CRYSTALJEM's SparkPeople Blog CRYSTALJEM's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Achoo I don't like being sick... for the most part. But I also have come to realize that often when I get sick it's because I need to. My body knows that I too often, just keep going with the attitude of "I'll take care of you later." And my body is patient. Up to a degree. And then it smacks me upside the head. I see it happening to a lot of people around me in the same boat. Oh we're blaming the germs and time of year.... but for most of us.... it's because we've been ignoring ourselves with our... Thu, 20 Oct 2016 09:18:22 EST Patience I think if I ever had another child I would want to have the name Patience in the mix. Patience, something I need to be reminded of daily. I've cultivated quite a bit but when the going gets tough.... my patience tends to get going... out the door. <BR> <BR> So, I've been working on being a patient. Letting go. Seeing what happens and when without me controlling and pushing. You know what? Life sort of takes care of itself and works when you don't push too hard. Go figure. The books a... Tue, 18 Oct 2016 08:59:02 EST Moving on Up Well, I don't know really, just needed a title and I'm not really awake or motivated enough yet to even think. Kettle is on, but no tantalizing smell of bergamot to start my senses stirring. Just a cat trying to control my keyboard. Pretty typical morning really. Simply trying to sneak in me time. <BR> <BR> Getting more natural to define, set and keep my boundaries, but it is still tiring and easy to forget. However, I'm seeing a difference, last couple of days there's maybe even an impr... Tue, 11 Oct 2016 08:50:21 EST Soul Warming Hello! Happy Friday! It is grey, wet and cool here. I have a cold. I am aching all over. My internet connection sucks and has sucked for weeks and my wonderful husband seems not that interested in making it a priority. Seeing more clearly who has what priorities when. My book isn't finished, my bff is going down hill, my relationships are still in flux, my daughter is sick, my son is working at adulting with quite a bit of success although he isn't loving the concept. My husband is finall... Fri, 23 Sep 2016 09:22:37 EST Affairs Are In Order Well, it's been quite a whirlwind week. Decisions made to focus on the bright spots and the good stuff because it's my choice. I really need to make the choice. Because the alternative just isn't going to work for me. It literally makes me sick, and tired, and weary. And did I mention sick. Right I did. Sick. Yes, it makes me sick. And I don't want to be sick anymore. <BR> <BR> My weight is right on now. Which is wonderful. I feel pretty good, except sleep has been eluding me, not surprisin... Mon, 19 Sep 2016 09:51:28 EST My Biggest Fear Wow! So much change, so much wow. That doesn't mean I'm liking it all... or well, more accurately enjoying it all. I like that I'm changing, growing, moving forward. Some of it just isn't so easy. It's all for the best I know. <BR> <BR> Dropped back down to 111.4 lbs. I'm happy, but not excited about that. I now feel comfortable anywhere between 110 and 115. Eating is relatively healthy although on my retreat I really had no appetite and literally had to force myself to eat even though ther... Fri, 16 Sep 2016 13:19:07 EST I Am Not Above Being Human Wow, I knew September was going to be a month of change, of letting go, learning and personal growth. And even though it's only the 6th, I haven't been disappointed. Maybe a tad overwhelmed and anxious at times, and at others exhilarated and at yet others simply observant. <BR> <BR> I have experienced an array of emotions already today and thoughts have been running through my head. I have had to accept the challenge of holding a positive perspective, ensuring I look at all the limitless pos... Tue, 6 Sep 2016 11:36:11 EST Take 99.... and ACTION! Life is interesting as long as you keep the right perspective. No one really wants to read oh woe is me stuff unless there's a happy ending. I'm not there yet, but for each time I feel like I won't get there, I get that next message and burst of energy that says I will. Like any marathon a runner has their moments of being in the zone and moments of hitting the wall. Every runner knows it, every runner has to learn how they can deal with