ERICAANN44's SparkPeople Blog ERICAANN44's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I actually threw out my leftovers!!! Yes, my friends, it's true. I threw out my leftover Alfredo! My bf and I went out to eat last night and I splurged on Alfredo w/ broccoli. It was delicious and I didn't feel guilty about eating that and too many pieces of bread. We went to a very expensive Italian restaurant and I decided to go for it. <BR> <BR> Anyway...I got up this morning, fixed my modem, did an 80 minute workout, made Oreo Balls for a friend's party tonight, cleaned the kitchen, ate a couple veggie burgers for lunch... Sat, 29 Nov 2014 14:18:50 EST Thanksgiving 2014 is off to a great start! Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving!!! <BR> <BR> I started off the day by ordering my friend, my boyfriend and myself all Fitbit Flexes. I used to have a Fitbit One, but lost it in a horrific laundry accident. My friend suggested the Flex because it's a wristband, and my bf and I jumped on board. <BR> <BR> Then I did a great cardio workout on the elliptical and treadmill. After that, I made a broccoli and cheese omelet. I've got my mind made up to eat fairly healthy at dinner tonigh... Thu, 27 Nov 2014 11:02:53 EST A+ for today! First, I'd like to thank those of you who read and responded to my blog last night. I desperately needed the words of encouragement. <BR> <BR> So I had my first truly on-plan day in a while today. I woke up and worked out, went into work with somewhat of a smile on my face ( steps!), then worked out again with my boyfriend after work. I ate healthy, aside from a couple squares of chocolate...but that's for my mental health. I have my alarm set for early tomorrow morning so I ... Mon, 24 Nov 2014 20:19:23 EST Changing my attitude... "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." -Maya Angelou <BR> <BR> I have realized that I am burned out with my current job. I love being a social worker, but I can't work for this company anymore. I was off on Friday and my boss emailed me to follow up with one of my residents regarding something petty on Monday. I was stunned to realize that my first thought was "I DO NOT CARE!" That is so not me! I have ALWAYS cared. I have ALWAYS wanted... Sun, 23 Nov 2014 20:17:12 EST Stress and Taco Bell kicked my a$$ today! Well, I think the title of this blog just about sums it up. I had a hugely stressful day at work today. After eating super healthy all day, my boyfriend and I caved and went to Taco Bell. I'm a social worker and am in the middle of a massive project at work. My part culminated in moving the second of my two 45 person units to a newly renovated unit. It's a lot of work and a lot of stress. <BR> <BR> What frustrates me is how easily I caved today. When I lost weight the first time arou... Tue, 18 Nov 2014 20:59:29 EST Starting over...for the last time! I am starting over for what feels like the millionth time! As I type this I'm also sending a text to my lovely friend Zana to tell her that I'd like to join her in her quest to lose 15# by Christmas. I think that's a good short-term goal. My 31st bday is the day after Christmas, and my boyfriend is planning something special. I want to look and feel amazing, and being 15# lighter will certainly help me achieve that. <BR> <BR> How am I going to do this? Well, it's time for me to go bac... Sat, 15 Nov 2014 22:50:01 EST Feeling extremely bummed! So, my boyfriend and I were switching out some dressers today. Obviously this involved taking out all of my clothes to transfer them to the new dresser. Well, I was shocked and appalled to find that I had a TON of clothes...most of which don't fit! I literally have 30 pairs of pants and I can't wear most of them. I grudgingly put them in the dresser in one of our spare "I hope to wear you someday soon" dresser. <BR> <BR> At first I was so disheartened. I mean, I had fit in... Sat, 25 Oct 2014 13:59:27 EST I'm back! I'm back...after putting on 50 lbs! Yikes!!! I'm back on track and working really hard though, so that's all that matters. <BR> <BR> My life is good, aside from the weight gain. I'm in love with a wonderful man, and couldn't be happier. <BR> <BR> More to come :) Mon, 1 Sep 2014 11:56:07 EST What?!?! We can CHOOSE how we feel??? I know, I know... this shouldn't be such a <em>189</em> moment, but it is! <BR> <BR> There ARE things that get me down at times, and I accept that. In fact, in some ways, I WELCOME that. After all, you can't have the highs without the lows, right??? <em>49</em> <em>55</em> Work is stressful and uncertain <em>38</em> , and my love life is rather pathetic <em>51</em> . I know there will be days when all I want to do is vent (and trust me, I will!) I know that there will b... Sun, 5 Jan 2014 18:23:01 EST What I deserve. I've been having a tough time lately. The guy I'd been seeing fell off the face of the earth last week...ironically, after I told him that I want to be in a serious relationship with him. He sent me a text telling me "Happy Birthday, Hun" on the 26th, and I responded by asking when I was going to see him. I then sent another text. He never responded. <BR> <BR> In my drunken stupor last night, I decided to suck it up and text him. He CLAIMS he never received any of my texts after he sai... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 16:37:06 EST Life begins at 30...right? So, I turned 30 yesterday. Yup. You heard me right. I said 30. I'm not having a breakdown about it or anything, but it definitely is a wake-up call that time continues to march on. <BR> <BR> I am 35 lbs lighter than I was last year at this time. Not as much as I was hoping, but I'll take it. Despite slip-ups and episodes of "I just don't give a $hit", my weight is trending down. <BR> <BR> I'm the type of person who needs things to look forward to. best friend's sister, who ... Fri, 27 Dec 2013 15:57:28 EST Waiting for the other shoe to drop... I'm officially asking for all of your advice, tips and tough love. <BR> <BR> Why am I so damn negative all the time when it comes to my love life? Here's the deal...I've been seeing a guy for a little over a month now. We're taking things slow, but see each other frequently and ALWAYS have an amazing time. He's very sweet. He's always telling me that I'm beautiful and that he loves spending time with me. He very casually mentioned that he canceled his account (which is how we ... Thu, 19 Dec 2013 18:04:10 EST Boo to the end of the weekend! I am feeling sooooo bummed out for some reason! I don't know why. It could be because I literally got out of bed once since Friday morning. I was sick with some sort of bug and it totally wiped me out. I know I needed the rest, but it certainly didn't do anything to help my mood (or my weight loss!) I didn't eat a lot since I was sick, so maybe that will work in my favor. The scale is safely tucked away in my closet, not to be used until Friday morning :) <BR> <BR> I was able to drag m... Sun, 8 Dec 2013 17:39:38 EST Giving myself a pat on the back :) I am trying so hard right now not to eat! I actually could probably have a little snack and be totally within my allotted calories, but the truth is I am NOT hungry. I'm just killing time before I can crawl into bed and watch tv...far, far away from the kitchen! <BR> <BR> So, I got my Fitbit One in the mail yesterday and used it for the first time today. Can I say that I LOVE that little guy?!?! It's actually really accurate (I figured it would be...I did my research on Consumer Reports)... Tue, 3 Dec 2013 19:05:51 EST A few December goals... So, I am back on track yet again! I've gained about 13 lbs from where I was a couple months ago, and instead of letting it spiral out of control, I'm wrangling it in and squashing it. 10 lbs is nothing compared to the 120 lbs I originally had to lose. <BR> <BR> I'm going to be 30 on December 26th. 30!!! I know I'm still young, but it's just a reminder that I'm getting a little older and that it will just become harder and harder to lose the weight. In that vein, I WILL be near goal by... Sun, 1 Dec 2013 15:27:07 EST The ugly truth. The ugly truth is that I've gained 12 lbs. I've not been exercising and I've been eating whatever I want. I did not do this mindlessly; it was a conscious choice. I'm not sure why I did this. I'm not depressed or extraordinarily stressed out. I'm dating around...and have actually met a couple of really amazing men. Work is ok. I'm stressed about $ but that's not all that unusual. <BR> <BR> So, I decided I needed to be a bit more proactive. I spent all weekend cooking different things... Tue, 29 Oct 2013 18:18:09 EST I'm not sure how much more I can handle. Warning: I will be whining throughout this entire blog <BR> <BR> <BR> I met a man on, I know I said I was going to give it up, but anyway...He was cute, smart, funny and seemed really, really interested in me. After our first date, we both decided to "hide" our profiles. We had (what I thought) was an amazing date Saturday night. I cooked a delicious meal from scratch and even made his favorite dessert and bought his favorite beer. Throughout the evening he kept promisi... Mon, 9 Sep 2013 20:01:08 EST F*ck me. I have been totally off the last couple weeks. I've been eating everything in sight, not exercising as much as I used to, and losing willpower daily. Despite an incredible workout this morning, I still pigged out this afternoon (I called into work today...mental health day). I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. <BR> <BR> I think I might need to go back to basics. I'd started working some of my "old" foods back into my diet, which I think was a mistake. I'm going to work on goi... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 18:53:39 EST 10 years ago today, I was raped. I promise this isn't a depressing blog. <BR> <BR> When I was 19 years old, I was working as a bartender while attending college. I usually worked the "Happy Hour" shift, 3p-8p. It was the day after I returned home after my grandpa's funeral in Washington D.C. and I was working my usual shift. The bar was oddly quiet, with some of the regulars popping in but not much else. A guy came in and sat at the bar throughout most of my shift. I had never seen him before. At one point I was behin... Mon, 1 Jul 2013 18:00:49 EST Random stuff... Not a whole hell of a lot to report, but here goes nothing... <BR> <BR> I get rooms comped at our local casino so my friend and I went up on Thursday and spent the night. We had a great time! I always feel better as a drive further away from home. I constantly toy with the idea of moving away, but I'm too much of a coward to actually do it. <BR> <BR> I decided to take the 5th off from work, despite having no plans. I have several weeks of vacation built up and I continuously accrue it... Sun, 30 Jun 2013 17:42:11 EST If I have to, I can face anything... Something amazing happened yesterday. I was steam-cleaning my kitchen when I heard "Living Dead Girl" blasting from my cell phone. I thought to myself, "Who the hell is calling my cell?" I have a home phone and NOBODY calls my cell. Anyway, I looked down and it said "Nobody". In case I haven't mentioned it before...immediately after breaking up with my ex last summer, I changed him to "Coward Douche-bag" in my phone. Then when I bought a new phone, I shortened it to "dickhead". Last mo... Sun, 23 Jun 2013 15:16:50 EST I've been a miner for a heart of gold... ...and maybe that's my problem. I need to stop MINING. It implies that I should have to actively spend my time digging for someone who is worthy of what I have to offer. No more. I refuse to believe that I won't ever meet my other half. I also refuse to believe that I have to work this hard to find him. I refuse to sacrifice the present in order to worry about the future. I'm going to keep working on myself because I am the only person I can control. <BR> <BR> I did something really... Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:05:13 EST Me...naked. Figuratively speaking. <BR> <BR> I feel myself falling into a funk. More than a funk, if I'm being totally honest with you (and myself.) <BR> <BR> I'm talking to a new guy...despite my swearing off men a few weeks ago. I'm excited to meet him and see where it goes, but it's bringing up so many insecurities. Not just about men, but about everyone and everything in my life. <BR> <BR> I'm terrified that I'm not good enough. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough...just no... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 20:55:55 EST Dusting myself off I have officially eaten like $hit this weekend and I'm really disappointed in myself. For some reason, I was a bottomless pit when it came to food. The old Erica would just fall off the wagon but the new Erica is not going to allow that to happen. A couple days of poor decisions does not undo the 68 lbs I've already lost! Still, I can't help but feel slightly disgusted with myself :( <BR> <BR> I'm off tomorrow so I can spend the day shopping with my mom and her friend who's visiting from... Sun, 2 Jun 2013 18:59:31 EST Why do I do this??? Ok, so I have a chronic problem and maybe some of you guys can help me figure it out. <BR> <BR> I always pig out after a GOOD weigh-in! Not anything too crazy, but as soon as I see the number on the scale down a few lbs, it seems like my appetite kicks into overdrive! What's up with that? I already gave in a little this morning and will be going out to dinner tonight, so it's not going to be pretty. Well, let me rephrase...I'll definitely be going over the 1100 calories/day that my train... Sat, 1 Jun 2013 08:40:49 EST Fun doesn't always = healthy! I had a great weekend! However, it wasn't the healthiest. I didn't do terribly, but I've been so perfect with my eating lately that