CYNTHIUSS's SparkPeople Blog CYNTHIUSS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community slower build this time I'm back to walking...I think it was the step exercises I was trying that nailed my mobility. I will take it very slow....thought I was, but maybe even slower. Steps have been a huge challenge for years now. We are going to a water park in December. My goal is to be able to climb the stairs of at least one thrill ride once.... <BR> <BR> Thank you everyone for your support <BR> <BR> <em>41</em> Wed, 5 Oct 2016 12:23:35 EST setback, stepback ankle and knee gave...they do that some times. its been a long painful day...tried to keep I just want to be able to walk ... <BR> i'd just gotten to that point where I was getting some cool smooth moves instead of stiff sluggish movement. I know it's temporary...but somehow having my mojo interrupted when I was adding so much moving...its harder, harder than if I were more sedentary <BR> <em>24</em> Tue, 4 Oct 2016 01:43:16 EST eating half as much and moving more It took a lot to sustain 200# plus! The weight is falling off just reducing portions and moving more! Not even a lot more, just more, every day! I already feel better not digesting so much! I'm finding I'm quite satisfied with much less food. It took shifting my mindset. I looked at all the Halloween candy and thought, it tastes awful, it makes me feel awful, it's not the kind of fuel I want! I went and bought some limes and really good onions! I am having some high quality chocolate on occas... Sat, 1 Oct 2016 02:51:54 EST still crisis food response day 3 back, but didn't make it on yesterday...multiple life in Er, another in ICU. I got knocked off my stability. I was already overstressed...4 hrs of psychological testing of 13 yr old after she had a stroke. The calls and health watch of close family shook me to the core, neither was expected. My urge to get potatoe chips was strong. I survived 2 store stops and bought no junk! <BR> <BR> I did buy cauliflower, peppers, cilantro, corn, brewers yeast, kamut... put chicke... Thu, 29 Sep 2016 11:43:36 EST I'm back...again. moving forward It's been 200 days since I was last here. I've made progress. 3 steps forward, 1-2 steps back. Way more aware. Way healthier in so many ways. Cardio is probably less efficient. Gotta get back to fitness minutes. I'm here to focus improvements, garner more 1 step rather than 2 steps back....back is part of forward...I get that. <BR> I miss folks here, so much positive energy. Looking forward to mutual support. <BR> <em>213</em> Tue, 27 Sep 2016 10:56:11 EST fresh produce, kid surgery & art I have a 12 yr old daughter with lung disease & heart disease. Her birth mom was a drug addict. We have adopted her and she's been with us since birth so it's been an ongoing journey of joy and struggles, as parenting any child is. Its just the swings are pretty intense with this one at times. We adopted 2 others with serious challenges, they are now 21 and 31. I also have a 41 yr. old estranged birth son...I'm good with that, he's not a very kind person. Anyway...this 12 yr old isn't suppose... Tue, 19 Jan 2016 12:50:41 EST music and movement I'm not in pattern of movement. I was walking....injuries stopped that. Then I was doing PT for the injuries....I don't know how I broke that pattern, but I went from 45 min a day workout with weights up to #25 to nothing! I felt really good when I was moving with intention. Now it's just the 5-8 k steps I get doing daily tasks....I do try to park a little further from doors...Its not the same. I must get real workouts back in my life. It's hard for me to establish patterns, but once I do, I'... Tue, 12 Jan 2016 16:57:43 EST maybe not daily, but still here I joined the sparkguy daily blog challenge, but like so many pieces of my life....I thought it was reasonable but so far...not so much. I thought about it...but the dishes called, the stock market crashed (I'm a trader), the children needed playdates and meals and cuddles and games...but I'm still here. Sparking is on my radar. Last night at dinner I had 2nds on the chicken taco salad, the salad part was fine, but the chips with cheese - chicken - sour cream...not so good. The good news is t... Thu, 7 Jan 2016 12:15:34 EST back & doing blog challenge? I've gotten much healthier, but still have a long 'weigh' to go! <em>20</em> <BR> Age, stress, patterns, health issues and downright couch potatoing has me in a sedentary slump that is becoming the norm....I don't want that norm. I eat much better and less volume than a few years ago, I'm moving, but only 7-9k