it to get over the wall and to the finish line. <BR> ... Wed, 24 Aug 2016 09:58:12 EST Seeing The Good Proud of myself - I'm still going well over my 6000 step count, still around 9-11000 most days. Flights of stairs still around 9-12 at home and 15-22 at the lake (that big hill from the water to the camper is bonus!) <BR> <BR> Was chatting with a friend and we were both talking about how much easier to tell someone else to see their progress than it is to take our own advice. Made me appreciate how hard it is for those I offer advice too. haha <BR> <BR> Overall onwards and upwards.... looki... Sat, 20 Aug 2016 16:24:56 EST What's In A Name? Maybe Everything Working on better sleep. It comes and goes. Mental state is to blame. Most nights I survive on around 4 hours even if I'm in bed for 6-8. I went to bed at 11:25 (was planning on earlier but happily got snagged by my son for a chat which was lovely) <BR> <BR> Should have replenished my lavender oil hanky for my pillow but I didn't. Woke up at 3:22, turned over at 4:04, 4:44, 5:15, and at 5:55 I said to heck with this and by 6:06 I was downstairs feeling sorry for myself (no sun does that to m... Fri, 19 Aug 2016 09:19:12 EST Toil, Trust, Adjust Well the adventure continues. I continue to carve out space and time for my true self and work on my relationships. It continues to be very challenging and also a very interesting adventure. Lots of scrapes and bruises (figuratively!!!!) along the way and it's a real workout but wow, I have to admit as much as I "don't want to do this" it is and will be worth it all - no matter how it all turns out it will definitely be a new beginning because I'm changing. Period. I've decided I'm not going ... Wed, 17 Aug 2016 10:14:34 EST Wrong Side I woke up on the wrong side of the bed as they say. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It's been along time since it's been this bad. <BR> <BR> I was ready to kill. Literally. Just so frustrated and angry and hurting. And I honestly don't know why, other than "everything" but I mean there was nothing specific. <BR> <BR> Hard. Really hard. Trying to be kind. Trying to be civil. Just wanting to knock heads. To... Fri, 12 Aug 2016 11:20:10 EST I Wonder..... A Year Of Change Ok, blog link fixed in previous blog. Must admit I'm not in love with the mobile app for SP, but I guess since it's free..... but not being able to use the emoticons, add links and only one pic is a bit painful. Oh well, it's better than not being able to post anything at all. Yes I am looking on the bright side. <BR> <BR> It's is grey, breezy and wet here - just like my spirits - I am definitely tied to the weather, but realizing that I know I can work through it if I put my mind to it. <... Wed, 10 Aug 2016 10:00:51 EST Repeat After Me I wrote a blog a couple of years ago that I came across the other day. I decided it was worth reposting. It really is all about perspective. I realize just how long I've been preaching that. But is anyone listening or acting. Now that's the real question. How's your perspective today? <BR> <BR> <BR> Hope you enjoy attitude and circumstance <BR> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>6/08/08/attitude-and-circumstance-2/ </link> <BR> <BR> <BR> Hope everyone is having ... Tue, 9 Aug 2016 10:38:41 EST Blogging <img src=""> Thank you to zeecha and me_here_now for getting me blogging mobile. Just in time for vacation. Yippee! Lots of wow and aha moments happening. Good stuff. Have come so far and have a long way to go. Sounds like a trip of a life time! Oh right, it is! Embracing where I am because I was reminded I really can't move until I do. Life is about so many things including subtlety. Subtle difference detect... Sun, 31 Jul 2016 09:34:47 EST Fighting Right Interesting development the other day. I lent my mother my copy of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and she loved it. Numerous times she has repeated that my husband should read it, he might understand me. Yes, maybe. I've left it out ever since I've read it. I've talked to him about it and well. Maybe one day. <BR> <BR> My mom had returned he book and I'd left it on the "bathroom reading pile". For whatever reason the other day instead of picking up one of the 3 books I'm already rea... Wed, 27 Jul 2016 23:10:13 EST I Am Enough You may have heard this