GIRLUNDEFEATED's SparkPeople Blog GIRLUNDEFEATED's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Where Have I Been?! Good evening Sparkpeoples! <BR> <BR> First of all, it has been WAY too long! I apologize for dropping off the face of the earth, I kind of just got to this weird point that I just couldn't handle it anymore, any of it, all of it, everything. I am now sitting at about 290lbs (as of last weigh in), this is the heaviest that I have ever been and honestly I am ashamed that I let myself get to this point, but that is irrelevant. <BR> <BR> My health has been a roller coaster ride from hell, but... Sat, 19 Apr 2014 22:37:55 EST 242 And Discouraged Weighed myself, saw that number: 242. Not a huge surprise actually, because I have been gaining and getting closer and closer. My highest weight ever was 248 and I promised myself that I would never go back to this place. Yet here I am, standing right at the edge. <BR> <BR> I feel ugly. I feel unhealthy. I feel fat. I feel worthless. <BR> <BR> How could I let this happen? With everything else that I have going on, I do not need to be worrying about my fat making everything worse. Yet here ... Sun, 23 Jun 2013 03:53:38 EST Changing My Focus Well friends, I have been pretty absent lately, but it was a necessary absence. A time to go through some things, sort some things out, and adjust my focus. <BR> <BR> It looks like I am not going to be able to make it my friends wedding in August, I am VERY sad to miss it. But the truth is that I really just don't have the financial ability and add to that the physical stress and it just isn't going to happen. One of those bitter moments, when you just have to accept that the answer is no. ... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 18:46:20 EST Joy And Motivation It has been a really wild month. After some rather invasive medical tests, I ended up going into a severe flare, which I am still battling (yes, for the entire month). I have more medical stuff coming up, but for once I got some really wonderful news. <BR> <BR> One of my dearest friends wrote to me and asked if I would want to be in her wedding party in August. I am so excited to be able to be by her side when she marries the man she loves! Though, of course, the second thing to pop into my... Sat, 20 Apr 2013 03:26:21 EST Official January Jumpstart Results!! Today became my official weigh in, progress picture, and measure in day! I am so excited by my results. These come from two weeks of the January Jumpstart in January, then time off for surgery in which I tried not to go overboard with food, and then four more weeks of January Jumpstart, plus almost one week of regular workouts (as the end of JJ landed on my TOM). <BR> <BR> Okay! Now with the fun stuff!! <BR> <BR> Starting Weight: 228.2 <BR> Ending Weight: 217.8 <BR> Weight Lost: 10.4lbs (W... Tue, 19 Mar 2013 17:15:49 EST Results, Rants, and Reactions. Well, today was it! The final day of the January Jumpstart. Originally I was going to weigh in, measure in, and take progress pictures, but sadly the end of the challenge fell directly on TOM, so my 4 pounds of water weight and slightly shocking amount of bloat is not going to show my true results. So I am going to wait and will post those later. The reality is that I feel really good! All of my clothes are fitting better, including fitting into a shirt that was WAY too tight this time last m... Mon, 11 Mar 2013 20:11:51 EST Healing And Jumping Back On The Bandwagon The past three weeks has been quite the roller coaster! I had my initial surgery on the 21st of January, spent two weeks with wires coming out of my back, and ultimately had to face the reality that the surgery failed to help. In fact, it actually made me worse in more than one way. So on the 4th of this month I had a second surgery to remove the wires, which was hands down the best decision. My doc is putting me on a few new meds and we are going to try those out for a couple of months, whil... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 13:29:38 EST Post Surgery Update I had my first surgery on the 21st up in St. Louis, the surgery itself went well enough, no real issues, but the recovery has been a real struggle! From the day of the surgery I was extremely nauseous and in a lot of pain, then, of course, the more pain meds we added the more sick to my stomach I became. Today is the first day that I really haven't been all that nauseous, but I still have barely any appetite to speak of. I went off almost all of my pain meds to try to help with the feeling si... