CRYSTALJEM's SparkPeople Blog CRYSTALJEM's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Wordless <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Wow that's gotta be a bit new. I'm sitting here trying to think what to write. My head feels full but it's all rumbling around <BR> <BR> I have found that letting go is challenging but worth it and sometimes it goes slowly and sometimes it goes with a "whoosh!" <BR> <BR> And my husband is sighing because I'm on the computer. And so it will just keep rumbling around. <BR> <BR> Maybe lat... Tue, 25 Apr 2017 09:16:15 EST Winter Arrived Well, winter paid us another visit last night. Seems to miss us way to much. At least it can't last right? <BR> <BR> It's Monday. It's supposed to be a fun day. We will see. <BR> <BR> Other than snow, this week promises a nice evening at Globe Theatre, taxes done and remitted, and hopefully a productive week at work. Maybe even some time to myself. Once can only hope. <BR> <BR> Realized that in only a couple of weeks the school band trip is on so my husband and daughter will be gone for ... Mon, 24 Apr 2017 09:15:38 EST Winter Arrived Well, winter paid us another visit last night. Seems to miss us way to much. At least it can't last right? <BR> <BR> It's Monday. It's supposed to be a fun day. We will see. <BR> <BR> Other than snow, this week promises a nice evening at Globe Theatre, taxes done and remitted, and hopefully a productive week at work. Maybe even some time to myself. Once can only hope. <BR> <BR> Realized that in only a couple of weeks the school band trip is on so my husband and daughter will be gone for ... Mon, 24 Apr 2017 09:15:32 EST Time-Less Hello! I finally got back on here. <BR> <BR> I really do not like the SP phone app and I just never seem to be on a computer hardly that I can sit and blog. I've found it very frustrating. <BR> <BR> Working full time now hasn't helped - how do people do this? Glad I like my job A LOT! but it's gotten so busy and I'm only supposed to be part time. Working basically full time I'm hardly keeping up right now and we need to hire someone. But it all takes.... wait for it.... TIME. And late... Thu, 20 Apr 2017 08:26:11 EST Forgiveness in a Flash Link in yesterday's blog is fixed. I had a great sleep! with a little help from a prescription, but man it felt good to sleep and then wake up refreshed. For the most part. <BR> <BR> I'm going to share The Kindness Flash with everyone today. One of my favourite monthly things, and yes I'm totally biased! But i do enjoy a newsletter that only has good news for a change. And it's real, not just campy stuff. So without further ado.... here we go! <BR> <BR> <link> Wed, 8 Feb 2017 08:44:05 EST Boomerang See, I didn't disappear completely! Wow, cool. I'm still here! <BR> <BR> Life continues to be wild. I'm beginning to think that ageing really is in the same ball park as puberty! Never a dull moment... hormones... drama... uncertainty... learning... guessing... holy sh!t batman! <BR> <BR> For starters... here's the blog I wrote today about my favourite book ;) <BR> <BR> <link><BR>7/02/06/experience-the-kindness-boomer<BR>ang/ </link> <BR> <BR> I s... Tue, 7 Feb 2017 08:33:23 EST Sick Sick Sick Well, at least a I'm not AS sick as I was. Still feeling weak and tired but I'm heading to work for a while today just to get out of the house if nothing else. <BR> <BR> Wow, life is always interesting. Too interesting for my taste right now. Still reeling from yesterday. Still trying to be me all the time. It works best but it isn't easy. <BR> <BR> Loved your comment yesterday Linda about country music at work. :) I am not a country fan, haven't been since I was about 13, but this is what... Fri, 27 Jan 2017 07:42:47 EST I'm Back - Officially I forgot I'd taken my page offline. Had a bit of a security concern we'll say. Go figure... my mind has been kind of full lately. Fuller even than usual. But yesterday it hit me that's what happened... so now it's back. <BR> <BR> Here I thought no one cared... and I'd just forgotten to flip a switch <em>198</em> Oh how we can over think things. <BR> <BR> Work is awesome! So let's focus on that. I'm learning and learning and sweating over stupid little stuff. But each day is fun and so f... Thu, 26 Jan 2017 16:56:44 EST Let's Talk Shall We? Hi!, <BR> It became apparent today I've been gone awhile - around 48 days if my status info is correct. My how time flies. Fun isn't the only