DWILCZKO's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=DWILCZKO DWILCZKO's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ consistency... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5433844 my new therapist suggested "journaling," and i figure i might as well attempt it. however, i tend to have a problem w/ "consistency." i've tried journaling numberous times in the past, but after a while, i guess i lose interest so i stop. i've been going to the gym fairly regularly lately (yay!), but once i stop, it's hard for me to start again...so i'm trying to avoid that! i need to work on consistency-with journaling, exercise, eating better, etc... <BR> <BR> i need to start riding ... Fri, 26 Jul 2013 02:31:48 EST starting over... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5430137 it's been a long time since i've blogged. a lot has happened, but i don't wanna get into that. i need to focus on myself, which means trying to deal w/ my depression and lose weight. i'm back on meds, and i'm starting therapy again this week. i'm scared of having to talk about my divorce, but i know i need to in order to fully move on. i'm trying to be positive and focus on the present (and eventually...on the future). i've been going to the gym usually 3x a week, but i prolly should tr... Tue, 23 Jul 2013 02:12:43 EST nov 21, 2012 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5142837 it's been a while...a long while. i've been doing...not so great. mostly b/c of the divorce and things associated w/ that. <BR> <BR> anyway, my new goal is to lose (at least) 30 lbs before i turn 30 in march. I CAN DO IT! Wed, 21 Nov 2012 19:35:16 EST march 17 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4792411 happy st. patrick's day! <BR> <BR> so i rode my bike today for the first time since last yr. it felt amazing! i loved being out in nature. it didn't even feel like exercise...well, ok, it kinda did, but i enjoyed it. i love that's it breaking record warmth here. i've already gone on a few walks w/ brady. i even bought a wagon to pull him in cuz he's the biggest 4 yr old ever (ppl think he's 7!). i think that will really tone my arms pulling his heavy lil butt. lol. i've been going t... Sat, 17 Mar 2012 18:44:30 EST march 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4769410 a year ago today, my life changed forever. nothing will ever be the same. i'm trying to be strong and move forward, but it's still hard. it's still hard to talk about. i wish it was all just a bad dream, and i could wake up and everything would be the way it was before... :( Sun, 4 Mar 2012 00:19:25 EST feb 29 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4762590 gratitude list: <BR> <BR> 1. my son <BR> 2. my parents (and i guess my brother) <BR> 3. my friends (the ones that are there for me) <BR> 4. having a job that i love...sometimes <BR> 5. remaining strong thru a hell of a year...the worst year ever, but things will start to get better soon Wed, 29 Feb 2012 00:35:00 EST feb 25 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4756493 feeling kinda sick lately, but i have a dr appt next week. too much stress. i'm feeling overwhelmed. i keep feeling like things get worse, but they always do. i'm trying so hard to stay positive. i have to focus on myself again and be happy. Sat, 25 Feb 2012 12:28:42 EST feb 10 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4733118 this has been a really stressful, emotional week for me. just when i thought things were looking up, i got a reality check. feeling miserable again. love hurts. i wish i could go back in time and fix things, but i can't. i dunno what the future holds. i'm upset and angry and really hurt right now. i just have to take it one day at a time. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 23:42:18 EST feb 9 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4731501 it's been a while! but i'm back! i've been thru so much, and i'm still going thru a lot, but i don't wanna get into that. i am in therapy, so i do have an outlet for my feelings and emotions. i'm slowly easing back into spark. i haven't really worked out much in months. i haven't been eating as well as i should. but my goal is to start working out again and eating better and lose more weight! i can't wait til it's warm out so i can start taking walks w/ brady again. i'm hanging in th... Thu, 9 Feb 2012 22:35:43 EST nov 7 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4573881 i haven't been blogging as regularly cuz i've been fairly depressed. i don't really wanna get into it, but the first court date for the divorce is mon the 14. our attorneys have talked and get alone, and i think we're mostly in agreement, but a few things still need to be worked out. needless to say, i've been crying the past few days and will prolly continue to do so for the forseeable future (even after the 1st court date). i feel so alone. <BR> <BR> i was really sick a few weeks ago... Tue, 8 Nov 2011 00:19:23 EST oct 26 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4553491 i've been sick since thurs w/ a sore throat, but it got so much worse yesterday! and today i could barely talk! i think it's possibly the flu or maybe strep. i just wanna get better so i can get back to the gym! my friend inspired me to start running (outside or on my