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:32:51 EST Sort Of Almost Not About My Health Good Evening All! <BR> <BR> I am trying to make an effort to write a blog that is not entirely about my health, but first, I will update on my health. :) <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is my preoperative appointment and then about a week later is my first surgery, then if that works a couple weeks after that will be my second surgery. Sadly this is basically just a hold over, something that we are hoping will stabilize me enough to put off the big stuff for a while. I am not holding my breath that it... Fri, 11 Jan 2013 00:11:05 EST Latest Health Update Hello all! <BR> <BR> Thursday was my second doctors appointment and quite an appointment it was. He changed my medications again, taking me off the last drug that was keeping me from sleeping and placing me on some pain medication, for which I am VERY grateful. I will also find out middle of next week when I will be having the first of two more surgeries. These will be much more serious surgeries, but will hopefully allow me to even out enough to begin working again, finish school, and delay... Sat, 29 Dec 2012 04:21:47 EST Quick Health Update! Things have been in a great state of upheaval since my doctors appointment. He added a med to my daily regimen and it has done nothing except mess with my sleeping and make me dizzy, though as usual I still hold out hope for the miracle cure. Then today I was contacted by his office and informed that they have found indicators in certain of my tests that I might have a severe infection, possibly even into my kidneys (aren't the lack of absolutes reassuring!?), so he is putting me on a weeks w... Wed, 12 Dec 2012 23:10:32 EST Not Eating. Hello everyone! <BR> <BR> Sorry it has been so long since my last update, things have just been a little usual. <BR> <BR> My appointment with the specialist is next week and I am so incredibly anxious for it to get here and for things to get rolling. The waiting and the wondering is the hardest part. I have also been struggling more and more with my health issues and I am hoping desperately that this doctor will be able to provide me some kind of relief. <BR> <BR> As far as the... Tue, 27 Nov 2012 19:19:43 EST New Day 1/62 (Weight Loss Time Baby!!) I am excited, I am determined, I am feeling the pinch of a deadline. I have 62 days before I go see the "super specialist" (the one in St. Louis), though this feels like an incredibly long time, I have decided to view it from the other side. I ONLY HAVE 62 DAYS!! I am going to dive headlong back into my weight loss efforts and push for my goal of 190 by my appointment. I am not sure that I can lose that much, but I am aiming high and would be content to be a few pounds away. <BR> <BR> I am ... Fri, 5 Oct 2012 23:58:27 EST WLBS - Day 21/80 The Binge and The Panic Technically it is 12:28AM, so this blog is actually for yesterday. <BR> <BR> Today was a difficult day. It started off good with a miraculous six hours of sleep last night, but that was quickly followed by bouts of intense pain, an embarrassing struggle to sit through church, and then a binge. Sigh. Yes, you read that right. Even knowing everything that I am losing weight for right now, knowing that it is either this or waiting even longer for a surgery that could finally give me back my lif... Mon, 1 Oct 2012 01:52:01 EST WLBS - Day 18/80 My Good News! Hello everyone! <BR> <BR> This week has been both a rough week and a good week. I survived my two treatments and have only three more to go before I am done and I also finally found out where I am headed after I finish the treatments! I am getting referred to someone that I am dubbing a "super specialist" at Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis, MO. I was super excited when the nurse told me, because if I could have picked anywhere to go, that would have been it! Barnes is considered one of t... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:57:28 EST Weight Loss Before Surgery - Day 11/80 (More News) Today marks the beginning of the downhill slide to the end of my treatments. I have completed seven and have five more to go. Today my nurse delivered news from my uro, because the treatments aren't working and the pain, etc. are only ramping up as time goes on, he feels that the severity of my condition has moved beyond his ability to treat. He gave me the option to stop the treatments now, but I chose to complete them for the sake of insurance. After the end of the six weeks (I only have tw... Thu, 20 Sep 2012 15:43:33 EST Weight Loss Before Surgery - Day 8/80 (Big Decision) First