ESTHERC's SparkPeople Blog ESTHERC's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Bitchfest: Confessions of a Fat Runner <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Since I started running in February, I am totally thrilled about the changes that running has brought into my life. I feel like a real athlete. Yes, I roll my eyes at the folk who finish 5Ks in under 15 minutes, but I still feel pretty accomplished knowing from whence I've come. Being raised by Southern divas and always being warned to look good when you leave the house because you never know who's looking at yo... Tue, 26 Jul 2011 10:47:28 EST The Race has been Run <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Race Day was yesterday and I'm already missing the routine of being on a training schedule. I ran my race in 38.23 minutes. My coach said I should be able to run a 13 minute mile during the whole race, so I beat that goal! I'm trying to figure out now what my next race goal should be. My PT told me I should be able to run a half marathon in 12 weeks, but I'm a little afraid to add on 10 miles in such a short pe... Mon, 6 Jun 2011 16:13:26 EST Yeah, I'm a Champ <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Saturday morning was gray and rainy, but when my alarm went off at 7:30am, I knew I had a workout in an hour that I didn't want to miss. When I got the park, it started to pour, but no one acted like we were going to postpone the run, so I put on my running cap and tried to get my mind right. I ran with a volunteer coach and another woman training for the 5K. I ran longer than I have ever run on an outdoor run. ... Mon, 16 May 2011 15:31:11 EST Twelve minute time test <img src=""> <BR> <BR> When it was time for my workout last night, I felt so sleepy. I was tempted to go home, but since I knew yesterday was a group workout, I didn't want to miss it. The coach chose me and another woman to do a timed run. I didn't really know what to expect. I was told that I'd have to run for 12 minutes straight and they would see how far I could run in that time period. I wasn't really concerned about the 12 min... Thu, 12 May 2011 14:37:03 EST Consistency Counts <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Well I was a slacker with my workouts last week. The last real day of working out was two Saturdays ago. I was out of town and it was raining all day, so I figured I had no excuse as to not use the hotel's gym to get my workout in. The next day, I walked around NYC for most of the day and had to ride home on a cramped Megabus, so my knees were aching. I wasn't feeling the gym last week, so I didn't go until Frid... Mon, 25 Apr 2011 15:10:25 EST Happy Hour <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I'm planning on heading to happy hour in the next few minutes and I'm feeling slightly panicked. I haven't eaten meat all week and I'm wondering if there will be any meatless appetizers there besides fried cheese. Also, I haven't exercised at all this week and I don't want to wreck my good food choices this week by drinking a ton of calories tonight. How do you hang out and have fun when you're trying to get in ... Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:15:36 EST It's a New Day <img src="> <BR> <BR> I'm training for a 5K. Even when I write it here, it sounds like such a dinky little thing. A 5K is a bit more than 3 miles, but I've committed to training for this race and I hope to be able to run the entire race without stopping. I figure I've got to start somewhere with this running thing, and I enjoy the people who I'm running with, and maybe, just maybe, I'll catch the running bug and this will be the first... Wed, 20 Apr 2011 13:09:58 EST Rainbows and Butterflies <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yesterday was simply perfect. A butterfly lighted on my shoulder and a unicorn let me pet it. <BR> <BR> Clearly that is a lie! Yesterday sucked as much as Monday, but I did one thing right, I got my workouts in on both days. <BR> <BR> I'm just trying to get control of my eating. Yesterday I ate a whole pint of ice cream. I know that I am an emotional eater, I'm just hoping to reign it in so that I can start se... Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:43:00 EST Today I am a PMS-y Mess <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Today I am totally hating being a woman. On any other day, I'd be waving the pink flag, but that's not happening today. I've been eating chocolate all day. I had a chocolate chocolate chip muffin for breakfast and just had some M&Ms. And to accompany the chocolate cravings, I've been on the brink of tears all day regretting lost loves, a stagnant career and being underemployed, family drama and every other piss... Mon, 27 Sep 2010 19:41:53 EST Back to Gym <img src=""> <BR> (no more mailing it in for me!) <BR> <BR> I finally got a workout in last night. I wasn't that thrilled about going, but I know I had to get it done. I warmed up with a mile and a half run and then I hit the weight machines. I love the weight machines! Well maybe not love, but I love the idea of that by lifting weights I could one day have a chiseled body of a fitness model. We can all dream, right? Any way, I th... Wed, 22 Sep 2010 15:24:38 EST Feeling like a slug <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I haven't done any sort of exercise since Wednesday and I'm feeling bad about it. Thursday morning, I figured I'd take off because I had run on Wednesday. Friday morning, I had a filing due which I had waited until the last minute to draft, so that took up the larger part of my morning, and the time of day in which I would have gotten a workout in. I knew I had to come into the office today, so I laid in the bed... Sat, 18 Sep 2010 14:18:27 EST I'm Going! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Today was a good day. I started my second week of C25K and totally zoned out this morning during my run. So much so, I had to figure out how to get back home. I'm naturally a daydreamer and it's really easy to zone out with the music playing and concentrating on when the next run is coming up. I've got to be more careful. The run was nice. I still feel nauseous when I run. I don't know if that's normal or if th... Wed, 8 Sep 2010 18:17:39 EST Today was the day <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So today, I finally started C25K on the pavement. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be once I got out of the house, but getting out of the house was a bit of a struggle. I know people say you should wear your clothes to bed or put your clock far away from your bed so that you'll have to walk to it to shut it off. I usually get up normally around 5:30, but I like to just lie there. I made it out of the hous... Wed, 1 Sep 2010 10:57:16 EST I'm starting over <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I few months ago, I finished the Couch to 5K program and was quite happy that I had finished the program through to completion. But, I did most of the program on a treadmill, so I've decided to start over and to take it to the streets. <BR> <BR> I'm always super self conscious when I run in my neighborhood, but since doing the 5K is one of my big goals for this year, I know I need to get on it. <BR> <BR> Sat, 28 Aug 2010 21:42:56 EST My Mind is Blown <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Last week I went to my general practitioner for a regular check-up in anticipation of my myomectomy. She did the regular array of tests and she did mention that in my previous appointment my thyroid levels were a bit high. On Tuesday, my doctor called to say that my thyroid levels were indeed high and that I am hypothyroid. She told me that she was calling in a prescription for me to start immediately. <BR> <B... Tue, 10 Aug 2010 18:02:21 EST Right back at it! A few weeks ago, I tried running outside for the first time and woke up the next day with an aching back. I don't know if it was my shoes or the concrete sign walk, but I was in pain and decided to rest my back for a few days. A few days turned into a few weeks and I didn't get back to exercising until around July 3rd. I only walked around an outdoor track for an hour, but I felt better and felt that at least I had gotten some cardio done. <BR> <BR> I've been feeling really bad mentally... Thu, 15 Jul 2010 17:42:31 EST I Hit A Wall...Hard! <img src=""> <BR> Last week was a little weird as far as my schedule being out of whack a bit and I was dealing with a lot of things emotionally. When I got to Friday, I did not want to work out at all. Dealing with so much emotionally, I was in tears by the time I got to the gym. I got on the treadmill and ran for ten minutes then I slowed down to a walk for a few minutes and then attempted to run it again, but I just wasn't into it. ... Mon, 17 May 2010 11:53:30 EST I am a Runner <img src=""> <BR> Last night I was able to run for twenty five minutes straight. I am amazed! <BR> <BR> I've always been athletically inclined, but as an adult I've never really done much to challenge my body physically and have been gaining more and more weight as the years go by. About two months ago, I decided to do the couch to 5k program because I want to do the Komen Breast Cancer run and I know that I've always told myself that ... Tue, 11 May 2010 11:32:00 EST I'm Feeling Powerful <img src=""> (I'm not an advocate of violence or guns, but I think this picture is pretty kickass!) <BR> <BR> Today, I'm feeling powerful. Not because I've done anything extraordinary, but because I've stayed committed to this running thing. I wanted to run last night, but ended up not getting home until well after my gym was closed so I couldn't. I did get up this morning though to get my run in. Although I was a little achy, I ackno... Thu, 29 Apr 2010 14:08:21 EST I'm Pooped!! <img src=""> <BR> I have been so tired this week and I don't know if it's because of the exercise or something else. I've made to week four of the couch to 5K program and I'm really proud of myself, but as soon as I get home in the evening and attempt to just lie across my bed for a few minutes, I find myself knocked out and waking up the next morning not having done a thing that I wanted to do that night. <BR> <BR> I know I need to a... Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:08:40 EST Sunday Morning <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am not a morning person and I'm especially not a morning person on the weekends. This Sunday was jam packed, and I knew I would have to get up early in order to get my workout in if I was to stay on my running schedule for the couch to 5K program. When I woke, I tried to figure out what could be pushed back so that I wouldn't have to get up so early, but nothing seemed to work. So, I willed myself out of the be... Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:27:01 EST Calorie Overload <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I finished the second day of Week 2 of the Couch to 5K program this morning. I'd like to be triumphant about, but I just tracked my calories for the day and am wishing I had made other food choices. Yesterday, I had a craving for pizza and since I don't eat pizza that often, I ordered one. I ate about three slices yesterday and three slices today. I also had a frappucino from Starbuck's today. When I totalled ... Fri, 9 Apr 2010 16:00:06 EST I Pressed On <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Today was my first time back in the gym since last week, so I decided to start week 2 of the couch to 5K program again. It was really tough to get out of the bed this morning. I just lay there thinking about how I'd never lose weight and I was just wasting my time. I'll chalk it up to PMS. I finally shook off the negative blues and made my way to the gym. When I got to the gym, I found a treadmill and motioned ... Wed, 7 Apr 2010 20:25:04 EST Back on the Wagon This week I'm committing to getting back on the horse. I had a lovely week last week and a lovely weekend, but didn't really make time to go to the gym. I am making a new committment toworking out. I will continue to make it a priority. Mon, 5 Apr 2010 17:07:32 EST Finding my Joy <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This little dog has a lot to do with this blog entry, he makes me smile and I think that's enough. <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> With so many changes having occurred in my life within the past year, I sometimes find it hard to look on the brighter side of things. I have to actively work at finding the silver lining. But, I am also working hard to get over being my pessimistic self and to start honoring the things th... Thu, 1 Apr 2010 14:21:29 EST I Love the Melting Pot, but Running...not so much <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So, I've been a serious slacker on my workouts. I hadn't worked out since Saturday and my body surely is feeling the pain. I started week 2 of the couch to 5k running program and my hips feel like they are on fire. <BR> <BR> I had a great time celebrating a friend's birthday last night at the Melting Pot, but knew that if I didn't go the gym, I would throw the entire second week of my running program off, so I... Wed, 31 Mar 2010 19:06:52 EST Releasing Weight and My Inner Actress <img src=""> <BR> Along with losing weight, one of my goals this year has been to break free. Break free of old fears and old habits. As of late, I've been feeling completely stifled and a little bit powerless to affect the things that are happening in my life, so to take back my power I am setting goals to force me out of my comfort zone. One of those things is to get back into things I used to like when I was younger like acting, dan... Thu, 25 Mar 2010 19:19:07 EST Movie Madness <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Last night I had a free pass to see "How to Train Your Dragon", which was a cute little movie and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But, the downside to going to the movies is the food. Not only did I eat a hotdog, but I also ate buttered popcorn and a massive amount of soda. I don't even like soda, but I knew I wanted a hotdog and my girlfriend wanted a hotdog, so I figured we'd save money if I bought the hotdog combo an... Wed, 24 Mar 2010 16:18:45 EST I'm on a Roll! <img src=""> <BR> Today was again a struggle to get out of bed. I didn't make it to the spin class, but I did make it to the gym. I started the couch to 5k program today and I'm pretty excited. I'm planning on participating in this year's race for the cure and I think this will help to get me ready. I'm so tired though. I guess my body is still adjusting to getting up so early. I even went to the gym last night. I find it relaxing a... Tue, 23 Mar 2010 15:11:27 EST Early Morning Workouts <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Today was the first day of my morning workouts. I had planned on starting a routine of morning cycling classes and intended for this to be my first day. When my alarm went off this morning, I woke without much