DANCINGFLAMES's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=DANCINGFLAMES DANCINGFLAMES's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ First 5K http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5714679 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2022745349.jpg">I completed my very first 5K this past weekend. I walked the entire thing but I finished it and had fun. I did the Color Run in Louisville. I was completely covered in color by the end and so tired. I worked the night before and then went to the 5K. I slept two hours afterwards and then spent time with my sister and cousin. I didn't get to sleep until 3am Sunday morning. I did sleep pretty well Sunday and had a movie night wi... Tue, 10 Jun 2014 04:09:30 EST Resurfacing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710220 It's been a few months and I've been MIA on here. There have been alot of changes and most of them in the past month. I now have a roommate, which is great because I can save money to use for working on the house. She wants to get healthy so we can cook and eat healthy meals together. I am now dating a guy that I've known a while. He is really nice and we have a ton in common. I like that he thinks that I'm great just the way that I am but supports my efforts to be healthier. We're going to r... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 03:58:32 EST Moving on, and looking forward http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5622570 It has been quite a while since my last blog post. I've had some ups and downs, but I'm hanging in there. I'm moving towards a better place mentally, and the physical with follow. I'm still not hitting the gym and I'm still spending too much time sleeping but I'm slowly getting better. I've stopped eating fast food for every meal. I'm eating smaller portions and my blood sugar is doing better because of it. I just have to keep making small changes that will eventually lead to bigger results. ... Wed, 12 Feb 2014 20:01:24 EST 2014, A Year to Heal and Deal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5569521 It has taken me alot of tears and sleepless days to get here but I'm here. I'm to the point where I can clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel, and no it's not a train. I'm finally getting used to being alone in my house, it's starting to feel normal. I still may not know exactly what to do with myself most of the time, but I'm starting to figure it out. I had someone ask me Thursday why I keep punching myself in the face, in reference to why I keep hurting myself by not taking care o... Sat, 21 Dec 2013 21:22:46 EST Quick Update - 11.19.13 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5544883 I'm back to making changes around the house, I want to be able to host people without feeling embarrassed about my house. I painted on the kitchen and plan to finish it this week. Then I'll be on to another room. Today I'll be cooking so I don't go for fast food. I can't be trusted to order anything that isn't terrible for me. <BR> <BR> Tue, 19 Nov 2013 04:18:33 EST It's about time; no really, time matters http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5519952 I waste alot of time trying to avoid doing things. I jump from p[roject to project wthout finishing until I have so many things going at once that I get overwhelmed. It's not productive at all. So I've decided to take things one at a time until they are 100% complete. I have to learn to be patient and finish things. I have a schedule planned for my days, and I really need to start sticking with it. <BR> <BR> 2:00pm - Wake up <BR> 2:15pm - Eat Breakfast <BR> 2:45pm - Go to Y <BR> 3:00pm - Do... Tue, 22 Oct 2013 01:54:54 EST Natural Bridge State Park Hike http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5518224 Here are the pictures that I took during my hike. <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/1/l312780885.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/8/1/l811214910.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1184965932.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/9/l492972109.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/3/l53962977.jpg"> Sun, 20 Oct 2013 04:23:42 EST I'm taking small steps, but they will carry me forward. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5515754 NSV #1: <BR> <BR> I had my first appointment with a therapist yesterday, and I know making that phone was the right thing for me to do. I'm feeling better and more confident that I can make improvements and the sense of hopelessness has retreated. I'm learning to identify parts of me that react in ways that don't necessarily benefit me and the parts of me that just seek to protect me from my hurt parts and hopfully identify the hurt parts so I can heal them. Two things that keep popping up ... Thu, 17 Oct 2013 05:56:48 EST Plans http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5511267 I've been trying to plan for the future, which really isn't something that I do. I've been making lists and doing research. I am trying to move forward and give myself a sense of purpose. I think that's been the hardest thing for me, feeling like I have no purpose in this life. I used to take care of my ex-husband. I used to be the problem solver, the repairman, the money maker, and pretty much everything else for me. Now, it's just me. Now I have to take care of me, and I have no idea how do... Sat, 12 Oct 2013 04:32:32 EST Some steps are harder than others, but you have to keep going http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5504710 I made the call today to see a therapist. The employee helpline through my job helped locate one and set up my appointment. They also offered me a health coach for my diabetes management. I decided to try it too. I think all the help and support I can get can only help me. I'm not the type of person to talk about how I feel with the people around me. They count on me to be the person they come to and somehow I don't feel like burdening people with my issues. So a therapist seems like the most... Fri, 4 Oct 2013 20:28:32 EST Emotional Rollercoaster, can I get off now? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5503151 Somedays I'm great and others are terrible. Today was terrible, and I was beyond control. I waivered between pacing and a myriad of other nervous ticks to full on crying. No control what-so-ever. I stayed home, alone, far too much this week. I wasn't feeling well and it made my anxiety worse. I can't call my sister because she's 4 weeks away from her due date, and she doesn't need the stress. I didn't want to call my mom, because she has enough to deal with plus she's focused on my sister and... Thu, 3 Oct 2013 05:41:43 EST Learning from the past http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5496527 I spent some time reading journals from the time I was in high school through the middle of my marriage. I noticed a few things, primarily negative thinking that seemed to grow increasingly worse over the course of the past few years. I repeated several phrases in each entry over the span of those years. I'm trying to break the cycle and end a bad behavior pattern. I'm terrible for false starts or for giving up before I really see results. I also shouldn't tell myself not to do something beca... Thu, 26 Sep 2013 04:49:08 EST New beginnings can be hard http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5494402 So I've been sporadic on Sparkpeople. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I feel like I'm just hanging on and trying to ride through this. Other days I feel more in control. I cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and cupboards today. I got rid of anything that I have no business eating. I have a bag of stuffing and instant potatoes to donate. I got rid of expired items and items that have been open for a while. Now I know exactly what I have and what need to buy when I go grocer... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 00:00:24 EST Vacation=week of too much everything http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5483331 I allowed myself to become overwhelmed and didn't deal with it in a good way. I was horrible to myself last week and I'm trying to pick up the pieces. I ate fast food and too much of it every day last week. I didn't take my medicine for my diabetes and I didn't exercise. I really just let it all go. Which might be why on Monday when I woke up my blood sugar level was 300. There is no excuse for this, and yet I do it. I fessed up to it to my co-workers who do a good job at policing me while I'... Thu, 12 Sep 2013 05:15:04 EST Moving forward http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5468468 I took out the horrible ugly couch that was left behind. I'm sore from that battle, but it is gone! I bought a new writing table for the living room, so I have a place for my laptop and printer. Woohoo! That's progress. I am making a plan of action for the cleaning, organizing, and rearranging of the house. I have to stop with the ADD cleaning, where I hope from one place to another. I'm going to have to do this room by room. I'm going to have a dedicaded room for art and crafts, minus any cl... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 01:48:43 EST Changes, they keep coming http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5467450 Just in time for my new challenge on here, I've had massive changes take place in my life. My husband of 7 years moved to North Carolina after I filed for divorce. He's more than 700 miles away, lining with his mother in a condo on the beach. Here in reality, I'm dealing with everything he left behind. That man was a pack rat. This is going to take some time and effort to deal with all the stuff. I guess I won't have to worry about getting bored. Here is a list of other changes: <BR> <BR> 1.... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 02:21:40 EST HLC Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5464524 Goals <BR> 1. Drink my 8 glasses of water everyday <BR> 2. Hit the exercise 3 times minimum for 1st 2 weeks, add a day to weeks 3 and 4, add another to weeks 5 and 6, and add strength training to 2 of the 5 days for weeks 7 and 8. <BR> 3. Increase cardio minutes from 30 to 45 at week 3 and from 45 to 60 at week 5. <BR> 4. Track food and exercise minimum 5 days, aim for all 7. <BR> 5. Do foam roller DVD once a week until week 5 then up to twice a week. <BR> 6. No more than 1 day of fast/restau... Sat, 24 Aug 2013 00:01:24 EST Just letting it all out http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5456819 It has been an up and down kind of week. I had two really positive days and then today wasn't very good at all. My sister, who is 7 months preganant and short tempered to boot, decided to lose her temper today. I got flooded with angry texts and accusations. After the accusations, I realized she was having a stress induced outburst and I was a good target for it. I was really upset and hurt about it, but I've had time to digest all of the things she