of all, the weight loss is going great. I am sticking to my plan, despite a couple of slips. I am determined to see this through, it helps knowing that I have to face my doctors. One thing at a time ya know. <BR> <BR> I am facing a tough decision, one that I am not ready for, one that terrifies me. I have decided to take a medical leave from work. It is not fair to them that I keep calling in, but I can't do it anymore, the pain is too much. I can't help but feel like a complete failu... Tue, 18 Sep 2012 02:29:09 EST Weight Loss Before Surgery - Day 1/80 Well, lets just say that things are not going well. My health has been even more unsteady and the treatments don't seem to be working, which has put me on the road to some difficult choices, as well as, major surgery. I am not looking forward to going through any of this, but if it will bring relief than I am more than game to endure the process. <BR> <BR> There is one thing that I can say for enduring extreme pain on a daily basis and having surgery looming in the distance, it is a real ki... Mon, 10 Sep 2012 12:32:09 EST Today Was The First Day....That I Ran! Ok, so today is not the first day I have ever run in my life or even ever run for fitness, but it certainly feels like it. Why? Because today was the first day that SP has ever recognized what I did as running! I owe this in part to a little piece of wisdom randomly thrown out into the cyber universe by a more experienced runner. <BR> <BR> Let me start from the beginning, I had made plans about a week ago to start the C25K, yet another attempt to begin running. I needed something that I woul... Sun, 26 Aug 2012 18:12:00 EST If You Could Be Praying. Went to the doc this morning, we discussed the difficulties that I have been having and shared our disappointment that the surgery was not successful. Then he gave me the news that I have been dreading, it is time to check another treatment option off the list. I know that part of the process of any health problem is exhausting every possible method of treatment, this is just one of the methods that I was hoping to avoid. So today I got home, crawled into bed, cried for a while, slept for a c... Thu, 23 Aug 2012 18:51:24 EST A, B, C, D.....Somethin, Somethin, Somethin Wow, so obviously I have been quite the procrastinator as far as blogging! Life has been really..interesting. I will break this up into pieces, lets begin with health. <BR> <BR> Health Update: <BR> <BR> I had my surgery which went fine, nothing new was found which was good, the only problem being that we now know that the surgery didn't work, in fact, it seems to have made certain aspects worse. Sigh. So here comes a whole bunch of scary stuff, but I know that God is in control and He is ... Tue, 21 Aug 2012 01:36:16 EST You Are Supposed To Be Fat And Insecure!!! Today ended up being a rather odd day. I had to go to my pre-op appointment at the hospital and the oddness began with my brother loaning me his car to make the trip. He has kind of a snazzy car and I was excited about driving it. So in a random moment I decided that I was going to dress up for today, just because I felt like it. So I donned a lacy black cami under a cute pink plaid tunic, then I made a gutsy move, I decided to wear my one and only pair of *gasp* skinny jeans! I haven't worn ... Fri, 13 Jul 2012 01:33:16 EST Health Update! Hey everyone, first of all, I would like to say a massive thank you to everyone who commented on my last blog. I actually felt bad about posting it and embarrassed about telling people what I was doing, but I am so incredibly glad that I did! It means a lot to know that I am not alone, you guys are all so awesome!! <BR> <BR> Secondly, I went to my urologist today. It was difficult and embarrassing, particularly since I started crying mid appointment, but my urologist is one of the best doct... Wed, 11 Jul 2012 11:52:44 EST Today I Binged There is no explanation, no excuse. I binge, because I can. <BR> <BR> Lunch did not exist today, I have been binging since breakfast. Nausea set in hours ago, but it has done little to stop me, nothing stops me during these days. My mind shuts off and everything fades into the background, even the food. I could be eating mud right now and I doubt I would recognize it, let alone care. This is the only time when the world is quiet, it is just me and this simple act. I hide myself, my binging,... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 18:51:35 EST Quick Question to walk/runners I began the 5K Your Way Walk/Jog plan again today (I started before but quit due to some health stuff that I am now getting under control). I am determined to see it through. Even if I can't lose a lot of weight right now, I can still accomplish things and this is something that I have always wanted to accomplish. Anyway, my question is this, I run at a turtles pace and I accept this, but I DO run, the problem is that when I track the workout through the 5KYW plan it always comes out in my fi... Tue, 3 Jul 2012 18:32:09 EST Warning: Serious Rant To Follow <em>230</em> This has been a long time coming, if you can't handle it then move on, cause I am in the mood to debate your skinny, self righteous, ignorant, generalizing, idiotic self into the dirt, which at this moment would probably be too good for you. <BR> <BR> How dare you? You don't know anything about me, you don't know my life, my story, my history, what I have been through, what I have survived, who I am! You make a thousand assumptions just by glancing at the extra fat rolls that... Tue, 3 Jul 2012 16:51:29 EST Is It Ok To Not Exercise? Let me make myself clear, is it OK to not exercise for right now? <BR> <BR> Today was my day off, a slow day, a day of resting. I didn't have to work, I didn't have to run anywhere, I had a Burn Notice marathon to watch (the new season starts tonight!), I could basically just do whatever I wanted and relax. So given all of this information, how did my day go? To put it was absolutely horrible. I had all of these plans, I was so looking forwards to finally getting a real day off... Thu, 14 Jun 2012 21:21:40 EST Quick Update On Health Monday morning I went in and got stuck for the three millionth time to check the progress on my thyroid. That evening I got the update at work, it is improving, but I am still not even in normal range. So my doc is upping my dose and we draw again in six weeks to look for improvement. <BR> <BR> I am hopeful that this increased dose will do the trick and get my body back on a more even keel. Maybe I will even be able to lose some weight! Ha. Yeah. <BR> <BR> I am also slowly trying to talk ... Wed, 13 Jun 2012 16:30:29 EST Is My Body Perfect? Nope. Yep, here I am, blogging at one in the morning, but I have been thinking and I felt like blogging about it. <BR> <BR> Regardless of all of the issues that have been going on with me, I promise I am not nearly as depressed as I sometimes sound, SP is just a great vent for me, a place that I can talk about all of these ridiculous things that we go through in life to people who often understand where I am coming from. Thanks for listening even when I get all depressy or mood swingy. <BR> <BR... Mon, 11 Jun 2012 02:24:04 EST Life as Ms. Invisible Ok. First of all, I would like to apologize for disappearing for a few days, had to focus on keeping my head on straight there for a while, but I am back now and a little more unfocused. Ha! Yeah. <BR> <BR> This blog will consist of two parts, the first will be an update on my life/weight stuff, the second will be a semi rant. Feel free to skip around as you choose. <BR> <BR> Update: Well, my one month challenge has not exactly been going as planned, but I wouldn't call it a bust. I have... Sat, 9 Jun 2012 01:58:19 EST My One Month Challenge (The Tape Measure Doesn't Lie) Yesterday ended roughly and today was equally difficult, topped off by a lunch that became a full on binge (easily topping the 2000-3000 calorie mark in one sitting...yikes!). It is ridiculous, because I have been so frustrated with my weight not budging, but I know that I really haven't been doing that great with my eating, so of course my weight isn't going anywhere! Thus I was inspired to try something, to see if these meds have helped to get my body going again, and to see if I can in fac... Sat, 2 Jun 2012 00:45:59 EST A Random Blog For A Random Day (Please be aware that I am writing this at midnight, so this is actually the blog for Wednesday the 30th.) <BR> <BR> Today was a very odd day. It involved a lot of running around driving for people, running errands, but it all began with a very odd interview. I interviewed for another job at a local hospital and it was the strangest interview I have ever been to (and I have been to a lot of interviews)! The woman who was actually interviewing me asked me all of three questions and spent mayb... Thu, 31 May 2012 01:06:23 EST Giving Up Excuses and Making Headway Yes, I know it has only been a few days, but I am really excited. First of all, I would just like to say thank you to the lovely sparkers who responded to my last blog and gave me the ideas that I have been putting into practice. I realized that I was making excuses yet again and