DENRNAJ's SparkPeople Blog DENRNAJ's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Yikes! Thought my clothes were getting tight! Boy were they. I had not been using the scale. Hopped back on.....horrified. Wow, two pounds from my highest ever weight. Over 65% body fat. Shame on me, I'm the only one to blame in this situation. Behavior modification, here we come. My son is getting married in 481 days. I can make changes. I want him to be proud of me. I want to feel good about being in pictures at such a beautiful event. <BR> Here I go..................... Tue, 5 Jun 2018 01:58:48 EST Back at it again. I've noted that if I would just STICK WITH the SP plan I would do oh so much better. I don't have the answer to why I am so resistant other that I want to eat that yummy stuff and it makes me feel better for a minute. Sadly, only a minute. Food is everywhere- tasty, naughty, delicious food. I am physically ill, bad cold or flu, and I just want to soothe with the yummy stuff even though I can't really taste anything right now. Sad, but true. <BR> Time for some honesty and a huge reality check... Thu, 17 May 2018 01:00:58 EST The end of day 1 Setting goals, not resolutions. Day one, goal met. Will continue to grow and improve. Best wishes to all your wonderful SparkPeople! Mon, 1 Jan 2018 23:38:33 EST Tracking! I finally gave in. I track everything now, all food as it's consumed. I have read multiple SP articles about weight loss and food tracking. Still didn't dedicate myself. Woke up last week and had a weight gain of almost 20 lbs WHAT!!!!!!!!?!??!?!?!? I could not fit in my scrub tops for work. I had spent my time eating what I wanted, when I wanted. I binged eating whole containers of ice cream, 12 packs of doughnuts, sugared up that coffee and any other beverage I bought. Worked and stopped by... Wed, 13 Dec 2017 05:06:03 EST Whoops! Sweet heavens, thought my clothes were getting tighter, felt more uncomfortable than I have in a long time. Gee, might be because I stepped on the scale and have gained oh.......about......hmmmmm.....15 lbs. <BR> Choices...... <BR> 1. whine, cry, feel shame and guilt- translation- beat myself up. <BR> 2. get up, shut up, put the time, work, and effort into improving my health. <BR> I'll start by getting my SP back up and running. It was working until I became "too busy" or "too tired" to b... Sun, 26 Nov 2017 17:54:50 EST Some reality! Checking in with myself. It could be worse.....had a very upsetting day yesterday, let another down, let myself down. Having a hard time keeping it all together and missing my son that has moved across the country. Blessing is that he is doing great, I am relatively healthy, and I am not in some of the horrible situations that I could be in. Feeling a bit lost and alone but still plugging away at life in general. <BR> Thank you to my SparkFriends that have checked in on me. I'm still here fi... Sun, 25 Jun 2017 05:47:06 EST I'm hurt The man that I thought I would spend many years with told me yesterday that he had found someone that he could "have a real future with". I'm hurt and feel very foolish for putting so many of my hopes into the relationship. Someone that I communicated every day with is suddenly gone. I feel very alone. <BR> This is one of the few places that I feel I can express myself without getting a bunch of childish or rude comments. <BR> I chose not to remain in bed all day; he told me in the morning ... Fri, 29 Apr 2016 04:55:26 EST Day 1: habits My homework for the day- Write down 3 tiny habits that you can incorporate into your life this week.... <BR> 1. set my alarm to get up 20 minutes earlier that I usually do <BR> 2. have next day exercise clothes with shoes and work clothes with shoes set out the day before <BR> 3. walk for 1 mile on the treadmill before I get ready for work. <BR> <BR> Because I walk almost every morning when I leave work, the mile before getting ready for work will be "the icing on the carrot"! Sun, 17 Apr 2016 02:54:18 EST Struggle! Ugh! Frustration! I fell off the wagon in a huge way and had a major binge at , of all places, work. I just was so tired of struggling, so tired of all of the food around me- so frustrated- I caved. I just ate and ate. I cannot even tally the calories that I put away. Sooooooooooooooooooooo... <BR> Back at it again. Tracking my food since I got up for work this evening. Got back on the scale to note a HUGE weight gain with some of that being the massive amounts of food still working through the di... Sat, 26 Dec 2015 23:39:50 EST Working a different plan.......... I am working on self improvement. I started a new dietary plan- not a "DIET" but a dietary plan. I have a health coach and am willing to spend the time, money, and effort to get my act together. I have returned to the gym and since one was closed this morning, I went to the other one. I am no longer making excuses. My goals are set. I will be updating my sparkpage as time allows and hope that my journey can inspire others in the future. <BR> Stay dedicated and strong! J Sat, 17 Oct 2015 21:27:55 EST Avoid saying negative things........ I just read a spark article about self-improvement and not expecting "things" to happen overnight. This is just want I needed to "hear". The one line that stood out the most was that we should avoid saying negative things about ourselves. I have never know the negative self-talk that I have to accomplish anything positive. It leaves me stressed and feeling "not good enough". I have even avoided going into a store because people that I know from the past are there. It is a feeling that I am "n... Mon, 12 Jan 2015 01:41:28 EST At it again! I am searching for the place where I fit, where I matter, and can make a difference. So.............I applied for another job within my facility. I did not understand what I was getting into- I swear, some of my co-workers are sicker than the patients! <BR> The only problem is that the last time I applied for a job, I was not chosen for "political reasons". I was warned by my co-workers that "this is the way things are". I have found that it's all in who you know- no regard for experience, e... Fri, 12 Dec 2014 02:25:15 EST Journaling- I'm finally doing it! I am so uncomfortable in my body- I'm now trying journaling. I know that my overeating is not all about "gee that tastes so good!". I have decided to explore other issues that cause me to have fork in mouth disease. <BR> Started back to the gym- guess what, the walls did not come falling down, people did not laugh hysterically, and I managed to survive. My mood and general attitude was SO MUCH BETTER after a workout. I know that I need to do this daily. Some form of exercise must be done eve... Thu, 24 Jul 2014 05:51:19 EST Yikes! I've never had to do this before! I had to go to press charges on someone today. I can't talk much about this because of the nature of the situation. Very uncomfortable to do but I believe, very necessary. <BR> On a happier, much less stressful note, I have lost 9.5 lbs. I am eating a bit healthier- actually made lasagne that I saw the recipe for in an old Martha Stewart magazine. I loathe "green things" and the recipe called for broccoli- I got my "greens" without too much of the "ick" factor. The two people that sampled lo... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 03:13:41 EST Woo Hoo! Finally starting to lose some weight I have been at an self-imposed standstill when it comes to weight loss. I hadn't been eating properly, hadn't been following a plan, hadn't been taking care of myself. There are so many tools and great people on this site, I really don't have an excuse not to give some effort. The "hadn'ts" are over. I don't expect much so soon but I know that if I just make some small changes I can make progress toward my goals. I am worth my own time and effort. <BR> One more victory- it was my birthday ye... Sun, 29 Jun 2014 05:02:04 EST Accountable! I am having problems being accountable with my food. I've yet to start tracking my food- because I know how "bad" it will look. I plan to "get over it" and just start doing it again. <BR> On a positive note, I've returned to the gym. With the weight gain that I've had I chose to go to the Y that is closer to my work. I don't know anyone at that gym and it's easier to work out in that kind of environment. I've yet to get into the pool but I'm shooting for that early next month. <BR> I'm walk... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 03:55:32 EST What a world! I'm excited to post that though my eating habits need some work and my house needs cleaning I'm still making progress. I enjoy my new job and like the change of work hours. I'm glad to see my son for the summer and am so happy with all that he is doing. <BR> I've reconnected with some friends and have also made some great new ones. I have set some limits and separated myself from someone that was behaving in such a terrible manner I felt that I was dealing with a patient at work, not relaxin... Sat, 21 Jun 2014 02:48:37 EST New Job! So, so, so thankful to be starting a new job. I am not made fun of, yelled at, or put down in any way! How refreshing! <BR> Here's to new beginnings!!!!! <BR> <em>334</em> <em>26</em> Thu, 10 Oct 2013 05:04:49 EST Been a long time-------lots happening I am having some major life changes; have not blogged in quite some time. I decided that I can stay at home and feel sorry for myself or I can get out and get moving. I won't bore with all the details- just life changes that I will be coping with for some time. Here's to a climb up the mountain or walk on the greenway- <BR> I'm outta here- getting some exercise and using that time to listen to music and think. <BR> Accomplishments today= <BR> donating a bag to goodwill <BR> returning borrow... Sat, 17 Aug 2013 11:54:59 EST conflicting emotions and big decisions I am in quite a situation. I was called into the director's office to bring a presentation that I had worked on. I emailed the presentation but thought that I should stop by as I had been directed to make certain that the attachment had arrived. I was asked why I didn't print it as I should have. I stated that it would have used a great deal of ink and I needed input from the other members of the committee to be able to make certain it was indeed a final copy. <BR> I was then told that my co... Thu, 25 Apr 2013 07:46:24 EST Ode to my 1st Fitbit Oh, the days we spent together- every day, you and me, counting steps, struggling with the running programs, hiking, getting wet, searching for you when I forgot where I put you when I showered, fishing you out of the laundry basket before I washed- I'll really miss you. <BR> It was a day about a month ago, I noticed a crack in your body where you curve to clip on me. It was a hairline and I thought I might use glue but decided against it. I tried to baby you but the crack got bigger. One da... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 08:22:31 EST Oh MY! I tell you what! I am blessed to be a part of this community. I am a huge fan of Ruby- even joined "her" sparkteam. I cannot believe the response I have received as the "Ruby-Lite of the Week"! Just when you think that you're an insignificant part of the puzzle you get a barrage of well wishes, encouragement, well actually all the good about Sparkpeople arrives on your page. Thank you for choosing me and making me feel a bit special today. I work in healthcare and had a 12 hour shift today an... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 20:34:58 EST Cleaning up! Sounds like I won at gambling- but anyway..... <BR> I am in a "free" group on facebook. I saw an add for guys wanting to come pick up old appliances and scrap metal. Wow- that washing machine that was languishing in my basement is GONE! Yeah! They also tore down the shed in the backyard that I had NO idea how I was going to manage. I am so pleased. I also know that I got lucky, but I'm smart and did some checking. I gave my email address to the person online, got a response and the person use... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 08:03:59 EST Every day was great- with one exception I have had a really great time off. The place where I work has been having a low census and I got called off several days that I was scheduled to work. I have saved up "paid time off" and was able to use that so my pay will be less but I will get a check. <BR> We had a family gathering- I thought a good time was had by all until I was pulled "secretly" into the kitchen and told how I was upsetting another family member. This really hit me broadside. I was informed of all the things that I wa... Sat, 24 Nov 2012 16:17:09 EST Choosing to behave I have had the hardest time not overeating. Ahhhhh! In the last few days I have actually been physically hungry- this, instead of stuffing myself. What have I done to try and end the evening "stuff myself so full I can't even lay down to sleep"?!?! <BR> 1. back to the gym <BR> 2. pick up some of this cluttered house <BR> 3. make plans to make a pretty bedroom for myself- and follow through <BR> 4. crochet, crochet, crochet- using scrap yarn to make burial blankets for little ones <BR> 5. care... Sun, 28 Oct 2012 04:55:20 EST Wow- that was shocking! Just a moment to whine.... <BR> I have a wonderful best friend but it is very rare that we spend any time together. I literally am the one that calls one or two times a month to say "hello". I find our calls frequently interrupted by grown children and