GOOGIE1262's SparkPeople Blog GOOGIE1262's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Homework So my holiday season ends this evening and I am recommitted to getting healthy again once and for all. I was really loving the live meetings and am somewhat upset with Spark for getting rid of them..( you hear that Spark?). They were absolutely wonderful. I really loved Coach Krystie and found it a huge loss and even went off track. Luckily we have reconnected and I am thrilled to be working with her again. <BR> So I have take home assignments and I will be doing them here. <BR> <BR> TE... Tue, 9 Oct 2012 13:48:59 EST Deep Sigh.... Avoiding the Spark, and climbing uphill today. Holidays and dealing with my long standing issues had me off track. I was doing so well..lost at least 5 pounds...(from when I started weighing. )..The Jewish holidays bring so much pressure...emotional pressure that comes from years of guilt that is just to deep for a blog I guess. I am making so much progress in so many ways and truly feel that I will get it together..but something holds me back...and when it hits me it is fierce and I do alot... Sat, 6 Oct 2012 11:53:05 EST Another Motto to Add to my List... So I have been having a hard time totally recommitting....find myself stepping off, stepping on..not charting etc. Yesterday I was completely on and lost it at the supermarket. BAM..just like that. See a cupcake that I like and just don't think first. So I must go back to some of my tried and true mottos: <BR> <BR> 1. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION <BR> 2. SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE <BR> 3. EVERY DAY IS A NEW DAY <BR> and here is another one: <BR> <BR> Just remember...MORE DAYS ON THAT Y... Sat, 29 Sep 2012 10:07:45 EST Back to business Had a pretty good day today although not as perfect as I would have liked. Tomorrow will be better. I am committed to going forward. Maybe it is because I was exhausted from the day before (late night break fast ). Still, I have been better than I have been in years..I must stay on track, I will stay on track..FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! Thu, 27 Sep 2012 20:45:09 EST Another Round.... I will be signing out for a day...This time it is for another Jewish holiday called Yom Kippur..or The Day of Atonement. ..(actually , sundown Tuesday evening to Sundown Wednesday evening. ) No phones, no computers, nothing....just prayer and reflection and quiet. We also fast for 27 hours..I eating, drinking I have been eating more today but only healthy foods that won't drop my blood sugar too fast. I also gave up coffee about 6 days ago...which helps relieve the coff... Tue, 25 Sep 2012 16:37:51 EST Moving right along..... So I came home from work on Friday and have not left my house. That's was absolutely gorgeous this weekend..yet I spent the entire weekend sleeping and inside. Crazy , not own version. <BR> The it often is , was a huge trigger. I really kept it together until my Mom came..and then...all hell broke lose with the dessert. Notice I say dessert..not food. The food part is easy..but I stop eating food and just start eating dessert. I was allowing myself 1... Sun, 23 Sep 2012 22:08:38 EST Hanging in there. So today I have not left my house. Soul get back on track. Major sugar withdrawal headache had me sleeping most of the day. I'm used to the mission. By staying away from sugar and refined carbs I will feel stronger and better on the 3rd day. I will not give up. More days on that off is the motto. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION IS ANOTHER. Day 1 almost down. Sat, 22 Sep 2012 18:17:45 EST Lost it and need to get it back. So I have been avoiding Spark for I completely lost it. I was doing so well..even lost 3 pounds last week. I spent the weekend preparing for the Jewish Holidays and had a huge gathering for the Jewish New Year. Made tons of food and kept it together until the last minute. <BR> Then my mother came over. After a few hours I started fixating on dessert and it went down hill from there. Now I had planned to splurge during the 2 day holiday and then let it go. The problem is that the splurge has... Fri, 21 Sep 2012 21:31:57 EST 9-11 Thoughts My thoughts today are not about weight, although I am happy to report that I have stayed on track. <BR> As we all know today is the 11 year anniversary of 9-11. In NY we still feel it with tremendous intensity. We in NY all know someone who was in the towers , died , or has a family member or friend who died on that day. I was at work when we all got the news. My school overlooked Manhattan and we could see the 2nd tower fall from the 3rd floor of the building. I will never forget the sme... Tue, 11 Sep 2012 20:19:58 EST Weigh in SUCKS!!! Well, I weighed in on Thursday and I lost NOTHING. Yes..NOTHING...Now understand that I did not weigh in for 3 weeks. 