DEVSANGEL1's SparkPeople Blog DEVSANGEL1's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Empty.... I have been struggling with so many things, that I have been empty. My heart my head, my life. I am working on me from the inside out. It is going to take some doing, but I know it can be done. I am unsure of the path that lies ahead of me, but I know that I don't walk it alone. There are people around me that love me and support me. I take one step at a time. I found a great quote online somewhere and part of it says to Honor you. Never lose sight of that. I have not honored myself... Tue, 5 Dec 2017 12:32:41 EST Whoo hoo Friday!! All good... I have gotten through almost all of my week pretty well I think. I am so thankful it is Friday!! One of my son's is a freshman this year, and he is in band. We have football tonight, and I can't wait!! That is the highlight of my week so far!! I love watching my son perform. I think he is something awesome, and I am so proud of him. He gives me hope!! <BR> <BR> I know I have had setbacks this week, but I feel that I have learned from them. Not like before, where if I messed up, I w... Fri, 22 Sep 2017 12:16:25 EST Thursday September 21, 2017 I like this blog thing. It keeps me in check. If I come on here and confess my sins...LOL then I feel better. It gives me accountability. <BR> <BR> Today started well again. I woke up feeling a little coldish, but walked with my son to the bus, and then did my fifteen minute walk. <BR> <BR> I forgot to take my blender cup home for my shake, but I did make me some scrambled eggs to bring to work to make sure I didn't binge there. <BR> <BR> One thing...I did swipe a dum dum from my... Thu, 21 Sep 2017 12:37:46 EST I'm stubborn...not in a good way.... Today I started my journey well. I got up, walked for about 20 minutes, then headed to work while drinking my smoothie. Not, I get to work and I am freaking starving!! What is wrong with me? So, I have my morning snack, a granola bar(100 calories)....not enough, I had my afternoon snack(also 100 calories(almonds)). Yeah, that's ok. So I get on pintrest to try to find healthy things to bring for lunch. Made myself super hungry again. Sucked down a bottle of water..... Wed, 20 Sep 2017 16:16:25 EST Doing this for me I have a whole new perspective on my life. Every day I live is another day I can make it better. Why couldn't I have said that when I was 19? Lessons learned is all I can say. I can't continue to beat myself up for my failures. I can only continue to move forward and be the best that I know how to be. <BR> <BR> I woke up this morning with my positive vibes. Then I went down stairs, and realized I left my bowl that I use for lunch at work, and my smoothie cup I use to mix my morning s... Fri, 15 Sep 2017 10:29:33 EST Making it count I have had a good four days so far. I still feel that shaky feeling you get when you cut back all those calories. I don't feel starved, I just feel shaky. This is the first time EVER that I have gone this long without rice, bread, tortilla's....and it feels pretty good. I don't feel as bloated as I have been feeling for so so long... <BR> <BR> My son is now a freshman, and he has to be at his bus stop at 6:00am every morning. So, I take that as an opportunity, as he still likes me to wa... Thu, 14 Sep 2017 13:00:53 EST Again, again.... I have not been on here in such a long, long time. I was so discouraged with my weight, that I went off and felt sorry for myself for such a long time. From the last time that I posted, I gained about 30 pounds. I know some of it is some health reasons, and a lot of it is because I got to the point that I didn't care. I didn't care how I felt, or looked, I became numb to my life. There were so many things that caused me to fall apart. My job, my husband, my kids. The balance was off, a... Wed, 13 Sep 2017 17:01:15 EST TROUBLED TIMES... I have been a good girl. Really I have. I have gotten much better at making my goals, walking, working out, eating....but then....nothing!! The scale hasn't budged in weeks!! I got down to 232. I wanted to break that barrier and go down to the 220's....I did. For a day. I got down to 229. Then back to 232. I am walking every day, I am watching what I eat. I am reading, eating sleeping healthy things. I read articles, I just feel like