FIDDYOTR's SparkPeople Blog

Down 100: What's Behind Me and What's Ahead

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 23:33:59 EST

FINALLY!! It seems like I've been waiting months for the day that I got down 100lbs to finally arrive. I have been floundering around since I got down 90lbs...down 3, up 2.5, etc. Was frustrating that I couldn't keep myself to the standard that I had set so early on and kept up so well for over 80lbs. The good news is that I got there and I have learned that no matter what, I can do this. I can have bad meals, days, weeks and move on with things and pick myself up. I can and will get wh...

The Reality of the Morbidly Obese Weight Loss Journey #2

Tue, 2 Oct 2012 10:21:41 EST

WARNING: This may be TMI for many. Contains graphic descriptions!!

Hanging skin...I don't have the insight yet into what my skin will look like at goal...I shudder at the thought, but I have a complaint about now. I get sores in between all of my fat rolls, esp on my sides. Sores that sometimes get painful and occasionally will open and bleed. More often than not, they just appear and over a matter of several weeks they will disappear. I prob have over twenty of them rig...

The Reality of the Morbidly Obese Weight Loss Journey #1

Tue, 2 Oct 2012 10:14:20 EST

This is my rant from the world of the morbidly obese...I have a lot of vignettes I think of from time to time that the average overweight person just wouldn't understand, but nothing I think is notable enough to be considered a blog.

Clothing sizes: When the normal overweight person talks about weight loss and how they have dropped 50 lbs and 6 dress sizes...ha! I'm still wearing the same exact clothes I wore 99.5lbs ago...some are a getting a bit big and some I've even p...

Black and Blue Quesadillas

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 11:06:13 EST

I don't typically post recipes, I save that for my Pinterest addiction, but I just had the yummiest dinner that was light and easy to make and I wanted to share!

Black and Blue Quesadillas:

1 Ole Tomato Basil Wellness Wrap (71 cals) *you can sub in any type of healthy wrap, just adjust cals accordingly
1 servining (6 slices) Oscar Mayer Delifresh Slow Roasted Roast Beef (60 cals)
1/4 cup light blue cheese crumbles (80 cals)
1/4 medium red onion sliced <...

Feeling in Control

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:23:59 EST

Finally feeling in control of this change, the food, the exercise, my routine...there are so many things out there that I can't control that I think this makes me feel like I have a say. I have been trying to work on changing things up a bit, keeping them from getting stale and boring and trying to jumpstart my weight loss.

My first step was to lose the excess weight I had put on over the past two months of off-and-on efforts of trying to stay healthy, it was a rollercoaster of ...

Food Addiction

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 19:52:09 EST

I know there are skeptics on the issue of food addiction, I have watched a lot regarding the topic and there is compelling evidence that there is an actual chemical reaction in some people who have food addictions and they are similar to the changes of a person who is doing cocaine. I certainly believe that my brain is either altered by certain foods or craving them. I was a smoker for many years, over 15 w/ a few breaks...I quit the final time prior to getting pregnant w/ my son almost 5 y...

No more virgin

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 20:53:01 EST

Get your minds out of the gutter, this will not be about that....but it will be about the fact that I attended my first exercise class today (not counting water aerobics). I did Nia, all 284lbs of me did an hour long Nia class and kept up and didn't die!!

I think I found a new home...something I really enjoyed doing and it was exercise. I wasn't all that coordinated, but it was my first time ever trying Nia and I am still obese...so graceful I am not;) I was the heaviest by ov...

Let's just call August a hiatus:)

Mon, 3 Sep 2012 16:47:45 EST

I didn't fall off the face of the earth, I didn't gain a zillion pounds...but life did happen. We had a few impromptu family trips that challenged me and I finally threw in the towel and let myself eat what I wanted (within reason)....it is nearly impossible to eat enjoyably w/in a calorie range when dining out for every meal....esp when you are with others and have to factor in kid friendly options! It was okay, I didn't go crazy, except perhaps a bit from the smorgasboard we visited for b...

The good, the bad, the UGLY

Thu, 9 Aug 2012 22:11:19 EST

Ha! In my defense (because in my book being overweight and going sleeveless is a cardinal sin) I was at a water park w/ my seven year old daughter. Just me and her, so I was suited up and this was the most covered cover up I found.

