GINILEE4's SparkPeople Blog GINILEE4's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Down time It has hit me again. I am in a slump. I finally begged my DH to take me out for coffee after 3 days of being inside. My strength is not coming back in my legs as fast as I had hoped it would but after nearly 3 years of immobility I guess I am over anxious. It gets discouraging though. I am able to walk a bit faster than I could before but not any farther without sitting down for a rest, like every 15 minutes for about 10 minutes of resting. My weight seems to be going back up? I got away from... Wed, 13 Aug 2014 20:02:00 EST July 27/14 Well, I finally got it together enough to get a blog done. <BR> I've been offline for the better part of 2 weeks. We had a disaster with the hard drive. Nuff said. <BR> Tomorrow is my official weigh in and to be honest I don't know what to expect. As far as eating well, it has been a pretty good week but last week, I weighed in for my 5% challenge on the Saturday at 267 odd and then on MOnday was 273. Yesterday I weighed in at 267 odd again, so will it be a disappointing repeat of last week ... Sun, 27 Jul 2014 16:32:04 EST Where have I been? To be honest, I can't really say what I have been doing. I have sort of been coasting. I am on the 5% challenge and have been keeping up with the posting of information but not sharing in the chats there, or anywhere else. I have been contemplating my journey. <BR> <BR> I have been weighing on Saturdays for my 5% team and weighing on Mondays which is my usual weigh in day. I have been losing consistently but on Saturday, stayed the same. I can live with that but was a little surprised. Tomor... Sun, 6 Jul 2014 19:55:29 EST And the News Is... More OA ( Osteoarthritis ) Just what I need. The right knee is severe and needs surgery so I am being booked to see a surgeon. My Dr. tells me that he will likely want to postpone the surgery until I have lost about 75 pounds more. So not till next year. In the mean time , he says I can likely have Cortisone shots every 5-6 months to help with the pain. He says that losing the weight alone before the surgery, makes the surgery less dangerous, and is going to make for an easier recovery and th... Tue, 17 Jun 2014 19:32:07 EST Tomorrow I finally find out what is up with my knee <BR> Tuesday is the day I go to see my doctor to get the results of my xrays and ultrasound on my right knee. I have been in almost constant pain for 2 months now and still have so much trouble with it. I have been on complete rest for 2 weeks and am about to go insane. Today I took my shower and just the act of stepping into the tub and having to stand on that 1 leg for a couple of seconds is painful. I have been taking anti inflammatories for 2 weeks and also took them for 10 days in May. ... Mon, 16 Jun 2014 20:45:19 EST Still here I'm hanging in here. Had a huge 2 week vacation here in the city with a lot of family. Lots of eating out, bbqs, trips around and food I shouldn't have eaten. AM back on my restricted diet and feel so much better for it. Had Simon here for 5 days and DD, SIL and Paulie for 3. It was nutso in my home. <BR> I am still having a great deal of pain in my knee and am on complete rest until they get the results of the xrays and ultrasound scheduled for MOnday. Not much I can do but sit still and ta... Sat, 7 Jun 2014 20:44:43 EST Good things/ Bad Things Blog Good things: <BR> <BR> Baby Pearl is awake now and crying all the time. Poor little mite can't even talk yet but you know she is in pain. She is out of critical care and downgraded to serious condition. SHe will remain in hospital for a while yet as there will be more scans and tests to come but the good news is the swelling has gone down. She doesn't help because she flails her arms around and hits herself in the air with here cast. She is soooo happy to be with gramma and daddy. Rhonda re... Sat, 17 May 2014 20:28:01 EST MOre on not smoking Well, DH's niece fell down the stairs while carrying the 1 year old. The family is in despair. Little Pearl has a fractured skull and a broken arm. She is in a drug induced coma to allow the swelling to go down. Not much new news on that. Rhonda has a broken femur and multiple bruises and a broke toe. We are spending lots of time spelling each other at the hospital, but it is in Toronto,they were air lifted there, at Sunnybrook. Not smoking is not on my table right now. I'll get