or seen this on social media but it really has been sitting with me lately. I am enough. I keep telling myself that. It does't mean I can't do more, or be better, or be different or that this is the end or the time to stop. But it does mean, for the most part, we can all stop sweating life. We are enough. We really are. I know it's easy to argue that, I can come up with lots of evidence that may "prove" I'm really not enough, but those are only opinions, perspective. ... Tue, 26 Jul 2016 11:20:38 EST Processing First, pet peeve - is there any way to blog on SP from your mobile device? Find having to wait to use my computer very frustrating! <BR> <BR> Second of all I want to shout out to my very special SP friends, you know who you are. You are the ones that consistently comment on my blogs and page and support me even when I drop off the face of the earth. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there in my sparky cyber world. I know there are other supporters out there who may read and no... Mon, 25 Jul 2016 10:21:27 EST Not My Business I read Watermellen's blog this morning with a resounding YES! Not my problem. <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=6204192 </link> <BR> <BR> I have been struggling with a version of this myself. I've been doing a lot of reflection and have come to realize <BR> <BR> 1) I'm a people pleaser and it causes me as much grief as pleasure, maybe a little more in the long run <BR> <BR> 2) I'm a people chaser. Once I get vested in someone, I tend to want to... Thu, 21 Jul 2016 08:39:23 EST I Think I Can I Know I Can Every once in awhile that old story from childhood comes to mind. <BR> <BR> The Little Engine That Could <BR> <BR> That's me. I don't always seem as confident and chipper as I remember that little engine in the book, but at least I keep going. <BR> <BR> Also noticed today that I have been using the terms plodding and slogging a lot lately and you know what, my body has started to feel like it. So, time to change my vocabulary. I'm moving forward with determination and direction, open to ad... Thu, 14 Jul 2016 02:26:33 EST Bound and Determined Yep, I am! Hello my fellow spark buddies! <BR> <BR> Right now life is still a roller coaster and to be honest, I've never been overly found of roller coasters. The ride is usually just a tad more extreme than I like but..... what do I always say about comfort zones? Gotta step out of them... the universe sort of makes sure I take my own advice. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was a less than stellar day and for once I went with it. I'm still a work in progress (and a dang good masterpiece too) but I ... Wed, 13 Jul 2016 10:39:23 EST I Am The Possibility <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It's 2:00 a.m. and I feel quite wide awake. My husband just wondered downstairs to get water and check on me, like he does any night I stay up. I crave my own time and my own space. I seem to have a hard time making certain people understand how imperative that is to my sanity and health overall. So I eek it out where I can. I am no longer apologetic about it. <BR> <BR> I live in a 2000 sq... Sat, 9 Jul 2016 04:31:52 EST It's A New Day It is a new day. <BR> <BR> I had hoped it would start of bright (it did) <BR> I had hoped it would start of rested (it did - although note, need to add more lavender) <BR> I had hoped to feel happy (I don't) <BR> I had hoped to feel motivated (I don't) <BR> I had hoped to feel in the flow (I don't) <BR> <BR> And some days, that is just life. Looking on the bright side, it's an opportunity to open up that tool kit I mentioned yesterday (even though I don't want to) and see if I can determine... Fri, 8 Jul 2016 10:41:13 EST The Question of Depression Good Morning World! <BR> <BR> Yesterday a couple of people wondered if I was depressed. I am here to unequivocally reassure you all that yep, I am. Well, a bit. <BR> <BR> First what is depression? <BR> <BR> "Depression: An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts and that affects the way a person eats, sleeps, feels about himself or herself, and thinks about things. Depression is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can... Thu, 7 Jul 2016 10:12:41 EST Lovely Lavendar Ok, it doesn't hurt that my favourite colour for the last number of months has