ERICAANN44's SparkPeople Blog ERICAANN44's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community April goals and graduate school! I can't believe it's April 1st!!! <BR> <BR> I received my official admission decision from Post University...I'm in!!! I start April 27. I'm nervous and excited! <BR> <BR> To review my March goals: I THINK I lost more than 5 lbs by the end of March. The reason I'm not positive is because a couple weeks ago, I realized that the scale I'd been using was NOT accurate. I ended up having to buy a new scale. I think I actually weighed more than my old scale was showing me. So I'm going to s... Wed, 1 Apr 2015 09:41:55 EST Team Beach Body, parties and willpower! Hi Sparkies! <BR> <BR> Let me preface this by saying that I'm not trying to promote any products here or be a salesperson. I'm just super excited about everything I've been doing lately as far as diet and exercise <BR> <BR> If you've read any of my previous blogs through the last few years, you know that I'm a huge Beach Body/Shakeology fan. I've recently been doing the 21 Day Fix and I LOVE the workouts. They are short but intense. I'm going to be starting the 21 Day Fix Extreme as soo... Sun, 29 Mar 2015 12:41:47 EST Game plan for tonight... ...but will I have the willpower to stick to it? <BR> <BR> We're going over to our friends' house for our "Framily" dinner. We pretty much spend most weekends with them and try to cook at home as much as possible. A few weeks ago we made the most unhealthy and delicious dinner...Alfredo stuffed shells. It's shells stuffed with chicken (mine didn't have any chicken of course), Alfredo sauce, Parmesan cheese, broccoli and shredded cheddar with a generous portion of Alfredo sauce coating the... Sat, 21 Mar 2015 07:16:15 EST My butt. Yep. I'll be starting this blog by talking about my butt. Specifically, about how I had a freak-out this morning worrying about whether or not said butt will fit into an airplane seat next month. After talking to my trainer, and yes, measuring my butt, I am almost positive I will :) Luckily I'm still squishy enough to stuff myself into the seat if necessary. And of course I'm going to bust my hump the next 3 1/2 weeks to increase my chances by doing some crazy workouts. <BR> <BR> All jo... Fri, 20 Mar 2015 11:04:16 EST Ch-ch-changes! Anyone who knows me knows I don't do well with change...and boy have had gone through a lot lately! <BR> <BR> My last day at my new job is March 27. I had offered to stay on as long as they needed me, but they opted to hire someone ASAP. I totally would be confusing to the residents to have them get used to me and then have yet another new person step in. <BR> <BR> School won't be starting until the end of April, if I'm lucky. I've had some issues with getting the tra... Wed, 18 Mar 2015 09:50:11 EST I'm doing it! After some soul-searching, discussions with my parents and fiance, and a large dose of courage, I've decided to pursue my degree full time! <BR> <BR> I told my boss and my friend who recommended me for the job. Both were surprisingly ok with it. My friend said that if she had the opportunity to do what I'm doing, she would have done it (she's finishing her MSW after 3 years of part time study). My boss said she'd like me to stay on for a few months so I can have a better grasp of the posi... Mon, 16 Mar 2015 09:23:10 EST Advice, please! Well, I'm a week into my new job and I hate it. It's incredibly slow paced and I'm very isolated. Hours go by without me speaking to another human being and it's making me miserable. <BR> <BR> I may be in a position to quit this job and go to school full time for my Master's and that option is sounding more and appealing. Here's my dilemma: A friend helped me get this job. I definitely won them over at the interview, but she vouched for me. I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I rea... Fri, 13 Mar 2015 15:00:11 EST Day 3 on track Well, it's Day 3 back on track and it's going surprisingly well. My goal to lose 5 lbs by the end of the month should be attainable. Granted, it'll be the same 5 lbs that I've been losing and gaining for 2 months, but it'll be the last time I lose this 5 lbs! <BR> <BR> Wow! I'm munching on a serving of balsamic vinegar and basil Triscuits...deeee-licious! <BR> <BR> I'm actually at my new job right now. My friend, who is also the one training me, isn't here today, so I'm alone. She ha... Wed, 11 Mar 2015 11:22:33 EST March goals I'm going to steal page out of my dear friend, Jaded