http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=FERRETLOVER1 FERRETLOVER1's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5359962 Knock, knock. <BR> Who’s there? <BR> Jester. <BR> Jester who? <BR> Jester minute. <BR> I’m still thinking. <BR> _____________________ <BR> What controversial doctor did President Richard M. Nixon dub “the most dangerous man in America”? <BR> <BR> Dr. Timothy Leary, the clinical psychologist whose advocacy of LSD and other mind-altering drugs (“turn on, tune in, drop out”) made him a counterculture hero in the psychedelic 1960s. <BR> ____________________ <BR> General-Lee expensive <BR> <BR>... Sat, 18 May 2013 07:31:52 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5358908 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/1/l715304898.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I am going to try something a little bit new to me - beginning today, I will be counting my calories down instead of up. I will start with 1300 calories per day (2000 on Saturdays and Sundays) and subtract as I eat rather than starting at "0" and counting up. I have the feeling that this might work better for me since I find myself often going a little (or sometimes a lot) over my calories when I have a range lik... Fri, 17 May 2013 06:51:38 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5358201 Why did the boy get detention at Mime School? <BR> <BR> He talked in class. <BR> ____________________ <BR> What famous funnyman, as a struggling young comic, had a recurring role on the TV sitcom Benson until he was fired after three episodes? <BR> <BR> Jerry Seinfeld, in 1980. He played Frankie, a mail boy who was always trying to sell jokes. Seinfeld says he learned he had been fired when he showed up for a read-through and found there was no script for him. <BR> ____________________ <BR... Thu, 16 May 2013 06:36:10 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5357033 A bishop was sitting in a doctor’s waiting room when a nun ran out of an exam room, sobbing hysterically. The bishop stormed into the room and demanded to know what the doctor had said to her. <BR> “I told her she was pregnant,” the doctor admitted. <BR> “That can’t be true!” yelled the bishop. “Why would you ever say something like that?” <BR> “Well,” the doctor replied, “it sure did cure her hiccups!” <BR> ___________________ <BR> What two names out of the 10 proposed by ... Wed, 15 May 2013 06:36:53 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5355919 Jim and Tim were both studying philosophy in college. One day they decided to have lunch at a deli. When the waiter came over, Jim ordered himself a chicken sandwich and an egg salad sandwich. After the waiter left, Tim asked Jim, “Why did you order so much food?” <BR> “It’s an experiment,” Jim said. “I wanted to see which comes first, the chicken or the egg.” <BR> _________________ <BR> What actor has been “honored” more often than any other at Hollywood’s annual Golden Raspberry Awar... Tue, 14 May 2013 06:36:08 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5354725 Customer: There are smoke and flames coming from my computer. <BR> <BR> Tech support: Uh, hang up, unplug the computer from the wall, and call the local fire department. <BR> <BR> Customer: That’s not the problem. I need to know how to do a backup. Fastest possible method. <BR> <BR> -actual tech support call <BR> _________________________ <BR> How much oxygen—percentage-wise—is in the air we inhale? How much is in the air we exhale? <BR> <BR> Inhale, about 21 percent; exhale, about 16 pe... Mon, 13 May 2013 06:32:38 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5353761 Why was the Egyptian pharaoh put in a time-out? <BR> <BR> He disobeyed his mummy. Sun, 12 May 2013 07:52:48 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5352800 Knock, knock. <BR> Who’s there? <BR> Omar. <BR> Omar who? <BR> Omar darling Clementine. <BR> ____________________ <BR> What is a hyena actually doing when it makes its signature laughing sound? <BR> <BR> It’s expressing frustration, generally when fighting a more dominant hyena or hyenas for food. <BR> ___________________ <BR> OOPS! <BR> <BR> SERIES: Freaks and Geeks <BR> <BR> SETUP: In one episode, Bill (Martin Starr) digs into a carton of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! margarine. In