it isn't enough. I don't know what to do. I a... Tue, 9 Feb 2016 13:31:21 EST Fear What is wrong with me? I tell others they can do it, I encourage, and support, and yet, here I's like I can't get control of my own life. I read all these books, and read folks success stories, and even my regional manager has lost like forty pounds through this HEB challenge....and I get further and further away from ever getting where I need to go. What is wrong with me? Do I not value myself more than others? Am I not worthy to succeed just as so many around me? Do I not dese... Wed, 8 Apr 2015 16:55:06 EST Sabotage Secrets I am so tired of sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. It's like a secret side of me is afraid to lose weight. I start out great, and then end up sneaking in a cupcake, or a Caramel Mocha Coffee from Mcdonald's on my ride home..."because it's cold outside". <BR> Then, I stand on the scale, and wonder what happened?! <BR> I am fessing up to my secret binge, that is causing me to go around and around with myself. I just don't know how to get my head out of that cycle. I have given up on m... Mon, 2 Mar 2015 15:04:11 EST Friday!! Whooooohoooo!! If I were asked what my favorite thing was today? I would have to tell them that it is Friday!! How much I have looked forward to Friday all week. It isn't that I don't like my job, it's just that I like my family more! I have to travel two and a half hours every day to get to and from work, and it limits my time with my boys. When I leave in the morning, their lovely little faces are still sleeping! When I get home from work, it's dinner, homework, and about a hour and a half, and it i... Fri, 16 Jan 2015 17:23:09 EST THURSDAY TRIUMPH It's something how you feel from day to day. One day happy, the other day sad, or mad, or all of them all in one day. Today is a triumphant day!! The sun finally came out of the gloomy sky, and poured some of its warmth down on me. How much I needed that sunshine today. It is the first day that it has shown it face this year! That's saying a lot for this region. <BR> Like today, I feel glorious. I have take small stride in the effort to change my eating habits. <BR> <BR> Today, I... Thu, 15 Jan 2015 17:20:40 EST Wednesday What?! I sure wish there would be a camel walk through my office....I think that would be the bomb!! <BR> <BR> My co-worker is so sweet! This morning I came in to my office to find two sticky notes and a rock. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> What a way to start my day!! Such motivation!! So, this is my day!! <BR> I look on it with enthusium! <BR> <BR> Oh, and by the way, hummus is pretty darn good!! Made my first batch this wee... Wed, 14 Jan 2015 12:43:56 EST Tuesday start How is it that I could stay positive? With God. That is the only way. My friday was decent. I did not over do for our eat out. Grilled chicken/beef fajita. Maybe a spoon or two of the rice, and, some of the charro beans with my meat. Two small tortilla's. I was glad I didn't get crazy... <BR> <BR> Saturday, took me to Sprouts grocery. It is such a lovely little store. Wholefoods, organic, etc kind of place for those that don't have them. Got what I needed for the week, trying a ne... Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:09:57 EST Fantastic Friday Today I have had a pretty good day. Why is it though, that after you have done good for several days, you feel like your starved down the road? <BR> <BR> I am having one of those days. I feel like I could starve today!! I know I am a long way from that, but, you know how you get the shakey's? I can honestly say, I think part of the reason is because the last two nights I have not slept worth anything. I don't know what it is. I started exercising this week, but, it isn't enough for i... Fri, 9 Jan 2015 15:57:45 EST Work Challenge Our office is having a challenge that runs from January 12, 2015 through June 12, 2015. We are meeting with our regional manager tomorrow to find out all the details. I think this will be good. There are quite a few folks from around our many offices(?) that I know that are going to participate. <BR> <BR> I am thankful that I have a secret source, Sparkpeople!! <BR> <BR> Today I am thankful for the mind to change, and for giving me people in my life to help spark my fire to