DEB4299's SparkPeople Blog

My turn

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:09:33 EST

For so many years, too many really, eveyone else came first. By the time I was finished doing for eveyone, I had nothing left for me. Through Melanoma, Squamous cell carcinoma, and breast cancer twice I never took the time to take care of me. Two days after a mastectomy I was sitting at my desk, working from home. I worked all through 7 weeks of radiation treatments. I worked through 8 weeks of daily treatment at a wound care facility. Recently I've discovered how much resentment I was carryi...

Looking for a new me

Sat, 3 Nov 2012 09:21:18 EST

I have been here before, many times as a matter of fact. I get excited about starting a new plan and stick to it for about 2 weeks. Then I am sick of depriving myself of all the foods I love and tired of trying to stick to an exercise plan that I can' t keep up with. And I am back where I started with any progress I made gone and the pounds lost back on again. I have to find a way to make the lifestyle change needed to make this work.

Vacation

Sun, 24 Jun 2012 09:28:43 EST

Today starts my much needed 1 week vacation that I get a year. I need more, but I only get paid for one week. I am hoping to get myself on track with eating and exercising during this week. Saturday will be a challenge due to my son's graduation party, but I still think I can stay on track. the big problem will be my house full of family that will undoubtedly make me frazzled and forget my goals if I am not careful. But this is the perfect opportunity for me to collect my thoughts and some ne...

Mother's Day

Sat, 12 May 2012 15:53:11 EST

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, just another day for a lot of people. In our house it's a low key celebration. Two out of my three children don't live near me. The one that does live with me is 18, and very self-absorbed. My husband, who works 6 days a week about 12 hours a day, is the only person who will be around tomorrow. And if we were to stay home, he would sleep most of the day out of sheer exhaustion. He told me last night he wanted us to just get in the car and drive. Just go wherever we f...

Self esteem and going to the mountains

Fri, 11 May 2012 15:40:51 EST

Lately my self esteem is so low, and no one around me is helping it out at all. Since the mastectomy I've struggled with my body image, who wouldn't. But all of a sudden it's so much worse. I am having a terrible time sticking to the eating plan ( diet, let's call it what it is). And exercise is the last thing I want to do; I do it, but my heart isn't in it. My prosthesis rubs against my scar when I am exercising and that just makes it hurt. Then I get irritated and my mood gets worse. Then i...

Sunday

Sun, 6 May 2012 11:41:12 EST

I love Sunday (until about 8 pm when I realize that it's back to work in 10 hours). But today I won't let it get it me. Today I am going to see Phantom of the Opera in Grand Ledge with my son. His friend is in the play ( high school), and I just saw a story about it on the local news this morning. It cost over $80,000. to put on this play and that might explain the ticket price! But Nate is a senior and the opportunity to do these things with him will disappear very soon. Had a big breakfast,...

Last of my freedom

Sat, 9 Jul 2011 14:52:33 EST

I'm spending the last two days of my freedom before I return to work after seven weeks off. i went in today to take in the materials I've used while working at home. I took the opportunity to straighten up my desk. Monday will be difficult enough without dealing with a messy desk too. I think it would all be easier if I didn't have to still go to wound care every day and see doctors all the time. I want to get back to normal, but my life may never be normal again and I need to get with that. ...

Am I ready?

Wed, 6 Jul 2011 09:52:32 EST

In 5 more days I return to work after being off for 7 weeks. I wonder if I'm really ready. Physically I'm sure I'm ready, emotionally not so sure. In my family you don't go seeking support outside the home. So my hubby has been my support. He has been working since the week after my surgery. But I have always been with him before he went and after he came home. Now I have to go back to not seeing him Monday through Friday. I leave before he gets up. He leaves before I get home. I go to bed be...

New week, new me

Tue, 5 Jul 2011 10:10:03 EST

I woke up this morning determined to make it a good week. This is my last week at home; next Monday I go back to work. Am I ready? I don't know. Wearing a bra and breast form is still difficult. Going without it is out of the question. But, I made the decision not to see the breast surgeon one more time before she leaves the state. I switched to a doctor at the wound care center until this is healed. And now off to take Mother to her doctor appointment. Seems like that's all we do. But not ne...