a... Sat, 11 May 2013 06:50:01 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5351717 A police officer pulled over a driver for speeding. As the cop wrote the ticket, he noticed the driver had several machetes in his backseat. Suspicious, he asked, “What are those for?” <BR> “I’m a juggler,” the driver replied. “I use them in my act.” <BR> Not sure whether to believe the man, the cop said, “Show me.” <BR> So the man got out the machetes and began juggling them one at a time until he was juggling four machetes at once, amazing the police officer with his skill... Fri, 10 May 2013 06:44:17 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5350617 What did the beaver say to the tree? <BR> <BR> It’s been nice gnawing you. <BR> _____________________ <BR> Which small Caribbean resort island, known for its dazzling white sands, is named for its long, eel-like shape? <BR> <BR> <BR> Anguilla. Eel in Italian and Latin is anguilla; in Spanish, it’s anguila; and in French, it’s anguille. In English, anguilliform means “resembling or shaped like an eel.” <BR> ____________________ <BR> COMMERCIAL BREAK <BR> <BR> A high point in TV history <B... Thu, 9 May 2013 06:42:39 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5349426 “Morality is not properly the doctrine of how we may make ourselves happy, but how we may make ourselves worthy of happiness.” <BR> <BR> —IMMANUEL KANT, 18th-century German philosopher <BR> ___________________ <BR> “Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift.” <BR> <BR> -ALBERT EINSTEIN <BR> ___________________ <BR> One morning, little Joanna was sitting in the kitchen, watching her mother wash dishes. She noticed that her mom had several strands of white hair stre... Wed, 8 May 2013 06:43:30 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5348242 Yesterday, Cliff & I celebrated my birthday. We went to our favorite place for breakfast - where I was able to get lunch instead since I don't like breakfast that much. I had my favorite Chicken Caesar Salad - yum! Cliff had a swiss cheese omelet. <BR> <BR> Then we were on our way to Lisle, IL to the Morton Arboretum: <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/0/l500093772.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/1/l413493457.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http:... Tue, 7 May 2013 07:01:21 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5347017 Today, Cliff & I are going to celebrate my 60th birthday since he had to work yesterday...and I wanted to celebrate the whole day! <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I had a great day - I walked with my girlfriend like we always do every Sunday. Then we went garage and estate saling - something we both absolutely LOVE to do. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/8/l58222817.jpg"> <BR> These are some glass flowers that I found for only $5.00! <BR> <BR> Next comes my most excelle... Mon, 6 May 2013 07:04:33 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5345945 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/7/l179131228.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Finally, my 60th birthday has officially arrived! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/1/l2141573887.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I am trying to use a positive attitude because I am really struggling with being 60. I know it's just a number...but it's kind of an overwhelming number! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/9/l593777480.jpg"> Sun, 5 May 2013 07:19:40 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5345060 Knock, knock. <BR> Who’s there? <BR> Weasel. <BR> Weasel who? <BR> Weasel while you work. <BR> ____________________ <BR> Among Kentucky Derby champions, what was unique about Canonero II, the 1971 upset winner? <BR> <BR> He was the only foreign-based horse to win the Run for the Roses. He was from Venezuela. <BR> ____________________ <BR> “Good night, and good luck.” <BR> <BR> Possibly the most famous sign-off in TV history, this phrase was coined by 1950s CBS News personality Edward R. Mu... Sat, 4 May 2013 07:30:43 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5344028 60th Birthday Weekend! (Actual day is Sunday!) Celebration time!! <em>244</em> <BR> __________________________ <BR> Larry’s car