FITKIZ's SparkPeople Blog FITKIZ's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Note To Self: Struggling where others succeed isn't due to an internal failing or weakness. You aren't less than they are. You are you; unique in your struggles and triumphs, and powerful beyond measure. Don't compare your journey with anyone else's, because someone out there is looking at something you're doing and feeling inferior because you make it look effortless. Sat, 14 Sep 2013 18:12:03 EST Plan it out. I plan my meals a week in advance, I plan where my money is going, I plan my clothes, my kids' clothes, my laundry routines, my household cleaning: I pretty much plan everything. Everything except exercise, that is. I hate making an exercise plan, and for the longest time I didn't know why. <BR> <BR> Well, why is two-fold. <BR> <BR> One, I'm a perfectionist. I know if I made that appointment with myself and life got out of hand, I'd torture myself emotionally over it all day. Bad mojo man... Fri, 13 Sep 2013 14:22:51 EST Baby Steps! I'm doing it again. I'm trying to pick up exactly where I left off before the pregnancy and giving myself no room whatsoever to ease into my groove. I'm getting frustrated when I'm more tired at the end of a video or have a harder time knocking out all my reps than I think I should. I try to remember that I just less than 2 months ago crafted and delivered a whole other PERSON. But that only helps so much. <BR> <BR> Baby Steps, Tae! Baby Steps! I can say it and believe it now, but the next ... Fri, 13 Sep 2013 02:09:44 EST I'm getting really, REALLY tired of this. So this morning I turn on the TV and I see... <BR> <BR> "This is the only look that counts as beautiful. Unless you look THIS way, you're ugly and unworthy." <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> No, wait. "You skinny stick. That's gross, you look like a skeleton. Go eat a cheeseburger." Only women who look like this are beautiful and worthy. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> No, wait... Tue, 10 Sep 2013 17:07:17 EST Who Am I Doing This For, Anyway? My biggest and first major battle in this whole endeavor has been silencing my inner critic. There's a huge part of my personality that's completely perfectionistic. Nothing is ever good enough, ever clean enough, ever cooked properly, etc. If I can't do it properly, why bother? Better to leave something undone than do a half-assed job at it. So went my reasoning. And there started my rapid plummet into depression. Breaking that cycle of negative self talk was tough. REALLY tough. I have co... Wed, 31 Jul 2013 13:35:53 EST She's Here Baby Natalie was born on July 16. She's gorgeous and perfect. (No, that's not new mommy smugness talking, she really is.) I'm on the fast track to getting back on target with my weight loss and lifestyle changes. I won't be weighing myself until my post-partum appointment and that number becomes my new baseline going forward. Right now, I'm regaining my energy slower than I think I should and I'm still more sore than I think I ought to be. Wed, 24 Jul 2013 16:24:19 EST Couldn't have said it better myself Sometimes, you struggle for AGES to communicate a concept or idea and you just can't make it come out right. One of the most beautiful and terrible things about modern technology is our ability to instantly disperse knowledge and scientific findings to the mass public. When you compare that to the Dark Ages, It's downright miraculous. It's magical. <BR> <BR> However, we also set ourselves up with a problem when anyone can access the information and pass it along. You see, not everyone is a... Thu, 11 Jul 2013 20:04:49 EST On Courtesy. I was recently the unfortunate witness to the worst that can happen when people's passionate opinion about food collide with a well meant suggestion that violates that opinion. A thoughtful lady suggested on a Facebook thread not long ago that those who wish to avoid sugar should try Agave Nectar as an all natural substitute. She didn't know how venomous the debate surrounding this processed high-fructose syrup had gotten. The backlash was instant and quite vehement from several people. All o... Wed, 10 Jul 2013 16:25:32 EST Putting it into Perspective I dropped off the radar here on Spark People in late November/early December because I was trying to do too much during this pregnancy. I was pregnant (not easy to adjust to under any circumstances), I was counting calories (not the greatest idea while pregnant), I was breastfeeding my next youngest, and I was working out. Because I had so much on my plate, my energy levels plummeted and my blood sugar started to destabilize. <BR> <BR> I tried to move over to Spark's pregnancy website, but t... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 15:56:07 EST So, I'm--Almost--Back I didn't make this announcement before I dropped off the radar a few months ago. I'm pregnant... Massively so at this point. The baby is due tomorrow. Aside from getting impatient to simply be DONE being pregnant, I'm also getting really impatient to return to my goals and lifestyle adjustments. <BR> <BR> I'm returning having gained very little weight during the course of the pregnancy and having learned a few new skills and a bit of perspective. I'll go into those in later blogs. For now, I... Mon, 8 Jul 2013 19:45:27 EST "If You Do What You've Always Done..." I hear over and over and OVER, "Guaranteed weightloss without any lifestyle adjustments necessary!" in advertisements for 'miracle' weightloss supplements, pills, you name it. It drives me INSANE. Maybe it's the season, maybe I'm just sensitive to it now, but it's really getting on my nerves. <BR> <BR> There is one simple truth to life. If you do what you've always done, you will have what you've always had. <BR> <BR> If you eat like you've always eaten, you will weigh what you've always w... Wed, 21 Nov 2012 14:21:28 EST Looking For Advice Here. I'm struggling right now with consistency in tracking my food. I'll get one or two meals in and then forget the last one. Or, I forget to transcribe my hand-written notes. Or, I'll try tracking EVERYTHING in the morning based off of my planned menu but then forget if I change the plan halfway through the day. It's getting rediculous! I'm just incredibly busy and sitting down to track several times a day isn't always feesible. <BR> <BR> My diet itself is pretty rock solid, and I'm pretty sur... Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:23:51 EST I Love My Dog I have a 13 month old Golden Retriever named Hanzo, and he has to be among the best dogs I've ever met in my life. I'm not kidding. Sure, he's dumb as a post but he's imminently trainable. He will do just about anything you can communicate to him for a bit of cooked sausage, bacon, or catfood. I mean that literally, he's nuts for catfood. Once taught, he retains his training with an ease that is wonderful. <BR> <BR> Sometimes, when he's being a 'teenager' and rebelling, or trying to be an Al... Mon, 19 Nov 2012 13:14:07 EST What You Don't Know Really Is Important Normally, I have a VERY healthy dose of skepticism which I apply to any and all health/fitness/nutrition advice I see online. But, I recently stumbled across a body-type image that also had some very general guidelines to get the most out of each when planning a fitness routine. In this case, I'm willing to give a bit of credulity here. Not because I've researched this, but because I have some personal experience with working out to the maximum of my capasity daily and this 'feels' right for... Thu, 15 Nov 2012 13:39:21 EST I Don't Have Time For This I have to confess, I've been putting off getting a tooth capped that a root canal was done on for ten years now... Actually, more like 12. OUCH. Of course, the last dentist I saw was a butcher and my mouth hurt for weeks afterward. Additionally, the Army dentist who gave me a root canal did so knowing that Army Dentists in general are not qualified to cap or crown teeth. So of course there were the initial years of frustration when I'd go to yet another Army clinic to hear, "You need to cap t... Wed, 14 Nov 2012 16:24:58 EST Not Heart Disease YAY! My 4 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with a heart murmur. OMG PANIC! Like any mother, my mind went to the worst possible scenarios, then jumped off the deep end. Today I took her in to the pediatric cardiologist. <BR> <BR> They did an EKG, examined her, and used a sonogram to look at her heart and take a bunch of measurements. After a while, the doctor came in and gave me what has to be the best medical news I've gotten since she was first diagnosed with Arthritis. Her heart is tota... Tue, 13 Nov 2012 18:14:09 EST To Our Veterans November 11, 1918 marked the cessation of fighting and the effective end of the most destructive, bloody, and widespread war the world had yet seen. While the history books mark the end of the war being the signing of the Treaty of Versailles on