DREVILS's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=DREVILS DREVILS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ It's been a while... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5861833 I'm re-starting my fitness endeavors and I need all the help, community, and support I can get. I'm the heaviest I've ever been at 306. Maybe the scale was just broken. I hope it was. I'll recheck once I invest in a better scale. I've gained 30 lbs since the summer somehow which correlates to the exact amount of time I've been fighting with a friend and feeling sad. And my life isn't in order as I struggle to be considered for schools. My health is the one thing I can take control of in t... Sat, 24 Jan 2015 21:16:15 EST Need some motivation/support http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5259514 I weighed myself for the first time since the summer and I am 30 lbs heavier than I was then. <BR> <BR> :( <BR> <BR> That's still six lbs lighter than when I started, but I feel so sad/upset with myself at the backsliding. <BR> <BR> My birthday is in around 3 weeks and I just feel like, "hey, there went my dream of being 50 lbs lighter for when I turn another year older." <BR> <BR> -36 lbs to -6 <BR> Boo. <BR> <BR> It's unlike me to be so negative about myself, I guess I just needed so... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 03:52:37 EST Don't Compare! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5192382 There is no one like you. <BR> <BR> There will never be anyone like you. <BR> <BR> No one can compare. <BR> <BR> So why are you comparing yourself to others? <BR> <BR> <BR> We all fall victim to this in so many ways. Comparisons are how we give ourselves hope sometimes, "Oh if she can do it, then I can do it." But often, we inadvertently use them to drag ourselves down into a pit of negativity that only requires more work to recover from. So spare yourself the trouble and don't compa... Sat, 5 Jan 2013 23:17:02 EST Hesitation. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5165574 So I've had feelings for my friend, Ken. And I think it's time I finally told him. I had a story that I needed to tell my group of friends in regards to someone who I thought was cute in a fleeting manner, and while he was there, I hesitated. <BR> <BR> I hesitated hard. And it struck me that this sort of behavior was indicative of the impact my feelings have upon our friendship. Worse still, another of our friends pointed out how he hesitates around me at times. Whether it's a mixture of co... Thu, 13 Dec 2012 14:54:38 EST Still Here http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5148521 I'm still here, and thankful for it. Even though I may have gained some weight back, even (not sure, I haven't weighed myself recently). I've been taking classes and doing well and figuring life out and even when things feel up in the air, I can look back on how far I've come and know that I'll be able to continue making changes. <BR> <BR> Moreso, even though I can't see physical size changes (maybe a little bit more of a tummy, who knows) I can feel and see an endurance and stamina differ... Tue, 27 Nov 2012 15:09:33 EST Turning Point http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4970404 So Sparkfriends, I haven't posted in a while. And here's why. <BR> <BR> During my time in school, I was hit by a car. I'm fine! I was banged up a bit then though. This caused me to miss an exam. And then my school decided that because I didn't take the medical leave assigned to me (I wanted to continue and even kept turning up to class) - I was let go. <BR> <BR> This has been devastating. To have worked so hard and come so far, only to let an administrative choice derail my medical career... Sat, 14 Jul 2012 19:34:00 EST Psychic http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4665072 In the course of merrymaking on New Year's Eve, as we were barhopping, a friend spotted a psychic's storefront on the way to our next venue. She squealed and ran in, the rest of us rolled our eyes at one another and joined her reluctantly. <BR> <BR> Since no one had really been stopping in due to the holiday, the ladies there lowered their prices for us. Which is helpful because at least 50% of us were students, and the rest are still in early enough stages of career to not want to simply t... Sat, 7 Jan 2012 22:14:01 EST Home for the Holidays http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4636194 I'm home for the holidays. Well, for 2 weeks anyway. I'm excited to see family and hoping to stay on track. <BR> <BR> Since being away, I've dropped to 259! I'm hoping to lose a bunch more, obviously. But now that means I have less than 100 to go til I reach my goal weight. Which is exciting. I haven't been below 100 lbs to lose in so long. <BR> <BR> Anyway, so for the holidays, remember that it can be done. Even slowly, and without work. I didn't get a chance to excercise much at school ... Fri, 23 Dec 2011 13:19:37 EST Weak/Week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4505824 Time moves quite oddly in medical school. Students will admit to that, for sure. <BR> <BR> Perhaps it's the volume of material that creates the gaps in time and feeling of months drifting by when it's only been days. But we definitely always feel crammed together amongst our other classmates. It makes them family by forcing an intimacy that wouldn't be created under normal circumstances. It's definitely accelerated by a thousand. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I've been having trouble concentrating an... Mon, 26 Sep 2011 22:38:57 EST Personality http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4466037 <BR> To all Spark Friends and such, sorry I haven't been around much lately. <BR> <BR> School has picked up and due to extra exams and such, I'm a bit behind and always trying to bust my butt to catch up. During a holiday weekend, I went for a jog with a friend and my knee twisted a bit, which was no fun, and this was later exacerbated by having to single handedly push my broken down car uphill in the 90 degree weather. <BR> <BR> But luckily, I Macguyvered my way back after the car broke... Sun, 4 Sep 2011 16:37:47 EST Persistence - Dum Spiro, Spero http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4405067 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/6/l762356961.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "Failure is only postponed success as long as courage 'coaches' ambition. The habit of persistence is the habit of victory." <BR> Herbert Kaufman <BR> <BR> <BR> I am about to begin my second year of medical school. There is an exam on Wednesday that helps determine whether I move forward. Scary. <BR> <BR> In lieu of classmates getting dismissed for not trying as hard as they should, I found myself... Wed, 3 Aug 2011 16:13:38 EST +5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4369216 In an effort to maintain a positive mindset, I'm simply writing this particular blog entry to appeal for suggestions and commentary about my current situation. <BR> <BR> I have a habit of weighing myself daily. I know I shouldn't, but I do. <BR> <BR> I had successfully crept down to 269 lbs and within the past week, I've been slowly gaining almost a pound a day according to my digital scale. <BR> <BR> Suddenly, I'm at 275 lbs again. <BR> <BR> This is rather disconcerting. <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 18 Jul 2011 01:42:18 EST Fashion and Music Mix #1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4360627 For motivation: music I've been working out to recently and fashion wishes or purchases. <BR> <BR> Calvin Harris - You Used to Hold Me: <BR> "Knocked down everything I tried to do. <BR> That sounds something like me holding you. <BR> I've known this can make you understand. <BR> Take my spirit from my open hand..." <BR> <BR> David Guetta feat Novel - Missing You <BR> <BR> Foo Fighters - Pretender: <BR> "The need you buried deep <BR> The secrets that you keep are ever ready <BR> Are you re... Wed, 13 Jul 2011 15:44:20 EST Freedom http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4341668 Today is supposed to represent freedom. <BR> <BR> I am about as patriotic as the next person - which is a decent to large amount of patriotism actually! I will definitely stand up for my country, its honor, and anything that I care about - but today freedom meant something different to me. <BR> <BR> It's silly, but, I've always had a large sense of control over my life. A sense of purpose, a drive, and concrete results behind that. Things have come easy academically, for which I've been t... Tue, 5 Jul 2011 02:01:13 EST Half Mile Road http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4334323 "We could keep trying but things will never change <BR> But I don't look back <BR> Still I'm dying with every step I take..." <BR> - Robyn - With Every Heartbeat <BR> <BR> Picture this, elementary school/middle school Presidential Fitness Challenge (you know we all had to do it) - for me I had to in school straight through til 1999. Shuttle Run, V-stretch, sit ups, pull ups, and - The MILE. <BR> <BR> In school, I could never do a single pull up. My shuttle run time was slow, but not awful... Fri, 1 Jul 2011 01:13:36 EST Sassy Girl Lesson #23423907 aka the Right to Bare Arms http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4328774 Instead of buying a longer cardigan, buy a shorter dress ;) <BR> <BR> <BR> ---------------------- <BR> <BR> <BR> I love plenty of things about myself, mostly centered around personality as opposed to looks or general physique. I'm learning to change that and love myself more and make myself a priority. That being said, I don't love my arms - particularly my upper arms. It doesn't matter how many dumbbell curls I do, or tricep lifts, right now - there hasn't been enough change for me to f... Tue, 28 Jun 2011 16:41:42 EST Plateaus, Healthy Goals, and Fedoras? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4320981 I seem to be in plateau mode. I've maintained the same weight for the last month or so. This is rather frustrating, but I'm determined to change some ways, restart a more rigid dieting system in being better about counting calories and hit the gym more. <BR> <BR> I want to lose 12 to 15 lbs in time for my friend's wedding in 3 and a half weeks. <BR> <BR> I'm wondering if this is do-able. On top of that, if this sort of mini-goal is healthy. I know that the recommended way to lose weight i... Fri, 24 Jun 2011 22:04:21 EST Calling The Day a Wash - Lessons I Learned This Weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4267918 This weekend I went to my friend Tiffany's birthday barbecue. <em>4</em> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/8/l587823314.