there when I ... Thu, 15 May 2014 18:28:42 EST Smoking Today is my day to quit, at last. I have it planned to have my last cigarette at 4:30pm and will put patch on at 5pm. I decided to make a list of reason why I want to quit to have available to me whenever I need to look back and remember why. <BR> <BR> In no particular order: <BR> <BR> Getting rid of this horrible cough <BR> no more racing heart <BR> no more smoking headaches <BR> no more chest pains <BR> no more numb and tingling arms <BR> better breathing <BR> lower risk of stroke <BR> l... Wed, 14 May 2014 11:55:42 EST All Mixed Up but am sorting it out Over the past week, I have become ,MORE, aware of all the changes that I need to make to get where I want to go. WHile I don't have a specific timetable of what will ( I hope) happen when,I do have goals. SOmehow whenever I make goals I get frightened by the prospects of reaching them. WHat if I really can't do it? WHat if I never lose weight? What if I don't get stronger? ALl these negative thoughts weigh me down and sabotage my efforts. <BR> I have been fighting with GOUT for the last 3 we... Sat, 10 May 2014 19:46:57 EST Report on my Specialist Yesterday, I went to see what is up with the weightloss and lifestyle specialist that my doctor referred me to. Wow oh wow!!! This is a huge, overwhelming change for me. 1st. The diet is in 3 stages. I only know about stage 1 which is for 2 weeks. I get most green vegetables, lean meats and eggs. That's it folks!!! Sort of like South Beach only more strict. I can do this. DH and I have been figuring out what we can and cannot have and making menus and shopping lists for beginning Tuesday. Nex... Sat, 3 May 2014 19:40:56 EST What a PAin in the Leg !!!!! I am still plagued with Gout! It has been over 2 weeks now and I am so tired of all this, so I decided today that pain or not, cause it hurts no matter what I do, I am just going to do what I want and maybe that will help. I am getting nowhere with resting and elevating it. Tomorrow, BFF and my mom and I are going shopping for my birthday gift from my mom and then out to lunch. Friday is my BIG appt. with weightloss doctor so , although I am going to be sensible, I will have something I like... Tue, 29 Apr 2014 17:08:20 EST Lots Happened Today I had an appt. to see the therapist today about my walker. She agreed I definitely need one so 75% of the cost was covered by a government program. I got the walker right then. It is bright red and black. I can move it so easily, and even with so much pain in my knee can walk not too badly. After that appt. We had a little time so we stopped for lunch. I had eggs and rye toast. Then we went to the Mall where my doctor is. We walked all around the mall, with my new walker, and stopped at the j... Thu, 24 Apr 2014 20:03:45 EST Spirits Up!!! I have been struggling for a week or more. I couldn't seem to get my eating under control. It has been a mess for 1 1/2 months. In that time I managed to gain back 12 pounds. A SUPER SPARKFRIEND messaged me and helped to talk me through the mess and I am so happy she did. I am back on track as of today. <BR> I tracked my food and stayed well within my calorie range. I stuck to my menu and ate well and healthy all day, including snacks. My mornings have finally calmed down and I have stopped e... Tue, 22 Apr 2014 19:53:29 EST You Lose It <BR> <BR> This morning I decided it was time for me to get back to doing my indoor walking as the weather is too fickle to depend on for an outdoor walk. I thought , 20 minutes should be a good start. I began walking and after only a few minutes was working up a sweat. I checked my time and it was only 4 minutes in!!! I struggled along ,but at 10 minutes my hips were screaming and I was out of breath. <BR> I have heard how quickly you lose strength if you don't keep it tuned up but I never ... Tue, 15 Apr 2014 13:25:50 EST Back Home I'm so happy to be back home but I did have a wonderful time with BFF. She and my DS and DH are the only people I can be around without needing anxiety meds. I have such a hard time being with other people. Today DH and I took the bus to do the groceries. This is the first time I have gone on the bus in a very long time. I was gone about an hour and thankfully the were no crowds. I didn't need my anxiety meds till I got home today. I started tracking my walking again for my 100 day challenge... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 20:00:24 EST Makeover Time I've been studying myself today, inside and out. Right now I am at a standstill and I want to get myself going again. I was doing really well before Christmas for a few months and got my weight down to 30 lbs lost. I was so happy but for some reason, I came to a halt and Have not gotten movement back so today is the day I put together the plan to moving forward again. <BR> There are 3 areas that I feel need improvement. 1) My diet. I make a daily food plan but have been side eating all over t... Fri, 4 Apr 2014 16:40:00 EST How far I've come I thought about how low I have been feeling and decided to look to see IF I had made any progress at all in March. <BR> I went to my 100 day challenge. Out of 33 days I have walked 21. That IS SUCCESS!!!! <BR> I went from never walking more than 1 time a week at most to walking 3 weeks out of the month. That is incredible. SOmetimes we need to look back wards , over our shoulder, to see how far we've come. <em>205</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini <em>521</em> <BR> <BR> Thanks for the warm and... Wed, 2 Apr 2014 19:49:43 EST Totally Lost I have been playing solitaire for 30 minutes, trying to figure out what I want to say here. I guess the whole thing boils down to totally lost, stumped. I don't know which way to turn. <BR> I have been trying to get myself going for over a week now. I have no enthusiasm and my mind is blank about what to do. It has gotten much nicer outside over this last 4 days. Slightly warmer, still need a winter coat but the ice and snow are all gone. 2 weeks ago, I was so gung ho about getting out when t... Tue, 1 Apr 2014 19:27:25 EST Wait just a Minute!!!!!! <BR> <BR> I'm not going out like this. I am not going to let myself fall into the victim trap. I am MAD! I am tired of not winning. I am tired of being stuck inside the house. I am tired of giving in to every emotion and bad feeling I have. NO MORE!!!! I am going to go now and fill in my nutrition tracker, honestly. I am going to face myself and stop babying myself. I need some good arse kicking. I can do that myself too. <BR> My friends have been so kind and helpful. They have supported m... Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:02:09 EST AGAIN!!!! All I can say is please revisit the Some Self Sabotage blog from a few days ago. I tried to go to fast and fell off the ride. Time to regroup, tie my shoes and get going again. <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini Tue, 25 Mar 2014 18:36:27 EST On with the 100 days Challenge. I am continuing with my challenge. I had a few days where I didn't walk but I am not trying to be perfect, I am trying to be better every day. Tomorrow I go to my mom's for lunch, so I will be walking a lot. I can do this and I am going to finish this challenge. <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini <em>26</em> Sun, 23 Mar 2014 19:13:05 EST Some Self- sabotage It has been 2 very long hard days here. Somehow, despite all my friends support I spiralled downwards. I ate a big bunch of chocolate, so weird for me. I skipped my walking and just vegetated. I could easily continue down this road. I had a motto of ' don't be so lazy' going but it just didn't inspire me , soooo. Back to work now. <BR> <BR> <BR> Dear Gini, <BR> <BR> I know you are struggling right now. Sometimes that is going to happen. It doesn't mean you are not a good person or that yo... Fri, 21 Mar 2014 18:20:21 EST The Spark Solution I have begun getting myself prepared to add the Spark Solution to program. I have discovered that I need some structure and am trying it out right now to see if it fits me. One area I am having a bit of trouble with is the diet. While I eat a vast array of different foods, I am probably the worlds pickiest eater. I will not eat foods that I don't like, for any reason. This comes as of growing up being forced to eat whatever was put in front of me, whether I liked it or not. This did not expan... Tue, 18 Mar 2014 15:59:12 EST Time to regroup I have been working on 2 goals for the past 2 weeks. <BR> 1. walking at least 10 minutes a day. <BR> 2. track all food <BR> <BR> Those seem easy enough and in reality, I have been doing excellent at walking, only missing one day with back spasms. Which , BTW are much better today. Stiff and sore but able to get moving. Tracking hasn't fared so well. It has been on and off. Mostly I just don't want to. What I