June 28, 1919, many of the countries involved chose to commemorate the cessation of hostilities annually. Here in the U.S., that date became Armistice Day, an annual celebration and recognition of both the resumption of peace and the end of a shocking... Sun, 11 Nov 2012 21:33:13 EST Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics There are times when I come across a comment that is "liked" by dozens of people on Facebook which makes me stop a moment and wonder about the future of humanity. Statements that show a bizarre combination of blind ignorance, inability to differentiate science from scientifically sounding statistics, and an odd conspiracy paranoia which are then propagated by equally uneducated and gullible people and turned into a movement of millions. <BR> <BR> This is not a political observation, nor am ... Wed, 7 Nov 2012 17:18:06 EST To Soy or Not To Soy... Sometimes, in the process of researching something else, I find I must step away from a belief I have held: I have always felt lethargic after eating soy and had associated that feeling with the prevelant myth that soy negatively affects thyroid function. It would seem that I am wrong. Does this mean I'll be eating a lot of soy out of nowhere? No, it still makes me feel like crap. Time may prove me right, but right now there's no proof that how I feel after eating soy is connected to my thyr... Wed, 7 Nov 2012 12:41:26 EST Hi, Like Me Or Not, That's Up To You. I'm opinionated, occasionally bigoted, often irreverent, but always polite. If you don't like that, don't talk to me. I promise I won't mind a bit. <BR> <BR> I do not apologise for my opinions, and I will not change them because you insult me. <BR> <BR> I do not approve of some behavior patterns, if you pause for 10 seconds you'll see the behavior patterns I object to are universally self-destructive. Do not attempt to harangue me in to silence. If the nuns at my grandmother's church coul... Mon, 5 Nov 2012 23:45:53 EST When it All Comes Together There comes a time in everyone's life when things just start lining up. This is one of them. <BR> <BR> My cousin returned safe and sound from Afghanistan. He returned to a happy, healthy home and marriage which is more than many of his fellows can say. Thank God. My hopes and prayers got to him and his beautiful family for a smoothe transition home. <BR> <BR> I recently discovered I will need some rather expensive medical care, nothing serious, just expensive. But, for a while we were loo... Mon, 5 Nov 2012 12:11:34 EST HMMM So my spark people tracker has my daily calorie limit set to 1650 calories. I just found the trackers sponsored by the FDA and (accounting for breastfeeding) they put my limit at 2400. This is assuming 30 minutes of moderate activity 3 times a week, which I think I meet. <BR> <BR> So, it seems like I need to do some research and work some math. But, at first glance, it looks like an explanation for why I've been struggling so very hard to meet my calorie goals. Fri, 2 Nov 2012 16:41:30 EST A New Halloween Tradition Last year, I was 285 pounds on Halloween and the thought of my (then) 9 and 3 year olds eating 5 pounds of cany each didn't really cross my mind as unusual. Afterall, I'd always been allowed to eat my Halloween candy as a kid. It's 2012 now, I'm 244 pounds, and a lot has changed in my house. Over breakfast yesterday, my husband entertained the notion of taking the kids candy and simply tossing it out. That seemed horribly unfair to me, and even more so like it would feel horribly unfair and m... Thu, 1 Nov 2012 22:22:02 EST New Major Temptation OK, my favorite candy EVER is Cadbury creme/carmel eggs at easter time. The only saving grace has been that they've always been highly seasonal, so the damage was limited to March/April and gone. Not Anymore! I was in Walgreens getting a few finishing touches for my kids' costumes and saw Cadbury's Halloween Eggs! Oh NO! <BR> <BR> Fortunately, I've begun trying to eat clean, or at least MOSTLY clean. All I needed to do was look at the label and be unable to pronounce the first 3 ingredients ... Wed, 31 Oct 2012 14:24:56 EST Godspeed for those meeting Sandy You are in our thoughts and prayers. Mon, 29 Oct 2012 16:56:14 EST A Moment of Thanks I need to take a moment this morning to say "Thank You!" to everyone who has lifted me up when I'm down, encouraged me when I've struggled, and cheered beside me when I'm successful. I try to respond to all of you, but sometimes I just can't. I see your comments, all of them, and I love that you took a moment of your time for me. <BR> <BR> I don't think I would have stuck to this for a year without the kindness, understanding, and encouragement all of you have provided. <BR> <BR> Thank Yo... Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:28:38 EST A Little Mental Math So I was sitting on facebook, chatting with a cousin who had just joined a gym, and thinking that I'm coming up on one year since I started trying to lose weight. Then I started doing a bit of mental math and I realised two things. One, I'm a third of the way to my goal weight. If I lose just another ten pounds I'll be at 50 pounds loss for the year. I might not make it before my official anniversary, but two weeks one way or another isn't going to ruin my efforts. Second, I can no longer say... Mon, 15 Oct 2012 23:43:30 EST Picky Eaters and Other Counter-Productive Labels I hate very few things with the kind of passion that I hate labeling. "Your kids like veggies? I wish I was so lucky. I have Picky Eaters." OK, First off, if there is a real medical reason for food aversion, that's one thing. My nefew was severely premature and his parents constantly struggle with his inability to chew and swallow food. It's a physical problem that stems from his premie condition. If there isn't a real medical reason for food aversion; Just who is the adult here? <BR> <BR> K... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 14:14:17 EST Lost! A loss is a loss. After I posted my last weight (247.3) I gained 5 pounds of water weight over night and slipped into a stress induced depression. That being resolved and now having the time to focus once again on me, I weighed myself to see what the damage was. 246.7. <BR> <BR> I'm still under 250! This is huge! OK, it's only a pound... But it's a HUGE pound. Wed, 26 Sep 2012 21:13:07 EST Updates My uncle is finally at home and resting comfortably. He will be in physical therapy for quite a while, but he's expected to make a full recovery. <BR> <BR> I'm so fixated on getting my daughter to focus and pay attention in class that I've been skipping workouts and failing to track meals these last few weeks. (I know, shame on me. OK, that's done, I've been reprimanded.) In all honesty, I'v enot been doing nothing. I have walked between 3/4 mile and 1&1/2 miles every day for nearly a month ... Wed, 26 Sep 2012 12:52:20 EST Too Cute To Shop My DD#3 is 14 months old and a veggie addict. I can't keep her out of the freggies no matter how hard I try. To be fair, I haven't tried very hard at all. I love that she'll reach for fruits and veggies before she'll reach for candy. Today, though was a challenge. <BR> <BR> I was getting Bell peppers in the produce department and turned around to see my baby with a big, fat tomato in her mouth. Normally, I'd never allow her to keep something she'd pulled off of the shelf herself (it just set... Thu, 16 Aug 2012 14:03:59 EST Rebuilding Momentum: Mid-Month Check In--Rethinking Possible So, the daily blog kind of fell by the wayside. <em>20</em> I'm OK with that right now. My oldest daughter has just started 5th grade and life has been dizzy to say the least. I have found a new passion for making soups/stews and baking homemade bread for dinner. The family loves it, and the cost per servng is easy on my wallet. Since soups are so cost efficient, I've been able to spring for more organic veggies and the occasional grain-fed stew meat. That has helped a LOT. I can also easily... Wed, 15 Aug 2012 12:12:31 EST Rebuilding Momentum:Day 6 (End of My Reserves) So, for those of you who have been following the family crisis, my uncle is out of ICU (YAY!) and is resting comfortably in a 'normal' hospital room. Thank you again for the prayers and support you've offered. <BR> <BR> So my husband said something to me last night that made me start thinking about things. He said, "I don't know if you realise this, but I've been trying to take it easy on you ever since I realised how few reserves you have." That made me stop and think. I really had to liste... Mon, 6 Aug 2012 12:54:32 EST Rebuilding Momentum: Day 4 I'd like to begin with a thanks for the support and prayers for my family that I've recieved. My uncle should be moved from the ICU either today or tomorrow as he's been stable for over 24 hours now. He's awake and aware and in high spirits. My cousin (his oldest daughter) flys out today from the So. Cal. area to stay with him and his family until my