Chick's, book and do a blog at the beginning of each month with my monthly goals. Thanks, Zana :) <BR> <BR> Before I get to my goals, I just want to fill everyone in on what's been going on with me. I have been yo-yo-ing with the same 5 lbs, but that's about to stop. My wedding day will be here before I know it, and I really want to lose 120 lbs by then. I'm hoping that the good weather will help...I'm so sick of being cooped up inside... Fri, 6 Mar 2015 10:22:33 EST Clarification Just a quick note. I've been getting a lot of comments and advice, all very much appreciated, but I'd like clarify that I am NOT using unemployment benefits. I would NEVER quit my job and then go on unemployment, no matter how difficult the work environment. I just wanted to make that clear :) Mon, 23 Feb 2015 22:06:12 EST Unemployed: Day 1 So it's Day 1 and I'm torn between loving being home (it's snowing...AGAIN...), being bored and being anxious. I'm going to list some positives of being home and how I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity. I had a great job interview last week, so hopefully it won't last long, but in the meantime... <BR> <BR> 1. I'm going to exercise a ton...Biggest Loser-style <em>216</em> <em>362</em> <em>418</em> <BR> <BR> 2. I'm going to try some new recipes <img src="http://photos... Mon, 23 Feb 2015 11:16:13 EST Diving into the unknown It's been a very crazy month. Unfortunately, my weight loss has been at a stand-still because of the stress but I am back at it and determined to be at goal by December of this year. <BR> <BR> I put in my notice at my job and my last day is February 20th. Anyone who has read my blogs knows I've been physically ill working for such a horrible company. Working as a social worker with my original agency used to be great, but we were bought out by a huge corporation last year. They don't c... Sat, 14 Feb 2015 09:20:36 EST 261.8 Well, I obviously had a bit of a hiccup this week as far as eating right. It's been a horrendously stressful week, and I acknowledge that I slipped back into bad habits for a few days. Today is going to be a tough one for me, because it may be the day I put in my notice at work. I am dealing with a situation at work that borders on discrimination...but I won't get into that in too much detail at this point. <BR> <BR> All I can do is dust myself off and keep on movin'...and that's what I... Fri, 30 Jan 2015 06:21:26 EST The positives of having to lose weight AGAIN! I was looking through some pictures of me after the first time I lost a bunch of weight and surprisingly, instead of feeling angry or regretful about gaining it back, I felt empowered and excited for the renewed energy to do it all over again. <BR> <BR> The first time around, I would get frustrated with each little gain. I would be deflated after a week of hard work and no loss on the scale. I would feel like the journey would never end. This time around, I'm prepared for the ups and do... Sat, 17 Jan 2015 15:39:03 EST WI-259 Well, it looks like I lost a nice chunk this week! I know not all weeks will be like this, but it's definitely a great motivator. <BR> <BR> I'm sitting here waiting for my trainer to get here, and I'm feeling very optimistic. She's going to take my starting measurements today and then do them every 2 weeks after this. I'm still so angry at myself for gaining the weight back and letting my health take a back seat to the rest of my life. I have a wedding to get ready for and I try to kee... Sat, 10 Jan 2015 09:25:42 EST I don't want to snack, I don't want to snack... Oh crap, I DO want to snack!!! So I'm sitting at my desk in my office reminding myself that feeling skinny will feel so much better than chips will taste right now. I'm trying to stay strong, and so far I have succeeded! Having a gorgeous diamond on my finger is a constant reminder of why I am doing this. Now that I figured out how to blog from my iPhone, I'm sure I will be doing it frequently from work. Trying to figure out what to have for dinner because my trainer has me on a fairly rest... Mon, 5 Jan 2015 14:43:29 EST If I had a nickel... ...for every time I blogged about starting over, I'd be a wealthy woman! <BR> <BR> But there it is...I'm starting over AGAIN. I know it's better than not starting over at all. I have a whole new motivation this time around. The first time I lost weight was because I had my heart broken. This time it's because I'm in love and... <BR> <BR> I'M ENGAGED!!!! <em>244</em> <em>129</em> <BR> <BR> Yes, that's