Lonely day

Fri, 1 Jul 2011 15:16:31 EST

Today is the first day since I've been off work that I can actually say I'm lonely. Hubby went to work early, son went to friend's house and Mom (who lives next door) went off for the weekend with a friend. Up until now when I found myself alone, I would just take a nap and read. Must be I'm about ready to go back to work. Crap. 24

Back again

Thu, 30 Jun 2011 10:13:22 EST

Well, it has been a difficult year so far. Diagnosed again with cancer, breast for the 2 nd time. Needless to say, They had to remove the breast this time. They also did a lumpectomy of the other one to rule out cancer due to a suspicious spot on the mammogram. The lumpectomy was on May 2nd and has never healed. Doctor said first a haematoma, then an abscess. I,ve been going to a wound care clinic everyday for a month now. I have to go back to work on the 11th of July, so here's hoping it hur...

all done for now

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 11:11:58 EST

I am back from the doctor and it wasn't that bad. Because it was caught so early, I didn't need surgery. Instead he did a chemical freeze ( which is really a chemical burn ). It will blister up about the size of a half dollar, then form a scab which will fall off in pieces in about 3 weeks. That is better than stitches, but it hurts none the less at the start. By the end of today it shouldn't be too bad. So in a couple of hours we'll be off to see my daughter for the weekend.

vacation day 3

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 08:42:44 EST

Today I am going to the mall with my mother. I will get my exercise and she will get to shop. Trip to the zoo yesterday was great. The road construction was ridiculous; delays, detours all added about an hour each way to the trip. We left home at 9 am and got back at 7 pm. But we enjoyed the animals and the walking . The kids, my son and his friend, had a good time too. Tomorrow is the minor surgery and trip to daughter's. This vacation will be over before I know it, and that makes me sad. I ...

Zoo

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 07:33:23 EST

Today we are going to the zoo in Toledo. We wanted to go to Columbus, but 4 hours in the car each way seemed like too much. my son and his friend are going with us so this should be fun. Mom agreed to babysit for the dogs while we are gone. It's going to be hot which means a lot of the animals will be in hiding, but we only have this week for vacation so we are trying to make the most of it. 311

Vacation, yeah!!

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 07:36:02 EST

Today is the first day of my week long vacation, finally. We have nothing planned for today other than laundry and resting up. Tomorrow we are planning a trip to the zoo. I think my Mother wants me to take her shopping on Thursday. And of course Friday is minor surgery followed by a trip to visit my daughter. Just not getting up and going to work is the best part. 334

vacation

Sat, 10 Jul 2010 09:00:50 EST

One more day of work and I finally get my one week vacation. I was supposed to be on vacation now, but my boss decided he wanted to take his wife for a 4 day weekend to celebrate their 40th anniversary and as usual couldn't say no. So I agreed to take my vacation from Tues. to Tues. The only snag in the whole week is that Friday I have to have that skin cancer surgery. But I am still going to see my daughter and her husband in their new home after the surgery. I have my boo-boo buddy icing u...

3 Strikes?

Sun, 4 Jul 2010 07:45:56 EST

I'm seriously hoping that the 3 strikes and you're out rule doesn't apply here. The month of June went by really fast, since I had a doctor appointment every Wednesday in June. I had what I thought looked like a bad mole in the middle of my back, so I went in for the doctor to check it. She said it was just an age spot ( oh great ), but that she thought a different one looked funny to her. So I went back for a biopsy. In the meantime I found one on my lower abdomen that I thought looked diffe...

still here

Wed, 2 Jun 2010 19:40:48 EST

Still here, but I have been so busy that I don't even get on the computer when I'm home. And I cannot go on the internet at work except to contact my bosses. So, I haven't found the time for keeping up with Sparkpeople. I've slipped up a few times in the past weeks, but all in all I am still exercising and eating healthy. Have my grandson Zachary's 1st birthday party to go to next weekend, looking forward to that. Allergies are kicking my butt, I spend all day stuffed up and head achy. That's...

Back on track

Tue, 11 May 2010 19:02:16 EST

Yesterday I woke at 4:30 am., like I do every Monday, and thought long and hard about how I've been handling my days. I hate getting up at 4:30 and 5:30 every day. I really don't like a few aspects of my job, but all in all it's not a bad job. I love my family. And I want to lose weight and get back in shape. I quit smoking over 5 years ago now, and that was supposed to be the beginning of getting healthy. Instead the weight kept going up, and I got less and less active. Then 3 years ago came...

Mother's Day

Sun, 9 May 2010 08:39:23 EST

I hope all the Mothers are having great days today. I personally feel that it should be Mother's day everyday of the year. If all mothers were treated with respect and showered with gifts everyday, we would be so happy. But then the kids and fathers would all be grumpy all the time, so I guess that's why we only get a day a year. Not planning on doing anything else today; a little exercise and playing with the dogs, that's it. Actually living dangerously, letting hubby plan and execute the m...

still trying

Thu, 6 May 2010 19:14:15 EST

I guess I'm going to stick it out and keep trying here on Spark People. I had a couple of bad weeks at work, and my son has had a bad upper respiratory infection. But, I guess things are better at work and Nate is feeling better. Now we're looking forward to my daughter Amy visiting this weekend. And by Monday I should be good and ready for dieting and exercise, I hope.

