EDDYMEESE's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=EDDYMEESE EDDYMEESE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Week 2 update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5978953 Yeah, so Week 2 - I guess my updates and logging in to SP will be once a week. That seems to make the most sense for me. When I'm working, I do nothing but work, take care of the pets and sleep. <BR> <BR> So this week my low weight was 191.8. I had decided that I'd have a cheat meal at the end of the week (today) if I did well all week. So the first thing that I noticed once I was "good", is that the scale started moving. I haven't been counting calories, but I've been saying no to th... Sun, 16 Aug 2015 12:58:00 EST Updates, etc. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5975406 Weight == no change. I fluctuate between 191-195, clothes are tight, feel really uncomfortable, etc. I cancelled the gym because quite honestly, if after 1 year I'm not doing what it takes, I don't deserve to have a membership. It's going to have to be up to me to get the exercise in at home and if, at some point, I'm doing so great that the next level is joining a gym, I'll join up again. For now, I have a lot of work to do on my own. <BR> <BR> Food == a struggle. I keep going back and... Mon, 10 Aug 2015 15:34:12 EST Finally a day off and planning my week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5938097 Boy, it felt good to have a day off after an almost 70-hour work week. I've been working a lot of extra days to help out and because it means more money. Heck, if DH is working so hard, why not do the same? We have so many goals that require that $$$, I'm ok with having fewer days off. We have some new doctors joining in July, so I probably won't have to pick up too many extra shifts after that. I still told them I'd be happy to help when needed. <BR> <BR> Today I didn't do much - I was ... Mon, 1 Jun 2015 20:41:06 EST Small steps - 190.5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5937466 I think I've finally dropped the extra water weight from all of the binging. I was happy to see this number when I got on the scale. My focus right now is to get back under 190. I'll work on under 180 after that. <BR> <BR> Today I drove to work listening to Pandora on my phone. I've recently been listening to a lot of Radiohead, Bon Iver and others. My favorite group these days is Other Lives. They aren't well known, but you should check them out. They are fantastic. Anyway, Other ... Sun, 31 May 2015 20:41:53 EST Trip and updates - 192.4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5937232 Gosh, it's been a long time again. I have to thank the people who have recently reached out...it was an amazing reminder that there are people out there that actually want to see me succeed. I know my friends here have been thinking of me and hoping I'll come back with the same enthusiasm I used to have (so, so long ago). <BR> <BR> So last I blogged, I was about 7 weeks away from the EPIC trip back home to which I had been looking forward. Well, I will admit that I went having lost no wei... Sun, 31 May 2015 11:00:51 EST Day 37 - less than 7 weeks to go http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5870979 I love my new work schedule but it was hard to get to the gym yesterday and today - I couldn't do it. Bootcamp was apparently amazing and I missed out. Monday starts a new week of Bootcamp since none on the weekend, and I really need to stick to going every day until I go to Israel. I keep breaking down after 2-3 days of being good. Today I stayed in bed all day because it was so cold and rainy, but has time for DQ drive thru (blizzard) as I'm having the hardest time kicking the sugar ag... Fri, 6 Feb 2015 23:41:10 EST Day 26 - running out of time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5863307 Ugh, I need to take control!!! I am running out of time, just under 8 weeks until we go to Israel and I am not following the plan! I said I'd eat clean and not slip up, remind myself how great it'll feel to go there 20 pounds lighter. But the time is ticking by and I am not doing what I need to do to get there. Today was terrible. When I'm sick I eat so much because I can't taste anything and I feel like I'm always looking for something to taste good and when it doesn't, I move on to some... Mon, 26 Jan 2015 21:30:58 EST Day 25 - sick http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5862534 Work was crazy busy today! Sundays are always nuts, but today was especially so. It says something when you feel like you don't see any of the 5-6 other doctors all day. It means we are all busy, busy, busy! I didn't have to deal with too much "badness" today. Mostly, it was routine. Sad days take their toll. I am nursing a cold again. I'm happy I haven't had to call in sick to work. I ended up getting the schedule I asked for, which I'm happy about. I hope I'm not stepping on any t... Sun, 25 Jan 