ESHARA43's SparkPeople Blog ESHARA43's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Going To Be Quitting Smoking Soon Hello everyone <BR> <BR> Well I took the first step to the rest of my life. Yes I mean it. I took the first step to quit smoking and I will be quitting on September 14 at 9:30 am my time. <BR> <BR> Everyone has told me that quitting smoking is the wrong thing for me to do but to me its the right thing for me to do at this point in my life, I have smoked for over 30 years now (started when I was 17) and I want to be able to quit without any problems so I called addiction services and they a... Tue, 6 Sep 2016 02:11:59 EST Starting to Get back on track Hi everyone, <BR> I am getting back on track this week by going for long walks so my legs wont be so sore during the night as I sleep. I went out on yesterday and I managed to get in 2.5 miles which was great because I haven't really tried to do that before. Walking and getting 1 to 1.5 miles a day was good to start but now I am up to 2.5 miles a day and today I went out again but this time I got my hubby to walk with me and even with his health he did it too. 2.5 miles was easy for us today... Tue, 10 Nov 2015 19:09:48 EST Motivation and Determination I have been sitting here thinking of what I want to do before my 48th birthday and I have decided that I want a healthier life style before then. I plan to set small goals at first to see how it goes and the take it up to the next level. I have to be better at it this time, <BR> <BR> I want to have more motivation in my life and have more determination to succeed this time. I have lost so much in the past 16 month that it bothers me alot. My motivation and determination is the only thing t... Mon, 21 Sep 2015 01:06:28 EST DOING IT FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS THIS TIME I am back for good this time, I have been going through some things for the past year and haven;t had time to come in as much as I want but I am back now and nothing will stop me now. <BR> <BR> I have been so depressed in the past but now I am feeling way better because I have decided not to let people get me down. When people tell me that I cant reach my goals in life , I just tell then to lay off of me because my goals are worth reaching more now than ever. I am going to do it all over ag... Wed, 20 May 2015 20:55:28 EST Going for it all Today will be the day that I stop feeling sorry for myself and starting seeing my life in a whole perspective. I started the day off by waking up early and having breakfast, which is one meal I never eat lol. Put I am going to start because I want to lose this weight and keep it off. <BR> <BR> I plan to do everything on my schedule today because I have to prove to myself that I can do it and succeed at it. I feel so energetic today that it makes me happy. Fri, 6 Mar 2015 08:33:56 EST The greatest 5 reasons of all the greatest 5 reasons for me to workout are as follows <BR> 1. I want to be able to feel better about myself and to reach my goal of losing weight. <BR> 2. I want to show my family that I can lose weight and keep it off. <BR> 3. I want to be able to go walking without pain in my legs and back. <BR> 4. I want to be able to control my eating habits without it controlling me. <BR> 5. I want to see a whole new me when i lookin the mirror each day. Sun, 1 Mar 2015 15:30:04 EST One heck of a Major Set Back I hate to say this but here it goes, <BR> <BR> I had one heck of a major set back this past 9 months and it has thrown me off track big time. I lost control of the big picture and now I am fighting a losing battle with myself. I thought I had everything under control, I was losing weight and keeping it off but everything went haywire on me. <BR> <BR> I failed at keeping my goals on track just like I failed in everything I do. I have to learn to have faith. I have to learn to write my goals ... Sun, 1 Feb 2015 01:42:55 EST DOING IT FOR MY DAD I am writing this blog because it is the only was i can express my feeling towards my goal. You see I lost my dad yesterday to cancer and Pneumonia. He was hoping that he could see me when I loss this weight and get to my goal weight but he didnt get the chance. <BR> <BR> So now my journey to reach my goal is much more important to me now than ever, I have decided to go all the way with this journey and Starting on Monday I am going to start getting out to walk even if it is cold outside and... Fri, 31 Oct 2014 21:25:58 EST Will Things Ever Change For Me The week has been so busy for me and I swear I lost weight because I have been busy keeping my house clean and now I have to trash it because my landlord is getting painters in on monday to paint and then they will be putting in new windows and remodeling my bathroom so there will not be any mold in the house. <BR> <BR> Then I will have to work harder to get it all cleaned up again so my son can come home for home visits. But I wish to god that he was coming home for good. I also cleaned my ... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 00:23:52 EST Feeling is so lonely Well my heart was ripped out of my chest today because social services and child protection came to my house while I was away shopping for groceries and paying bills and took my son away from me and placed him a foster home. I feel so alone without him. I know he was having problems and was depressed and suffered from anxiety but that was no excuse to take him away. I never even had the chance to say goodbye to him. <BR> <BR> I know it is for his own good but it hurts so much, he didnt want ... Thu, 8 May 2014 19:03:52 EST Feeling So truly Inspired Today I feel so inspired by a true friend. She helped me see that my goal is my own and to do it for me and not for everyone else. I feel that I can do anything as long as I set my mind to it. I can feel that my heart soul body and spirit is starting to work as one now because I want to reach my goal no matter how long it takes and how hard it will be for me. Every thing I have tried so far has failed and I know now that failure is part of success and for me success is what i want from this j... Tue, 11 Mar 2014 16:42:20 EST I AM A BIG FAT FAILURE AGAIN <em>46</em> Well here I am again failing at the one thing that I wanted more than anything in this world. I have been so depressed lately and I know that when I am depressed I eat everything in sight. Everything from chips to popcorn. I havent got the will power to take and do this again because I know I will fail again. I hate the way I feel and the way I look. I even covered up my mirror in my room and I stopped stepping on the scale because I know what it will read when I step on it. <BR... Tue, 11 Mar 2014 02:00:22 EST My Big Mistake Have you ever had a feeling that you think you have a goal plan figured out in your mind and then life throws you a curve ball and it all fails miserably well that is the way I have been feeling lately. <BR> <BR> I had this planned out from day one then it all goes down hill for me. I had a plan that I was going to lose weight and at first it was working then the stress took hold again because I slipped which was a big mistake. I started to feel like this was going to go wrong and I was righ... Sat, 18 Jan 2014 01:44:14 EST Going To Makes Some Much Needed CHANGES I have been going around my house as if I had my head cut off because I am so bored and I didnt know what to do with my time until I had a talk to a dear friend of mine. She told me to listen to the inner me and see what was good for me. SO now I am looking towards my future and what I want to accomplish with it. So here it goes <BR> <BR> Starting now October 7/ 2013 I plan to wake up at 6:30 am and get my son up and get him breakfast then get him ready for school. After he leaves I plan to ... Mon, 7 Oct 2013 01:08:03 EST Taking This Goal one Day at a Time Hello everyone. I am posting a new blog to let you all know that i am taking this weight lose goal one day at a time because I have failed again. I was sitting at 210 for over 4 months and then I ended up getting into a rut and couldnt get out of it. I ate through the rut of depression and now I am back to where I started. I dont like what I see when I look into the mirror anymore and I feel like giving up but I know that a certain person will kick me in the butt if I do. <BR> <BR> I did ge... Tue, 3 Sep 2013 20:44:26 EST Get Back What I Lost I have been so lost lately, I have lost my self-esteem and self confidence as well as my motivation. I know that when times get tough then I should get back on that horse and ride as hard as I can. But lately all I want to do is waddle in self pitty. I dont know what got over me in ways of not doing what I set out to do. <BR> <BR> I have a schedule set for the weekend and all next week so that I can get back on track with everything. I know I have to do this for me and no body else. If I thi... Sat, 20 Jul 2013 01:21:16 EST Doiong Great Hi <BR> <BR> I know i havent been in for some time but let me tell you what has been going on with me lately. <BR> <BR> For starters I have been sick for about 2 weeks and now I am finally over the flu. I have been also very busy with cleaning but without fail I have a family that doesnt like to help me out. <BR> <BR> I was told by my doctor that I have to get a treadmill to walk on because my legs cant handle the walking on the road due to the fact that there is alot of potholes in the ... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 23:27:06 EST FEELING GREAT I have been so depressed for the past few weeks but now things are looking up for me. I have decided it was time for me to start looking at my goals more closely and I am thinking that there is one more goal that I have to set forth and that is finishing my second book. I am writing a new book titled Growing Up and so far I have 8 chapters finished and now I have to sit down and write the other 4 chapters. But to me this book will be an ongoing one because I hope to write more about my life a... Sat, 20 Apr 2013 17:43:16 EST April 5 2013 I have been so depressed lately because I haven't been able to come into SparkPeople for awhile until now. I just g opt my internet back and I just hope that I don't loose it again because that would just send me over the edge of despare. <BR> <BR> I went to the nutritionist yesterday and I gained 11 lbs back which is because I have been so depressed. I can't seem to break away from it. I have to start thinking about me and what I want. <BR> <BR> So starting tomorrow if the weather is good... Fri, 5 Apr 2013 13:18:07 EST February 25,2013 I have decided that it was time to do a new blog. <BR> <BR> I was sitting in my house this morning and thinking about my friends and what they mean to me. When I say my friends I mean all my Spark Friends. I am so happy because I know that Spark People was the best step I took when I joined over a year ago, I have found so many friends here that it is hard for me to tell you all that I love each and everyone of you. <BR> <BR> I went for my very first walk today since my knee replacement las... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:38:44 EST STARTING ON FRIDAY I have been sitting around the house all week and not doing anything but that is going to change starting tomorrow. I am going to get up at 6 am my time and wait until 6:30 am to get my young son up for school and get him and I breakfast. At 7 am I will get him down to the bus stop and wait with him until the bus comes. After he gets on the bus and leaves for school I will go for a walk around the block if my legs can handle it. <BR> <BR> When I get back I am going to start cleaning house th... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 20:32:19 EST FEEL LIKE GIVING UP Hi Spark Friends Eshara43 here posting a new blog <BR> <BR> I have been sitting around me house feeling sorry for myself because I see all of you getting out walking and exercising and eating right and I feel useless because I can't do that myself. I know I should be getting out to walk but I get pains in my legs that shoot up my leg to my hips right now. There is nothing I can do about it until my leg heals and that can take up to a full year yet. <BR> <BR> I can't even workout in my basem... Wed, 23 Jan 2013 02:04:21 EST Hoping to Lose more weight soon I decided to post another blog because I have sat back and thought about my life and realized for the first time that I can do this weight loss journey with my head held high. I have always been told that I am fat and ugly and unable to lose the weight but to the people who told me this I say go and look in the mirror and see that you have no room to talk. This is 2 pictures of me that I did and I think there is a change in them. <BR> <BR> <img src=" Thu, 17 Jan 2013 13:04:00 EST January 17, 2013 Have you ever sat back and reflected on your life and what you want to happen this year alone, I have and I can say that I am so hoping that my plans for a healthier life style works out for me because I really need things to come together for me now more then ever. <BR> <BR> I started last week off on the wrong foot and this week as well. I am trying to quit smoking and my boyfriend doesn't take the hint to smoke in the basement. He tells me that I should just go in the other room where I b... Wed, 16 Jan 2013 23:44:15 EST NOT LETTING MY DEPRESSION BEAT ME DOWN Eshara43 here. <BR> <BR> I have decided not to let my depression beat me down because that is not me. I have been depressed for the past few months since my knee replacement. But I know that I should fight it. I did not know how until I was in contact with a great friend who has been there for me over the years. She told me that pain is starting to rule me and my life and if I want to fight it then to get up and do something about it and she is right. <BR> <BR> I have let the pain I am fee... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 22:10:09 EST Going To Have My Leg Manipulated Hi everyone, I found out yesterday that I will next Tuesday morning to have my leg manipulated through day surgery. I wasn't expecting to get in right away but my surgeon doesn't want to wait until January to do it because he will be doing my left leg about 6 months to a year after that. I can't wait until I get it done so I can start to walk without a limp again. I am so excited to have it done but there is a 5o% chance that my leg with break but I dont care because I just want the pain to s... Thu, 13 Dec 2012 21:34:05 EST Recovery Not Going Good Well, its me again. <BR> <BR> My recovery has hit a down hill because I cant straighten my leg yet and it bothers me more now because there is alot of scar tissue arond the new joint in my leg. The Doctor told me that if I dont get it straight before the 12 of this month then he will have to straighten it himself. I will be put back under for the proceedure which is great for me. I just hope he does it after Christmas because I am doing Christmas dinner this year. I hate walking with a limp... Tue, 4 Dec 2012 20:27:46 EST Recovery Not Going Good Well, its me again. <BR> <BR> My recovery has hit a down hill because I cant straighten my leg yet and it bothers me more now because there is alot of scar tissue arond the new joint in my leg. The Doctor told me that if I dont get it straight before the 12 of this month then he will have to straighten it himself. I will be put back under for the proceedure which is great for me. I just hope he does it after Christmas because I am doing Christmas dinner this year. I hate walking with a limp... Tue, 4 Dec 2012 20:27:29 EST Staying Strong Through The Pain Hi everyone, Eshara43 here making another blog to keep you posted on my recovery., This past week as been hell for me because I have stepped up my recovery more. I have been slacking off for the past 2 weeks because I enjoyed having my family wait on me but now its time to get my butt back into my physiotherapy exercises so I can regain the full use of my leg. <BR> <BR> I start my day off by getting up at 6 am my time and doing some strengthening of my muscles in my leg mind ya it hurts like... Sun, 21 Oct 2012 21:18:56 EST My New Video Blog This blog isn't the best but Its late here in Nova Scotia and I am a little tired so please bare with me. My other video blogs will be better I promise <em>39</em> Sun, 16 Sep 2012 03:25:37 EST A Life without fear of Failure I have been doing some thinking lately and I wish that I had a place where I can go to be alone without my family bothering me all the time, A place where I can think and be free to be myself. I don't want to fear anything ever again and I don't want to be called a failure because I have failed at everything I have ever tried to do before and I know how it feels to be alone and unwanted by the ones you love. <BR> <BR> I was talking to Lila the other day and I felt at ease when I was talking ... Mon, 27 Aug 2012 21:52:53 EST The True Value of Friendship I went through life not knowing what was around the corner until I got there but I do now. <BR> <BR> Ever since I joined SparkPeople I have found that there are people out there just like me. I am on a journey to fine the real me again and since I have found this place to be helpful and friendly. I can't ask for better friends then I have here. You can never tell a book by its cover and believe me I have tried. <BR> <BR> The true value of friendship is not knowing who will stab you in the... Mon, 20 Aug 2012 23:11:59 EST The Real Me is Back I have been going through hell for the past 6 months and it played havoc with my emotions. I have for 2 people I really cared about in January and February and now my aunt last month. So my emotions are wearing very thin. I have to get over them one way or another but hold them in my heart for ever. People say that when you lose someone close to you that you go insane well that was me when I lost my best friend in February of this year. She was there when I needed someone to talk to so now I ... Fri, 3 Aug 2012 18:43:29 EST FINDING MYSELF AGAIN Hello Spark People: <BR> <BR> This is Eshara43 aka Susan reporting in with a new blog <BR> <BR> I wanted to let you all know how I am doing these