EDDYMEESE's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=EDDYMEESE EDDYMEESE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 26 - plugging along http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6124646 SW: 205.1 <BR> CW: 188.5 <BR> <BR> Not doing a great job at getting on here once a week. I'm sorry! I'm in the last few weeks of my acupuncture studies and am studying like crazy. I was also scheduled for a bunch of extra work shifts. So all in all, I'm feeling the crunch, that's for sure. <BR> <BR> But I'm almost there. I go to Colorado in April for 5 days. Fort Collins, not Denver. I have to rent a car. Ugh. I'm tempted to take a cat with me for company. I should look into that!... Mon, 21 Mar 2016 20:02:30 EST 63 - nothing new, super boring! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6112040 SW: 205.1 <BR> CW: 189.9 <BR> - 15.2 <BR> <BR> Well, I've seriously stalled. I'm still happy to be down just over 15 pounds, but I'm not longer making the kind of progress I was, and I know I need to do something to kick it up a notch. <BR> <BR> Otherwise, everything is pretty boring, which is fine by me! Sat, 5 Mar 2016 17:26:37 EST 52 - still here! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6101480 SW: 205.1 <BR> CW: 190.8 <BR> <BR> Ugh, I am SO SORRY! <BR> <BR> I have seriously had the plague for the last 2 weeks. I got sick 2 weeks ago - flu, fever, etc. and I refused to take sick days so by the time I had a few days off in a row to get better, I literally did nothing but sleep and watch TV. I have also been working extra shifts, which isn't helping. <BR> <BR> Thank you, Cindy - for reaching out and reminding me that it has been too long. Not cool on my part! <BR> <BR> I'm stil... Sun, 21 Feb 2016 18:24:55 EST 32 - Starting week 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6085382 SW 205.1 <BR> CW 195.1 <BR> <BR> I'm down 10 pounds! Woo Hoo! <BR> <BR> As a result, some additional changes that have taken place in 4 weeks as a simple result of following the 21-Day-Fix plan: <BR> 1) No sugar <BR> 2) No coffee - occasionally, yes...but I'm not relying on it <BR> 3) No fast food <BR> 4) No bloating or feeling stuffed, no going to bed in pain <BR> 5) Minimal cravings <BR> <BR> When it comes to my appetite, I feel great. I have had a few days here and there where I eat m... Mon, 1 Feb 2016 23:05:14 EST 25 - Day 1 of Round 2 - 21 day fix http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6078981 SW: 205.1 <BR> CW: 196.9 <BR> Total weight loss for first round = 8.2 lbs <BR> <BR> I am so pleased with how I did on this first round of the 21-day-fix. 8.2 lbs down, with the first week showing the biggest loss and the second and third weeks averaging about 1.5 pounds lost, which is great. <BR> <BR> Round 2 starts today :) <BR> <BR> I know that exercise is my biggest hurdle right now. I've said it all along - I'm the kind that will either work out like a fiend and not watch my food... Mon, 25 Jan 2016 17:15:16 EST 11 - back to work tomorrow http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6067098 It has been a good few days off at home and I'm happy to report that there was no binging and I mostly stuck to my plan. I did get a bit side-tracked by chocolate bits in shiny wrapper - NOT happy that DH didn't take them with him. So yeah, I ate those. I failed that test. Maybe next time this sort of thing happens I'll toss them or go give them to the neighbor's kids. <BR> <BR> I've been doing a decent job tracking and using my little boxes. I am all ready for the work week of Tuesda... Mon, 11 Jan 2016 21:17:49 EST 9 - doing well and feeling confident! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6065210 SW: 105 <BR> CW: 199.1 <BR> <BR> I am pretty darn pleased with how the 21-day-fix is going. I would say I could tighten up a bit on actually measuring EVERYTHING in my little boxes and need to do better about getting all of my water and veggies in, but generally...not bad for one week in! <BR> <BR> I struggled a bit at work on my first long shift - I wasn't well prepared. I went too long between meals. On my second and third day, I ate breakfast and lunch (both included carbs) and I did ... Sat, 9 Jan 2016 20:35:09 EST 3 - better day, less bloat http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6059155 SW: 205.1 <BR> CW: 202.8 <BR> <BR> I decided to see how much weight I've lost just with a solid 2 days of being better with food - lost 3 pounds of bloat. Obviously, it isn't real weight loss. But it already feels better to not be in constant pain. It feels good to go to bed and be able to breath - but I have to say, it will take time to get used to not always feeling full. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I start the 21-Day-Fix officially. I have plenty of food for the week. It will be hard to get ... Sun, 3 Jan 2016 18:09:29 EST 2 - getting going http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6058378 Today was Day 2 of the 21-day-fix...I'm probably going to restart the count on Monday, because apparently that is when my SIL and brother are starting and we're doing it together. They invited me over today to go to a movie and then to happy hour. I really wanted to go, but decided not to, because I knew what would happen: I would decide that since we're all starting together on Monday, it wouldn't be such a big deal to put it off another few days. <BR> <BR> But I'd already started and yes... Sat, 2 Jan 2016 21:00:39 EST 1 - a fresh start feels good, 21 day fix http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6056999 SW 205.1 <BR> CW 205.1 <BR> <BR> I hate being that person who makes a NY Resolution, but I'm doing it this year! <BR> <BR> My SIL got me into the idea of doing the 21-day-fix program. We didn't buy the work out videos and fancy shakes, but we were able to buy only the portion control kit. <BR> <BR> So for anyone who isn't familiar with the program, it is basically a tool to help with portion control rather than counting calories. It reminds me of using WW. So you basically get a certain... Fri, 1 Jan 2016 13:14:08 EST 203 - not sure how that happened http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6047524 Wow, so I'm up 4 pounds since last week. I'd like to say I don't know how that happened and call it water weight, lol. <BR> <BR> But right now, as I said on my last blog, I'm working on accountability. Showing up and putting it out there. Not ignoring that I'm up 4 pounds. Taking the time to look at the last week and assess what allowed me to gain so much weight. Where have I erred? <BR> <BR> Here it is: <BR> <BR> 1) Far too much popcorn - I love oil-popped popcorn. Always white ker... Mon, 14 Dec 2015 19:08:06 EST 199.3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6043388 Well, gosh. I must "re-invent" how I'm going to finally get this done at least once every 3 months. <BR> <BR> I've spent the last hour just going through other SP pages and what I'm finding is that almost NOBODY actually makes progress straight down. Every single person struggles and has ups and downs. Something that sticks out is that each person has created a routine of accountability. Sometimes the exercise isn't great. Sometimes the food isn't great. But they always stay accountabl... Sun, 6 Dec 2015 19:09:30 EST 32 - doing ok http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6040117 First off, thank you to everyone for their support...I disappeared a bit longer than I had planned to after saying goodbye to Shandi. But here I am. I have her ashes back now, and that makes me happy. She is here, with us. <BR> <BR> I've had 5 days off, including Thansgiving. Mostly, I watched TV. I took Blue on some good walks. I've been really trying to rest my back. I really, really hurt it looking after Shandi. I threw my back out to the point where there would be times where I'd... Mon, 30 Nov 2015 15:35:53 EST 18 - See you...Shandi. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6033296 Last night I let go of my baby girl, my sweetest puppy, a huge piece of my heart. <BR> <BR> I had a point with her at which I wasn't going to continue, and when she reached it...and didn't bounce back, it was time to let her go. <BR> <BR> Ten years ago, we drove out to a breeder in Hillsboro, OR that had posted this puppy in the newspaper, that she was supposed to be "culled", but she'd give her to anyone who wanted her. We drove out that night and watched first her mom come through the ... Mon, 16 Nov 2015 19:52:53 EST 11 - First Step - no fast food, no packaged snacks http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6029535 I think this has to be a no-brainer. <BR> <BR> I absolutely KNOW FOR A FACT that fast food has contributed greatly to my weight gain. <BR> <BR> There are a couple of foods that I go for at the drive-thru if I'm not feeling like cooking or if I'm tired: <BR> McDonald's Chicken Nuggets (10-piece with 1 dipping sauce - about 500 calories) <BR> Carne Asada Burrito from the local 24-hour Mexican drive-thru (this is infrequent, but it happens ~ 900 calories) <BR> Mongolian beef from the Chinese p... Mon, 9 Nov 2015 22:28:25 EST 10 - small steps, rinse and repeat? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6028961 So thank you so much to everyone for their insight on my last blog. Sometimes I just need that kind of reminder! <BR> <BR> I am guilty of always wanting to make huge leaps and bounds - I'm going to lose 10 pounds a month, I'm going to get up 7 days a week and exercise in the morning, I'm going to eat perfectly every single day (and if I'm don't, it's shot, right?). You know how it goes. <BR> <BR> Ok, so how do I pare these goals down? Long term vs. short term? Starting with small chan... Sun, 8 Nov 2015 22:01:15 EST 4 - do you deserve to lose the weight? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6025653 I think that one of the biggest lessons that I'm getting out of The Biggest Loser is that most of these people don't quite "get it" until they make an emotional break through. Sure, they have trainers and god only knows what they do to get the weight loss that they achieve every week. Let's just say I 100% believe they do something naughty in the last 24-48 hours to get more weight loss...diuretics? Starve themselves? Who knows. <BR> <BR> But I do see that what they all have in common is t... Mon, 2 Nov 2015 21:33:41 EST 3 - binging on the biggest loser http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6025018 Wow, I can't remember the last time I watched this show...it is addicting! What I have mainly gotten out of it is that if THEY can do it, then I can do it. I'm excited to get to my goal. <BR> <BR> I have a new goal - April 20. My parents are coming to visit and I'd love to surprise them with a new me! This is also when I'll be taking my exam in acupuncture, so I figured it would help to keep me on track. <BR> <BR> I didn't end up going to the party yesterday - primarily to avoid the f... Sun, 1 Nov 2015 22:52:18 EST 1 - Feeling good today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6023915 Well, I'm nothing if not consistent...consistent about being inconsistent on this journey! <BR> <BR> My new mantra is: IT IS WHAT IT IS. <BR> <BR> It isn't because I'm throwing my hands in the air and not trying, it is because it is time to let go of the past, forgive myself and move forward. <BR> <BR> You know how sometimes it just seems like right as you're feeling that motivation building, something happens to knock you down? I threw my back out 2 weeks ago and just as I was getting be... Fri, 30 Oct 2015 21:43:26 EST Week 2 update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5978953 Yeah, so Week 2 - I guess my updates and logging in to SP will be once a week. That seems to make the most sense for me. When I'm working, I do nothing but work, take care of the pets and sleep. <BR> <BR> So this week my low weight was 191.8. I had decided that I'd have a cheat meal at the end of the week (today) if I did well all week. So the first thing that I noticed once I was "good", is that the scale started moving. I haven't been counting calories, but I've been saying no to th... Sun, 16 Aug 2015 12:58:00 EST Updates, etc. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5975406 Weight == no change. I fluctuate between 191-195, clothes are tight, feel really uncomfortable, etc. I cancelled the gym because quite honestly, if after 1 year I'm not doing what it takes, I don't deserve to have a membership. It's going to have to be up to me to get the exercise in at home and if, at some point, I'm doing so great that the next level is joining a gym, I'll join up again. For now, I have a lot of work to do on my own. <BR> <BR> Food == a struggle. I keep going back and... Mon, 10 Aug 2015 15:34:12 EST Finally a day off and planning my week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5938097 Boy, it felt good to have a day off after an almost 70-hour work week. I've been working a lot of extra days to help out and because it means more money. Heck, if DH is working so hard, why not do the same? We have so many goals that require that $$$, I'm ok with having fewer days off. We have some new doctors joining in July, so I probably won't have to pick up too many extra shifts after that. I still told them I'd be happy to help when needed. <BR> <BR> Today I didn't do much - I was ... Mon, 1 Jun 2015 20:41:06 EST Small steps - 190.5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5937466 I think I've finally dropped the extra water weight from all of the binging. I was happy to see this number when I got on the scale. My focus right now is to get back under 190. I'll work on under 180 after that. <BR> <BR> Today I drove to work listening to Pandora on my phone. I've recently been listening to a lot of Radiohead, Bon Iver and others. My favorite group these days is Other Lives. They aren't well known, but you should check them out. They are fantastic. Anyway, Other ... Sun, 31 May 2015 20:41:53 EST Trip and updates - 192.4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5937232 Gosh, it's been a long time again. I have to thank the people who have recently reached out...it was an amazing reminder that there are people out there that actually want to see me succeed. I know my friends here have been thinking of me and hoping I'll come back with the same enthusiasm I used to have (so, so long ago). <BR> <BR> So last I blogged, I was about 7 weeks away from the EPIC trip back home to which I had been looking forward. Well, I will admit that I went having lost no wei... Sun, 31 May 2015 11:00:51 EST Day 37 - less than 7 weeks to go http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5870979 I love my new work schedule but it was hard to get to the gym yesterday and today - I couldn't do it. Bootcamp was apparently amazing and I missed out. Monday starts a new week of Bootcamp since none on the weekend, and I really need to stick to going every day until I go to Israel. I keep breaking down after 2-3 days of being good. Today I stayed in bed all day because it was so cold and rainy, but has time for DQ drive thru (blizzard) as I'm having the