right! My fiance proposed on December 26th (my birthday) in front of friend... Sun, 4 Jan 2015 07:07:32 EST I actually threw out my leftovers!!! Yes, my friends, it's true. I threw out my leftover Alfredo! My bf and I went out to eat last night and I splurged on Alfredo w/ broccoli. It was delicious and I didn't feel guilty about eating that and too many pieces of bread. We went to a very expensive Italian restaurant and I decided to go for it. <BR> <BR> Anyway...I got up this morning, fixed my modem, did an 80 minute workout, made Oreo Balls for a friend's party tonight, cleaned the kitchen, ate a couple veggie burgers for lunch... Sat, 29 Nov 2014 14:18:50 EST Thanksgiving 2014 is off to a great start! Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving!!! <BR> <BR> I started off the day by ordering my friend, my boyfriend and myself all Fitbit Flexes. I used to have a Fitbit One, but lost it in a horrific laundry accident. My friend suggested the Flex because it's a wristband, and my bf and I jumped on board. <BR> <BR> Then I did a great cardio workout on the elliptical and treadmill. After that, I made a broccoli and cheese omelet. I've got my mind made up to eat fairly healthy at dinner tonigh... Thu, 27 Nov 2014 11:02:53 EST A+ for today! First, I'd like to thank those of you who read and responded to my blog last night. I desperately needed the words of encouragement. <BR> <BR> So I had my first truly on-plan day in a while today. I woke up and worked out, went into work with somewhat of a smile on my face ( steps!), then worked out again with my boyfriend after work. I ate healthy, aside from a couple squares of chocolate...but that's for my mental health. I have my alarm set for early tomorrow morning so I ... Mon, 24 Nov 2014 20:19:23 EST Changing my attitude... "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." -Maya Angelou <BR> <BR> I have realized that I am burned out with my current job. I love being a social worker, but I can't work for this company anymore. I was off on Friday and my boss emailed me to follow up with one of my residents regarding something petty on Monday. I was stunned to realize that my first thought was "I DO NOT CARE!" That is so not me! I have ALWAYS cared. I have ALWAYS wanted... Sun, 23 Nov 2014 20:17:12 EST Stress and Taco Bell kicked my a$$ today! Well, I think the title of this blog just about sums it up. I had a hugely stressful day at work today. After eating super healthy all day, my boyfriend and I caved and went to Taco Bell. I'm a social worker and am in the middle of a massive project at work. My part culminated in moving the second of my two 45 person units to a newly renovated unit. It's a lot of work and a lot of stress. <BR> <BR> What frustrates me is how easily I caved today. When I lost weight the first time arou... Tue, 18 Nov 2014 20:59:29 EST Starting over...for the last time! I am starting over for what feels like the millionth time! As I type this I'm also sending a text to my lovely friend Zana to tell her that I'd like to join her in her quest to lose 15# by Christmas. I think that's a good short-term goal. My 31st bday is the day after Christmas, and my boyfriend is planning something special. I want to look and feel amazing, and being 15# lighter will certainly help me achieve that. <BR> <BR> How am I going to do this? Well, it's time for me to go bac... Sat, 15 Nov 2014 22:50:01 EST Feeling extremely bummed! So, my boyfriend and I were switching out some dressers today. Obviously this involved taking out all of my clothes to transfer them to the new dresser. Well, I was shocked and appalled to find that I had a TON of clothes...most of which don't fit! I literally have 30 pairs of pants and I can't wear most of them. I grudgingly put them in the dresser in one of our spare "I hope to wear you someday soon" dresser. <BR> <BR> At first I was so disheartened. I mean, I had fit in... Sat, 25 Oct 2014 13:59:27 EST I'm back! I'm back...after putting on 50 lbs! Yikes!!! I'm back on track and working really hard though, so that's all that matters. <BR> <BR> My life is good, aside from the weight gain. I'm in love with a wonderful man, and couldn't be happier. <BR> <BR> More to come :) Mon, 1 Sep 2014 11:56:07 EST What?!?! We can CHOOSE how we feel??? I know, I know... this shouldn't be such a <em>189</em> moment, but it is! <BR> <BR> There ARE things that get me down at times, and I accept that. In fact, in some ways, I WELCOME that. After all, you can't have