DEEANN8's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=DEEANN8 DEEANN8's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Frustrated after dr. apt. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5190296 Had an appointment with Dr. K today. It didn't go as well as I'd hoped. <BR> <BR> My list of concerns were: <BR> <BR> 1. Depression worse <BR> 2. Pain: elbow, hip, back (all unrelated) <BR> 3. Dry skin on my face. <BR> <BR> 1. First she wanted to blame my worsening depression on my thyroid, which I don't believe is very far off, if at all. She did get a clue and just raised my Bupropion dose instead. I guess that's about the end of the good news. <BR> <BR> During this conversation re: dep... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 15:53:51 EST Much anxiety, Some depression, but overall a Good Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5153083 12/1/12 <BR> <BR> Day started well. I was up before 5 a.m. feeling awake and rested. Had breakfast, dropped DS off at a breakfast meeting, went to a f2f meeting, picked DS back up, took the dog for his vaccines, got a few things done around the house, had lunch, and headed with DH towards a movie theater. It was obvious we had left too late to get there before the movie started, so we decided to wait until tomorrow. We are planning on seeing ‘Lincoln’. I lurked in a couple of on-line me... Sat, 1 Dec 2012 22:52:49 EST OA, depression, and jealousy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5134445 Wow. It’s been forever since I’ve blogged. And I don’t know how far I’ll get because my back is killing me. If it feels like this now, what will it feel like when I get old? Ugh! <BR> <BR> I joined OA first of October through www.therecoverygroup.org . I went through the orientation which is a month long. I can’t say I’m making a lot of progress just yet, but I’m getting the foundation laid. <BR> <BR> It’ll probably be a lot longer road for me than it is for many others because I’ve ... Tue, 13 Nov 2012 20:06:39 EST Till death do us part is a long time… or is it? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4939209 It’s been 32 ½ years since we made those vows. On days like today, I’m not so sure I’m willing to let him make it to 33. Okay, not really, but I’m am thoroughly disgusted with him today. <BR> <BR> We bought a second rental house around the first of the month. I REALLY didn’t want to have to help renovate it, AND he’d not ask for my help. He talked as if everything was going well. Then about a week ago, I dropped by to take a look. OMG! He had been rushing through and doing a terrible ... Sat, 23 Jun 2012 17:03:34 EST A new doc & more http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4920643 I’ve wanted to establish myself with a ‘real’ doctor for some time now. Around here, it seems like all you usually get to see are nurse practitioners or PA’s. Nothing against them, it just feels good to actually see a doctor sometimes. Anyway, thanks to someone kind enough to give me a referral, I found one. <BR> <BR> Three were a lot of things I liked on her web site, but at the same time, there were little hints here and there that said she might be a little pushier than I’d prefer. I ... Sun, 10 Jun 2012 20:46:29 EST Sodium or not eating enough during the day? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4909641 I was really fighting the binge monster last night. I won, but that was mainly because I was too lazy to go out and I couldn’t find ‘a partner in crime’ lol <BR> <BR> So initially I was wondering about sodium. If I eat highly processed sweets, it releases the binge monster. Of course, highly processed salty foods (like chips) make me want to keep eating that particular food. And yesterday we went to Oriental Palace for dinner… and needless to say my sodium count for the day was off the c... Sun, 3 Jun 2012 07:52:52 EST Oh-oh, I think it's going to happen again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4899264 I’m REALLY fighting the urge to go for some Oreos & Ice Cream. I KNOW better, BUT …. I’ve not had the best of days. I sure wish I could say there is a good reason for my not-so-good day, but there really isn’t. <BR> <BR> It started out okay. We went for the 2.99 breakfast at the Paradise (gambling boat). I was good…. A small spoon of scrambled eggs with some salsa, and lots of grapefruit (oh it was good – it’s been forever since I’ve had grapefruit). <BR> <BR> Then home and actually had... Sat, 26 May 2012 20:45:16 EST So why did I binge?! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4888753 DISCLAIMER: Please know that I am just thinking on ‘paper’ and creating a record for myself. I’m am NOT looking for someone to try and fix me OR to tell me how to interact with my therapist, etc. <BR> <BR> Employee appreciation day (Friday) is when I caved. I did well all day… until after the lunch/cookout. I caved and ate a candy bar; then had a couple bites of cake. Got off early and it was really hot – making me want ice cream (something cold). But I did things the DH wanted and h... Sat, 19 May 2012 16:37:19 EST A Happy Mother’s Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4879861 I have to say, I do believe this is probably the best Mother’s Day I’ve ever had. Mother’s day usually doesn’t get much attention around here; but today was different. <BR> <BR> We learned that DH’s mom, his sister, her kids and their kids meet at a local park each year on Mother’s day for a pot luck picnic, and we decided to join them. <BR> <BR> I had to work from 6 to 10 am this morning, and then we went to Barnes & Nobel, where I had a Java Chip Frappuccino (which I counted as my breakf... Sun, 13 May 2012 20:53:30 EST Blah, Humbug http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4878551 I am one odd duck! <BR> <BR> I’m getting in my usual amount of exercise with some plans to increase it some. My eating is well within range and the pounds are starting to drop again. Yet, I feel so blah and so down, I can hardly stand it. <BR> <BR> Finances continue to suck, the job continues to be VERY busy, and of course the drama there never ends. And to top it all off, my psych dr. is moving out of town/state and apparently I will be referred to a social worker. That’s a huge proble... Sat, 12 May 2012 17:39:42 EST Fire at work http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4848894 I got a call from my boss about 4 am this morning. I had just gotten up, still in my rob and headed for the Keurig, when the phone rang. She’s says, “There’s a fire in the therapy room and we need all available staff in to help evacuate.” <BR> <BR> I’m a good 25 minutes from work, so by the time I got there, all there all the residents had been evacuated and brought back into the building. Bad thing for the residents was that it was in the 30’s so even with blankets and such; they would ... Mon, 23 Apr 2012 21:40:16 EST Just a couple of things that made me smile this weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4827129 We had the grandsons… and the little one said a couple of things that made me smile. <BR> <BR> First, someone asked him how old he is. He said, "I just changed to four …. from three and a half" <BR> <BR> Then, we passed a truck and a police car with flashing lights on the side of the road. My grandson said, "He pulled him over because he was doing speed." Hmm… I guess doing speed might get a cop's attention, huh? LOL <BR> <BR> Anyway, had a great time watching the boys play, hunt for ... Mon, 9 Apr 2012 13:33:38 EST Why can’t I JUST DO IT? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4825801 I KNOW what to do…. <BR> <BR> - take it one step at a time, one goal at a time <BR> - say NO to myself when appropriate <BR> - drink lots of water <BR> - eat my veggies <BR> - don’t eat in the late evenings when I know I can’t stop with just one bit <BR> - exercise !!!! <BR> - log it, log it, log it <BR> - eat more fiber <BR> - eat less sugar <BR> - eat slowly <BR> - differentiate between hunger and want/appetite <BR> - do what *I* need to do regardless of what anyone else is doing. <BR> - p... Sun, 8 Apr 2012 16:21:50 EST Another weird dream http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4813134 I don’t know what to think of this one. Should I be concerned; is it a warning? Or is it just the result of not getting much sleep over the previous two nights? Or perhaps it was just a compilation of bits and pieces of things going on here and there? <BR> <BR> I wish I’d thought to write it down as soon as I woke up, because I don’t remember any of the little details. I just remember thinking that I’d just been diagnosed with both diabetes and cancer. I was just living day to day per u... Sat, 31 Mar 2012 05:56:03 EST Let's talk about talking (& more) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4807471 LOL, sounds funny, but that's a problem for me. Tonight is a therapy session, and I have such a hard time opening up. So my PLAN is to talk about talking. <BR> <BR> 1. I don’t really know what to talk about – most of the time <BR> 2. If there is something I want to talk about, I have a really hard time bringing it up. <BR> 3. Not sure why, but possibly… <BR> a. Partially because I have a hard time admitting what bugs me, and <BR> b. based on other conversations, I think I might be afraid ... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 14:25:30 EST Wonderful Weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4804564 I had a wonderful weekend (not food-wise, just in general). It’s now Sunday evening, I’m trying to remember what all we did, while sipping some Chamomile tea. Ah, so relaxed, and I hate to see it end. <BR> <BR> Let’s see, Friday I went in a little early so I could get off a little early. Got home, scooped up DH and went to DQ for a blizzard (BOGO, lol) and a talk. I wanted to talk about my goals and such. It went much better than expected; he actually participated in the talk, offered s... Sun, 25 Mar 2012 20:57:57 EST Goal Plans http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4801514 Goal <BR> Be as healthy as possible <BR> <BR> Obstacle <BR> ~ No energy <BR> ~ Short on time <BR> ~ Don't control what I eat <BR> ~ Doing what others want instead of what I want/need <BR> ~ Others who want to exercise with me don't want to, or can't, exercise at the same intensity level <BR> <BR> Action need <BR> ~ Need more energy <BR> ~ Need to make it a priority <BR> ~ Need to speak up re: what I want +/or agree to work at different levels <BR> <BR> Evaluation <BR> ~ Be able to run at l... Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:31:25 EST I have some of the best kids… http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4791407 I don’t know where they came from, lol, but I love them. I’m kind of thinking that way back when they were born, hospital security wasn’t all that great, so they could have easily been switched in the nursery, lol. <BR> <BR> My middle kid, Will, has been looking for a house +/or investment property and knows that we will do what we can to help. He was looking at a duplex that sounded like a real steal. The owner is a slum-lord who owns a total of about 450 properties. He’s wanting to sel... Fri, 16 Mar 2012 23:04:37 EST Best day in a long time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4781245 We went to Springfield today so that DH could work on one of DS#1’s rentals. We had breakfast with DS#2, and then dropped DH off at the rental. I usually end up hanging around to help and/or be an extra hand when needed, but not today. <BR> <BR> I then met DIL, Grandson’s (Gregory & Isaac), and DIL’s two sisters at the State Museum for ‘Super Saturday’ (children’s day). It started with a juggling act and during the last act when the juggler needed a volunteer, he selected Gregory. He wa... Sat, 10 Mar 2012 21:27:16 EST A little talk with DH http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4780100 I tried to get DH to give me a little insight to how this whole therapy thing works. I, of course, didn’t get as much info as I’d hoped, but did get perhaps a little more than I expected. <BR> <BR> I had to narrow down the questions before I could get any answers at all, but I did finally get out of him that he used to feel sad after sessions, but no longer feels that way. So I guess there’s hope for me. <BR> <BR> It seems that lately when I leave, I feel defeated and want to head for s... Sat, 10 Mar 2012 01:36:18 EST Mini meltdown and more random thoughts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4779155 I couldn’t shut my mind down to get to sleep. Bothersome thoughts had me wanting to meltdown, but soon realized that if I let that happen, I’d probably wake up with a headache, so…. Instead, I got up, took a tub bath, and here I am typing away. I’m sure I’ll regret this too, come 4 a.m. Oh well, it’ll just be one of my many regrets. What has happened to me? I never used to be such a negative person; at least I don’t think so. So why am I so negative now? Did I CHOOSE to be? Do I not wa... Fri, 9 Mar 2012 12:26:10 EST A hodge podge of thoughts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4777973 First off, this age of cell phones is so annoying. I mean, if you don’t have someone’s number, you can’t just grab a phonebook and look it up. You can’t even look it up online. I am in desperate need of a phone number and can’t seem to locate it. If anyone has this number, I’d be so grateful if you’d share it with me. His name is Will Power, and he seems to have just dropped off the face of the earth. If you should see him, please let him know I’m looking for him… or better yet, kidnap ... Thu, 8 Mar 2012 19:10:01 EST I'm so tired of being tired. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4764814 I don't really know what the problem is… and THAT is a problem. If I could identify my problem, maybe I could work on it. <BR> <BR> It seems so weird how my emotions can be on such a rollercoaster - a small one, but a rollercoaster all the same. I get a little stress relief and a glimmer of hope… and find myself feeling fairly normal and my appetite in check with a little energy. Then just the slightest increase in stress throws me for a loop. Which seems to lead to two or more things; S... Thu, 1 Mar 2012 08:43:40 EST I just don't understand me. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4760127 I had a nice time visiting with a friend this past weekend. Except that I really felt like quite the party pooper. I just really don't want to do much of anything these days. <BR> <BR> I guess that almost all of my life my leisure time activities have been pretty much by myself. I have crocheted, knitted a little, read a little, exercised a little, and so on. Time spent with others has either been pretty much silent (as in a group), or just talking. <BR> <BR> If you ask me what I FEEL... Mon, 27 Feb 2012 16:14:51 EST Laziness trumps Stress! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4749880 Yesterday I was a bit stressed about today. I put an offer in on a house for my son this morning. Anyway…. <BR> <BR> Last night I really wanted something. DH was supposed to go out to fill my car up with gas (for my trip today), and I fully intended on getting some sweet treats to feed my face while we were out. But he decided he was too tired and was going to it the morning instead. <BR> <BR> And I couldn’t get my lazy butt to leave the house to get something. So I ended up being good ... Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:21:50 EST Clarification, Discovery, and a Quandary… http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4744526 Okay, after my last couple blogs, I feel like I need to do some CLARIFICATION here. <BR> <BR> Vicki said, “I think Toon nailed it!” …and she couldn’t have been more right! <BR> <BR> Toonacat said, <BR> <BR> “Dee, I've been away for a bit and just now saw your blogs about housework and priority. … I enjoy having a clean and decluttered environment just as I enjoy having a lighter, stronger body. But dang it, somewhere, in my head, I have this feeling that "someone" is making me do what I d... Sat, 18 Feb 2012 09:30:23 EST Staying away from the computer is TOO hard for me... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4743933 No matter how hard I try, I doubt I'll be successful at staying away from the computer - no matter how guilty I let myself feel about being on it, I just can't stop. <BR> <BR> I suppose I can give up the games... that should reduce the time some... AND then no one can comment on my 'little computer games' <BR> <BR> Instead, I'll continue to spend time on the PAW challenge and logging my food at CK, blogging here, AND spending time on my friends' new private site. A place where I can be eve... Fri, 17 Feb 2012 19:55:32 EST I’m having a pity party … http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4741436 …and you’re not invited, LOL. I’m the only guest on the list. <BR> <BR> Since life is all about choices and I get to make those choices, I choose to have a good ole fashioned pity party. <BR> <BR> Disclaimer: This is just what I said it is… a pity party. Seriously, I’m not looking for anyone to console or correct me. I just need to vent and think in writing. <BR> <BR> I was going to skirt around what really started all of my stinkin’ thinkin’, but I’ve decided to just put it out there ... Thu, 16 Feb 2012 09:12:08 EST Review of my progress (& lack of) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4723953 I decided to review my progress – Reader’s Digest style, lol <BR> <BR> And here it is… <BR> <BR> Year -- begin -- end --change <BR> 2005 -- 320 -- 205 -> -115 <BR> 2006 -- 