struggle, but couldn't force my self out of the bed. Finally, I dressed and headed out of the door. I was in my car by 5:30 and the class started at 5:45. I knew it would take me at least 20 minutes to g... Mon, 22 Mar 2010 17:27:02 EST The Body Knows Best After being so happy about going to a Zumba class Wednesday night, last night was a night of emotional evening. Pouting about being chronically underemployed and thinking about my oncologist appointment on Friday, I decided to "reward" myself with Mexican food. Not that that was such a great low fat choice, but that's what I wanted. I couldn't find any parking near the restaurant I wanted to go to so I settled for some fried chicken. I ate it an enjoyed it, but knew it was too greasy and ... Fri, 19 Mar 2010 16:57:45 EST How To Handle Friend Who Makes Fat Jokes <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have a very good friend who always makes fun of fat people, well fat women to be specific. He seems to give fat men a pass. The conversation usually starts with the question about why don't women (black women, in particular) work out more and why do we think it's ok to eat everything and to let our bodies become so out of shape. He always says his concern stems from his love of women, but I always feel that som... Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:24:04 EST No more night eating <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've been gradually getting back into my fitness routine. I'm eating better and making time each day to do some type of exercise. I'm feeling motivated and encouraged, but there's one thing I haven't been able to get a handle on. I work out in the evenings and get home around 10:30 or 11pm. I usually cook my dinner/lunch for the next day when I get home. While I am cooking I can't help but snack and I sample w... Wed, 3 Mar 2010 11:39:02 EST Keeping it all in perspective Today was another appointment with the radiation oncologist. It was raining outside which didn't make the day seem any better and I was running late. When I got to the hospital, for some reason I couldn't remember how to get to the office and every desk I stopped at seemed to send me to another building. After walking around aimlessly I was almost 15 minutes away from my appointment time. When I arrived at "Radiology" another person asked me where I was supposed to be. I told him my docto... Mon, 6 Apr 2009 14:22:14 EST Late Night Overeating <img src=""> <BR> For some reason, I didn't really feel like eating a whole meal yesterday. Maybe I was still jazzed about exercising two days in a row. I ate breakfast, but snacked through lunch. I ate a bag of popcorn for dinner and took a little nap before going out for the evening. <BR> <BR> I didn't head home until around 12:30a and had a craving for McDonald's. Normally, I wouldn't want anything from McDonald's, but last night I ... Fri, 3 Apr 2009 10:47:55 EST Shaking my bom bom <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So last night I decided to take in an Azuka Bom class. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself and felt that I had healed enough from my surgery to start getting back to working out. <BR> <BR> I made sure I had my clothes AND shoes in my bag (I always tend to leave something at home that I need) and gave myself ample driving time to get there. <BR> <BR> The building was in the back of a strip mall, so I was a bit ... Thu, 2 Apr 2009 11:23:37 EST It's Out of My Hands Thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. I really need it and appreciate the willingness to comfort. My fitness pursuits are kind of out of the door. I don't really have an excuse besides just not feeling like it. I'm pretty sure I can still run or jog or do any exercise but my mind hasn't been in it. I'm also eating a lot to calm my nerves. I can't wait until this is over. <BR> <BR> Below is today's installment at It's rather timely and I thought I'd... Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:48:33 EST Cancer I have cancer. All day long I've been putting up a strong front, but I'm scared. Yes, it was caught early and yes the lesion was a tiny one, but I never would've thought that I'd have cancer at such a young age. I'm already ready to be over this. Cut it out and kill it. Fri, 23 Jan 2009 18:12:34 EST Insomnia Works (I just wrote an entire blog entry that I somehow deleted so here's the quick and dirty) <BR> <BR> I got in an AM workout!!! I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go to the gym. I've also fallen in love with the Jacobs Ladder climbing machine. Tue, 9 Sep 2008 12:46:34 EST Feeling like a blob Maybe it's because I'm nearing my TOM, but today I'm not feeling very good. I went to the doctor last week and found out that with my clothes on I'm about three pounds fatter than I am in the nude. My weight loss has stalled and I've picked up some weight. Maybe because I never put my goals down. I'm ready for that now. This has really been a process, but I'm not going to beat myself up. Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:11:22 EST Back on the horse I've been M.I.A. for a little over a month n ow, but I'm back on the horse. I went to the Arboretum yesterday and walked around for about an hour and a half and followed that up by going to the grocery store. Today, I packed my lunch and will go to the gym later. Somethings got to give and I'm doing my best to make this a routine. Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:25:45 EST What In the Hell is Going On? I just logged my food intake for today and I have significantly gone over my caloric intake range Monday, Tuesday and TODAY! <BR> <BR> I know that I am anxious about some career goals I've set for myself that are actually becoming reality. I'm scared, but of what? Scared of success maybe. But I know that if I continue to eat like this I will continue to be unhappy with my body and the state of my health even if I do have a career triumph. <BR> <BR> I'm taking the kid gloves off and gettin... Wed, 9 Jul 2008 21:24:27 EST Bored Today I am utterly bored. I don't want to think about diet or exercise either. For some reason, I took a lot of clothes out of my closet this morning realizing that a lot of the clothes I don't even wear. I'm bored with my style too. Hopefully this will pass. Bleh! Tue, 8 Jul 2008 13:11:27 EST Weekend recovery This fourth of July was a blast. I went to a cookout on the fourth and went to the rooftop of my job to see the fireworks later in the day. I woke up early Saturday, to jog, got caught in the ran, but still jogged about 45 minutes. I then went to the gym and swam for about half an hour and then sat in the sauna. On Sunday, I went to a patio happy hour event where I ate and drank too much. <BR> <BR> I plan to wake up early to exercise and to get at least 30 minutes of exercise in every da... Mon, 7 Jul 2008 12:32:26 EST Bally's? I've been a member of Bally's for years and have gone through periods of working out hard core and avoiding the gym like the plague. I've thought about ending my membership for a while now, but I don't know if this is just another example of how I get in my own way. I'm not going to cancel my membership, but will just make more of an effort to actually make it to the gym. I'll plan to attend a class or go to the pool. Something that's fun and that will keep me coming back. Thu, 3 Jul 2008 11:50:42 EST This is Me Yesterday I had dinner with a friend of mine at a restaurant new to the area. The evening was a training exercise for the servers and hosts because the restaurant is to open later this week. There was a lot of commotion going on but all in all, the dining experience was pleasurable. As we waited to be seated, my friend pointed out two larger women and joked about how they would devour the meal. I've known this friend for as many years as I've lived in this area and know that he can be a ... Wed, 2 Jul 2008 11:35:10 EST Jumping Rope Ain't What It Used To Be I wanted to get in a little movement before I went to bed because it's been difficult to fit in with my work schedule, so I decided to jump rope for a while. OMG!!! I don't think I could jump for a whole minute. I jumped on & off for about 10 minutes and called it quits. I forgot how much of a work out jumping rope is. I'm going to add more time each time I jump. Tue, 1 Jul 2008 10:52:57 EST Weekend Cheat Days This weekend was great!!! I had a lot to do socially and just had a general feeling of well being. But, I ate, A LOT. I went to a baby shower and sampled all of the goodies there. I had to leave before the cake was cut, but I ate ice cream Saturday and Sunday. <BR> <BR> I try not to by ice cream because I will sit and eat it all day, but I wanted it so bad and it was on sale, so I bought some. I wish I could figure out why I pig out so on ice cream when I buy it. Maybe if I allow myself... Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:37:39 EST Extra Cheesy Right now I feel like I'm stuffed with cheese. Yesterday, I threw caution to the wind and ate like I was just coming off of a hunger strike. I think I was still thinking about that Popeye's chicken from Wednesday and that had weakened my defenses. <BR> <BR> It was just my luck that yesterday was the day of my department's monthly happy hour. Our gets together in one of the conference rooms to eat, drink and play games like pictionary. It's usually a fun time, but I had no plans to atte... Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:05:39 EST The Devil Created Popeye's After an entire day of being super conscious of what I ate, I was attacked on my way home. Attacked by the smell of that Southern fried intoxicant known as Popeye's Fried Chicken. <BR> <BR> I stayed late at work and was taking a cab home and was resigned to the fact that I would be able to close my eyes for a few minutes while I was chauffeured home. <BR> <BR> That didn't happen. As soon as I opened the door to the cab, I smelled something familiar. After the cab driver confirmed my ad... Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:32:12 EST