FALLENXRUBY's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=FALLENXRUBY FALLENXRUBY's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5669648 I'm really tired of cycling back again, but I am going to keep writing about it and keep trying. I had another three weeks of abstention from sugar and I am on day three of another lapse. I wasn't losing any weight despite sticking to the plan. I guess I was overeating, but usually it still works. Maybe I have cycled back and forth too many times and my metabolism is messed up. Maybe the stress from my job messes up my metabolism. <BR> <BR> I also started an antidepressant (Celexa). I wasn'... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 08:43:09 EST Day Two: Take 18231 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5652390 So I made it nearly a month without sugar or grains, but then I caved on Saturday and had a four day relapse of bad eating. Unfortunately that short relapse cost me a six pound weight gain. I am on day two back on track. <BR> <BR> I am eating a ketogenic diet. I am going to try to use the tracker so I can keep my macros proportional. <BR> <BR> Why does food have to be so delicious? :) Thu, 20 Mar 2014 12:08:01 EST Day One: Feeling TERRIBLE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5625794 I am feeling really terrible emotionally. I am on day one without sugar. I am facebook accountable (since apparently trying to stay accountable on here doesn't seem to work well). I declared that I was on day one without sugar. Hopefully the public aspect of that will help me stay on track because my life got super unmanageable. Mikey bought me a ton of chocolate for Valentine's day and I ate it all within 24 hours. I was shaking and convinced I had diabetes, but still kept eating. What the f... Sun, 16 Feb 2014 19:20:10 EST Congestion of the Mind http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5611222 So yesterday didn't go exactly as planned, but I'm not going to be too hard on myself. I did binge in the evening and I only stayed on the treadmill for about fifteen minutes. I woke up feeling a little better this morning, but then I suddenly got a crazy case of the blues midday. I am seeing a psychiatrist in three weeks to consider medication. I have never taken medication for depression before because I have always wanted to go the natural way, but it's also negatively impacting so many ar... Fri, 31 Jan 2014 13:50:49 EST Enough http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5609899 I think I've finally had enough. I have gained 30 pounds since September. Most of my work pants have been folding over because of my round midsection. I have not been to the gym since early December. <BR> <BR> I posted something on Facebook about needing to go to sugar rehab, and got all this feedback and advice, which I wasn't really asking for, but I guess that's what happens when you post something on social media. The fact of the matter is, I know what I need to do. I just haven't been v... Thu, 30 Jan 2014 07:24:35 EST Stuck in a Rut http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5561435 I have been off track for a week and a half. I bought groceries to eat well, and yet, I continue to eat other terrible snacks on top of the healthy stuff. The scale shows a steady increase in weight. <BR> <BR> I am going to the gym today. I went on Saturday and did 5k in 35:12 which is my best time yet. Must've been all those donuts. <BR> <BR> Rawr! Tue, 10 Dec 2013 16:08:41 EST Yam Fries http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5554443 Maybe it's a curse for me to post in this blog because I ran in to a couple of problems, and have cheated on the juice fast. First, my mom decided to stop her fast. I knew she wasn't in it for the long haul, so I don't know why I let that affect me. <BR> <BR> Then, the juicer started overheating and freaking out. It is an old juicer with an old blade, and I think I'm being overzealous about what I choose to juice. It started to freak after cabbage, an apple, a beet, and a carrot. It smelled ... Sun, 1 Dec 2013 18:57:29 EST Day Three of Juice Fast http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5554356 So I continued eating like a maniac for days on days. I have finally surrendered and began a juice fast with my mom. My long arching goal is to eventually complete sixty days, in line with Joe Cross' Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead; but I am doing the short term goals first. I am shooting for fifteen days right now. <BR> <BR> It is nice to have a few days of success after having so many lapses over the last few months. I weighed myself one evening (likely weighted down with food) and the scale re... Sun, 1 Dec 2013 17:11:22 EST Crazy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5545553 I can't even look my parents in the eye. I am so ashamed about my eating and about their "jokes" about hiding food from me. That is what Tony said. He said it was just a joke, but he gently tried to say that I have a thing for provolone and he