I flipped...whatever way you say it, I was distraught!! All because I binged. BUT, after I binged it was crystal clear why I binged. I don't think its hit me this vivid before---the reason why.... <BR> <BR> I've been nervous, anxious, worried this afternoon about starting my diet. I just finished the book this afternnoon, and suddenly thought--more like obessively worried-- about the what ifs... <BR> What if this doesn't work? <BR> What if it... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 17:55:58 EST proteins are so prIcey!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5260937 <BR> So the first week of my diet is mainly proteins (dairy, meats). As I was making my grocery list, I priced things out. I couldn't believe how much it added up...so fast! The good thing though, is after the first week I can start adding vegies and there not so pricey. But still! We'll see realistically if this diet is even going to work (budget wise)! But really if I was doing WW meetings I thought, I"d have to pay for the program, plus buy my foods. So maybe it evens out? IDK! We'll see ... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 10:59:48 EST what a wonky day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5260268 This mornings migraine...totally knocked the energy outta me. I can't believe how much I slept today! 4 hrs this morning, 2 hrs this afternoon....will I even sleep tonight?!!! <BR> I hope so! I still feel sleepy, but I just took a cup of strong black tea to perk me up so I can get a few things done this evening! Postponing my exercise till tomorrow. Its been a sucky week for exercise, but I'll work hard this wkend, providing I don't have a migraine!! Hoping for the best...signing off for no... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 16:48:22 EST I can choose.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5259838 Sometimes I just don't understand the struggles. And I forget I have a choice about things. <BR> <BR> This morning after being laid up 4 hrs in bed with an aching migraine, I finally got up to face the world, and my sense of inadequacy. I so long to be free of these head pains. And faitgue. <BR> And anxiety. And depression...etc. <BR> <BR> Yet I also recognize that God has made me "me" for a reason. He doesn't look down on me <BR> for not being able to handle alot. He doesn't compare me. H... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 10:24:13 EST Surprise, surprise! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5257018 My book arrived! I already started reading last night...got the first couple chapters done AND took notes :) Feel like I"m learning! lol. I've joined the Dukan team too. But being I"m not starting till March 1st, I won't be very active on there till then, though I did do introductions already. My doctor just advised to read the whole book first before starting the diet. SO thats what I'm doing, and I figured I'd aim to be done the end of Feb. <BR> <BR> BUt this diet means NO tracking..food ... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 05:30:43 EST Feeling in limbo, nervous, and impatient! (what a combination!) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5256432 <BR> It seems the last 2 days, I've lost my "spark". I think its because I got out of routine, although I did exercise, I didn't track. I noticed a change in my attitude towards food, like I didn't have a "accountability" monitor anymore! I know I can't rely on my tracker forever, and I do think...know its time for a change in the way I approach weight loss & healthy living, but its kinda is unnerving me that I don't know HOW the next weeks are going to look. I like "control"! Sigh. Sometime... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 16:28:06 EST A weird day...and thanks! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5251647 So todays a weird day. I had the morning off because I had blood work to be done...I was up at 5am, got to the clinic around 9am, did some errands, visited family and home again at noon! A LOT of driving in snowy conditions, but grateful to make it home safe & sound! <BR> <BR> I have had terrible head pain today, but spending some time with family made me forget my pain a bit. Though noise and excitement, light etc make it worse :( But I'm really grateful that the doc's are looking into it... Fri, 15 Feb 2013 13:24:46 EST SO much to think about... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5250006 <BR> So yesterday I found out a bunch of things from my appointment... <BR> <BR> 1. I have to get blood tests done. <BR> 2. Get a referral to a head pain clinic. <BR> 3. Tweak meds on next visit after blood results. <BR> 4. Start new med if blood tests are clear. <BR> 5. Investigate reasons for nausea w/ doctor. <BR> 6. Start WW or Dukan diet or something to lose weight! <BR> <BR> I think thats it. I got 3 appointments lined up for the rest of this month! <BR> Wow. I felt slightly overwhel... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 07:06:09 EST Anybody been here before? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5248014 So I've been on here pretty faithfully since mid October 2012. And have I lost weight??? NO! In fact I've gained!!! THe scale keeps going up and down. I really got to get it going CONSISTENTLY downwards, because this just sucks and is getting downright frustrating. <BR> So I KNOW I got the exercise thing down. GOOD. :D <BR> <BR> Food? It varies like a busted cukoo clock! For a few days I'll be down and then I'll start to creep up...then I'll binge...and then I do the cycle over again. SOmeth... Tue, 12 Feb 2013 16:25:28 EST So thanks to a Sparkler, I found out my correct calories! Much lower!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5245031 So instead of 800 calories or so I was supposably burning, according to a fitbit I am burning 538 calories in 40 mins at 15mph. So now I'll go by that, until I get a heart rate and calorie monitor. I am thinking of getting this one... <BR> <BR> http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Sportline+-+<BR>SOLO+905+Women%27s+Heart+Rate+Monitor+<BR>-+Black/6581185.p?id=1218759753070&sku<BR>Id=6581185 <BR> <BR> Or heres the pic, <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1232934314.jpg"> <B... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 11:44:28 EST