GERIKRAGH's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=GERIKRAGH GERIKRAGH's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Two Dumb Roofers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5799412 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> Two roofers, Larry and Joe were on the roof laying tile, when a sudden win gust came and knocked down their ladder. “I have an idea” said Larry. “We’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.” What, do you thing, I’m stupid? “I have and idea” said Joe. “I’ll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.” What, do you think I’m stupid? “You’ll just turn off the flashlight when I’m halfway there.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR... Thu, 16 Oct 2014 17:16:26 EST Checkup http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5795886 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. <BR> <BR> "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." <BR> <BR> "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?" <BR> <BR> "Ten," the doctor says sadly. <BR> <BR> "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" <... Fri, 10 Oct 2014 14:17:59 EST Bats http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5795155 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Did you know this about bats? <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The newsletter from, "The Texas Gardener Seeds" said: <BR> Put up a bat house to encourage the presence of these shy animals. <BR> <BR> <BR> Bats consume 3,000 or more mosquitoes and other insects nightly, <BR> <BR> <BR> and bats are less likely to be rabid than dogs are. <BR> <BR> <BR>... Thu, 9 Oct 2014 09:39:48 EST Confession? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5794893 <BR> A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited (thank goodness most Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor!) <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I... Wed, 8 Oct 2014 21:15:51 EST Psychopath Test http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5787541 Luckily I didn't answer right! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. <BR> It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right. Few people do <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much that she fell in ... Fri, 26 Sep 2014 19:06:17 EST Zoo Hullabaloo http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5786346 A policeman brought four boys before a judge. <BR> <BR> "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said. <BR> <BR> "Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. <BR> <BR> Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong." <BR> <BR> "My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen." <BR> <BR> "My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts ... Wed, 24 Sep 2014 19:53:00 EST Missing Wife? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782235 A husband went to police station to report his missing wife: <BR> Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home. <BR> Sergeant : What is her height ? <BR> Husband : Oh, 5 something . . . <BR> Sergeant : Build? <BR> Husband : Not slim, not really fat. <BR> Sergeant : Color of eyes? <BR> Husband : Never noticed. <BR> Sergeant : Color of hair? <BR> Husband : Changes according to season. <BR> Sergeant : What was she wearing? <BR> Husband : Dress/suit/blue ... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 10:16:25 EST Three Old Ladies http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5781571 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just waken up!" The third lady s... Wed, 17 Sep 2014 10:45:35 EST No Gators http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778024 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" <BR> <BR> "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" <BR> <BR> Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. <BR> <BR> About halfway th... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 15:07:21 EST Police Station http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5777291 <BR> A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. <BR> <BR> "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. <BR> <BR> "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The Tip of The Day <BR> <BR> <BR> Your bones <BR> Munch on carrots, the potassium and magnesium in it will strengthen your bones.... Wed, 10 Sep 2014 13:37:11 EST Complete vs. Finished. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775886 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I say there is..... <BR> <BR> Marry the right person, and you’re ‘complete’ <BR> <BR> Marry the wrong person, and you’re ‘finished."' <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Persevere <BR> Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance. <BR> <BR> - Samuel Johnson <BR> <BR> Mon, 8 Sep 2014 12:56:07 EST Doctor Visit http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5771751 <BR> <BR> A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. <BR> <BR> The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!." <BR> <BR> The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Being Courageous <BR> Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. <BR> <BR> - Thomas Fulle... Tue, 2 Sep 2014 09:39:34 EST The Post Office http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5767380 <BR> Change this setting <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. <BR> One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was a... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 13:06:39 EST The Post Office http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5767378 <BR> Change this setting <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. <BR> One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was a... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 13:06:02 EST The 18th Camel.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5766150 <BR> <BR> There was a father who left 17 camels as an asset for his three sons. <BR> <BR> When the father passed away, his sons opened up the Will. <BR> <BR> The Will of the father stated that the eldest son should get 1/2 (half) of total camels while the middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third) and the youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the total camels. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> As it was not possible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, the three sons started... Sun, 24 Aug 2014 16:17:00 EST Eye Opener http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5765470 <BR> Ah! Yes, love is blind, and marriage is and eye opener! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Heart Break <BR> "Don't cry because it’s over, smile because it happened!" <BR> <BR> Sat, 23 Aug 2014 11:42:07 EST Shoppers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764959 <BR> <BR> I just read that the reason they are not arresting any LOOTERS in Ferguson is because Eric Holder's Justice Department has reclassified them. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> They are not LOOTERS anymore! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> They are UNDOCUMENTED SHOPPERS <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Fri, 22 Aug 2014 13:21:09 EST Six Facts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764151 1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility due to the tendons within your neck . <BR> <BR> <BR> 2. All bird brains, after reading #1 will try it. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 3 And discover #1 is a lie. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 4 You are smiling now because you are a bird brain <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 5 You soon will forward this to another bird brain. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 6 There is still a s... Thu, 21 Aug 2014 09:41:18 EST Names http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763790 <BR> <BR> Tom was invited to his friend’s house for dinner. He found that his buddy called his wife every cute name in the book: honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, and baby. <BR> <BR> When she was in the kitchen, he leaned over to his friend and said, “I think it’s nice you still call your wife all those pet names.” “To tell you the truth,” his friend said, “I forgot her name abut three years ago.” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The Only Diet That Really Works <BR> Other than keeping your mo... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:30:21 EST New Grocery Store http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5762768 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A while ago a new supermarket opened in Ajax , Ontario. <BR> <BR> <BR> It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. <BR> <BR> <BR> Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay. <BR> <BR> <BR> In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.. <BR> <... Tue, 19 Aug 2014 09:41:54 EST 5 Deadly Things That Women Say http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5762215 <BR> <BR> <BR> 1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut up. <BR> <BR> 2. NOTHING: Means something and you need to be worried. <BR> <BR> 3. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Do Not Do It!!! <BR> <BR> 4. WHATEVER: A woman's way of saying "_ _ _ ew You." <BR> <BR> 5. THAT'S OKAY: She is thinking long and hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake. <BR> <BR> BONUS WORD: WOW! This is not a compliment. She's... Mon, 18 Aug 2014 14:50:54 EST Nudity http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5761616 Thanks to margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept he conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. <BR> <BR> After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child ... Sun, 17 Aug 2014 19:39:47 EST Hoss http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5759607 <BR> <BR> Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> Hoss rode into town to buy a bull. Unfortunately, when he bought it, he was left with one dollar. Hoss needed to tell his wife to come with the truck and get the bull, but telegrams cost one dollar per word. Hoss said to the telegram man,"OK. I have my one word-'comfortable'." Why do you want to tell her that?h asked the telegram man. "Oh, she's not the best reader," Hoss said. "She'll read it really slowly". (Com-for-ta-ble, get it?) <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 14 Aug 2014 11:57:24 EST Quiz http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5758835 <BR> <BR> Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. <BR> <BR> One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages However, he wrote: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 1) It is perfect formula for the child. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 3) It is always ... Wed, 13 Aug 2014 09:45:10 EST Windmill http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5757563 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> Q: What did the windmill say when she met her favorite movie star? <BR> <BR> A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Problems without an answer <BR> Problems without solutions, sometimes have a way of solving themselves. Just put them aside, in a neat stack, and let time help solve them for you. <BR> <BR> Mon, 11 Aug 2014 12:38:06 EST Coincidence http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5756307 <BR> <BR> Definition of the word "coincidence". <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A chicken farmer went to the local bar, sat down next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne". <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "What a coincidence" said the farmer, who added. "It is a special day for me...I'm celebrating". <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "It is a special day for me too. I am also celebrating" said the woman. <... Sat, 9 Aug 2014 11:47:33 EST The Confessional http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753688 <BR> > <BR> > I went into the confessional box <BR> > after years of being away from the Church. <BR> > <BR> > <BR> > Inside I found a fully equipped bar with <BR> > Guinness on tap. <BR> > <BR> > <BR> > On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish <BR> > whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. <BR> > <BR> > <BR> > On the other wall is a <BR> > dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. <BR> > <BR> > Then the priest <BR> > comes in. <BR> > <BR> >... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 14:15:17 EST My Favorite Animal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752921 <BR> Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." <BR> She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. <BR> <BR> <BR> My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. <BR> I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. <BR> He said they love animals very much. <BR> <BR> <BR> I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 12:46:59 EST True Facts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5750269 <BR> <BR> The liquid inside young coconuts can be used <BR> <BR> <BR> As a substitute for Blood plasma. <BR> <BR> <BR> ****************************************<BR>*********************************** <BR> <BR> <BR> No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. <BR> <BR> <BR> Oh go ahead ... I'll wait... <BR> <BR> <BR> ****************************************<BR>************************************ <BR> <BR> <BR> Donkeys kill more people annually <BR> <BR> <... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 09:47:45 EST Can't Please Everyone http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5749711 An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. <BR> <BR> The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. <BR> <BR> As they went along they passed some people <BR> <BR> Who remarked it was a shame the old man <BR> Was walking and the boy was riding. <BR> <BR> The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, <BR> <BR> So they changed positions. <BR> <BR> <BR> Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, <BR> <BR> 'What a shame, he makes that little ... Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:54:14 EST Line Dancing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5749006 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> After watching the girls do line dancing, Michael thought, hey I can do this. So he got in line and asked one of the girls, what’s the name of this dance? <BR> <BR> "She said I don't know; this is the line for the bathroom" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Letting Go <BR> It is because of our attachment to things that we suffer. By letting go we find that we have not lost anything except our attachment. <BR> <BR> Sogyal Rinpoche <BR> <BR> <BR> Tue, 29 Jul 2014 14:22:36 EST A Midget In Pain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5744292 A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. <BR> <BR> "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put... Tue, 22 Jul 2014 14:07:02 EST Run! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5742702 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked: “What’s happening?” The runner replied breathlessly: “A lion has escaped from the zoo.” “Oh my, which way is it heading?” “Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?” <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Being Grateful For What You Have In The Present <BR> Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be struck blind: Hear the music of voices, the so... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 12:15:54 EST The Baptist White Lie Cake http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5740064 Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, <BR> <BR> but forgot to do it until the last minute. <BR> <BR> She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for scout camp. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclai... Wed, 16 Jul 2014 12:10:56 EST Go To School http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5739231 Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" <BR> <BR> "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." <BR> <BR> "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." <BR> <BR> "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" <BR> <BR> "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." <BR> <BR> "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." <BR> <BR> "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for anothe... Tue, 15 Jul 2014 09:46:08 EST Monkey Business http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5730636 <BR> <BR> This is the funniest video. I want to see the monkey do the same thing in one year! <BR> <BR> <BR> https://www.youtube.com/embed/fPXkUXXFoCw <BR> Wed, 2 Jul 2014 13:58:41 EST Monkey Business http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5730635 <BR> <BR> This is the funniest video. I want to see the monkey do the same thing in one year! <BR> <BR> <BR> https://www.youtube.com/embed/fPXkUXXFoCw <BR> Wed, 2 Jul 2014 13:58:37 EST Juggle Test http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5729857 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop. <BR> <BR> "I juggle them in my act." <BR> <BR> "Oh, yeah? Says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch. <BR> <BR> "Wow" says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now Tue, 1 Jul 2014 12:52:03 EST Do You Remember These? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5729145 <BR> <BR> <BR> A few I wasn't familiar with, but most of these I remember.......another time and place. <BR> <BR> <BR> I know some of you will not understand this message, <BR> but I bet you know someone who might. <BR> I came across this phrase yesterday. <BR> 'FENDER SKIRTS' <BR> <BR> <BR> A term I haven't heard in a long time, and thinking about <BR> 'fender skirts' started me thinking <BR> about other words that quietly disappear from <BR> our language with hardly a notice like '... Mon, 30 Jun 2014 14:31:45 EST The Maid http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5719223 <BR> The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "Now Maria,” she asked. “Why do you want more money?" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze." <BR> <BR> "The first is that I iron better than you." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Wife: "Who said you iron better than m... Mon, 16 Jun 2014 15:29:23 EST Golf http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5712154 <BR> > 3 ladies are <BR> > playing the 4th hole when a naked man wearing a bag over his <BR> > head jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The 3 <BR> > ladies look and are in shock at the size of his Manhood. The <BR> > first lady says well he definitely is not my Husband. The <BR> > second lady looks at his manhood and says he for sure is not <BR> > my Husband. The third lady takes a good look and Says. <BR> > " He's not even a member of this <BR> > club." <BR> > Fri, 6 Jun 2014 14:03:42 EST Old Ole http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5711408 <BR> >> Ole was hunting geese <BR> >> up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge <BR> >> against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck <BR> >> would have it, his foolish dog Dawson knocked the gun over, <BR> >> it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the <BR> >> groin. <BR> >> <BR> >> <BR> >> Several hours later, lying in a Duluth <BR> >> hospital bed, he came to and there was his doctor, Sven. <BR> >> "Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da <BR>... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 15:01:02 EST drinking buddies http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710795 <BR> Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Coors orders a Coors. When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda. Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks? Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I. <BR> <BR> <BR> Happiness <BR> Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, if you capture it agai... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 20:53:42 EST Husband and Wife http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5709867 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go... Tue, 3 Jun 2014 15:52:23 EST Little Johnny http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708755 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there." <BR> <BR> <BR> QUOTE: Success, Emerson <BR> "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciatio... Mon, 2 Jun 2014 09:33:58 EST Boss http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5707504 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door. After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!” <BR> <BR> TIP: <BR> <BR> <BR> Make better decisions faster <BR> If you’re straggling to make a tough decision after examining the issue from all an... Sat, 31 May 2014 13:34:46 EST The Wongs http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706105 <BR> Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. <BR> The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy. <BR> <BR> 'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents... <BR> 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?' <BR> <BR> The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him... <BR> <BR> Are you ready for this? <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 29 May 2014 14:09:45 EST Marine Pilot http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5705456 <BR> <BR> The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: <BR> <BR> Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. <BR> <BR> There were all the regular types of stuff. Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" <BR> <BR> "Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my mommy. She ... Wed, 28 May 2014 19:11:35 EST Confession http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5700614 <BR> A Man walked into a Washington D.C. Catholic Church Confessional. <BR> <BR> He tells the Priest: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the crap out of my congressman.” <BR> <BR> <BR> The Priest responds: "My son, I'm here to forgive your sins, not discuss your community service!" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Thu, 22 May 2014 09:34:39 EST Prayers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5699859 Thank you margemf: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? <BR> <BR> Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. <BR> Wed, 21 May 2014 09:35:58 EST