broke down while he was driving through the countryside. He was waiting for a tow truck when he heard a deep voice say, “I bet it’s the carburetor.” He looked out his window, and all he saw was a big brown cow with a white circle around its right eye. Larry was too startled to say anything, so he jumped out of his car and ran down the road. When he came upon a ... Fri, 3 May 2013 07:23:02 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5342868 What did the Queen say to the Ace? <BR> <BR> “I’ve heard a great deal about you.” <BR> ______________________ <BR> In which Shakespearean play does the gift of a chest of tennis balls provoke a declaration of war? <BR> <BR> Henry V, in Act I, Scene ii. The gift, sent by the French dauphin to taunt Henry about the follies of his youth, triggers a tirade from Henry, who instructs the French ambassador to tell the dauphin “this mock of his hath turn’d his balls to gun-stones (cannonballs).” <... Thu, 2 May 2013 07:32:36 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5341566 Countdown to my 60th birthday...4 days! <em>107</em> <BR> <BR> ________________________________________<BR>______ <BR> Whose presidential portrait, rejected by its subject as “the ugliest thing I ever saw,” now hangs in the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C.? <BR> <BR> Lyndon B. Johnson’s. Artist Peter Hurd had been commissioned to paint it as Johnson’s official White House portrait. <BR> ________________________________________<BR>______ <BR> FIRST INTERRACIAL KISS ON AMERI... Wed, 1 May 2013 06:51:39 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5340336 Father: So you want to marry my daughter? <BR> Young man: Yes, sir, I do. <BR> Father: Well, do you make enough money to support a family? <BR> Young man: Yes, sir, I do. <BR> Father: Are you sure? There are six of us. <BR> __________________ <BR> What names did explorers Meriwether Lewis and William Clark give to the rivers known today as the Salmon and the Bitterroot? <BR> <BR> Lewis named the Bitterroot for Clark; Clark named the Salmon for Lewis. Neither name survived. But one very pers... Tue, 30 Apr 2013 06:51:13 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5339036 A man was trying to cross the street. But when he stepped off the curb, a car came screeching around the corner, heading straight for him. The man walked faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changed lanes and continued to come at him. So the guy turned around to go back, but the car changed lanes again and charged at him. By now, the car was so close and the man so scared that he just stopped in the middle of the road. The car got really close, then swerved at the last possi... Mon, 29 Apr 2013 06:55:35 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5337996 What did Mickey do when Minnie fainted? <BR> <BR> He gave her mouse-to-mouse resuscitation. Sun, 28 Apr 2013 08:14:14 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5337097 Tech support: Type “fix,” with an “f.” <BR> <BR> Caller: Is that “f” as in “fix”? <BR> <BR> -actual tech support call <BR> ___________________ <BR> When it comes to art, why does Las Vegas casino magnate Steve Wynn call himself the Inspector Clouseau of collectors? <BR> <BR> For accidentally poking his elbow through Pablo Picasso’s painting The Dream, the day before he was to turn it over to a buyer for $139 million. Inspector Clouseau, of course, is the bumbling detective of the Pink Pan... Sat, 27 Apr 2013 08:41:03 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5335998 The manager of a clothing store returned from his lunch and noticed that one of his clerks had a bandaged hand. He asked what happened, and the clerk answered, “Don’t worry about it, sir. I have great news! I finally sold that hideously ugly suit we’ve been trying to get rid of for so long.” <BR> “That’s great!” the manager said. “I thought we’d never get that pink-and-purple monstrosity out of here, but do tell me, what happened to your hand?” <BR> “Oh,” the clerk replied, “after... Fri, 26 Apr 2013 06:44:02 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5334892 What do you call an expert hypnotist? <BR> <BR> A stare master. <BR> <BR> <em>40</em> <em>314</em> <BR> _________________ <BR> For how many years was the soap opera Guiding Light on radio and TV before it was