So this is me at 288.25lbs...93 pounds down and still working on it. I can't quite see 93lbs from pic one, it is hard cause I still think this looks awful. Don't get on me for...

So you had a bad day.....

Fri, 3 Aug 2012 17:32:04 EST

Well I did...it started Wed night and went through Thursday. I didn't go completely crazy, cause honestly I don't have too much crap in my house, I was certainly cursing my healthy foods as my crazed unsatisfied brain was wondering who the heck kept carrots and hummus in the house for snacks!!! I did quickly dispatch the remainder of the mini Drumstick cones in the freezer that I had for the kids (prob about 6 in total between the two days @about 150 cals each) and made a few hefty pb&j sa...

Wednesday Morning Walk

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 20:27:14 EST

I try at least once a week to take a walk someplace new. I'm lucky to live in an area rich w/ walking trails/nature preserves/rail trails so it isn't hard to do, just sometime limited by weather and kids;)

This week my walk was on a nature trail in the town next to mine, Rotterdam, NY:

Honestly not expecting much, I'd seen the sign many times but it is nestled between a highway, GE plant and a shopping...

Fair Weather Friends

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 10:09:35 EST

I have been quite guarded about the friends I choose to associate with in my later 20's and 30's. I had felt for a very long time (middle school to early 20's) that I was becoming the token fat friend, the friend that the insecure (not drop dead gorgeous, but normal-sized) girls would have just to make themselves look better...cause who would look twice at a fat girl. In their defense, they may not have all realized this, but it seemed pretty apparent from my view, esp looking back on it. ...

Back to the Pool

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 01:25:42 EST

So I've been doing a good deal of hiking the past few weeks. Exploring the local nature preserves and some of the rugged trails around the area. I've been feeling great about my progress, this week I even did two days back to back and the second day did even better than the day before! The trails are relatively hilly, some more than others. I just love the walks in the woods or along the river...it is peaceful and contemplative. I think it has helped my mindset and accomplish my exercisi...

Upcoming Dinner From He11

Sun, 8 Jul 2012 00:52:48 EST

Ack...we are going to dinner w/ my in-laws family sometime this week and it is to the freakin' Chinese Buffet...aka. crack house in my language!! I am trying to be diplomatic and take this like a big girl...I was outvoted about 10 to 1, so too bad, so sad. I really feel like my in-laws will do anything to sabotage my efforts, but this isn't all about me or them ganging up on me, but it is one more thing in a long line of what seems intentional at times!!

On a normal day I would...

Flirting with Disaster

Thu, 5 Jul 2012 23:28:31 EST

This isn't as ominous as the title lends you to believe, it is more a retrospective on where I have been vs. where I am now regarding so-called "bad days".

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately about people beating themselves up over eating too much at a bbq, birthday party, over the weekend...and I too am famous, or have been famous for this in the past too. I have changed my perception on this, I still resist my new ways, but I have fought and overcome several times now...pr...

My Busy Week

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 17:34:00 EST

I apologize, I have been barely here for the past week. It is an adjustment having my son home everyday and my daughter is home from camp at noon, no time for me:) Summer school starts for the boy on 7/9, so hopefully I will get back into my routine!

My mom, aunt, daughter and I trekked 3.5 hours to NJ for my cousin's baby shower last Sunday. Her mom, my ex-aunt, hosted the event at her house.

It was ...

Addiction Replacement

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 08:41:55 EST

While working on my food addiction, I've developed a new addiction and it's an unhealthy attachment to my scale. I am on it daily...just once a day, but EVERY SINGLE DAY. I only take my weight loss from my Mon weight, and I don't know my fascination with seeing how I'm doing day to day, but it needs to stop! It is beginning to determine how my day is going to go and I don't want to live chained to my scale.

I have one of those large doctor-type scales w/ the moveable weights, ...

My Upcoming Jersey Trek

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 01:52:36 EST

So next Saturday, June 23 I'm off with a few select members of my family to my cousin's baby shower in Princeton, NJ. This brings mixed feelings, I love my cousin and haven't seen her since her wedding in the summer of 2010, but there is so much history tied in that it's hard to view this as a singular event and not factor everything into the mix.

This is a description of my cousin and her family. My mom was one of 4 kids, an older brother and 2 younger sisters. My uncle was a...