didn't want it to disappear. I can't even remember eating all his provolone. I must be in denial about my eating over the years. My mom looked at me like I was crazy when I denied eating their food. <BR> <BR> I feel terrible. I have no will power in t... Tue, 19 Nov 2013 20:08:16 EST Prioritizing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5543725 So I have been continuing to struggle with food, but I think that these struggles are giving way to some breakthroughs. Every day, I am going to try to pray for the willingness to eat for nourishment and health, and not for gluttony and self harm. Today, I ate healthy options, and for that, I'm pleased, even if it was above my caloric needs. This is a process, not a destination. <BR> <BR> We conquered the Spartan race yesterday! Admittedly, I did probably about half of the obstacles, either... Sun, 17 Nov 2013 19:30:00 EST Sick and Tired http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5542203 I'm sick and tired of writing the same depressing entries, but I'm still stuck in a run and keep eating trigger foods and bingeing. I am really in need of some success again to put some wind in my sails. I guess I need to just incorporate small things each week and give myself a pat on the back each time I'm able to do one of those things. <BR> <BR> I did run my 5k on Wednesday in 36:08. I do the Spartan Sprint tomorrow and I'm TERRIFIED. I just watched a video of all the obstacles, and I am... Fri, 15 Nov 2013 20:30:31 EST Day One: Back on Track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5539191 I am declaring it day one, but I am still struggling. I came clean to my sponsor in NA about binge eating and throwing up my food. Although we both agreed I need to find therapy for these issues in particular, I tried yesterday to find a therapist who have slots that meet my schedule (preferably someone who someone I know uses because I had a really bad therapist last year), and my hours are so crazy at work that it's really tough to find those spots. She said she is willing to be someone I c... Tue, 12 Nov 2013 12:07:21 EST Soul Hunger http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5534871 I went to my first OA meeting last night. I binged before and after on sweets in embarrassing quantity. I wrote in my last entry about the struggle I was experiencing. Well, I was obsessing yesterday about an eclair I saw in the teacher's lounge. On my way home from school, I had to pray every time I went by a Dunkin Donuts because I wanted to stop and get a donut so bad. <BR> <BR> I tried to identify my feelings, and I guess I just felt tired and discomfort. I just felt empty. I didn't nece... Thu, 7 Nov 2013 12:04:21 EST Help. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5533930 My excitement from the entry on Friday has dissipated. I have not trained since. I had another "candy" relapse/binge last night. I am really obsessing about food today. At first, I just wanted to make up for eating so much by fasting, but in actuality, I've already eaten more than my caloric intake for the day and I just want to keep eating. My body is really messed up from this continual abuse. I literally never feel full. I know I'm doomed to feel hungry when in a calorie deficit in order t... Wed, 6 Nov 2013 12:47:56 EST encouraged http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5528912 Grrr. Blogging from my phone just led to a lengthy blog disappearing on me. I am feeling renewed with hope. My friend got me to the gym at 4:30 a.m. this morning and we're planning a juice fast after thanksgiving. <BR> <BR> I had a good workout to start off my Friday. I have good support here and with my buddy. I'm excited. Fri, 1 Nov 2013 06:49:08 EST Weekly Weigh In http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5528513 I weighed in at 207 today. Five pounds gained. Not the direction I wanted to go! This is due to a day of eating copious amounts of everything (mainly candy). <BR> <BR> I know that one person is mega against my low carbing, but I really believe in the science behind it, especially since it is the only thing that has worked for me. I guess time will tell. If I do start to switch, then I'm going to have to change my entire diet, except the veggies because I mostly focus on eating meats and vegg... Thu, 31 Oct 2013 16:45:56 EST FUNKtioning http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5526880 I have been in a funk for weeks now, as indicated in previous entries. I am starting to feel a little better, more functional, but I am struggling with food so much. It is the time of year that I usually begin falling off the diet wagon. Halloween tends to be a trigger and then all the other holidays follow suit. <BR> <BR> I gained a lot of weight over the course of the last week. I cheated last Friday with some beans and chips at a Mexican place. Then Saturday I ate some honeycrisp apples w... Tue, 29 Oct 2013 21:54:26 EST The Disease of Addiction http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5521697 - What does "the disease