said and I know she was just unloading her ... Fri, 16 Aug 2013 05:49:21 EST One step at a time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5454644 I slept 9 hours. I changed the bent lawn mower blade. I conqured the jungle my yard had become. Mowing knee high grass is a workout! I still need to use the weedeater in the hard to mow spots and pull the weeds out of the flower beds. The poison ivy needs to be sprayed with roundup and the front boxes need to be mulched and tended to. Needless to say I have pleanty of things to occupy my time and keep me from dwelling on things. I also have a baby shower to get ready for. I'm in charge of a f... Wed, 14 Aug 2013 03:13:45 EST The countdown begins http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5453532 It is a rare event that I want a weekend to be over, but that's how this weekend panned out. I just wanted it to be over so I can come to work and not be in the same space as ex-to be. It wouldn't have been so bad, but all y friends were out of town this week and I had no place to go. I was stuck. I think I've slept more this weekend than I have in a long time. I slept 12 hours today because it was better than dealing with things. I know that's not the best way to be about all of this. I'm ju... Tue, 13 Aug 2013 02:35:36 EST Then there is that brick wall... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5450501 and I smack into it going about 100. As much as I would like to say that I'm doing well, I'm not. I don't really deal with stress like I should. I internalize it, feed it comfort food, and hope that it goes away. IT doesn't and I feel worse. I can only be glad that I have at least not gained any in my two week binge on any food that used to numb the pain in the past. Only this time, it didn't chase the pain and sadness away. This time I stood looking at the empty bowl and confronted the fact ... Sat, 10 Aug 2013 02:46:55 EST Ripples may start small, but they become waves of change http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5426007 I got a pedicure and manicure today, and it was great. I love the included arm, hand, leg and foot massages that come with them. It was so relaxing and my hands and feet look great. It made me feel fantastic. So in the past few weeks I have changed my hair style and color as well as pampered my hands and feet. I've had some river days and lazied about in the sun (with sunblock). I have some color to me, so I'm no longer glowing in the dark from being so pale. I'm not doing any of this for any... Fri, 19 Jul 2013 03:54:23 EST Changes, the good and bad http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5424876 I could really use some cheese to go with my whine today. I'm in the middle of ending my marriage of 7 years and the emotional toll is more than I thought it would be. I'm swinging from being ready for it to end to being utter devistated that it came to this. I have a ton of emotional bggage to work though from this relationship. The best way I can find right now is fueling my workouts with my anger and crying my way through walks around the neighborhood at 6am. I have to force myself to eat ... Thu, 18 Jul 2013 02:30:19 EST Time well spent http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5392887 I used Monday to cook and pre-package meals for a couple of days. I also started thawing meat for the latter part of the week for meals. I'm going to plan and stick to it, or atleast have some good fall back choices on days when cooking isn't feasible. I'm limiting my carbs to under 40 for meals so it doesn't make my glucose levels spike. Also, most carbs are going to come from veggies, fruits, and whole grains. I'm trying to limit added sugar and I'm skipping all sodas including diet. It's w... Tue, 18 Jun 2013 03:56:57 EST Baby steps http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5388605 I didn't go to the gym after work, I was exhausted. Not getting much sleep the day before really took alot out of me. I did however ride my bike around the neighborhood after I had my 5pm meal. I'm going to the grocery after work tonight and I'm only getting healthy things. I really need to get my meals put together and pre-planned because I make bad choices other wise. So here is to taking baby steps so I can accomplish larger goals. Fri, 14 Jun 2013 01:10:39 EST R & R, Revelations and Recovery http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5387520 Today, I had some me time. I went out on the river with my dear pal Victoria and we just relaxed. We put our floats in, tied to a rock and lounged in the river. I did use sunblock, dfear not, I'm not repeating Memorial weekend's mistake with a sunburn. I reapplied every 30 minutes just to be safe. I hope that the time in the sun, relaxing in the water helps my stress levels. It's been a hard two years and some things are coming to an end, things that should have ended before now. I'm finally ... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 23:52:38 EST The only true failure is quitting.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5351433 and there for a while I failed horribly. I"ve slide back up to 277 and I could have cried. Instead I decided that I need to start small and work up to bigger changes. I've been all or nothing about it this whole time. I've been doing better in the past week with eating to keep my blood sugar in check and I hope that I see a change on the scale next week. I've been stress eating, and eating crap because I didn't feel up to making anything. There is no excuse for that. None. Period. <BR> <BR>... Thu, 9 May 2013 21:36:27 EST A month already? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5275062 It has been over a month since my last blog. I've had some ups and downs. I made discoveries and learned that there are somethings that I really must change to be healthier. My attitude is a big one, I have to stop with the all or nothing mentality. I need to allow myself some flexibilty and give myself a break when I don't do as well as I think I should. I'm working on it, trying to see the good things and give myself some honest feedback on the bad things. I can do this, I just have to make... Tue, 5 Mar 2013 22:15:56 EST NSV 1: My blood sugar is what? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5234041 SO my non-scale victory today is getting two blood sugar readings below 100, one was 2 hours after I had a snack. I'm so stoked. I just had food with a bit more carbs to see if it fluxes very much. I guess this eating better and exercising thing is really paying off. I would love to not have to take any meds at all, but I am so glad that I might be able to avoid shots all together. <BR> <BR> I offically quit drinking any type of soda and I am avoiding high fructos corn syrup in my foods. I ... Sat, 2 Feb 2013 04:02:33 EST Progress is the proof http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5232069 I posted the other day that I changed my perceptive on being healthy instead of weight loss, but that I was still going to use the scale. Well I dropped almost 3 pounds in a week and all I was trying to do is make my blood sugar numbers better. This tells me that my goal for better health pays off more than a goal for weight loss. So I'm getting healthy, strengthening my heart and body, and working toward controlled blood sugar numbers, because those goals are the right goals for me. I'm so g... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:37:09 EST The truth is.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5229150 I am extremely motivated right now, I had some revelations this weekend about why I'm doing this. I always was trying to lose weight for someone or because I was told to. I really just need to learn to live healthy and the weight will take care of itself. I am going to eat and exercise to treat my Type 2 Diabetes, if I lose weight in addition to that, then great. That way I don't feel so pressured to look at the scale and to be disappointed over an arbitrary number. I gained some perspective ... Tue, 29 Jan 2013 18:15:02 EST Well stocked http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5213700 My freezer is packed to capacity with frozen dinners and snacks. I snagged Lean Cuisines for $1.75 this week and bought about 24 of them and got 4 boxes of skinny cow ice cream for free. I love Kroger and couponing there. I have veggies and cuties in the refridgerator and unsweetend oatmeal in the pantry. I also have all the healthy staples I need to make home cooked meals, like breakfast and lunch. I eat dinner at work since I work 3rd shift and I sleep as soon as I get home. I'm making smal... Fri, 18 Jan 2013 22:56:58 EST Happy New Year, have a slice of sickness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5190854 I started the New Year off decently but I have been sidelined by some sort of upper respitory infection. Today I woke up to some stomach issues and it left me without any desire to eat. I did manage to force myself to eat a sandwhich and some non-greasy chips. Going to drink water and hope that it fixes itself because I really don't want to be sick. <BR> <BR> I'm working on a meal plan for next week so I can efficiently shop for food and skip buying anything that doesn't fit in a healthy me... Fri, 4 Jan 2013 23:10:20 EST AHHHHH! OK, I'm good now. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5172588 IT has been a rather stressful week at work. I cannot wait until Christmas is over. I know that sounds bad but we have a horribly busy, stressful time during the holiday season. I work at UPS's largest US hub and it is crazy. I'm in an office and I handle who gets to work doubles and goodness it has been a real headache this year. Tonight was no exception, maybe it was more stressful due to snow. That white stuff sure makes people nervious and makes getting the planes in and out more difficul... Fri, 21 Dec 2012 05:16:30 EST Scale or not to scale http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5166059 No I'm debating climbing a mountian, well not a literal one anyway. I haven't been on the scale in about a month, because I honestly don't want to see the number. I know I've not made much in the way of progress, because I'm living in my stretchy "atletic" pants instead of my jeans. The jeans just depress me. I'm still not hitting the gym like a need to and I had Chinese tonight instead of something healthier. Though my serving size was much improved. All this activity for the holidays has my... Fri, 14 Dec 2012 01:54:36 EST Pain = no fun http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5163969 My back, shoulders, and arms are hurting like crazy. I'm pretty sure it is sitting at my desk all night and my chair sucks. My sister suggested that I needed to be more active when I'm not at work to help compensate for the strain of sitting all night. I'm pretty sure she's right. <BR> <BR> Also, I'm pretty sure they are trying to give me heat stroke. Ugh, these girls are always cold and they crank up the heat and my little side of the office gets warmer faster than their side. I swear