change!! ... Thu, 8 Jan 2015 15:45:38 EST Making my way Today, like all other days started when my feet hit the ground. What's different about today though, is that I am trusting more on God not only for all my big requests, but for my weight loss too. If he can move mountains, I am sure he can move this fat from my body. <BR> <BR> Life is full of little miracles. I just have to keep my eyes focused, and my mind sharp. <BR> <BR> Each day I will list two of my blessings for the day. My first blessing, is that I did get up, and feel God wit... Wed, 7 Jan 2015 09:54:10 EST Fresh and new Today I say hurray. <BR> Today I start anew. <BR> Today I have an attitude that all can be done. <BR> Today I can. <BR> Today is good. The Lord is good!! <BR> Here's to today!! Tue, 6 Jan 2015 09:34:32 EST Subway sandwiches...not always what they seem... Went to subway thinking I was doing myself a favor...boy was I surprised after the fact that I ate a whopping 1000 calories, and 37 grams of fat!!! That was for a 12 inch honey oat chipotle sandwich.... <BR> <BR> Well, sad to say, I have learned my lesson!! Just because it's chicken, doesn't mean the other stuff is good for you!! That's what I get for five bucks right?! <BR> <BR> Next time, I will not let my hunger get in the way, and the sale get in my pocket book!! Thu, 5 Dec 2013 16:57:20 EST Sparkalicious.... Today I find myself feeling sparkalicious!! How do you like my new word? It means I feel sparking delicious!! <BR> <BR> I am psyched! <em>215</em> <BR> <BR> Thanksgiving was a win for me!! <em>209</em> <BR> I was able to stay on track all through the Thanksgiving holiday!! <BR> <BR> Here's a word of wisdom, when all else fails, and nothing else can be done, look up, the party has just begun!! <BR> <BR> Here's to a new week, a new beginning!! Life is what we make of it, ... Mon, 2 Dec 2013 16:21:37 EST Hump day happiness I made it through hump day pretty well. I stuck to my plan, and felt I went to bed a winner. <BR> <BR> I looked for the camel, but never did see him!! LOL!! <BR> <BR> I hope everyone has a terrific Thursday!! <em>292</em> Thu, 7 Nov 2013 10:22:50 EST Feeling psyched... Have you ever felt like today is the day? I will accomplish everything I set my mind to? I will get through the day without dying because I didn't have that cookie, that I won't die if I don't go to McDonald's, or somewhere else that is fast food? <BR> <BR> Well, that my friends is my day today. I feel like I can get through the day without going out and getting my fast food, and that I will be ok with that. With that being said...I was a gal that likes me some fast food. There is a M... Wed, 6 Nov 2013 13:31:33 EST Picking myself up again. In July, I was feeling sorry for myself. So, what did I do? I fell off. I quit logging, I quit caring, and that was frightening. I don't know what I was thinking. Through all of this I now realize something. I am only hurting myself. I CAN do this. i WILL MAKE IT. I know it is harder because I am older, and so overweight. I will just have to make my goals smaller, and more achievable. Is there anyone out there that will help me along? <BR> <BR> I don't have any "real" friends, s... Mon, 4 Nov 2013 17:53:32 EST Feeling sorry for myself.... Today, I am the same size I was six weeks ago. Not one pound lost. So, I have my dr run my blood work to see if it is my thyroid, and all the numbers are within range. I don't know what i am doing. I feel like such a failure right now. Not a pound, not an inch, and after trying to do the carb cycling....I am so disappointed in myself. I feel so very stupid... <BR> <BR> I have stopped eating out for breakfast everyday, I have started to drink at least 160 ounces of water a day. Fruits ... Tue, 23 Jul 2013 15:35:49 EST Friday Find Today I find that I am so tired I can't even see straight! I am so glad that it is Friday....and I am so glad that I will be off work next week!! <BR> <BR> I have started my day right...with my protein shake. <BR> <BR> Have had 1 bottle of water so far(16.9 oz)....have four bottles waiting.... <BR> <BR> Remembered to bring my snacks. I ordered from have some tastey treats!! <BR> <BR> Salad for lunch today..... <BR> <BR> Today is my low carb day, so here's to hope. ... Fri, 28 Jun 2013 11:35:37 EST Here I go again on my own... Going down the only