Unsafe?

Wed, 5 May 2010 19:27:09 EST

Has anyone else had security issues with being on Sparkpeople lately? I have now had 3 security issues on 3 separate occasions. First a virus infected a computer I was using. Then a 2nd virus attempted to infect my home computer. Today a file attempted to start up when I logged into Sparkpeople. I'm getting very leery about being on this site. I may decide not to use Sparkpeople from now on due to this issue. 46

Lazy Sunday

Sun, 2 May 2010 13:36:23 EST

Workout done, shower taken, breakfast cleaned up. Now to enjoy the day. First a trip to the store to get my son some cold medicine. I thought I was getting sick a couple days age, but it never really grabbed me. Nate is sick!! Aches all over, stuffy head, sore throat, etc. He seems to get sick more often than I do. He's going to miss our trip to Red Lobster this afternoon for our Mother's Day celebration. We never try to go out on Mother's Day; it's too crowded and Charley my hubby can cook (...

Solitary

Sat, 1 May 2010 14:04:56 EST

Yep, hubby had to work today. But for some reason it's not bothering me this time. In fact, I am enjoying it. Cleaned the house this morning, I am not doing housework next weekend, it's Mother's day. Don't know what Nate and I are having for supper, but I'll figure something out later. It was cloudy all morning, but just a few minutes ago the sun came out. Actually not a bad looking day now. I'm going to sit down and read when I finish here. Feels like a good day.

Basic training

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 07:38:30 EST

I finally slept good last night. It felt really good! And I realized just how much that simple good night of sleep meant to me. The basics, eating right, getting some exercise every day and a good night's sleep are what I am going to strive to achieve. Some exercise doesn't mean I have to run a marathon every day, just get moving for a while. Eating right doesn't mean I can't have a treat if I want it, just work it into the total calorie tally for the day. And good sleep, that is really impor...

still hoping

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 18:40:25 EST

I am still hoping to get on track with this, but right now nothing is working right. I feel depressed, and everything is driving me nuts; the son, the dogs, work, literally everything. I exercise, but I am really not enjoying it. I have to drag myself through my workouts. I am not sleeping well at all, and I feel exhausted at the end of the day. I do great with my eating until about 7 pm. Then I have to fight with myself to stay out of the kitchen. I'm sure this will pass, but I just don't kn...

Sinking

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 07:23:07 EST

I feel like I'm sinking into a pit. I haven't felt good since Monday; achy all over, not sleeping good, usually have a headache by mid-afternoon. I've stuck to my eating plan, exercised everyday, I don't know what's going on. I have no energy and I just want to sit on the couch. I don't feel like doing anything. I still exercise but it doesn't seem to revive me like it did. Most of the day I feel like I'm walking through quick sand. I guess I'll just stick to the plan; eat right and exercise ...

I feel like I'm sinking

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 07:18:54 EST

I have tried to make good choices. I follow a good healthy eating plan. I exercise 4 to 6 days a week. I have totally curbed the evening eating. Yet, since Monday I have not felt good. I feel like I am slowly sinking into a pit. I have no energy, I'm not sleeping good, I'm achy all over. I usually have a headache by mid-afternoon. I actually ate a piece of pizza yesterday at lunch, and I felt really good for a few hours after that, but I feel cruddy again today. My journal doesn't hold any ke...

Off day

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 21:11:38 EST

That's off day, not day off. I haven't felt that great all day. Headache, body aches, fuzzy thinking, etc. Just didn't feel right all day. I ate okay, and I exercised after work. I'm tired, but I don't feel like I'm sleepy. This is not the end of the world, and it is not a reason to eat junk food or skip exercises. I just want to go to work and not feel like crap. I want to come home from work and feel energized enough to really put in a great workout. Thankfully this wasn't a strength traini...

Improvement

Sun, 18 Apr 2010 07:34:36 EST

I am thoroughly enjoying this weekend. Charley didn't have to work, and it is too cold to do much outside, so we've done some things together. Yesterday we went to breakfast, and took Mom along of course ( son Nate sleeps too late for that - his loss ). Charley had a skillet breakfast; too many calories and way too much fat for me. But his birthday was April 6th, and this was his "birthday breakfast". Mom followed my suit and had silver dollar pancakes with sugar free syrup and 2 strips of ba...