definitely been purples of many shades. Not a surprise then on one hand when purple lavender came to my rescue quite by chance (if there ever is such a thing as chance or coincidence!) <BR> <BR> Within everything going on in my life over the last (gawd can it actually be almost a year!) has left me filled with many emotions at different times. Quite often that has resulted in a less than restful sleep. Strangely a... Wed, 6 Jul 2016 09:53:39 EST Safe Place Spark is my safe place, my zone. It's where I tend to come when I'm feeling weak and lost and need to rejuvenate. Where I focus on my health - regardless of which area that may be or if it's all tied up into one, like today. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Life is a glorious struggle, sometimes it's actually fun and invigorating other times not so much. Sometimes it feels like a slog. <BR> <BR> I've pulled out ... Tue, 5 Jul 2016 08:55:17 EST Get Over It Already That's what came to me loud and clear this morning. Loudly. In my head. Just Get Over It Already! <BR> <BR> It doesn't matter what "it" is, or how many "it's" there are, how hard "it" is, how big and scary "it" is. It's just time. <BR> <BR> It's time to stop or to start or to push through. But it's time. <BR> <BR> There's a part of me that doesn't want to. There's a part of me that is relieved. <BR> <BR> It's time. <BR> <BR> Get over it already girl. <BR> <BR> On it. <BR> <BR> Namas... Thu, 30 Jun 2016 09:00:19 EST Monday It's grad week here. Still in denial I think, but for the most part actually ready. Not much to be ready about really. Looking forward to it I think. It will really sink in tomorrow when everyone is at the banquet and then the exercises the next night. Wow. First one done - not out the door, but done high school. I'm ok with it, don't have any choice, but I really am ok with it. Finally. And, I'll bawl my eyes out anyway. <BR> <BR> Have pretty much put my weight back where I want it to be b... Mon, 27 Jun 2016 13:53:11 EST Numbness <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I woke up late. Forgot to set my alarm. I'm always up before my alarm. Never like starting my day like that, just always feels "off". <BR> <BR> But I really tried to get it together. Put a smile on my face and hope in my heart and began my day. <BR> <BR> Wasn't doing too badly until... the judgement and questioning started. Again. Hard to keep boundaries in place when I verge on bein... Fri, 24 Jun 2016 11:42:01 EST Tuesday Tantrum First off, before I forget, I want to thank everyone who reads and comments on my blogs. The support I've received since I've been back has meant so much to me. I know I don't always send personal messages to say thank you but know each and every one of you means so much to me and makes my day just a little brighter when you stop by. Ok, a lot brighter. <BR> <BR> I feel like a toddler. Ego is sitting comfortably on my shoulder telling me what to do. What I haven't done. Where I've gone wrong... Tue, 21 Jun 2016 08:32:36 EST Ugh Yuck Fuggle It's Monday incase anyone needed reminding. However, <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I did my AM yoga for the first time in a long time and I feel better for it, going to make it routine again. <BR> <BR> It's also summer solstice - and full moon!!! Loved it, enjoyed it, set my intentions and completed my manifesting ritual. Improved my head space immensely. <BR> <BR> Working at holding onto hope and passing o... Mon, 20 Jun 2016 11:01:57 EST And It Is Good It is a good day today. I'm on my own for basically the whole day and I'm grateful. Grateful for space, time and peace. Grateful for just being me. <BR> <BR> I didn't get my run in yesterday but I did weed my garden which was a bit of a workout even though the weeds were small. Felt very good and we even got a bit of rain so things should grow nicely. With the rain came some beautiful clouds, thunder and lightning. It was wonderful to fall asleep to the sound or rain and a bit of rumbling. <... Wed, 15 Jun 2016 12:40:43 EST Surprises, Success and Forward Momentum I went out this morning and did yard work! Yippee! A few months ago I was working out like a mad woman and loving it. And then my husband started hanging around home a lot more due to an injury and other things and I felt so watched that I completely quit. The