GEMGODDESS's SparkPeople Blog GEMGODDESS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community "Eating for your circadian rhythm" So, as a career insomniac, I've done research over time about brain chemistry and how it all works together. Always looking for new thoughts, new ideas, new things to try. I may have just struck gold. <BR> <BR> A few days ago, I ran across a website about eating to support your circadian rhythm. It stated that the best way to support your body's three stages was to eat only fruit before noon, take you meals between noon and 8pm, and fast from 8pm until morning (again eating only fruit aft... Sat, 8 Jan 2011 22:18:58 EST WTF? Challenge Entry Card 9/15/2010 <em>237</em> <em>194</em> <em>149</em> <em>311</em> <em>190</em> <em>346</em> <em>218</em> <em>466</em> <em>150</em> <BR> ~ GemGoddess' WTF??? Entry Card 9/15/2010 ~ <BR> <em>237</em> <em>194</em> <em>149</em> <em>311</em> <em>190</em> <em>346</em> <em>218</em> <em>466</em> <em>150</em> <BR> <BR> ENTRY CARD <BR> <BR> Starting Weight: 210 <BR> Starting dress size: Big 12 <BR> <BR> During this challenge, I have a general goal of learning to balance school, dancing, fitne... Sat, 18 Sep 2010 13:14:30 EST TIKI Challenge End Plate 9/1 <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> ~*~ GemGoddess' TIKI Challenge End Plate 9/1 ~*~ <BR> <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> <BR> STARTING WEIGHT: (@220-225lbs) <BR> ENDING WEIGHT: 207lbs <BR> TOTAL LOSS/GAIN: @13-18lbs <BR> <BR> MY BEFORE/AFTER PICS WILL BE POSTED with the team pix <BR> <BR> During the TIKI Challenge, my cardio was mostly focused on belly dancing and it worked well f... Fri, 3 Sep 2010 19:03:42 EST TIKI BLAST-WEEK 8/23-8/29 <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> ~*~ TIKI Challenge BLAST-WEEK 8/23-8/29 ~*~ <BR> <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> Since my last TIKI check in, I am proud to announce that I have received a bazillion 'you're loosing weight/you look great' comments! <BR> <BR> I promised that I would get myself prepared for back-to-school by being more responsible about sleep and I ended ... Wed, 25 Aug 2010 18:00:32 EST TIKI CHECK IN 8/16 <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> ~*~ GemGoddess' TIKI CHECK IN 8/16 ~*~ <BR> <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> <BR> Last week, I am proud to report that I accomplished: <BR> <BR> Cardio: Lotsa dancin'!!! <BR> Strength: Kicked BOOTY during Abs Wednesday evening. <BR> Flexibility: Always stretch for dance and swimming, of course. <BR> Rest: Friday night off, as always. <BR> Tota... Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:07:04 EST TIKI CHECK IN 8/2 <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> ~*~ GemGoddess' TIKI CHECK IN 8/2 ~*~ <BR> <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> I know rocked the TIKI Challenge in July because I FEEL REALLY GOOD and I knew I was on fire for sure when I started rearranging my house from top to bottom. If clutter on the inside = clutter on the outside, then the reverse must also be true! <BR> <BR> I push... Mon, 2 Aug 2010 18:26:41 EST TIKI CHECK IN 7/26 <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> ~*~ GemGoddess' TIKI CHECK IN 7/26 ~*~ <BR> <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <em>344</em> <BR> <BR> I am proud to report that I totally did AWESOME staying in my 1600-1700/day calorie range in the last 7 days, including switching to vegan week this weekend! <BR> <BR> I've been hesitant to try doing morning workouts again for exercise, but I think I may try it in Au... Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:53:45 EST TIKI CHECK IN 7/19 <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <BR> ~*~ GemGoddess' TIKI CHECK IN 7/19 ~*~ <BR> <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> Since July 12, I have succeeded in accomplishing: the implementation of my own personal "6 week belly dance bootcamp challenge", based on working HARD to be back in a size twelve by the time I go to the belly dance workshop in Orlando the last weekend in August. And rearranging a... Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:05:01 EST Salmon cakes, anyone? *WIN* I had this pouch of Chicken of the Sea pink salmon (this one IS fish, Jessica) in my fridge for a few weeks and just remembered what I'd intended to do with it: Make up a recipe for salmon cakes. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> 1 pouch (6oz) pink salmon <BR> 3tbsp Miracle Whip light <BR> 1 stalk finely chopped celery <BR> 2tbsp chopped green onion <BR> 1/4c Italian style bread crumbs <BR> 1/4c rolled oats (dry) <BR> 1 egg <BR> salt, p... Sun, 18 Jul 2010 19:52:15 EST A different way to make extra calories 'worth it'? I didn't do something right with my eating habits today,and I've been feeling it since the beginning of the day. The past few weeks have been really good - I'm exploring protein, and really aiming for 100g a day. <BR> <BR> Today = FAIL <BR> <BR> Protein powder and Luna bars are my friends. I'd never get anywhere NEAR 100g during Vegan Week without them. <BR> <BR> With my protein shake this morning, I had an english muffin with peanut butter. Normally, I eat oatmeal with walnuts and berr... Tue, 13 Jul 2010 18:47:37 EST TIKI Check-In July 12th <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <BR> GemGoddess' TIKI Check-In Monday July 12 <BR> <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <BR> <BR> In the last five days, without any guidance and being left entirely on my own, I have accomplished: <BR> <BR> Cardio: 7 hours in the dance studio, 15 minutes of swimming (first time in months!!!), 2.5 miles on the beach <BR> <BR> Strength Training: (Saturday) <BR> <BR> Nutrition: Continuin... Mon, 12 Jul 2010 18:08:28 EST TIKI CHALLENGE ENTRY CARD <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <BR> GemGoddess' TIKI CHALLENGE ENTRY CARD (July-August) <BR> <em>237</em> <em>67</em> <em>463</em> <em>150</em> <em>298</em> <BR> <BR> STARTING SIZE: 13/14 (tight!). I am choosing to 'get away from the numbers' during this challenge, and NOT weight myself or measure until the end. I want to judge my fitness by the clothes I can fit into and what I see in the mirror at the studio when I am dancing. <BR> <BR> My N... Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:11:51 EST Arrogance = Sabotage? So, I'm having another brainstorm in the past 48 hours or so, about this life-long procrastination habit, and suspecting that it is much, MUCH bigger than that. <BR> <BR> I think, maybe, it might have something to do with arrogance. I have started to accept certain truths about myself, and one of them is that I am arrogant in this empirical belief that I can master any task, fast and hard, no matter how many obstacles are stacked up to bolster the challenge. And if I can't do it, than it wa... Tue, 22 Jun 2010 10:03:25 EST Remove Emotion from the Equation? I've been thinking about how my brain works quite a bit during the past two weeks . That is a whole other topic, but suffice it to say that something happened to remind me that I'm a SCIENTIST by nature, and when there is nothing but emotionemotionemotion swirling in my head, I get very uncomfortable. And confused. <BR> <BR> I've been struggling for the past six months, a lot of life stuff has happened, divorce finalized, getting back in contact with my godchild (the love of my life) seve... Tue, 15 Jun 2010 11:59:09 EST I love you, Breakfast. I used to think that 'fasting' was ridiculous. Something done by religious zealots. It called up a visual of some skinny guy in robes sitting on a mountain top. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Since last August, I have been alternating 'Vegan Week' with 'Omni Week', where I would go one week without consuming any animal based foods at all, and then follow a diet including meat and dairy for a week. It came from a time last summer whe... Fri, 4 Jun 2010 22:23:38 EST I am not crazy. I shall now stop acting like I am. I'm going to do something different. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've been turning this over in my head, well, for weeks, I think, but more specifically, for several days. I just have to figure out WHAT exactly I'm going to do different. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It all really kicked into gear while I was watching a 'Bones' episode in which Cam says the cliche line to... Sat, 29 May 2010 12:58:13 EST I have an EX-husband now (aka: The last big hurdle to healing) So. My final divorce decree showed up in the mailbox yesterday. Why do strange things always happen to me on the 15th of the month? If you want Steph to remember something, attach it to the 15th. <BR> <BR> Of course, my EX HUSBAND couldn't be bothered to send a text on the 5th when he went to court and let me know that it was finalized and the papers would be showing up. Same thing happened when he filed last year...he let me get blindsided at the post office when I went to pick up a cer... Fri, 16 Apr 2010 16:08:04 EST Spooning. And then forking. It is strange and wonderful, the small, barely noticeable changes that make themselves while we are on this journey. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> A few weeks ago I was doing dishes, and I became aware of one: I use the small utensils now. <BR> <BR> The forks and spoons I would have bypassed all these years as 'kid-sized' are my standard. <BR> <BR> It is mildly uncomfortable to use the large ones, matter of fact. <BR> <BR> How WE... Sat, 13 Mar 2010 13:09:49 EST My first belly dance class (450 calories gone!) I've tried all sorts of activities in the past year, one of which is belly dance. I researched on youtube which instructor DVD I wanted, ordered one, and have danced with it a handful of times. A few months ago, I searched for studios in my area that have classes, found the one I wanted to go to, and just finally last Saturday, went in to check it out. <BR> <BR> It's a small place, friendly, comfortable. I went to an 'Intro to Belly dance' class Friday night, and had a good time! There w... Sun, 28 Feb 2010 20:24:03 EST Veggie fried (brown) rice, super easy and YUM!!! I just made this up: veggie fried rice, and it was fantastic and filling! <BR> <BR> ~cook brown rice in half veggie broth, half water, drain. <BR> ~heat 1/2 TBSP coconut oil in skillet, add cooked rice, 1 cup snow peas, 1 grated carrot, 2 stalks chopped green onion, cook over medium. <BR> ~add sea salt, pepper, a few sprinkles of sesame seeds, 1 TBSP soy sauce. <BR> ~cook until veggies are as tender as you like them. <BR> <BR> SO good, about 450 calories for the whole recipe, Im saving hal... Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:22:26 EST Things I learned at the water's edge Feel better...crash and burn...feel well...crash and burn...feel better...feel worse...feel MUCH worse...burn, since there wasn't any further 'down' to crash into...pick up well...crash and burn...feel better...get back up... <BR> <BR> Rinse, lather, repeat. <BR> <BR> It has been excruciatingly difficult to get back up from this recent fall. The one that happened in the slow-motion way you experience an accident. The one that started quietly at Christmas ... Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:56:39 EST Addressing all aspects of my fitness (aka The nature of abuse) These epiphanies...they just come faster and faster. <BR> <BR> I had a slip last night, but the details dont really matter, it was a slip with calories, and in light of my PERFECT past two months of calorie intake, warranted some thought. After my big time epiphany about overeating (etc.) being a form of abuse to one's Self (blog titled 'Abuse, November 23rd), it left me to wondering HOW that had happened, when I am so clear on the abuse part. What had gone pear-shaped in my brain to cause... Sat, 23 Jan 2010 17:15:19 EST Apple Pie Smoothie (220 calories) I have been trying different frozen fruit to make smoothies (rather than using ice, which I think takes away all the flavor), and I wondered the other day if freezing an apple sauce cup would work too. Boy did it ever. <BR> <BR> Here's my new recipe for an 'apple pie smoothie', REALLY good! <BR> <BR> 3/4c almond milk (original) <BR> 1/2tsp cinnamon <BR> 1/4c rolled oats <BR> 2tbsp wheat germ <BR> a little vanilla <BR> 1 (4oz) apple sauce cup (I use unsweetened organic 50 cal each) FROZEN ... Sun, 17 Jan 2010 14:42:35 EST Another great reason to TRACK YOUR FOOD!!! I was in the middle of packing lunch for tomorrow, which typically CURBS any snacking jones I have, and... <BR> <BR> Wait, let me back up. <BR> <BR> I was at the whole foods market after work and bought a beautiful slice of vegan carrot cake with tofutti cream cheese frosting, and had half after dinner, planning the other half for tomorrow. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've done so well with calories for the past 7 weeks, and have le... Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:17:50 EST Aroma and Fullness ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR> Aroma and Fullness (from, for personal reference) <BR> January 6th, 2010 <BR> <BR> If you’re like me, there was more good food this holiday season than you could eat. And even though I tried to balance my diet each day, sometimes my eyes were bigger than my stomach (especially when it came to my grandma’s pumpkin pie). For me, feeling full has always been a source of satisfaction—a feeling of completeness. <BR> <BR> Though I don’t have an... Sat, 9 Jan 2010 15:26:16 EST The 'Motivator of the Day' gets inspired! So I started getting all of these great 'congratulations' posts this morning, and I had to figure out why...turns out, I am sparkpeople's "Motivator of the Day" for today! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I didn't even know what that was. It took me most of the day to figure it out, and now YOU BET I am signed up for the emails -- I can't believe I've been here for almost three months and didn't know about that feature. <BR> <BR> So thanks to ... Wed, 6 Jan 2010 21:27:27 EST Let us now praise convenience foods Dude... I. am. lazy. <BR> <BR> If it weren't for convenience health food, I'd be dead. <BR> <BR> Okay, not really. Well maybe, cause I'm likely adding years to my life by eating healthier, so...yeah. <BR> <BR> I am AAAALLLLL about making this easy. I portion things into containers, I teach myself what 100-ish calories of everything looks like, rather than go by predetermined portions (easier to add up). <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I... Sat, 2 Jan 2010 14:55:28 EST "Never settle for anything less than extraordinary, or else life will suck..." "Never settle for anything less than extraordinary, or will suck. It might suck anyway, but it's better to suck with integrity." <BR> ~ Frankie (Ione Skye), Dream for an Insomniac <BR> <BR> <BR> I suddenly feel like I don't need to make resolutions. I feel like I need to make promises. To enter into a partnership WITH myself, not to resolve and resign to an un-fun list of tasks. Self is that "numero uno" they always talk about... Thu, 31 Dec 2009 18:16:32 EST I need a heart rate monitor. Suggestions? I don't know anything about them, but I am doing a lot of guessing on my calories burned, and I've finally decided I need some better data. I do so many different kinds of exercise, and I've gotten to the point where I'm a bit uncomfortable with so much educated estimating. I need some more concrete information on what I am doing! <BR> <BR> I saw a tiny one that fits on your finger when I was entertaining myself during an airport layover this weekend. I did not buy it. But almost. Blame... Wed, 30 Dec 2009 11:55:51 EST What I Learned on my Christmas Vacation I went to San Antonio for three and a half days. I had thought a bit about how I was going to handle an eating plan, and decided that I would concentrate on water intake, keep calories under control by eating only what I REALLY wanted, and ignoring the rest, and just basically being aware. <BR> <BR> I took my fancy water bottle with me, and did great with water Thursday-Saturday...Sunday was a weird eating day and a very LONG day, I need to think about how to keep those 'total lack of sched... Tue, 29 Dec 2009 21:48:05 EST The Epiphany: One Month Later It was Monday, November 23rd, around 7:30am when I had the big epiphany. The one where I realized that not taking care of myself was a form of abuse. And that NO one, least of all ME, was ever going to abuse me again. <BR> <BR> One solid month of PERFECT calorie-intake. Not one calorie over limit. And it has been easy. I am relaxed. I am confident. There is no desperation. No struggle. It feels like a puzzle, and all I have to do is make the pieces fit. Almost like a game... <BR> ... Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:14:20 EST Emotional fulfillment must come from somewhere. There is a 'something' going on, that I haven't been quite able put my finger on. <BR> <BR> I am a life-long insomniac - I've been doing well since May. Perhaps six weeks ago, I stayed up late online one night, found something of great interest. It kicked off a pattern of staying up, instead of doing what I know to do to take care of my sleep. <BR> <BR> I've been watching old episodes of 'Angel'. Heh. I've been reading episode recaps online of shows I used to really love. Things that m... Sun, 20 Dec 2009 10:49:16 EST Survival Plan for Christmas in the land of enchiladas and margaritas. I've been fretting over how to handle the 3.5 days I'll be in Texas over Christmas. Here's what I know: <BR> <BR> 1. I wasn't home for Thanksgiving or Christmas last year, so I'm REALLY missing my dad's holiday dinner (turkey, stuffing, mom's cheesecake, etc). And there WILL be leftovers. <BR> 2. I cannot get anything resembling Texas Mexican food here. I'm dying for Tex-Mex. I'm going to kill someone if I don't get a taco soon. <BR> 3. I will be going out for drinks/appetizers Saturd... Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:57:43 EST A message to my Self on my 33rd birthday. Dear Self, <BR> <BR> This birthday is hitting hard. Probably because this is the first birthday after accepting that the marriage, that life, everything that was supposed to be, is really over. <BR> <BR> We've survived hell. We are sure not intact, but we are breathing. We don't feel like a success. We bounce back and forth between feeling like every chance in life has passed us by, and being cautiously optimistic about another chance. <BR> <BR> Just being able to consider the future..... Sun, 13 Dec 2009 22:27:52 EST Are you strong enough to work out? I started working out almost a year ago, walking on the beach, and with a few DVDs from the Yoga Booty Ballet series. I fell in love with YBB, and before long had almost every one in the series. There is a Master Series workout 'Goddess Booty', which I did a few times six months ago, but was not impressed. The workout wasn't boring, but I didn't feel like it DID anything. I had no sore muscles, NOTHING! A few months went by, and I was looking for workouts I could do in the morning - I on... Fri, 11 Dec 2009 19:18:44 EST Psst. Hey. It's me. Your body. Are you listening to me? I talk. I chatter to you all the time. I'm actually kinda a blabber-mouth. You seriously don't hear it? Maybe YOU need to have your hearing checked, pal! <BR> <BR> I whisper. I shout. I sing. I send smoke signals. I tell you all the time what we need. I get pretty upset when you ignore me completely. I know you get confused, but I'm always trying to tell you what the right thing is. I need you to hear me. You need you to hear me. And not only hear, but LISTEN. It is an action.... Wed, 9 Dec 2009 22:24:09 EST A benefit of being too busy to eat? So. I have literally enough work for two people. I spend my days running around like the proverbial chicken with my proverbial head cut off. Without all the clucking. It has been making me tense and anxious, I feel like I am running and running but never getting anywhere. I'm tired, stressed, and scatterbrained. <BR> <BR> Over the weekend, after a BAD week, I've started letting a thought percolate, something about accepting that I have too much work and not enough time. And that is it.... Mon, 7 Dec 2009 20:56:34 EST Help me learn about smoothies: What do you like? So I've been thinking about smoothies for a few weeks. My friend the dietician always mentions them as almost a 'secret weapon' for healthy eating. <BR> <BR> I've never tried to make them because it seemed like a lot of effort for some liquid which wouldn't fill me up! But I've noticed my volume needs have dropped recently - I just don't seem to need as much food as I used to in order to be satisfied. *WIN* I also have snacks built into my day before working out, and a smoothie might be ... Sun, 6 Dec 2009 19:25:02 EST Finishing up 2009 with a few 'Pre-New-Years-Resolutions' We have three and a half weeks to go before 2010 begins. I want to 'gun it coming off of the line' in 2010! I want to make it the best year of my life. The year where I am free to be my true Self, with all of the good things that I deserve. <BR> <BR> It's been two weeks since that lightening bolt from the sky pierced my thick noggin, and I realized that I couldn't allow my Self to abuse my Self ever again, and that not taking care of my Self is abusive. <BR> <BR> In the past two weeks, I... Sun, 6 Dec 2009 11:13:10 EST Do you have a 'snack drawer'? *I* have a 'snack drawer'. Something I started a while back was teaching myself what 100 calories of different foods looks like. I started it before I found sparkpeople, but was balancing calories on my own, so having things broken up into easier math made a BIG difference. I did a major cleaning project last weekend, and cleaned out the whole refrigerator, and I made one of the crisper drawers my '100 cal snack drawer'. <BR> <BR> In my drawer currently are snack size baggies filled with 100 calories measurements of... Sat, 5 Dec 2009 16:36:01 EST Not letting those @#$*%& get me down. Things have sucked the past few days at work. And the past few weeks. And actually, the past few months. But having a really tough few days. <BR> <BR> I've had a bit of a bobble, but I'm holding the line. I was wound up about it all the other night and stayed up a little late, waiting to unwind. And then my concert (the only bright spot in the past few days was seeing Joe Perry ((Aerosmith guitarist)) play a club show...*sigh*), so I was up late again. And then last night, again, wound... Fri, 4 Dec 2009 19:17:25 EST "Cake Night" A couple months ago, I had a week-long affair with a different sinful treat from the Italian market every night. Mango cheesecake...triple layer chocolate mousse cake (white/milk/dark, holy crap!)