did notice though, looking back, is that I have been quite consistently eating abov... Fri, 14 Mar 2014 19:29:12 EST Finally Back Up <BR> <BR> I have been out of commission for most of the past 2 days. I woke up Tuesday with severe back spasms . Needed muscle relaxants and Tylenol 3 to help manage it. Unfortunately that also means I am on my back till it heals. Today at about 5 the last of the Tylenol 3 and relaxants wore off and I felt a lot better. I was able to walk for 13 minutes just a few minutes ago. SLow, but moving, finally. I tracked my food today and am going to do some SParking and then off to bed to get rid ... Thu, 13 Mar 2014 18:44:12 EST Really??? A SPORTS Injury? Ahhh, sports. Nothing like it to get your blood pumping. Rushing thru your veins and your body. Enriching your brain cells, filling you with pure oxygen. What a rush!!! <BR> <BR> And then there is bowling. Yes, yesterday DH and I went bowling with his sis and her family. 10 pin, which I have never done before. I didn't even know if I would be able to lift the ball. We found me a 9 pound ball I could manage and the game was on. Now I must say there is obviously, quite a skill to be a bowler o... Tue, 4 Mar 2014 19:20:07 EST 100 Day Challenge I have joined a Sparkfriend in a 100 day challenge. We could choose any challenge we wanted so I chose walking for at least 10 minutes for 100 days. We start March 1st and finish on June 8. It is kind of extra special because that is my mother's 85th birthday. I am very excited. Somehow the world looked possible again today. <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini <em>438</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> I PLEDGE TO walk for at least 10 minutes every day for 100 Days. <BR> <BR> Date Total Minutes ... Thu, 27 Feb 2014 17:25:41 EST Adjustments <BR> <BR> I had set out a few simple goals for this week. SO far, I have not been able to convince myself to attempt any of them. I keep running them, in a loop, through my head, trying to choose something to do. SOlution, cut back on number of goals right now. <BR> <BR> So it now looks like this <BR> <BR> 1- walk anywhere at least 10 minutes <BR> <BR> 2- track all food <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini <em>26</em> Wed, 26 Feb 2014 04:45:58 EST Week 1 goals- Feb 24- March 2 10 minutes or more of walking outside daily <BR> <BR> 10 minutes of beginner ST 3 times weekly <BR> <BR> 10 minutes of flexibility every day except Sunday <BR> <BR> SUnday- rest day except for walking <BR> <BR> Track all food daily <BR> <BR> <BR> Start small with short term goals and SLOWLY build. Off we go! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini <em>26</em> Mon, 24 Feb 2014 04:52:55 EST Finally!!!! I am finally feeling more positive today. Sometimes, with Clinical depression, it just overtakes you before you know it. If you are lucky it doesn't last too long, but sometimes you can't get yourself out. Today I woke up and the cloud had lifted. 6 days, not too bad. <BR> <BR> I went to my account and reset all my articles so I can start reading them all over again. I also changed my goal weight to 150 from 140. I think if I am being realistic, that at 150 and healthy and fit, I will feel f... Fri, 21 Feb 2014 18:57:36 EST a Rotten 2 days I have had 2 horrible pain days. My back seized up on Friday and I had to take my Tylenol 3. I hate taking them as they make me feel sick and dopey. I woke at 1am today feeling no better after 3 hours sleep. I had to keep taking my Tylenol. I was so disappointed in myself because I was unable to do any exercise, either day. I felt like I had failed yet again. <BR> I was reading my e-mails a while ago and read one from Pixielicous. She was telling how she has twice lost most of her excess wei... Sat, 15 Feb 2014 19:18:52 EST Day 7 - I forgot I took a day off <BR> <BR> Today my shoulder and neck were too sore to do my video so instead I walked indoors again. 