FLUTTER-BY)L('s SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=FLUTTER%2DBY%29L%28 FLUTTER-BY)L('s Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Reminder what success looks like for me. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5965561 I started another blog on blogspot. But decided to post it here too. <BR> <BR> Lots of things are changing in my life. I am the mom of 6 kids, only 3 still live at home. I was a stay at home mom. I have been back to work for a couple of years. I may work more full time this fall. I am not sure yet. My third son will leave at the end of this year. I am a grandma. Lots of things look different. Even though my youngest is still in grade school many parts of my life look different tha... Thu, 23 Jul 2015 16:22:06 EST New Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5964597 I needed a change. Started Blogging off Spark people. <BR> <BR> Come visit if you like. <BR> http://shrinkingflutterby.blogspot.com/ Tue, 21 Jul 2015 23:15:47 EST Days 3 and 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5949409 Ate eggs for breakfast on Sunday. today Chile sounded awesome. Tomorrow it will be back to eggs. Life is good. <BR> <BR> My daughter wants to go on a pioneer trek. So today I have been sewing. Enjoyed it. <BR> <BR> Still trying to eat only until full. I think I am struggling more with it than I used to. <BR> <BR> So let's make tomorrow great. Mon, 22 Jun 2015 21:27:09 EST Day 2/100 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5948306 My little guy made me eggs. Because Momma that was on your paper and I want to make them. What a great support he will be. I really need to figure out how to better ask for support. <BR> <BR> Today is my 29th anniversary. <BR> <BR> Thanks for the advice to take out one carb at a time. I think my approach is to add a positive. One meal at a time. First eggs for breakfast and regularly checking my blood sugar. Taking insulin as needed. <BR> <BR> My other low hanging fruit is so ... Sat, 20 Jun 2015 18:42:24 EST Trying to find the courage and strength to do this again -OR-still. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5947887 My 2015 has been difficult and a bit crazy. <BR> <BR> My daughter has medical problems. I quit my job as a substitute classroom aide to be home again to care for her. she is making progress but it is slow going. <BR> <BR> I have not been on a challenge team singe I hurt my finger and could no longer lift weights. i miss having a home on SP. My former team broke up. I miss those who I thought were my friends. <BR> <BR> I decided to come back. Some have unfriended me. I thought ... Fri, 19 Jun 2015 19:29:20 EST Starting and restarting my journey. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5893138 Yes, I have been on this journey a very long time. I was almost to onederland and then turnede around and started back up the scale. I was going down and have started back up. I am at my highest weight since starting SP. I am depressed but reluctant to start. <BR> <BR> My excuses are simply lack of motivation. I think I am too tired to wake up in the morning and start exercising. I don't feel well. I am sure it is due to my weight and out of control blood sugar. I just need to get ... Sun, 15 Mar 2015 02:36:35 EST Tentatively avoiding the glitch http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5868225 My daughter has had a headache since the day after Christmas. Migraine meds were not working. we found out on Friday that she has too much spinal fluid. We don't know why or exactly what we are going to do about it. Life is an adventure. <BR> <BR> I am still trying to figure out how we are working in a better eating style for the family. <BR> <BR> Mon, 2 Feb 2015 21:53:19 EST Time to remember http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5865653 Well, yesterday I changed my profile picture. I want to be at my goal weight by my 50th birthday in October of 2016. I want a leather jacket as a reward. <BR> <BR> I got a ninjas blended for fruit and vegetable smoothies for. Christmas. I want to have one daily. I will have soup or salad for lunch daily. <BR> <BR> I got some nice yarn to knit with to remind myself that there are other treats besides food. <BR> <BR> I also got a notebook to write in she I want sweets. Truth is I on... Fri, 30 Jan 2015 02:35:57 EST Wow, Long time No Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5864785 I had no idea that it had been so long since I blogged. <BR> <BR> My son who is serving a mission is doing well in Peru. Lots of differences in culture but, he is learning so much. He is working hard too. <BR> <BR> My hand is doing well. I had it fused on December 3. I can take the brace off in the day time if I do not lift anything heavy. <BR> <BR> We have struggled with the elimination diet. I want to get back to that. My son has stomch problems. My daughter has had a migraine... Wed, 28 Jan 2015 20:47:51 EST Practice the victories. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5798413 I have been working and recommitting to this process again. I make it closer to my desired goal each time. But alas I struggle to stay the course. Eventually I get distracted and my inner toddler comes out shouting about what she wants, while my inner 8 year old States that it is not fair while my inner teenager pouts it doesn't matter anyway. <BR> <BR> From time to time I manage to calm myself down and get to work. <BR> <BR> I watch Biggest loser from the Internet. I don't remember m... Wed, 15 Oct 2014 02:05:36 EST Why? Why? Why? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5794144 Restarting Beck Diet Solution. In the past I was almost down to onederland. Then I turned around and ran back to almost the place I started. I want to move forward and have success again. It is not that what I chose was not sustainable. I just didn't and now the journey seems so long. So here I am again reminding myself why I want to be smaller <BR> The best answer is for my health. I know when I eat better I feel better. That is a fact but is not motivational because hey I am just st... Tue, 7 Oct 2014 15:39:52 EST How we make others feel. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5790717 I took a bit of a break from Spark People. Working and such. <BR> <BR> Last week I arrended another friends funereal. This one is OK. We will miss him but at nearly 94 he lead a good life. <BR> <BR> He would tell you about his accomplishments. But he would also say " Do you know how awesome you are?" Then he would turn to others and tell them. It was a great thing. He and another old man shared a birthday with my son's friend. The three of them went out to birthday breakfast for se... Wed, 1 Oct 2014 21:48:54 EST What if...? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782547 A very supportive friend sent me a message. She has been struggling for a while now, which I knew. I have been too. We encouraged each other to the brink of onederland. Then slowly life and trials have gotten in the way. We are struggling. I would say together but we both pulled back from SP a bit. We both have had some life struggles. We have pulled apart. Maybe we are overwhelmed or embarrassed. Some days,for me the journey back to success seems just to far. Starting seems just a... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 20:10:23 EST Accepting the compliment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778905 At the orthodontist on Thursday a young women asked if I am the mother of my 3rd son. She went to school with him in elementary school. He is now 22. She said I look just the same. She followed it up with You look great. I am sad that I am not thinner. But my husband told me I just need to take the compliment. That is hard. I will be 48 next month. I don't look that old. <BR> <BR> It is time to work harder to get to where I want to go. <BR> <BR> I am frustrated with my A1c. I nee... Sat, 13 Sep 2014 01:34:21 EST What can I do different? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5765500 New habits are a must. Doing something different will get us to some place different. Maybe even a place that seems to be a bit of a fantasy right now. <BR> <BR> I used to knit and crochet to avoid/reduce night time eating. With my finger injured that is not an option. I have made cards for card weaving. I will make the loom soon. I got the stuff. I have books to read. I like FB & SP. I am writing too. <BR> <BR> I know that just paying attention will help. What have you found... Sat, 23 Aug 2014 12:48:47 EST Things I usually do http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5765187 I am an imperfect perfectionists. I tend to have all or nothing thinking. I say for example I want to read or listen to scriptures daily. I go along well for a few days and then when the habit is new I wander off from it. <BR> <BR> So today I am making a paper list of things I have done in the past. I am calling this my things I usually do. I feel good about the change as I helps me reduce the all or nothing thinking. <BR> <BR> Some things are: <BR> Eat on a smaller plate. <BR> Eat s... Fri, 22 Aug 2014 22:13:29 EST Rethinking who I think I am. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764518 For some reason I was taught as a child to doubt every compliment. My former stepmom was a very sad person. As I think back she apparently wanted to stay that way. <BR> <BR> I was told the head of cub day camp likes my attitude and wants me back for a third year. <BR> <BR> I have been asked to sit on several Eagle Board of Reviews. <BR> <BR> Last week in church 2 library ladies complimented my hair. They said it always looked shiny and pretty. My answer was that I always thought it... Thu, 21 Aug 2014 21:11:34 EST Creativity and joy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5760652 I am enjoying eating fruits and vegetables. I love the taste,smell and texture. Eating different foods is great. I love the creativity of that. <BR> <BR> I also studied card weaving some more. I got <BR> u embroidery floss and made the cards. I have been looking at patterns and such. <BR> <BR> I feel better having been creative. I don't know if it is because of the creativity orcbecause I was not sitting around today thinking about the woes of my hand. Sat, 16 Aug 2014 01:54:49 EST Creativity and joy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5760651 I am enjoying eating fruits and vegetables. I love the taste,smell and texture. Eating different foods is great. I love the creativity of that. <BR> <BR> I also studied card weaving some more. I got <BR> u embroidery floss and made the cards. I have been looking at patterns and such. <BR> <BR> I feel better having been creative. I don't know if it is because of the creativity orcbecause I was not sitting around today thinking about the woes of my hand. Sat, 16 Aug 2014 01:54:16 EST Slow up and down progress. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5759889 I have BIG BIG BIG doubts that I will succeed. I get a ways down the path and turn around and run back to the familiar. I am working to make better choices and learn new things. I want a new normal where I have faith in me and my success. <BR> <BR> It is hard to have faitbin the unknown. <BR> Thu, 14 Aug 2014 21:23:37 EST Eating http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5758621 I looked through a book and flound some yummy recipes that were vegan. Not that I want to eat that way all the time. However I thought I would incorporate them I to my eating. I got overwhelmed at the store. So I bought a bunch of vegetables at the grocery store and farm market. I have enjoyed eating them. But mostly plain. Tue, 12 Aug 2014 23:53:00 EST Laughs http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5757824 I have been trying to have a better attitude. We are having a lazy sunned. If I go.out to do stuff my hand swells. <BR> <BR> Enjoyed some funny FB videos. <BR> <BR> I have watched Hitch and Ella Enchanted. Today we will watch Bicentennial Man in honor of Robin Williams. I also want to watch Secondhand Lion. <BR> <BR> I am trying to pay attention to the comical in my life. Mon, 11 Aug 2014 21:09:07 EST Body image http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5756421 Once when I was a young girl I watched Miss America competition with my then step mother. I don't have any idea what I said but I remember vividly my step mom telling me I could never compete like that because of my scars. When I was almost six I nearly died in a car accident. I am fine now except for some scars on my back and arms plus some well covered by my hair (great plastic surgeon) Most of the time they do not affect me. But I have this issue with my finger. In a few months I w... Sat, 9 Aug 2014 15:49:18 EST easy button yes reset NO http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5755362 I was thinking about my troubles. Wishing for a reset button. This and that are so HARD but then I considered all that I have accomplished and all that I have Learned. I guess that is better than any reset. <BR> <BR> But then I though about the easy button. That sounds appealing. Don't have one but it is time to figure out how I can set my life up easier. <BR> <BR> I can only buy the healthy foods. If it is not here I won't go find it. <BR> <BR> I con getcto bed on time so that I wil... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 21:32:34 EST Just not good. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5754242 My friend told me I am the most positive person she knows. I told her she needs better friends. <BR> <BR> I thought I was doing better with bloodsugar control. Nope so my insulin was increased and moved to morning. <BR> <BR> I went to the hand surgeon. He said we will let it heal for a couple of months then fuse it. He said removing the finger was also an option. That scares me. This is sooooooo not fun Wed, 6 Aug 2014 09:45:28 EST Summer energy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752780 Lots of positive things have happened this summer. I am so grateful for the happy times. But I am also hummed out about my hand needing therapy and another surgery. Many daily tasks are difficult. It seems to be coloring the whole summer. <BR> <BR> I am trying to reset my thinking to be more positive. I want to change the energy I concentrate on so it will be more positive. <BR> <BR> I am a work in progress and that is OK. Mon, 4 Aug 2014 09:24:21 EST Long time coming http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752180 It has been a very long time since I looked in the mirror and felt beautiful. Recently I have been in pictures with my new grandson, my newly married son and his bride and I even asked my husband to take a picture of the two of us together when we were taking pictures. <BR> <BR> He did not want a picture of himself. But then he printed one of those for his desk. That was hard to not say negative things about myself as he did that. <BR> <BR> This week I was at cub scout day camp all week.... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 10:42:49 EST Embrace the current and allow for growth. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5723001 I don't like the idea of not being enough. I don't want to be stupid. I hats the thought of being inexpireanced. But I also say I want to learn. These two things seem to be mutually exclusive. <BR> <BR> Ismail learning it is better to admit where I am at go myself and others. That is the way I learn. Only by honesty with myself can I hope to learn and change. Sat, 21 Jun 2014 20:15:08 EST My reach for the stars http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5722283 Over the last few days I have been thinking about what dreams I still want to accomplish. What dream is still left. <BR> <BR> The one that I keep coming back to is writing. I used to tell my sister long stories as we fell asleep at night. I had not thought about that in years. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I got a large spiral notebook and an assortment of pens. Over the next 100 days I am going to journal,blog and write in this spiral. I look forward to what I might learn. I ensnare found some... Fri, 20 Jun 2014 16:58:34 EST Casey Kasem: 'Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars' http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5720667 As I entered my teens I was given my grandpa's black transistor radio. You could open the back and put in 4 large D cell batteries or take out the wall plug and plug it into the wall. I usually did that because Dad did not want to buy cases of batteries. I soon found the weekly countdown of "American Top 40". I loved the story nature and the music. I even loved the ending quote 'Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars'. I was filled with the romantic dreams of my f... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 12:48:26 EST ENOUGH http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5719539 I read a friends blog. She had a depressing thing happen at the gym. Even though she was disheartened, she exercised for 30 minutes. I think this is awesome. She felt she should have done more. I am trying to learn to trust myself. I would do the same thing. <BR> <BR> My doctor has encouraged me to make small changes. I do but then I feel like a failure because I have not done more. I don't want to get to the end of summer (or my life) and wish I had done more. <BR> <BR> I am tryi... Tue, 17 Jun 2014 01:53:09 EST fail forward snd learn http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5718034 Yesterday I listened to an old episode of a knitting podcast called Single Handed Knits. She talked about playing with a ball of nice yarn, making mistakes ripping out and trying new things. She talked about learning from failure. She said fail forward and be willing to learn. I love that statement. I hats to admits to what I don't know but I do know this attitude will help me move forward. Sat, 14 Jun 2014 19:29:17 EST Summer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5717375 Every year I ask my kids what they would like ti learn during the summer. So, I have decided to mane a theme for me. <BR> <BR> My summer theme is "commit to health with kindness." There might be some cookie or ice cream but there will also be lots od fresh fruits and vegetables. <BR> <BR> I also plan on learning to make some humus. I will make jelly too. We will swim read watch movies and sort and dejunk. All of this without guilt for not having finished already. Fri, 13 Jun 2014 18:06:59 EST Today's thoughts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5716651 On the back of my bathroom door is a motivational poster that I have successfully ignored for several months. Love the way it looks but somehow I have not followed up and lost much weight. I am about 6 pounds lower than the first weight of the year. A pound a month is better than nothing, however, I am in the range of where I fluctuate. So I am not feeling the success of the small weightloss. <BR> <BR> Instead I am listening to the negativity in my head. I know that I could talk another ... Thu, 