3 Weeks ago I lost 2 pounds...then proceed to have one bad week and 2 very very good ones. This is typical of me. I am very disappointed. I left work and made sure to get myself a huge cupcake. This is also typical of me. I am never happy with what the scale says. I tend to really binge after seeing it. This time however, I have gotten back on quickly although it is tenuous. I... Sat, 8 Sep 2012 12:44:33 EST Weigh in So tomorrow morning I weigh in and I am pretty nervous. I hope I can sleep tonight for it is the first day of school tomorrow for students. I always have trouble sleeping the night before and the weigh in doesn't help. <BR> I have really improved. I was not perfect, but I believe that I have been good enough to have some success. Yet at the same time, the progress is slow and I know because even though my clothes are fitting better..they really should be falling off me. I do not want to wear ... Wed, 5 Sep 2012 22:03:55 EST Admitting to a Good Day I am completely uncomfortable with complimenting my success. I actually feel a pit in my stomach when I say, "I had a good day today." And I did have a good day today. I barely slept last night and was absolutely miserable when the alarm rang this morning. I just did not feel emotionally ready to return to work. Seeing everyone..saying all of the hellos...etc.. No one said that I look like I lost weight, because it is just not that much I guess. Despite my bad mood, I ate a good breakfast,... Tue, 4 Sep 2012 18:20:32 EST UGH This seems to be the word that explains how I am feeling today. The UGH is for many reasons: <BR> 1. So day 2 turned into 3 with an amazing barbecue. Usually barbecues are not really my thing. I don't find the food that thrilling and unless there is great dessert I can really keep it together. I am quite picky about my food...always with this notion that if it is not worth it why have it. It is dessert that is always the deal breaker. Even booze does not thrill me. I hate beer. Like HATE i... Mon, 3 Sep 2012 11:04:19 EST Slipping This weekend has been tough. I have really worked on staying committed to plan but I really struggle in any kind of social situation. I basically have to lock myself up in self imposed rehab to stay completely on track. <BR> <BR> So we had some lovely plans which took us to NYC to shows and restaurants. I made some good food choices...this is usually not the problem. I don't drink and save all extra points for dessert of course.The problem is that I never feel I can get enough dessert. <BR> ... Sun, 2 Sep 2012 10:49:26 EST Reconnecting and Review of Goals.... Here were the goals I set and how I am doing on them.... <BR> <BR> 1. I plan to weigh next on August 30th. My goal is to know and accept whatever weight loss their is. ( and their must be some weight loss for I am not even considering a gain.) I am afraid of the scale. The last time I got on it I lost 2 pounds..but that was weeks ago and I lost it with the eating after that. I tend to do that. My plan is to stay on track and accept whatever the amount is. If I stay on track it WILL go down ... Sat, 1 Sep 2012 11:13:31 EST Scale Expectations Hi All, <BR> <BR> So here I am, really in the zone. I have been staying in my calorie range, charting, blogging, and doing some walking. I planned to intensify my workouts and add yoga but unfortunately my back has been bothering me and I can't take the chance of having it get worse. I have been trying a ton of new recipes. I have a short term goal of shopping for an outfit. I am really doing the best I can. <BR> So why don't I get on the scale? I was supposed to get on it this week but I h... Tue, 28 Aug 2012 22:04:55 EST Taking it easy Woke up this morning with my back really bothering me. Last year at this time I was in such bad shape with my back that I had to take off 3 months from work. I slowly got better and was able to get married in February. I also dropped the first 30 pounds of weight. I would love to move and do what I used to but I just can't. Yes can't..Running 5K's and hardcore cleaning and walking my big dog is just out of the question. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I walked my 2 dogs together and they tend to go nut... Mon, 27 Aug 2012 10:28:06 EST Success! Hi Spark Friends, <BR> Major success on the behavior front. Yesterday my daughter and I headed out to my sister's so that everyone could spend some time with my daughter before she returns to college. My family tortures me before she comes home. Everyone wants a piece of her. She is a bit of a nomad (like many college students her age.). She is home for 5 days and has to get ready/pack and head back to college for her senior year. I try to accommodate and it is hard. What makes it the hardest... Sat, 25 Aug 2012 20:46:34 EST Extra Strength Needed Today So today my daughter and I will be venturing out to shop and have some mother daughter time. Together we have been working on getting healthy and losing some weight. She put on some during her summer away and is committed to getting back in shape. We are very good together. <BR> Today, however, can be stressful for both of us. Every time my daughter is home, my family starts bombarding us for time. My mother always makes me feel guilty that we don't spend enough time with her. My mother c... Fri, 24 Aug 2012 11:50:22 EST Committed but Nervous So for some reason I have not been feeling like I want to blog, yet in the spirit of keeping with my commitments, I must. It's not that I have nothing to say..I have PLENTY. Sometimes my mind is filled with so many thoughts..and I feel nervous that at any minute I am going to fall off the food deep end. Part of that may be TOM