Support

Thu, 15 Apr 2010 07:52:01 EST

I learned today where my major support lies. Thank you to everyone who offered their support and views after last night's blog. My husband means well, I know that. But I think I know best what is right for me. And I think this site offers me the best advice on how to conduct this journey. This isn't a diet and exercise plan; this is life. This is how I need to conduct my life from now on. I don't want to have to go through a 3rd bout with cancer. I want to stay healthy and live a long time. I...

Confusion

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 19:58:01 EST

I am living in a constant state of confusion. I think I am doing okay; following a healthy eating plan and getting exercise everyday. Then, when I stall out on the scale I mention to my husband ( who is also trying to drop some weight ) that I seem to be having some trouble. I asked ( yea, not the smartest move I know ) if he had any ideas. Oh boy, did he have ideas. First I should eat only about 900 calories for my 3 meals, and have a 150 - 200 calorie snack if I absolutely have to. I should...

taking back my life

Tue, 13 Apr 2010 08:28:25 EST

You know how sometimes when you have 5 minutes to think, it occurs to you that it's the first 5 minutes you've had to do anything in a long time? That's my life. Teenage son ( spoiled teenage son, my fault but still a problem ). Mom next door, who does fine on her own most of the time, but lately she has a problem with her phone and seems to want me to solve it. I asked if she called the phone company, and no not yet. The dogs need walking, and of course the spoiled son is in the middle of so...

Monday

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 18:44:25 EST

I have come to hate Mondays. I get up at 4:30 am, am at work at 6 am., work until 3 pm., I get home by 3:30 pm, but am so tired I have to push myself to do my workout. But I did it. Then I fixed a healthy supper that even my teenager liked. Now I will probably fall asleep on the couch within an hour or so. My babies ( the dogs ) will climb up beside me, and the warmth and peace will put me right out. But, I guess it's okay when you've had a good Monday, to take a nap on the sofa. The rest of...

Renewal

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 08:28:20 EST

Proof that spring has sprung; my neighbor's cherry trees are starting to blossom. We wait every year for this beautiful sign of spring, and I noticed it this morning. Today it is cloudy and cool with a chance of rain. But my spirits are soaring because the first thing I saw when I opened the curtains this morning were those trees. I didn't notice the burned out hulk sitting 2 blocks down the street that has been there since January when we lost a block of our town to a devastating fire. I did...

Relaxing

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 14:45:51 EST

It took me a while to figure this out. No matter what the situation, a calm approach is almost always the best. At the start of the day yesterday I thought I would never get through it. The problems staring me in the face seemed insurmountable. But by the middle of the afternoon, I had it all figured out. And first thing this morning it was all taken care of. I was able to enjoy the weekend, I haven't really enjoyed a weekend in a while. No agenda, just doing whatever I fell like doing. This ...

amazing

Fri, 9 Apr 2010 14:27:52 EST

Today had one of the worst starts in history. Long story short; trouble with internet company that my son signed up with for a game trial a month ago. Two weeks ago he cancelled the game. Today the company charged my account not once but 10 times. Forget the fact that he had cancelled; TEN times!!! Needless to say overdraft protection had to be utilized and I about lost my mind. Then he gets an e-mail apologizing for the multiple charges on some subscribers accounts. I made the trip to the ba...

Abandoned again

Thu, 8 Apr 2010 07:09:37 EST

I am beginning to hate my husband's work place. This week he is working 12 hour days, which it goes without saying, leaves him no time for anything. He empties the plastic containers from his lunchbag, and piles them on the counter. He drops his clothes on the floor and goes to bed. This will continue all week, where quite possibly he will have to work on Saturday also. That leaves me with a 40 hour work week, all the shopping and laundry and housework. Now the basement is full of water ( ha...

reaction

Wed, 7 Apr 2010 07:40:15 EST

I think my body is finally reacting to my efforts. I did some new exercises tshe last 2 days, and I am sore. But, that feeling tells me that those muscles were in need. My clothes are starting to fit differently too. I purposely decided not to use my scale this month, I'll get back on it in May. But for this month I want to pay attention to how my body feels, and how my clothes fit, etc. I'm also trying new recipes and new foods this month. New exercises, new foods = new me? Maybe. 319

