GOANNA2's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=GOANNA2 GOANNA2's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Just joking! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5935443 Bill and John are sitting in a boat fishing and drinking beer <BR> when suddenly Bill says, <BR> <BR> "Think I am going to divorce the wife as she hasn't spoken <BR> to me for two months." <BR> <BR> John takes a long sip of beer and says, <BR> "Better think it over... <BR> women like that are hard to find!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>246</em> Always wondered what men talk about <BR> when they go fishing with the boys... Wed, 27 May 2015 23:21:22 EST Chuckles http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5934988 Police in Los Angeles had a stroke of good luck with a robbery <BR> suspect who couldn't control himself during a line up. <BR> <BR> Detectives asked each man in the line up to repeat the words, <BR> "Give me all your money or I'll shoot." <BR> <BR> One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, <BR> "That's not what I said!" Wed, 27 May 2015 07:17:48 EST PARAPROSDOKIANS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5933836 <BR> >> Paraprosdokians(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. <BR> <BR> >> 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. <BR> <BR> >> 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. <BR> <BR> >> 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. <BR> <BR> >> 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wro... Mon, 25 May 2015 07:52:56 EST A Reason. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5933386 <BR> Subject: A Reason <BR> <BR> Old age is coming at a really bad time! <BR> <BR> I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks! <BR> <BR> I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off! <BR> <BR> My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work. <BR> <BR> The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." <BR> <BR> I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice. <BR> <BR> ... Sun, 24 May 2015 09:13:02 EST More laughs. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5932325 I needed a good laugh after my fall on Wednesday. <BR> Just like that, while walking along the footpath I use every day <BR> for over three years to get to the Broadwater, I fell and found <BR> myself on all fours with skinned hands and knees and could not <BR> move. I was like a stunned mullet. Luckily a young Korean girl <BR> stopped and made sure I just sat and took deep breaths. <BR> She saw the mess on my hand and poured some warm tea on <BR> the right hand because there was a gravel ... Fri, 22 May 2015 03:17:32 EST Good for a laugh. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5929947 A minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures <BR> were being made. <BR> <BR> The first Sunday, he only preached for 10 minutes. <BR> <BR> The second Sunday, he preached for only 20 minutes. <BR> <BR> But, on the third Sunday, he preached for 1 hour and 25 minutes. <BR> <BR> When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded <BR> this way. <BR> <BR> "The first Sunday, my dentures were so sore it hurt to talk. <BR> <BR> The second Sunday, my dent... Mon, 18 May 2015 05:42:30 EST Joke of the Week. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5928433 On their 40th anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, <BR> Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits <BR> of a marriage of such long duration. <BR> <BR> "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful <BR> years with your wife?" <BR> <BR> Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. <BR> It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness, <BR> - and a great many other qualities ... Fri, 15 May 2015 05:30:43 EST Joke time. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5924660 Donald McDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at <BR> an English University and was living in the hall residence <BR> with all the other students there. <BR> <BR> After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit <BR> him, "And how do you find The English students, Donald?" <BR> she asked. <BR> "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. <BR> The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall <BR> and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and <BR>... Fri, 8 May 2015 07:13:36 EST My last week in pictures. Beautiful South East Queensland. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5922924 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2039064836.jpg">This was in Southport on ANZAC day. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l348526420.jpg">Found a crab on my walk on Saturday. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/8/l885942714.jpg">It was amazing to see hundreds of soldier crabs. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/6/l46074978.jpg">More crabs. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1302207655.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.spa... Tue, 5 May 2015 08:53:14 EST Here is some good advice. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5917789 <BR> I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday and I love today. <BR> <BR> Noah's Ark : <BR> Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark .. <BR> <BR> ONE : Don't miss the boat. <BR> <BR> TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat! <BR> <BR> THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. <BR> <BR> FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do <BR> something really big. <BR> <BR> FIVE : Don't listen to critics; just ... Sun, 26 Apr 2015 07:16:22 EST Who is 'green'? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5916791 Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment. <BR> The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days." <BR> <BR> The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations." <BR> <BR> The older lady said that she was right ... Fri, 24 Apr 2015 07:13:16 EST The Good Wife's Guide: 1950s http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5916295 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have <BR> a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you <BR> have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. <BR> Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of <BR> a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. <BR> <BR> 2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed <BR> when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and <BR> b... Thu, 23 Apr 2015 09:19:36 EST Have a chuckle. Touche! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5911051 <BR> Touche!! <BR> <BR> One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes <BR> in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' <BR> <BR> His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as <BR> <BR> a little '... Tue, 14 Apr 2015 09:04:02 EST Joke of the Week. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5909225 There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing <BR> all things mechanical. <BR> After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. <BR> Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. <BR> They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work <BR> but to no availIn desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many o... Sat, 11 Apr 2015 05:43:18 EST Update on Eva http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5904500 My friend's mum and sister are in Mexicali and have posted <BR> a heartwarming message that perfect strangers have taken <BR> them into their homes and are helping them get to the bottom <BR> of what happened. <BR> Thank you all for your condolences. Thu, 2 Apr 2015 23:30:47 EST Lesson well learnt. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5899841 A young doctor moved out to Victoria to replace a doctor who was retiring. <BR> The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. <BR> <BR> At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." <BR> The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?" <BR> <BR> As they left, the younger man s... Thu, 26 Mar 2015 05:32:09 EST The media has a lot to answer for the Body Image it demands. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5899243 I am so angry. A young lady who went to university with my son <BR> went to Mexico to have buttock enhancement surgery and she <BR> died. She was 29 years old and so beautiful, but she felt inadequate <BR> in the image of young women portrayed by the media and magazines. <BR> <BR> She had her whole life ahead of her. Something is amiss with the <BR> whole story because the clinic apparently reported that she died <BR> of cardiac arrest and were going to cremate her. Consular advice <BR> ale... Wed, 25 Mar 2015 07:44:04 EST Joke time. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5897299 A woman went to a doctor's office and was seen by one <BR> of the new doctors. <BR> <BR> But about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, <BR> screaming as she ran down the hall. <BR> <BR> An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, <BR> and when she explained, he had her sit down and relax in another <BR> room. <BR> <BR> The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded... <BR> <BR> "What's the matter with you? Mrs Terry is 63 years old, she has <... Sun, 22 Mar 2015 00:31:30 EST Learn to be grateful and non judgemental. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5894338 My boss drove a luxury car everyday and it was my duty to greet him and to open the gates for him, as I worked as a watchman in his villa. But he never responded back to my greetings. <BR> One day he saw me opening the garbage bags outside the villa in search for any left over food. But, as usual he never even looked at me, it was like as if he never saw anything! <BR> The very next day I saw a paper bag at the same place, but it was clean and the food inside was covered well. It was fresh ... Tue, 17 Mar 2015 01:00:18 EST Time for laughter. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5891470 An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property <BR> for many years. He had a dam in one of the low paddocks <BR> where he had planted mango and avocado trees. <BR> <BR> The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and <BR> he also had a picnic table placed there in the shade of the fruit trees. <BR> <BR> One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the dam with <BR> a bucket, to look it over and collect the fruit. <BR> <BR> As he neared the dam he could hear vo... Thu, 12 Mar 2015 00:56:08 EST One Day at a Time. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5882889 One day at a time~ <BR> this is enough as the years go by, <BR> Reminisce the past~ <BR> Don't Dwell on it~ <BR> For it has gone~ <BR> no need to reason why, <BR> Don't be concerned about the future~ <BR> it is yet to come, <BR> Live for the present and your life can be <BR> so beautiful~ <BR> for it has just begun. <BR> Cliff Coghlan Thu, 26 Feb 2015 05:50:19 EST HOW GOD WORKED IN SCHOOL?: fifth grade assignment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5877081 HOW GOD WORKED IN SCHOOL?: fifth grade assignment <BR> <BR> Fifth Grade Assignment <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look <BR> At TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways <BR> To communicate ideas about God. <BR> <BR> <BR> Here are some of the results: scroll down. <BR> <BR> <BR> God is like. <BR> BAYER ASPIRIN <BR> He works miracles. <BR> <BR> God is like. <BR> A FORD <BR> He's got a better idea.. <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 22:36:35 EST Snaps around South East Queensland. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5876498 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/7/l173250396.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1405790498.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l345610068.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/9/l690785348.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/7/l775562560.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1221411883.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l1085475889.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 01:18:05 EST Valentine's Day - Interesting Facts. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5875422 . In Victorian times it was considered bad luck to sign <BR> a Valentine's Day card. <BR> <BR> . 73 percent of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, <BR> while only 27 percent are women. <BR> <BR> . About 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets. <BR> <BR> . In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl <BR> to see who their Valentines would be. They would wear these names <BR> on their sleeves for a week. To wear yo... Sat, 14 Feb 2015 02:05:24 EST How much are you worth? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5873607 A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up <BR> a $20 note. In the room of 200 people, he asked. <BR> "Who would like this $20 note?" Hands started going up. <BR> <BR> He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, <BR> let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the $20 note. <BR> <BR> He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up <BR> in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" <BR> And he dropped it on the ground and started to gr... Wed, 11 Feb 2015 04:52:07 EST Just for laughs! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5872281 After being married for forty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. <BR> <BR> He looked at her for a while, then said: "You're an <BR> alphabet wife... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." <BR> <BR> She asks: "What the hell does that mean?" <BR> <BR> He said: "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, <BR> Gorgeous and Hot". <BR> <BR> She smiled happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about <BR> I, J, K?" <BR> <BR> He said: "I'm Just Kidding!" <BR> <BR> *... Mon, 9 Feb 2015 07:07:43 EST Things my mother taught me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5869801 My mother taught me logic..."If you fall off that swing and <BR> break your neck, you can't go to the shops with me." <BR> <BR> My mother taught me medicine..."If you don't stop crossing <BR> your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." <BR> <BR> My mother taught me ESP... "Put your jumper on; don't think <BR> that I know when you're cold?" <BR> <BR> My mother taught me to meet a challenge..."What were you <BR> thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!" <BR> <BR> M... Thu, 5 Feb 2015 05:03:36 EST There is a time for everything http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5868097 There is a time for everything, <BR> and a season for every activity under the heavens: <BR> a time to be born and a time to die, <BR> a time to plant and a time to uproot, <BR> a time to kill and a time to heal, <BR> a time to tear down and a time to build, <BR> a time to weep and a time to laugh, <BR> a time to mourn and a time to dance, <BR> a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, <BR> a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, <BR> a time to search and a time to g... Mon, 2 Feb 2015 18:14:05 EST Just for laughs! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5866315 A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order <BR> 'Chicken Surprise'. <BR> <BR> The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. <BR> <BR> Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot <BR> rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking <BR> around before the lid slams back down. <BR> <BR> "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. <BR> <BR> He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for <BR> it and a... Sat, 31 Jan 2015 05:35:37 EST Why? Why? Why? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5864262 I got halfway through typing my blog and it disappeared - Why? <BR> <BR> EMAILS come with all sorts of messages but it's always nice when <BR> they make the recipient laugh. <BR> <BR> Why? Why? Why? was originally an email but don't be surprised <BR> if you are treated to a belly laugh as you read Why? Why? Why? <BR> <BR> Why do people order a double cheeseburgers, large fries, and <BR> a diet Coke? <BR> <BR> Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens <BR> to the count... Wed, 28 Jan 2015 07:14:40 EST Joke of the week. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5856906 The city miser was on his death bed & as his last request, <BR> he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor and priest. <BR> <BR> "I know I am going to die," he said. "And I would like to take <BR> my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 <BR> and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin." <BR> <BR> It was a few days after the funeral when the priest, over flowing <BR> with guilt, confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 <BR> back. <BR> <B... Sun, 18 Jan 2015 07:14:10 EST Getting older http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5852367 I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, <BR> so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club <BR> and start exercising. <BR> <BR> I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. <BR> <BR> I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and <BR> perspired for an hour but, by the time I got my leotards <BR> on, the class was over. <BR> <BR> Hehehe <em>198</em> <em>381</em> <em>386</em> <BR> <BR> Mon, 12 Jan 2015 05:49:22 EST Someone is clever with words! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5850037 Sign over a Gynecologist's office <BR> "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." <BR> <BR> In a Podiatrist's office: <BR> "Time wounds all heels." <BR> <BR> On a Septic Tank Truck: <BR> Yesterday's Meals on Wheels <BR> <BR> At an Optometrist's office: <BR> "If you don't see what you're looking for, <BR> you've come to the right place." <BR> <BR> On a Plumber's truck: <BR> "We repair what your husband fixed." <BR> <BR> On another Plumber's truck: <BR> "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plu... Fri, 9 Jan 2015 06:47:45 EST Some photos to bring into the New Year. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5844424 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1314430118.jpg"> <BR> Fur seal, Dunedin <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/6/l369769939.jpg">Atop world's steepest street - Baldwin Street, Dunedin <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1226884010.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/6/l468916046.jpg"> <BR> Chocolate at Cadbury's factory, Dunedin <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1201052844.jpg"> <BR> <img src="ht... Sat, 3 Jan 2015 02:32:43 EST Joke of the week! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5839168 A wife and her husband were trying to sleep, but <BR> the next door neighbour's dog was barking. <BR> <BR> This had been going on for months. <BR> <BR> Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing <BR> them of sleep. <BR> <BR> Finally, the husband says, "I've had enough. I'm <BR> going to do something about this." <BR> <BR> So he gets up, puts on his robe and goes down stairs <BR> and out the back door. <BR> <BR> A little while later, he comes back. <BR> <BR> "What did you do? The dog... Sat, 27 Dec 2014 07:38:21 EST Reflecting on my 7 years with Spark. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5838604 I just wish to say that being on Spark has changed my life. <BR> <BR> I have made so many wonderful friends and can honestly say <BR> the friends have helped me through some dark days. <BR> <BR> I just want to say thank you all for your friendship and support. <BR> <BR> My weight has gone up and down, but I have not, and will not, give <BR> up on this wonderful journey of putting health first. <BR> <BR> I hope to be here for 7 + more years. <BR> Thank you for being part of my life. <B... Fri, 26 Dec 2014 01:43:56 EST Christmas Interesting Facts. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5837794 . Franklin Pierce was the first US President to have a Christmas tree <BR> in the White House. <BR> <BR> . The traditional three colours of Christmas are green, red and gold. <BR> Green has long been a symbol of life and rebirth; red symbolizes the <BR> blood of Christ, and gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty. <BR> <BR> . The three best known western names in China: Jesus Christ, <BR> Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley. <BR> <BR> . When Saigon fell, the signal for all... Wed, 24 Dec 2014 05:29:58 EST What's important as you age? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5837197 JACKIE, an elderly lady was standing at the rail of <BR> the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't <BR> blow away in the wind. <BR> <BR> Edward, a gentleman approaches her and says, <BR> "Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward but <BR> did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?" <BR> <BR> "Yes, I know," replies Jackie firmly. <BR> "But I need my hands to hold on to my hat." <BR> <BR> "But madam," remarks Edward, "you must know that <BR> your derriere is e... Tue, 23 Dec 2014 06:25:17 EST What's important as you age? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5837196 JACKIE, an elderly lady was standing at the rail of <BR> the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't <BR> blow away in the wind. <BR> <BR> Edward, a gentleman approaches her and says, <BR> "Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward but <BR> did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?" <BR> <BR> "Yes, I know," replies Jackie firmly. <BR> "But I need my hands to hold on to my hat." <BR> <BR> "But madam," remarks Edward, "you must know that <BR> your derriere is e... Tue, 23 Dec 2014 06:25:10 EST What's important as you age? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5837195 JACKIE, an elderly lady was standing at the rail of <BR> the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't <BR> blow away in the wind. <BR> <BR> Edward, a gentleman approaches her and says, <BR> "Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward but <BR> did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?" <BR> <BR> "Yes, I know," replies Jackie firmly. <BR> "But I need my hands to hold on to my hat." <BR> <BR> "But madam," remarks Edward, "you must know that <BR> your derriere is e... Tue, 23 Dec 2014 06:25:06 EST What's important as you age? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5837194 JACKIE, an elderly lady was standing at the rail of <BR> the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't <BR> blow away in the wind. <BR> <BR> Edward, a gentleman approaches her and says, <BR> "Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward but <BR> did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?" <BR> <BR> "Yes, I know," replies Jackie firmly. <BR> "But I need my hands to hold on to my hat." <BR> <BR> "But madam," remarks Edward, "you must know that <BR> your derriere is e... Tue, 23 Dec 2014 06:25:02 EST What's important as you age? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5837193 JACKIE, an elderly lady was standing at the rail of <BR> the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't <BR> blow away in the wind. <BR> <BR> Edward, a gentleman approaches her and says, <BR> "Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward but <BR> did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?" <BR> <BR> "Yes, I know," replies Jackie firmly. <BR> "But I need my hands to hold on to my hat." <BR> <BR> "But madam," remarks Edward, "you must know that <BR> your derriere is e... Tue, 23 Dec 2014 06:24:57 EST And then It is Winter http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5832655 AND THEN IT IS WINTER... <BR> <BR> THIS IS RIGHT ON THE NOSE. ........READ IT SLOWLY... I DON'T KNOW WHO WROTE IT, BUT I AM GUESSING IT WAS A SENIOR!!! I FIRST STARTED READING THIS EMAIL & WAS READING FAST UNTIL I REACHED THE THIRD SENTENCE. I STOPPED AND STARTED OVER READING SLOWER AND THINKING ABOUT EVERY WORD. THIS EMAIL IS VERY THOUGHT-PROVOKING. MAKES YOU STOP AND THINK. <BR> <BR> AND THEN IT IS WINTER You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the pass... Sun, 14 Dec 2014 03:01:52 EST Just joking! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5817595 A young blonde girl, in her late news and wanting to earn extra money <BR> for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and <BR> started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood. <BR> <BR> She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he <BR> had any odd jobs for her to do. <BR> <BR> "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch," he said. <BR> "How much will you charge me?" <BR> <BR> Delighted, the girl responded, "How about $50?" <BR... Sun, 16 Nov 2014 07:21:23 EST Be careful what you order in a restaurant! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5815330 A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order <BR> the "Chicken Surprise". <BR> <BR> The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded copper cast iron pot. <BR> <BR> Just as the wife was about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises <BR> slightly and she briefly sees two beady eyes looking around before <BR> the lid slams back down. <BR> <BR> "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. <BR> <BR> He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and <... Wed, 12 Nov 2014 07:06:46 EST Joke of the week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5811127 One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. <BR> <BR> He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. <BR> <BR> "I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said. <BR> <BR> The man thought for a moment, then said, <BR> "I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has <BR> ever succeeded at or ever attempted to do." <BR> <BR> "Poof," said the genie. <BR> <BR> "You're a housewife!" <BR> <BR> <em>198</em> Yes ladies, we do an awesome job! Wed, 5 Nov 2014 07:04:56 EST South East Queensland http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5809116 My friend and I visited the Palazzo Versace last week. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/4/l845643452.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1558219291.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1533711772.jpg"> <BR> then I took my friend from Switzerland to the tallest residential building on the Gold Coast, the Q1. 77 stories high.Night views. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/9/l791879999.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeop... Sun, 2 Nov 2014 07:01:29 EST Just a little laugh. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5804896 An expedition kayaker gets lost in a chain of deserted islands. <BR> Paddling well after sunset he finally camps on a sandy beach. <BR> <BR> He wakes up and notices the sand is dark red. <BR> The sky is dark red. <BR> He walks around and sees that there is dark red grass, <BR> dark red birds and dark red fruit on red trees. <BR> <BR> He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn <BR> dark red too. <BR> <BR> "Oh no!", he says, "I've been marooned!" <BR> <em>198</em> Sun, 26 Oct 2014 07:55:43 EST Daily Life and growing old! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5801960 I was minding my own business and I heard a lot of noise <BR> outside my living room window. it was the kids next door <BR> kicking a football into my little porch. I told them to please <BR> go to the back and use their back yard. <BR> <BR> The kids said sorry and left. Then a few minutes later I hear <BR> more noise and go outside and on my front lawn I see two males <BR> ready to start punching each other and it shook me up. This was <BR> at 5.30 pm and one man was swearing obscenities,... Tue, 21 Oct 2014 07:49:52 EST Moral of the story http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5801210 SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get <BR> their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. <BR> The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their <BR> stories. <BR> <BR> Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying <BR> hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the <BR> front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all <... Mon, 20 Oct 2014 01:34:29 EST