thing that makes time fly, more of us just prefer it. <BR> <BR> It's Bell Let's Talk Day and given all the stuff swirling around me lately and the fact that I'm home sick from work.... I wrote a blog. It's been awhile. Sort of like being here. <BR> <BR> Anyway, just like being here, I feel better for having done a bit of writing. I also feel better ... Wed, 25 Jan 2017 16:54:44 EST Happy Everything! No matter what you celebrate (or don't celebrate) I wish everyone a wonderful season filled with kindness, hope and the knowledge that we all matter and together we can make a wonderful difference in all we do, no matter how small it may seem. <BR> <BR> Off and running, life is life, making it all that it can be where I am. Even found a bit of time to share a story :) <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> Wishing everyone all that's magical and blessed! <BR> <BR> Namaste... Sat, 24 Dec 2016 12:41:27 EST Huge Favour - Self Care :) Hey everyone, <BR> <BR> I have to do some writing on the topic of self care for an upcoming news letter. I was wondering if you would be so kind as to share some of your favourite self care things. Anything is awesome, but I'll list the categories that I'm specifically trying to fill too. You can be anonymous or credited - your choice :) <BR> <BR> <BR> Topics on Self Care: <BR> <BR> QUOTES <BR> <BR> BOOK TITLES <BR> <BR> SONG <BR> <BR> TALK (e.g. along the Ted Talk line etc) <BR> <BR... Thu, 8 Dec 2016 10:11:58 EST December and the Topic of Humility Good Morning! or afternoon, evening or whatever might be in between. <BR> <BR> Not feeling it. Really do not like December. Used to be my fav month and now I dread it the most. Have been trying to shift and flip that, but hey I'm surviving and smiling through it. <BR> <BR> Here's my latest blog :) <BR> <BR> <BR> ** note ** link has been fixed. I seem to have a thing about posting my blog links here... lol <BR> Have a great day everyone. Rock and roll. Honest... It really is now!!!! <BR>... Thu, 8 Dec 2016 08:40:43 EST Passion Not a December fan anymore. Trying to rock it.... more like rocking the boat. On it. :) <BR> <BR> Wrote a blog this morning about passion. Hope you enjoy :) <BR> <BR> Rock your day, rock your world, make it all it can be. I woke up about 8 times last night with a panic attack each time. Not letting it throw me... a little tired, but I did my self care and I'm going to show this day how to shine and glow from start to finish. How about you? <BR> <BR> <link> Mon, 5 Dec 2016 08:16:00 EST Not Far Enough Well, week 1 - 3 days are up and I really enjoyed it. Not used to sitting so much so will be working at standing more while I type and read and watch videos and meet with people. Sitting sucks. <BR> <BR> The work is interesting and not too overwhelming. I'm glad that I'm in a position that is, so far, just the right amount of challenge. <BR> <BR> I like the environment, culture and people. Good start. I seem to be fitting in and have had some show that they are willing to give me a chance... Mon, 28 Nov 2016 09:20:22 EST Deep Breaths Ok, quick blog this morning. <BR> <BR> First day of work yesterday! Amazing. Loved it. Great place. Great people. Freaking COLD!!!! Knew it would be, thought I'd dressed well enough, wore my down filled jacket in the office most of the day. Going back better prepared. <BR> <BR> Good news. I like them, they like me. <BR> <BR> Weirdest part is I went in expecting next to no hours and now they sorta want me "full time" for a project - mainly just a week lol, and then more duties but probabl... Thu, 24 Nov 2016 07:58:41 EST Tuesday News Day I must admit I prefer having a great sleep because I tend to wake up in a better mood. Having to share a bed sucks in my opinion. I think I want a row of spikes down the centre of something. I have shrunk a bit in the last year it's true, but even I like more than 6 inches of bed. Am I alone in this? LOL No worries all is good. Nothing that the sunshine and a strong cup of earl grey won't fix. <BR> <BR> Life is life, but I've been getting more organized, more determined (yes, really!) and ... Tue, 22 Nov 2016 07:16:43 EST Making the 3 Way Connection Hey everyone! <BR> <BR> First off, thank you as always for the blog love. I have been terrible at getting back to people individually. I have been catching up on some blogs, and again I apologize because I have not always taken the time to comment. Life is really busy and