ELISARA2005's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=ELISARA2005 ELISARA2005's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Not doing so well http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5738998 So, I've been having problems lately. I can't seem to get anything done. I'm losing my thoughts, I feel leaden, and I can't seem to stick to any plan. Today I;ve had 4 servings of Doritos, 5 servings of Oreos, and dinner (chicken with veggies, boxed rice). oh and 4 16 oz coffees. I feel like I'm losing it. I must find something that will help me stay on track. Any thoughts or prayers are gratefully accepted. <BR> <BR> Lesli Mon, 14 Jul 2014 23:30:55 EST Oh what a day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5726809 So, the past few weeks have been... difficult. My MS has been wonky, I've been trying to complete 4 or 5 projects at once, my son was diagnosed with ADHD, a neural processing disorder, and a moderately severe attachment disorder. Oh, and I have to go in for nerve testing to see if I have developed Carpal Tunnel. I've had to re-evaluate the goals I made for myself and found myself woefully lacking. While I may make two of the goals (getting my license and losing 15lbs) none of the others will... Fri, 27 Jun 2014 02:29:57 EST Wow, I've been negligent http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5711548 So, school is out. I bused my buns to finish last semester with a decent GPA. It was very hard and I know that I let other areas fall way behind. My spark was smothered with Stats. So, I looked at myself at semesters end and about cried. All that hard work in my core conditioning class was wasted because I had stopped eating again. As soon as the temps started to go up, I started breaking down. My speech has been affected, my limbs feel feel like there are electrified ants running all over th... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 19:46:00 EST I have a problem. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5682010 To understand what I'm going to write here, I need to lay down some back ground. When I was growing up we didn't have a lot of food. Mostly, we had soda. I remember even if we didn't have milk, or even the fixings for PB&Js, we had Pepsi. Being the oldest, I was the one who went without if there wasn't enough to go around the four kids. When I was moved into foster care, I would gorge myself on everything insight. I would make myself sick. I understand now that it was because I didn't know if... Sun, 27 Apr 2014 23:43:29 EST Blah http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5565033 So its been a long time since I've blogged. Life was hectic and things fell apart, including myself. All that hard work was lost. Now I'm picking up some of the pieces and starting over. I'm so tired all the time. I don't even want to eat because it takes too much effort to cook. My 5 yo (as of tomorrow) however, needs and deserves better. I am going to do my best to stick with the challenges that I have assigned myself for the winter break, 28 day boot camp and doing more the the Wii Fit cha... Sun, 15 Dec 2013 17:47:41 EST What next? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5481164 So, I went to bed last night cuddling my Buggy. He pretty much always sleeps with me. I'm ok with it for now. I have no idea what woke me up. Could it have been the smells? Was it the person talking on her cell phone saying "Wow that tree is on fire!" and walking away? Was it that leaden feeling in my chest? Honestly, I don't know. I DO know that at 2:15 this morning I realized my apartment building was on fire. Yes, on fire. I could see ash and live cinders floating past my window. I grabbed... Mon, 9 Sep 2013 23:46:49 EST Massive headaches http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5478967 So since my MRI, I've had a migraine and daily head aches. I'm not talking a little pain behind the eyes. I'm talking "Oh dear Lord, please turn down the sun." headaches complete with tears, nausea, and vomiting. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I aid in a class of 2-3 yo's. I want to cry at the thought of the noise levels. The vertigo and nausea are causeing their own set of problems, but those I'm used to. I can handle that. I got my first workout in today in almost 2 weeks. By the end all I can ... Sat, 7 Sep 2013 21:11:15 EST Meds, Class, and a Kid http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5465003 So, I went into for an eye exam on Thursday. It was finished a lot quicker than I thought so I bopped on down to where my neurologist is located. After finding out that he wasn't in, I explained some of the problems I've been having to her. The sheer WEIGHT of my fatigue is worrying. Add in the leaden feeling in my limbs and the head aches and I've got some concern. The nurse decided to page my doc and find out what he wants me to do. Well, first was a urinalysis and the second is the MRI I'v... Sat, 24 Aug 2013 15:36:02 EST I've regressed :( http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5462356 Well, school starts next monday and I seem to be preemptively not eating as has been the pattern for years. The last few days have been busy and my calorie intake has plummeted. I'm averaging 300-500 under goal. I have to forage at night to get even that high. I'm relly worried that all of my work is going to be undone. I don't feel well so I'm not exercising like I should. I KNOW what is wrong but I can't seem to fix it. /feeling like a failure. Wed, 21 Aug 2013 20:18:37 EST What the ... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5458562 So, there has been a lot going on in my life this last month or so. <BR> <BR> First, my son has begun acting oddly. His behavior has changed rather dramatically. Enough so that I took him to his doctor for a behavioral work up. She spent almost 45 minutes with us, which is huge considering she was the only phsysician on duty at the time. By the time we left she had seen some of the concerning behaviors and we had an urgent request in for a child psychologist. I am afraid he has ADHD. She co... Sun, 18 Aug 2013 01:29:46 EST Whew http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5433486 So, my final is done * I pulled an A out of somewhere?!?*, I've got dentist appointments made for oth of us, a menu for one week on my tablet (my goal is to shop for us once a week to reduce spoilage and increase fresh food consumption) , Ronan's head is shaved, I've got my headstart program set up for next semester, the resume is ready for a final draft.... did I miss anything? Oh! I'm doing a challenge using my Wii. <BR> <BR> the trouble now? I don't know what to do next!! I have 3 weeks... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 19:42:11 EST Where to start? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5424772 I seem to have so many little things going that I can't focus on one. I've got my financial aid, scholarship hunting, my math class, dr,s appointments, food prep, cooking. It just feels like a lot. I keep trying to write myself notes to keep track of things but I keep losing them! Blarg. I think I've got the end of the semester blahs. Wed, 17 Jul 2013 23:40:45 EST A question of waste http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5420971 I have a bit of a moral dilemma I would love some help with. <BR> <BR> there are times when I go to a local food bank to get some extra food for my son and I. At the moment we have a 200$ budget for food monthly. We routinely are taking money out of other bills to use for foods. Especially fresh foods I know my son needs to grow and I need to lose. I scour the papers and the internet for coupons and use a program that helps me check the local ads for deals on things we use regularly. Many o... Sun, 14 Jul 2013 18:37:01 EST Very interesting http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5400758 Hello all, <BR> So today I revisited my goals and weight for my nutrition goals. Imagine my surprise when it upped my daily calorie intake by almost 200!!!!! My upper range is now 2270. When I looked back over my last few weeks of struggling to get into the 1800-2000 range I was consistently over. It was starting to take a toll on my confidence, let me tell you. Week after week of either being hungry all day or eating my fill and going over by 2-300 cals really hurts. Now I think I can be wit... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 23:08:24 EST Today has been a damn good day. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5390497 Today started off like any other day when we don't have school. Ronan brings all of the toys he can find and starts putting them all over my room as I sleep. He then proceeds to make as much noise as he possibly can in order to wake me up, including yelling " IT'S WAKE UP TIME!!!" at the top of his lungs. After some false starts and misunderstood feelings, we puttered along like usual. Then, on the way home from an emergency dentist visit (where I found out I need A LOT of work done :( as I s... Sun, 16 Jun 2013 02:00:39 EST The dilema http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5367984 So my birthday was yesterday. When one of my neighbors found out I wasn't able to have a party or cake or any of what she deems is appropriate celebratory activities, she decided to make me a cake. A Betty Crocker Strawberry cake with an ENTIRE container of vanilla frosting on it. So the decision came to "Ok, yeah I'll be passing some of this around. " but how much do I eat now?! I broke down and ate 2 pieces today, than in a moment of disgust I tossed the rest of it to my 4yo who devoured it... Sat, 25 May 2013 23:02:31 EST Having a hard time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5363666 I'm having a hard time getting back into my rhythm. I can't seem t gert my enthusiasm back. Ronan isn't really helping much as I'm over eating like mad to compensate for stress. trying to shimmy and shake things back into place. Tue, 21 May 2013 16:03:50 EST And I started so well too http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5361234 So, I was on a 5 day streak of at least logging on every day, maybe throwing up a blog. Than the site went down. I fretted about it all day. Than, again, yesterday, I forgot to eat. All day. I had 2 pots of coffee until about 4:30 when I started eating everything in site. So did Ronan. Part of the problem was I got caught up in trying to modify the Spark Solution diet. To be honest, I can't afford to shop like that. I have a 200$ budget and there is no way I can do the diet and feed my son pr... Sun, 19 May 2013 15:29:02 EST Day 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5358132 So I bought the Spark Solution on pre order but it didn't actually GET here until yesterday. I've been able to read little bits and pieces so far as Ronan isn't giving me much time to myself. Since Finals Week started my life has been very hectic and it's leaking out on him. He's been acting out by wetting himself at school again and today he pooped in his pants here at home. I know I've got to give him some more us time if I want to get him on track. <BR> <BR> this is day 5 for me of coming... Thu, 16 May 2013 02:09:44 