often am put on hold for every other call on the planet. Yes, I do hang up, I have a little self respect left. What got me was that I jokingly said at the end of a call, Hey, you know, you can call me sometime, (and then said-I'd love to hear f... Fri, 12 Oct 2012 05:30:33 EST Why do I really want to lose weight and get healthy? Hmmmm Today's Spark Coach assignment is to blog about what is really behind the quest for weight loss/healthier living. I have taken time to reflect about this and here's my answer..... <BR> It's not just one "thing". My son will be graduating from high school. I don't want to be the fat Mom in the pics. I want him to be proud of me. I want to be able to care for myself as I age. I know that there may be many things beyond my control that could hinder that but I don't want obesity to be one of them... Thu, 4 Oct 2012 06:20:31 EST SC blog Don't really feel like blogging but SparkCoach has it as a requirement today. What can I do to keep with program, to stay motivated? <BR> 1. Commit to making small changes (at least 10 minutes of exercise a day) <BR> 2. Commit to logging into SP every day <BR> 3. Comment on the pages and progress of others, "spread the Spark". Research shows that those involved in the community tend to lose more weight. <BR> <BR> Yes, I am in a slump. I am approaching the highest weight I've ever been. I h... Wed, 26 Sep 2012 16:20:44 EST Joined Spark Coach I spent over a week trying to decide if I actually wanted to join Spark Coach. Should I just continue with the features of Spark People? Should I spend more money when I'm working on having money for my son's college? <BR> I decided to go there...I find that I do not have people to talk to about weight loss and get the support that I want whenever I want. I like the videos. I am more motivated than ever to log on and do the daily tasks. If it helps it will be worth it. <BR> I have so much i... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 05:33:35 EST Finally in a positive place- for today I don't blog very much- usually use the excuse that I'm too busy. I tried SparkCoach today and it seemed to give me an extra edge. Hope that I can keep that up. <BR> I don't have very many friends that like to exercise, gets lonely at the gym. I really have no one to be accountable to...doing it all on my own I keep going off track. <BR> I exercised at home while cooking healthy meals for this work week, had a healthy dinner, and am doing some household chores. <BR> I also went to the gym ... Sat, 11 Aug 2012 18:56:35 EST Week 5 started I have a mental stumbling block when I begin week 5 of the podrunner series couch to 5k. I have completed the first session of week 5- two more walk/runs this week and I'll move to week 6. <BR> I haven't posted in a long time, have been in a rut and now feel an upswing coming. I promised myself that I would start the declutter and have been pleased to have removed several large items and three large tote boxes of "stuff". Hello Goodwill! I have another trip planned there tomorrow and should ... Thu, 12 Jul 2012 15:13:25 EST A note of thanks I want to thank all of my Sparkfriends. Having such a community available to me is a blessing in my life. I feel acceptance here unlike in some other aspects of my life. I know I'll "get out of it what I'm willing to put into it!" <BR> Now, time to look for those new running shoes (mine are WAY past the mileage mark) and tackle the day. <BR> Insanity workout DVDs- here I come! Woo Hoo! Sat, 11 Feb 2012 10:27:56 EST Sometimes I just cannot believe it! What a spectacular day! <BR> Vinton Fall Festival 5K <BR> 32:53.8- can you even believe this? That's a 10:36 mile for little old me. I have that long term goal for the 10 minute mile. I very much surprised myself today. Sprinted at the end I got so excited. (A bit sore but went to the gym after and worked out). Tomorrow will be a walk day (LOL) <BR> I stayed after and won a coot t shirt at the raffle drawing. Checked out the vendors, watched the cutest dressed up dog contest- the one dres... Sat, 8 Oct 2011 17:11:11 EST Update~! I just love my Sparkfriends! The only ones asking for a race update! It's great to have this community. <BR> Here goes: <BR> Fired up for a cure 9-24-2011 <BR> finished #99 out of #119 <BR> time 37:43.3 <BR> ran a 12:10 mile (well I will admit that I lost my spice a few times and walked some) <BR> I have a long term goal to get to a 10 minute mile <BR> I am way ahead of everyone that didn't show up and I got a nice