best I was doing was walking. Half the time if I went with him he complained I was going to fast. It has taken me literally months to come back to a place of "me" which I so deserve. I live in a 2000 square foot house with no plac... Tue, 14 Jun 2016 12:49:17 EST Blissful Peaceful Calm I have finally reached my place of calm! It's about time I'm back in the flow... I can't say how long it will last but I'm grateful that I've reached it. I was in real need of it and it's nice to get up in the morning with confidence and peace. I just feel like I can manage what comes my way. <BR> <BR> I managed it even through this past weekend which entailed tragedy on the front pages yet again and having to cook for 24 people during a recording session. Even had time to write a blog. <BR... Mon, 13 Jun 2016 18:11:45 EST Fridays and Miracles It's Friday. Anticipation of a weekend used to put a spring in my step and a smile on my face. Now it's just another day on the same hamster wheel. <BR> <BR> My husband has been of work for a few months now with a work related injury, nothing serious, just one of those things that take "time". <BR> <BR> Let's just say it's added a number of new dimensions to my life, none of which I'm enjoying. That might sound cruel, but it's just the way it is. I'm trying to stay present, be in the moment... Fri, 3 Jun 2016 09:16:58 EST It's Morning It is. It's morning. It's grey, cool and windy. Not my kind of day. It's going to rain. But the good new is, we need the rain and it's finally here. Even if my garden isn't in yet. That's ok. I've put it in late and those have actually been some of my best gardens even though I don't get to enjoy the "early" produce and the spinach, one of my favourites, usually doesn't do well because it's too warm. However, I think I might have found a "cooler" slightly shadier spot to try it this year... Tue, 31 May 2016 09:13:44 EST RLA: Someone Funny how when you try to avoid things in life the universe eventually just pushes you off the merry go round and says, "There you go, you're welcome." <BR> <BR> I've been digging in my heels, leaving deep ruts in the ground as I'm being pushed. I am not going easily into what comes next. It doesn't matter that I know it needs to happen or that in the end it will all be good or that there is a big picture. I simply don't want to. I am screaming and kicking for all I'm worth. And I'm losing, ... Mon, 23 May 2016 14:31:31 EST Toooooo Long It's been too long since I wrote my last blog. Anywhere for that matter. It isn't even really that I'm too busy though I am extremely busy. Its simply that I have no space left to create. I feel claustrophobic and micromanaged. I can't keep my head straight enough to put words together. And, I feel judged. Lots to work on in my life right now. Blogging is usually one of the ways I do that. I miss it. I need it. So.... I'm going to do it. <BR> <BR> And this was the start. Onwards, upw... Fri, 13 May 2016 12:48:33 EST Goal Met! It's been a while since I posted. Life has been busy, full of change and it's been hard to wrap my mind around it all so a lot of time has been spent just being. <BR> <BR> During that time I kept my commitment to treating myself better and keeping the good habits I've formed. Unfortunately, still have one or two not so good ones to shed but that will come too. <BR> <BR> So... At my highest weight I got to almost 140. Still can't believe that. Really I can't. This mornings weigh in 109.... Sun, 27 Mar 2016 09:40:29 EST Life Is Always Interesting Even when it isn't always fun. <BR> <BR> I got into the groove <BR> I found my MOJO <BR> I got it working <BR> I was in the zone <BR> I felt complete <BR> Creative <BR> Powerful <BR> Determined <BR> Driven <BR> Motivated <BR> Inspired <BR> Unstoppable <BR> Unbeatable <BR> World changer <BR> Earth shaker <BR> Life changer <BR> <BR> I couldn't stop smiling, <BR> I couldn't stop trying, <BR> I couldn't stop the ideas from flowing <BR> <BR> I didn't need sleep <BR> I didn't need food <BR> W... Sun, 31 Jan 2016 13:22:16 EST RLA April in December Hi everyone! <BR> <BR> Hope the new year is going well for everyone so far. Looking forward to making it great - even though I don't know what that means for sure yet. Going with the flow. :) <BR> <BR> Here's the latest blog from Rise Like Air. Hope you