Springtime

Tue, 6 Apr 2010 07:35:29 EST
Yeah, it's spring. With spring comes thunderstorms. Last night we had a doozy. During the height of the storm we lost power. I laid awake and watched the lightening. It was really something. Scared the dogs, they both wanted to come into our bed; which they know is a no-no. But, I kept wondering if my battery back-up was going to turn on my alarm at the right time this morning. Needless to say I didn't sleep much. But at 5:30 on came my alarm. Unfortunately, we still didn't have any power. I...

knowing and doing; 2 different things

Mon, 5 Apr 2010 19:34:07 EST
I know exactly what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to eat healthy, and exercise daily in order to be at my best. So what do I do when I literally cannot find the energy to exercise. I wanted to go for 2 ten minute walks today while at work. I'm entitled to 2 breaks and a lunch when I work an 8 hour day, which is everyday. But, when I want to go take that break, no one is around to cover receiving. I feel like a whiner when I have to call someone to come and cover for me. I've tried discus...

Happy Easter

Sun, 4 Apr 2010 14:42:14 EST
Happy Easter everyone. The family has gone home, and the house is back in order. The laundry is going and it is quiet. I do believe that I am ready for the work routine to begin again. Overate a bit, but all in all had a good time. 448 449

Finding peace

Fri, 2 Apr 2010 07:33:34 EST
I am going to try something; being at peace with my situation. Problems keep cropping up preventing me from having that 30 minute block of me time everyday after work. So, okay, I need to figure out how to work in the exercise on the weekdays. Weekends are no problem, CHarley and I exercise together. But we work opposite shifts all week long and do not see each other. And there is too much going on right now to concentrate on myself. But, I will get this figured out. Maybe it's time to start ...

weekend

Thu, 1 Apr 2010 19:21:16 EST
Normally I look forward to the weekend. And I always look forward to holidays. But financial issues, no time to clean the house properly, 2 dirty dogs who need baths, and an ungrateful unruly teenager are zapping me. I find it hard to look forward to the weekend when company is coming and I can't get anything done. It's too late for me to start cleaning tonight; I'm about an hour and a half away from bed time. Maybe I can get out of work early tomorrow and get things done before they arrive.

Back on track

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 07:40:23 EST
What a difference 24 hours can make! Today I feel back on track. Yesterday got much better as the day went on. I seem to be back to the healthy eating and exercising with no trouble at all. I think maybe I had a virus, because now hubby seems to have it. He texted me yesterday that he had a sore throat, and felt tired and weak. He went to work, of course, his company has a point system. Calling in sick gets you a point. SOme system, huh? Anyway, I think I am back on track and heading in the r...

Therapy

Tue, 30 Mar 2010 07:37:59 EST
I am in need of therapy; the professional kind. I need to know why, when I have such a good eating plan drawn up, I can't just stick to it. I am always adding one more snack, or munching while I feed the animals. I am still exercising, but not as hard or as regularly as I was. This is important to me, I really want to lose the weight and feel fit again. So why am I becoming my own worst enemy? Sometimes I can figure these things out by just blogging; the answer will come to me as I type. But...

focus

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 07:56:01 EST
Sometime over the weekend I seemed to have gotten my focus back. I woke up this morning ( at 4:30 my usual Monday time ), jumped in the shower, ate my healthy breakfast, got to work, things are going well. For a Monday I'd say this is a good thing. The weather is warming up this week, so getting the dogs out for walks will be fun. Kids are coming on Friday for the Easter weekend. My outlook is good. Now if there are no monkey wrenches this week, for a change, it could be a good week. 449<...

Not so bad

Sun, 28 Mar 2010 07:41:02 EST
Ok, so it wasn't so bad not having Charley to help yesterday. Mom and I went to the store ( didn't like carrying the groceries myself, but did get Nate my 16 year old to help !). Then I had to put them away by myself, again didn't like that much. But then I had some lunch, and Charley came home and the day got better. We watched the movie Old Dogs last night, just hilarious. Looking forward to exercising together this morning after breakfast. Then I don't know what's going on, but at least we...

alone again

Sat, 27 Mar 2010 07:58:18 EST
I always look forward to Saturday, because it's the day that hubby and I get to do things together. We usually take my Mom along, but we're together. Not today, he's working. We need the money, so I can't complain to him. But it's more fun running errands with him than without. Oh well, off to the exercises, alone. 311

Yeah, it's Friday

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 07:42:07 EST
Finally Friday is here. Yeah. I can't wait to get today over with, go home, and start the weekend. I eat healthier on the weekend, I work out with more vigor on the weekend. In general I feel better on the weekend. I have a lot of housework to do ( more exercise!! ), and some planning for the week, and for Easter. All in all, I just can't wait to get to the weekend,