steps a day. I'm not breaking any sweats or getting any heart rates up....I need to. I'll feel more energized and my brain will spin more wild ideas....I like wild ideas. I write, ... Mon, 4 Jan 2016 11:15:24 EST Day 7 out of 100 days of healthy changes I went for a great walk yesterday and today, I'm on 5 straight day of 40 minute intense PT circuits, I made 8500 steps on fitbit yesterday, my goal is 7000 (post knee injury...minimal mobility, etc). I should make that goal easy today. I'm still withdrawing from candy crush, scramble with friends, casino, words with friends...I hadn't gotten addicted to pintrest yet (unlike my partner and older daughter), my facebook usage is minimal. I cheated twice in 7 days - reloaded candy crush twice and... Tue, 13 Jan 2015 20:03:28 EST Day 2 emotions seesawing..Make a Wish.. I had no idea how much 'candy crush' and 'scramble with friends' kept my emotions at bay! When I was overwhelmed I zoned out in games, forgot I was overwhelmed and happily moved into my next tasks. Now I'm like a fish out of water floundering, reaching to munch and numb on salt, sugar, crunchy, I'm sad, hopeless, overwhelmed as I struggle with really hard things in my life. It's like a lost an anchor that was working to keep me from going nuts snacking when things got hard! I have to find a ... Thu, 8 Jan 2015 18:20:11 EST 100 days, another 100 What did I do with my last 100? There were some jewels in there... <BR> October, November, December... <BR> Traditions, holidays, starting/facilitating a young adult group 'transitioning into adulthood' group, poetry, child's health improving, doing more physical therapy, joining pagan women's group, fitbit, board games with friends, learning 'puerto rico', survived kitchen remodel, put in new vanity and sink myself, generally happy and healthy, but stayed same place on the scales - obese. <B... Wed, 7 Jan 2015 12:49:34 EST candy crush stole my life Today I deleted the game....I'd spent an hour on it before 9am, before I'd even had breakfast! That was an hour of my life I could have spent doing so many other things. I then realistically looked at my time on electronics. Facebook, words with friends, pintrest, scramble with friends, scrabble, casino, email, twitter, the news, the weather, facebook messenger, texting....It adds up to a life not lived. I wrote down the things I keep feeling sad that I haven't done, things I think about befo... Tue, 6 Jan 2015 14:55:13 EST HELP! My kid has ataxic CP, she's 10 and still can't ride a bike with training wheels without white knuckling it the entire time! I entered her into a contest for an adaptive bike, she needs votes to get it. Just push the vote button, no need to enter any info. We only have 5 days to get 50 qualifying votes! Please help...she has such a tough time, this will really help her life!! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>es/2014/03/lexi-3/ </link> <BR> <BR> Update: <BR> I'm not ... Thu, 20 Mar 2014 16:57:10 EST one block at a time, getting in the groove I'm here, I'm spinning the wheel, I'm logging my food and fitness minutes...I'm checking off my goals! Last night I was looking at my goals and saw I still hadn't completed some....there was the push! I took the time to complete them just so I could check them off! It's working, the incentives of spinning, growing points, seeing the goal checklist completed, the goodies, the comments on my blog....they have me engaged! <BR> <BR> <BR> I'm looking at making it through my day, one block at a... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 11:48:22 EST again...I'm back...again sabatoging/indulging self....again... Been here, done this, it's been very good for me. Good people, good ideas, good inspiration, good things to learn about, good incentives, just plain good for me! Then life happened in fast very ill the end of 2012 with diverticulitis....then surgery - bowel resection in early 2013....that took a long time to heal from....then my 10 year old child became seriously, seriously ill with lung disease and a serious heart condition...many hospitalizations, two heart betwe... Tue, 4 Feb 2014 23:26:25 EST scared skinny Or really, scared healthy. Scared skinny somehow sounded better for a title... I talked to a surgeon today, he's expecting I'll need a bowel resection due to recurrent diverticulitis...The fat on my abdomen is my biggest health risk. More for the surgeons to cut through, more stress on every body system, contributed to the diverticulitis to start with. Fat is my biggest health risk all the way around, literally. I'm wearing an intertube of fat, fat crowds my organs, infiltrates my liver, clo... Tue, 28 Aug 2012 22:35:34 EST Inspiration from others led me back I got an e-mail from Spark, a sharing of how weight buried the real person, insulated her from living. I knew that was true for me as well. I read peoples comments. Some of the comments touched my soul. One was a quote about being in the journey versus being a critic of the journeying person. I'm not savy enough to get that quote here right now, it was a Roosevelt quote from 1910, from another member. I friended him. His sharing of the inspirational quote resonated in a part of my lif... Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:34:47 EST CPAP due to fat and deadly risk I had a sleep study, I quit breathing 81 times an hour and my oxygen level went down to 73%! That's serious health risk stuff. I now have a CPAP. It's been a struggle to adjust. Parts of my functioning are better (brain and energy), but something has shifted in my personal comfort. The fat is killing me. If I hadn't had the sleep study, my memory would have continued to deteriorate, my inflammation would have continued to soar and my chance of a heart attack was phenomenal. The CPAP makes ... Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:50:04 EST 10 minutes to change my life 10 minutes. <BR> <BR> I could watch tv, stuff junk into my mouth, play a video game, be on the computer... <BR> <BR> or I COULD CHANGE MY LIFE! <BR> <BR> I could stretch, walk around the block, listen to a fun song and wiggle and jiggle! <BR> <BR> 10 minutes a day x 7= 70 minutes a week <BR> I could add a minute a day or every few days or even every week and I'll multiply how much stronger I'll grow, how much healthier I'll be, HOW HAPPIER I WILL FEEL (endorphins), and HOW MUCH MORE ENE... Sun, 9 Oct 2011 12:25:05 EST wii fit is a good motivator wii fit lets me keep track of weight and keeps a long term record. It lets me set goals. It reminds me I am obese, not just overweight. That's a medical term with insurance implications. I discovered insurance companies won't insure obese folks, unless you get the insurance through work. That was a wake up call. According to Dr. Oz, being obese is a more dangerous health risk than smoking! Wii fit makes moving fun. I can get moving and time flies by, I'm surprised at how fast I get my f... Tue, 4 Oct 2011 23:59:08 EST Reclaiming by body, stolen by inactivity My body was stolen by slower and sorer and less stable and less motivated and fatter and less healthy until I was becoming a couch potatoe consumed by facebook, video games and surfing the web. I gave up after a few more falls, a few more injuries...Then I started moving, another broken ankle made my steps small at first, but now I'm moving fast! I still need to get some distance accomplished, but I can do 4 blocks! I didn't think I'd ever walk that far again. Now I'm bac... Tue, 4 Oct 2011 01:30:03 EST Happy solstice I'm working on paying attention, moving more, drinking steps. did sun salutation at 5 am to greet the sun on the special day, I was way stiffer than I'd like....more stretching needed... Wed, 22 Jun 2011 01:20:50 EST Lying to myself about my coffee calories I've been guessing on my coffee intake. I use honey. I was guessing a packet in my big cup....I didn't want to really know how much I used. I fudged by guessing. 1 packet is 43 calories. When I really measured, I had to face that I'd been using 3 Tablespoons of honey every day - 192 calories! My big cup I'd guessed was 16 oz. It was really 28 oz. Now I've faced another portion size issue. That's 150 extra calories I wasn't counting when I logged (and tried to keep in my range) every da... Fri, 17 Jun 2011 01:28:06 EST another fall, trying to get back up a few weeks back i fell again, broken wrist and ankles are making things challenging, but i'm getting around, even without braces part of the time. it floored me 2 get injured again, even b4 i healed from last broken ankle. i gave up. too much pain and hopelessness to think of being fit. i've stayed at a steady 201, but i'm not getting my water, my stretches or produce. broke my patterns as well as my will. i've kept spinning. now that i'm getting around a bit better, i want to add back s... Mon, 6 Jun 2011 02:16:10 EST I sure had to eat a lot to stay THIS fat! Today I ate a meal I used to eat when I felt ill or emotional. It's ramen noodles+cheese+tuna+peas. I haven't eaten this for a very long time. Today I felt ill,and ate it (I know it doesn't make sense...). This time I measured. I was stunned. It was 1367 calories! I sure had to eat a lot