2015 22:12:59 EST Day 24 - it's time for some scheduling http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5861892 Honestly, if I don't schedule the time, I won't do it (namely, clean or get on SP). So, it's time to develop a daily schedule. <BR> <BR> Exercise is going great and I'm down a bit more this week. Adding more cardio appears to be helping. <BR> <BR> Nothing else seems to be going well for us, so everything is in a holding pattern. I'm trying to come out of my shell a bit, trying not to avoid the rest of the world because of my problems. Facebook is still off-limits for me, but I did cre... Sat, 24 Jan 2015 22:50:19 EST Day 14 - having trouble finding balance http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5854635 This whole journey is a lot about balance...how do you do it? Is there a formula for the balancing act to succeed? <BR> <BR> I feel like if exercise is great, food isn't and I can't figure out how to burn a lot of calories and eat enough food to feel good but not so much that I'm binging or not so little that I'm starving. Exercise makes the eating harder, sometimes. I need to figure out that balance. I do ok in the AM with a protein shake, by afternoon I'm hungry but can keep myself comf... Wed, 14 Jan 2015 22:03:02 EST Day 8 - a bit better http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5849874 Today, in particular, was a good day. I was on surgery all day and pretty much cut something from 8:30 am until 4 pm. I think I did about 15-20 spays, 5 neuters and 3 dentals. Busy, busy, busy! All of my patients did great and the surgeries went smoothly for the most part - and what didn't, was fixable (kittens have tiny uteri that like to tear). I even got out of work on time at 6 am. <BR> <BR> I WAS bummed this morning because I've decided to start an exercise streak, but didn't go to... Thu, 8 Jan 2015 22:50:50 EST Day 4 - feeling really stuck http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5845445 I wrote it all out and then erased it. I can't put these sorts of thoughts out there. I need to stay positive. <BR> <BR> At home today and tomorrow - planning on doing some cooking, laundry and cleaning. <BR> <BR> All I can do for now is get on here and write what I can, right? Just sticking with it. <BR> Sun, 4 Jan 2015 09:31:34 EST Day 1 - anything is possible http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5843268 I suppose I could look back at 2014 and think about all of the hopes I had for the year that didn't come to fruition, all of the goals I made and didn't stick to and generally the depression that I felt this last year. It has not been a good year, emotionally. Strictly emotionally. I struggled a lot with depression and dark thoughts, and even as I write this nothing has magically changed with the new year. <BR> <BR> Alas, it's time to put 2014 behind me and focus on 2015. I don't think... Thu, 1 Jan 2015 20:38:45 EST 213 - it's that time of year...again. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5840830 Here we go, huh? It's that time of year. <BR> <BR> I have one Spark Goal for this year: be involved and lose weight, focusing 100% of my Spark effort on fitness and health. <BR> <BR> I have a lot going on in my life right now and I struggle with putting it all out there vs. bottling it all up. For now, I'm bottling it all up because I think that if I tried to talk about it, a whole lot would spill out and I think someone would call the authorities and get me committed, LOL. <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 29 Dec 2014 20:43:06 EST 204 - how do you relax? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5836058 Is there something wrong with me? Is it unreasonable to get home at 7 pm and feel like I have time enough to barely eat, shower and go to bed? Is the 3 hours before bed time really not enough to find some relaxation? <BR> <BR> What do you do? Bath? Wine? <BR> <BR> I pretty much get home, clean a bit, take care of the pets, eat dinner, watch some TV and go to bed...but I never feel like I'm "unwinding" after a hard day. Should I start to meditate? Read more? What? <BR> <BR> I'm going to... Sat, 20 Dec 2014 22:10:12 EST 200 - reality vs. imagination + making it count. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5834065 Even though I'm proud of a lot: 1) on Paleo again 2) hitting the gym 3) focusing on fitness...I'm remembering that when I "imagine" that I'm make serious changes and doing great, "reality" hits. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l1425425313.