treadmill at home only). i don't feel comfortable running at the gym since i have asthma and can't do much, so i'll just do it at home. <BR> <BR> last fri, i went downtown w/ a friend to see my fave group (nina sky!) per... Wed, 26 Oct 2011 00:21:35 EST oct 18 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4541918 brady's bday party on saturday was fun. his dad had a bday part for him on sunday (his actual bday). i was sad sunday cuz i didn't have him for his actual bday, plus just thinking about where me and j were 4 yrs ago when he was born to where we are now is just sad. my bro left for the air force yesterday. lots of family drama cuz i've said i hope the air force changes his attitude (our hate-hate relationship). so basically, i am now cutting out my entire extended family cuz i'm sick of a... Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:51:31 EST oct 14 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4535966 tomorrow's the bday party! so tired and stressed! i still have to clean and wrap presents. i got some starbucks to wake me up, but i need to relax for a lil bit before i start doing everything (oh, and laundry too!). have to get the cake tomorrow and decorate, etc... it's so much more stressful doing this myself (i.e. as a single mom). it makes me so sad to think that 4 yrs ago when brady was born, there was so much love between his dad and me, and now everything is different. :( Fri, 14 Oct 2011 20:44:15 EST oct 10 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4529539 i was depressed most of the weekend, but today, brady and i went shopping for party supplies for his bday party on saturday! i can't believe my baby is almost 4! we also went for a bike ride earlier on this new bike trail they built in the forest preserve. my week consists of worrying about his bday: ordering a cake (i hate walmart, but they have cheap, good cakes), CLEANING! (eek!), making goody bags, decorating, finding an outfit for him, getting myself dressed and made up, buying pizzas... Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:26:41 EST oct 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4521415 i haven't been writing much cuz i'm just totally overwhelmed w/ all this divorce stuff. after talking to my therapist, psychiatrist, my lawyer, my friends, etc... i just don't wanna talk about it anymore. but i do wanna say thanks to everybody who reads and posts to my blog/page! i kept my page/blog private for the longest time, but figured maybe a lil support would be nice. i really do appreciate everybody who takes the time out to read and/or comment on my blogs. Wed, 5 Oct 2011 20:04:42 EST oct 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4514028 these up and down emotions are so difficult on me. it sux that my friends all live in the city, and i live in the burbs (w/ my parents...boo). we were supposed to go out last nite cuz brady spent the nite w/ his dad...and of course, everybody cancelled (most w/o even telling me). i was so depressed sitting at home alone w/o my son and nothing to do. i was planning on going to the gym this morning and all this other stuff, but of course, i had no motivation or energy so i slept in. brady'... Sat, 1 Oct 2011 18:16:55 EST sept 25 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4503615 went to the gym today and did weights! yay! <BR> rode my bike today! yay! <BR> went out last nite for a lil bit and actually had FUN! yay! <BR> <BR> i still get sad, but i'm trying really hard to think positive. i'm moving forward, but there are still things holding me back. i know this will be a struggle for a long time. i'm just trying to live in the moment. i'm free and happy, neither of which i've been for a long time. loving life right now! Sun, 25 Sep 2011 20:34:08 EST sept 21 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4497659 the past few days have been really painful for me. i never thought that divorce could hurt this much or suck the life outta me like it has. nobody understands what i'm going thru. there are ppl who have been in somewhat similar situations, but obviously my situation is different from theirs. everybody can deal w/ the same issue, but in a million different ways. i'll cry for a bit, but my meds help mellow me out so i don't feel the pain. i'm supposed to see my therapist tomorrow, and thi... Wed, 21 Sep 2011 23:02:45 EST sept 17 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4490271 got to go out w/ raq last nite! had soooo much fun! i never had a chance to see friends or go out when j was still here. i like being "single/separated" or whatever it's called (court is in nov). it's nice to hear guys say that i'm hot or beautiful or whatever. i'm not used to that, but i like hearing it! <BR> <BR> went to the gym today and did weights! i wanted to ride my bike or walk outside, but i just didn't get a chance. <BR> <BR> i haven't been feeling that good. my mom thi... Sat, 17 Sep 2011 21:51:17 EST sept 13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4483288 one month to brady's fourth bday! i can't wait! still planning, but all my friends said they're coming w/ their kids! j and i are doing separate bday parties. a friend suggested we do one together, "for brady," but our other friend (a child of divorce) said i should do what i thought was right and