of addiction" mean to me? <BR> "The disease of addiction" means that there is something of me that makes it impossible for me to use my willpower alone to overcome my compulsion to binge eat. It makes me obsess about food in ways that are unhealthy. <BR> <BR> <BR> -Has my disease been active recently? In what way? <BR> My disease has been active in my eating. I have been bingeing and feeling really out of control, and wanting to throw away all my hard work because I... Wed, 23 Oct 2013 21:03:23 EST Post-Meltdown http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5518396 I had a major meltdown last night. I was so sick of the desire to resort to food that I wanted to use drugs. I have been drug free for over three years. Luckily, I wasn't able to do that, but I binged instead. I made sugar free pumpkin cheesecake and ate peanut butter and yogurt and all the things that are like half cheats for me, and full cheats when eating in the excess that I did. <BR> <BR> My sponsor suggested that I write a step one about food. She said that this manifestation has been ... Sun, 20 Oct 2013 10:17:45 EST Stress, Sunshine, and Sleep http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5516763 Blogging is really essential to my sanity right now! I have been listening to my body and have decided not to IF these past couple of days. I have been hungry in the morning and throughout the day. This brings me to a new stage of this journey where I need to begin really practicing portion control, especially if I'm eating multiple meals a day. <BR> <BR> Today, I logged my meals ahead of time, so I'm fully aware how important it is to stay on track. Fridays can be tough because a lot of opp... Fri, 18 Oct 2013 09:02:07 EST Weekly Weigh In http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5516240 So I weighed in this morning, and I was pleased to see that I lost a pound even though I ate a ton this weekend. I think it proves that eating low carb allows me to consume more calories. Or maybe my apple cider vinegar and cayenne pepper shots are working in my best interest. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I am excited to really get under 200. FOR GOOD! Next week's weigh in is the week for me! I just need to stay really focused this week to get there. I looked at my line graph report and I was this wei... Thu, 17 Oct 2013 16:10:47 EST Forward Moving http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5514668 So I am (almost) caught up on grading. I plan to go to Starbucks early tomorrow and finish up. That makes life a little more bearable. Now all the parents emailing and calling about their son or daughter's missing work has begun, so that adds another dimension to the stress, but I just try to treat each situation with integrity and patience. <BR> <BR> I haven't been training hard enough. I mean, I went on hikes the past two days and today, I went on a short walk and lifted...one of the kids... Tue, 15 Oct 2013 22:09:55 EST Binge Weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5512584 I have been eating like crazy all weekend. Thankfully, I have not been eating sugar, grains, or other foods, but I have been going WAY over my calories each day. It feels terrible. I have just been feeling lethargic and emotional on my period and wanting to eat. It is not good. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I will get back on track completely. I think I have one more yogurt left and little peanut butter, and then I'm going back to keto PERIOD. I might even need to take a break from kombucha. <BR> <BR... Sun, 13 Oct 2013 20:16:28 EST Gain Twenty in Five Weeks! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5511630 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/3/l730116034.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Sooo...that was yesterday. I guess I ate out of exhaustion and because I was around a lot of people. They weren't eating that out of control though. I got my period for the first time in two months. Maybe that made me want to eat also. <BR> <BR> Today, I have already eaten my caloric intake. <BR> <BR> I don't know. I kinda just want to veg out and continue eating to be honest...but I do not want to gain twenty p... Sat, 12 Oct 2013 15:34:51 EST Prerun Strategizing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5510426 Alright. So I made it to Friday. Tomorrow, I have to tutor students, but today I get to catch up and go to Nine Inch Nails and dance, spend time with friends, and by the end of this weekend, I will be caught up. <BR> <BR> I lost two pounds this week, but now that I have been logging calories, I know where I am falling short. <BR> <BR> I averaged about 1900 calories each day for the past week. That is a lot. I have been trying to eat low carb, high fat, but I think I have been adding fat w... Fri, 11 Oct 2013 05:50:26 EST F You Negative Self Talk http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5509324 I have been fighting negative self talk love. Maybe Martin Luther King Jr. was right: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Maybe...but then again, saying "f you" to things that stand in my way, especially donuts, cupcakes, and myself seems to work right now. <BR> <BR> I have been training for the Spartan Sprint and my limitations have been really frustrating. I should be grateful for all the amazing things my body CA... Wed, 9 Oct 2013 21:16:33 EST Spartan Motivation! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5505936 So I just decided to sign up for the Spartan Race with some friends. It's six weeks from now. I am so excited because I now have something specific for which to train and less excuses when it comes to exercise until then. The last time I completed an obstacle race (Warrior Dash), I loved how I was forced to overcome my self doubt that tried to stop me from completing different obstacles. It was such a good feeling. I am excited. I am going with another friend who struggles with his relationsh... Sun, 6 Oct 2013 11:41:21 EST Weekly Weigh In: Gain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5503785 I weighed in today and had a.2 lb gain. I have been eating according to plan, except I reintroduced plain greek yogurt as a dessert with natural peanut butter, cocoa powder, and coconut oil. It is running me about 16 carbs per serving which is a lot when I'm aiming for only 20. I guess it isn't working because I gained weight on a week that I thought I did well. <BR> <BR> I still have seven though so I am going to eat them until next week and then go on a strict induction phase to get back i... Thu, 3 Oct 2013 19:44:31 EST Tired of Making Excuses http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5499829 I had a hell day of planning. It is way past my bed time. It took me FOURTEEN hours to plan for one week. It is insane the amount of hours I can put in, and still feel so behind. <BR> <BR> I am thinking that there is some fear in getting to where I want to be weight-wise. I think in the past, I have perpetuated the cycle of failure because I really felt like a failure. Even with everything good I do, I tend to want to minimize it. <BR> <BR> I mean...so much of my relationship with food is ... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 00:51:42 EST Timeless Plateau http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5499233 So I am struggling with getting under 200, so I looked at some (handwritten) journal entries from 2011 (the last time I got under 200, and I am realizing I only got down to 198 and then yoyoed until gaining. <BR> <BR> Every time I've allowed myself to completely lose track, I have gained an extra fen than my startung losing weight. This basically means that if I give up, I'm likely to be 252 the next time I try, and that thought scares me...in a good way. I never want to get to be that big. ... Sun, 29 Sep 2013 11:13:23 EST Weekly Weigh http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5496573 Well, I cheated again last night at the Big E. I did go for a mini jog/speed walk beforehand because I had a feeling. I didn't eat all bad things though although I sure had my fill. I ate a cream puff, chocolate chip cookie, apple cider, apple cider donut, chilli, and salmon on a stick. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I gained 2.2 pounds this week, so I am now 204.2. I am going to do a thirty day primal challenge without cheating. From now until the end of the year, there are many excuses to cheat, but I... Thu, 26 Sep 2013 06:47:29 EST Post Cheat Day Gloom http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5495290 I was looking back at entries after looking at my weight loss chart, and trying to see what worked on weeks that I lost a lot of weight. Generally, it was getting lots of exercise, it seems. <BR> <BR> Work makes it so hard to make it to the gym. It is frustrating because it makes me feel much better. <BR> <BR> I got majorly depressed Sunday going into Monday. I wonder if it was from the food I ate at the Big E. I think it was a combination of things, but looking back and noticing how down ... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 20:56:38 EST Forty Lost! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5492597 I started this weight loss stint at the beginning of Summer. My goal was to get below 200 by the end of summer. Today is the Autumnal Equinox and I am 202 pounds, which means I've lost forty pounds! <BR> <BR> It's been two years since I have been down to this weight, and even that was short lived. The last time I maintained below 200 was 3 years ago before I quit smoking. <BR> <BR> I am going to the Big E today and having a planned cheat day. I resisted cheating at a party on Friday and d... Sun, 22 Sep 2013 09:21:14 EST Goal Extension http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5490492 I still have three pounds to lose by Sunday to meet my goal, so it's looking like I'll have to extend my goal to next week's weigh in. I did lose 2.8 poubds in the last week. I did not meet my goal of going to the gym though. I've been super busy trying to catch up with grading. I need to work out this weekend because I have a planned cheat day on Sunday for the Big E. This will be my last cheat day for awhile and then I can commit. <BR> <BR> I will shoot for 190 by Halloween. I also have a... Thu, 19 Sep 2013 19:14:16 EST Sunday Ah! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5486555 So it's Sunday, which means that I should already have my lessons plans uploaded and everything graded, but I decided to enjoy myself this weekend and slacked off a bit with responsibility. I am okay with this choice right now, but tomorrow might be another story! <BR> <BR> And I'll write a quick entry even though I have a number of other things I should be doing. I have been eating according to plan since last Thursday (the last entry) thankfully! I guess I am a little motivated by the des... Sun, 15 Sep 2013 20:25:19 EST Nine Day Challenge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5483385 I have been continuing to struggle but I did a weigh in today since I skipped one last week. I lost about a pound after two weeks of eating crazy. I ate an entire tray of brownies over the weekend. <BR> <BR> One of my goals was to be under 200 by the end of summer. I am 205.8 and I have 9 days left. I am going to let that steep goal guide me since I need motivation to truly recommit. Otherwise, I am likely to go eat pastries at this Parent Teacher breakfast I need to attend before school. I... Thu, 12 Sep 2013 06:58:54 EST Rough Week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5479456 So I ended up binging quite a bit this week. I had many meltdowns. I even threw up my food yesterday because I felt so out of control. This is obviously not healthy on many levels. <BR> <BR> I don't know why I continued to binge. For some reason, I felt like I would get some sort of relief, release, or satisfaction if I just ate this one more thing. Obviously nothing gave me the relief I was looking for. In the midst of a binge, I did blank out for a while, so I guess that's what I'm looking... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 11:56:29 EST Trying to Get Back on Track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5474026 I had a binge on Saturday and today (Monday). I hadn't been acting out like that in a while. I want to get back on track. I do not want to sabotage my efforts. I guess I have just been stressed by my new job, and wanting some type of relief, but food does not make me feel any better. It is a terrible feeling to be caught in the grips of a binge. <BR> <BR> I will get back on track! Mon, 2 Sep 2013 22:40:04 EST Redirecting My Perspective http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5470552 So I still lost this week even though I only made it to the gym twice...and one of those times was only for fifteen minutes! I am glad I made it to the gym though because it helped battle some of my extreme mental fatigue from all of the brain work I've had to do to try to get on track with everything in the new school year. <BR> <BR> It is a LOT of work, but I do love teaching. I have a great time with the kids when I have a well-planned lesson in front of me. It's just a lot of extra stuff... Fri, 30 Aug 2013 07:01:16 EST Quick Entry http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5468239 SOOO tired! Tomorrow is the first day of a normal schedule with my new students. Today they had an orientation day and did some diagnostic testing. Even though I worked two twelve hour days, I did not stray too much from a plan. I have been living off of keto cups as a dessert though. I just haven't been able to make it to the gym the past two days. I'm exhausted. I haven't gotten good rest. I am going to bed immediately. I may not lose as much this week, but I am still on a good path. I just... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 20:52:52 EST Habit to Hoop http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5465620 I am down to the wire here with creating my lesson plans for the first week of school. I am at Barnes and Noble, so I can drink coffee and get it done! <BR> <BR> I got to hula hoop at a party yesterday. It is amazing how good I feel when I'm hooping. It's really my favorite. I forget to do in though! I need to remember to do it even when I'm super busy. It's so good for my BRAIN! I kind of want to start a hula hoop club at my school. That way I can help the kids decorate their own hoops and... Sun, 25 Aug 2013 10:45:14 EST Results Speak: A Good Week! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5462740 I lost nearly 7 pounds this week, getting down to 208.8. My goal for the end of summer was to be under 200, which seemed near impossible last week, but now I am pretty excited that I'm really close to making it! <BR> <BR> What did I do this week that worked? I burned lots of calories at the gym on the treadmill, elliptical, arc trainer, and bike while catching up on reading so i can build my curriculum. I went for walks and bike rides. I did a day of intermittent fasting in which my reward ... Thu, 22 Aug 2013 07:34:26 EST School Begins http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5460377 So today was the first day of professional development and it was exhausting! Having the summer off, besides working at camp, my brain is just mush I guess. They provided breakfast and lunch today and I had to navigate away from croissants, muffins, soda, pizza, fried chicken, and french fries, and find my way to eggs, veges, and hamburg. I knew to expect this. Originally, I wanted to do some intermittent fasting for breakfast and lunch and have a big dinner, but I found that my appetite was ... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 21:30:05 EST Down Again! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5456633 I am finally going down again. I did my weekly weigh in and weighed in at 215.6, which is four pound less than last week. In the past two weeks. it is only a loss of a pound, but I'm glad the scale is moving in the right direction again. <BR> <BR> I joined the gym again yesterday, this time Planet Fitness, so I can take advantage of multiple locations and not have any excuses. So far, yesterday and today, I just did hours of slow movement on the treadmill, elliptical, stairmaster thing, and ... Thu, 15 Aug 2013 22:29:05 EST Activity Up, Struggling with Food http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5453063 I had a great weekend. I did eat a lot that I didn't plan to eat, but I hooped like crazy and walked and lifted our camp gear. I'm quite sore, but in a good way! I have been eating sugar and processed crap in the last 24 hours and I need to get back on track. I know I can do it. I plan to treat myself on Saturday because I am celebrating 3 years clean and it is customary to have cake. My friend said she would bake me something from scratch. I just want to keep it controlled though. Every chea... Mon, 12 Aug 2013 15:58:36 EST Weekly Weigh In http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5449458 I weighed in today and gained three pounds over the course of this week. I had that really bad cheat/binge day on Monday, so that's part of it, but I also have just been emotionally eating even if it's according to plan. I can't even pinpoint what it causing the emotions that lead to eating, but it's happening and I am just really wishing for the will power that I had when I first started this. As a matter of fact, I did not start this with much will power. My sister had to give me a pep talk... Fri, 9 Aug 2013 00:23:26 EST Caved http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5445549 I got so many nice comments in the last entry, but then today was a much different story. I totally went into binge mode, and I'm feeling very depressed as a result. This week is "Cooking" week at the camp, and I was put in charge on a dirt cake activity with the kids today. I ended up eating dirt cake, oreos, gummy worms, and then continued to eat pizza, donuts, and a muffin later. <BR> <BR> i don't understand why I lost complete control by the end of the day. I wish I could have just allo... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 17:39:05 EST Not Caving to Cravings http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5443770 Ah! I made it through today, and it was SO challenging. I just was really craving everything bad. There were these free donuts at my meeting that looked worth it. Then I was fixated on other desserts all day. A friend offered me half of this decadent looking cream cheesy brownie, and I was in a trance. <BR> <BR> But I made it through. I had to pause and pray and even call my boyfriend to ask him to remind me why I'm not cheating today. It worked though. I resisted all temptation today. I am... Sun, 4 Aug 2013 00:56:46 EST Truckin' http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5441468 I wrote a long blog entry and then was unable to load it and therefore lost it, and then I began writing another one on my phone, and got sidetracked and lost that as well. <BR> <BR> I lost two pounds according to my weekly weigh in! On Saturday, I actually fell off the wagon on my primal lifestyle, also. Although, Mark Sisson does believe you should be primal 80% of the time and expect to make mistakes. I struggled to get back on track the following two days, but I'm full stride again. I a... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 20:08:41 EST Return from Vacation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5433733 My three week vacation/phish tour has come to an end. I did not meet my lofty goal of losing 14 pounds. I believe I lost about 5, which is normal, healthy weight loss. With so much weight to lose, I really wanted it to happen a little faster in these early stages, but I guess that's just not the case. <BR> <BR> I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised by the 1.2 weight loss this week because we walked so much in Chicago, danced our bums off, and ate very little. I think my body is sort of platea... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 23:35:41 EST