the highs without the lows, right??? <em>49</em> <em>55</em> Work is stressful and uncertain <em>38</em> , and my love life is rather pathetic <em>51</em> . I know there will be days when all I want to do is vent (and trust me, I will!) I know that there will b... Sun, 5 Jan 2014 18:23:01 EST What I deserve. I've been having a tough time lately. The guy I'd been seeing fell off the face of the earth last week...ironically, after I told him that I want to be in a serious relationship with him. He sent me a text telling me "Happy Birthday, Hun" on the 26th, and I responded by asking when I was going to see him. I then sent another text. He never responded. <BR> <BR> In my drunken stupor last night, I decided to suck it up and text him. He CLAIMS he never received any of my texts after he sai... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 16:37:06 EST Life begins at 30...right? So, I turned 30 yesterday. Yup. You heard me right. I said 30. I'm not having a breakdown about it or anything, but it definitely is a wake-up call that time continues to march on. <BR> <BR> I am 35 lbs lighter than I was last year at this time. Not as much as I was hoping, but I'll take it. Despite slip-ups and episodes of "I just don't give a $hit", my weight is trending down. <BR> <BR> I'm the type of person who needs things to look forward to. best friend's sister, who ... Fri, 27 Dec 2013 15:57:28 EST Waiting for the other shoe to drop... I'm officially asking for all of your advice, tips and tough love. <BR> <BR> Why am I so damn negative all the time when it comes to my love life? Here's the deal...I've been seeing a guy for a little over a month now. We're taking things slow, but see each other frequently and ALWAYS have an amazing time. He's very sweet. He's always telling me that I'm beautiful and that he loves spending time with me. He very casually mentioned that he canceled his account (which is how we ... Thu, 19 Dec 2013 18:04:10 EST Boo to the end of the weekend! I am feeling sooooo bummed out for some reason! I don't know why. It could be because I literally got out of bed once since Friday morning. I was sick with some sort of bug and it totally wiped me out. I know I needed the rest, but it certainly didn't do anything to help my mood (or my weight loss!) I didn't eat a lot since I was sick, so maybe that will work in my favor. The scale is safely tucked away in my closet, not to be used until Friday morning :) <BR> <BR> I was able to drag m... Sun, 8 Dec 2013 17:39:38 EST Giving myself a pat on the back :) I am trying so hard right now not to eat! I actually could probably have a little snack and be totally within my allotted calories, but the truth is I am NOT hungry. I'm just killing time before I can crawl into bed and watch tv...far, far away from the kitchen! <BR> <BR> So, I got my Fitbit One in the mail yesterday and used it for the first time today. Can I say that I LOVE that little guy?!?! It's actually really accurate (I figured it would be...I did my research on Consumer Reports)... Tue, 3 Dec 2013 19:05:51 EST A few December goals... So, I am back on track yet again! I've gained about 13 lbs from where I was a couple months ago, and instead of letting it spiral out of control, I'm wrangling it in and squashing it. 10 lbs is nothing compared to the 120 lbs I originally had to lose. <BR> <BR> I'm going to be 30 on December 26th. 30!!! I know I'm still young, but it's just a reminder that I'm getting a little older and that it will just become harder and harder to lose the weight. In that vein, I WILL be near goal by... Sun, 1 Dec 2013 15:27:07 EST The ugly truth. The ugly truth is that I've gained 12 lbs. I've not been exercising and I've been eating whatever I want. I did not do this mindlessly; it was a conscious choice. I'm not sure why I did this. I'm not depressed or extraordinarily stressed out. I'm dating around...and have actually met a couple of really amazing men. Work is ok. I'm stressed about $ but that's not all that unusual. <BR> <BR> So, I decided I needed to be a bit more proactive. I spent all weekend cooking different things... Tue, 29 Oct 2013 18:18:09 EST I'm not sure how much more I can handle. Warning: I will be whining throughout this entire blog <BR> <BR> <BR> I met a man on, I know I said I was going to give it up, but anyway...He was cute, smart, funny and seemed really, really interested in me. After our first date, we both decided to "hide" our profiles. We had (what I thought) was an amazing date Saturday