202 -- 180 -> -22 --Sept-Oct = 164# = -38 Jan-Oct (-156 since 2005) <BR> 2007 -- 179 -- 200 -> +21 <BR> 2008 -- 198 -- 222 -> +24 <BR> 2009 -- 224 -- 244 -> +20 <BR> 2010 -- 247 -- 264 -> +17 <BR> 2011 -- 262 -- 266 -> +4 <BR> 2012 -- 266 -- 254 -> -12 so far-as of <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> I began at 320 + in a... Sun, 5 Feb 2012 18:56:55 EST Wishing for a dream… http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4721310 …but no dreams tonight. Not with Sir Snores-a-lot ! Tomorrow ought to be fun. It’s already about 3 hours past my usual bedtime and I’m not sure I’ll make it to bed any time soon. Ugh! <BR> <BR> Sunday through Thursday I get to sleep alone so that I can SLEEP and be rested for work. But no rest for me on the weekends. I’m guessing I’ll end up on the couch tonight … because I refuse to go downstairs to that mess of a room he sleeps in through the week (a mess he has produced and I want n... Sat, 4 Feb 2012 00:11:48 EST Plugging along…. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4717225 I’ve been doing amazing well at staying in my calorie range the past couple weeks. Not sure why… Still pretty much feeling pretty numb about the whole thing. <BR> <BR> I have been more motivated to TRY to get in more exercise and have even attended two of the CXWorks classes (core workouts) – very hard, but only a half hour long. Now if I can only get energy and scheduling opportunities to merge – the whole exercise thing should pick up a bit. <BR> <BR> Not a whole lot going on right now.... Wed, 1 Feb 2012 19:52:36 EST Am I really worthless…? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4700666 …or more accurately, is that how I really see myself? Should I let myself be defined by that word? <BR> <BR> FYI before I start: My questions are aimed at myself. I could already guess how well-meaning readers would answer them. <BR> <BR> I have never thought of myself as a person with a sense of worthlessness, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. The reflection I get from others of myself is not always the same opinion I have of myself. Right now I’m not so sure…I take that back… I A... Tue, 24 Jan 2012 09:20:44 EST Two good weeks; can I make it three? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4687336 The last couple weeks have been pretty good. I've been closer to my calorie target (averaging in the upper range of the target), and exercise has been okay. I've been trying to move at least a little more… taking extra trips, etc. at work and just walking faster to make up for the time lost. <BR> <BR> I'm still pretty much feeling the 'whatever' attitude, but I suppose that's neither here nor there. <BR> <BR> My concern is that my appetites been pretty much in check. If it decides to fla... Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:53:08 EST Whatever… http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4682453 That’s the way I feel. <BR> <BR> I’ve done very well this week. Exercise has been a little more intense. I’ve made a point to move more at work by taking more trips to/from other parts of the building. And I’ve averaged (so far) 1808 cals a day with a target range of 1485-1815. <BR> <BR> You’d think that I would feel great about such a good week, but I feel neither good nor bad… just kind of neutral/numb. But I guess it doesn’t really matter how I FEEL as long as I’m making progress, ... Sun, 15 Jan 2012 16:38:16 EST Who took the family jewels? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4626504 I used to have the jewels to turn things down, but seem to have misplaced them somewhere. <BR> <BR> For example: Tuesday I was to shop with DD, and between work and shopping we needed to fit dinner in. In an effort to be 'good' I thought of a place that makes an excellent skinless fried chicken (a great compromise in my book, lol). What I had forgotten was…. that they also have a great selection of homemade desserts. Ugh! <BR> <BR> DD and DH were both there and DD especially wanted s... Thu, 15 Dec 2011 08:59:43 EST Weekend in review http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4571479 Friday = pretty good. <BR> <BR> Off work and to Physical Therapy appointment, this went really well. He worked on loosening up my elbow a bit and it really increased my range of motion. Now if it’ll only stay that way. Then we ran a couple errands and had some dinner. By the time I remembered it was Bible study night, it was a little too late to go. Oh well, I was undecided as to whether I wanted to go by myself anyway. <BR> <BR> Saturday = was excellent. <BR> <BR> Had breakfast and t... Sun, 6 Nov 2011 17:31:08 EST Why is advice is so much easier to give than receive/take/DO? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4564590 Why is advice is so much easier to give than receive/take/DO? <BR> <BR> A minor point: <BR> <BR> I have suggested to DH to include some positives when he journals. However, it seems that I don't seem motivated enough to blog when things are going well. Why? Is that I don't want to jinx things? Is it that I just don’t' feel the need? <BR> <BR> I had finally had about one week of good/pretty good eating. I either stayed in range or was a lot less over than I had been the past couple m... Wed, 2 Nov 2011 08:59:15 EST PAW question of the day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4554322 What do you do when old childhood insecurities or shame pops up out of nowhere? Do you find you want to eat, or have you learned new ways to cope? <BR> <BR> I've never even considered what my 'childhood insecurities' are. I suppose my childhood insecurity is people pleasing. I never wanted to disappoint my mom - she was very loving, yet very good at the guilt thing (intentional or unintentional, idk). <BR> <BR> My inclination is to turn to food for comfort, no matter how temporary that is. ... Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:34:53 EST Finally a good day :-) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4552698 Finally a good day :-) <BR> I stayed within my limits yesterday. The hour or so before bedtime is the hardest. <BR> <BR> One day does not a pattern make; but at least it’s a start; Hopefully, lol. <BR> <BR> Started today ready to face the world, but as the day goes on, I'm wearing down. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Random thoughts: <BR> <BR> I don't know why I'm blogging today; I haven't got much to say. <BR> <BR> Arm feels like it might be at least a little less inflamed today. Today I s... Tue, 25 Oct 2011 14:33:45 EST What’s in a name and does it really mean anything? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4547207 Compulsive Overeating <BR> Binge eating disorder <BR> Depression <BR> Exercise Bulimia <BR> <BR> I’m sure there’s more, but perhaps I’ll just add…. “just plain crazy” to complete the list. <BR> <BR> A recent email from Dr. Weil’s site was on Compulsive Overeating. I felt a little shocked when I could relate to EVERYTHING on the list. <BR> <BR> <BR> “Doctors generally agree that most people with binge eating problems often: <BR> <BR> - Feel their eating is out of control (yep) <BR> - Eat... Fri, 21 Oct 2011 22:41:38 EST Motivation & timing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4546212 <BR> A typical day… <BR> <BR> Wake up and push through the cold air. (I am trying to wait as long as possible before having to turn the heat on as the seasons change.) Continue on autopilot as I get dressed, and ready for the gym. Get to the gym and do an easy 20-30 minute workout in the water; still pretty much on autopilot, listening to whatever my friend wants to talk about. <BR> <BR> Then off to work we go. As I work, I have moments where I think about what I'll do that evening. P... Fri, 21 Oct 2011 09:44:56 EST Has anyone seen my willpower? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4528424 Has anyone seen my willpower? It's got to be around here somewhere. I know I had an ample supply at one time: Enough to get me from 320 to 164. I think someone stole it from me a little at a time. At first they replaced what they took with a placebo, making me THINK I still had an ample supply. I'd think, 'that's okay, I won't gain enough to pass _____# (the next 10 # mark).' What a false sense of security I had. <BR> <BR> I'm pretty sure that it is because my focus shifted from being... Mon, 10 Oct 2011 12:31:51 EST Ah-ha! 