10 minutes. <BR> <BR> Starting Monday I will walk 11 minutes and next day do video for 11 minutes and 11 count. <BR> <BR> Sunday my DD and SIL arrive with the grandboys. It is going to get very exciting around here. I will be taking Sunday as my rest day next week. I counted my days wrong this week and have now done my exercise 6 out of the last 7 days. It didn't even hurt today at all, ex... Thu, 13 Feb 2014 19:02:47 EST Exercise - WOW!! Day5 Well yesterday turned out to be an unplanned off day. I haven't taken one yet and wasn't planning to but with my BFF coming for the afternoon and dinner and the evening, I completely forgot to walk or do a video. It wasn't until I was laying in bed, trying to go to sleep, that my mind wandered that way. <BR> Today I thought about it and it's fine. I decided to change my walk a little and when DH was watching a DIY show today, I started my indoor walking and did my 10 minutes. Strangely, my h... Wed, 12 Feb 2014 18:56:25 EST What Has Happened??? I walked, indoors again today. I had a hard day with pain in my back and neck but when it got to be 4 o'clock, I got up looked out the window and started walking. I live on the 6th floor and have an unobstructed view of the road 1 , short, building over.. I watched the traffic and counted yellow cars, don't ask. I also thought, I'll count the buses. Only 1 of those too but watching for something took my mind off the time and the 10 minutes passed quickly. Much better than watching the clock t... Mon, 10 Feb 2014 19:46:04 EST A HAT TRICK!!!! 3 days in a row. Today I decided to find an exercise video I could do. I went to my Chair Exercise team and found a you tube video called Beginners exercise for obesity... <BR> I don't know the whole title but found a number of videos under this heading. I did 10 minutes of a 29 minute video. It wasn't hard or excessive at all. In fact, ann overweight man was doing the exercises along with the trainer. As the day has worn on, I am finding a couple of aches and pains coming to the surface. At ... Sun, 9 Feb 2014 18:46:59 EST AGAIN!!! I was supposed to do a video exercise today but wanted to go to the Bargain SHop nearby. After lunch, DH and I dressed up warm and went for a 10 minute walk over to the shop, a 15 minute walk inside and another 10 minutes home. I am counting most of it. I know all about having to walk at a brisk pace, etc, but right now it is about purposefully moving. Me going outside is an occasion. Bless those little Darlings of mine, I wanted to get their Valentine surprises. LOL None for me though. SO I ... Sat, 8 Feb 2014 16:17:23 EST I Walked It took me until 3:11pm to do it but I walked for 10 minutes. I have been completely a slag since Christmas. I can count the times on 1 hand that I have been outside and on fewer fingers that I have made any purposeful movement. Am I ashamed, not really. Unmotivated, you bet. I said yesterday I would do it and I did it. Did it feel good? Absolutely not. My hips and thighs complained bitterly. But I did it anyway. <BR> Tomorrow I said I would do an exercise video of some kind, and I will. I be... Fri, 7 Feb 2014 16:01:21 EST I've Been Thinking. Oh Oh! Hmmm- I've been thinking. Thinking abut ALL the info I have read about exercise and movement and where to start and how to start. Frankly it has me quite overwhelmed. So, I chose to sift through what I can do and what I am willing to do and put the rest of it away in a folder in my head for future reference. <BR> <BR> I can walk indoors for up to 15 minutes <BR> <BR> I can do many of the seated chair exercise videos on the Chair Exercise team page <BR> <BR> I can do seated stretching <BR> ... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 14:30:47 EST Learning to Be Content with who I am Wow!!! I had decided, late last month, to draw back from Spark and to ease off my work on myself. I have since returned to Sparking but not before some damage was done. Obviously, when I am not eating mindfully, tracking, weighing and measuring and planning nutritious meals, I eat with wild abandon. I gained 5 pounds in 2 weeks and so did my DH. Lesson learned! I am not going to ever be able to eat what I choose without careful planning. Like an alcoholic, I am addicted to food and will need ... Mon, 3 Feb 2014 19:57:41 EST My Gratitude Today <BR> I was able to smoke even fewer cigarettes today <BR> <BR> DS has a date with his GF <BR> <BR> We are having salmon for dinner <BR> <BR> It is warmer outside <BR> <BR> I had a fairly calm day <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini <em>26</em> Sat, 1 Feb 2014 16:37:59 EST Today's Gratitude It was warm enough for me to go outside <BR> <BR> I was able to walk mostly indoors for 2 1/2 hours <BR> <BR> DH put away all the groceries <BR> <BR> DS is enjoying school <BR> <BR> I was able to smoke fewer cigarettes today <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini <em>26</em> Thu, 30 Jan 2014 