FLUTTER-BY)L('s SparkPeople Blog

Lessons learned on the way to my son's Eagle Rank

Fri, 17 May 2013 16:46:41 EST

Please allow me to be a proud Mom and say that my son was awarded Boy Scout's highest rank this week. He is now and forever an Eagle scout.

I have learned many lessons on the way to this rank. There are so many lessons the scouts learn and many lessons to be learned by the parents too.

I learned about failure before I saw the success. He took on a large project in a time that people are feeling financial stress instead of feeling giving. He put 8 benches and a 10...

Dear Sweets

Wed, 15 May 2013 14:06:50 EST

Dear Sweets,
I am noticing that i am giving you far too much attention. Now, normally I don't keep score in relationships. I have lots of lovely people in my life that I take the relationship on many levels. So relationships are deep and very meaningful, others are rather shallow and maybe short term. You know for now friends. Fun to talk to in line at the store, in a class or whatever, but really don't reach past that. I also have an average family with people I live with and exte...

A letter to my mom.

Tue, 14 May 2013 15:01:41 EST

Dear Mom,
I have been thinking about this since before Mother's day. I would give much to be able to get a stamp that would send a letter all the way to you. I wish even more that I could get one back. I have been a mother much longer than you mothered me on this earth. But I would still give you credit for teaching me so much that was good.

I feel that you can check in on our lives and I hope that it makes you happy. Thanks for giving me a good foundation to build thi...

A letter to my mom.

Tue, 14 May 2013 15:01:41 EST

Can it be true?

Mon, 6 May 2013 13:21:48 EST

When a friend is having a tough time I say encouraging things to them. I believe the things that I am saying. I know that encouragement can help get us through the tough times and the power of talking things through and being reasonable.

Somehow when it comes to my own struggles I don't trust it to be so. I mess up and I really get this defeatist thinking in my head. I haven't completed this journey so I will never complete it. I ate junk so I will always eat junk. I strugg...

I am beautiful and competent

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 19:48:11 EST

I am beautiful. I am competent.

I have been struggling to stay on task. Not doing very well at it.

I have also started working very part time recently. I am a substitute classroom aide. Which means I am the new kid every day. I am only working a few days every month. Well I have been using the work time as an excuse to mentally beat myself up for being overweight. I also am hard on myself if I don't quite understand what I am supposed to do. I feel a bit off...

Round and round again.

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:24:50 EST

I don't want to be the proverbial boiled frog. I don't want to slowly get warmer until I am boiled.

But, today I got the letter from my doctor that reminded me of what I need to do to become healthy. The first best advice is to get a routine. I resist this. I could make one. Most days I am home alone. I need to figure this out. I need to make a schedule. I keep getting in my own way.

I am going to continue to work on this and get a good schedule for Monday. ...

Still working on a plan.

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 01:54:12 EST

Taking care of myself:
1. Don't ask questions just get up, dress, eat a snack and get on the bike.
*Remember it is just better not to ask questions...Just do it!
2. Spend a bit of time lifting weights.
3. Eat a healthy breakfast.
*I feel less like giving into cravings when I have eaten.
4. Get the tidying stuff during the day and most importantly at the end of the day. It will be easier to do the stuff tomorrow if I have done today's work.
5. Reme...

Borrowing joy.

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 11:12:46 EST

I have been stuck.

I tell myself mean things and keep myself stuck.

I have been off of sugar for 5 days so far. I am making progress. I am following my plan to ride 10 miles every weekday during spring break. I did it on Friday and again today.

So I listened to a talk on my ipod. The person was talking about the choices that we make and the tough times that happen in life. After talking about someone's struggles the speaker talked about choosing jo...

A big blue bird.

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 01:50:15 EST

The first day of spring came in typical Oregon fashion...Rain storms complete with wind. I have been thinking how uncommitted I have been to this journey. I have given in to lots of cravings lately. I was feeling grey. Just like the weather today. I was wondering if spring would ever come. I was also wondering IF I would ever stay committed.

Then I looked out my kitchen window. My trees are still mostly bare. Not much change from the winter. But, in the middle of the tree ...

Tomorrow is now...

Sat, 9 Mar 2013 15:58:57 EST

I wake up in the morning and think...Tomorrow I will organize my kitchen so that I can make healthy foods and clean my living room so I can exercise... I will shop at the store to buy healthy foods...Tomorrow I will do several things to get healthy... You know the tomorrow that never comes...Not the one that always comes after today...If you are blessed to be alive...Not the one that has possibilities for new choices. I feel overwhelmed and want to stay in bed. But something pulls me out......