12 Jun 2014 17:14:23 EST wondering how http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706734 Be careful that you don't let pop culture "Wisdom" and well meaning friends derail you from your progress. I gave up sugar, ate lean meat and vegetables with an occasional whole grain on the side. I lost weight doing this...Until people started telling me that is an impossible way to live. The truth is I liked it and felt good. It was wonderful. Until the should of failure creeped in. You should eat this cookie, don't you miss cake? Well yes I miss the idea of cake, love the carbohydra... Fri, 30 May 2014 11:04:37 EST OLD http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706468 I have never felt old. I found a coworker on my facebook. Turns out she is my cousin's sister in law. I am a substitute classroom aide in a small school district. My cousin said of my coworker that she was also married to a red head. My coworker laughed and said he hasn't been a red head in years. I guess we forgot we grew up and then got old. I am not sure when that happened. I am less than 50. But another friend died this week. I am reminded of how short life is. Some how I need t... Fri, 30 May 2014 01:16:45 EST The Truth http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5695994 I would like to be clear SP friends. My blog yesterday I was in no way trying to judge the lady in the grocery store. I did not see what she bought. I was paying attention to my own groceries. If she can still eat sugar and not be on insulin more power to her. I was very taken aback by her reaction to my giving up sugar. I felt a bit attacked. I also wondered about her reaction. AND then there is the other stuff that happened this weekend. <BR> <BR> Last Thursday my first grandson ... Thu, 15 May 2014 22:23:40 EST Dear Grocery Story Lady http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5695010 I was behind you in line at the grocery store today. You were in a wheelchair and the checker took extra time to help you get packed up. That was fine and you seemed in good spirits. As you finished the last few bits of packing up the checker moved on to me. You saw my water flavor enhancer and commented that those were nasty tasting and expensive. i said that I am giving up sugar and that was a little push to help keep me moving in the right direction. <BR> <BR> Your answer was that ... Wed, 14 May 2014 14:42:44 EST In the middle there was kindness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5652274 I wanted to start with in the begining. But, I am not at the begining. I have been struggling to get traction since 2014 began. I went to the doctor, My A1c was up not down. He encourage me to go easier and make small steps. Although I have blogged about it. I tend to be an all or nothing kind of thinker and this has been the cause of me being too hard on myself. <BR> <BR> So I want to take a new and hopedully simpler apprach that is kind. This weeks goal is to be mindfull of being ... Thu, 20 Mar 2014 09:53:48 EST 2014 is the year to make it happen and why http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5646638 During 2014 I will: <BR> * have a grandson born to my oldest son and his wife. <BR> * welcome a new daughter into the family when my second son gets married. <BR> * send 2 sons on missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. <BR> * end the year with only 2 of 6 children home. <BR> <BR> During 2014 I hope to: <BR> 1. have increased my spirituality by reading, praying and journaling daily (most of the time) <BR> 2. have organized my home by breaking the tasks down into man... Thu, 13 Mar 2014 01:49:16 EST return to blogging. I am back. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5645269 Wow, I did not realize I had not blogged since last year. Yikess, I knew I was not in a good mental place this year. I am really struggling with listening to the negative voice in my head. I am not meeting any of my goals. It is time to get some movement in the right direction. The begining of the year has had budget issuse and I got sick too. I am ready to get back to weight loss. Time to get back on track. <BR> <BR> So my simple goal for this month is to get and keep my kitchen cl... Tue, 11 Mar 2014 10:50:12 EST Motivation poster http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5577289 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1476060703.jpg"> <BR> <BR> My kids helped me draw the clothes. <BR> <BR> The scary part is that I put a space to write my weight in on the first of every month. The sad part is that my kids might see. But I told them to be nice. To get something different I nrrd to do something different. <BR> <BR> Here is to an awesome 2014! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Wed, 1 Jan 2014 00:11:29 EST Negativity http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5557258 There is so much uncertianty and negativity roaming around in my head. I really want to get this to stop. I want to have a new start. Somehow though I continue to move along this path. <BR> <BR> So I am working to add positive thoughts and not listen to the negative ones unless there is some basis in fact. <BR> <BR> I have affermations and some prayer thrown in. <BR> <BR> I hope this works. Thu, 5 Dec 2013 01:32:48 EST To my friend. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5556432 Sad times of recent date. I went to see you about 2 weeks ago today. Feeling bad that we had lost touch after I moved. Your sister posted on Facebook encouraging visitors and you address in the nursing home. People younger than me are not supposed to be in nursing homes. Should not happen. I wondered breafly about why you were there. But the thoughts of why quickly left in favor of plans of the errands I needed to run and where I thought the address was. <BR> <BR> I am so grateful I... Wed, 4 Dec 2013 01:09:08 EST Time to act Thankful for the life I have been given. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5552390 My doctor told me his mentor would rather treat an Aids patient than someone with diabetes. Because the aids patients are scared. The diabetics don't realize the situation they are in. <BR> <BR> I am in denial. I don't want to admit that I have diabetes. I know that I do. I don't want to have problems. I don't want to realize that I can cause my own problems. <BR> <BR> I have plenty to be grateful for. I have been avoiding facing the problem. It has felt too big. I need to start... Thu, 28 Nov 2013 19:35:24 EST Thinking the difficult thoughts... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5508547 and remembering the hard times. <BR> <BR> I was in a very bad car accident when I was nearly 6. I spent my sixth birthday in the hospital fighting to live. I nearly did not make it here to this point in my life. <BR> <BR> Tonight I am copying a trunk full of my grandma's pictures and some other stuff onto my computer to save to a DVD. This blog most likely belongs in my journal. But, I am not ready to wake my husband and talk. <BR> <BR> I just read a letter written by my aunt to ... Wed, 9 Oct 2013 02:26:55 EST Dream with consequences. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5499838 I am headed off to bed to dream. When I thought of that just now I wondered what my dream is. What it is exactly that I want to be. Why am I taking such a long time to reach my weight goal. Why do I make progress and then run back towards the old familiar unhealthy habits. When I notice the foods that I eat I know that the unhealthy foods do not taste as good as I image that they will and they are not satisfying. Will I ever again be comfortable with food? How will I get to that place?... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 01:11:20 EST thinking out loud http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5490421 I have asked myself many times if I believe that goal is possible. I have hoped, I have prayed, I have worked, I have pondered and I have worked some more, in the end I seem to be filled with doubt. I am not sure if I have ever believed that I can do this. That I can some how amaze myself defy the odds and become the women that I want to be. I doubt this and I keep running from the possibility back to old familiar habits. <BR> <BR> I went to a new doctor this week. This doctor is consid... Thu, 19 Sep 2013 17:17:15 EST Rewriting my goals to only contain positive thoughts. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5487120 So I am still stressing. I want a different outcome. I am sick of what feels like going around in circles. <BR> <BR> I am stressed because my husbands paycheck was awful. I am blessed because I have a house to live in and food to eat. Even if it is not what I want today. I can make it work. I will make it work. <BR> <BR> Here goes: <BR> 1. I choose the healthiest foods available. (I do most of the shopping. I have the power-Hear a super hero voice on that last bit. <em>104</em... Mon, 16 Sep 2013 10:40:28 EST Just sayin' to myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5486812 Well I have been sick this week. I did not start my goals as planned. Tonight I have been listening to my kids and pondering exactly what I want to do. I have just less than a month to my birthday. If I follow a plan I have some habits built buy then. <BR> <BR> I want to eat no sugar. I know everyone is getting tired of hearing about that one. I feel strong and accomplished when I do it. I like how I feel, then somehow I feel sorry for myself and go back eating the junk. I know bet... Mon, 16 Sep 2013 02:26:06 EST