night. I cooked a delicious meal from scratch and even made his favorite dessert and bought his favorite beer. Throughout the evening he kept promisi... Mon, 9 Sep 2013 20:01:08 EST F*ck me. I have been totally off the last couple weeks. I've been eating everything in sight, not exercising as much as I used to, and losing willpower daily. Despite an incredible workout this morning, I still pigged out this afternoon (I called into work today...mental health day). I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. <BR> <BR> I think I might need to go back to basics. I'd started working some of my "old" foods back into my diet, which I think was a mistake. I'm going to work on goi... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 18:53:39 EST 10 years ago today, I was raped. I promise this isn't a depressing blog. <BR> <BR> When I was 19 years old, I was working as a bartender while attending college. I usually worked the "Happy Hour" shift, 3p-8p. It was the day after I returned home after my grandpa's funeral in Washington D.C. and I was working my usual shift. The bar was oddly quiet, with some of the regulars popping in but not much else. A guy came in and sat at the bar throughout most of my shift. I had never seen him before. At one point I was behin... Mon, 1 Jul 2013 18:00:49 EST Random stuff... Not a whole hell of a lot to report, but here goes nothing... <BR> <BR> I get rooms comped at our local casino so my friend and I went up on Thursday and spent the night. We had a great time! I always feel better as a drive further away from home. I constantly toy with the idea of moving away, but I'm too much of a coward to actually do it. <BR> <BR> I decided to take the 5th off from work, despite having no plans. I have several weeks of vacation built up and I continuously accrue it... Sun, 30 Jun 2013 17:42:11 EST If I have to, I can face anything... Something amazing happened yesterday. I was steam-cleaning my kitchen when I heard "Living Dead Girl" blasting from my cell phone. I thought to myself, "Who the hell is calling my cell?" I have a home phone and NOBODY calls my cell. Anyway, I looked down and it said "Nobody". In case I haven't mentioned it before...immediately after breaking up with my ex last summer, I changed him to "Coward Douche-bag" in my phone. Then when I bought a new phone, I shortened it to "dickhead". Last mo... Sun, 23 Jun 2013 15:16:50 EST I've been a miner for a heart of gold... ...and maybe that's my problem. I need to stop MINING. It implies that I should have to actively spend my time digging for someone who is worthy of what I have to offer. No more. I refuse to believe that I won't ever meet my other half. I also refuse to believe that I have to work this hard to find him. I refuse to sacrifice the present in order to worry about the future. I'm going to keep working on myself because I am the only person I can control. <BR> <BR> I did something really... Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:05:13 EST Me...naked. Figuratively speaking. <BR> <BR> I feel myself falling into a funk. More than a funk, if I'm being totally honest with you (and myself.) <BR> <BR> I'm talking to a new guy...despite my swearing off men a few weeks ago. I'm excited to meet him and see where it goes, but it's bringing up so many insecurities. Not just about men, but about everyone and everything in my life. <BR> <BR> I'm terrified that I'm not good enough. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough...just no... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 20:55:55 EST Dusting myself off I have officially eaten like $hit this weekend and I'm really disappointed in myself. For some reason, I was a bottomless pit when it came to food. The old Erica would just fall off the wagon but the new Erica is not going to allow that to happen. A couple days of poor decisions does not undo the 68 lbs I've already lost! Still, I can't help but feel slightly disgusted with myself :( <BR> <BR> I'm off tomorrow so I can spend the day shopping with my mom and her friend who's visiting from... Sun, 2 Jun 2013 18:59:31 EST Why do I do this??? Ok, so I have a chronic problem and maybe some of you guys can help me figure it out. <BR> <BR> I always pig out after a GOOD weigh-in! Not anything too crazy, but as soon as I see the number on the scale down a few lbs, it seems like my appetite kicks into overdrive! What's up with that? I already gave in a little this morning and will be going out to dinner tonight, so