stressful right now, but so is becoming a butterfly so I'm on it. Life, is also very good. Just have to keep my perspective. <BR> <BR> Health wise.... up and down.... Doing well, eating and drinking better. Sleeping ... Thu, 17 Nov 2016 08:11:58 EST Behind, Ahead, It's All The Same <img src=""> <BR> I am so far behind in life. Period. And as a people pleaser, I'm fighting putting me first - and not just "me, me" - I mean me so I can get everyone else's expectations met. Ya, go figure. Work in progress. PROGRESS. Keeping that word forefront. <BR> <BR> Honest, it looks like a rotten weekend and week coming up. The energies coming off of everything (for those who feel the world in that way) ar... Sat, 12 Nov 2016 07:41:35 EST Kindness and Baby Steps When I look back, I see I'm making progress. This is why we look back. Not to beat ourselves up or drown in the past, its to see that we are actually moving ahead, no matter how slowly. <BR> <BR> Mike Dooley's message was perfect this morning. <BR> <BR> "However long it's been taking, however difficult it's seemed, or however lonely you've become, CJ, remember, you live in a dream world where literally tomorrow, everything can radically change for the better. Especially when you've been v... Thu, 3 Nov 2016 09:26:44 EST Possibilities Wow! Thank you all for the blog love and the love in general. Shorter days usually play with my mood and days are definitely shorter. And we have had way too many grey ones for this time of year and locale. But, I am persevering and making it through. Not up on murder charges yet so all is good. <BR> <BR> I am really living the possibility of COURAGE right now. Everyday I remind myself. Even set up reminders on my phone for 4 times a day to pop up with messages - I am enough, or I am the ... Tue, 1 Nov 2016 08:37:09 EST Behind, Ahead, Perspective I am so incredibly behind in my life I should just start walking backwards. Seriously. Difficult to maintain focus and well, that just screws up me getting anything done. Working on it. Making progress but dang, I am also having to work on patience. Work work work... press on. That is life and well, it's fairly amazing if you look beyond the drudgery of it. As Zeecha reminded me this morning, it's about perspective and what we focus on. Our choice. My choice. So choosing. <BR> <BR> <img sr... Fri, 28 Oct 2016 09:42:24 EST Achoo I don't like being sick... for the most part. But I also have come to realize that often when I get sick it's because I need to. My body knows that I too often, just keep going with the attitude of "I'll take care of you later." And my body is patient. Up to a degree. And then it smacks me upside the head. I see it happening to a lot of people around me in the same boat. Oh we're blaming the germs and time of year.... but for most of us.... it's because we've been ignoring ourselves with our... Thu, 20 Oct 2016 09:18:22 EST Patience I think if I ever had another child I would want to have the name Patience in the mix. Patience, something I need to be reminded of daily. I've cultivated quite a bit but when the going gets tough.... my patience tends to get going... out the door. <BR> <BR> So, I've been working on being a patient. Letting go. Seeing what happens and when without me controlling and pushing. You know what? Life sort of takes care of itself and works when you don't push too hard. Go figure. The books a... Tue, 18 Oct 2016 08:59:02 EST Moving on Up Well, I don't know really, just needed a title and I'm not really awake or motivated enough yet to even think. Kettle is on, but no tantalizing smell of bergamot to start my senses stirring. Just a cat trying to control my keyboard. Pretty typical morning really. Simply trying to sneak in me time. <BR> <BR> Getting more natural to define, set and keep my boundaries, but it is still tiring and easy to forget. However, I'm seeing a difference, last couple of days there's maybe even an impr... Tue, 11 Oct 2016 08:50:21 EST Soul Warming Hello! Happy Friday! It is grey, wet and cool here. I have a cold. I am aching all over. My internet connection sucks and has sucked for weeks and my wonderful husband seems not that interested in making it a priority. Seeing more clearly who has what priorities when. My book isn't finished, my bff is going down hill, my relationships are still in flux, my daughter is sick, my son is working at adulting with quite a bit of success although he isn't loving the