...flourless chocolate cake...carrot cake...German chocolate...Orange cheesecake...blueberry cheesecake... <BR> <BR> I. love. cake. Not pie. Not pastries. Cake. Cheesecake or chocolate cake, that's my poison. I feel the same way about pie crust as I do about those little crunchy thingies in ... Thu, 3 Dec 2009 20:04:57 EST Estimating restaurant calories No big deep thought here - I saw a post which reminded me about the need for learning to eat out. I picked up a TON of info a few months ago while scanning through this site: <BR> <BR><BR>chesolr_search/worst?filters=type%3Aar<BR>ticle_collection <BR> <BR> Biggest thing I learned? How CALORIE HEAVY chicken caesar salad is! (I LOVE chicken caesar salad.) <BR> <BR> You may find some surprising things. Some of them are GOOD surprises! <BR> <BR> ... Tue, 1 Dec 2009 18:48:26 EST The *moment* you REALLY begin your journey When was that moment? Has it happened yet? How many SKAZILLIONS of times have you made that next big plan? Done the 'health food' grocery shopping trip? Charted which days and times you are going to walk however many miles? Watched a late-night infomercial and almost ordered the DVD? Had THAT conversation with yourself? Again. How many arrangements with friends have you made for working out together, only to find a few weeks later that you are doing all the motivating, without even eno... Sat, 28 Nov 2009 18:11:06 EST "Yesterday, I Cried" (by Iyanla Vanzant) Yesterday, I cried. <BR> I came home, went straight to my room, <BR> sat on the edge of my bed, <BR> kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra, <BR> and I had myself a good cry. <BR> I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale. <BR> I cried until my ears were hot. <BR> I cried until my head was hurting so bad <BR> that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet. <BR> I want you to understand, <BR> I had myself a really good cry yesterd... Sat, 28 Nov 2009 16:25:48 EST It pisses me off to work hard on a blog, only to loose the ENTIRE thing due to ONE word. Wow. That sucks. It tells you "No Profanity Please" (which is fine), and then you hit 'back'...and your. entire. blog. is. g...o...n...e... The one you just spent an HOUR working on. And it was good. Motivational. Important, to you, and maybe to someone else. <BR> <BR> That is a big pile of crap. <BR> <BR> *sigh* <BR> <BR> I'll have to try it again tomorrow. I don't have the energy to do it again. <BR> <BR> Damn. Sat, 28 Nov 2009 00:24:41 EST Quiet Control The past several days have been amazing. My realization about not taking care of myself and my fitness being a form of abuse - it has rocked me to my bones. Not in a bad way, it makes me smile when I think about it. I am in control. A soft, passive, AWARE control. I don't feel like I arm-wrestling this thing to the ground anymore. I don't feel like I have to hunt it down and shoot it. <BR> <BR> I have no fear that I will 'fall off the wagon' again. I can't imagine it happening. If I ... Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:08:32 EST Abuse I've survived a lot of abuse in the past few years. I fought it kicking and screaming the whole time, but it still happened. And only today, this very morning, did I realize that what I've been doing to myself isn't just 'not good for me', it is damaging. It is ABUSE. And that is unacceptable. <BR> <BR> I was reading a sparkpeople blog this morning while eating my cereal, and the word 'abuse' jumped off the page. Major, big-time, in my bones, tears involved, IMMEDIATE realization. End... Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:12:07 EST "Hair Removal Don'ts" (for any gals who could use a good laugh) Now, it's tough to make me laugh, but I was wiping tears out of my eyes the first time I read this (not my story, but we can all relate in some small way)... <BR> <BR> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR> 'Cold Wax' <BR> <BR> All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. <BR> <BR> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thoug... Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:35:21 EST Entering Phase III Well. Here I am. After the toughest two-three weks or so, in the past six months or so, after a BIG fall off the wagon, and right on the heels of what seemed like some breakthroughs that weren't. <BR> <BR> Or rather, they were breakthroughs, but I am also still fragile and vulnerable to outside stressors, like bosses, and especially my near-Ex. I watched it happen. I wallowed. I'm done. <BR> <BR> Phase I was my first ten months of weight loss (I don't count the fifteen or so 'misery po... Sun, 15 Nov 2009 15:49:34 EST