EST Better today, again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5356887 So today was hellaciously stressful. BUT... I didn't over eat. I didn't snack. I drank my water like a good girl. I ate my soup and bread and was satisfied. AND!!!!! I almost came within my calorie range!!!! YAYAYAYYAYAYAYA. As I am consistently over, sometimes by 5-600 calories, I am damn proud of myself. Added to that I passed my math class with an A. That's right folks, Ms. I have trouble adding my toes got a 97.6 in algebra! I am stoked. I still have 3 other classes but I am confidant of ... Tue, 14 May 2013 23:35:42 EST Better today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5354637 I'm doing better today. Went for a long walk with Ronan. As the semester is winding down, I'm finding I' in more and more need of some kind of therapy. I feel beaten down by school and it is affecting my whole life. Admittedly this is my first semester back full time but I know now I need new strategies in order to go through with 3 more years of this. I'm hoping to have a better work system, rather than my papers spread over the couch. I'm also going to be trying to get a new gym. The one I'... Mon, 13 May 2013 01:37:28 EST My motivation is pretty well gone. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5353306 I'm sitting here wondering how I've gotten so big that I hate seeing myself in a picture or in the mirror. I'm turning 29 in a few weeks and I feel like I'm 50. I lie to my self day after day that I look ok but honestly, I look like hell. I've been gaining weight steadily since my ex left. In a year and a half, I've gained nearly 30 lbs. I know I'm an emotional eater and have been forever. But it's so much easier when I get home from a 14 hour day to nuke a can of Chef Boyardee for my son and... Sat, 11 May 2013 18:01:23 EST So tired.... and hungry http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5337661 I've been working hard at school and trust me, 12 hours in route or at school can wear a body down fast. I did really well in the beginning of the semester with taking food to school and tracking every thing. Problem is, I get vouchers for the cafeteria and the Starbucks on campus. My biggest weakness?? Coffee. Hot cold, lukewarm, doesn't matter to me, I love it all. So mos of my calories are coming in the form of sweetened coffee drinks. Worst of all, the cafeteria has 0 nutritional info fo... Sat, 27 Apr 2013 20:39:48 EST Why I'm losing. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5302046 So the spark coach tip today is to write why I'm trying to lose weight. In 2005, I was diagnosed with relapsing remitting multiple sclerosis. I was 22. From that time, I've gained almost 80 pounds. After my son, I stopped caring about myself and became "Mom". It drove home after I asked Ronan if he knew what my name is. He said, with an utterly Duh look on his face "You're name is Mama." At that point I realized that I'd lost myself in being a mom. Now, I've realized that I need to be able to... Wed, 27 Mar 2013 12:56:48 EST A whole new world http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5223084 I've started school and man, it's gonna be tough. 2 early childhood ed classes, algebra, and an honors English class will definatly be keeping me hitting the books. I'm a bit worried about how to fit in some real workouts since some days I'll be on campus for 8+ hours. I've been thinking about trying some yoga poses but honestly, I'm not good enough yet to take myself through a good routine. There is the track of course, but all the sports teams use it and I really don't want to be flabbing ... Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:04:14 EST Tired, body and mind http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5215007 The last few days have been very trying. Ronan has been acting out terribly. I know its partly because his routine has been so skewed and off kilter and some of it is because he's not sleeping well. These combined with an almost insatiable appitite (he's been eating more than I have the last few days) have culminated in some HUGE tantrums. Like, some one help me my mommy is tearing out my organs type screams, on the floor kicking, No I WON'T!. The whole nine. Since we've had to be going to my... Sun, 20 Jan 2013 00:28:20 EST My bike http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5204446 Today I got my bike fixed. Lots of adjusting and oiling but got it done for about 25$ at the local Sports Chalet. I had so much fun riding my bike with Ronan in his trailer behind me that I can't wait to do it again. It's a bit of a pain because I live upstairs but the almost euphoric feeling I felt while riding today made it all worth it. I have the feeling I'll be sore as all get out tomorrow but for today I feel pretty good. <BR> <BR> I am going back to school on the 22nd and I am so stre... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 01:01:10 EST Moving http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5187280 So I took my day off yesterday with about 2 miles of just walking with Ronan to the store and back. Today was more of a hike at about 6.5 miles doing some first of the month running around. Got to the bakery for some Irish Soda bread *since they didn't have the spelt bread we've been eating. Tonight though is supposed to be my date with Coach Nicole and I can't drum up the energy to do it. I'm really feeling that fatigue today. Both body and mind are tired. I just want to go to bed early wit... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 23:30:45 EST Trying http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5179475 For the last 3 days I have faithfully gotten onto my Wii and logged into my WiiFit and done 145 cals worth of workout. I really don't want to but I promised myself that I would lose 5 lbs by January. Considering that I've gained 15 in the past 6 or so doesn't make me feel really good. As a matter of fact, I cried. I went into the shower and cried. I can't seem to get ahold of anything. Just when it feels like I'm going on the right track something mucks up. My son (now 4) pushes and pushes. ... Sat, 29 Dec 2012 03:26:38 EST So very hard http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5143078 So it's been a long time since I've posted. I haven't been logging on to SP for a while. I'm not sure if I just lapsed or if it was a conscious decision. I've been able to see that I'm not losing anything and in fact ahve gained nearly 10 lbs in the last few months. Which I will say have been hell. Going to school, walking the 1-3 miles taking my son to school, trying to piece my life together have all taken a toll. So has being sick for one out of the last three months. I'm tired, weary, d... Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:05:18 EST Thank you for the support :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4735264 Thanks Ladies. I appreciate the support. It's really tough since he's up and running and I'm reduced to a crawl. I've been doing some *very light* stretches and some deep breathing (when I can breathe) to try and release some stress and the meds are working I do feel a bit better today. Well enough that I finished making his valentines day friendship cards for class. I think they look darn cute too!! <BR> <BR> I hope you ladies have a wonderful day. Sun, 12 Feb 2012 14:14:50 EST I just want to get well damnit!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4732994 I am so tired of being sick it's not funny. Every time I try to start up a challenge I end up getting sick!! Ronan ended up with pink eye and the flu (from some lovely germ sharing at school no doubt) which he lovingly passed on to me. So now on top of the flu I have the start of a sinus infection and a monstrous ear infection. Luckily our doctor was able to see us both today and get us the meds we need but damnit all!!!!! I wanna be well!!!!!! Fri, 10 Feb 2012 21:40:36 EST Tried the yoga Dvd... I feel sick and woozy. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4685793 So I got a yoga DVD from Target hoping it would help me work on my balance and flexibility. Half way through the WAY to fast *beginners* workout, I started to feel woozy and nauseous. So, I just sat down and watched the stupidly flexible man bend himself in half. All the while I'm thinking to myself "Man, if I didn't feel so sick I think I'd go for some chips watching this guy." Finally I turned it off put my son to bed and got on SP where I know I won't be sickened by utterly too bendable g... Mon, 16 Jan 2012 23:57:17 EST I've been gone... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4657057 Hello Ladies, <BR> <BR> This is my first blog for a while as my life has been turned pretty much upside down over the last 4 months or so. I just recently separated from my husband of 7 years and have taken full custody of our son, Ronan, who is three. As you can imagine it has been very rough but we are getting through it. I have tried to keep up with my workouts as much as possible, even getting Ronan involved when I can. I am currently 218lbs which makes me very happy but I still have a w... Wed, 4 Jan 2012 13:50:13 EST Been a little sick http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4473758 Since Monday I've been feeling a bit sick, almost like I've had a mild case of food poisoning. It still hasn't abated but I don't want to let my team mates down so I"m going to try doing at least some light cardio and ST today to help balance out the 3 days I haven't done anything. I'm not really feeling it though. I need to make sure Nate is here with me in case I start to get dizzy again. I hope every enjoyed their long weekend and here's wishing you all a lovely week. Thu, 8 Sep 2011 14:02:29 EST Added some weights http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4466833 Today we got some 2.5lb ankle/wrist weights and have been trying them out. We've been trying some of the exercises that seem to want to work well with the weights. I'm hoping I can get my husband to work with me on these. We spent a pleasurable hour working together so I hope that works in my favor. I wonder if I could bribe him.... Hmmm. Mon, 5 Sep 2011 02:54:32 EST Just a thought. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4462563 Yesterday I listed all of the foods I ate and it added up to be a very paltry amount. I was pretty surprised until I really thought about it. This log is set up to be for a normal non-nocternal person. Which I am not. I realized that I stayed up through the night again, did my workout around 3 am, ate my "dinner" around 4:30am. That doesn't really work in well. I am trying to get back onto a daytime schedule so that I can be up to help with my son and the things that are involved in running a... Fri, 2 Sep 2011 12:21:40 EST I'm gonna try... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4460737 I'm gonna try today to log all of the foods I eat. This will be a first for me so I hope it will work. I really haven't gotten the hang of it but I have sticky notes and reminders up and will be heading out to see if I can find some fun stickies to help catch my eye for more reminder notes. Wish me luck! Thu, 1 Sep 2011 13:38:06 EST