compliment from the mother of the 6 year old that "smokes" me every race! <BR... Thu, 29 Sep 2011 17:54:08 EST getting ready! This is the first post broken leg 5k run today! I am excited. I've completed the entire couch to 5k program by podrunner. I actually quit goofing around this time and did the weeks in order and did the three runs a week with rest days from running in between. Amazing how a program really works when you FOLLOW it! <BR> I also decided that since i really was not going to run on the off days I had to "pick" other activities. I found the shapely girl DVDs and will start those soon. I dug out Ric... Sat, 24 Sep 2011 06:30:33 EST skunks, greyhounds, and some sort of fungus??? That's what I smelled, saw, ran from, laughed about and pondered during my venture out this morning. Can you say "humid". Goodness. <BR> I don't know if it's skunk mating season but my, my, they and their smells are out there. We have a greyhound rescue organization not too far from my house. They went INSANE when I went by. Sadly, that was my running interval- got them all stirred up! All eyes were on me! <BR> I've driven by this mass of who knows what every time I drive to my sister's hous... Wed, 13 Jul 2011 10:12:45 EST 4 on the 4th! (with a touch of makeup, eating, and trackers) I did it- this is my first venture out at an organized event trying to run intervals. I was aware that it would put too much stress on the leg to try to run the whole way. I ran, telling myself, "you can make it to the cop car and the corner, then I'd walk, then "hey, you can make it to that tree down there" and I'd run again. It was a hoot! <BR> my time was a little over 51 minutes. Remember, it was 4 miles not the 5k. Still not the best time, but I got out there and did it! <BR> I feel ener... Mon, 4 Jul 2011 16:08:06 EST fitbit working It's working now- just hasn't done that "sync" yet. <BR> I love it- looks like the fitbit gives me much more credit than I do. I've worn it all day and then went in and tracked my food just like we do on SP. <BR> Went running on the greenway and then to the gym. I felt like I'd done a bit- had a complete clothing "sweat through"- I love it when that happens! I used to be such a couch spud, couldn't imagine ever feeling so great about wearing sweaty, wet clothes. <BR> Made me feel great whe... Sun, 26 Jun 2011 16:31:15 EST fitbit!!!! Just received a Fitbit for my b day! So excited to set it up- then guess what??? <BR> The final installation step will not work. Just keeps saying "press the button and try again". I emailed the support site. Just frustrated. Then I remembered- I'd have to charge the battery anyway..... <BR> Want to get it going since I have a few more days off work. <BR> If anyone has any tips re the Fitbit please let me know. I figure "whatever works" right??? <BR> Have a great one today whatever you're do... Sun, 26 Jun 2011 11:40:32 EST so close, yet so far away I am so close to meeting my first "mini goal". I need to lose 5 more lbs and I can call that goal met. I am finally back on track because of the choice I have made to actually exert effort. I cannot sit back, do nothing, and expect any results. No magic wand waving my way. <BR> I also had some upsetting information shared with me this week. I would normally go crawl up in my bed, pull up the covers, not shower, not go out unless it was time to go to work. <BR> I am pleased that, even though... Fri, 15 Apr 2011 20:59:29 EST what timing//// I just finished reading SP Coach Nicole write about her 1/2 marathon experience. Just the motivation that I need. <BR> I haven't posted a blog in a long time. I gained a ton of weight and did not want to have a blog evolve into my own pity party. So....I made some decisions. <BR> I joined the discount gym in my area. It is very close to work. I plan out my lunch, outfit for work, and also the work out outfit. I have it down to the socks planned so that there is no excuse to NOT go to the gy... Sun, 3 Apr 2011 07:19:51 EST LOL, I forgot the update! I GOT the job!!! <BR> Woo Hoo! <BR> I had been working in a very TOXIC environment. See prior blog for more information on that whole issue. <BR> I interviewed, was offered, and did indeed accept the job. I am so excited about starting something new. I am very excited about not having the psychotic coworker hovering over everything all the time. I will no longer have to deal with her and all of her demands! I won't have the expectation to answer my phone and emails even when I am off