of food to stay this fat! I can't believe how much I used to eat, and how badly I ate. I ate too much fast food, fried food, sweet and salty foods,processed foods and not nearly enought fruits and v... Wed, 4 May 2011 18:32:37 EST After a few years I entered stage 2 It took me awhile to read everything about the stages and figure out what it meant to be in stage 1. After finding everything about the stages I realized I've been in stage 1 a bit long....but actually I think I needed to be in stage 1 until I truely managed to make the 3 goals a habit: listen to a get up and go song, stretch for 10 minutes and eat some form of produce. I' ve been on a streak doing all 3 for a few weeks now. I don't want to quit them as goals, they are good for me. Wantin... Sat, 30 Apr 2011 00:15:43 EST The sky is falling It's terrifying when the sky churns up a storm that rips your world apart. You grieve.... and you count your blessings. So much churning, so many lives ripped apart. Not just here, but all over the planet. We see it on our homefront today. It's been flashing across the homefronts of those all over the world, we usually shake our heads and think how unfortunate. Storms and temperatures have been breaking records consistantly for years all over the planet. In Jan of 2009, scientists at Pur... Thu, 28 Apr 2011 11:44:25 EST Potato chips, 5 oz.= 780 cal., and it wasn't even fun I was in a funk, too tired, a little rebellious about easter candy sitting around, so I had some chips. I was trying to fill some void,' lookin for satisfaction in all the wrong places'. It wasn't working, so I ate more. As I ate, feeling the rebellious streak being self satisfied, I realized, I wasn't even enjoying them. Greasy, salty and really unsatisfying, I thought, as I continued to munch. I began to realize I'd rather be munching on a carrot! Crunchy and tasty! My stubborn strea... Tue, 26 Apr 2011 23:13:33 EST Sitting is worse than might think, it may kill you, even if you exercise. Today on NPR a story was ran with with the title: <BR> <BR> 'Sitting is worse than you might think' <BR> <BR> I've included the link below. New research indicates that even if you exercise, sitting around (watching tv, being on the computer, being at work, driving,even eating) makes you substantially more likely to die! The big muscles need to move (the ones in your hands do not count), every hour! Our bodies aren't designed to sit around, it shuts down.At least a few minutes of moving a... Mon, 25 Apr 2011 16:59:55 EST poetic me time Today I joined a poetry group. It felt good to do something just for me. I enjoy hearing and writing poetry. It feeds my soul to create and to be caressed by beauty. I had no idea I was walking into a group that's been together for 9 years. It was a very special experience to be welcomed into this new circle of amazing bright, creative women. As each woman shared their creations, my mind journeyed into their hearts and into their unique ways of seeing the world. It expanded my vision to p... Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:39:04 EST I've lost my taste for fatty foods I've been drinking my water and logging and spinning, and stretching and exercising and sparking, and eating my fresh produce and listening to my get up and go music and I'm feeling so much better! I was low on calories and tried a piece of cheesecake - really good cheesecake. It felt greasy in my mouth, I didn't want it, it just felt nasty! I'm craving carrots, apples, water, brown rice, I'm smiling as I listen to my get up and go song and can't help but move! I didn't expect to lose my ... Sat, 16 Apr 2011 01:39:08 EST It's hard to drink all that water 8 cups is a lot. If I don't start early and keep at it, I get to the evening and try to squeeze it all in....of course, that's a bad idea because than I have interrupted sleep. I feel so different if I drink 8 cups throughout the day. I think better, I eat less and I feel more alive when I stay hydrated all day. With my mobility challenge, I'm not working up a good sweat, but when I did - water was critical. It's extremely important to my quality of experience even if I don't work up a s... Tue, 12 Apr 2011 18:20:23 EST So hard not to eat too much with good foods I made a thai chicken dinner, healthy, tastes good, too good. I made a daikon and carrot salad. I loaded up on the salad, but I still ate too much. This is my greatest struggle, stopping. Even if it's healthy, can't eat too much. I feel too full and it robs me of my motivation to move. I do better eating reasonable portions with boring healthy food. My