Survivor

Fri, 15 Jun 2012 10:07:15 EST

Like in the show

that was my morning.

I've been trying to get into my exercise groove once again...we separated for awhile and been trying to get back with it regularly. I'm toying with a 5K (non-competitive) run in the fall...still not sure this TOL (tub of lard) can run! I can walk that amount fine, but running, in heat, with spectators....um, different story!

Anyhow, with thoughts of the...

All Sizes

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 16:56:42 EST

That is what I have....clothes in all sizes. From a size 12, cause I once fit in those for two minutes pre-2001, all the way up to my chart topping 5x. I prob could have gotten a few things larger if the stores actually sold anything that big, but at least in my part of the country that is it, then you go to the dreaded, ugly world of catalog ordering...that polyester, elastic he11! I am like flirting with the line between 3x and 4x right now, depends on the maker and how many times I've t...

Thinking Ahead

Fri, 8 Jun 2012 09:06:54 EST

Just wondering what thoughts are out there on skin removal surgery. I feel that if I can get down to my goal and still have a lot of skin hanging (which seems inevitable), that I want to have surgery done to have it removed. I have weighed the pros and cons and assuming that I can get my doctor and a surgeon to declare it medically necessary so my insurance will cover, I think that I would do that for myself and maybe it would just signify the start of a new chapter. I'm all about closure ...

To Keep or Not to Keep....

Sun, 3 Jun 2012 15:11:54 EST

So just dragged out some "old" clothes, from my leaner days and realized some shoud fit now, so they are washing up as I type, let's hope the fitting goes well. Here is the question I'm pondering....Do I pack up my clothes as they become too big and ship them out, donate, consign, whatever OR do I neatly pack in bins and store in the attic?

My mindset is to keep an outfit to do my before/after shots w/ and get the rest out. I don't ever want to fit in them again. Also, althoug...

Thyroid and my lack thereof.....

Fri, 1 Jun 2012 19:45:06 EST

So I'm wondering when I will get more energy, I think I expect it to come overnight and just be here the next day. The truth is that I prob have tons more energy now than when I started, just happens so gradually you don't see it coming! I have several factors that contribute to my lack of energy: 1) My hyperthyroidism...is that right? Well having no thyroid function, it jumped ship, 2)Anemia...well borderline most of the time, depending on how well my thyroid meds are working, 3)Not taking...

64.5 down, 166.5 to go

Tue, 29 May 2012 08:42:58 EST

First I want to say that I'm not one to focus on the big picture, much better w/ smaller, short term goals. That said I want to reflect a bit...I realized that I'm more than 1/4 of my way to goal and in only in 3.5 months! That is great and I know I'll have to fight even harder and longer for the rest. So far this has been my fastest weight loss and trust me when I say that this ain't my first rodeo!

I think the key thing that I've done differently is change completely the way...

The Perfectionist in Me

Tue, 22 May 2012 23:25:45 EST

So the mind works in crazy ways....I'm a perfectionist, I hate when something goes wrong and doesn't work out the way I expected. Sounds normal right, like everybody feels this way, duh? But with me it is a bit more extreme...I have a hard time cleaning my house...you think perfectionist, wants everything in place and clean and yes, while that is right...my perfectionism paralyses me. I visualize what I want my house to look like and know rationally what needs to be done to attain that vis...

Being a better me

Tue, 22 May 2012 21:42:37 EST

Warning: I might get a bit hippy trippy here, you've been warned:)

So was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday night and she mentioned to me about how rude some people are and wouldn't the world be a better place if we were just nice to each other? Yes, yes it would. I feel I get my fair share of looks/whispers because of my size and yet I try to be kind, I try to make sure to just extend common courtesy in my everyday life whenever the situation warrants, but I am ...

List of 31...

Wed, 9 May 2012 22:49:17 EST

Stolen from Jen, who stole from another, etc:)

1. Karsen, my beautiful, outgoing and overly health conscious 7 year old daughter...and she is boy-crazy, more precisely teenage boy crazy..HELP

2. CJ, my little miracle, who lived when others wouldn't have and brightens my day. He gives kisses and hugs and tells me many times a day that he loves me...my special 3 year old son.