road I've ever a drifter I was born to walk alone.... <BR> <BR> Anyone know that song? Iguess that it reflects my age... <BR> <BR> I am so glad that everyday I have the chance for a do over. I started then stalled, started back then stalled again. Not knowing quite what to do with here I am again. <BR> <BR> I have had a pretty good two and a half weeks. I am trying to carb cycle following Chris Powell. I have to say, it is kinda hard for m... Thu, 27 Jun 2013 17:49:07 EST Mexican food.... So, today I went with my sister to one of my favorite mexican restaurant, and I was sooo proud of my self. I ordered the lunch fajita taco's...I asked the waitress if she had wheat tortilla's, she said that she thought that they did but wasn't for sure. I told her if they didn't have any that I would like corn tortillas. When they brought out my food...I was very thankful, they had the wheat tortilla's!! I think I did really good being out there in the "real world". I think I selected we... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 15:06:46 EST New Year new me!! Isn't it easy to say I will start over again this year? Isn't it easy to think that we can overcome the world, with the stroke of midnight on January 1st? I have been working on being a better me for several years now. I haven't lost weight the way I have wanted to, but I am not giving up. I know that my life is an adventure, and that with some encouragement, that I will be able to obtain the goals I have set for myself. <BR> <BR> I too have new Year's goals. I do plan to lose 20 poun... Mon, 14 Jan 2013 17:15:50 EST Morning!! The day after labor day....the last long weekend for a while....sure did enjoy it. We did good too. I served up some turkey burgers on whole wheat buns!! Family didn't even notice it wasn't beef!! We had a really nice day! <BR> <BR> My oldest son is back out on the road. Really do hate it for him. Tried to talk him in to going to teen challenge, or job corp. He just doesn't want to listen to me at all. Sure do wish he would get off the road. <BR> <BR> Tue, 4 Sep 2012 12:15:36 EST Houston....we have a problem Never have I ever had such a bad week as I have this past week. It has been such a roller coaster week...I did something very stupid, that hurt my husband very badly. I hope we can recover. <BR> <BR> On the bright prodigal son is returning today! I haven't seen him since Christmas....that is the good. <BR> <BR> The other good...even with as much stress that is in my life, I have not turned back to food for comfort. That is saying a lot. I just know that through my journey in ... Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:15:30 EST Pop a top again... I am thankful to say, that I am no longer popping my top...don't have super tight shirts anymore, and that makes me feel better. I know I still have a long ways to go, but it is nice to have wiggle room again in my clothes. <BR> <BR> My co worker made me feel very good on Monday, she told me she was talking about me over the weekend, about how great I was doing with my weight loss...almost made me cry. It is nice when people start to notice the weight coming you that extra b... Wed, 11 Jul 2012 11:15:44 EST Fantastic Friday... I have taken my weight journey more serious...I have added the positive little quotes to my wall at work, so that I remember what I am doing while I sit at my desk. I am more than a conqueror!! Now I have positive things around me to remind me, and keep this old brain in check. I try to say positive things about myself throughout the day. <BR> <BR> I have gotten up for two mornings to do the sparkpeople bootcamp!! For it to be just a few minutes...I feel better throughout the day. I c... Fri, 6 Jul 2012 12:37:24 EST New me July. We celebrate our nation's independence. I want to also exercise my independence. I have gotten enthused again watching Biggest Loser on ABC. Chris Powell rocks!! I was so motivated last week, that all I could keep saying to myself, was, "she lost a pound a day!!" It made me take into consideration the amount I have lost, and the amount that I have left. A pound a day. I know that working full time, and having a family to tend to, I can't exercise the time that she does, but....a... Mon, 2 Jul 2012 16:01:40 EST So, here I am...again!! Water, water, tea, water, water, water. You