hardest time kicking the sugar ag... Fri, 6 Feb 2015 23:41:10 EST Day 26 - running out of time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5863307 Ugh, I need to take control!!! I am running out of time, just under 8 weeks until we go to Israel and I am not following the plan! I said I'd eat clean and not slip up, remind myself how great it'll feel to go there 20 pounds lighter. But the time is ticking by and I am not doing what I need to do to get there. Today was terrible. When I'm sick I eat so much because I can't taste anything and I feel like I'm always looking for something to taste good and when it doesn't, I move on to some... Mon, 26 Jan 2015 21:30:58 EST Day 25 - sick http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5862534 Work was crazy busy today! Sundays are always nuts, but today was especially so. It says something when you feel like you don't see any of the 5-6 other doctors all day. It means we are all busy, busy, busy! I didn't have to deal with too much "badness" today. Mostly, it was routine. Sad days take their toll. I am nursing a cold again. I'm happy I haven't had to call in sick to work. I ended up getting the schedule I asked for, which I'm happy about. I hope I'm not stepping on any t... Sun, 25 Jan 2015 22:12:59 EST Day 24 - it's time for some scheduling http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5861892 Honestly, if I don't schedule the time, I won't do it (namely, clean or get on SP). So, it's time to develop a daily schedule. <BR> <BR> Exercise is going great and I'm down a bit more this week. Adding more cardio appears to be helping. <BR> <BR> Nothing else seems to be going well for us, so everything is in a holding pattern. I'm trying to come out of my shell a bit, trying not to avoid the rest of the world because of my problems. Facebook is still off-limits for me, but I did cre... Sat, 24 Jan 2015 22:50:19 EST Day 14 - having trouble finding balance http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5854635 This whole journey is a lot about balance...how do you do it? Is there a formula for the balancing act to succeed? <BR> <BR> I feel like if exercise is great, food isn't and I can't figure out how to burn a lot of calories and eat enough food to feel good but not so much that I'm binging or not so little that I'm starving. Exercise makes the eating harder, sometimes. I need to figure out that balance. I do ok in the AM with a protein shake, by afternoon I'm hungry but can keep myself comf... Wed, 14 Jan 2015 22:03:02 EST Day 8 - a bit better http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5849874 Today, in particular, was a good day. I was on surgery all day and pretty much cut something from 8:30 am until 4 pm. I think I did about 15-20 spays, 5 neuters and 3 dentals. Busy, busy, busy! All of my patients did great and the surgeries went smoothly for the most part - and what didn't, was fixable (kittens have tiny uteri that like to tear). I even got out of work on time at 6 am. <BR> <BR> I WAS bummed this morning because I've decided to start an exercise streak, but didn't go to... Thu, 8 Jan 2015 22:50:50 EST Day 4 - feeling really stuck http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5845445 I wrote it all out and then erased it. I can't put these sorts of thoughts out there. I need to stay positive. <BR> <BR> At home today and tomorrow - planning on doing some cooking, laundry and cleaning. <BR> <BR> All I can do for now is get on here and write what I can, right? Just sticking with it. <BR> Sun, 4 Jan 2015 09:31:34 EST Day 1 - anything is possible http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5843268 I suppose I could look back at 2014 and think about all of the hopes I had for the year that didn't come to fruition, all of the goals I made and didn't stick to and generally the depression that I felt this last year. It has not been a good year, emotionally. Strictly emotionally. I struggled a lot with depression and dark thoughts, and even as I write this nothing has magically changed with the new year. <BR> <BR> Alas, it's time to put 2014 behind me and focus on 2015. I don't think... Thu, 1 Jan 2015 20:38:45 EST 213 - it's that time of year...again. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5840830 Here we go, huh? It's that time of year. <BR> <BR> I have one Spark Goal for this year: be involved and lose weight, focusing 100% of my Spark effort on fitness and health. <BR> <BR> I have a lot going on in my life right now and I struggle with putting it all out there vs. bottling it all up. For now, I'm bottling it all up because I think that if I tried to talk about it, a whole lot would spill out and I think someone would call the authorities and get me committed, LOL. <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 29 Dec 2014 20:43:06 EST 204 - how do you relax? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5836058 Is there something wrong with me? Is it unreasonable to get home at 7 pm and feel like I have time enough to barely eat, shower and go to bed? Is the 3 hours before bed time really not enough to find some relaxation? <BR> <BR> What do you do? Bath? Wine? <BR> <BR> I pretty much get home, clean a bit, take care of the pets, eat dinner, watch some TV and go to bed...but I never feel like I'm "unwinding" after a hard day. Should I start to meditate? Read more? What? <BR> <BR> I'm going to... Sat, 20 Dec 2014 22:10:12 EST 200 - reality vs. imagination + making it count. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5834065 Even though I'm proud of a lot: 1) on Paleo again 2) hitting the gym 3) focusing on fitness...I'm remembering that when I "imagine" that I'm make serious changes and doing great, "reality" hits. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1425425313.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Here I am at our holiday work party. I cropped out the beer, lol...it was just taken as a joke after I donned the fake hair and elf hat from the elephant gift swap (or whatever that weird gift exchange thing is... Tue, 16 Dec 2014 19:24:46 EST 199 - Boot Camp http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833366 Kinda bummed about it...our old instructor is gone. One minute she was there, the next...not. I'm actually pretty unhappy about how it went down - everyone else at the gym was just saying "She's tired", "She's out of town", until finally someone finally admitted she was gone. That's such B.S. I was not happy that they lied about it, but whatever. I'm there to lose weight and get fit, not get involved in the drama. <BR> <BR> Well, we have a super nice, new kid doing our boot camp. He ha... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 11:44:11 EST 198 - if you don't succeed, try and try again! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833079 So to start off this blog of Day 198, I went back to Day 1: <BR> <BR> <link>www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo<BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708305 </link> <BR> <BR> I was so optimistic about so much "newness" - my job, the gym, my plan to stay on track with 214 days left until the end of the year. 197 days later I can say that I spent the majority of the time not doing a whole lot, but I can proudly say that I really feel that I am now on track. I hate that it is almost the end ... Sun, 14 Dec 2014 22:10:25 EST 179 - Prepping for Primal/Paleo http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5823022 So I'm feeling great about the gym, but the food is still an issue. I know what works for me and what I enjoy, it is just a matter of getting over the fact that I have to give up so much. But I will have so much to gain: <BR> <BR> 1) more energy <BR> 2) more weight loss <BR> 3) drop sizes <BR> 4) feel better about myself <BR> <BR> In preparation for going primal/paleo again, I've downloaded Mark Sisson's Primal Blueprint to read. I want to go at it this time with a bit more knowledge bac... Tue, 25 Nov 2014 22:24:03 EST 169 - still here! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5817510 I'm so happy to say that I finally seem to be getting a routine together for going to the gym. It is located about 28 miles from home, right near my work. My new routine (I'm proud to say it is a true routine now) is: <BR> <BR> Mon/Wed/Fri - up at 4:30, have breakfast and tea and at the gym for boot-camp at 6 am. That's a 45 minute class. Then, more cardio until about 7:20 if I'm working, then shower, get a latte and at work by 8 am. If I'm not working that day, I do more cardio and hea... Sat, 15 Nov 2014 23:40:53 EST 151 - checking in http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5806588 Well, it's been a while...Nothing new to report and life is pretty much status quo. <BR> <BR> I've been meeting with a trainer once a week and I can now say I'm a few weeks in to a good schedule/routine gym-wise...but food has been tough as a result. We all know the balance is difficult, but I'll find it. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I'm thinking of testing the SP waters again...slowly easing back in. It's closing in on the end of the year and I don't want to reach Jan. 1 having been "off the wagon"... Tue, 28 Oct 2014 22:15:09 EST 103 - Shandi http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5777474 Yesterday was a big day for us...I amputated Shandi's cancer leg (well, I monitored the anesthesia and Zvika held my hand and told me to stop crying). It was a rough night for everyone - she cried a lot and I didn't get more than an hour or two of sleep. <BR> <BR> But then she suddenly stood up on her own and went potty, had some breakfast, and has been sleeping on/off all day. What a trooper and how resilient these animals are! <BR> <BR> I have fought (and won) the urge to just splurge a... Wed, 10 Sep 2014 20:40:56 EST 96 - eek. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5773007 Ooof. That was a really bad place I was in 6 days ago. My apologies. My intention is never to "up and leave". I plan on being my own success story. <BR> <BR> Anyway, here's where I'm at now: <BR> <BR> 1 - first session with personal trainer yesterday...feeling it today. We meet once a week, which leave me with 2 more days of strength training and 2-3 days of cardio that I have to make myself do. I can do that. I have an old treadmill at home, and maybe if I'm good, I'll reward myself... Thu, 4 Sep 2014 00:28:30 EST 90 - Spark Break http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5768810 I'm not giving up, I'm really not. <BR> <BR> I'm just tired of feeling like a Spark Fraud. <BR> <BR> I'll still get on here to check in with Spark Friends, because I've been here long enough to make friends that mean more to me than they know, and I'm not giving up on being their friend. <BR> <BR> If you're interested and would like to be my friend IRL, feel free to add me on Facebook - I try not to spend much time there, either, but still: <BR> <BR> I'm Eddy-Zvika Meese on Facebook. <BR>... Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:53:53 EST 87 - feeling better http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5767038 Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous blog...I try not to dwell on the baby thing all of the time, but I go through these cycles where I just get so overwhelmed by it all. I wish I didn't want it, but I do. <BR> <BR> Anyway, it's time to move on. <BR> <BR> Thank you for the support :) Mon, 25 Aug 2014 23:34:23 EST 84 - overwhelming depression http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5765237 Some days it just happens...I wake up with an overwhelming sense of depression. I know why. Depression is a mental illness and it doesn't really have a whole lot to do with what I have or don't have in life. <BR> <BR> I'm trying hard not to let it push me down and it has been tough not to let it do so today. <BR> <BR> Of course, my biggest source of depression is the lack of children. I know we have a plan, but right now IVF is on hold and I'm back in limbo. AF is due any minute now and... Fri, 22 Aug 2014 23:35:25 EST 82 -new goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763807 Well, last night I stayed with my brother and SIL and we got into a very *loud* argument about weight loss. <BR> <BR> Here is why it got loud: my brother's solution to dieting, weight loss, etc....wait for it...WILLPOWER. <BR> <BR> All. It. Takes. Is. WILLPOWER...he said. <BR> <BR> Anyway. <BR> <BR> His wife and I often commiserate about our weight. She's really gained a lot and I can see that it is really depressing her. She's reached a number I don't think she thought she could even r... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:58:29 EST 81 - a few days off http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5762927 I have today and tomorrow off: <BR> Going to big brother's place this evening for dinner, then staying overnight and getting my hair cut tomorrow in Portland. <BR> Then, back home. <BR> Nothing special, but it is a break from the usual work and monotony. <BR> <BR> Zvika and I have been doing a lot of talking about the future and I'm excited for where life might take us. Zvika's job, although still sucking the life out of us, is at least now "worth it" from a financial point of view. Money ... Tue, 19 Aug 2014 13:24:55 EST 79 - blah Sunday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5761720 Work was terrible. So many terrible cases - like, abuse cases. It amazes me how ignorant people are. Today we saw a Pitbull who died because of FLEAS, as in, flea anemia. Every square inch was covered. He had FLY EGGS in his mouth, like perched along his gum lines. He was emaciated. Yes, animals can die from fleas. <BR> I saw a cat who had been whipped around by his tail - guess what, that breaks the tail. The skin was ripped back and there were maggots living next to his visible spin... Sun, 17 Aug 2014 22:22:20 EST 78 - Saturday off http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5761103 Today I was up at around 7 am, had my tea, showered and then cleaned until about 8:30 (dusting, sweeping, laundry). Had a nice rest of the morning with Zvika and then he went to work at around noon. He's working so hard and thank goodness the money is worth it and it keeps his mind off of his dad, but we're ready for this stage in our lives to be over and enjoy the benefits of a good job. <BR> <BR> I got a bad headache around 1 pm and nursed it the rest of the day. It was pretty hot out, a... Sat, 16 Aug 2014 22:29:09 EST 77 - making progress http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5760624 Yikes, life has been a bit nuts. Work has been insanely busy and I get home every night and CRASH...and ever since I gave up my morning coffee, I'm sleeping in instead of getting up to Spark! <BR> <BR> So what's new - <BR> <BR> I met my personal trainer and got my measurements taken...a lot of numbers in the 40's...ugh. She's very nice and I think we'll hit it off. It will be difficult to get her on board with Paleo, I think, but she has no choice! I have no intention of following the ... Sat, 16 Aug 2014 00:39:36 EST