it really does come down to how badly I want this and what I am be willing to do to get there. I also realized that maybe the same plain old eating plan just wasn't going to cut it for me. I did great during the day ... Mon, 28 May 2012 15:11:56 EST BLASTED LATE NIGHT/AFTER WORK EATING!!! I need some advice or maybe just a good kick in the pants. I have realized the biggest weak point for me as far as weight loss goes and that would be late night or after work eating. I can be SO incredibly dedicated, motivated, determined, and careful all day, but on days that I work as soon as I get home it all goes out the window and on days when I don't work the same thing happens in the evening. It's like no matter what I do, how well I plan, how well I distract myself, it always seems to... Sat, 26 May 2012 00:57:08 EST The (Very Long) Long Overdue Update Life is exhausting and this past month has been nothing less. A lot has happened so I am going to jump right in. <BR> <BR> First of all, the health front. After years of frustration over weight that seemed to go up at the slightest provocation and refused to go down regardless of effort, accompanied by a myriad of other issues, too many to name here, basically I felt like something was very, very wrong. Despite being poked and prodded every which way, my doc could not seem to pinpoint the s... Thu, 24 May 2012 01:49:54 EST The Big Computer Drama Oh my goodness, I have so many things to tell you guys!! First of all, the most amazing thing happened this week. If you have seen my few status updates you will know that my computer suddenly up and died on May 1st and through much waiting and drama we discovered that my computer was completely fried (it was the motherboard and to fix it was going to cost almost as much as a new computer). So basically, with no way to salvage it and absolutely no money to buy a new computer I figured I was p... Mon, 21 May 2012 00:43:43 EST Everything In A Nutshell...An Exploding Nutshell. Ok. So. Yeah. Life. <BR> <BR> As I said in my status, I apologize to everyone for my sudden radio silence, things have just been a little crazy, kind of good, partly horrible, and nothing short of dizzying. <BR> <BR> On the weight loss front, in order to make a very long story incredibly short: I have stopped exercising and my eating has been atrocious. Yeah. I was following the 5kYW program religiously, until workout number 10, when my bum knee gave out. I gave it a chance to rest and the... Tue, 17 Apr 2012 17:49:17 EST Celebrity Crushing!! Part 2 (Read the blog below first!!!) 9. His hands. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> So you may or may not know this about me (I have mentioned it in blogs before), but I have a particular affinity for mens hands. It is usually among the first things that I notice about a man. No, I cannot explain this, it is not an obsession or anything, jus... Thu, 5 Apr 2012 01:13:09 EST As Promised: Celebrity Crushing!! Part 1 of 2 I am feeling uber silly right now, so prepare yourself. <BR> <BR> <em>334</em> You have been warned. <BR> <BR> Ok, so anyone who regularly follows my blogs knows that I am not inclined to ridiculousness, in fact, I lean toward seriousness, but I also believe that life is more fun when you incorporate appropriate amounts of silliness. For me, as a single twenty-four year old, that silliness tends to manifest itself in celebrity crushes. Sometimes it starts out with a bang and I am like...... Thu, 5 Apr 2012 00:49:09 EST March Update Pictures! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I had convinced myself that I was not going to take these pictures, then I decided on a whim one morning that I should take them, after which I convinced myself that I would not post them, but today I decided that I should post them. These are the ups and downs of this journey, some days/weeks/months are better than others. Right now I am struggling, but I am not going to let it stop me. I have gained about 7 pound... Wed, 4 Apr 2012 16:40:03 EST What Exactly Is It Going To Take For You To Do This? Today my face was yet again reintroduced to the pavement. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I know that I just need to wake up, accept reality, and move on. I know that I just need to do what is necessary to change this. <BR> <BR> I weighed in this morning and well, the results were not pretty. My exercising got kind of messed up, first with a back injury and then by me putting more focus into learning to run, which I do not regret, because I know that my exercising is not the i... Mon, 2 Apr 2012 01:03:43 EST Big Girl Running I have a couple of running related things to go over, things that I know are probably going to seem incredibly small, but to me they are incredibly exciting. <BR> <BR> First of all, this past Friday, I did something kind of amazing. I started out planning to do my 5KYW workout after work, then I went to work and it was crazy busy, I was on my feet for seven hours solid and I was wiped by the time the clock said my shift was over. I still told myself I was going to go home, rest for a bit, c... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 03:29:49 EST Just Wanted To Say I don't know where all of you stand on issues of faith and I obviously don't know you or your lives, what you have been through, and I know that you only know me as far as this blog and this page. I can only speak from my own experience, but I can say without a moment of wavering, without a second thought, without any consideration, that without Jesus Christ I would be literally dead and if not physically, I would still be living in a hell that I couldn't begin to describe right now. Bound up... Sat, 24 Mar 2012 01:55:47 EST When Big Girls Run (a tale of recent inspiration) I have been working out and working out hard now for nearly three months and I wasn't exactly lazy before that, but lately I have been a bit shaken up with exercise and looking for a challenge. I figured I am way too fat to try running so I kind of nixed that idea, especially since I would have to run outside (as I won't have access to a treadmill till June) and that would be humiliating *imagines all the fat just bouncing around*. Then one day driving home, we drove past an area that is pre... Tue, 13 Mar 2012 15:51:40 EST Ok Wow..Update. I am going to begin this with my March update pictures! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Slow but sure I am seeing little changes. I think one of the things I noticed with this one is that my back is starting to smooth out. I think that I could have made more progress this past month, but admittedly I fell off the track a little bit. Not going to let it discourage me though, I am back in the game and feeling motivated. <BR> <BR> I hav... Fri, 9 Mar 2012 14:46:30 EST Pictures for Maggie :D These are the originals from the birthday blog. :D <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.c... Sat, 18 Feb 2012 18:08:20 EST 24 Things Everyone Should Know About Me! For my big birthday blog, I decided to be a little more creative. I have come up with 24 things (as I turned 24 years old) that everyone should know about me, in no particular order of course! Here we go! <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. I am a Christian! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> 2. I am a nerd! Yep, you heard me right, I am a book loving, Star Trek and Star Wars watching, Lord of the Rings obsessed, nerd! <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak... Sat, 18 Feb 2012 01:25:58 EST Birthday Picture Blog Day 3 Here we go! Birthday blog number three! Yesterday was filled with nephew time and a great workout! I tried a new preset workout on my stationary bike and it was really KILLER, but I made myself keep going and I made it through the whole 90 minutes!! Woo! Today was pretty good, very busy at work, though I got to work with Mr. B. for a while which kind of made my day. Alrighty...on with the pictures. <BR> <BR> <BR> Something that I don't often tell people is that a lot of times I don't feel ... Mon, 13 Feb 2012 21:15:36 EST Birthday Picture Blog Day 2 for every fan of DiNozzo/Weatherly FINALLY! Let me explain why I am posting this blog at nearly 1AM (yes, this is technically the blog for Feb. 12th). First of all, this blog started out very different, I had nearly everything set up, when suddenly an idea struck me and I just had to see it through. So I scoured the internet, did some strenuous but enjoyable photo digging/fiddling, and this is the end result. <BR> <BR> I warn you, this is extremely silly, but I couldn't help myself. <BR> <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> *dr... Mon, 13 Feb 2012 02:08:16 EST Birthday Picture Blog Day 1 Sorry this is coming in so late, my whole day was eaten up with bank stuff, exercise, and working, but I have been looking forwards to this all day. So here we go! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> This is me and my hippo. I have mentioned long ago that I have a very passionate love of all things hippopotamus, but it bears repeating. I LOVE HIPPOS!! :D <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> This is... Sat, 11 Feb 2012 23:59:03 EST