would think that by now I would realize that it should be: water, water, water....but, for some reason, it is easier not to drink, than it is to drink anything. I will get in all my water today, but then tomorrow, for some reason, I won't drink anything except a cup of coffee at breakfast time...I am trying to work on making sure that I get water in every day. My step daughter came to live with us, and when we have dinner every night she always d... Thu, 14 Jun 2012 16:19:25 EST Mixed blessings... I am so thrilled at my weight loss!! It is something that if you watch what you put in your mouth, weight can come off...I still have a very long way to go, but I am so excited to have off what I do. <BR> <BR> Now, on Wens. night our house was hit by lightning. It scared the whoopee out of all of us. My two year old son cried for an hour. Needless to say, it fried something to our air conditioner. So, we didn't sleep well that night. Luckily, we have good neighbors that know a lot of... Fri, 8 Jun 2012 10:02:32 EST My son engulfs me... I just spoke with Chris. he is an hour away from Wyoming. I am thankful that he called me this morning to let me know. I never know where he is, or where he lays his head at night. He said last night he slept on someone's porch. He said it got down to about 32 degrees, so he didn't sleep much. He said he got about two hours of sleep. He said he was too tired to pitch his tent, and the person was supposed to let him crash on the couch, but...I don't know what happened. Chris is now in ... Wed, 6 Jun 2012 09:40:31 EST Friday son continued <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I was able to speak to my son yesterday. I once again asked him to come back this way, and to discontinue his walk westward. I also asked for him to send me a picture of his face because I needed to look at him. This is his picture from yesterday. I do admit he looks somewhat happy, but to me, his mom, he looks so very tired. I can tell he is dirty, and is very tanned. I miss him so much, and haven't been abl... Fri, 1 Jun 2012 13:11:33 EST Wednesday warrior Today, I am a mom that is trying to accept the calling on her son's life. My son, my first born son, is out there in the wilderness. My heart aches for his safety. My Spirit cries out to God to keep him protected. He has been off the radar for about 12 hours now. His phone is off, and he is in the middle of Colorado, with mountains, drop offs, and terrain that he really has no business in. How much my heart hurts that I can not reach him. I didn't know that I could cry so much. I am t... Wed, 30 May 2012 10:23:21 EST The day after Memorial Day What a weekend it was. My son got from a little town called Levelland to Boulder, Co. He walked and hitched rides. At one point he wanted to come home, and I want him home, but my current spouse, well, he said that Chris could not come back to the house due to my son's previous behavior. Never. I have been devastated since I asked him. That was yesterday. Memorial Day...My son told me though, mom, I am ok. I know what I have to do. I am now faced with the choice of choosing my curren... Tue, 29 May 2012 15:23:45 EST My son... I am having such a hard time right now. My oldest son, he is 19. He is high functioning Autistic, and was living with his dad and paternal grandmother about 9 hours away from me...trying to build some type of relationship with his dad because we had been away from his dad for about 10 years...anyways, my son has it in his head that he is wanting to walk "for a cause", from the panhandle of Texas, to Seattle Washington, pushing a Wal-Mart Cart with his belongings. He left his grandmother's ... Wed, 23 May 2012 14:00:01 EST Monday is starting again... Hello again. Today I start a new week. Hoping that this evening I can actually work out again for the first time in about three months. Got to get this gut going off of me again!! This morning has been pretty good, have been super busy. Our lobby was so full, that I couldn't even see where the customers would end....anywho... <BR> <BR> Had a wonderful message yesterday at church. They are teaching in Nehemiah, which boils down to team work. I think one of the reasons that I failed the... Mon, 27 Feb 2012 13:52:28 EST's me, Angela I have been trying to get back in to my rhythm...but am having such a hard time. I know what to do, it is just doing it. I feel really tired and drained all the time. I know this week has to do with Aunt Flo visiting and with her bringing much <BR> <BR> I feel something good coming, I really do. <BR> Just that today I am totally bummed. My sister isn't speaking to me at all. She is eight months pregnant, and refuses to talk to me, or even text me. My heart is hu... Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:28:27 EST Again, and again. Here I am again. Haven't been on in a few months, and feeling every pound of it. What a bad girl I have been. I had foot problems, that led to the dr giving me an injection of steroids, and it is finally, after two months, feeling somewhat normal. I have to get back in to my exercise routine. I haven't exercised in two months!! eggghhh!!! Shame on me. But, here I am again. Hoping to get my butt back in gear!! I signed up at work for a challenge, so hope I can live up to it!! <BR> ... Wed, 8 Feb 2012 11:00:47 EST One step forward, two back... Was doing what I thought was pretty well. Getting my walk in at work on my morning break, and afternoon break, and sometimes even at lunch. I was eating ok, not quite where I needed to be, but not too bad. I was drinking water everyday, some days I would have my eight glasses, some days not, but was getting in almost every day, which was a big deal for me. Didn't see much changes on the scale, but, was feeling better. Then it happened. My foot started to hurt. Hurt every day. I thin... Mon, 14 Nov 2011 13:48:08 EST Made it through mad monday <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> Work was busy. Got my walk in today. Walked this mornig for 25 minutes, and this afternoon for 20 minutes!! <BR> <BR> So glad, because the stress in my life right now, is off the chart!! My nineteen year old son wthdrew from college....attempted to walk to Michigan from Tx...needless to say, he is now back in Houston with my sister. Trying to see if he would be interested in job corp. He is a lot of prayer. <BR> <BR> My family is better today. Here's hopi... Mon, 7 Nov 2011 21:38:59 EST MY 41ST BIRTHDAY!! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is me this morning. Here's to hoping to a beautiful day!! <BR> <BR> Co worker's decorated my office, made me a cake...brownies... <BR> <BR> what temptation!! Thu, 27 Oct 2011 12:09:01 EST Monday...before my 41st birthday... Three days away. I will be 41. Not 14. I remember when I used to count down the days, and think that my birthday would neeeeeeever get here, and now, so many have flown by. I still get excited for my birthday, but age has shown me that: <BR> you should never rush a birthday...the more you have, the less you will get in the future...I look forward to my birthday, and I hope that I have a better one than last year. Forty was such a hard number to take in. I stood in the mirror on my birth... Mon, 24 Oct 2011 21:20:26 EST Who knew? Who knew that a new sports bra could be so exciting?! <BR> <BR> Not me. So, I am in the big W, and see this sports bra with the front zipper...I think, what a terriffic idea! I need one of those for my girls!! So, I take it home, and boy, do I love it!! The girls get to be super supported, and easy to take off!! No jumping up and down, and wiggling around like a loon trying to get a sweaty, elastic girl holder over your head!! Who'da thunk?! LOL <BR> <BR> I know that I am going to ha... Tue, 18 Oct 2011 11:12:38 EST Sunday done again... I made it through with very little incidents. I did fold and have a piece of halloween cake....Don't know why I made it, well yes I do. Made it for the boys. I had a slice...licked my fingers and all. Now I am feeling gross. Was hoping that I could say that I made it through the weekend without any slip ups, but not the case today. <BR> The rain fell almost all day, and it seemed to have a gloomy effect on me. Not to say that I didn't like the rain, but, got kinda blusey. <BR> <BR>... Mon, 10 Oct 2011 00:13:21 EST Feeling better today I hate it when I get sick. It really does bite. I felt awful yesterday, but am feeling better today. Probably should have stayed at home another day, but can't afford to miss too many days. <BR> <BR> That was one way to lose weight.....never is fun though. Thu, 6 Oct 2011 14:51:38 EST