CRESHA20's SparkPeople Blog CRESHA20's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Seemingly Impossible Last night I had a talk with my brother who has been on a health and wellness journey. He asked me if I thought that weight loss was possible. I told him that for me many days I really feel as though I cannot do this. In the back of my mind it's like I know I can do this. I told him that I have all of the tools, but I don't feel as though I have the dedication. I don't know what will give me the extra push. I feel overwhelmed most days, and I don't know how to truly cope with everything... Sun, 17 Sep 2017 13:37:25 EST Giving Up I thought I might as well give up because I was so tired of starting and quitting over and over again. Of course I want instant results, but I recognize that is an unrealistic expectation. I am tired of shedding tears over my lack of weight loss results. I don't like reaching out for help because I'm downright embarrassed, and it also seems like it's difficult to get people to give the kind of help I feel like I need. I've been feeling so overwhelmed and discouraged. I did share my thoug... Thu, 16 Feb 2017 12:17:49 EST Beginning Again I have been in a rut for a while. I keep starting something, but only doing it once or twice and giving up. Someone reached out to me a couple of weeks ago just out of the blue. He sent me a text message letting me know that he was getting ready to start his Choose2Lose program again and asked if I was interested. I was definitely interested. I was a little apprehensive because so much has changed in my life. When I first did his program (3 times from 2008-2009), I had nothing to stop m... Fri, 29 Jan 2016 08:18:59 EST I Am Still Here.... trucking along. I have started using my wellness time at work. The past few weeks I had been walking at least 3 days for about 25 minutes. Last week, I didn't make it to 3 days. I believe I might have only walked 1. It has gotten pretty hot outside, high 80's -90's. I don't normally fare well in the heat. I have really struggled. I am thinking I will probably have to get on the elliptical or treadmill or something because the heat is nearly unbearable for me. <BR> <BR> While I have... Mon, 18 May 2015 08:08:20 EST Still Going Although I have not made any great strides here lately, I have not given up. The highest weight I got up to while pregnant was 367. As of today I am down to 313. I keep fluctuating between 313 and 320. Over the weekend I joined WW online. I have been keeping track of my food and everything on there. My baby just turned 9 months, and I feel kind of bad that I still have been unable to get back into a workout routine. I know I need to start using my wellness time at work because at least... Thu, 12 Feb 2015 10:15:10 EST The Baby is Here!!! I am so excited because my baby is here. I had him on May 7th at 37 weeks along. It seems surreal because for a long time I thought that I might not be able to conceive. I struggled for about 3.5 years to conceive, and when it became a reality, I was just so thankful. Before my pregnancy I was at about 310 from my high of 345. During my pregnancy I got to at least 367. It was a little difficult to see those numbers rising on the scale. I was a little nervous that they wouldn't decrease at... Thu, 29 May 2014 20:30:30 EST My Big News It finally happened. I am pregnant!!! I am a little over 3 months, and I am very excited. I have wanted to yell it to the whole world since I found out, but I was waiting until after my first trimester. I believe many things played a role in the success of treatment this time, and I think one of the most important things was a new doctor who was willing to work with me. <BR> <BR> There are so many women out there with PCOS who have horror stories about their doctors. While I don't have horr... Mon, 25 Nov 2013 07:40:25 EST My Experience at Hilton Head Health I have been overweight since I was a child. I can remember on the first day of fourth grade telling a friend that I needed to go on a diet. Looking back on it, it seemed like I was so old at the time, but was merely a young child. As I got older, my weight problems have only increased. Sure there were a few times where I was actually successful at weight loss, but the success was short lived. <BR> I love watching weight loss shows because I enjoy hearing people’s stories and seeing their ... Tue, 18 Jun 2013 07:36:13 EST Sometimes I Lose Sight Sometimes I lose sight of the reasons why I am even on this journey. When I try hard and it seems like I am just going nowhere, I get into a funk. Sometimes when I am elbow deep into a bag of chips the reasons why I am trying to succeed on this journey hit me...I was so close to being diabetic the last time I went to the doctor. I don't want to have diabetes. I want to be able to move easily without all the pain and pressure of trying to get up, etc. I don't want to live in fear of whether or... Thu, 3 Jan 2013 07:51:41 EST PCOS, working out I haven’t blogged in a few weeks. I am feeling so much better, but I still have the cough lingering. It’s not bad most of the time, but sometimes it gets pretty bad. Right now I can’t take any medicine with antihistamines because I am going in for allergy testing in a couple of days. Thank God I am doing a lot better or I’d be miserable. I hope after the testing they can tell me something that will be helpful. <BR> I have been able to start back working out. I have worked out more days tha... Mon, 5 Nov 2012 11:28:09 EST Still Sick It's been a month now since I've been sick. Right now I am unable to do any official