Missed February and me.

Thu, 7 Mar 2013 13:17:22 EST

Wow no blogs in the entire month of February. I remember thinking of some topics but, I guess I did not sit down and write any of them.

Lots of stuff happening and then again not much.

Last week I was sick on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I am having a bit of a struggle getting over it and I am eating poorly. I guess that is making me feel poorly. I am sitting here looking at SP hoping to get some more motivation.

I am not sure if it is hitting me. ...

Just sharing

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 15:38:04 EST

I want to change my focus and see if that helps me change my life. I have my list of actions that I want to do daily this year to help me with my goals. I have been working on that. Some days with more success than others, of course.

I am starting to day to add a topic a small bit of awesome. This wont be anything big. Just something extra that I got done that day. I finished laundry. I called a friend. I cleaned a drawer,. I stepped out of my comfort zone. Anything really ...

Small bit of AWESOME

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 15:12:05 EST

Well, I realized I have been lying to myself. Yes, my weight does matter to me. I did a good job of being a mom even if I have a weight problem. We did lots of great things. I still go places and do thing. No the weight does not stop me.

HOWEVER, I just started to work. I am working in the schools that my kids attend. I feel self conscious. My kids have not said anything hurtful to me. The teachers have not said anything hurtful or mean and certainly the students are not...

Learning

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 00:44:08 EST

I have been working as a substitute teacher's aide. I get calls in the morning to work that day. Occasionally I get calls the night before but not very often.

I am realizing that I need to have the everything ready to go. I have been getting up early to exercise for a long time. I am making sure the laundry stays done enough that I can wear the clothes that I want to wear.

The next step is to do 2 things. 1 Is to make a nice salad with dinner so I can have a sal...

Self Care

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 19:47:05 EST

Spending some time today thinking about my dreams. Then I was thinking about my "to do" list. My goals and what I do daily. I am moving towards my goals. Some have been harder than others to implement. But, there is no problem starting now or restarting later if it somehow does not go as smoothly as I had hoped. My goal is to live this year in a way that I will be glad of my accomplishments when it is done.

After I finished all this thinking I was struck by the idea of taki...

Big Dreams

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 01:26:54 EST

I am not sure exactly how I am going to change so this year does not end up the same as last year. I have my action steps that are working OK. I spent some time dreaming about what I want. I am trying to make time daily to move in the direction that I want to move. The changes happen slowly. But, I am working to make changes bit by bit so that by the end of the year i will know that I have changed. So much happens so slowly that I am hoping that I will be able to be the person that I wa...

Noticing the joy.

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 19:42:29 EST

I realized today that I need to spend more time noticing the joy. Sometimes joy is a big thing like Christmas or a family trip to the coast. Yes I love these kinds of time.

I enjoy the family dinners that are no longer a nightly occurrence because some of my kids have moved out of my home. It is awesome to see them living life but, I miss the days of all of us together.

Today, I realized another joy. It was our turn to clean the church with another family. I was...

Embracing my journey

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 20:41:30 EST

Any challenge in life makes us stronger. As I said before I am struggling not to look back at what I have not done but forward to what is possible. I want 2013 to be the year that I embrace the journey at arrive at the place I want to go. Maybe not the final destination but I would like a nice journey towards the kind of body that I would prefer to have.

I would like to be healthier at the end of this journey than I am now.; I would like to be accustomed to healthier foods th...

Just reminding myself (and others) that I (we) want to

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 00:47:45 EST

accomplish our goals for 2013.

I am still spending some time thinking about all that I wish I had accompished in days, weeks, months or even years past. I however realized today that if my children wanted to quit just because they had not accomplished a task I would encourage them. The past does not matter. I would tell them to keep at it.

So I am telling myself that I want to accomplish it and I can continue working on it even if I have not done it already.

Wondering about contentment...

Sat, 5 Jan 2013 02:30:55 EST

What would happen if just for a minute I stopped worrying about all the things I am not,

I am not skinny.
I am not perfect.
I am not an excellent housekeeper.
I am not a perfect parent.
I am not oh so many other things.

What would happen if just for a day I stopped to worry about all that I am not. It is OK to have goals that will help me to be all that I want to be. It is OK to learn it is OK to try harder it is Ok to be the best person I can be r...

2013

Tue, 1 Jan 2013 03:31:24 EST

My goals for years have been to increase my spirituality. improve my housekeeping and lose weight.

