GYPSYROVER's SparkPeople Blog GYPSYROVER's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community More Light Bulb Moments <em>3</em> <em>189</em> <em>3</em> <BR> <BR> This learning curve is eternal! As I struggle to come to grips with the truth of my life, I am constantly in flux. I guess they call this "life". This past year is the first time I have not held a job in many years. I guess I am retired. So why do I feel so pressured to "perform"? No matter. It's a process, but I have realized that as glorious as being "free to do nothing" is, I find I am becoming very unproductive. That is not a good feeli... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 19:56:40 EST Dietary confusion <em>303</em> Question to anyone: I just re-vamped my trackers & SparkPage, and discovered in my last effort (May/June) I had not tied my fitness & nutrition together on my trackers. This time, I accidentally set this up and am surprised at the result. It keeps saying eat more. Being overweight, I am decidedly wary! But last night & today I found I really had to push to get through my cardio. I think tomorrow I will skip it & do strength training to give myself a rest. Does any of this make ... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 18:34:22 EST Wow......that was close! <em>211</em> I thought the day got away from me. I overslept, blah, blah, blah.....same old story. Then we had a dinner invite & an early movie; I figured I was going to be shame-faced again for screwing up. But at 9:15 pm I got changed and walked for an hour on my treadmill. YES! YES! YES! Squeaked that one out at the last minute. <em>244</em> <em>252</em> <BR> <BR> <em>213</em> Sat, 7 Sep 2013 22:59:42 EST Here I go again! Tomorrow will be ANOTHER <em>249</em> ! I did a makeover of my SparkPage & will be re-thinking my original goals. This battle is going to be a tad more difficult than I hoped, but I know it's not impossible. I know where I am falling down & I think I have figured out why. The "baby step" phrase is about to be tested. Since I am not succeeding with daily exercise, & no little fairy has sprinkled "motivating magical mist" over my sedentary body I have to assume the exercise bug will never b... Thu, 5 Sep 2013 22:42:32 EST Note to Self <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is September 1st, 2013. I am a basket case. Between now & tomorrow I need a major epiphany. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Sat, 31 Aug 2013 21:03:44 EST If...... Ya know, if "thinking" was "doing", I wouldn't need SparkPeople! <em>211</em> If my body was as active as my mind, I would be much more svelte & healthy! <em>20</em> If my body moved as fluidly as my thoughts & my words, no one could catch me! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> The moral: With a name like Gypsyrover, you would think moving was my forte, wouldn't you?! <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> Perhaps my name choice held the secret all along! <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> <em>58</em> Fri, 9 Aug 2013 01:32:37 EST Companions on the Journey <em>252</em> I believe you have to be ready to make changes in your life! No one can guilt you, shame you, woohoo you or educate you into change! I learned that lesson after 35+ years of smoking. I am a very sloooooooooow learner, but I get it eventually! <em>334</em> I quit almost 5 years ago. I am not sure, but I THINK I quit because someone I knew died. I will never know for sure if that was the reason I succeeded. All I care is that, after years of trying, I am smoke-free. <em>5... Sat, 27 Jul 2013 21:42:16 EST Evolution of Thought Well, I'm coasting along & losing some ground. I've accepted that for now. I log on every day, & stay active on the site, nonetheless. I spend a great deal of time reading, and analyzing what works & what doesn't on this journey of mine. I am missing my "all-or-nothingness", but I am learning. I am actually excited to get back on track when we return from our trip! Dare I say I miss the healthy regimen <em>211</em> I also miss my scale <em>39</em> . I do not torture myself getting weigh... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 21:50:53 EST Somebody Calm Me Down! <em>234</em> Tonight I found my SparkPage on the internet. Needless to say, I was really upset. I immediately changed my settings so my page can only be seen by the SparkFriends I have added. Sadly, I have invited other Sparkers to stop by my page - but now it has to be private. My apologies. <BR> <BR> Fixed, ya think? Nope! I realized by digging further tonight, that every message board post I make seems public on the web, and it says I have selected Secrets of Success going back for se... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 22:13:20 EST Message loading.............please stand by! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> My hard drive is processing this..........slowly! Sometimes it freezes. But I refuse to log off! At some point my anti-virus is gonna kick in & then look out! <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>213</em> Tue, 16 Jul 2013 09:37:27 EST Baby Steps Experiment Ok. This "All-or-Nothing Annie" is trying out this foreign concept of "baby steps". I cannot describe to you vividly enough how my insides scream defiantly that "this won't do any good", & "that's not good enough"! <BR> <BR> Simultaneously the thought pops into my head - the realization - that I have often cheered YOU all on for making baby steps! Double standard indeed! Is not what's good for the goose, good for the gander? I am embarrassed to admit that. <BR> <BR> Exercise. My Achilles' ... Fri, 12 Jul 2013 09:15:42 EST State of Denial I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! <BR> <BR> And therein lies the problem. I'm working on it. Please be patient with me. And keep sparking! <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>245</em> <em>213</em> Thu, 11 Jul 2013 10:47:43 EST Heat Wave I do not know how to function in this heat / humidity. I am unable to eat properly, exercise or sleep. I am pretty wasted. I'll be back when this weather changes. <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>259</em> <em>67</em> <em>194</em> <em>228</em> <BR> Mon, 8 Jul 2013 22:50:47 EST Plan B I am coasting. In transition. Plan A was based on perfection. Not so helpful. Plan B must be based on reality. And it would be helpful if I really made the decision as to where I go from here. More importantly, HOW will I go from here? <BR> <BR> So forgive my lack of dedication at the moment. I am active on the site, but I have not been tracking food. And I have not been exercising, except for my garden rehab - which was 4+ hours of bending, stretching, lugging bags of soil & mulch, pushing ... Tue, 2 Jul 2013 13:10:50 EST Long Weekend Travel Well, not much changed this week. I am still eating & tracking well. Exercise......not so much. This weekend is our annual Family Day gathering in another province, so its been busy trying to get ready. I hope to return afterwards with no further commitments and can focus on ME !! <BR> <BR> (Is it just me, or does it seem like a big event is so simple for the male spouse? He has nothing to do to get ready to go - WTF is THAT about????? <em>42</em> ) <BR> <BR> Anyway, I did try to ask f... Fri, 28 Jun 2013 22:07:01 EST Expectation Management Appearances can be deceiving, can't they? Or maybe, we just see what we want to see! Either way, reality comes a'calling! When I first signed up, I thought everybody was "The Biggest Loser". I thought everybody exercised multiple times a day. I thought everybody was a full-time cheerleader & blogger. I thought everybody was Coach Nicole and Chef Meg. I thought everybody was a jogger & a marathon runner & a weight lifter. <BR> <BR> I bought the food scale, dumb bells, resistance bands.......t... Wed, 26 Jun 2013 22:54:19 EST Seven weeks along the road... Today is Tuesday. Today SHOULD have been weigh-in day. It's not going to happen. And that's ok. <BR> <BR> Given the abyss I just climbed out of - thanks to all your help - I am going to be kind to myself & do some plan restructuring. The scale will probably not be helpful at this point. Being an "all or nothing" kind of gal, it has always bothered me that Spark week starts on Sunday, but my week started Tuesday. Now is a perfect time to make this change since everything collapsed anyway. (I... Tue, 25 Jun 2013 11:23:57 EST Running on empty....... The fire is out. No one but me can get it going again. What will tomorrow bring? Better question would be "What will I bring to tomorrow?" I have no answer tonight. Sun, 23 Jun 2013 20:56:11 EST Gratitude Today was a good day! All of the sparks sent my way created a flame! <em>304</em> It felt good to be "taking care of business"! <em>213</em> Wed, 19 Jun 2013 21:57:20 EST No Surprises Today! Well, my weekly weigh-in went as well as could be expected.........maybe even slightly better. I didn't lose anything this week but I didn't gain anything either. So, the moral of this story is, if you want something badly enough, you have to do a little work to get it! <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> I have just spent Sun., Mon., & Tues. of THIS week doing NO exercise. I've got 6 days before next weigh-in. One teensy pound will get me out of the 200's. I have had so many encouraging comments fr... Tue, 18 Jun 2013 22:56:04 EST Week of Wondering Tomorrow is Tuesday. Weigh-in Day. I am slightly apathetic over this. No doubt self-defense at work. This week was not a good week. I did not eat well. I did not drink my water. I did not exercise enough. My sleep was poor. <BR> <BR> C'est la vie! I will reap what I sowed. And I will keep going. The difference this time around is that no matter how many times I fall down, I am going to get back up & keep trying. <BR> <BR> THAT is the difference! And that will MAKE the difference! Keep on ... Mon, 17 Jun 2013 20:44:43 EST Giving Thanks! Life is funny. Today was Weigh-In Tuesday. I lost 3 pounds this week. This is a VERY good thing. And not necessarily deserved. I mean, I did exert effort this week - it's not like I did nothing. But I really was struggling yesterday knowing I did less than my best. And the Good Lord knows just how important that "199 pound" marker is to me. Today the scale said 200 pounds. The irony is not lost on me. I will not be delivered, but He is with me every step of the way! And He knows what is best.... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 20:23:48 EST Wasted day This will always be my hurdle - my mental game. I am so extremely regimented in my life, and yet one mood shift will jeopardize all my effort. I can go happily charging full steam ahead and then crash like hitting a brick wall. Full stop. It hurts. It sucks! <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is "Tuesday". Weigh Day. Come what may! <BR> <BR> Before this week is out I need to come up with a strategy to overcome my crashes. Depression is a challenge, but it can be managed when I recognize thought patterns, ... Mon, 10 Jun 2013 23:36:12 EST Will this be the week? I live for Tuesdays. I know. Pretty sad. But I really want to get into the 190's. High. Low. Doesn't matter. Just get me out of the 200's. Tuesday is weigh-day! Will it happen this week? Maybe not, but it is getting close. That is my huge goal for now. 199........awesome number!!!!!! And it is where I long to be. <BR> <BR> Stay tuned! Tuesday is almost here! Time will tell! Sun, 9 Jun 2013 19:23:45 EST Never did like roller coasters Well, this is quite the ride. Up one day; down the next. I've lost my spark. Just going through the motions. I guess the important thing is I am still going. I 'll find that elusive spark somewhere along the road......gotta keep moving. <em>134</em> Fri, 7 Jun 2013 21:30:25 EST Trying to Trust <em>38</em> <em>38</em> <em>38</em> <em>38</em> .............ok, so today was pretty good. But all is not accomplished. Crossed off more on my to-do list, but still have not completed ST. I have 4 hours left in this day ( see a pattern here???) and I must admit.......not feelin' it! It is debateable whether I can pull this off. My only hope is accountability - and I am NOT feeling it! Can you feel the defiance????? <BR> <BR> WTF is this all about?>??? No matter. Whatever... Thu, 6 Jun 2013 19:21:14 EST Tuesday Tally! <em>334</em> Well, it's been quite the day! I lost another pound this week, lost inches here and there over this past month, and accomplished a whole load of household tasks that are distracting me. My gardens cry out to me, but I cannot get outside because of this incessant noisy list of jobs inside that need completion. But I am almost there! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> I have met/connected with so many interesting Sparkers this month! We are truly NOT alone in this battle to health! I ... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 19:46:22 EST Among the Missing! I "took a long weekend". I was busy reading and posting a bit on the site, but I did not track & I did not exercise. I am having pain in my knees and I am not sure why. "Perfect Syndrome" won out and I tackled some projects that I had not found time to complete. I mulled over my "all or nothing" approach to everything. I lamented a bit, knowing my coming weigh-in was going to disappoint. And with the weekend now over I am feeling......oh, just bewildered and overwhelmed with life! <BR> <... Mon, 3 Jun 2013 08:49:18 EST On Track Today I am on track. I am even getting up before 7 a.m. these days to give myself more hours in my day. Sadly it is not helping me get through my list of backed up projects. And I am losing enthusiasm. Not motivation - just enthusiasm. I cannot quite wrap my head around this development. I wonder if this is a normal part of this journey??? <BR> <BR> So that's the scoop. Thu, 30 May 2013 21:49:22 EST Where has my life gone? Somebody please tell me that at some point I will get my life back.........or at least "a life". I live & breathe SparkPeople Stuff. I am not getting my other stuff done. Ok. That's the whine. Moving on........ <BR> <BR> This afternoon I did my strength training FINALLY. I prayed no one could see me through the living room window. "Form" is an alien concept to me. Breathing is intermittent, at best. My resistance band seemed waaaay too long compared to Coach Nicole's. And the grand finale...... Wed, 29 May 2013 21:40:51 EST Strength Training <em>34</em> <em>317</em> <BR> <BR> I don't usually blog until evening, but this "elephant in my room" needs to be addressed. I have put strength training off long enough. It just seems so awkward & boring. sigh <em>28</em> I know though, if I blog about it & say I am going to do it, then I am accountable. So here goes. My gear is all gathered. I have my video's to follow along with. <BR> <BR> Stay tuned! <em>211</em> <em>20</em> <em>344</em> Wed, 29 May 2013 12:05:27 EST Can this day get any more off track? <em>24</em> Ok. I am officially writing this day off! <BR> <BR> The good: I did track, read, & view on this site. I did NOT buy potato chips at the grocery store! I made a very yummy nutritious supper. I finally got 3 sets of sheets washed & hung outside after almost 2 weeks of rain! Oh, & weigh-in showed I lost ONE pound! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> The bad: No breakfast. No lunch. One cup of water so far. No exercise. <em>2</em> <BR> <BR> The ugly: I did not fight for me! I quit... Tue, 28 May 2013 21:13:22 EST 'Twas the night before weigh-in........... .....and I find myself anxious. I really need to focus more on the "road to health" process and less on the "Tuesday" number. But I don't. I am tired and slightly cranky. I will think of nothing else but weighing myself as I wait for sleep to rescue me tonight. I will be on my scales bright & early in the morning. That is my Tuesday routine these days. <BR> <BR> Forgive my lack of enthusiasm tonight, please! I am sure some sleep will help my perspective. I am going to read some blogs before... Mon, 27 May 2013 22:09:55 EST Do-Nothing Day Today turned out differently than I planned. <BR> (I'm starting to detect a theme............... <em>24</em> But I'll get to that in a minute!) <BR> <BR> I slept in very late today after a restless night. That really affected my meals - I missed breakfast totally, skipped lunch and was out of the house until suppertime. By then, it's time to make dinner and prepare laundry & do other chores for the week ahead. So my water intake was next to nil and my calories were sadly lacking. <BR> <... Sun, 26 May 2013 22:28:32 EST More Lessons! More Blessings! Well, Friday was a bad day. In spite of some effort, I just gave in to the chaos of the day, had a pity party (because life was not perfect - perfect is VERY important to me) and had beer & popcorn <em>39</em> . I went to bed disappointed in myself. Perfect is ALSO very detrimental to me! I think PERFECT can be a convenient cop-out. PERFECT can also be a way to berate myself, which is not very affirming. PERFECT can also leave me continually feeling critical, which is not helpful to others... Sat, 25 May 2013 10:52:07 EST Accountability Update Re: yesterday's blog <BR> <BR> Ate nutritious meal - check <BR> Treadmill - check <BR> Resistance - check <BR> Sleep - check <BR> <BR> After 10 hours sleep - a much better day! Hope everyone is having a good day! <em>334</em> Thu, 23 May 2013 12:13:42 EST What a difference a day makes.. OK. So much for yesterday's success. I stayed up really late last night. I overslept this morning. I have done nothing I am supposed to do so far today. The thought of exercise depresses me. Thank goodness there are no potato chips in the house <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> I am signing off my computer right now. I am going to have a nutritious meal and get on my treadmill. I may even do some resistance exercises. And I am going to bed earlier tonight! <BR> <BR> Being tired derailed me. I have... Wed, 22 May 2013 11:28:06 EST Trust the process Today's weigh-in was exciting. I lost 4 pounds on this 2nd week. And it feels great! <em>48</em> <BR> I know that's a little more than is suggested. The first week I lost 3 pounds. But I guess when <BR> you go from doing nothing and eating everything - ANY effort is going to make a difference! I suspect that after the initial few pounds come off things will slow down and I will have to play more of a mental game. That will require trusting the process, I guess. And believing for myself th... Tue, 21 May 2013 14:24:51 EST Tuesday is weigh-in day.............. <em>192</em> <em>38</em> <em>38</em> Well, I have to admit I am anxious. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I began this journey. Two weeks of trying to turn this rig around. <em>343</em> ( REALLY??? They have a DUMPTRUCK icon to choose from???) <BR> <BR> Hoping for <em>55</em> 2 lbs. less. Knowing that it could stay the same. Fearing it will go <em>49</em> . <BR> <BR> So, a good night's rest is in order. Whatever will be, will be! And the journey will continue. ... Mon, 20 May 2013 22:13:43 EST Day of Reckoning Well, today I learned a lesson in accountability here on SparkPeople. Another member had agreed to walk today based on my "invite" to her - which was based on HER daily blog. Long story, but after all that...... I DID NOT WALK my 3 miles! I DID NOT DO what I said I was going to do. I know WHY I didn't walk, and I will not offer the excuse. But as I ponder this, I realize that I made choices today. And this was the end result. And it sucks to admit it! It REALLY sucks. <em>2</em> <BR> <BR... Mon, 20 May 2013 00:58:06 EST TOO MUCH INFORMATION It would appear my weekend homework assignment has