that she completely agreed w/ me. anyway, i'd like to lose about 10 lbs before then. i have to step up my workouts, no matter how depressed i am. don't wanna talk about the divorce now, but ... Tue, 13 Sep 2011 19:31:58 EST sept 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4465968 ever since i made my blog/profile public, i haven't been blogging as much. plus i just haven't felt like it. my life is a roller coaster. i'm in limbo/hell. what else can i say? <BR> <BR> yesterday would've been our 6 yr anniversary since we met. he already missed our 4 yr wedding anniversary in april and my bday in march. he missed mother's day. i'm ok w/ going forward w/ the divorce, but a lil piece of me feels like this isn't what he wants. he wants ME to apologize and give in, ev... Sun, 4 Sep 2011 15:44:50 EST aug 30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4455759 where do i begin? oh, maybe w/ the fact that yesterday i quit my job. more or less "outta the blue," but i knew it was a long time coming. so now, here i am, an unemployed single mom, who's in the middle of a divorce. i feel so low right now. i took brady for a bike ride, and he loved it. the only "good" thing about quitting is that now i'll have more time for brady. i wanna take more walks and bike rides w/ him before it gets too cold. i wanna take him to the zoo and museums and mayb... Tue, 30 Aug 2011 01:11:34 EST aug 26 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4450572 so sad. i can't even begin to explain why. :( Fri, 26 Aug 2011 23:45:22 EST aug 21 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4442861 too much stress right now. i know i need to let my feelings out, but it's difficult. it won't change anything. :( Mon, 22 Aug 2011 22:32:35 EST august 14 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4427181 feeling blah. i got my period. felt all crampy, but i did walk w/ brady for like 2 hrs on thursday! went to the gym to do weights saturday & walked on treadmill. i was gonna ride my bike yesterday, but it started raining. just feeling really depressed today. Sun, 14 Aug 2011 23:19:43 EST august 7 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4412465 i feel so crappy. i have my ups and downs, and today is definitely a "down" kinda day. can't stop crying. i just wish this was all a bad dream, and i could wake up and everything would be ok. 6 months is a long time. i feel like i really have no choice but to move forward w/ the divorce, but it's still hard. i wish he was sorry. i wish he wanted to fix things. and even if i didn't, at least I could say F U to HIM. i feel so hopeless and helpless and powerless and worthless. i don't ... Sun, 7 Aug 2011 14:36:31 EST august 3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4403680 ok...time to focus on ME and MY GOALS! <BR> <BR> August Goals: <BR> 1. to get down to 170 lbs <BR> 2. get 1000 fitness minutes <BR> 3. ride bike/walk w/ brady more <BR> 4. go to gym 3-4x a week <BR> 5. start waking up early (possibly to ride bike or walk) <BR> 6. start going to sleep by 12:00 or 12:30 am <BR> 7. go to work 5 days a week (take brady sometimes) and/or work more hrs per day <BR> 8. manage money better to be able to help mom and dad financially <BR> 9. take brady out more for fu... Wed, 3 Aug 2011 00:43:42 EST august 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4401331 so i have a case number...for the divorce. it's all so real now. and a court date too. i'm scared. i'm still hoping that jack realizes what a mistake he made and apologizes, but he's still standing his ground. i guess i do deserve better than somebody who left for 5 months, hasn't paid child support or helped w/ bills, missed my bday and our wedding anniversary and mother's day, took pix w/ another girl who's kept them on her fb profile all this time, etc... he'll realize his mistake on... Tue, 2 Aug 2011 00:33:43 EST july 31 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4398094 sometimes, i don't even know what the hell is happening w/ my life right now. i have to just keep moving forward. if a divorce is meant to be, then so be it. once he gets the papers and knows i filed for sure, i wonder what he'll say/do. i'm a lil scared, but i don't care. i'm sick of being alone and being mistreated. i stayed true to my vows. i never once left him. he's not paying me child support or helping w/ OUR bills. he hasn't even apologized in FIVE MONTHS! he says it's MY fa... Sun, 31 Jul 2011 19:00:11 EST july 30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4395147 i've got a cold! i feel so bad and crappy. i'm tired all the time now, even more than usual. i'm trying to take it easy and rest so this cold goes away faster, but i really wanna bike! took a walk w/ brady (fri nite). <BR> <BR> i don't really wanna think about other things. divorce was filed 2 weeks ago, but didn't get the papers from the courthouse. nancy has to drive out there and get them. i think once he has papers, i'll feel better. i don't think he believes i filed. he's sti... Sat, 30 Jul 2011 00:33:44 EST july 27 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4388715 went to the gym (tues nite)!! did weights AND 20 min on the treadmill. it's weird how the less i care about him, the more i'm starting to feel better about myself. i really wanna start working out again