My action steps for 2013 are:
1. Be committed to the journey and kind to myself.
2. Daily Prayer
3. Daily journal writing
4. Daily scriptures
5. eat on schedule
6. eat at the table
7. eat on my small plate
8. eat according to South Beach
9. Exercise 60 min cardio and 30 minutes wt weekdays and Saturday
10. declutter 15 minutes every...

2013 I hope it is a year of change.

Sun, 30 Dec 2012 00:18:44 EST

I have used this space for many things. I have written about my hopes to lose weight and my failures.

I have shared many things I know. I have shared my triumphs and some of my failures. I have shared things I have learned and a few moments that I am sure everyone else got and I am the last one to figure out.

I started this journey a few years ago when I realized I had not lost enough weight since my son's birth. I wanted to lose 1/2 of what I weighed on that day. ...

Stress Relief

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 15:51:41 EST

For my White Tiger Biggest Loser Team I was supposted to find and use 3 way of lowering my stress this week.

I wrote them on paper and realized I needed to do them online.

1. Get ready the day before.
This minimizes my stress when I wake up at night so I don't have to worry. It also minimizes my stress in the morning both getting ready to workout and getting ready for my day.

2. Take time each day to do something creative.
It helps me feel les...

^^^^The IFs I want to overcome...

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 11:03:06 EST

The negatives in my head are really annoying me. Today I start another Biggest Loser Challenge.

During the challenge I will:
1. Eat no sugar for the duration.
2. Blood sugar control for the entire challenge. I would like my BG to be under 150 the entire time for the next 10 weeks.
3. Cardio 6 days a week. Weight training 3 days a week.
4. Eat a salad or soup for lunch daily.
5. Eat mindfully when I am hungry. Stop when I am full.
6. Complete all ...

Suspend doubt...

Sun, 9 Dec 2012 02:13:12 EST

I got some new pants. They fit well. I wanted to go to a Christmas Party. I gave away my Christmas sweater because it was too bit. That is a good thing. So I ended up wearing a plain red shirt to the Christmas party. A couple of people said I looked good. I feel bad because I gained a bit of weight over the last few months. I am looking better than I did at the beginning of the year. I am finishing the year with a net win.

How do I get over it?

It seems that I...

The blog I intended to write...

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:24:29 EST

I titled my blog a couple of days ago Searching for the Jewel within.

I intended to write it. But, I wrote something else and forgot to change the title.

I did Zumba again today. I tried really hard to quiet the negative voice within and just have fun. I am having problems with my ankle not moving much so I am sure I don't look great. But, Hey I am moving.

I had the thought during that first class...What if I considered the thin self within a jewel. I...

I am overcoming self doubt.

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 12:38:52 EST

I once heard Dr. Phil say that past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. I thought I agreed with him. I think it can be. Sometimes that helps us make choices. But, I also believe in the ability to change. We do not spend our whole lives acting like we did when we were 2 or 12 or 20 or 30. I am 46 now and I hope I will look back at this and realize all that I have learned when I am 80 or 90 or maybe REALLY old. .

I currently weigh about 80 pounds or so less than...

Searching for the jewel within.

Tue, 27 Nov 2012 20:02:34 EST

Today I did Zumba. I have about one hundred pounds or so to lose. (Don't worry my goals are smaller than that. ) I have arthritis in my ankle and I am very directionally challenged and if I am forced to admit it my timing is terrible.

All of those things aside I went to a Zumba class today. My goal was simple, have a good time and keep moving. I walked this morning and it was near freezing. I thought I was never going to warm up. But the Zumba cured that. I was warm and t...

I am Thanful for me.

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 15:17:00 EST

Many people put on facebook something they were Thankful for each day. It was fun to watch. It was not something I did. Seemed a bit too much like bragging for me. I don't think that all my friends were bragging but I felt like that is what I would be doing.

I have put on the blogs that I seem to be going back to places I have seemingly been before. I take many side trips that put me in places I thought I had already traveled through. When handled well I remember what I lea...

Clearing the thoughts of myself

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 12:39:42 EST

Today I really want to recommit to this journey. I have been sick so i have not been exercising. Today I did my bike ride and my walk. My walk was a bit short because my boys missed the bus. I however perceived and found my walking partner and walked part of the walk with her. Then walked back to my car. I only walked 40 minutes instead of the 60 I normally do.

When I was thinking about this as I drove back to my house. I was thinking about how good it felt to have walked,...

Something Amazing...suggestions???

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 00:04:33 EST

I listened to a podcast today that talked about doing small things each day that move towards the big goal. I am trying to think of what mine might be. I want to accomplish something but, I am not getting very far.