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Here I am at our holiday work party. I cropped out the beer, lol...it was just taken as a joke after I donned the fake hair and elf hat from the elephant gift swap (or whatever that weird gift exchange thing is... Tue, 16 Dec 2014 19:24:46 EST 199 - Boot Camp http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833366 Kinda bummed about it...our old instructor is gone. One minute she was there, the next...not. I'm actually pretty unhappy about how it went down - everyone else at the gym was just saying "She's tired", "She's out of town", until finally someone finally admitted she was gone. That's such B.S. I was not happy that they lied about it, but whatever. I'm there to lose weight and get fit, not get involved in the drama. <BR> <BR> Well, we have a super nice, new kid doing our boot camp. He ha... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 11:44:11 EST 198 - if you don't succeed, try and try again! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833079 So to start off this blog of Day 198, I went back to Day 1: <BR> <BR> <link>www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo<BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708305 </link> <BR> <BR> I was so optimistic about so much "newness" - my job, the gym, my plan to stay on track with 214 days left until the end of the year. 197 days later I can say that I spent the majority of the time not doing a whole lot, but I can proudly say that I really feel that I am now on track. I hate that it is almost the end ... Sun, 14 Dec 2014 22:10:25 EST 179 - Prepping for Primal/Paleo http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5823022 So I'm feeling great about the gym, but the food is still an issue. I know what works for me and what I enjoy, it is just a matter of getting over the fact that I have to give up so much. But I will have so much to gain: <BR> <BR> 1) more energy <BR> 2) more weight loss <BR> 3) drop sizes <BR> 4) feel better about myself <BR> <BR> In preparation for going primal/paleo again, I've downloaded Mark Sisson's Primal Blueprint to read. I want to go at it this time with a bit more knowledge bac... Tue, 25 Nov 2014 22:24:03 EST 169 - still here! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5817510 I'm so happy to say that I finally seem to be getting a routine together for going to the gym. It is located about 28 miles from home, right near my work. My new routine (I'm proud to say it is a true routine now) is: <BR> <BR> Mon/Wed/Fri - up at 4:30, have breakfast and tea and at the gym for boot-camp at 6 am. That's a 45 minute class. Then, more cardio until about 7:20 if I'm working, then shower, get a latte and at work by 8 am. If I'm not working that day, I do more cardio and hea... Sat, 15 Nov 2014 23:40:53 EST 151 - checking in http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5806588 Well, it's been a while...Nothing new to report and life is pretty much status quo. <BR> <BR> I've been meeting with a trainer once a week and I can now say I'm a few weeks in to a good schedule/routine gym-wise...but food has been tough as a result. We all know the balance is difficult, but I'll find it. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I'm thinking of testing the SP waters again...slowly easing back in. It's closing in on the end of the year and I don't want to reach Jan. 1 having been "off the wagon"... Tue, 28 Oct 2014 22:15:09 EST 103 - Shandi http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5777474 Yesterday was a big day for us...I amputated Shandi's cancer leg (well, I monitored the anesthesia and Zvika held my hand and told me to stop crying). It was a rough night for everyone - she cried a lot and I didn't get more than an hour or two of sleep. <BR> <BR> But then she suddenly stood up on her own and went potty, had some breakfast, and has been sleeping on/off all day. What a trooper and how resilient these animals are! <BR> <BR> I have fought (and won) the urge to just splurge a... Wed, 10 Sep 2014 20:40:56 EST 96 - eek. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5773007 Ooof. That was a really bad place I was in 6 days ago. My apologies. My intention is never to "up and leave". I plan on being my own success story. <BR> <BR> Anyway, here's where I'm at now: <BR> <BR> 1 - first session with personal trainer yesterday...feeling it today. We meet once a week, which leave me with 2 more days of strength training and 2-3 days of cardio that I have to make myself do. I can do that. I have an old treadmill at home, and maybe if I'm good, I'll reward myself... Thu, 4 Sep 2014 00:28:30 EST 90 - Spark Break http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5768810 I'm not giving up, I'm really not. <BR> <BR> I'm just tired of feeling like a Spark Fraud. <BR> <BR> I'll still get on here to check in with Spark Friends, because I've been here long enough to make friends that mean more to me than they know, and I'm not giving up on being their friend. <BR> <BR> If you're interested and would like to be my friend IRL, feel free to add me on Facebook - I try not to spend much time there, either, but still: <BR> <BR> I'm Eddy-Zvika Meese on Facebook. <BR>... Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:53:53 EST 87 - feeling better http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5767038 Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous blog...I try not to dwell on the baby thing all of the time, but I go through these cycles where I just get so overwhelmed by it all. I wish I didn't want it, but I do. <BR> <BR> Anyway, it's time to move on. <BR> <BR> Thank you for the support :) Mon, 25 Aug 2014 23:34:23 EST 84 - overwhelming depression http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5765237 Some days it just happens...I wake up with an overwhelming sense of depression. I know why. Depression is a mental illness and it doesn't really have a whole lot to do with what I have or don't have in life. <BR> <BR> I'm trying hard not to let it push me down and it has been tough not to let it do so today. <BR> <BR> Of course, my biggest source of depression is the lack of children. I know we have a plan, but right now IVF is on hold and I'm back in limbo. AF is due any minute now and... Fri, 22 Aug 2014 23:35:25 EST 82 -new goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763807 Well, last night I stayed with my brother and SIL and we got into a very *loud* argument about weight loss. <BR> <BR> Here is why it got loud: my brother's solution to dieting, weight loss, etc....wait for it...WILLPOWER. <BR> <BR> All. It. Takes. Is. WILLPOWER...he said. <BR> <BR> Anyway. <BR> <BR> His wife and I often commiserate about our weight. She's really gained a lot and I can see that it is really depressing her. She's reached a number I don't think she thought she could even r... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 19:58:29 EST 81 - a few days off http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5762927 I have today and tomorrow off: <BR> Going to big brother's place this evening for dinner, then staying overnight and getting my hair cut tomorrow in Portland. <BR> Then, back home. <BR> Nothing special, but it is a break from the usual work and monotony. <BR> <BR> Zvika and I have been doing a lot of talking about the future and I'm excited for where life might take us. Zvika's job, although still sucking the life out of us, is at least now "worth it" from a financial point of view. Money ... Tue, 19 Aug 2014 13:24:55 EST 79 - blah Sunday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5761720 Work was terrible. So many terrible cases - like, abuse cases. It amazes me how ignorant people are. Today we saw a Pitbull who died because of FLEAS, as in, flea anemia. Every square inch was covered. He had FLY EGGS in his mouth, like perched along his gum lines. He was emaciated. Yes, animals can die from fleas. <BR> I saw a cat who had been whipped around by his tail - guess what, that breaks the tail. The skin was ripped back and there were maggots living next to his visible spin... Sun, 17 Aug 2014 22:22:20 EST 78 - Saturday off http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5761103 Today I was up at around 7 am, had my tea, showered and then cleaned until about 8:30 (dusting, sweeping, laundry). Had a nice rest of the morning with Zvika and then he went to work at around noon. He's working so hard and thank goodness the money is worth it and it keeps his mind off of his dad, but we're ready for this stage in our lives to be over and enjoy the benefits of a good job. <BR> <BR> I got a bad headache around 1 pm and nursed it the rest of the day. It was pretty hot out, a... Sat, 16 Aug 2014 22:29:09 EST 77 - making progress http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5760624 Yikes, life has been a bit nuts. Work has been insanely busy and I get home every night and CRASH...and ever since I gave up my morning coffee, I'm sleeping in instead of getting up to Spark! <BR> <BR> So what's new - <BR> <BR> I met my personal trainer and got my measurements taken...a lot of numbers in the 40's...ugh. She's very nice and I think we'll hit it off. It will be difficult to get her on board with Paleo, I think, but she has no choice! I have no intention of following the ... Sat, 16 Aug 2014 00:39:36 EST 73 - everything in its little box http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5757971 <em>67</em> <em>67</em> <em>67</em> <BR> It has been crazy hot here (well, for Oregon)...thank goodness for my air conditioner! The dogs enjoy it the most. It is on all day for them and then when we get home the house is nice and cool. The dogs probably don't have to have it, but it feels good to walk into a cool house. <BR> <BR> <em>52</em> <BR> <BR> I have been doing a fairly good job of using my 'tools' to keep my head on straight - I think it helps me to compartmentaliz... Tue, 12 Aug 2014 01:31:18 EST 72 - not much to say http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5756864 Nothing bad, nothing good. <BR> <BR> All is status quo. <BR> <BR> Have a nice week! Sun, 10 Aug 2014 11:50:52 EST 68 - good few days off http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5754658 I've gotten the house cleaned and organized, attacking my areas per