enjoy. <BR> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>/april-in-december/ </link> <BR> <BR> Namaste, <BR> CJ Mon, 4 Jan 2016 11:26:17 EST RLA Happy New Year Happy New Year everyone! <BR> <BR> It's going to be fantastic. I can tell. I can also tell it's going to be filled with challenges, amazing encounters, unbelievable and amazing things. I'm working at embracing pure uncertainty and learning to love it. At least not to run in abject fear! I am truly a work in progress. <BR> <BR> I'm working on a more detailed blog right now and hope to post it here soon. In the mean time, I thought I'd share my blog from Rise Like Air today. <BR> <BR>... Fri, 1 Jan 2016 14:21:35 EST Living Mondays Ok when things go crazy they really go crazy. <BR> <BR> I knew my life was due for some real upheaval. I could feel it coming, knew it needed to come. I also knew I could run toward it, sit and wait or run away. I would like to say I ran toward it, but in truth, I sat and waited. Better than running away. <BR> <BR> I feel like my world burst completely open, like a new spring flower. Opportunity, possibility, change, choice... a plethora of options and combinations.... just waiting for ... Mon, 30 Nov 2015 09:30:33 EST Catch Up Time I was informed the other day by a Spark friend that it's been a while since I posted a blog. She was very right. <BR> <BR> For the last month or two my life has been in overwhelming upheaval. It's all good, I think - but like all upheaval, even the good stuff provides challenges. Perspective shifts take a lot of time and energy to process. <BR> <BR> It's all terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.... potential for new relationships, work and personal. Potential for a new car... Mon, 23 Nov 2015 08:42:07 EST RLA: Playing and Growing Well, life has been busier than ever but it's been good. Thought I'd share another blog with you. <BR> <BR> Have a great day everyone! Hoping to take a rest this afternoon and catch up on some blog reading here. Cheer! <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> Namaste, <BR> CJ <BR> <em>414</em> Thu, 8 Oct 2015 11:49:30 EST RLA: What's The Difference? Haven't got much to say today, had a tiring night. Knew I had to be up early and that seemed to mean I couldn't get a good nights sleep. Eghad, I'm turning into my mother. Words of advice for any youngun's out there.... don't laugh at your parents "aged" trials and tribulations because those same trials and tribulations just might visit you..... and they seem a lot less humorous then. Go figure. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> However, I treated myself and went back to bed for an hour after I g... Mon, 28 Sep 2015 10:59:08 EST RLA: Dreaming Today, is World Dream Day! <BR> <BR> #WorldDreamDay <BR> <BR> Check out my latest blog about why being a dreamer is a good thing. <BR> <BR> <BR> Wishing your big dreams that you make come true. <BR> <BR> Namaste, <BR> CJ <BR> <BR> <link><BR>5/09/25/world-dream-day-2015-dream-big/ </link> Fri, 25 Sep 2015 12:45:07 EST Points for Trying Well, I might not wait until my year is up to add another item. Have to be careful because lately I have really felt like I am walking a tight rope. So many good things, but organizing, keeping track, being energetic, trusting my intuition, being true to myself, not letting others change me, staying positive, being kind, having other people's back, sometimes I have to really sit back and say "what have I done!" and "How can I do everything!" <BR> <BR> In truth I can't. That's where friends ... Thu, 24 Sep 2015 10:57:36 EST I'm Challenged! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Well, as much as my life continues to be in turmoil just because of being busy, and having too many irons in the fire - it is still a very good life. <BR> <BR> I am still meeting the challenge I set for myself to log into to SP everyday for a year - even if all I do is get my points and do a quick check of my friend feed - and as you've probably noticed, over the past few months ther... Wed, 23 Sep 2015 10:54:47 EST RLA: Hearts Well, it's been awhile, busy living life - hurray! <BR> <BR> Just wanted to leave a link to my latest blog, hope you enjoy meeting this family. <BR> <BR> Namaste, <BR> CJ <BR> <em>414</em> <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Thu, 17 Sep 2015 15:46:03 EST