So I will think of what I want my daily little bits to be so that I can get to where I want to go.

If you have suggestions I would love to hear it.

Fall Biggest Loser Recap

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 22:25:22 EST

My biggest goal was to get off the sugar. I did that pretty well. I had a few days back on sugar when I ate chocolate during a low sugar episode. I am getting my insulin straitened out and I am staying off the sugar. I have gone out to potlucks with yummy desserts and not eaten ANY.

I know that many of you will tell me that moderation is the key. I get the principle. But, I was struggling with moderation and I like the idea of abstinence for now. I will continue this until...

Unable to see the end of the journey

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 14:12:46 EST

I feel like I am going around in circles and I get an insight and lose it and start to do something great and then forget that I wanted to. It has been so long since I felt slender and attractive that I am doubting that I can ever get there. I am not sure what this doubt is all about. I know that I do good things in the world but somehow my mind is focusing on all the doubt these last few days.

I have felt this way before. Sometimes I can hang on and continue moving in the ri...

Set point theory...

Mon, 5 Nov 2012 10:11:35 EST

I don't have time to look up the podcast that I was listening to. Something about weight loss. Anyway the guest defined set point in a way that is more hopeful for me. She said something like: Set point is where your environment, food choices, excise combine and your body decides it is most comfortable. She went on to say that if we make changes our body decides that it is more comfortable at a lower weight.

So instead of my weight being decided by some unnamed hormone or the...

Facing facts

Sun, 4 Nov 2012 01:11:00 EST

Today I cleaned out the refrigerator. I need another plan for using up the food. But, I also was thinking that I can make all the decisions and choices. but, I need action. Eating junk and letting vegetables rot will not help me get to where I want to go. Lamenting the messy fridge with expired food will not help. but, changing what is in the fridge will go a long way to helping me get back on track.

So today's realization is that iti is all about action.

The act...

Attitude at the crossroads...The negative voice just needs to shut up.

Fri, 2 Nov 2012 13:16:53 EST

This morning I decided to end my regular walk by going to the post office to pick up the mail. I live in a small town. The main road through town is a bit busy as I finish my walk. When I was coming up on the main road I saw a man standing across the street and a truck stopped for him a few cars were still going the other way. When I was about 3 steps from the street he started crossing. I hurried and crossed too. Then the negative voices started, in my head telling me that I should hav...

Sometimes the things I already know are the hardest to remember

Thu, 1 Nov 2012 19:17:51 EST

I have made the choice to avoid sugar. I am doing pretty well with this. To the point that some days I wake up with a low blood sugar. I was increasing my insulin as per the doctor's orders. now I am eating better so I am going back down.

I have learned that if I am not hungry food will not help. Not only does it not solve the problem but it really is not very satisfying.

I am learning that the less nutrient dense food the less satisfying. Some things I just can...

Today will be...

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 15:02:10 EST

Today will be a day of strength. I will be sugar free. I did eat some jelly (and Peanut butter) this morning because I woke up with low blood sugar and was going to do my morning walk. But, I am not counting that as a failure just dealing with life as a diabetic.

I am not sure that I will tell anyone else in my life outside the computer. I told someone and she gave me a whole lecture on how that it is bad to abstain because I WILL binge according to her. I get it. But, I thi...

I believe I have SUPER POWERS

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 17:03:08 EST

No, I am not crazy, exactly. Just extremely impressed with myself.

My goal is to be sugar free from October 15 to January 16, 2013. I am diabetic and I was just eating too much sugar. Since moderation was not working I decided to give it up for the most difficult time of the year, from my birthday through the new year.

So far I an doing awesome. I ate in a cafeteria that has yummy desserts and did not eat any. I went to a potluck and did not eat any dessert there...

If you asked I would say NINE but, whose counting.

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 00:12:25 EST

I have been sugar free since October 15. That is nine days. I am feeling stronger and more able to do what needs to be done. I will continue. I am feeling like I can continue. The mountain is not feeling as big as it did when I first made the choice to go sugar free. I still have a long way to go. But, I will just enjoy the scenery and see what I can see.

Keeping my eye on the prize

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 16:57:45 EST

Some of the days this week I have felt fine. I have been running back and forth to the dentist for myself and my kids. Trying to get household stuff done and living a normal life.

It seems that avoiding sugar takes time. I am not sure how. But, the first week it seems sometimes that is all I do. I am on day 5. 104 I am happy that I have made it this far and I will be happier as I continue.