uncle is up and moving about again. <BR> <BR> I discovered that the reason I hadn't heard until three days after the accident is because my aun... Sat, 4 Aug 2012 14:04:57 EST Rebuilding Momentum: Day 3 (Family Crisis) So, my day started off in grand style. I over slept my alarm and just couldn't drag myself up and out of bed. Then the very first thing I hear is that my uncle is going to be released from the ICU soon. Wait! What? When did my uncle go to the ICU and why?! Three days ago. Three days he's been in the ICU and nobody thought to tell me. Why, because he and my cousin were driving somewhere and both fell asleep. They hit a tree and my uncle (61 years old) sustained the brunt of the injuries. My co... Fri, 3 Aug 2012 11:44:59 EST What Caused My Sugar Crash? I had a totally random mini-sugar crash about mid-afternoon today. Everything was done, the house was clean, the kids were well fed, and I had eaten well & tracked everything then BAM my mood crashed and I was sitting on the couch nodding off to sleep while trying to watch Olympic swimming. It was absolutely a sugar crash, I've learned those symptoms very well. <BR> <BR> So what happened? Of course the first thing I do is start pulling out packaging. Couldn't have been the bread (Yes it con... Fri, 3 Aug 2012 01:06:01 EST Rebuilding Momentum: Day 2 So, I didn't do a morning walk today. Today is my strength training day, and I want to put a heavy emphasis on cleaning. My kids already know that a noon, we're having lunch and then doing a 1 hour clean. No more than one hour. I'm giving them time to get used to the idea. I've found that when I say, "In (X-Number) minutes, the will do this for (stated timeframe) then we're done," they respond better, work harder, and have--in general--a better attitude. <BR> <BR> So often in the past, I've... Thu, 2 Aug 2012 14:29:57 EST First Fast Food That Didn't Make Me Sick For Days Disclaimer: This blog touches the periphery of a very heated debate. My blogs, and the comments section below are no place for hate wars. Please be advised that any hate mongering will result in the use of the "Delete" button. I don't care about sides, you will be pleasant or you will be deleted. <BR> <BR> You. Have. Been. Warned. <BR> <BR> OK, I know that Chick-fil-a is in the center of a storm of controversy and a good bit of hate is splashing all over the place from both sides. I stay a... Thu, 2 Aug 2012 01:35:27 EST Rebuilding Momentum: Day 1 Today started really well. I woke up at 6:30 Am and was out of bed by 6:45. I didn't just lay in bed and hit the snooze button to sleep longer though. My DD#3 was woken partway by the alarm and I gave myself another 15 minutes to get her fully to sleep before I headed out. No reason to wake my DH with a cranky toddler earlier than he has to be up. <BR> <BR> Once up and out, I walked a full mile. No dog, no running, just me and the early, already hot morning. I walked as fast as I could and ... Thu, 2 Aug 2012 00:01:44 EST August 2012 Goals It's been a while since I've done the monthly goal and daily blog thing. I think I need to restart it since that was when I was seeing the absolutely best results. Since babysteps are still steps, I think I'm going to start moderately and pick one aspect of home, mind, and body to focus on for the next month. Just one month. <BR> <BR> Starting with Home: I've been dabbling in the program, and when I follow it for even a week my husband really loves what he sees and how the house ... Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:20:13 EST "I Exercised Every Day and I STILL GAINED Weight?!" I hear it all the time, someone puts in a fabulous effort over the course of the week and BAM! they gain. It's frustrating, infuriating, and discouraging... I've so been there. Here's an illustration for you of why it occurs so often. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> In short: muscle is denser than fat. Our bodies don't operate on some mysterious alchemy in which every calorie burned melts a corresponding portion of fat and dissipates i... Tue, 31 Jul 2012 12:27:34 EST The Twirly Witch Strikes Again! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I blogged about a week ago about the wonderful Harry Potter earrings one of my friends sent me from her Etsy Shop (The Twirly Witch). Today I recieved the custom order I asked her for. <BR> <BR> Honor and Nimitz are the two main characters from the 'Honorverse' created by David Weber. They're also my favorites. I sent a request for a pendant with both names, along with a book from the series, as she isn't a fan ... Mon, 30 Jul 2012 19:59:35 EST Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I don't know who said it, I think it was a contemporary of Marilyn Monroe, and I'm not particularly interested in looking it up. I have always had an issue with that statement. I'm not sure why, it just really bugs me. I don't think it's true. But I found a new one today that I love quite a bit. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is more like it. I've lived with regret for so long, that I ha... Fri, 27 Jul 2012 13:09:39 EST I did it again! Corner-to-corner and then some! I ran just under half of my walk with my dog! My lungs feel fine, but my muscles feel like they're going to rebel and beat me senseless. Does that sound like I need more strength training to anyone else? Because, what I'm feeling seems to me that I need to work a whole lot harder on my strength so I can actually tax my cardio system. <BR> <BR> This is so backwards from when I was in the Army. I used to max my strength tests and barely scrape by/flat out fail m... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 19:19:34 EST Corner to Corner That's how far I ran. I ran corner to corner, then I walked corner to corner, rinse and repeat. I actually wound up running just under 1/2 a mile total. I'm sore, tired, sweaty, and happy. <BR> <BR> It may not sound like a far distance at all. It isn't, actually, but corner to corner is as far as I've run in nearly ten years. My dog kept looking back at me like, "Is that all you got?" And, yep, that's ALL I had. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow, I have to walk/run the dog again, and I fully intend to ru... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 00:25:12 EST A gift for me! (Harry Potter fans will LOVE this) One of my great friends and greatest weightloss cheerleaders/inspirations opened a store on To celebrate and help her out I sent her three hard bound Harry Potter books in varying states of over-loved disrepair. Last night, just before bed, I get a package from her. <BR> <BR> This is what she sent me: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> "Sirius Black" earings! She makes Harry Potter themed jewelry (and does custom orders!) unde... Fri, 20 Jul 2012 23:59:11 EST Don't Judge Another's Road, Yours is Hard Enough. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> With the FDA's approval of new weight loss medications, and the rise in weight loss surgery, I think this is apt. I'm not going to denigrate anyone's choices. We all walk our own path, sometimes we have company; often we walk alone. <BR> <BR> In part, I need to take a moment to rail against those who would presume to judge another's choices. You are walking your path; you are not walking her path, or his path. No... Thu, 19 Jul 2012 14:06:01 EST 24 hours later Yesterday afternoon, I ate junk food. Predicably, my mood did not get better, it only got worse, over the course of the day. Today, I felt like crap ALL DAY. From the time I woke up until bed time, my energy levels and patience have been short. <BR> <BR> I DID NOT eat out again today. I ate a bit low in my calorie range but not by much, I drank a LOT of water, and I exercised. I'm still not 100%, but I'm slowly getting better. I've been super thirsty, I think that's just my body trying to p... Thu, 19 Jul 2012 01:03:24 EST Big Mistake I ate out today. Ugh, I know better. Not only did I eat out, we had McDonalds. I haven't been finished for half an hour and I can feel my energy levels plummet, and they're dragging my mood South with them. I feel nauseous and I have a headache coming on. My God this is NO fun. <BR> <BR> Right now, I have to get out of the house or I will lay down and nap and the rest of my day will be totally ruined and wasted. I have a few chores to do. I think I'll have a glass of water, get a couple cho... Tue, 17 Jul 2012 17:55:17 EST Letting Go <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Letting go of emotional baggage is one of the hardest things I've learned to do during this journey. I am my harshest critic and my most implacable enemy. In an effort to unchain myself, I've been going through those events that still weigh me down daily; some of these chains are nearly a decade old. <BR> <BR> With some, I fear that they will never go away; for I am certain that I will never be sufficiently separ... Mon, 16 Jul 2012 22:34:14 EST