it's not going to be pretty. Well, let me rephrase...I'll definitely be going over the 1100 calories/day that my train... Sat, 1 Jun 2013 08:40:49 EST Fun doesn't always = healthy! I had a great weekend! However, it wasn't the healthiest. I didn't do terribly, but I've been so perfect with my eating lately that splurging this weekend has felt like a complete failure :( I'm one of those people who is "all or nothing" but I'm not letting myself fall into that mindset this time. I just had a heart to heart with my trainer who said "So what? You splurged a little this weekend. You're allowed." I felt better after talking to her and plan to get back on track tomorrow. ... Mon, 27 May 2013 18:52:44 EST Ok, ok, the scale can stay! I lost a whopping one # when I weighed myself this morning. I'm actually not as discouraged as I thought I'd be. My trainer came over and I lost a total of 8 inches in my thighs, bust, waist and hips in two weeks!!! I was so excited! <BR> <BR> My friend and I are getting together to make Jello shots for a barbecue tomorrow and then we're going to go shopping and head out to dinner. I'm going to pick up a couple pairs of size 10 jeans so I have them ready when I need them. I'm short...I ... Sat, 25 May 2013 12:58:27 EST My scale is going in the garbage disposal Let me start by saying that I KNOW it's ok, and likely, for there to be times when the scale stays the same despite near-perfect effort. I understand that it's natural but I'm kind of annoyed that it's going to happen this week. My official weigh-in is Saturday morning, so there's still a chance for a loss, but it's not looking like a sure-thing. <BR> <BR> Done bitching :) I am so thankful that tomorrow is Friday...I'm leaving work a couple hours early and then working out with my trainer... Thu, 23 May 2013 17:51:51 EST It's all relative... In the past week I've complained about my weight, men, my ex (who does NOT count as a man), money, the pain it's going to be to refinance my house, work and probably a myriad of other things. I've bitched and moaned and felt sorry for myself. <BR> <BR> Yesterday morning I received a phone call that one of my residents had passed away. This was expected, but she was only in her mid-thirties. I've had nightmares about how she looked during the few days before she passed. She left behind a ... Sun, 19 May 2013 18:33:49 EST Follow-up Today actually did go pretty fast, thankfully! I was very, very busy. <BR> <BR> As for the guy...I haven't heard from him. The plan was for him to get a hold of me on his way home from his parents (out of state) but it's 6:15 and I haven't heard a word. I came home from work early because I went in early and I worked out as soon as I got home. I'm completely exhausted. The old me would stay up waiting for the phone to ring, allowing my own need for sleep be shoved to the wayside just fo... Mon, 13 May 2013 18:19:29 EST A quickie I find myself feeling very anxious this morning and thought that maybe a quick blog would make me feel better. <BR> <BR> I don't despise my job, so it's not really anything work-related that's got me stressed. I'm supposed to possibly get together with the guy I referenced in my previous blog. We're going to talk about expectations, possibilities regarding a future, etc. It's not the outcome that has me stressed's the state of limbo...and the fact that I don't actually know what ... Mon, 13 May 2013 05:53:48 EST A letter to myself. Dear Erica, <BR> <BR> I have a few things I need to say to you. <BR> <BR> I am so proud of what you've accomplished so far. Down 63 lbs and still staying strong! To be perfectly honest, when you started on this journey, I didn't know if you were truly ready for all that it entailed. Thank you for proving me wrong. <BR> <BR> Now for something that may be difficult for you to hear. You're trying way too hard in your personal life and are forgetting what a strong person you are. You've s... Sun, 12 May 2013 19:03:31 EST I'm quitting dating... ...well, at least through the summer. I've had a difficult few days, which of course, stemmed from another dating trauma. My anxiety level has been through the roof as I ask myself the usual questions: "Does he like me?" "Why hasn't he called?" "Am I ready to date again?" "Is he really someone I'm interested in or am I just scared of rejection?" Pretty much all the typical questions I ask myself after a date. Oh, and the ever-present "Will I ever be able to fully trust someone again?" ... Wed, 8 May 2013 18:38:38 EST