coming up. Part of it can be that my daughter is home and there is all the movement and change associated with her presence. My daughter's life is a whirlwind. She is... Thu, 23 Aug 2012 17:53:39 EST Updated I had to update my plan slightly due to the fact that jogging/running is just not an option with my back issues. The last time I push myself past the pain I ended up having to take a leave from work for 3 months. That was last year around this time and I am NOT going back to that place again. I do not want to tell myself that I can never run again..but the truth is that between the gymnastics and running I did when younger, it just would not be a good idea to attempt it at this point. When I... Sun, 19 Aug 2012 20:01:42 EST Update The good news is that I have been really committed on my "staycation" to all of the rules that I set for myself. I have followed everyone except that I had to stop the jogging program because of my back. It is just not doable. As for yoga, I will try it again in a couple of weeks, now that I am not jogging and just walking, I think I can try to add in the yoga. <BR> My eating has been excellent. On Friday, My husband and I went to see a great show in the city. For anyone planning on visit... Sun, 19 Aug 2012 19:36:07 EST Workout changes... So far so good with most of my goals. The questionable ones have to do with working out and my back. <BR> A year ago at this time my back was in such bad shape that I ended up taking a leave from work for 3 months. In 30 years I have never taken off except to have a baby. Up until that point I was working out with the intensity of a 25 year old and a good amount of excess weight. During my recovery time I did some swimming and other changes had me losing about 30 pounds. Now 40-50 are stil... Thu, 16 Aug 2012 08:53:30 EST STAYCATION TIME So today was the first day in a while that I got to sleep in. Vacation ..yeah. And I plan on making it a staycation filled with weight loss and lifestyle success. <BR> <BR> These are my goals for the week. <BR> <BR> 1. I plan to weigh in on August 30th. My goal is to know and accept whatever weight loss their is. ( and their must be some weight loss for I am not even considering a gain.) I am afraid of the scale. The last time I got on it I lost 2 pounds..but that was weeks ago and I los... Wed, 15 Aug 2012 11:25:06 EST A day of Success So today I am happy to report that I have had a very successful day. We took the students to Mc Donald's and I ordered a salad. My usual voice inside my head started thinking about whether I should stop on the way home for my usual treats. I was able to immediately silence it by reminding myself about how much I can't stand feeling so tired and sick from the "stop" I told myself that I am done, have had enough. I got home safely and even am cooking a new chicken recipe from Spark. I plan... Mon, 13 Aug 2012 17:30:43 EST The Plan... The plan I follow is not new. It is tried and true for me and as long as I follow it I will have success. Yet for the past 8 years I have completely lost sight of it. I am putting it on paper with the hopes that I will commit to it, once again. <BR> I have been struggling as usual and really lost it for the past 10 days. For me, losing it means actually stopping to eat regular food and then filling my days with my binge treats. The sugar addiction feeds itself and essentially it is like bei... Sat, 11 Aug 2012 14:00:10 EST New day new Start Horrific food day yesterday. I must lead it go and have a clean day today. I have prepared and am trying something a little different. My worst time of the day is when I finish work. Today I planned a snack for when I leave work. It could be a risky one but I am going to track my points and see if it would help the intense craving for something sweet when i leave work, without making me snowball. <BR> I really feel like giving up, but I am just not ready to give up my goal of getting to a ... Wed, 8 Aug 2012 07:15:34 EST Reconnecting with the old me... So our Spark meeting talk alot about visualization and what I will be like when we reach our goal. So after the meeting I started going through pics of what I used to look like. I was thinking of posting them on my Spark Page but it feels so strange. Like how will I ever get there again? <BR> Look, I know I am older and the pics are anywhere from 10-30 years ago. But still..this past 10 years is when my weight skyrocketed...It is not so far away for me to get in touch with those years. I do ... Sun, 5 Aug 2012 23:09:46 EST Mom, Guilt and Food My relationship with food is directly related to my relationship with my Mom. I know for many of us this is very common, although for many years I did not understand it. You see..for you young ones..this is one of the blessings of age. It has taken me many years to realize that my mother's depression and anxiety is so pervasive that it took its affect on both my sister and I in a variety of ways. (not to mention my brother who is a whole other story). <BR> Positive thinking was just not part ... Sat, 4 Aug 2012 17:42:13 EST Positive thinking I have been told that I must believe in myself. That I must change the way I think. That I have to think positive that I can do this. That I can lose the weight. That I can be back to the