GOANNA2's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=GOANNA2 GOANNA2's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ What I want in a Man! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5963621 <BR> <BR> <BR> What I Want In A Man! <BR> Original List: (age 22) <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. Handsome <BR> 2. Charming <BR> 3. Financially successful <BR> 4. A caring listener <BR> 5. Witty <BR> 6.. In good shape <BR> 7. Dresses with style <BR> 8... Appreciates finer things <BR> 9. Full of thoughtful surprises <BR> <BR> <BR> What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) <BR> <BR> 1. Nice looking <BR> 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs <BR> 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner <BR> 4. ... Mon, 20 Jul 2015 08:19:50 EST Joke of the Week. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5961063 An old farmer and his wife were learning against the side <BR> of their pig pen when the old woman wistfully recalls that <BR> next week would be their golden wedding anniversary. <BR> <BR> "Let's have a party and let's kill a pig." <BR> <BR> The farmer scratched his grizzled head and finally said, <BR> <BR> "Gee, Ethel, I don't see why the pig should take <BR> the blame for something that happened 50 years ago." <BR> <BR> <em>198</em> <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Wed, 15 Jul 2015 07:21:20 EST Jokes of the week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5957890 A man was complaining to a friend about the state of his life. <BR> "I had it all," the man told his mate. <BR> "I had money, a beautiful house and a flash car. I even had <BR> the love of a beautiful woman, and then pow!!! Overnight it <BR> was all gone and I never knew what hit me." <BR> <BR> "What happened?' asked the friend. <BR> <BR> "My wife found out." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> ========================================<BR>= <BR> <BR> A man fainted on his driveway and a neighbour called... Thu, 9 Jul 2015 05:27:45 EST Joke of the Week. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5954738 Joe's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed <BR> to make her look years younger. After a lengthy time sitting before <BR> the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, <BR> "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" <BR> <BR> Looking at here carefully, Joe said, <BR> "Judging from you skin, 20, your hair, 18 and your figure, 25?" <BR> <BR> "Oh! you flatter" she gushed. <BR> <BR> "Joe said, "Wait a minute. I haven't added them all up yet!" <BR> <BR> <BR... Fri, 3 Jul 2015 02:35:06 EST A Senior moment. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5952089 An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. <BR> <BR> She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. <BR> <BR> The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got in... Sun, 28 Jun 2015 06:44:31 EST The History of the Last Post http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5950102 If any of you have ever been to a military funeral in which The Last Post was played; <BR> This brings out a new meaning of it. <BR> <BR> Here is something everyone should know. <BR> <BR> Until I read this, I didn't know, <BR> <BR> <BR> We have all heard the haunting song, 'The Last Post.' <BR> It's the song that gives us the lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes. <BR> <BR> But, do you know the story behind the song? <BR> If not, I think you will be interested to find out ab... Wed, 24 Jun 2015 06:17:07 EST Holy Humour http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5949434 A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, <BR> "I know what the Bible means!" <BR> <BR> His father smiled and replied, <BR> "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" <BR> <BR> The son replied, <BR> "I do know!" <BR> <BR> "Okay," said his father. <BR> "What does the Bible mean?" <BR> <BR> "That's easy, Daddy..."the young boy replied excitedly. <BR> "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Out of the mouths of babes as... Mon, 22 Jun 2015 22:18:25 EST Day trip to Byron Bay on a beautiful winter's day. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5947052 Today was beautiful and I am blessed to live on the East Coast. <BR> <BR> Here are some photos of magical Byron Bay and it's famous Lighthouse. <BR> Walked down to the point where a sign states it is the most Easterly part <BR> of Australia. The lighthouse was built in 1901 and stands atop a 94 metre cliff. <BR> We were lucky enough to spot some humpback whales and their calves frolicking playfully on their way north from Antarctica to the warmer waters of the Coral Sea They are magnificent... Thu, 18 Jun 2015 07:33:32 EST Interesting Facts, http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5946534 . The deadliest war in history excluding WWII was a civil war in China <BR> in the 1850s in which the rebels were led by a man who thought he <BR> was the brother of Jesus Christ. <BR> <BR> . There are 3 colours that don't rhyme with anything (silver, orange <BR> and purple. <BR> <BR> . On average, people who use their right hand live 9 years longer <BR> than people who use their left. <BR> <BR> . Scientists have determined that fungi are more closely related to <BR> hu... Wed, 17 Jun 2015 08:43:25 EST It hurts to be blonde http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5946321 A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts <BR> whenever she touches it. <BR> <BR> "Impossible." says the doctor. "Show me." <BR> <BR> She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. <BR> She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, <BR> and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with <BR> pain. <BR> <BR> The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" <BR> <BR> She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm natura... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 21:33:16 EST The lawn needs mowing! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5945385 A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, the lawn is getting quite long. Can you mow it?” <BR> <BR> The husband says, “What do I look like? Jim’s Mowing?” <BR> <BR> A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, the tyre is flat. I think we need a new one. Could you change it for me?” <BR> <BR> He says: “What do I look like? Bob Jane?” <BR> <BR> Another few days g... Mon, 15 Jun 2015 08:46:33 EST Ode to the Spell Checker http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5943816 Eye have a spelling checker <BR> It came with my pea sea <BR> It plainly marques four my revue <BR> Mistakes eye kin knot sea <BR> Eye strike a key and type a word <BR> And weight 4 it 2 say <BR> Weather eye am wrong oar write <BR> It shows me strait a weigh <BR> As soon as a mist ache is maid <BR> It nose bee fore two long <BR> And eye can put the error rite <BR> Its rare lea ever wrong <BR> Eye have run this poem threw it <BR> I am shore your pleased two no <BR> its letter perfect awl the w... Fri, 12 Jun 2015 03:56:42 EST Just joking! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5941586 An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter <BR> checks his dossier and not seeing his name there, accidentally <BR> sends him to Hell. It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes <BR> dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. <BR> <BR> He soon begins to design and build improvements,. Shortly thereafter, <BR> Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, <BR> the engineer is a pretty popular guy. <BR> <BR> One day, God calls Satan a... Mon, 8 Jun 2015 07:48:01 EST Just for laughs! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5939463 A mother was showing her young son how to zip up his coat. <BR> "The secret is to get the left part of the zip to fit into the right side <BR> before you zip it up." <BR> The boy looked quizzically at his mother. <BR> "Why does it have to be a secret?" <BR> <BR> <BR> ************************** <BR> <BR> A traffic officer pulls over a speeding motorist and says: <BR> "I've had a long day - if you give me a good excuse for speeding, <BR> I'll let you off." <BR> <BR> Quick as a flash the ... Thu, 4 Jun 2015 07:48:46 EST Jokes of the week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5936584 An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest <BR> in her paintings that were on display. <BR> <BR> "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. <BR> "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and <BR> wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told <BR> him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings." <BR> <BR> "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" <BR> <BR> "The gentleman was your doctor." <BR>... Sat, 30 May 2015 02:28:32 EST Just joking! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5935443 Bill and John are sitting in a boat fishing and drinking beer <BR> when suddenly Bill says, <BR> <BR> "Think I am going to divorce the wife as she hasn't spoken <BR> to me for two months." <BR> <BR> John takes a long sip of beer and says, <BR> "Better think it over... <BR> women like that are hard to find!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>246</em> Always wondered what men talk about <BR> when they go fishing with the boys... Wed, 27 May 2015 23:21:22 EST Chuckles http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5934988 Police in Los Angeles had a stroke of good luck with a robbery <BR> suspect who couldn't control himself during a line up. <BR> <BR> Detectives asked each man in the line up to repeat the words, <BR> "Give me all your money or I'll shoot." <BR> <BR> One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, <BR> "That's not what I said!" Wed, 27 May 2015 07:17:48 EST PARAPROSDOKIANS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5933836 <BR> >> Paraprosdokians(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. <BR> <BR> >> 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. <BR> <BR> >> 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. <BR> <BR> >> 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. <BR> <BR> >> 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wro... Mon, 25 May 2015 07:52:56 EST A Reason. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5933386 <BR> Subject: A Reason <BR> <BR> Old age is coming at a really bad time! <BR> <BR> I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks! <BR> <BR> I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off! <BR> <BR> My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work. <BR> <BR> The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." <BR> <BR> I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice. <BR> <BR> ... Sun, 24 May 2015 09:13:02 EST More laughs. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5932325 I needed a good laugh after my fall on Wednesday. <BR> Just like that, while walking along the footpath I use every day <BR> for over three years to get to the Broadwater, I fell and found <BR> myself on all fours with skinned hands and knees and could not <BR> move. I was like a stunned mullet. Luckily a young Korean girl <BR> stopped and made sure I just sat and took deep breaths. <BR> She saw the mess on my hand and poured some warm tea on <BR> the right hand because there was a gravel ... Fri, 22 May 2015 03:17:32 EST Good for a laugh. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5929947 A minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures <BR> were being made. <BR> <BR> The first Sunday, he only preached for 10 minutes. <BR> <BR> The second Sunday, he preached for only 20 minutes. <BR> <BR> But, on the third Sunday, he preached for 1 hour and 25 minutes. <BR> <BR> When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded <BR> this way. <BR> <BR> "The first Sunday, my dentures were so sore it hurt to talk. <BR> <BR> The second Sunday, my dent... Mon, 18 May 2015 05:42:30 EST Joke of the Week. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5928433 On their 40th anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, <BR> Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits <BR> of a marriage of such long duration. <BR> <BR> "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful <BR> years with your wife?" <BR> <BR> Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. <BR> It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness, <BR> - and a great many other qualities ... Fri, 15 May 2015 05:30:43 EST Joke time. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5924660 Donald McDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at <BR> an English University and was living in the hall residence <BR> with all the other students there. <BR> <BR> After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit <BR> him, "And how do you find The English students, Donald?" <BR> she asked. <BR> "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. <BR> The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall <BR> and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and <BR>... Fri, 8 May 2015 07:13:36 EST My last week in pictures. Beautiful South East Queensland. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5922924 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2039064836.jpg">This was in Southport on ANZAC day. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l348526420.jpg">Found a crab on my walk on Saturday. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/8/l885942714.jpg">It was amazing to see hundreds of soldier crabs. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/6/l46074978.jpg">More crabs. <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1302207655.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.spa... Tue, 5 May 2015 08:53:14 EST Here is some good advice. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5917789 <BR> I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday and I love today. <BR> <BR> Noah's Ark : <BR> Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark .. <BR> <BR> ONE : Don't miss the boat. <BR> <BR> TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat! <BR> <BR> THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. <BR> <BR> FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do <BR> something really big. <BR> <BR> FIVE : Don't listen to critics; just ... Sun, 26 Apr 2015 07:16:22 EST Who is 'green'? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5916791 Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment. <BR> The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days." <BR> <BR> The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations." <BR> <BR> The older lady said that she was right ... Fri, 24 Apr 2015 07:13:16 EST The Good Wife's Guide: 1950s http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5916295 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have <BR> a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you <BR> have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. <BR> Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of <BR> a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. <BR> <BR> 2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed <BR> when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and <BR> b... Thu, 23 Apr 2015 09:19:36 EST Have a chuckle. Touche! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5911051 <BR> Touche!! <BR> <BR> One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes <BR> in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' <BR> <BR> His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as <BR> <BR> a little '... Tue, 14 Apr 2015 09:04:02 EST Joke of the Week. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5909225 There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing <BR> all things mechanical. <BR> After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. <BR> Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. <BR> They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work <BR> but to no availIn desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many o... Sat, 11 Apr 2015 05:43:18 EST Update on Eva http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5904500 My friend's mum and sister are in Mexicali and have posted <BR> a heartwarming message that perfect strangers have taken <BR> them into their homes and are helping them get to the bottom <BR> of what happened. <BR> Thank you all for your condolences. Thu, 2 Apr 2015 23:30:47 EST Lesson well learnt. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5899841 A young doctor moved out to Victoria to replace a doctor who was retiring. <BR> The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. <BR> <BR> At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." <BR> The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?" <BR> <BR> As they left, the younger man s... Thu, 26 Mar 2015 05:32:09 EST The media has a lot to answer for the Body Image it demands. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5899243 I am so angry. A young lady who went to university with my son <BR> went to Mexico to have buttock enhancement surgery and she <BR> died. She was 29 years old and so beautiful, but she felt inadequate <BR> in the image of young women portrayed by the media and magazines. <BR> <BR> She had her whole life ahead of her. Something is amiss with the <BR> whole story because the clinic apparently reported that she died <BR> of cardiac arrest and were going to cremate her. Consular advice <BR> ale... Wed, 25 Mar 2015 07:44:04 EST Joke time. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5897299 A woman went to a doctor's office and was seen by one <BR> of the new doctors. <BR> <BR> But about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, <BR> screaming as she ran down the hall. <BR> <BR> An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, <BR> and when she explained, he had her sit down and relax in another <BR> room. <BR> <BR> The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded... <BR> <BR> "What's the matter with you? Mrs Terry is 63 years old, she has <... Sun, 22 Mar 2015 00:31:30 EST Learn to be grateful and non judgemental. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5894338 My boss drove a luxury car everyday and it was my duty to greet him and to open the gates for him, as I worked as a watchman in his villa. But he never responded back to my greetings. <BR> One day he saw me opening the garbage bags outside the villa in search for any left over food. But, as usual he never even looked at me, it was like as if he never saw anything! <BR> The very next day I saw a paper bag at the same place, but it was clean and the food inside was covered well. It was fresh ... Tue, 17 Mar 2015 01:00:18 EST Time for laughter. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5891470 An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property <BR> for many years. He had a dam in one of the low paddocks <BR> where he had planted mango and avocado trees. <BR> <BR> The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and <BR> he also had a picnic table placed there in the shade of the fruit trees. <BR> <BR> One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the dam with <BR> a bucket, to look it over and collect the fruit. <BR> <BR> As he neared the dam he could hear vo... Thu, 12 Mar 2015 00:56:08 EST One Day at a Time. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5882889 One day at a time~ <BR> this is enough as the years go by, <BR> Reminisce the past~ <BR> Don't Dwell on it~ <BR> For it has gone~ <BR> no need to reason why, <BR> Don't be concerned about the future~ <BR> it is yet to come, <BR> Live for the present and your life can be <BR> so beautiful~ <BR> for it has just begun. <BR> Cliff Coghlan Thu, 26 Feb 2015 05:50:19 EST HOW GOD WORKED IN SCHOOL?: fifth grade assignment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5877081 HOW GOD WORKED IN SCHOOL?: fifth grade assignment <BR> <BR> Fifth Grade Assignment <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look <BR> At TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways <BR> To communicate ideas about God. <BR> <BR> <BR> Here are some of the results: scroll down. <BR> <BR> <BR> God is like. <BR> BAYER ASPIRIN <BR> He works miracles. <BR> <BR> God is like. <BR> A FORD <BR> He's got a better idea.. <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 22:36:35 EST Snaps around South East Queensland. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5876498 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/7/l173250396.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1405790498.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l345610068.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/9/l690785348.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/7/l775562560.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1221411883.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/l1085475889.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 01:18:05 EST Valentine's Day - Interesting Facts. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5875422 . In Victorian times it was considered bad luck to sign <BR> a Valentine's Day card. <BR> <BR> . 73 percent of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, <BR> while only 27 percent are women. <BR> <BR> . About 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets. <BR> <BR> . In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl <BR> to see who their Valentines would be. They would wear these names <BR> on their sleeves for a week. To wear yo... Sat, 14 Feb 2015 02:05:24 EST How much are you worth? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5873607 A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up <BR> a $20 note. In the room of 200 people, he asked. <BR> "Who would like this $20 note?" Hands started going up. <BR> <BR> He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, <BR> let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the $20 note. <BR> <BR> He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up <BR> in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" <BR> And he dropped it on the ground and started to gr... Wed, 11 Feb 2015 04:52:07 EST Just for laughs! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5872281 After being married for forty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. <BR> <BR> He looked at her for a while, then said: "You're an <BR> alphabet wife... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." <BR> <BR> She asks: "What the hell does that mean?" <BR> <BR> He said: "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, <BR> Gorgeous and Hot". <BR> <BR> She smiled happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about <BR> I, J, K?" <BR> <BR> He said: "I'm Just Kidding!" <BR> <BR> *... Mon, 9 Feb 2015 07:07:43 EST Things my mother taught me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5869801 My mother taught me logic..."If you fall off that swing and <BR> break your neck, you can't go to the shops with me." <BR> <BR> My mother taught me medicine..."If you don't stop crossing <BR> your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." <BR> <BR> My mother taught me ESP... "Put your jumper on; don't think <BR> that I know when you're cold?" <BR> <BR> My mother taught me to meet a challenge..."What were you <BR> thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!" <BR> <BR> M... Thu, 5 Feb 2015 05:03:36 EST There is a time for everything http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5868097 There is a time for everything, <BR> and a season for every activity under the heavens: <BR> a time to be born and a time to die, <BR> a time to plant and a time to uproot, <BR> a time to kill and a time to heal, <BR> a time to tear down and a time to build, <BR> a time to weep and a time to laugh, <BR> a time to mourn and a time to dance, <BR> a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, <BR> a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, <BR> a time to search and a time to g... Mon, 2 Feb 2015 18:14:05 EST Just for laughs! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5866315 A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order <BR> 'Chicken Surprise'. <BR> <BR> The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. <BR> <BR> Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot <BR> rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking <BR> around before the lid slams back down. <BR> <BR> "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. <BR> <BR> He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for <BR> it and a... Sat, 31 Jan 2015 05:35:37 EST Why? Why? Why? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5864262 I got halfway through typing my blog and it disappeared - Why? <BR> <BR> EMAILS come with all sorts of messages but it's always nice when <BR> they make the recipient laugh. <BR> <BR> Why? Why? Why? was originally an email but don't be surprised <BR> if you are treated to a belly laugh as you read Why? Why? Why? <BR> <BR> Why do people order a double cheeseburgers, large fries, and <BR> a diet Coke? <BR> <BR> Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens <BR> to the count... Wed, 28 Jan 2015 07:14:40 EST Joke of the week. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5856906 The city miser was on his death bed & as his last request, <BR> he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor and priest. <BR> <BR> "I know I am going to die," he said. "And I would like to take <BR> my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 <BR> and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin." <BR> <BR> It was a few days after the funeral when the priest, over flowing <BR> with guilt, confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 <BR> back. <BR> <B... Sun, 18 Jan 2015 07:14:10 EST Getting older http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5852367 I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, <BR> so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club <BR> and start exercising. <BR> <BR> I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. <BR> <BR> I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and <BR> perspired for an hour but, by the time I got my leotards <BR> on, the class was over. <BR> <BR> Hehehe <em>198</em> <em>381</em> <em>386</em> <BR> <BR> Mon, 12 Jan 2015 05:49:22 EST Someone is clever with words! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5850037 Sign over a Gynecologist's office <BR> "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." <BR> <BR> In a Podiatrist's office: <BR> "Time wounds all heels." <BR> <BR> On a Septic Tank Truck: <BR> Yesterday's Meals on Wheels <BR> <BR> At an Optometrist's office: <BR> "If you don't see what you're looking for, <BR> you've come to the right place." <BR> <BR> On a Plumber's truck: <BR> "We repair what your husband fixed." <BR> <BR> On another Plumber's truck: <BR> "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plu... Fri, 9 Jan 2015 06:47:45 EST Some photos to bring into the New Year. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5844424 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1314430118.jpg"> <BR> Fur seal, Dunedin <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/6/l369769939.jpg">Atop world's steepest street - Baldwin Street, Dunedin <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1226884010.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/6/l468916046.jpg"> <BR> Chocolate at Cadbury's factory, Dunedin <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1201052844.jpg"> <BR> <img src="ht... Sat, 3 Jan 2015 02:32:43 EST Joke of the week! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5839168 A wife and her husband were trying to sleep, but <BR> the next door neighbour's dog was barking. <BR> <BR> This had been going on for months. <BR> <BR> Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing <BR> them of sleep. <BR> <BR> Finally, the husband says, "I've had enough. I'm <BR> going to do something about this." <BR> <BR> So he gets up, puts on his robe and goes down stairs <BR> and out the back door. <BR> <BR> A little while later, he comes back. <BR> <BR> "What did you do? The dog... Sat, 27 Dec 2014 07:38:21 EST