19:15:47 EST Couldn't Stay Away I blogged a few days ago about needing to spend time away from Spark to collect myself and learn to like myself more. What I hadn't counted on is that I missed Spark so terribly. I miss my friends and I miss sharing with all of you. <BR> I looked up self esteem on a Spark search and have discovered that there are loads of articles here discussing exactly what I am trying to do. I kind of need some help to find me as I don't know where to start looking. <BR> I did find out that I have a need... Wed, 29 Jan 2014 14:43:57 EST Who am I? I have been under a lot of stress lately. I have had to take anxiety medication several times this past week. I hadn't been able to figure out what was bothering me and after spending some time talking to a friend, I have discovered that it is me and how I have been treating myself that is upsetting me. I need to spend some time learning to be happy with myself, just as I am. I need to become more peaceful. I have spent the last 6 years trying to improve myself. I have lost weight and develop... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 19:32:40 EST A Little Pep Talk I've never been one to talk to myself, especially not cheer for myself. It has always seemed kind of hokey to me. Today I found myself going through the motions here on Spark and lulling myself into, the 'oh well another boring day' feeling. I realized my motivation was waning. I panicked a little at first and then said out loud to myself. Get going. You can do this. I told myself to get walking and to go back to my Start page and read my motivation board. I did this and then said. You are re... Thu, 16 Jan 2014 05:00:53 EST On Quitting Smoking <BR> <BR> This goal isn't as easy as I had hoped it would be. I must admit, I am struggling, ALOT. AT 1 point I thought I would just give up altogether BUT I am determined to give this all I have got. <BR> I saw my doctor today and we talked about what I have been doing, and where I am and what I expect. He feels I am trying too hard and expecting too much of myself too fast. We decided that the safest plan and likely the most reliable approach is to slowly decrease the number of cigarette... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 19:19:55 EST Goals for 2014 <BR> I am keeping my goals simple this year. <BR> <BR> I don't need to set a year long goal for eating well and tracking and exercise. Those things will come along as I make more positive changes. These 3 things are the basis for living well and I am living well. I am okay with how I am doing in these areas. <BR> <BR> My goals are: <BR> <BR> 1. To Quit Smoking- I HAVE to do this now. It is my main focus <BR> <BR> 2. To do walk #3 of my Leslie Sansone WATP by July 01/2014 <BR> <BR> 3. To... Mon, 30 Dec 2013 18:45:36 EST I'm Ready After a week of craziness here, I am ready to begin to treat myself better now. I am ready to choose healthy, low calorie foods to nourish me. I am ready to begin to make my body move and feel better. I am ready to enjoy my days instead of wasting them complaining about how tired I am all the time. I am ready to quit smoking. <BR> I don't want to make resolutions for New Years. I want to make choices for myself. I want to feel free of the self imposed bonds that hold me and have held me for s... Thu, 26 Dec 2013 19:36:15 EST Ready to Leave Tomorrow, well, Nearly! There is so much stuff to try to pack into 2 cases each for our trip to Ottawa. <BR> We are going to DD's for 12 days to babysit our grandsons while mom and dad attend a wedding in Mexico and then have a well deserved vacation at the resort. Simon is 3 now and talking up a storm . Lots of questions and lots of talking back. He is testing everyone about everything so a week with him will be interesting. I think time outs in his room may be the way to go. Little Pauli is 22 months and a going ... Wed, 4 Dec 2013 19:52:37 EST Tomorrow is a big day <BR> <BR> I am Canadian so have already celebrated Thanksgiving. I am here right now to remind you that; <BR> <BR> 1- there will be another meal in your future <BR> <BR> 2- you DON'T have to eat everything <BR> <BR> 3- you are worth more than a plate full of unhealthy choices <BR> <BR> 4- you DON'T want to feel crummy or guilty <BR> <BR> 5- YOU CAN DO THIS <BR> <BR> Have a delicious and satisfying Thanksgiving tomorrow. <BR> <BR> Stay Safe, <BR> <BR> <BR> Gini <em>426</em> <em>... Wed, 27 Nov 2013 19:06:51 EST