'Anger turned inward' http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4518446 <BR> As I responded to a PM, I identified one of my issues. I've kind of known it, but just couldn't put my finger on how to describe it. <BR> <BR> It's 'Anger turned inward'. I'm a very non-confrontational person. I am working on that (mostly at work) - trying to confront when absolutely needed. I think this is also why I can describe myself as the Queen of Sarcasm; because of all the thoughts that go through my head as I refrain from confrontation. I get mad at someone who I don'... Tue, 4 Oct 2011 08:28:48 EST Ramblings and wonderings http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4517392 Ramblings and wonderings <BR> <BR> [Disclaimer - JUST VENTING - Not looking for someone to provide solutions] <BR> <BR> I am so tired of being tired, and so tired of my own attitude. <BR> Why is my attitude so bad? I find myself thinking wrong thoughts every time I turn around. And I feel tired, especially on work days and find myself not wanting to go to work. Once I get there, I MAY be okay once I get going; other days, I just can't get going. <BR> <BR> -Is it that I'm mad at myself ... Mon, 3 Oct 2011 16:52:44 EST Bad attitude http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4475909 My attitude is so bad, it's no wonder I can't do what I should with food and exercise. <BR> <BR> There's got to be more to it than what's on the surface, but what? <BR> <BR> Two weeks ago, I was really looking forward to Bible study (it only meets every two weeks), but DH didn't want to go, so we didn't. Every since then I've felt agitated, grumpy, and trapped. I've done a lot of self talk, but it's not done much good. I've told myself that I could have tried to find it/went by myself, a... Fri, 9 Sep 2011 16:41:00 EST Needed: Mood control ;-) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4452644 Healthy Living <BR> Not much new here. Still doing a little exercise most mornings and still making poor food choices. I’d like to think what others think/say don’t bother me, but I really think at least one person, who openly voices that a healthy life style is unreasonable is starting to get to me. For the most part though, I think I’m just procrastinating the wrong things. At one time I used to choose the good stuff, telling myself that ‘maybe next time’ I will order the not-so-good stu... Sun, 28 Aug 2011 11:33:03 EST To blog, or not to blog… http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4446277 <BR> Part of me feels like I need to get back to blogging regularly. Another part says I don't like to blog negativity and most my thought are either negative or depressing, so just forget it. AND I like my blogs to be organized, but my thoughts are so scattered these days, I doubt that would happen either. <BR> <BR> What the heck, let's give it a try ;-) <BR> <BR> Healthy Living <BR> I've had the hungries for the past couple days or so and having a hard time restricting my eating to on... Wed, 24 Aug 2011 16:39:44 EST A Brag and a boo boo. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4374608 My Brag <BR> <BR> I came in 2nd at work for the weight loss contest and won the highest percentage loss prize. ($250) <BR> <BR> The guy who came in first lost 29.5 lbs in 10 weeks, which was 3 pounds more than I lost. His percent loss was 0.4% more than what I lost, but you can collect the prize for one category... so Yay me!! <BR> <BR> So now if I can keep it up and not lose my motivation (or get new motivation) <BR> <BR> Now for my boo boo :o <BR> <BR> I planned yesterday and knew it... Wed, 20 Jul 2011 10:46:25 EST Sobbing over the salt http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4353587 Okay, so not ‘sobbing,’ lol, but I did really over-do it with the salt this weekend. I’ve been being so good, keeping my sodium around 2000 or less. THEN this weekend, Oh my, I not only ate out too much, but got into the potato chips both days. I hate to see what the scale is going to say in the morning. This morning it was up about 3lbs. Good news is that even though I went over my calorie target today, overall (on average), I’m still well within my limits for the past couple weeks or s... Sun, 10 Jul 2011 18:13:08 EST Trip to Costa Rica http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4341244 Trip to Costa Rica. I was gone for nine days and don’t know how to make this short – OM! Not sure where to start, so maybe I’ll just categorize: <BR> <BR> ----------- <BR> - Sleep - <BR> ----------- <BR> <BR> Started out with no sleep…. And it pretty much stayed that way. We just didn’t seem motivated and didn’t pack until the last day (Thursday 16th) and we had to be at the church by 1:30 AM Friday morning to load the vans and head for Chicago. I MIGHT have gotten a whole 2-3 hours sle... Mon, 4 Jul 2011 21:07:06 EST