days because to me if I keep myself busy and not think about eating all the time I know I can lose the weight I have to lose because I want to see myself lose at least 75 lbs before October. I have decided to start a new schedule starting on July 2. <BR> <BR> I want to start eating 3 meals a day, exercising 5 times a week and doing Zumba 7 days ... Thu, 28 Jun 2012 02:05:49 EST MONTH AFTER MONTH DOING IT MY WAY I hate not being able to go for a walk each day of the month but there is hope for me in July. I don't care what the doctor says. I am going for that much need walk. I have called my surgeon and he has told me that walking will do my legs good. I will start walking again next month and hopefully my son will go with me this time. I go my knee replacement in October and I know that I have to get off atleast 60 lbs before then. I know I can do this. I know that I have the support of all my frie... Wed, 27 Jun 2012 16:51:47 EST DOING SOMETHING THAT I LOVE TO DO I have always wanted to tell people that I make afghans's for people but I never had one to show until now. I love to make then because it shows my creative side of me and I know that with a lot of motivation and inspiration I can finish the one I am working on before July. My heart is in my crafts and I want to share the 2 I have finished with you all. Please let me know what you all think of these two please. The first one was made a year ago and here it is <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.... Sat, 16 Jun 2012 20:40:18 EST NOT KNOWING WHAT'S AROUND THE CORNER I have been going through my life and not knowing what is around the corner until I get there and it bothers me. I hate when people say do this or don't that and it is a pain in the but. My doctor tells me to stop walking because he thinks it bothers my legs. I love to walk because I can think about myself and what I want to do each day. It helps clear my head so that I can be feel. I know that swimming is good for you but when the water is cold you can't go swimming in it. <BR> <BR> I have... Sat, 26 May 2012 23:20:31 EST WALKING 6 DAYS IN A ROW. I am very proud to say that I managed to get 6 straight days in so far and have done it with a smile on my face. I have gotten in a total of 33,616 steps in with one more day to go..My total miles is 23.64 and that is great for me. then Starting on Monday May 7 I will be starting my new route and I know I can get more steps then. I want to be able to say that I am starting to see the weight come off and I am happy that I am feeling great now.. <BR> <BR> My goal has been walking everyday, exe... Sat, 5 May 2012 20:46:22 EST FRIDAY MAY 4,2012 Here is the route I have been walking for the past 4 days and will finish today so let me know what you all think. the miles I have on the map is not the miles it is when I walk it.. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I was sitting and working on a baby afghan for a friend of mine and I realized that I haven't post how many total steps I have taken for a blog yet so I decided it was time to do so. So here it goes everyone.. <BR> <BR> The... Fri, 4 May 2012 11:02:25 EST Wednesday May 2,2012 I managed to get another great walk in today and I am happy to say that I totaled the past 3 days up and got over 21000 steps in. I hope to go for another walk after I get my son off on the bus in the morning. I have to do it because I have to go to Dartmouth in the afternoon with my hubby to pick up his brother. So I won't have time to go in the afternoon for my walk. I want to be able to get in another 6719 steps in to make it 4 days in a row. I know this is Thursday morning an I am posting... Thu, 3 May 2012 00:45:09 EST WALKING OFF THE WEIGHT I STARTED MY FIRST WALKING ROUTE THIS MORNING AT 10:00AM MY TIME AND IT WAS GREAT. MY LEGS BOTHERED ME AT FIRST BUT WHOSE DOESN'T. I MADE IT AROUND THIS MORNING BY TAKING 6745 STEPS AND THEN DECIDED TO DO IT AGAIN THIS EVENING AND TOOK 5819 STEPS BUT THE FUNNY THING IS ITS THE SAME ROUTE THAT I TOOK BUT CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY THE STEPS ARE DIFFERENT. I AM GOING TO DO THE SAME ROUTE EACH DAY AND THEN SEE IF THE STEPS ARE DIFFERENT AGAIN. AT THE END OF THE WEEK I AM GOING TO WEIGH MYSELF AND SEE... Tue, 1 May 2012 18:20:21 EST STARTED TODAY APRIL 30/12 I STARTED MY FIRST WALKING ROUTE TODAY AND MANAGED TO GET IN 2816 STEPS WHICH IS ABOUT 1.28 MILES. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN 2.14 MILES BUT I HAD STARTED OUT SLOWLY BECAUSE OF MY LEGS STARTED BOTHERING ME. I WILL BE DOING THIS FIRST ROUTE FOR A WEEK AND THEN SWITCHING TO THE SECOND ONE AND DOING IT FOR A WEEK AND THEN DOING THE 3RD. ROUTE FOR A WEEK AND FINALLY FINISHING THE MONTH OFF WITH THE LAST ROUTE. <BR> I KNOW THAT I CAN DO EACH ROUTE AND THAT IT WILL BOTHER MY LEGS BUT I HAVE TO GRIN AND B... Mon, 30 Apr 2012 14:46:46 EST TRYING SOMETHING NEW PART 2 I am trying something new and it is that I am going to track my calories on my Samsung Galaxy Tab and as well as a weight loss tracker. That way when I walk I can track my weight loss on my tab and how many calories I eat each day.. I hope to start to see this dam weight come off soon and if I stay on track then I can do it all the time. I want to be able to say that I have succeeded in my goal of weight loss. I know that you can agree with me that my healthy and happiness is more important t... Fri, 27 Apr 2012 16:35:50 EST TRYING SOMETHING NEW Hi popping in to do a new blog because I just wanted to let everyone know how I am doing these days. Its been very busy for me because I have alot of stuff to do. <BR> I go for my knee replacement in October of this year which is not what I wanted but it can't be helped I guess. <BR> <BR> I have started this week off slow but I am going to make it go faster for me because I have to be. I have seen my family doctor and had my weight checks. I have gained back a few pounds that I am not proud... Thu, 26 Apr 2012 07:43:02 EST One for the record books Hi, I am posting a new blog that will be for the record book in my opinion. <BR> <BR> Well I got up this morning and got my son off to school which I do every morning. This morning I decided to go for a short walk to see if I can think of any new poems and when I looked over to the field I seen a eagle swoop down and take a small rabbit off the ground. I stood there for a few more minutes and then came home. As I walked up my drive way my legs gave out on me and instead of me falling backwar... Wed, 28 Mar 2012 22:10:31 EST MARCH WILL BE A GREAT MONTH March is my month to shine above the rest. This month I plan and will succeed at everything I set out to do. I plan to start eating right again and exercising more often then I have in the past few months. My goals have changed a little and I have added a new one to my journey and that is not to let anyone get me down or to bother me. I am a god mother of a healthy baby boy. I want to be able to say that I can live up to what I want out of my life and that I can reach for that unreachable sta... Mon, 5 Mar 2012 01:04:25 EST FEBRUARY 1,2012 I have decided to take everything in stride this month because you never know what will happen. I went from going for long walks up and down the road to doing nothing but crocheting afghans for my friends. I need to start thinking towards my future and what I want out of it. <BR> <BR> My mom will celebrating her 66th birthday in 5 days and I was hoping to have a special dinner for her but that will out because she wants dad to take her out. I also hope to have my youngest son feeling better ... Wed, 1 Feb 2012 14:07:01 EST A New Beginning for me I am finally a poet and an author of a book and I am happy to say that it is ready to be ordered on createspace estore and on so please feel free to order a copy and help a new author out please. <BR> <BR> Thu, 29 Dec 2011 18:44:46 EST THE START OF A NEW DAY I HAVE DONE A LOT OF SOUL SEARCHING LATELY AND FINALLY DECIDED THAT IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO LOSS MY TEMPER ON MY FAMILY. I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL ALONE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO TO BETTER MYSELF IS NOT HELPING ANYMORE BECAUSE MY FAMILY THINKS JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO LOSS WEIGHT SO I CAN BE HEALTHIER THEY THINK THAT NO MATTER WHAT THEY PLAN TO DESTROY AND SELF CONFIDENCE I HAVE BUILD UP. <BR> MY SELF ESTEEM IS VERY LOW RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE NOT BEEN TO THE GYM IN 2 WEEKS NOW AND I ... Mon, 5 Dec 2011 21:50:28 EST Finally A successful Poet I have finally received my Poetry book and have reviewed it. There was some changes that had to be done and now the book is finally finished and being reviewed once again by and when they have finished they will let me know. <BR> <BR> I hope that I can finally see it the way it was meant to be soon but I know I will have to order another copy of the proof to review once again but I dont mind because it is a passion I have to read my own work and I hope that you will enjoy rea... Sun, 4 Dec 2011 01:35:26 EST