FlyLady. <BR> <BR> I've been eating Paleo, but still OVER eating. <BR> <BR> I've thought a lot about the comments I received on yesterday's blog and I think that my major problem is that I'm addicted to eating - just the act of it. I can binge on anything, whether it is mushroom ravioli or Paleo-approved foods. I thought about the idea that I'm not addicted to FOOD, but to EATING. My brother is addicted to food - he is a... Wed, 6 Aug 2014 20:49:09 EST 67 - hanging in http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5754024 Beck day 11 - hunger vs. desire vs. craving <BR> <BR> HUNGER - stomach is empty, it's time to fill it. <BR> Honestly, when I've been at or anywhere near my goal weight, I experience hunger. These days, at my weight, I never feel hunger. I don't get up and feel hungry. I don't get hungry towards lunch time. I do get hungry toward dinner time, but never so hungry that I couldn't just go to sleep. The reason: I'm always eating. <BR> <BR> DESIRE - not hungry, but there is food around...and... Wed, 6 Aug 2014 00:02:41 EST Paleo Perfect! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752571 I had to share :) <BR> <BR> I got a tri-tip from Costco and threw in some organic chicken legs I also got there on sale for 1.99/lb. I added a bit of seasoning. <BR> <BR> I was tossing around what to eat as a side. I've been REALLY over-doing the mashed potatoes. So I started to make a spinach salad and instead, sauteed it and then threw in some Trader Joe's pesto! It was AMAZING. <BR> <BR> Lesson: pesto is a great way to spruce up any meal! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.spark... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 23:45:15 EST Day 65 - catch up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752240 Sorry for yet another disappearing act, as life throws us another curve ball to deal with. In any case, I'm doing fine with Paleo again after an emotional binge-fest (post curve ball) and I've been back on track again since Friday. <BR> <BR> Life in general is going on hold for a few months, so the house "sprucing" will have to go back on the back burner, but I did make one little change. I love nothing more than the "shabby-chic" look, but this look is far more shabby than chic, but it'll... Sun, 3 Aug 2014 12:23:00 EST 59/40 - Beck day 9/10 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5748909 DAY 59 - BECK DAY 9 - CHOOSE AN EXERCISE PLAN <BR> <BR> <em>521</em> <BR> <BR> I didn't have time to write a blog yesterday, but I did look at Beck day 9, which was to create an exercise plan: <BR> <BR> 10 minutes minimum of organized exercise per day <em>386</em> <BR> (whether cardio, weights, crunches, jumping jacks, etc.) <BR> <BR> Not switching gyms, but going to check out a gym that has a location both down the street from my house and across the street from work - not sure p... Tue, 29 Jul 2014 11:42:29 EST 58 - Beck day 8 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5747460 I love this little guy he was so hilarious! After his neuter we gave him some food (kittens and puppies get low blood glucose rapidly) and we discovered that he sounds like a turkey when he eats! <BR> <BR> Not sure why the video isn't working. Here it is - posted it on YouTube <BR> <BR> <link>youtu.be/CDvi2wO2Mw8 </link> <BR> <BR> I'm feeling very much like working on organization and decluttering to help with the home situation. I'm going to follow along with FlyLady here: <BR> <BR> ... Sun, 27 Jul 2014 11:06:33 EST 57 - Beck day 7 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5746852 Beck day 7 - arrange your environment <BR> 1 - clean out fridge - right now 99% Paleo <BR> 2 - pantry - I have a lot of quinoa and flour and stuff like that but none of it appeals to me so I'm ok with keeping that stuff around for DH <BR> 3 - rest of the house - this is the most important for me: if I have a neat and clean house, I tend to overall do better. <BR> <BR> I certainly need to work on decluttering again - I have two days off together next week so I'll do it then. <BR> <BR> Yes... Sat, 26 Jul 2014 10:01:28 EST 56 - Beck day 6 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5746383 Nothing much new yesterday, work was fine. I was in surgery from 8 am - 1:30 pm and apparently upset one of the other doctors by busting out all of the surgeries and not leaving her with any. Oops. I just got into a groove and didn't think about it. So I bought her a little bag of Jelly Belly beans, which are shaped like little kitty and puppy ovaries...to signify every ovary I stole from her. She laughed but I felt pretty bad about it. She apparently tried to hint at me, asking if I'd ... Fri, 25 Jul 2014 12:44:43 EST 54 - Beck day 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5745594 Yesterday was a wonderful day. Although we were basically just running "errands", we spent the whole day together and it was wonderful! We had breakfast at a little bar before our first meeting and I had a