family enjoys a variety of flavors. I would be fine eating the same foods, basic-healthy-boring foods. I'm much less likely to overea... Fri, 8 Apr 2011 00:48:50 EST Dancing in a chair Today I discovered I can dance in a chair. I closed my eyes and felt the music and let my body move to the joy of the sound, as the minutes ticked on I really got into it, I began to heat up and peel off layers! I love danceing, double foot injuries have stopped that activity. I have a smile on my face having discovered a way to really dance! I'm in an office chair, on wheels on a a hard floor, you can really get some good twisting in! I'm tickled. When I had a swimming pool to myself... Tue, 5 Apr 2011 00:32:31 EST Inactivity is stealing my life choices I want my life back, or at least a new chapter that includes more choices. I haven't been on in a long time. Injuries, sickness and complicated life have sapped my motivation to try. It's costing me life choices. Instead of battling loss of mobility tooth and nail, I've become complacent. I'd rather loose myself in a scrabble game on facebook than figure out how to exercise and regain all the mobility I can. I gave up trying. I didn't move into full self pity, but I gave in to hopeless... Mon, 7 Mar 2011 11:37:22 EST Treading water I was drowning....bobbing up and down, catching my breath in between holding my breath. Lots of stress was drowning me. At least now I'm remembering to breath. Through the stress I've been fairly reasonable in my eating. I did some emotional eating, but fairly minor amounts, nothing like the old days before Sparkpeople. This has been some of the toughest stress of my life. It's been a long few years. I keep thinking things will slow down and life will give me some breathing room to coa... Thu, 18 Nov 2010 14:07:38 EST Now I choose, a walk or a video game... Every day, every hour, every minute are these intersections that determine our future. I wander through my day making my very long list and trying to multitask my way through it. The intersections for me are usually get to the paper and write down the thing I remembered I have to do before I forget it and stay on task crossing items off my list. I don't put myself on my list. It's always making the calls, kids needs, household maintenance stuff, scheduling, errands, etc. I'm the stay at ... Sun, 1 Aug 2010 12:50:52 EST There are always excuses I've been gone since May. Injuries and family crisis. Can't write for long, due to wrist injury. I could write volumes on why I'm gaining, emotionally eating, not moving. Life could be perfect and I could still find excuses. I can't wait for ...I've been waiting for too long and gaining as I wait. I've waited to get through the pain, physical therapy, family crisis,etc. I have to just do something. I'm doing, not waiting, something - just typing is a challenging workout. That's my beginni... Sun, 1 Aug 2010 01:07:20 EST physical therapy giving me tools I've been frustrated and losing hope as I've struggled with pain and limited mobility. Today I got some exercises I can do (cardio is out), limited, but at least it makes me feel like I can make progress and feel some control in the situation. Of course a visit to the physical therapist meant pain....I have a new med I can try tonight. The surgeon said don't take off my wrist brace at all (even at night), or I have to be in a cast for 6 weeks! Imagine changing diapers in a cast! So 6 more... Thu, 13 May 2010 23:39:22 EST Being Healthy takes a lot of time, but so does being fat I haven't blogged for quite a while. Partly because I didn't want to face my stall in weight loss. Or my backslide. I haven't even checked the scale, so I don't know how far I slid. Too hard to get that honest. Maybe tomorrow. But I'm working on behaviors. I started by spinning the wheel. That doesn't take too much time. Then I added some status updates. That's quick. Having so many folks comment on my activity feed, motivated me to continue spinning the wheel and updating my status.... Tue, 4 May 2010 13:49:35 EST Gotta stop poppin' maltballs & get back to moving toward healthier life I'm sluggish, I'm popping maltballs like medication to manage stress. I'm searching the fridge for whatever will satisfy my current craving - salty, sweet, carbs...I think of exercising - on occassion, but that's as far as it goes. It's not even on my list these days. I had it on my lists for many weeks, and it was always a very low priority. My lists are so long. It's 8 AM and I already have over 20 items on todays list. And there are some big items on that list. We've just managed