A couple of days this week I have had a headache. I have t...

Keeping my eye on the prize

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 16:57:45 EST

One small victory for me. One giant leap towards the future.

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 17:07:31 EST

I have continued on with NO SUGAR since Monday. Last night was a trial. My daughter had a Young Women's meeting. There was a dessert potluck. LOTS of things that looked very yummy. These were made by ladies who can bake.

I made the good choice. 104 I baked a sugar free cheesecake with an almond crust, very low carb. It even tasted good.

I looked at everything on the table. I thought about my decision. Since I knew it was my choice I did not have...

Just plugging away...

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 11:19:23 EST

Today I feel better than I did yesterday. I am getting used to this no sugar thing. I am feeling more committed each day. I am thinking that it could be possible to make it through all the holidays and on until my doctor's appointment in January. As long as I continue to remember I am making a choice and no one is depriving me.

I am being stronger this time. I cannot force all the others that live here to do without sugar. It is getting into the candy season. Yesterday I n...

Pondering how to continue on...

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 15:51:06 EST

Well if you have read my blogs for a while you can see that I have gone back and forth with no sugar. I really celebrate the start of another no sugar adventure and I try to avoid admitting when I have fallen off the bandwagon so to speak.

So today is my second day of not sugar. I would love to continue until my next doctor's appointment. So I need to figure out exactly what I am going to eat.

I LOVE baked goods and other sweets. They however really do not make m...

Moving forward with wisdom.

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 16:58:56 EST

I have grown up with a strong faith in the scriptures contained in the 89 section of a book called the Doctrine and Covenants. This section is commonly called the Word of Wisdom. it is what discourages the use of coffee, tea and tobacco by those of us who belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (sometimes called Mormons)

I don't wish to discuss politics please just vote your according to your beliefs.

I do very well following this doctrine as I unders...

40 years ago today...

Mon, 1 Oct 2012 22:15:07 EST

My mother died 40 years ago today.

Most days I am coping well. I have a great family. We have our trials but we are doing well in all the areas of importance. I would love a few minutes to chat with her. To really talk about life, the kids, the husband and everything that has happened in the intervening years. I have the feeling that she knows most of it anyway. I am comforted by that thought.

I was trying to think of ways to celebrate her life. I went with a ...

If we were in a race...

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 11:51:13 EST

Stole this quote off of the page of kdskywalker.

I learned something the other day, "you can't start over at the beginning, you can only remake the future outcome. If you are running a race and are far behind, you can't go back to the beginning and think you'll win." So with that, I'm done starting over, if I miss a couple days or don't lose the weight quick enough, all I can do is try harder and do better.

This is an awesome quote. I cannot go back and change anythi...

Victim or Hero???

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 11:28:45 EST

Which do I want to be a victim of my life and situation or the hero of my own story?

Recently I have been floundering. Feeling sorry for myself and struggling to do what I know helps me to be healthier and ultimately will lead to my weight loss. I want snacks, I want to bake and eat, I want to eat this and that and something else from fast food that normally I would not be considering ect. ect. ect. blah blah blah. There has been an internal dialog that is frankly a bit overwhel...

FLUTTER-BY)L('s SparkPeople Blog

Lessons learned on the way to my son's Eagle Rank

Dear Sweets

A letter to my mom.

A letter to my mom.

Can it be true?

I am beautiful and competent

Round and round again.

Still working on a plan.

Borrowing joy.

A big blue bird.

Tomorrow is now...

Missed February and me.

Just sharing

Small bit of AWESOME

Learning

Self Care

Big Dreams

Noticing the joy.

Embracing my journey

Just reminding myself (and others) that I (we) want to

Wondering about contentment...

***2013***

2013 I hope it is a year of change.

Stress Relief

^^^^The IFs I want to overcome...

Suspend doubt...

The blog I intended to write...

I am overcoming self doubt.

Searching for the jewel within.

I am Thanful for me.

Clearing the thoughts of myself

Something Amazing...suggestions???

Fall Biggest Loser Recap

Unable to see the end of the journey

Set point theory...

Facing facts

Attitude at the crossroads...The negative voice just needs to shut up.

Sometimes the things I already know are the hardest to remember

Today will be...

I believe I have SUPER POWERS

If you asked I would say NINE but, whose counting.

Keeping my eye on the prize

Keeping my eye on the prize

One small victory for me. One giant leap towards the future.

Just plugging away...

Pondering how to continue on...

Moving forward with wisdom.

40 years ago today...

If we were in a race...

Victim or Hero???

2013