mushroom omelette with hash-browns, no toast, and water. My quick on-the-road lunch wasn't ideal, but it wasn't bad. It was a tough situation where I was either going to eat something or sit in 2 hours of traffic and starve...those are the times I end up eating ice cream or something ter... Thu, 24 Jul 2014 10:17:36 EST 54 - Beck day 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5744868 Today I have a helper with my blog. Bruce was clearly searching for attention so I set him up next to me on the desk. This is totally normal, people. <BR> <BR> Work was ok yesterday - I got my August schedule and was again disappointed. I keep telling Zvika that I just need to let it go, focus on working and negotiate a better schedule at my 1 year review...but I still find myself getting all worked up. I made the mistake of voicing my frustrations to my colleagues and now I'm feeling ba... Wed, 23 Jul 2014 10:34:15 EST 53 - Beck day 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5744111 Yesterday I woke up with a hideous headache and spent the day nursing it at work. I was on surgery all day, so it was nice to not have to talk to too many clients, although I had to have the other surgery person do the only dog spay we had. It was a slow surgery day. My eyes kept crossing and I wasn't up for major, intra-abdominal surgery (by the way, despite spays being done routinely, it is far from routine!). After all of the surgeries were done, rooms were pretty slow. It was a good ... Tue, 22 Jul 2014 10:01:34 EST 52 - Beck day 3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5743333 Yesterday was another successful day. Food was 100% Paleo and work was great. I did figure out that I get paid salary rather than by hour - I thought my salary was for 45 hours a week and anything I did extra would be more money...but it isn't. That's ok. Like everyone else has said and has done - at my 1 year review I'll negotiate better hours, more pay, etc. Not worried about it now. I'm working a lot and learning a lot. <BR> <BR> Mentally my head was clear most of the day and I didn... Mon, 21 Jul 2014 10:09:26 EST 51 - Beck day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5742621 I feel like I have to start this blog out by sending out thanks - thank you to everyone for sticking with me over the last few weeks and months, even when I haven't been able to reciprocate as I'd like to. I can slowly feel myself starting to stabilize again and I look forward to continuing to catch up with what you've all been up to! <BR> <BR> Shout out to the Argentina football team - Germany really earned it but boy, oh boy, did Argentina put up a fight! Great job :) <BR> <BR> Yesterda... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 10:05:04 EST 41-50 - numbers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5742189 All kinds of numbers are bothering me right now... <BR> <BR> The number of pounds I've gained back. <BR> <BR> The number of days I've been away from SP. <BR> <BR> The number of days I haven't gone to the gym. <BR> <BR> The number of hours I've spent in bed or sitting on the couch. <BR> <BR> The number of pints of Butter Pecan ice cream I've had in the last few months. <BR> <BR> The number of binges I've gone through in the last few months. <BR> <BR> The number of times I've sworn to "g... Sat, 19 Jul 2014 16:01:51 EST 30/31/1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9 - ugh http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5735243 Too much time has passed. <BR> <BR> A lot of badness has happened. <BR> <BR> The dark has been difficult to see through. <BR> <BR> Just taking it one step at a time and making an effort to come back here to at least check in. <BR> <BR> Hope everyone is well. Wed, 9 Jul 2014 10:20:15 EST 29 - busy Sunday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5728644 Kitty with a terrible dog bite on her foot <em>48</em> <BR> <BR> German shepherd with a very deep laceration on her foot caused by sheet metal, severing important tendons and ligaments <em>48</em> <BR> <BR> A puppy with a broken femur <em>42</em> <BR> <BR> A dog with bloat after eating 1.5 pounds of frozen, unrisen bread dough (which was literally rising in his warm, moist stomach) <em>48</em> <BR> <BR> Great, crazy day! <BR> <BR> NSV - went to the gym before work despite tr... Sun, 29 Jun 2014 22:22:16 EST 27/28 - gym isn't so bad http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5727979 I've gone to the gym every work day for the last few days. Nothing happened - I survived each day, the apocalypse didn't arrive, a meteor didn't hit...I guess I can get up a bit early and not suffer too much, lol. <BR> <BR> I used the reclining bike today and it felt good on my butt! But I'm probably going to have to go even earlier because I think I need to give myself time to rinse off before work, otherwise I worry about getting too sweaty and I'm not pushing myself so much. <BR> <BR> ... Sat, 28 Jun 2014 21:42:46 EST