its l... Wed, 12 Dec 2012 05:49:18 EST Terrific Tuesday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5156643 I hit the gym for an hour, watched some TV on Netflix and walked on the treadmill. I hit my calorie range on my food tracker as well. That's awesome and I'm feeling pretty good. I need to increase my veggie intake but one step at a time. I did get two servings of fruit today and a serving of carrots. I guess 3of 5 isn't too bad. <BR> <BR> I bought carrots, peppers, cuties, and a head of iceberg today at the grocery store. I'm going to make some yummy and good for me food tomorrow. I still h... Wed, 5 Dec 2012 01:25:08 EST Day 5: Frantic Friday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5152659 Work was a beast last night, it was full of stress and I could not wait to clock out and leave. It was just busy and then we have had some special projects dropped on us. It's over now and I have two days to relax and unwind before going back. <BR> <BR> I've not slept much this past week and today looking to be the same. I don't know why I can't sleep but I'm so sleepy. Must be my brain, it likes to cause problems. <BR> <BR> I took the Stress Test here on Sparkpeople for the Stress challe... Sat, 1 Dec 2012 14:02:28 EST Day 4: Goals for December http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5151251 Goals: <BR> <BR> 1. Get to know the gym, again by being there 3-4 days a week. (American Horror Story is on Netflix, that's like 20 hours on the cardio machines.) <BR> 2. Food is fuel, not a stress reliever. Find and use alternate ways/methods for reducing stress or managing it. (I think there is a Stress Managment Challenge on here someplace that I can do). <BR> 3. Pack and pass. Pack my dinner and pass on the fast food. I can pack my meal for work and eat at home for other meals 5 days a w... Fri, 30 Nov 2012 04:15:51 EST Day 3: Hello Emotional Eating http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5150117 I hit Qdoba and had a burrito AND chipswith queso. It's been a rough week and I just felt like I needed it. Well I didn't and all that food made me feel sluggish and just off. Too many grams of carbs and too many calories. Well it is one day out of many and I'm not repeating it tomorrow. I did decent two days, poor today, and I have a chance to do better tomorrow and the days after that. So that's over and done with. <BR> <BR> I only slept 5 hours, it makes me really dislike my neighbors. I... Thu, 29 Nov 2012 01:17:59 EST Day 2: Hurdles http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5149070 My well intended trip to the gym did not happen, as in most cases someone else needed my undivided attention. I'm think I'm going to have to go early in the day before anyone has a chance to demand my time from me. I'll get my phone all charged up and ready so I can watch some Netflix, TV shows usually last about 45-50 minutes without commercials on there, and walk for the duration of the program I choose to watch. I'm currently on a Vampire Diaries kick. Atleast now I can talk with my cousin... Wed, 28 Nov 2012 02:50:48 EST Day 1: The start of a lifetime commitment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5147785 I awoke, not because I wanted to but because I felt like I was roasting. I know the temp in the room could not have been more than 65 but there I lay hot and sweating. Then the dash to the bathroom. All after only 4 and a half hours of sleep. My stomach made nosies and I really felt like hell. I suffered for two hours, feeling like I needed to throw up and hoping that I didn't. I napped a time or two but nothing made me feel any better. I checked my blood glucose and it was 199. That is bad, ... Mon, 26 Nov 2012 23:09:02 EST Rock bottom http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5142179 You know how they say that addicts have to hit rock bottom before they do anything about their addiction. Well I've hit rock bottom. Yesterday I went to the plus size store in search of pants. I am currently living in stretchy athletic/yoga pants. I had the most defeating moment in my life. That says alot, since I thought I hit that point two weeks before my wedding. I gained 30 pounds in the two months leading up to my wedding and when I tried my dress (that I bought 6 months before the big ... Wed, 21 Nov 2012 05:44:53 EST Body Image, Acceptance, and Smarter Eating http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5126843 I read an article about Melissa McCarthy and her weight struggles. Found here: <link>omg.yahoo.com/blogs/balancedliving/m<BR>elissa-mccarthy-her-weight-struggle-so<BR>metimes-wish-were-194954203.html </link> She talks about how people of all sizes feel pressured to look "better" when they really need to be happy with themselves. While I'm unhappy with my weight, its more than that to me. I'm really unhappy with the unhealthy way I've been living and the toll it had taken on my body. At 30 ... Wed, 7 Nov 2012 04:37:40 EST Reboot http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5121072 I dropped off on Sparkpeople before and I deleted my account. It reminded me of all that went wrong with trying to live healthier. I needed to start over, from the very beginning and do things right. Not half do them, but do them like I really need to. So I'm doing my collage, my motivator points visual, and everything else over. I'm going to do them all the way like I should have before. Not kind of doing them and not putting effort in it like I really needed to. I need to commit to being ac... Fri, 2 Nov 2012 05:49:27 EST