and eating better. i've lost some weight from all the stress, but i still have a long way to go. <BR> <BR> it's been 5 months, and i feel (at this moment right now) totally over it. i actually wanna go ahead w/ the divorce. i might change my mind, but he's not giving me what i need or s... Wed, 27 Jul 2011 00:32:01 EST july 24 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4383860 i hate the ups and downs of depression. i'm trying to stay strong, but it's hard. i know that a divorce will be the best thing for me. he doesn't even give me money for bills or child support. he sees his stupid family more than he sees his own son. after 5 months, he's still not sorry and blames me. he's immature and selfish, except when it comes to doing everything for his stupid family, even tho none of them are ever there for him. his bro tries to steal his car (which is in my name... Sun, 24 Jul 2011 23:42:37 EST july 22 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4380021 just got back from the gym! did weights! yay! but i barely did any cardio this week. i guess since the temps have been in the 100s/90s, that's kind of an excuse. gotta get back to doing cardio (biking, walking w/ brady, maybe start running again). i've been eating ok. not as much fast food. hardly any, in fact. still kinda stressed, but overall, i guess i'm ok...for now. Fri, 22 Jul 2011 21:00:20 EST july 19 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4373908 been a while... <BR> <BR> i finally went back to the gym! i did weights, but since i haven't gone in so long, i couldn't do much. but i'm determined to build up my strength again. i've lost about 16 lbs since he left. at least i got something out of a sad situation (the weight loss!). <BR> <BR> on to the divorce...i think he's realizing how much he messed up. he's texting me that he loves me and all that crap. funny how he said he got into a fight w/ his family and isn't talking to th... Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:20:45 EST july 14 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4363451 i have to start going back to the gym! i'd wanna go in the mornings, but it's so hard to wake up! i could bike in the mornings too! all this stress makes me feel so blah. i have no energy or motivation. i'd really like to start going back to the gym. i think i've been eating ok, but i definitely need more fruits and veggies. i hope that i start to feel better soon! Thu, 14 Jul 2011 22:32:29 EST june 10 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4352352 so stressed still. <BR> <BR> no divorce papers filed...yet! gotta wait for the atty to do it, hopefully monday. yes, a part of me wishes him and i could fix things, but a part of me hates and resents him so much + i can't forgive him + i can't trust him anymore. he is such a jerk. he pays for his car, but gives no child support. i have to struggle financially on my own. i'm here crying a lot more frequently, and he's going out to chicago to hang out w/ him fam (and who knows who else)... Sun, 10 Jul 2011 00:52:08 EST july 7 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4346147 i walked w/ brady today! i went to the gym and did weights! yay! i'm starting to lose a half inch here and there! <BR> <BR> on the down side, divorce still looms. shoulda been filed by now, but u can't rush attys. it's hard. i've been crying a lot. i'm miserable, and he's hanging out in chicago w/ his messed up family. it's so not fair. i'm here raising his son and paying bills we accumulated together, but he's just left me to fend for myself. i know my life will be better off w/... Thu, 7 Jul 2011 00:18:04 EST july 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4341511 my goal is to go to the gym at least 3x this week plus to ride my bike/walk w/ brady at least 2-3x this week. i have to eat better (i.e. less fast food!). i was doing well and losing weight, but i worry it's creeping back up. if other ppl can lose weight and look good, then so can i! that'd be the best revenge! :) Mon, 4 Jul 2011 23:33:23 EST july 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4336460 my july resolutions: <BR> <BR> (i don't think i reached my june goal weight of 180/179, but i'm not sure cuz i haven't weighed myself) <BR> <BR> so my end of july goal is to get to 174 (or 169 if i can!). i want to start going to the gym at least 3x a week (doing weights 2x a week). i want to start biking w/ brady after work as much as i can and on weekends. i want to start eating better again! but mostly, i have to get more active. i wanna build up to biking for at least an hour! i w... Sat, 2 Jul 2011 00:20:13 EST june 30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4331918 i've been so tired/fatigued lately...which means no gym (or rarely). everything feels like it's falling apart. i'm so alone and lonely. i'm sad. i'm bored. i feel like a failure. i'm really trying to get better, but it's hard. things are so difficult and painful right now. i just wish the past 4 months never happened. i just want things to be how they were, which is messed up cuz things weren't that great. i'm just so scared of this unfamiliar territory. being alone. filing for di... Thu, 30 Jun 2011 00:29:03 EST june 28 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4329463 things i need to improve upon: <BR> <BR> -being better at work and going more often <BR> <BR> -getting back to the gym at least 3x a week (or more) <BR> <BR> -biking/walking w/ brady, esp during the week (after work) <BR> <BR> -eating better; more fruits and veggies, less processed food <BR> <BR> -going to bed by midnight; waking up at 7 or 8 am and biking for a lil bit b4 work (dream goal!); feeling less tired/stressed; getting more stuff done <BR> <BR> -not procrastinating; possibly p... Tue, 28 Jun 2011 22:51:14 EST june 27 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4327137 still stressed out! went to the gym AND rode my bike on friday. rode my bike sunday. no gym today, but i plan on going tomorrow to do weights. i really have to step it up. baby shower for bridget is less than 2 weeks away!! i wanna look GREAT! i colored my hair and got a haircut today. i bought a few tank tops and work out tees. i know i need to focus on myself. financially, things are tough, but i'm doing my best. i'm trying to keep it together! Mon, 27 Jun 2011 23:04:08 EST june 23 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4318985 still very stressed out! rode my bike a lil sunday night, but haven't been to the gym all week. went once last week and rode my bike 2x last week. i have to get better about that! i can't let my depression take over my life! i have to eat healthy and get to the gym and ride my bike and do whatever i can to be healthy! <BR> <BR> the thought of divorce, the closer i get to filing, actually made me a lil happy today. it's still hard, but i think a fresh start will be good for me. i wanna... Thu, 23 Jun 2011 22:55:13 EST june 19 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4309403 too. much. stress. <BR> <BR> i can't believe it's really coming down to divorce. he's STILL not sorry! 3.5 months. i wish none of this ever happened, but if i have to get a divorce, then that's what i have to do. he can blame me all he wants, but i know it's only minimally my fault. marriage is forever and thru thick and thin. i was always there for him, no matter how many times he left, but he was never there for me. he'll never change. he'll always put his stupid family first. e... Sun, 19 Jun 2011 22:45:41 EST june 17 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4305817 i went to the gym yesterday! yay! i have to get back on track w/ eating better and eating less fast food! i have to start going to the gym more and riding my bike/walking w/ brady. maybe i can start waking up earlier and riding my bike b4 brady wakes up. i have two weeks to get to my end of june goal of 179. i really need to focus. i can't get back into the 190s. i just can't. i've made it this far. i have to keep moving forward-no moving back! the numbers have to keep going down, ... Fri, 17 Jun 2011 22:18:08 EST june 16 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4303794 still feeling stressed. haven't gone to the gym this week...yet. we walked a lot at the zoo on sunday, and i rode my bike on monday. i have to stop eating fast food again! i have to get back on track! i feel so guilty, but i'm always tired and have no motivation or energy. i wanna go to the gym tonight! hope i do! Thu, 16 Jun 2011 22:27:13 EST june 13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4296682 busy weekend! still kinda depressed, but i think i'm getting better...overall. i'm getting stronger emotionally. i have to be. <BR> <BR> went biking today! i think i'm getting a lil bit better each time, but i really gotta step it up. we walked around the zoo all day yesterday, so i guess that counts as exercise too. i need to start eating better again. i'm slowly starting to lose weight...finally! can't wait till i lose some more! yay! Mon, 13 Jun 2011 20:38:31 EST june 10 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4291008 moving onward and upward... <BR> <BR> or downward...in terms of weight, at least! i'm at 186.6! yay! i never ever ever again wanna get back into the 190s. hell, i'd like to get outta the 180s. i'm making progress! overate today, but rode my bike! yay! <BR> <BR> here's to a new beginning/new future! Fri, 10 Jun 2011 22:37:31 EST june 9 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4286901 still kinda stressed, but i'm (oddly enough) feeling at ease w/ the possibility of divorce. i definitely think i'm leaning toward that decision, but i'll give it a lil bit more time. i'm scared, but i know i'll bounce back...eventually. <BR> <BR> anyway...my goal for june is to get to 179, which is about 8 lbs from where i was last week. i've been eating well and going to the gym/riding my bike. i feel pretty good...and happy. i'm almost starting to like the way i look. i think i see a... Thu, 9 Jun 2011 00:57:02 EST june 8 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4284619 i haven't been blogging lately cuz i've just felt so crappy. things are getting serious now. i think i'm ready to a make a decision. i feel like i can't trust him or forgive him for everything he's done. he keeps blaming me and won't take responsibility. i think now that reality is hitting him (almost 14 weeks later), he's getting scared (plus he can't afford a divorce). but i just can't keep going thru this. i'd rather just get a divorce and move on. i'm not gonna keep taking him bac... Wed, 8 Jun 2011 01:10:53 EST