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> Medical backstory/Social backstory: <BR> She, unfortunately, has gained quite a bit of weight which her doctor has described as a by-product of formerly unregulated hypothyroidism. (*In med school, they've taught us that hypothyroidism does lead to weight gain, but not as much as we'd think. Maybe only a couple of pounds at ... Tue, 31 May 2011 16:17:39 EST Wrong Motivation? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4260249 Yesterday I participated in an hour long cardio dance class. <BR> Fun! The people there are really kind and understanding of when the exercisers need steps called out or direction. <BR> <BR> I found myself tiring down midway through the class, and I was trying to find a reason to stay motivated. <BR> <BR> And then my brain went to my friend Ken's girlfriend, Jenna. And I pushed through splendidly. <BR> <BR> I suppose Jenna is a catalyzing figure in my life. She is a controlling and hys... Fri, 27 May 2011 16:48:18 EST The first 15! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4255784 So I finally weighed myself. It's been a little over 3 weeks of trying hard for this and it turns out I've lost 15 pounds! <BR> <BR> My clothes are a bit bigger than normal and I went to Old Navy to buy myself some new jeans and dresses as a little treat for myself. <BR> <BR> Afterwards, I just didn't feel satisfied. <BR> <BR> I felt scared, actually. I felt nervous about gaining back the weight. <BR> <BR> But I think it's key to hold on to how I felt when I was in that dressing room, w... Wed, 25 May 2011 14:40:05 EST Home http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4254508 I'm at home from school for the time being. <BR> <BR> It's difficult to be motivated here: we have a giant comfy couch, family I haven't seen in forever, a big bed with awesome blanket, a cuddly puppy, an entertainment system with tivo-ed shows that I've missed during med school and, of course, a kitchen with a million snacks - cookies, kielbasa, hot chocolate, M&Ms, cakes, ice cream, so on and so forth. <BR> <BR> <BR> The first thing I did was go grocery shopping at Whole Foods. <BR> L... Tue, 24 May 2011 23:47:08 EST Alone http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4234645 Once, when I was in college, a friend of mine bounced up to me singing a line from Rent that normally states, "And we're not alone." <BR> <BR> Instead he said, "And Dr.EViLS *IS* alone." <BR> <BR> I was perturbed, to say the least. <BR> <BR> <BR> Perhaps it's a by-product of the independence that I've established for myself as an only child. Perhaps he was just joking around. Perhaps I was extra-annoyed because, as an overweight person, a lot of the people I have considered or sought ... Sun, 15 May 2011 19:43:53 EST Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda. WILL. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4227135 Isn't it always the case with procrastination that the deadline arrives and you say to yourself, "I wish I had done more earlier. I wish I had set this right from Day 1." <BR> <BR> I had a whole plan laid out, weeks ago. Start studying for finals 4 weeks out from the exam date. Make sure I had 2 solids weeks of just reviewing over and over plus doing problem work. And I would flip through flashcards in between idly to longterm memorize. <BR> <BR> And lo and behold. It's the day before the ... Thu, 12 May 2011 02:38:07 EST To Do http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4225800 39 hours to go. <BR> <BR> I will do Eico. <BR> I will read objectives. <BR> I will do all the practice problems in Pretest, BRS, LipMan, and previous tests. <BR> <BR> I will also flip through flashcards. <BR> <BR> This is entirely manageable. <BR> <BR> <BR> In the meantime, I need to get back on a proper nutrition and exercise track. I haven't been eating the best, although it's still somewhat low in calories. But I also haven't hit the gym in days. Wed, 11 May 2011 14:29:08 EST Concentration and Motivation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4221941 So I'm in medical school. <BR> <BR> And everyone works really hard, naturally. <BR> <BR> But I can't bring myself to do so. <BR> <BR> I don't know what it is. <BR> <BR> Maybe it's because I've worked so hard my whole life - academically, in employment, volunteer work, extracurriculars, sports, etc., that I've never afforded myself any sort of break and I'm just overall burned out even when things are easy. <BR> <BR> But I have a MASSIVE exam on Friday which I am not prepared for - at... Mon, 9 May 2011 23:29:18 EST I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4219920 "...If you can hold on <BR> If you can hold on, <BR> HOLD ON. <BR> <BR> I wanna stand up, I wanna let go <BR> You know, you know - no you don't, you don't <BR> I wanna shine on in the hearts of men <BR> I wanna mean it from the back of my broken hand <BR> <BR> Another head aches, another heart breaks <BR> I am so much older than I can take <BR> And my affection, well it comes and goes <BR> I need direction to perfection, no no no no...." <BR> - The Killers - All These Things That I've Done Mon, 9 May 2011 09:30:20 EST Bono Vox http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4218171 "In science and the human heart <BR> There is no limit. <BR> There is no failure here, sweetheart <BR> Just when you quit." <BR> - U2 <BR> <BR> Sun, 8 May 2011 12:14:14 EST Start. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4218169 Starting Wt: 290 lbs. 5/1/11 <BR> Goal Wt: 175 lbs. <BR> <BR> <BR> The time has come to make a change. Sun, 8 May 2011 12:12:42 EST