our... Thu, 25 Mar 2010 11:35:39 EST Creativity seems to be my key Stress continues in unimaginable doses, with new flavors at every turn. I've discovered if I sculpt, or write for even a tad bit, I ground. I think straighter. I make better choices with my food. I desire to exercise, like creativity opens my window and makes me want to go outside and breathe in those flowers instead of just view them from the windowsill. Clay is keeping me sane. One day at a time with all the challenges, but creativity takes me into a world of timelessness, even if I h... Tue, 16 Feb 2010 13:33:38 EST Under Stress, under seige, underperforming Stress is so powerful. A few blogs back I talked about excuses, there are always some, somewhere. I wanted to be strong under seige, stress coming at me from every quarter. I held up for awhile, then I faultered and stood back up, unsteady. Then I crumpled, I cried and I ate. I didn't totally numb with crazy amounts of carbs, but I used food as a drug. Once I crumpled, I threw in the towel. I quit bothering to exercise, or log food, or take care of myself. I did the best I could with th... Fri, 22 Jan 2010 14:04:09 EST Baby almost died, self care and caregiving Sun. the baby almost died, he couldn't breathe, really, really bad asthma. I'd given him multiple albuterol treatments, plus pulmacort, prednisone and augmentin. He was retracting severely - he was working real hard to breath. I rushed him to the hospital, they said I should have called an ambulance. He almost died. A team spent 4 hours trying to stablize him. For 24 hours they pumped in hourly (and sometimes constant) albuterol, prednisone, atrovent, pulmacort, prednisone and stronger a... Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:31:22 EST Restaurant eating and choosing I forgot to eat. At 2:30 I went out to eat, it was my only choice, circumstantially. I thought of ordering what I usually would in this particular restaurant, but this time I changed it. I made it healthier. Fruit instead of potatoes. I thought I'd be dissappointed, feel deprived, but I was pleasantly surprised. I loved the fruit. I closed my eyes and imagined how I would have felt if it were the hashbrowns I normally would have ordered - no difference in satisfaction, in fact this fre... Fri, 8 Jan 2010 20:32:36 EST Choosing Life When I get overwhelmed, I become a victim of life, I react to the stress by trying to cope, often in dysfunctional and temporary solutions - munching, video gaming, tv. When I get ahead of the curve, I choose how to manage being overwhelmed - walks, deep breathing, music and dance. That's when I feel like I'm conciously choosing life. I want to be present through the process and manage the challenges the healthiest way possible. I want to learn from my experience - get the gift from it - ... Thu, 7 Jan 2010 11:38:03 EST Do I choose LIFE or a slow miserable decline to death via a poor quality of living Drastic, I know, but that's really the question. We all know the facts: Obesity kills. I could qoute #s and ways obesity can kill you, take your pick: cancer, stroke, diabetes.... The research is overwhelming. The more overweight, the faster the track to death. We know the more the weight the more miserable we are in our bodies. When I'm carrying extra pounds a hike up a steep hill doesn't sound like a fun challenge but rather a risky affair that may not end well (panting - chest pains, ... Wed, 6 Jan 2010 09:20:23 EST I've been Naughty, now I must be Nice!! Okay, on my last post I admitted I'd been lazy. I tried to change my ways....but there were so many many excuses...I think the biggest hurdle was coping with severe sleep deprivation with the newborn. He's slept through the night 2 nights now, I'm hopeful. I'm beginning to feel human again. Sleep deprivation is really tough at 51. It's been 10 weeks. That's a huge sleep debt. I gained back 10 pounds! I hit 200! I never thought I'd see that number again. I've been lift... Tue, 5 Jan 2010 13:01:28 EST Facing the facts-I'm being lazy I quit paying attention again. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, as much as I wanted. I didn't bother to make time to exercise, but I had time to play video games. I got lazy. Sure I was tired, sleep deprived, I could come up with a hundred excuses, but the fact is, I got lazy. There's always something that I can use for an excuse. I'm in charge of what I put in my mouth, I'm in charge of where I place my foot for my next step. Sure I could blame: demands of family, demands of job, ... Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:07:59 EST