place I used to, feeling good. <BR> Yet negative thoughts haunt me. The constant hunger and the sense that I just cannot overcome the urge to eat the things I should not. <BR> I must think positive <BR> I can do this <BR> I will lose the weight <BR> I will do this <BR> I can do this <BR> I ca... Thu, 2 Aug 2012 23:49:07 EST Slipping..... Another day...I planned well and even brought my meal with me on a school trip where there would be no decent food opportunities to get. But as usual, all went well until I left work. <BR> <BR> I stopped on the way home to get fish to cook for dinner. This is where thinks get rough. You see...I have favorite sweets at favorite stores....and a day like just caught me off guard. I collected all of the the things I needed for cooking...and then there they were ..these special cooki... Tue, 31 Jul 2012 20:46:39 EST Falling down I am starting to get really depressed. It happens fast. I was somewhat on a roll, and even weighed in and lost 2 pounds last week. <BR> Then the party started. Every day is a struggle , and every day I get out of work and just want to lose it. I stay on track, but when I lose it , I lose it big. For the past 3 days I have just gone crazy. Stopped getting on the treadmill and feel consumed by the thought of my next treat. This is when things get bad. It's like every store I pass is another bi... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 20:20:26 EST Stolen from Honey Pot and Pea! Fun to share simple facts about each other...takes my mind away from the task at hand. For me, I am trying to treat my weight loss journey as I treat brushing my teeth....I JUST DO IT. <BR> <BR> Here goes..hope everyone joins in:) <BR> <BR> Thanks Honey and Pea:) <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> . WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? <BR> Yes, I was named after my Great Grandma Gussie. She was born and died in Poland. <BR> <BR> 2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? <BR> Yesterday, I cried when I ... Thu, 19 Jul 2012 20:19:39 EST Sunday wrap up. So this week ended with some positive lifestyle changes accompanied with some stressors. I am blogging in the hopes that I can get it all out on ...well..not paper..but "computer." How times have changed. <BR> First, I was weighed on Thursday and I did lose two pounds. I do not know my weight. I actually am having someone else trusted weigh me, for I just cannot deal with the number. However, I am working on staying accountable by knowing how much I have lost of gained. For me, like most , i... Sun, 15 Jul 2012 22:28:58 EST Lost it... UGH..was on a roll but just completely lost it. Now I have to get it back..quick! Fri, 13 Jul 2012 15:18:46 EST TGIF with preparation... So yesterday I weighed in and lost 2 pounds. I am trying not to be happy or sad because both set me off. Yes, I know I am crazy but I can say that here on SP, yes???..LOL. Remember...weight loss and staying on track needs to be like "brushing my teeth" just is. So the 2 pounds..well..they just are. Still, I guess I needed to own them in some way. <BR> This weekend my hubby and I are making a BBQ for some close friends. We have not gotten together with them since our wedding and plan... Fri, 13 Jul 2012 07:08:34 EST Fear of the BIG BAD SCALE So I am supposed to weigh myself this morning. It has been 2 weeks. I am avoider of the scale. The ramifications of a bad weigh in can completely derail my program. I am completely anxious right now with all of the possibilities. <BR> I have really been following the food plan, charting my food, and even got back on the treadmill. Nothing obsessive, just really committing to get back overall physical help. I did have a couple of days where I "indulged" but I have not gone on any incessant d... Thu, 12 Jul 2012 06:30:01 EST Nervous.. I have decided I am a strange one. I can't even understand where I am with this journey, all I know is that I am on it. <BR> Which brings me to my nerves...I plan to weigh in this Thursday. I am one of those people who actually avoids the scale at all costs. This did not work against me when I was younger. I actually maintained a fairly normal weight most of the time..with fluctuations here and there. I was able to do this with all of the tools that we talk about and with LOTs of excercise... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 19:52:59 EST The Morning After My natural inclination is to completely avoid this website. So I am calling on my Spark Friends not to let me. <BR> <BR> Yesterday someone from High School threw a 50th Birthday Party Bash at his house. Many of us have reconnected on FB and this trend started a few years ago. Like a mini reunion each year. My class is turning 50 this year..UGH. Still..I was really looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. I have been really on track and although I have not weighed myself in ... Sun, 8 Jul 2012 14:49:02 EST Summer school So today I returned to work for the start of summer school. You see , as the lucky, usually younger teachers with their babies take off for the summer, I opt to teacher summer school Being a teacher a students with special needs I get the option and take it for the money is just too good to pass up. Although it is much less stressful and I get to relax with friends and students, I am pining lately to take the time off. <BR> Being outside of the comfort of my four walls seems to give me more... Mon, 2 Jul 2012 18:16:21 EST Straight from the NY TIMES<BR>sunday/what-really-makes-us-fat.html?