concept. My husband is finall... Fri, 23 Sep 2016 09:22:37 EST Affairs Are In Order Well, it's been quite a whirlwind week. Decisions made to focus on the bright spots and the good stuff because it's my choice. I really need to make the choice. Because the alternative just isn't going to work for me. It literally makes me sick, and tired, and weary. And did I mention sick. Right I did. Sick. Yes, it makes me sick. And I don't want to be sick anymore. <BR> <BR> My weight is right on now. Which is wonderful. I feel pretty good, except sleep has been eluding me, not surprisin... Mon, 19 Sep 2016 09:51:28 EST My Biggest Fear Wow! So much change, so much wow. That doesn't mean I'm liking it all... or well, more accurately enjoying it all. I like that I'm changing, growing, moving forward. Some of it just isn't so easy. It's all for the best I know. <BR> <BR> Dropped back down to 111.4 lbs. I'm happy, but not excited about that. I now feel comfortable anywhere between 110 and 115. Eating is relatively healthy although on my retreat I really had no appetite and literally had to force myself to eat even though ther... Fri, 16 Sep 2016 13:19:07 EST I Am Not Above Being Human Wow, I knew September was going to be a month of change, of letting go, learning and personal growth. And even though it's only the 6th, I haven't been disappointed. Maybe a tad overwhelmed and anxious at times, and at others exhilarated and at yet others simply observant. <BR> <BR> I have experienced an array of emotions already today and thoughts have been running through my head. I have had to accept the challenge of holding a positive perspective, ensuring I look at all the limitless pos... Tue, 6 Sep 2016 11:36:11 EST Take 99.... and ACTION! Life is interesting as long as you keep the right perspective. No one really wants to read oh woe is me stuff unless there's a happy ending. I'm not there yet, but for each time I feel like I won't get there, I get that next message and burst of energy that says I will. Like any marathon a runner has their moments of being in the zone and moments of hitting the wall. Every runner knows it, every runner has to learn how they can deal with it to get over the wall and to the finish line. <BR> ... Wed, 24 Aug 2016 09:58:12 EST Seeing The Good Proud of myself - I'm still going well over my 6000 step count, still around 9-11000 most days. Flights of stairs still around 9-12 at home and 15-22 at the lake (that big hill from the water to the camper is bonus!) <BR> <BR> Was chatting with a friend and we were both talking about how much easier to tell someone else to see their progress than it is to take our own advice. Made me appreciate how hard it is for those I offer advice too. haha <BR> <BR> Overall onwards and upwards.... looki... Sat, 20 Aug 2016 16:24:56 EST What's In A Name? Maybe Everything Working on better sleep. It comes and goes. Mental state is to blame. Most nights I survive on around 4 hours even if I'm in bed for 6-8. I went to bed at 11:25 (was planning on earlier but happily got snagged by my son for a chat which was lovely) <BR> <BR> Should have replenished my lavender oil hanky for my pillow but I didn't. Woke up at 3:22, turned over at 4:04, 4:44, 5:15, and at 5:55 I said to heck with this and by 6:06 I was downstairs feeling sorry for myself (no sun does that to m... Fri, 19 Aug 2016 09:19:12 EST Toil, Trust, Adjust Well the adventure continues. I continue to carve out space and time for my true self and work on my relationships. It continues to be very challenging and also a very interesting adventure. Lots of scrapes and bruises (figuratively!!!!) along the way and it's a real workout but wow, I have to admit as much as I "don't want to do this" it is and will be worth it all - no matter how it all turns out it will definitely be a new beginning because I'm changing. Period. I've decided I'm not going ... Wed, 17 Aug 2016 10:14:34 EST Wrong Side I woke up on the wrong side of the bed as they say. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It's been along time since it's been this bad. <BR> <BR> I was ready to kill. Literally. Just so frustrated and angry and hurting. And I honestly don't know why, other than "everything" but I mean there was nothing specific. <BR> <BR> Hard. Really hard. Trying to be kind. Trying to be civil. Just wanting to knock heads. To... Fri, 12 Aug 2016 11:20:10 EST I Wonder..... A Year Of Change Ok, blog link fixed in previous blog. Must admit I'm not in love with the mobile app for SP, but I guess since it's free..... but not being able to use the emoticons, add links and only one pic is a bit painful. Oh well, it's better than not being able to post anything at all. Yes I am looking on the bright side. <BR> <BR> It's is grey, breezy and wet here - just like my spirits - I am definitely tied to the weather, but realizing that I know I can work through it if I put my mind to it. <... Wed, 10 Aug 2016 10:00:51 EST Repeat After Me I wrote a blog a couple of years ago that I came across the other day. I decided it was worth reposting. It really is all about perspective. I realize just how long I've been preaching that. But is anyone listening or acting. Now that's the real question. How's your perspective today? <BR> <BR> <BR> Hope you enjoy attitude and circumstance <BR> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>6/08/08/attitude-and-circumstance-2/ </link> <BR> <BR> <BR> Hope everyone is having ... Tue, 9 Aug 2016 10:38:41 EST Blogging <img src=""> Thank you to zeecha and me_here_now for getting me blogging mobile. Just in time for vacation. Yippee! Lots of wow and aha moments happening. Good stuff. Have come so far and have a long way to go. Sounds like a trip of a life time! Oh right, it is! Embracing where I am because I was reminded I really can't move until I do. Life is about so many things including subtlety. Subtle difference detect... Sun, 31 Jul 2016 09:34:47 EST Fighting Right Interesting development the other day. I lent my mother my copy of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and she loved it. Numerous times she has repeated that my husband should read it, he might understand me. Yes, maybe. I've left it out ever since I've read it. I've talked to him about it and well. Maybe one day. <BR> <BR> My mom had returned he book and I'd left it on the "bathroom reading pile". For whatever reason the other day instead of picking up one of the 3 books I'm already rea... Wed, 27 Jul 2016 23:10:13 EST I Am Enough You may have heard this or seen this on social media but it really has been sitting with me lately. I am enough. I keep telling myself that. It does't mean I can't do more, or be better, or be different or that this is the end or the time to stop. But it does mean, for the most part, we can all stop sweating life. We are enough. We really are. I know it's easy to argue that, I can come up with lots of evidence that may "prove" I'm really not enough, but those are only opinions, perspective. ... Tue, 26 Jul 2016 11:20:38 EST Processing First, pet peeve - is there any way to blog on SP from your mobile device? Find having to wait to use my computer very frustrating! <BR> <BR> Second of all I want to shout out to my very special SP friends, you know who you are. You are the ones that consistently comment on my blogs and page and support me even when I drop off the face of the earth. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there in my sparky cyber world. I know there are other supporters out there who may read and no... Mon, 25 Jul 2016 10:21:27 EST Not My Business I read Watermellen's blog this morning with a resounding YES! Not my problem. <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=6204192 </link> <BR> <BR> I have been struggling with a version of this myself. I've been doing a lot of reflection and have come to realize <BR> <BR> 1) I'm a people pleaser and it causes me as much grief as pleasure, maybe a little more in the long run <BR> <BR> 2) I'm a people chaser. Once I get vested in someone, I tend to want to... Thu, 21 Jul 2016 08:39:23 EST I Think I Can I Know I Can Every once in awhile that old story from childhood comes to mind. <BR> <BR> The Little Engine That Could <BR> <BR> That's me. I don't always seem as confident and chipper as I remember that little engine in the book, but at least I keep going. <BR> <BR> Also noticed today that I have been using the terms plodding and slogging a lot lately and you know what, my body has started to feel like it. So, time to change my vocabulary. I'm moving forward with determination and direction, open to ad... Thu, 14 Jul 2016 02:26:33 EST Bound and Determined Yep, I am! Hello my fellow spark buddies! <BR> <BR> Right now life is still a roller coaster and to be honest, I've never been overly found of roller coasters. The ride is usually just a tad more extreme than I like but..... what do I always say about comfort zones? Gotta step out of them... the universe sort of makes sure I take my own advice. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was a less than stellar day and for once I went with it. I'm still a work in progress (and a dang good masterpiece too) but I ... Wed, 13 Jul 2016 10:39:23 EST I Am The Possibility <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It's 2:00 a.m. and I feel quite wide awake. My husband just wondered downstairs to get water and check on me, like he does any night I stay up. I crave my own time and my own space. I seem to have a hard time making certain people understand how imperative that is to my sanity and health overall. So I eek it out where I can. I am no longer apologetic about it. <BR> <BR> I live in a 2000 sq... Sat, 9 Jul 2016 04:31:52 EST It's A New Day It is a new day. <BR> <BR> I had hoped it would start of bright (it did) <BR> I had hoped it would start of rested (it did - although note, need to add more lavender) <BR> I had hoped to feel happy (I don't) <BR> I had hoped to feel motivated (I don't) <BR> I had hoped to feel in the flow (I don't) <BR> <BR> And some days, that is just life. Looking on the bright side, it's an opportunity to open up that tool kit I mentioned yesterday (even though I don't want to) and see if I can determine... Fri, 8 Jul 2016 10:41:13 EST The Question of Depression Good Morning World! <BR> <BR> Yesterday a couple of people wondered if I was depressed. I am here to unequivocally reassure you all that yep, I am. Well, a bit. <BR> <BR> First what is depression? <BR> <BR> "Depression: An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts and that affects the way a person eats, sleeps, feels about himself or herself, and thinks about things. Depression is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can... Thu, 7 Jul 2016 10:12:41 EST Lovely Lavendar Ok, it doesn't hurt that my favourite colour for the last number of months has definitely been purples of many shades. Not a surprise then on one hand when purple lavender came to my rescue quite by chance (if there ever is such a thing as chance or coincidence!) <BR> <BR> Within everything going on in my life over the last (gawd can it actually be almost a year!) has left me filled with many emotions at different times. Quite often that has resulted in a less than restful sleep. Strangely a... Wed, 6 Jul 2016 09:53:39 EST Safe Place Spark is my safe place, my zone. It's where I tend to come when I'm feeling weak and lost and need to rejuvenate. Where I focus on my health - regardless of which area that may be or if it's all tied up into one, like today. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Life is a glorious struggle, sometimes it's actually fun and invigorating other times not so much. Sometimes it feels like a slog. <BR> <BR> I've pulled out ... Tue, 5 Jul 2016 08:55:17 EST Get Over It Already That's what came to me loud and clear this morning. Loudly. In my head. Just Get Over It Already! <BR> <BR> It doesn't matter what "it" is, or how many "it's" there are, how hard "it" is, how big and scary "it" is. It's just time. <BR> <BR> It's time to stop or to start or to push through. But it's time. <BR> <BR> There's a part of me that doesn't want to. There's a part of me that is relieved. <BR> <BR> It's time. <BR> <BR> Get over it already girl. <BR> <BR> On it. <BR> <BR> Namas... Thu, 30 Jun 2016 09:00:19 EST Monday It's grad week here. Still in denial I think, but for the most part actually ready. Not much to be ready about really. Looking forward to it I think. It will really sink in tomorrow when everyone is at the banquet and then the exercises the next night. Wow. First one done - not out the door, but done high school. I'm ok with it, don't have any choice, but I really am ok with it. Finally. And, I'll bawl my eyes out anyway. <BR> <BR> Have pretty much put my weight back where I want it to be b... Mon, 27 Jun 2016 13:53:11 EST Numbness <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I woke up late. Forgot to set my alarm. I'm always up before my alarm. Never like starting my day like that, just always feels "off". <BR> <BR> But I really tried to get it together. Put a smile on my face and hope in my heart and began my day. <BR> <BR> Wasn't doing too badly until... the judgement and questioning started. Again. Hard to keep boundaries in place when I verge on bein... Fri, 24 Jun 2016 11:42:01 EST