3. Easy to cry...but in private, unless you really piss me off I'm very unlikely to ...

My Weight Loss Bucket List

Tue, 8 May 2012 09:41:53 EST

I was inspired by reading another member's page and they had a fitness bucket list of sorts that they wanted to accomplish, so this is my version:

Big things I want to accomplish I want to lose as I lose and during my maintain:)

1. Go skydiving (this is going to be my reward for hitting goal)
2, Hike ancient ruins
3. White water rafting
4. Bungee jumping
5. Run a 5K
6. Surfing, not sure I'll like, but want to try:)
7. Go to the statue of...

50 gone on the road to 150

Thu, 3 May 2012 14:05:40 EST

So although it isn't official...aka, I haven't posted my weight yet on my Sparkpage cause I don't officially weigh in until Monday...I have hit my -50lbs gone. And I have a few accomplishments and ramblings to share:

-I can put my leg up on my other leg to get my shoes on, this vs. strategically positioning myself on the couch or god forbid the floor to put leg up to the side and tying shoes, all this while trying to prevent a hernia! I used to look at my lace up sneakers and cri...

DIET is a dirty word

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 23:54:23 EST

di·et
1 [dahy-it]: such a selection or a limitation on the amount a person eats for reducing weight: No pie for me, I'm on a diet.

Why is the word diet such a dirty word these days? Why does this have to be called a lifestyle change, healthy eating, etc. I'm on a diet....said and done...at least there is no confusion to what I'm trying to say! A diet doesn't have to have such a negative stigma...I'm fat and honestly I think I would prefer the term fat to sup...

Happy Monday!

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 10:56:35 EST

It really is a happy Monday for me for many reasons:

1. My kids are back to school after a long 10 days!!
2. My sciatic nerve issue with my leg is not present today for the first time in over 2 months...I don't want to get my hopes up, but would be great if it was better!!!
3. I hit my -40 gone and my 10% this week.
4. I'm happy and energetic today...not bad for about 4.5 hours of sleep!
5. Nice and warm out today:)

I haven't blogged in a while, ...

Will I ever walk again....?

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 09:40:18 EST

I stuck to my plan and started my exercise plan this past Tuesday, 3/20. First day decided to jump in w/ Wii's EA Active 2. Thinking that it asked for weight/height info, I was under the assumption that it would tailor the program to a *gasp* morbidly obese person....fail, I was so wrong. Not being a quitter, I soildered on...mistake. I started with a sciatic nerve issue pre-exercise, I ended with adding sore legs, and woke up w/ sore and stiff legs.

Not letting day #1 discour...

Confessional (#1)

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 11:01:08 EST

I felt the need to number this because I'm assuming it will be 1 of many:)

I confess to having 3 1/2 bad days last week (Thurs pm-Sunday)
I confess to not having started an exercise routine yet
I confess to not getting my sleeping pattern in check
I confess that my house is a disaster!!!

That is off my chest! Now in my defense...
I got my eating back in control on Monday and had a great day!! I didn't stray so far off track that I was buyi...

Exercise, Exercise, Exercise.....

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 23:59:29 EST

....is my nemesis right now. I have been suffering with a sciatic nerve issue for over 6 weeks. Shooting pains going from my right rear down my right leg, which has now developed into a semi-perm cramping/pain in my right calf. I have had this before, but never for so long. I'm using this forum to admit that I'm letting this stunt my efforts at starting to exercise. I really need to get some stretching in, maybe do a Leslie Sansome easy walk, break out a Wii fit...or easier on my leg yet...

Why am I doing this?

Tue, 6 Mar 2012 10:00:26 EST

Fooled you...bet you're thinking this is going to be a whine about poor me, falling off the wagon...but no, things are going just great, even looking forward to the nice weather on the horizon tomorrow and getting in some outdoor walking, I have a 5k (walking) in May that I need to prepare for!

Perhaps blog is a bit of a misnomer, this is more of a list-a motivational list of things that I would like to accomplish through my journey.

1. Ride amusement park rides with m...

So I had a bad day....

Sun, 4 Mar 2012 08:42:38 EST

Typically a bad day means my program is essentially over. I have such a hard time mentally recovering from "cheating" that I can't usually pull it together and find my way again. I had my first "bad day" Friday...and I mean a bad day....I tried to track the following day, but couldn't remember everything and of course wasn't measuring, so lord knows how many servings! Having a bad day just about 20 days into starting this was a downer for me, usually my motivation carries me through a few ...