work. ... Mon, 29 Nov 2010 07:55:36 EST I finally grew up and got some self esteem My status today lets you know that I am working on a resume. <BR> I have been working in a job that has become all consuming. I was "stuck" and saw no way out. I am gaining weight every week partly because the bulk of my waking time is spent sitting in a chair in front of a computer. Yes, this was my choice but NOT ANYMORE~ <BR> I work in a small office of three people. We are all of the same job description. There is one person that is compelled to control EVERYTHING. She insists on contact... Fri, 29 Oct 2010 18:18:55 EST a different kind of inspiration Time to inspire myself. <BR> I have a bathroom in the basement, I started to paint it this funky orange (thanks Habitat for Humanity restore- shameless plug) and have now decided that I am going to paint or write motivation and inspirational thoughts on the walls. This is no dream bathroom that I am "ruining". This is my kind of teenage dorm basement camp bathroom. <BR> Now, every day when I'm getting ready for work, getting ready to go out and face the world, or just changing that cat box,... Mon, 4 Oct 2010 14:18:44 EST back to tracking! I am back to tracking my food. It's a wonderful tool that I have not been taking advantage of- thought that I could stuff myself and no one would know. What self deception! <BR> <BR> I have been on a three day binge. I have a great deal of guilt related to this and feel quite sick. What can I do? Work on having a different day. I am in a group that believes that one's Higher Power will take away the obsession with food. That has not happened for me. I know that if I continue to live in some ... Sun, 26 Sep 2010 09:57:01 EST yikes- it didn't work like I thought it would I am back on the treadmill- have been able to ride my bike again- relief! <BR> Then I had to go and get sassy- I tried running, just a little, just to see if I could do it. My heart sank. The pain that shot through my leg was unbelievable. I am having a very difficult time accepting that I may not be able to run again. I just did my 1st, and possibly only running, 5k last Thanksgiving. I will walk it this year. <BR> I have made my grateful list, thought of others that have physical problems m... Thu, 23 Sep 2010 20:00:22 EST getting back in the game My brother reminded me the other day that it had been a long time since I blogged. Nice to know that someone is reading! <BR> Had a huge mental dilemma about getting back in the game. I have a Y membership that languishes- even have my own personalized locker there- how fortunate I am to be able to afford all of that- have I been using it??? NO. <BR> What is insanity? It is sitting there wondering why... since you aren't making any changes... you continue to expect a different outcome???? <B... Tue, 21 Sep 2010 07:40:15 EST Slow, small steps= progress I'm back to the gym! <BR> I picked myself up, went out and got a bathing suit that fits, and have returned to the gym. I am going to water aerobics twice a week at the Y. Wonderful group of people. <BR> <BR> I also started physical therapy at "Back to Basics". They have given me hope that I will be able to work through this injury and walk normally again. It's just going so SLOW and I'm frustrated. I walked a great deal on saturday and really have "felt it" since that time. <BR> <BR> I ha... Tue, 18 May 2010 07:06:34 EST return to the gym??? or not??? I am paying for a gym membership that I have not been using. My fish child has been getting great use though so that is a plus for us both. <BR> <BR> I need to go back to the gym. I used to go every day. I could not wait to get in there and get going. Now I hesitate. I have put on a great deal more weight and cannot seem to find my confidence. I had a very wise person tell me once, "act as if". One of the hardest things for me to do is feel as if I am on display. I used to go and act as if ... Tue, 4 May 2010 21:10:31 EST I strayed- should have stayed. I'm back and starting again with sparkpeople. I fractured my leg on 2/22 an have been futon bound for the most part since then- I want to get back to where I was- it's just slow in coming and I have not been patient. <BR> Because I had such problems getting around my home became filthy. I asked people not to come by because I have been so ashamed. Today is the first day that I have been able to stumble around and get my floors mopped and some laundry done. That has made me feel a little bett... Sun, 2 May 2010 13:31:38 EST