_r=1 <BR> <BR> Hi All,...First I would like to say that despite a few bumps in the road, I made it to my sister's and home without going off my program. This is pretty big for me since I am struggling with social events and food. Another reason why I want to share the above article which was in the NY TIMES today. You see, everything about that article makes sense to me, and if it can help anyone with their... Sun, 1 Jul 2012 20:21:42 EST Starting Day 3 Starting Day 3 Strong. Still I am so controlling about my environment and do not go out. Yet tomorrow we are meeting my sister and husband and another couple. We both just got married and plan on sharing our wedding pics/etc. Brunch of course. The good news is that my husband, sister and I are really watching our eating so everyone in the group are very health conscious. My husband even already planned his meal. He is a great support. It is a small step for me to go out and plan not to have a... Sat, 30 Jun 2012 13:03:31 EST Ups and Downs My first instinct when I "fall off the wagon" is to just disappear from the Spark. So today I am blogging despite the fact that I really just want to give up. If you are looking for a feel good blog ...STOP READING. My blog is filled with annoyance and complaints about my total inability to keep my act together in this journey. <BR> You see, if you would meet me in person, you would never know that I feel so terrible about this part of my life. In my youth, I was a cheerleader, did gymnast... Thu, 28 Jun 2012 09:06:14 EST It's been a while.... It's been a while since I have blogged..but figured it was time to add this dimension to my journey..again. I am desperately trying to add new tools without looking at what my overall goal is. This is extremely hard for me because I do not see the benefit of all of these tools unless I reach what is ultimately the goal. To lose the weight. <BR> I am gratefyl for the online support for I find little support in the real world. It seems that everywhere I go..the job, friends, family, are just ... Sat, 23 Jun 2012 15:21:52 EST The scale....friend or foe? For the first time in quite a while, I feel like I actually may finally lose this weight and get healthy. I have had two major events to end my New Year with. First, I got engaged to my boyfriend of almost 9 years. This means I will be having a wedding in a year to 18 months. Second, I finally realized, after many years of grief , guilt and therapy that my mother is really not capable of being the nurturing, supportive mother that I would wish and hope for, and that realization has help... Wed, 26 Jan 2011 21:01:49 EST The power of pets Hi All, <BR> <BR> I wonder how many out there are finding their pets to be a healthy part of their programs. I have been dealing with my food issues for years and can tell you anything you want to know about nutrition. I am the information queen! Yet, clearly it is not enough to know. So this time, I am trying to approach my program more globally. That means looking for ways to comfort and calm myself without food. <BR> Children first learn to comfort themselves through their significa... Sun, 16 Jan 2011 23:07:13 EST It's So Time I want so badly to feel comfortable in my eating. I am doing everything I need to do, but I don't feel comfortable in it. I want to....I guess I just have to keep acting as it. Fri, 14 Jan 2011 21:43:27 EST A Clean Day Today Phew...I made it through the first day and am working so hard to commit to continuing..Recently I was given some advice and had to cope with family members who unconsciously would rather see me miserable. My weight has always been the way I stay connected with her, specifically, because I feel guilty that I am really happy and she is so miserable. The advice was , every time I want to eat off plan, I should ask myself, "Do I really want to let her control me? " I guess it is about staying c... Tue, 11 Jan 2011 23:51:05 EST Why can't I get this together? It's been a while since I have been on Spark. Typical of me, I lose it and then just don't want to know or deal with the consequences. Before I know it, on totally off the wagon. Today I have been on a non-stop binge. I am planning on starting once again, to detox tomorrow and commit to losing this weight that I have loaded on. <BR> Funny, but my commitment level should be sky high! I just got engaged on New Year's Eve. Yet here I am , binging away. The mountain is so high it seems imp... Sun, 9 Jan 2011 00:00:32 EST Getting back "on the wagon." Any spark friends of mine, old or new, will quickly realize that when they don't "see" me doing my thing on Spark, that it is not a good sign. Staying connected here, committing to charting my food , is essential to my vision of getting to a healthy, good weight. <BR> So following a festive few days celebrating the Jewish New Year, I find myself getting back on the wagon, so to speak. The New Year is supposed to be a time of reflection, going to synagogue, and of course, family and eating... Tue, 14 Sep 2010 06:58:29 EST