GERIKRAGH's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=GERIKRAGH GERIKRAGH's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Chinese Too Sick To Work http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5819526 <BR> <BR> Wong Chow calls into work and says, “I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, <BR> <BR> stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The boss says, “You know something, Wong Chow, I really need you today. <BR> <BR> When I feel sick like you do, <BR> <BR> I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. <BR> <BR> That makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Two hours later Wong Chow calls again. <BR> <B... Wed, 19 Nov 2014 12:51:37 EST Too Druck http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5816771 Thanks margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way buddy you're too drunk." <BR> <BR> A few minutes later the drunk comes in through the bathrooms, again he slurs, "give me a drink", bartender says "No man I told you last time you're too drunk" <BR> <BR> Five minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk" <BR> <BR> The drunk scratc... Fri, 14 Nov 2014 13:22:20 EST It's Only Bubba http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5815776 <BR> <BR> You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was <BR> put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned <BR> 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his <BR> home.The house also featured a secret escape tunnel. <BR> <BR> By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is <BR> considered "mentally unstable." <BR> <BR> In Michigan, he'd be called "The last white guy still living in Detroit. <BR> <B... Wed, 12 Nov 2014 21:14:26 EST IRS Guilt http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5815125 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A man wrote a letter to the IRS: “I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $200.00. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Greatness <BR> The price of greatness is responsibility. <BR> <BR> - Winston Churchill - <BR> <BR> Tue, 11 Nov 2014 20:13:50 EST Businessman and Son-In-Law http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5812509 Thank you again margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.” <BR> <BR> The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see.” replied the father-in-law, “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of s... Fri, 7 Nov 2014 10:29:19 EST Oz http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5810788 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> Why did Dorothy get lost in Oz? <BR> <BR> She had three men giving her directions. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Seven Simple Computer Security Tips <BR> · Use strong passwords. Choose passwords that are difficult or impossible to guess. Give different passwords to all accounts. <BR> <BR> · Make regular backups of critical data. Backups must be made at least once each day. Larger organizations should perform a full backup weekly and incremental backups ever... Tue, 4 Nov 2014 15:33:58 EST Olden Days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5809957 You could hardly see for all the snow, <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go. <BR> Pull a chair up to the TV set, <BR> 'Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet.' <BR> My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches w... Mon, 3 Nov 2014 11:42:10 EST Good Fairy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5809308 Thanks margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Forty years of marriage.......... <BR> <BR> A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. <BR> She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." <BR> The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darl... Sun, 2 Nov 2014 11:54:55 EST Two Judges http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5807780 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Two judges from a small county happen to be stopped for speeding on the same day. They agree that there's no point in calling the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge; they'll just go ahead and hear each other's case. <BR> <BR> The next morning, one judge takes the bench, the other sits at counsel table. The first judge admits he's guilty, and the second judge suspends the fine and court costs for him. <BR> <BR> They then switch places, the ... Thu, 30 Oct 2014 21:08:27 EST Help, Help! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5805698 <BR> There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. <BR> <BR> You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! <BR> <BR> Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders t... Mon, 27 Oct 2014 12:41:49 EST Little Johnny http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5805166 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. <BR> <BR> She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" <BR> <BR> After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. <BR> <BR> The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" <BR> <BR> "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Postive Thinking <BR> In an episode of Star Trek that caught my ... Sun, 26 Oct 2014 17:08:49 EST English Prof http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5803869 One of the courses I taught when I was a college professor was Freshman English. To my first class of students I described the basic parts of an essay: "Remember, the three parts of an essay are the Introduction, the Body, and the Confusion". <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Live ur days <BR> Think about yesterday as if it’ll never come back; Live your day as if you’ll die tomorrow; and plan ur tomorrow as if u`ll live forever.. <BR> <BR> Fri, 24 Oct 2014 09:44:13 EST Schnauzer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5802952 <BR> <BR> A friend found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so <BR> she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was <BR> hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then <BR> hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell her that, if she wanted <BR> to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some <BR> "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. <BR> <BR> Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair... Wed, 22 Oct 2014 18:21:03 EST Two Dumb Roofers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5799412 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> Two roofers, Larry and Joe were on the roof laying tile, when a sudden win gust came and knocked down their ladder. “I have an idea” said Larry. “We’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.” What, do you thing, I’m stupid? “I have and idea” said Joe. “I’ll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.” What, do you think I’m stupid? “You’ll just turn off the flashlight when I’m halfway there.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR... Thu, 16 Oct 2014 17:16:26 EST Checkup http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5795886 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. <BR> <BR> "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." <BR> <BR> "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?" <BR> <BR> "Ten," the doctor says sadly. <BR> <BR> "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" <... Fri, 10 Oct 2014 14:17:59 EST Bats http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5795155 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Did you know this about bats? <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The newsletter from, "The Texas Gardener Seeds" said: <BR> Put up a bat house to encourage the presence of these shy animals. <BR> <BR> <BR> Bats consume 3,000 or more mosquitoes and other insects nightly, <BR> <BR> <BR> and bats are less likely to be rabid than dogs are. <BR> <BR> <BR>... Thu, 9 Oct 2014 09:39:48 EST Confession? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5794893 <BR> A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited (thank goodness most Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor!) <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I... Wed, 8 Oct 2014 21:15:51 EST Psychopath Test http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5787541 Luckily I didn't answer right! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. <BR> It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right. Few people do <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much that she fell in ... Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:06:17 EST Zoo Hullabaloo http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5786346 A policeman brought four boys before a judge. <BR> <BR> "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said. <BR> <BR> "Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. <BR> <BR> Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong." <BR> <BR> "My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen." <BR> <BR> "My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts ... Wed, 24 Sep 2014 19:53:00 EST Missing Wife? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782235 A husband went to police station to report his missing wife: <BR> Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home. <BR> Sergeant : What is her height ? <BR> Husband : Oh, 5 something . . . <BR> Sergeant : Build? <BR> Husband : Not slim, not really fat. <BR> Sergeant : Color of eyes? <BR> Husband : Never noticed. <BR> Sergeant : Color of hair? <BR> Husband : Changes according to season. <BR> Sergeant : What was she wearing? <BR> Husband : Dress/suit/blue ... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 10:16:25 EST Three Old Ladies http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5781571 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just waken up!" The third lady s... Wed, 17 Sep 2014 10:45:35 EST No Gators http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778024 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" <BR> <BR> "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" <BR> <BR> Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. <BR> <BR> About halfway th... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 15:07:21 EST Police Station http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5777291 <BR> A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. <BR> <BR> "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. <BR> <BR> "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The Tip of The Day <BR> <BR> <BR> Your bones <BR> Munch on carrots, the potassium and magnesium in it will strengthen your bones.... Wed, 10 Sep 2014 13:37:11 EST Complete vs. Finished. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775886 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I say there is..... <BR> <BR> Marry the right person, and you’re ‘complete’ <BR> <BR> Marry the wrong person, and you’re ‘finished."' <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Persevere <BR> Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance. <BR> <BR> - Samuel Johnson <BR> <BR> Mon, 8 Sep 2014 12:56:07 EST Doctor Visit http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5771751 <BR> <BR> A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. <BR> <BR> The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!." <BR> <BR> The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Being Courageous <BR> Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. <BR> <BR> - Thomas Fulle... Tue, 2 Sep 2014 09:39:34 EST The Post Office http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5767380 <BR> Change this setting <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. <BR> One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was a... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 13:06:39 EST The Post Office http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5767378 <BR> Change this setting <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. <BR> One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was a... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 13:06:02 EST The 18th Camel.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5766150 <BR> <BR> There was a father who left 17 camels as an asset for his three sons. <BR> <BR> When the father passed away, his sons opened up the Will. <BR> <BR> The Will of the father stated that the eldest son should get 1/2 (half) of total camels while the middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third) and the youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the total camels. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> As it was not possible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, the three sons started... Sun, 24 Aug 2014 16:17:00 EST Eye Opener http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5765470 <BR> Ah! Yes, love is blind, and marriage is and eye opener! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Heart Break <BR> "Don't cry because it’s over, smile because it happened!" <BR> <BR> Sat, 23 Aug 2014 11:42:07 EST Shoppers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764959 <BR> <BR> I just read that the reason they are not arresting any LOOTERS in Ferguson is because Eric Holder's Justice Department has reclassified them. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> They are not LOOTERS anymore! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> They are UNDOCUMENTED SHOPPERS <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Fri, 22 Aug 2014 13:21:09 EST Six Facts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764151 1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility due to the tendons within your neck . <BR> <BR> <BR> 2. All bird brains, after reading #1 will try it. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 3 And discover #1 is a lie. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 4 You are smiling now because you are a bird brain <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 5 You soon will forward this to another bird brain. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 6 There is still a s... Thu, 21 Aug 2014 09:41:18 EST Names http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763790 <BR> <BR> Tom was invited to his friend’s house for dinner. He found that his buddy called his wife every cute name in the book: honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, and baby. <BR> <BR> When she was in the kitchen, he leaned over to his friend and said, “I think it’s nice you still call your wife all those pet names.” “To tell you the truth,” his friend said, “I forgot her name abut three years ago.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The Only Diet That Really Works <BR> Other than keeping your mo... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:30:21 EST New Grocery Store http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5762768 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A while ago a new supermarket opened in Ajax , Ontario. <BR> <BR> <BR> It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. <BR> <BR> <BR> Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay. <BR> <BR> <BR> In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.. <BR> <... Tue, 19 Aug 2014 09:41:54 EST 5 Deadly Things That Women Say http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5762215 <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut up. <BR> <BR> 2. NOTHING: Means something and you need to be worried. <BR> <BR> 3. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Do Not Do It!!! <BR> <BR> 4. WHATEVER: A woman's way of saying "_ _ _ ew You." <BR> <BR> 5. THAT'S OKAY: She is thinking long and hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake. <BR> <BR> BONUS WORD: WOW! This is not a compliment. She's... Mon, 18 Aug 2014 14:50:54 EST Nudity http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5761616 Thanks to margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept he conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. <BR> <BR> After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child ... Sun, 17 Aug 2014 19:39:47 EST Hoss http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5759607 <BR> <BR> Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> Hoss rode into town to buy a bull. Unfortunately, when he bought it, he was left with one dollar. Hoss needed to tell his wife to come with the truck and get the bull, but telegrams cost one dollar per word. Hoss said to the telegram man,"OK. I have my one word-'comfortable'." Why do you want to tell her that?h asked the telegram man. "Oh, she's not the best reader," Hoss said. "She'll read it really slowly". (Com-for-ta-ble, get it?) <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 14 Aug 2014 11:57:24 EST Quiz http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5758835 <BR> <BR> Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. <BR> <BR> One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages However, he wrote: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 1) It is perfect formula for the child. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 3) It is always ... Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:45:10 EST Windmill http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5757563 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> Q: What did the windmill say when she met her favorite movie star? <BR> <BR> A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Problems without an answer <BR> Problems without solutions, sometimes have a way of solving themselves. Just put them aside, in a neat stack, and let time help solve them for you. <BR> <BR> Mon, 11 Aug 2014 12:38:06 EST Coincidence http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5756307 <BR> <BR> Definition of the word "coincidence". <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A chicken farmer went to the local bar, sat down next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne". <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "What a coincidence" said the farmer, who added. "It is a special day for me...I'm celebrating". <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "It is a special day for me too. I am also celebrating" said the woman. <... Sat, 9 Aug 2014 11:47:33 EST The Confessional http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753688 <BR> > <BR> > I went into the confessional box <BR> > after years of being away from the Church. <BR> > <BR> > <BR> > Inside I found a fully equipped bar with <BR> > Guinness on tap. <BR> > <BR> > <BR> > On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish <BR> > whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. <BR> > <BR> > <BR> > On the other wall is a <BR> > dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. <BR> > <BR> > Then the priest <BR> > comes in. <BR> > <BR> >... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 14:15:17 EST My Favorite Animal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752921 <BR> Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." <BR> She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. <BR> <BR> <BR> My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. <BR> I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. <BR> He said they love animals very much. <BR> <BR> <BR> I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 12:46:59 EST True Facts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5750269 <BR> <BR> The liquid inside young coconuts can be used <BR> <BR> <BR> As a substitute for Blood plasma. <BR> <BR> <BR> ****************************************<BR>*********************************** <BR> <BR> <BR> No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. <BR> <BR> <BR> Oh go ahead ... I'll wait... <BR> <BR> <BR> ****************************************<BR>************************************ <BR> <BR> <BR> Donkeys kill more people annually <BR> <BR> <... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 09:47:45 EST Can't Please Everyone http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5749711 An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. <BR> <BR> The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. <BR> <BR> As they went along they passed some people <BR> <BR> Who remarked it was a shame the old man <BR> Was walking and the boy was riding. <BR> <BR> The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, <BR> <BR> So they changed positions. <BR> <BR> <BR> Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, <BR> <BR> 'What a shame, he makes that little ... Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:54:14 EST Line Dancing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5749006 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> After watching the girls do line dancing, Michael thought, hey I can do this. So he got in line and asked one of the girls, what’s the name of this dance? <BR> <BR> "She said I don't know; this is the line for the bathroom" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Letting Go <BR> It is because of our attachment to things that we suffer. By letting go we find that we have not lost anything except our attachment. <BR> <BR> Sogyal Rinpoche <BR> <BR> <BR> Tue, 29 Jul 2014 14:22:36 EST A Midget In Pain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5744292 A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. <BR> <BR> "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put... Tue, 22 Jul 2014 14:07:02 EST Run! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5742702 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked: “What’s happening?” The runner replied breathlessly: “A lion has escaped from the zoo.” “Oh my, which way is it heading?” “Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Being Grateful For What You Have In The Present <BR> Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be struck blind: Hear the music of voices, the so... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 12:15:54 EST The Baptist White Lie Cake http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5740064 Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, <BR> <BR> but forgot to do it until the last minute. <BR> <BR> She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for scout camp. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclai... Wed, 16 Jul 2014 12:10:56 EST Go To School http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5739231 Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" <BR> <BR> "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." <BR> <BR> "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." <BR> <BR> "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" <BR> <BR> "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." <BR> <BR> "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." <BR> <BR> "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for anothe... Tue, 15 Jul 2014 09:46:08 EST Monkey Business http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5730636 <BR> <BR> This is the funniest video. I want to see the monkey do the same thing in one year! <BR> <BR> <BR> https://www.youtube.com/embed/fPXkUXXFoCw <BR> Wed, 2 Jul 2014 13:58:41 EST Monkey Business http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5730635 <BR> <BR> This is the funniest video. I want to see the monkey do the same thing in one year! <BR> <BR> <BR> https://www.youtube.com/embed/fPXkUXXFoCw <BR> Wed, 2 Jul 2014 13:58:37 EST