GRANNY2B2's SparkPeople Blog GRANNY2B2's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Smile Of The Day---Tues. A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.” <BR> <BR> “And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?” <BR> <BR> The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, “Now, you have everything.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Tue, 19 Aug 2014 15:55:12 EST Smile Of The Day---Mon. A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas station on a lonely country road. <BR> <BR> On its side were the letters “UFO.” The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. <BR> <BR> “Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?” he asked. <BR> <BR> “No,” one of the other-worldly travelers responded, “It stands for “Unleaded Fuel Only.” <BR> Tue, 19 Aug 2014 15:33:32 EST Smile Of The Day---Sun. A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Johnny what is your problem?” Johnny answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!” The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal’s office. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and b... Sun, 17 Aug 2014 20:25:21 EST The Wit And Wisdom Of Joyce Meyer---Sun. A grateful attitude makes you happy. Sun, 17 Aug 2014 19:50:59 EST Smile Of The Day---Sat. An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms -- Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. <BR> The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. <BR> While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving... Sat, 16 Aug 2014 20:00:25 EST Smile Of The Day---Fri. The doctor took his patient into the room and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.” <BR> <BR> The patient said, “Give me the good news.” <BR> <BR> “They’re going to name a disease after you.” <BR> <BR> Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:58:03 EST Smile Of The Day---Thurs. Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. <BR> <BR> Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. <BR> <BR> “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are... Thu, 14 Aug 2014 22:10:20 EST Smile Of The Day---Wed. A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.” <BR> <BR> The banker said, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.” <BR> Wed, 13 Aug 2014 17:41:01 EST Happy Lefthander's Day! Are you left-handed or right-handed? <BR> Wed, 13 Aug 2014 17:26:51 EST Smile Of The Day---Tues. A woman walked into the1 kitchen to find her husband walking around with a fly swatter. <BR> <BR> "What are you doing?" she asked. <BR> <BR> "Hunting flies," he responed. <BR> <BR> "Oh! kill any?" she asked. <BR> <BR> "Yep! 3 males and 2 females," he replied. <BR> <BR> Intrigued, she asked him, "How can you tell them apart?" <BR> <BR> He responded, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone." <BR> <BR> Tue, 12 Aug 2014 16:10:31 EST Smile Of The Day---Mon. A man was driving a rig in a long line of tractor-trailers when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. Astounded that he alone was caught, he asked, “Out of all these trucks that were going just as fast as I was, why did you pull me over?” <BR> <BR> “Have you ever gone fishing?” the officer asked. <BR> <BR> “Yes,” Walt replied. <BR> <BR> “Well, have you ever caught all the fish in the pond?” Mon, 11 Aug 2014 19:55:59 EST Smile Of The Day---Sun. A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check. <BR> <BR> When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. <BR> <BR> “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To whic... Sun, 10 Aug 2014 17:58:03 EST Smile Of The Day---Sat. <BR> Teacher: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son. <BR> <BR> Parent: What’s that? <BR> <BR> Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Sat, 9 Aug 2014 23:15:21 EST The Reunion---The Aftermath <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> As most of you know, the family reunion was last Thurs. through Sun. You also know how nervous I was. I am a Christian and I believe in the power of prayer and the power of having others in agreement with you. <BR> I called on my Spark Friends and you all came through for me. Thank you for all prayers, comments, goodies, and all acts of kindness on my behalf. I felt so peaceful. I know that the... Fri, 8 Aug 2014 20:11:59 EST This Is How I Feel Today. <em>231</em> <img src=""> Thu, 7 Aug 2014 20:18:15 EST The Wit And Wisdom Of Joyce Meyer---WED. We need to go after love with all our might and act as if we cannot live without it! <BR> <em>26</em> Wed, 6 Aug 2014 20:30:53 EST The Wit And Wisdom Of Joyce Meyer---Tues. God doesn't want to live in a little Sunday morning box that a lot of people like to keep Him in. Let Him out. <BR> Tue, 5 Aug 2014 17:26:50 EST Smile Of The Day---Tues. When I got to work Monday, I was limping somewhat noticeably. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened. <BR> <BR> I told him, “Oh, nothing. It’s just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.” <BR> <BR> My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, “Gee, I never knew you played football.” <BR> <BR> I said, “Well, I don’t. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television…” <BR> Tue, 5 Aug 2014 17:02:33 EST Smile Of The Day---Mon. After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle. <BR> <BR> “That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained. <BR> <BR> Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. “What I mean,” said Tim, “is I’d like to see something really cheap.” <BR> <BR> The clerk handed him a mirr... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 00:34:50 EST Smile Of The Day---Sun. A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper. <BR> <BR> He looked up and said, “Here is a great sale on tires!” <BR> <BR> His wife replied, “What do you want tires for? You don’t have a car.” <BR> <BR> He says, “Do I complain when you go out and buy a new bra?” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Sun, 3 Aug 2014 23:00:06 EST HOME... ...from the reunion. It went really well. I will post all details in a couple of days. I must rest and regroup. Always, believe in the power of prayer and having others praying in agreement with you. It works. THANKS!!!! Sun, 3 Aug 2014 19:26:33 EST Smile Of The Day---Sat. After years of scrimping and saving, I told my wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” <BR> <BR> “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. <BR> <BR> “No,” I said sadly, “a 1979 Cadillac.” <BR> <BR> Sat, 2 Aug 2014 23:55:17 EST Smile Of The Day---Fri. A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. <BR> <BR> When the exam was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.” <BR> <BR> “Well, in plain English,” the doctor said, “you’re just lazy.” <BR> <BR> “Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.” <BR> Sat, 2 Aug 2014 00:33:09 EST Happy August! I hope you have all had a fierce and fabulous Friday for the First!! Fri, 1 Aug 2014 23:34:51 EST DH's Family Reunion:{:{:{:{ ....starts tomorrow. As my longtime Spark friends know this is a bittersweet time for me. It will last through Sunday. <BR> I am Dh's second wife. His first wife died many years ago. A couple of his close family members do not accept me as family, even tho we've been married sooo many years. And they don't mind letting me know, in a sneaky way, I'm the second Mrs. Every year I vow to myself that I wont' attend, but I always do to support my DH. <BR> Please pray that thing will go well for ... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 00:02:41 EST Smile Of The Day---Wed. A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him. “Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.” <BR> <BR> “I know” said the man, “but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.” <BR> <BR> Wed, 30 Jul 2014 23:08:13 EST Smile Of The Day---Tues. Patsy offered to care for the eight-year-old daughter of her next-door neighbor. She arrived in time to prepare breakfast, laying a generous helping of bacon and eggs in front of the child. "Mother always serves hot biscuits for breakfast," said the eight-year-old. <BR> <BR> So, Patsy, very eager to oblige, hurried into the kitchen and quickly prepared a plate of hot biscuits, which she laid in front of the girl. "No, thank you," she said. <BR> <BR> "But I thought you said your mother a... Wed, 30 Jul 2014 00:24:53 EST The Wit And Wisdom Of Joyce Meyer---Mon. Worry is useless, so why do it? <BR> -Joyce Mon, 28 Jul 2014 18:51:20 EST Happy Sunday! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Roses are my favorite flower! Sun, 27 Jul 2014 18:26:55 EST The Puzzle: A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by <BR> his little daughter, Kelly. Finally, he tore a sheet out of his <BR> magazine on which was printed the map of the World. <BR> <BR> Then tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Kelly, and said, <BR> "Go into the other room and see if you can put this together." <BR> He was sure that would keep her busy all afternoon! <BR> <BR> After only a few minutes, Kelly returned and handed him the <BR> map, correctly fitted together. ... Sat, 26 Jul 2014 20:03:38 EST The Wit And Wisdom Of Joyce Meyer---Fri. Always go to God first when you have a problem. Do not go to the phone. Go to the throne. <BR> <BR> Fri, 25 Jul 2014 19:05:44 EST The Wit And Wisdom Of Joyce Meyer---Thurs. You have the power to make your day better. It begins with changing what you're talking about. <BR> Thu, 24 Jul 2014 19:48:02 EST Today Is... National Hot Dog Day! Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:54:37 EST Smile Of The Day---Tues. Today is a great day, it's also a great time to SMILE :-) :-) :-) <BR> If you even smiled a little bit please pass a smile to someone eles. <BR> You could make their day :-) :-) :-) Tue, 22 Jul 2014 22:40:09 EST Today's Thought---MON. “When we are determined, positive and persistent, we don’t give up easily. We fight.:” Habibo Haji <BR> Mon, 21 Jul 2014 18:09:18 EST Smile Of The Day---Sun. The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. “Geez, are you lucky.” The cyclist says. <BR> <BR> “What do you mean by lucky?” The pedestrian angrily asks. “I got hurt really bad.” <BR> <BR> “Ah, you’re lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus.” <BR> Sun, 20 Jul 2014 18:33:24 EST I Know What Prayer Can Do... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Thank God, thank God, my DS texted me today and apologized for "some" of the things that he said. He also, said that we can continue spending time with the baby and that I'm a great GM. <BR> He is still angry at me, I will share later in a blog when it doesn't hurt so much, why. He still believes that I love his brothers more than I love him. O, so untrue. My heart aches, not for me, but that he actually fee... Sat, 19 Jul 2014 19:20:21 EST Today I Cried.... ...I never cry. I'm not a crier. But today I did. My 22 year old DS who is also the father of my DGS. told me that he doesn't want to see me anymore and that I can't see/keep the baby anymore. I went through this when he choose to stay with his father at the age of 16. [Because of the many lies he told my son, mainly because he no longer wanted to pay child support]. So yes this Mother.... <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 18 Jul 2014 18:17:29 EST Smile Of The Day---Fri. An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. <BR> <BR> A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. <BR> <BR> “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.” Thu, 17 Jul 2014 19:49:38 EST Smile Of The Day---Wed. A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to use the bathroom in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. <BR> <BR> He searched in vain for the rest rooms, but instead, all he found was a beautiful fountain with foliage. Nobody was watching, so he decided to take a go right there. When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act had already begun. <BR> <BR> He searched in the dark until he found his wife. “Did I miss much of the se... Wed, 16 Jul 2014 22:26:27 EST Smile Of The Day---Tues. The other night, my wife and I were going out for dinner. <BR> <BR> She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and said, “Does this look natural?” <BR> Tue, 15 Jul 2014 16:42:33 EST Today's Thought---MON. Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. -Pablo Picasso <BR> Mon, 14 Jul 2014 18:01:02 EST Today's Thought---SUN. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> This is exactly what the Spark plan is all about. <BR> So far on the plan, I've learned: <BR> * to drink 8 cups of h2o daily <BR> *eat at least 5 freggies daily <BR> +exercise at least 10 mins. daily---and work up from there gradually <BR> +I've overcome my night time snacking [yay] <BR> I accomplish all these daily and am working on new habits. <BR> <BR> Sun, 13 Jul 2014 20:15:44 EST Today's Thought---SAT. Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. -Babe Ruth <BR> <BR> Sun, 13 Jul 2014 00:00:16 EST Smile Of The Day---Fri. After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.” <BR> <BR> The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled,”Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!” <BR> Fri, 11 Jul 2014 16:57:51 EST Smile Of The Day---Thurs. A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?" <BR> <BR> Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it o... Thu, 10 Jul 2014 20:15:29 EST The Wit And Wisdom Of Joyce Meyer---WED. <img src=""> Wed, 9 Jul 2014 20:38:02 EST Smile Of The Day---Tues. A couple who’d been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, “Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?” <BR> <BR> He moved over and sat close to her. <BR> <BR> “Dear,” she continued, “do you remember how you used to hold me tight?” <BR> <BR> He reached over and held her tight. <BR> <BR> “And,” she went on, “do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?” <BR> <BR> With that, her husband got up and started to walk out o... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 17:08:20 EST Smile Of The Day---Mon. Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night, look at the moon.” <BR> <BR> The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend. “You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.” <BR> <BR> Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?” <BR> <BR> The third drunk looked a... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 19:13:37 EST The Wit And Wisdom Of Joyce Meyer---Sun. God is smarter than we are and He knows better than we do what we need. <BR> <BR> Sun, 6 Jul 2014 19:47:45 EST