splurging this weekend has felt like a complete failure :( I'm one of those people who is "all or nothing" but I'm not letting myself fall into that mindset this time. I just had a heart to heart with my trainer who said "So what? You splurged a little this weekend. You're allowed." I felt better after talking to her and plan to get back on track tomorrow. ... Mon, 27 May 2013 18:52:44 EST Ok, ok, the scale can stay! I lost a whopping one # when I weighed myself this morning. I'm actually not as discouraged as I thought I'd be. My trainer came over and I lost a total of 8 inches in my thighs, bust, waist and hips in two weeks!!! I was so excited! <BR> <BR> My friend and I are getting together to make Jello shots for a barbecue tomorrow and then we're going to go shopping and head out to dinner. I'm going to pick up a couple pairs of size 10 jeans so I have them ready when I need them. I'm short...I ... Sat, 25 May 2013 12:58:27 EST My scale is going in the garbage disposal Let me start by saying that I KNOW it's ok, and likely, for there to be times when the scale stays the same despite near-perfect effort. I understand that it's natural but I'm kind of annoyed that it's going to happen this week. My official weigh-in is Saturday morning, so there's still a chance for a loss, but it's not looking like a sure-thing. <BR> <BR> Done bitching :) I am so thankful that tomorrow is Friday...I'm leaving work a couple hours early and then working out with my trainer... Thu, 23 May 2013 17:51:51 EST It's all relative... In the past week I've complained about my weight, men, my ex (who does NOT count as a man), money, the pain it's going to be to refinance my house, work and probably a myriad of other things. I've bitched and moaned and felt sorry for myself. <BR> <BR> Yesterday morning I received a phone call that one of my residents had passed away. This was expected, but she was only in her mid-thirties. I've had nightmares about how she looked during the few days before she passed. She left behind a ... Sun, 19 May 2013 18:33:49 EST Follow-up Today actually did go pretty fast, thankfully! I was very, very busy. <BR> <BR> As for the guy...I haven't heard from him. The plan was for him to get a hold of me on his way home from his parents (out of state) but it's 6:15 and I haven't heard a word. I came home from work early because I went in early and I worked out as soon as I got home. I'm completely exhausted. The old me would stay up waiting for the phone to ring, allowing my own need for sleep be shoved to the wayside just fo... Mon, 13 May 2013 18:19:29 EST A quickie I find myself feeling very anxious this morning and thought that maybe a quick blog would make me feel better. <BR> <BR> I don't despise my job, so it's not really anything work-related that's got me stressed. I'm supposed to possibly get together with the guy I referenced in my previous blog. We're going to talk about expectations, possibilities regarding a future, etc. It's not the outcome that has me stressed's the state of limbo...and the fact that I don't actually know what ... Mon, 13 May 2013 05:53:48 EST A letter to myself. Dear Erica, <BR> <BR> I have a few things I need to say to you. <BR> <BR> I am so proud of what you've accomplished so far. Down 63 lbs and still staying strong! To be perfectly honest, when you started on this journey, I didn't know if you were truly ready for all that it entailed. Thank you for proving me wrong. <BR> <BR> Now for something that may be difficult for you to hear. You're trying way too hard in your personal life and are forgetting what a strong person you are. You've s... Sun, 12 May 2013 19:03:31 EST I'm quitting dating... ...well, at least through the summer. I've had a difficult few days, which of course, stemmed from another dating trauma. My anxiety level has been through the roof as I ask myself the usual questions: "Does he like me?" "Why hasn't he called?" "Am I ready to date again?" "Is he really someone I'm interested in or am I just scared of rejection?" Pretty much all the typical questions I ask myself after a date. Oh, and the ever-present "Will I ever be able to fully trust someone again?" ... Wed, 8 May 2013 18:38:38 EST I am strong (strong)...I am invincible (invincible)! First, I'd like to say how incredibly blessed I feel to be alive, healthy and, for the most part, happy. In a world that feels as if it's going to hell, I am thankful every single day to be who I am. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling especially strong today. I did an hour on my elliptical immediately followed by a seriously intense hour with my trainer. I grilled some veggies to eat for lunch this week and have avoided the temptation to eat just because I'm bored. I'm about a week and a half away fr... Sun, 21 Apr 2013 19:33:57 EST Feeling good! After a couple weeks at a plateau, I'm down another 4 lbs! And it's the week before my period when I normally NEVER lose weight! I can't believe I'm a miniscule 7 lbs away from being under 200 for the first time in about 3 years! I feel like once I get under 200 it's all downhill from there. Not that it won't continue to be very hard work, but the hardest part is over. When I think back to how utterly overwhelmed I felt at 263 lbs and at the thought of needing to lose 130...damn! <BR> ... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:10:35 EST Wahhhhh! I'm not ready for Monday! <BR> <BR> I had such a stressful couple of weeks at work and this weekend went by way too fast! My loser, piece of sh*t coworker was out because of "stress" (which I don't understand because the rest of the department is always doing his work for him!) and the DOH showed up Monday for our surprise survey. That lasted 4 days and was really nerve-wracking. My coworker knew they were there but still had his doctor take him out of work for a second week. I think tha... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 20:03:12 EST Humiliating night... I had an awful, humiliating night last night.... <BR> <BR> My friends and I were out at our usual bar tonight. Everything was going great...or at least I thought it was. My friend Kristin looked at me and said "We need to go to another!" Well, apparently a guy at the table next to us was calling us all sorts of names. He was calling us "fat pigs" and saying to his friends "Dare me to go over there and tell them <BR> they're fat?" Oh, and apparently his friends (a 400 lb man an... Sun, 31 Mar 2013 14:51:55 EST Gonna be a tough weekend Food-wise, anyway. I'm spending the day with my mom tomorrow for her birthday and that will involve eating lunch out. My mom is VERY healthy, so that should make things easier. However, we are then going out for cocktails and then out to dinner. Then I'm going out to dinner on Saturday night with a friend. I'm going to do the best I can and make sure I get a ton of exercise in. I'm looking forward to everything, so I plan on enjoying myself! I also plan on buying myself a spring jacket... Thu, 28 Mar 2013 18:23:15 EST One day down... This is going to be the week from hell! My lazy POS co-worker is supposedly in the hospital and won't be in most of the week. Don't get me wrong, I would have compassion for him if I actually believed him. Anyway, I already had to help my boss do a bunch of his work and I'm going to have to do more tomorrow. I left work early today to get my car looked at and I have to leave early tomorrow to actually drop it off at the shop. I'm going into work at 6 am tomorrow just so I can get my work... Mon, 25 Mar 2013 18:00:47 EST Phew! Ok, sorry about the little pity-party. I feel so much better! I SO didn't want to workout but I eventually dragged myself to the basement. I ended up watching "The First Wives Club" (the ultimate screw-men-feel-good movie!) and doing an hour on the elliptical and 20 minutes on the treadmill. As usual, I felt so incredibly amazing afterwards. It helped me get out of my funk. I still don't know exactly what caused it. My life is going pretty well right now. I'm steadily losing TONS of w... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 17:57:15 EST Feeling down I'm feeling so down today and I don't know why. I'm a bottomless pit and all I want to do is eat. I had a 5 lb loss this week so I should be on top of the world. I'm just not sure what's going on with me. <BR> <BR> I hit a deer yesterday and I'm going to need to have some work done on my car. If worse comes to worse I'll have to get a rental car. I'm meeting the appraiser at work tomorrow morning and then I'm going to leave early to go to the body shop so they can give me an idea of how... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 11:47:00 EST SO not looking forward to Monday! Ugh, why do weekends go by so fast??? I am not ready to go back to work :( We're expecting the Department of Health any day now for our state survey and it's making everyone at work incredibly tense. It's not a pleasant atmosphere. I wish they would just hurry up and get it over with. Truthfully, I'm a little nervous. I know that I do my job well but I'm always afraid of messing something up and getting us a deficiency. Granted, nothing I could do could bring about an "IJ" (Immediate J... Sun, 17 Mar 2013 17:53:50 EST Buh-bye, PLATEAU! Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE weekends???? I was definitely ready for this week to end! <BR> <BR> I lost 4 lbs this week! I'm totally psyched! I hit a plateau the last couple weeks, and was also sick early this week, so I'm so relieved to be back on track with the loss. Keep 'em coming! I take it 5 lbs at a time, but I'm so close to being in the 100s that I can taste it :) It's so exciting. I know I'll have quite a bit more to go once I hit 199, but I feel like that's the do... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 15:32:04 EST He's just not that into me! Ugh! Another guy who keeps stringing me along. I'm not chasing him but according to my very dear (and brutally honest) friend John, he's just keeping me waiting in the wings. Like a sign from god, the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" is on. The funny thing is, I'm actually not really into this guy. Hard to explain. <BR> <BR> Thanks for letting me vent about my personal life :) As for my weight-loss, I'm still plugging along. I'm very stressed about re-financing so I can get my ex... Sun, 10 Mar 2013 19:11:42 EST Friends who sabotage? Does anyone have friends who either openly or underhandedly try to sabotage your weight loss? One of my closest friends is very overweight. We started at about the same size but now I've lost 45 lbs and she hasn't lost anything significant. I hadn't seen her in about a month (we decided to take a break from our Friday night bar routine) and we saw each other for the first time on February 15th. Anyway, when I opened the front door she said "Ok, the good friend in my wants to tell you how ... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 16:30:52 EST How do I learn to trust myself? So..... <BR> <BR> I had a blind date yesterday. He was intelligent, funny and incredibly cute. We were weirdly compatible. However, I'm not sure if I felt that "spark", for lack of a better word. I know the easiest answer is to trust my instincts, but that's where I have problems. Ever since I broke up with my cheating ex, not only do I not know whether to trust me instincts, I'm wondering if I even have any instincts at all! It's sad to say, but I have no idea how I feel or what I wan... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 18:07:05 EST Happy Super Bowl! I cannot believe it's February 3rd already! Spring is just around the corner and I, for one, couldn't be more excited (and relieved!) <BR> <BR> I was 227 at my weigh-in this afternoon...which is two lbs down since last week! I thought I would do a little better but I indulged in some pizza last night, so I'm sure that the sodium didn't do me any favors. Oh well. I fully intend on being UNDER 200 lbs by April 1st. And no, that's not an April Fool's joke :) While I'll still have another ... Sun, 3 Feb 2013 16:42:38 EST Another weekend down... So, this is my first weekend having my trainer on Saturday morning. My whole point of adding the 3rd day/week was to help with my terrible weekend eating habits...and it TOTALLY worked! I stayed on track with my eating and exercised this morning. I was only able to walk/job for 40 minutes because my foot started to hurt a bit, but it was still an excellent workout. I plan on getting up at 4:15 tomorrow so I can do 45 minutes in the morning and 45 minutes when I get home. I hope that doin... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 17:18:51 EST Finally! After a week + of not being able to workout d/t an injury, I finally got back on the treadmill/elliptical yesterday. I was only able to do about 30 minutes before my foot started hurting too much to continue. I woke up and did another 30 minutes this morning and then I have my trainer after work. I'm frustrated that I can't run right now because the weight was really falling off when I jogged 4 miles/day. I hope that I can start running again sometime next week. <BR> <BR> I've made up ... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 06:18:57 EST A gift to myself 2012 has been a hell of a year. My weight continued to go up, my relationship with my fiance fell apart, and I basically lost my entire identity. I wasn't sure I'd survive. Yes, I knew I'd physically survive, but I didn't know if I'd survive emotionally. I did. I'm a survivor. I've survived death, heartbreak, rape...and now it's time for me to focus on me. <BR> <BR> I have a renewed sense of self and a renewed desire to be the happiest, healthiest version of myself. I deserve it. My ... Tue, 25 Dec 2012 15:39:29 EST