cancelled in 2009? <BR> <BR> 72. The long-running soap started out on radio as a 15-minute dramatic series on January 25, 1937. It moved to television in 1952, and aired its last episode on September 18, 2009. <BR> _________________ <BR> SCANDAL ON THE SET <BR> <BR> Most of t... Thu, 25 Apr 2013 06:34:15 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5333727 Theodore had just retired and was having a discussion with his wife, Sylvia, about the future. “What would you do if I died before you?” Theodore asked. <BR> Sylvia thought about it for a while and replied, “Oh, I’d probably share a house with several other single or widowed women. Since I’m still in good health, I think the other women could be a little younger than me.” <BR> Then Sylvia asked Theodore, “What would you do if I died first?” <BR> Theodore replied, “Probably t... Wed, 24 Apr 2013 06:33:44 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5332544 Patient: Doc, it hurts when I walk on my left foot. What should I do? <BR> Doctor: Try hopping around on your right foot. <BR> __________________ <BR> How long does it take the star-nosed mole—the fastest eating mammal—to identify and gobble down a chunk of food? <BR> <BR> It averages less than a quarter of a second—precisely 23 milliseconds—according to the journal Nature. <BR> __________________ <BR> AROUND THE WORLD <BR> <BR> FOREIGN SHOW: Japan’s Shoten <BR> <BR> ENGLISH TRANSLATION: ... Tue, 23 Apr 2013 06:30:18 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5331318 <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> BEHIND THE SCENES <BR> Hot dog! <BR> In 2008, Alyson Hannigan of How I Met Your Mother announced that she was pregnant. The show is carefully plotted over many seasons, and her character, Lily, wasn’t supposed to be pregnant yet, so writers turned the sight of an increasingly and obviously pregnant Hannigan into a running gag—she was often seen standing behind large, round objects like globes and basketballs that did little to hide h... Mon, 22 Apr 2013 06:58:22 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5330338 What did the lady frog wear on her feet? <BR> <BR> Open toad shoes. <BR> <BR> <em>201</em> Sun, 21 Apr 2013 08:01:41 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5329346 Knock, knock. <BR> Who’s there? <BR> Tamara. <BR> Tamara who? <BR> Tamara you’ll feel better. <BR> ___________________ <BR> What were the first names of Mammy and Pappy Yokum in the Li’l Abner comic strip? <BR> <BR> Mammy was Pansy; Pappy was Lucifer. <BR> ___________________ <BR> UNSEEN TV <BR> <BR> Prison Break Island <BR> <BR> Stephen King’s novel The Running Man, later made into a movie, is set around a futuristic TV game show in which criminals are hunted down for sport. In 2001, a T... Sat, 20 Apr 2013 06:40:37 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5328320 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/3/l53302113.jpg"> <BR> <BR> This is just one picture from the unreal flooding that occurred in and around where I live! It was and still is unbelieveable! Fri, 19 Apr 2013 06:12:54 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5327211 Girl: What are you reading? <BR> Boy: A mystery. <BR> Girl: But it looks like a math textbook. <BR> Boy: Well, it’s a mystery to me. <BR> ________________________ <BR> What is unusual about the Statue of Liberty pictured on the “forever” stamp issued by the U.S. Postal Service in December 2010? <BR> <BR> It’s not the famous statue in New York Harbor, but rather the half-size replica outside the New York–New York casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. According to postal officials, the stamp’s design ... Thu, 18 Apr 2013 06:23:49 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5326012 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/7/l1722143507.jpg"> Wed, 17 Apr 2013 06:29:33 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5324794 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/3/l933385016.jpg"> <BR> <BR> “What can I tell you? It starts with the occasional jelly doughnut, and before you know it, you’re a contestant on Animal Planet’s The Fattest Cat in America.” Tue, 16 Apr 2013 06:30:56 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5323555 A bartender was so sure he was the strongest man in town that he offered a standing $1,000 bet. He would squeeze all the juice out of a lemon and then hand it to someone at the bar. If that person could squeeze even one more drop of juice out of the lemon, he’d win the money. <BR> Many people had tried, but no one had ever won. Then one day a tiny, scrawny little man walked in and challenged the bartender. All of the patrons laughed at the man, but the bartender agreed to the challenge ... Mon, 15 Apr 2013 06:38:10 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5322486 What do you use to catch a school of fish? <BR> <BR> Bookworms. Sun, 14 Apr 2013 07:08:31 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5321560 Knock, knock. <BR> Who’s there? <BR> Gopher. <BR> Gopher who? <BR> Gopher a walk to calm your nerves. <BR> ___________________ <BR> What 2009 song had the shortest title of any No. 1 hit on the Billboard Hot 100? <BR> <BR> “3,” by Britney Spears. It was her third single to make it to No. 1 on the list. <BR> ___________________ <BR> EERIE AIRWAVES <BR> <BR> ON TV: Mad TV aired hundreds of sketches mocking popular culture, such as a fake Friday the 13th sequel called Jason in Space, a fake a... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 07:54:20 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5320405 A stockbroker was sent to jail and got nervous when he saw his cellmate, who looked like a real, hardened criminal. <BR> “Don’t worry,” the cellmate said. “I’m in for white-collar crime—same as you.” <BR> “Well, that’s a relief,” said the stockbroker. “I’m here for insider trading. What did you do?” <BR> “Nothing fancy like that!” the convict said. He grinned. “I just killed a couple of priests.” <BR> ___________________ <BR> Which nation’s flag did a Texas county mistakenl... Fri, 12 Apr 2013 06:42:25 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5319232 Two wizards were speeding along in their car when suddenly a policeman turned on his siren and gave chase. “Oh, no!” one said. “What are we going to do?” <BR> “Quick,” the other replied, “turn the car into a side street.” <BR> ________________________ <BR> What show business routine inspired football legend Knute Rockne to develop his infamous Notre Dame shift? <BR> <BR> The chorus line, which he admired for its precision and timing. Rockne’s shift—in which all four backs moved simult... Thu, 11 Apr 2013 06:10:22 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5317943 Whenever five-year-old Emma was asked her name, she replied, “I’m Mr. Stevenson’s daughter.” One day her mother told her that was wrong and that instead she should say, “I’m Emma Stevenson.” <BR> The next Sunday, the family went to church. After the service, the minister came up and asked her, “Aren’t you Mr. Stevenson’s daughter?” <BR> Emma replied, “I thought I was, but my mother says I’m not.” <BR> ___________________ <BR> What was the name of the BP offshore oil rig that expl... Wed, 10 Apr 2013 06:16:56 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5316706 Captain: Are you happy now that you’re in the army? <BR> Private: Yes, sir. <BR> Captain: And what were you before you were in the army? <BR> Private: Much happier. <BR> ______________________ <BR> What names are bellowed in the shouting contest held annually at the Tennessee Williams/New Orleans Literary Festival? <BR> <BR> Stella and Stanley. The anguished cries are in tribute to the most famous scene in Williams’s New Orleans–based play A Streetcar Named Desire, which was made even more ... Tue, 9 Apr 2013 06:23:08 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5315395 Teacher: Buddy, how many times am I going to have to punish you for causing trouble in class? <BR> Buddy: Forty-seven. <BR> Teacher: Why forty-seven? <BR> Buddy: That’s how many days are left until summer vacation. <BR> ___________________ <BR> In regulation 10-pin bowling, how far apart is each pin from its adjacent pins? <BR> <BR> <em>294</em> <BR> <BR> 12 inches, measured from the center of each pin. <BR> __________________ <BR> Wonnerful! <BR> <BR> On April 8, 1986, the Oklahoma E... Mon, 8 Apr 2013 06:36:13 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5314334 Q: What did the sick shoe say to the cobbler? <BR> <BR> A: Please heel me. <BR> __________________ <BR> What does a shark call a bunch of fish swimming together? <BR> <BR> A school lunch. <BR> __________________ <BR> What is the fastest moving mammal native to North America? <BR> <BR> The pronghorn (aka pronghorn antelope), which has been recorded running up to 53 miles an hour. <BR> _________________ <BR> Can you match the show with its theme song singer? <BR> <BR> 1. Pee-Wee’s Play... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 07:18:37 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5313359 Knock, knock. <BR> Who’s there? <BR> Pasta. <BR> Pasta who? <BR> Pasta salt and pepper. Sat, 6 Apr 2013 07:44:09 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5312221 Mark and Diane had just brought their new baby girl home from the hospital. It wasn’t long before the baby needed a diaper change, and Diane suggested that Mark take care of it. <BR> “I’m busy,” he said. “I promise I’ll do the next one.” <BR> The next time came around soon, and Diane again asked Mark to change the baby’s diaper. Mark looked at Diane and said, innocently, “I didn’t mean the next diaper—I meant the next baby.” <BR> <BR> <em>183</em> <em>176</em> <em>139</e... Fri, 5 Apr 2013 06:48:05 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5311010 Ronald: This part of the movie is really scary. You should close your eyes really tight. <BR> Rhonda: I can’t. I’m afraid of the dark! <BR> ___________________________ <BR> What presidential wannabe formed a rock band called Capitol Offense while serving as governor? <BR> <BR> Mike Huckabee, who was governor of Arkansas from 1996 to 2007. <BR> __________________________ <BR> WORDPLAY <BR> <BR> Boyfriends with funny names <BR> <BR> 30 ROCK: Liz Lemon’s (Tina Fey) many boyfriends have almos... Thu, 4 Apr 2013 06:55:48 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5309725 A defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner and asked, “Before you signed the victim’s death certificate, did you take his pulse?” <BR> “No,” the coroner answered. <BR> “Did you check to see if he was still breathing?” <BR> “No.” <BR> “So you didn’t take any steps to make sure the man was actually dead?” <BR> The coroner, tired of this line of questioning, said, “Well, the man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk … but for all I know, he could be out th... Wed, 3 Apr 2013 06:32:39 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5308436 Father: Why did you get such a low score on that test? <BR> Son: Absence. <BR> Father: You were absent on the day of the test? <BR> Son: No, but the boy who sits next to me was! <BR> _________________________ <BR> NBC-TV reporter John Chancellor: How could you tell the flying objects you saw were indeed unidentified? <BR> <BR> Woman: They had the letters UFO on their side. <BR> <BR> (during a news story about reported UFO sightings) <BR> ________________________ <BR> What band beat out th... Tue, 2 Apr 2013 06:54:18 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5307035 Mrs. Brown: What are you cooking? <BR> Mrs. Jones: This is my secret recipe for the very best dinner in town. <BR> Mrs. Brown: But it looks like you’re burning everything! <BR> Mrs. Jones: Yes, I am. And when my husband comes home and sees this blackened mess, he’ll take me out to a fancy restaurant. <BR> ___________________________ <BR> What fast-food chain placed full-page ads in six major U.S. newspapers announcing it had purchased the Liberty Bell to help cut the national debt? <BR> <BR... Mon, 1 Apr 2013 06:33:58 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5305984 Why did the bunny go to the beauty salon? <BR> <BR> To get her hare set. <BR> ______________________ <BR> How long did it take 9,700 participants to find 510,000 hidden candy eggs in the biggest Easter egg hunt on record? <BR> <BR> <em>451</em> <em>453</em> <em>452</em> <em>451</em> <em>453</em> <em>452</em> <em>449</em> <BR> <BR> Just one hour. The egg hunt was held in 2007 at the Cypress Gardens theme park in Winter Haven, Florida. <BR> _____________________ Sun, 31 Mar 2013 06:32:51 EST http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5305055 Knock, knock. <BR> Who’s there? <BR> Esther. <BR> Esther who? <BR> Esther Bunny! <em>450</em> <BR> __________________ <BR> Which capital city is the highest in the world? <BR> <BR> <BR> La Paz, Bolivia, at 11,913 feet above sea level. <BR> __________________ <BR> Sat, 30 Mar 2013 07:56:56 EST