been further complicated by the following message on my fitness tracker <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> *The number of calories you should eat to manage your weight depends on many factors, including how many calories you burn through exercise. It may seem counter -intuitive, but eating too little while burning too much can actually hurt your weight-management goals and the outcome of your fitness program. If you are consistently burning more cal... Sat, 18 May 2013 13:00:57 EST Friday Shocker Yesterday, I exceeded my nutritional cholesterol range - vastly, I might add. I was shocked! First time since tracking. What's worse, I have no clue which choices all that nasty stuff was hiding in. <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> And this is where I fall down. Detail. Too much info will shut me down quicker than anything. The fact that I now must go back through my Friday food and research every choice just seems like too much time spent. Details! I get the same reaction from strength training inf... Sat, 18 May 2013 10:08:27 EST A New Day <em>27</em> Well, yesterday I took the day off. I was experiencing a great deal of pain and wondered if I had overdone on the treadmill. So I gave myself the day to heal - so to speak. Today I woke up and don't feel much better so it is back to the routine. One thing I have learned over time is once you stop - you're in trouble! <BR> <BR> So, today is another day on this journey. I don't FEEL like JUMPING into it, but I will gingerly take my baby steps in the direction I wish to be going.... Fri, 17 May 2013 10:37:18 EST Not My Finest Hour Not sure what is going on today ????? Low energy, but hungry all day. I really think I ate properly, so this is confusing. I also FEEL fatter today which tends to be depressing - given my workout. My mood seems to be getting worse, but I am sure that is due to my anxiety over why this "good day" just doesn't feel all that "good". Anybody else have days like this? Any hints, or do I just ride it out in hopes of a better tomorrow? <BR> <BR> This is definitely going to be a mental game. <em>24... Wed, 15 May 2013 18:53:33 EST So Confused About Weight Training Before I whine about how uneducated I am re: strength training, I need to make a correction from my previous blog. I did NOT lose 3 kg. That would have been really nice, <em>20</em> but I only lost 3 POUNDS. I got my ticker info screwed up, but I think I am set up correctly now! <em>30</em> And I am thrilled with 3 lbs. !!!!! I'll take it!! <BR> <BR> Moving on. Strength Training. This has become my stumbling block. I have read the blogs & articles & posts. The terminology in them a... Tue, 14 May 2013 16:30:56 EST Results <em>244</em> Today I saw results. It appears I have lost 3 kg's. I phrase it that way because I am unsure about my scales, & maybe a little doubtful that this is possible. <em>38</em> <BR> Regardless, I will motor on and see what next week's weigh-in shows me! <em>192</em> <BR> <BR> A big shout-out to all of you who have encouraged me, "befriended me" and shared with me! It really means a lot, and I am trying to pay it forward and reach out to others! <em>304</em> <BR> <BR> H... Mon, 13 May 2013 19:46:06 EST Today Life Happened Well, it played out just like I figured. So much for any Spark Streaks <em>39</em> . I am exhausted, in pain and have hardly eaten anything today. So, that's the scoop. <BR> <BR> My pity party is now over <em>250</em> There is not one thing, given the circumstances, that I could have changed about my day. And tomorrow I am hosting a huge crowd in my home. So it will be a rerun of today. <em>198</em> At least I will get to eat! <em>4</em> <em>246</em> HOWEVER............ Fri, 10 May 2013 21:50:35 EST Up & Down Wow! What a day this has been. My stress level is through the roof, which leaves me paralyzed - just when I need to be in top form <em>40</em> I binged a little on some residual junk food left in the house <em>46</em> <BR> <BR> HOWEVER! I will attempt to focus on the positives! <em>20</em> I did get my 45 minutes of exercise <em>48</em> and if I crept up over my calories, I still did better than yesterday <em>30</em> <BR> <BR> And I see some lovely welcome notes of encou... Thu, 9 May 2013 20:18:56 EST Day One Recap Well, I did really well until suppertime. Then I blew it I guess. <em>4</em> In hindsight I should have researched what I had planned for supper BEFORE I actually served myself. Sadly I really exceeded my calorie count :( sigh <BR> <BR> Oh well - baby steps! I did a WHOLE lot of successful things today; met all of my other goals. And that makes this a very good day! <em>249</em> <em>30</em> Wed, 8 May 2013 20:35:26 EST You can run, but you can't hide :( Last night was the night. I got on the scales only to discover that I was at my heaviest weight ever! I joined Sparkpeople right there and then! I am on my way to a healthier me :) Wed, 8 May 2013 14:45:41 EST