workouts, but I have been getting in a lot of walking with all of the pacing I have been doing. I am on my second round of antiobiotics b/c the sinus infection came back with a vengeance. I pray that this time I am healed and can move forward with working out diligently. I am still waiting for the sickness to go. I am trying to be patient. I still haven't given up hope. Fri, 12 Oct 2012 14:50:25 EST Worth It!!! No one said it would be easy, but they have said it would be worth it. I wonder if I have what it takes to make it. When times get tough, can I keep forging ahead or will I quit? Many times I have definitely quit. When I quit, I would continue to think about starting back. I would feel discouraged about how far I had to go. I have been ashamed and angry with myself for messing up and getting that much further away from my goals. My health and body have suffered for so long. My quality o... Mon, 1 Oct 2012 21:28:08 EST Today I feel superamazing. I went to bed early last night. I woke up early, and since I know I'm not going to aerobics, I did a workout. My workout of choice was Exerbeat for Wii. When I got on this morning, it said I hadn't been on in 19 days. I definitely have to change that b/c it's something I really enjoy. I didn't realize it had been so long. Oops, my bad. It won't happen again unless I'm doing something else like my Just Dance or using my home gym consistently. I plan on working out again ... Tue, 17 Apr 2012 07:24:11 EST Wii-Walk It Out My 2 new games came yesterday (Monday) instead of Wednesday. I was pretty excited. I decided to try Walk It Out instead of Exerbeat. The lady was so annoying on that game. It was like she kept rambling on. The set up takes longer than it seems like it should with the lady talking all throughout. I guess it's something they feel the need to do to make it feel more interactive. I was so busy trying to get her to shut up that I think I missed some of the important things she was telling me. I w... Tue, 6 Mar 2012 08:56:09 EST Keepin It Real With Myself and anyone else who is reading. The other day I posted my first Vlog. It's one thing to have pictures of yourself up but it's totally different to record yourself for people to hear and see you speaking. Well, the day after posting my first Vlog, I decided to record myself dancing to one of my Just Dance songs. I watched that video, and all I saw was THE TRUTH that anyone reading this will not be so unlucky to see. I looked so horribly hideous. It didn't matter that I felt as though I could d... Mon, 5 Mar 2012 09:47:48 EST Wii Workout I finished an hour long workout on my Wii. I did Just Dance 3 for 35 minutes and Just Dance 2 for 25 minutes. It was pretty fun. When I first got Just Dance 3, I didn't really like it, but it has grown on me. What a great and exhausting workout! Sun, 4 Mar 2012 13:41:50 EST Vlog 1 Just me doing my first video blog. I finally braved it since my sister has done a few of them. It's nothing special. Sat, 3 Mar 2012 23:22:16 EST This morning I woke up around 4 and decided that I should get a workout in. I did Leslie Sansone's Walk and Jog. It was 2.5 miles, and I did the jogging along with them. I feel accomplished so far since I've got a good start on my day. Now on to preparing my food for the workday. Have a great day! Mon, 27 Feb 2012 05:39:42 EST Sick I have been so sick for over a week now. It started last Tuesday. I still went for my walks at work, and then over the weekend I tried something that I haven't tried in more than a year. I did interval training on my treadmill. I actually felt great even though I was scared about hurting my knees and lower back any worse. I just iced them afterwards. Thankfully they were fine. I thought I would get to continue to try it, but this sickness just has really gotten the best of me. I can barely br... Wed, 11 Jan 2012 21:48:57 EST Skating I cannot skate, but I want to learn how. I went to skating lessons for an hour back in 2010, but I didn't learn. It was so difficult. I decided this weekend after going with my sis, her kids and my hubby that I want to learn how to skate. I was supposed to buy some skates way back then, but I never got around to it. My husband can skate any kind of way. Lucky him. I ordered some skates that are supposed to get here on Friday evening. I hope all goes well. If anyone is reading this, wish me lu... Thu, 5 Jan 2012 14:24:39 EST Today Today is a new day. That's what I keep telling myself everyday. Today I actually decided to go to the gym at work because regardless of what I've said or written before, I have still been slacking. I know what I need to do, but it's a matter of getting the gumption to do it. Over the weekend, I weighed myself, and those digits were horrendous. They have gone down a couple of pounds since, but that is not the point. I feel disappointed in myself, and I keep wondering how/why I let myself get ... Mon, 5 Dec 2011 13:08:51 EST I HAVE BEEN SLACKING!!! There I said it. I have been slacking. I have been starting stuff and not finishing it. I have been just been half doing everything I have even attempted. It has got to stop. Something has got to change. I have just been going through the motions. I enjoy watching everyone's journey. I rejoice at people's successes, and I feel bad when they aren't so successful. When am I going to get up and do something for myself? When am I going to realize that I am worth it? Don't I deserve to live life h... Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:01:03 EST Slimming Spiders One day I will make it past day one, and I won't be starting over. <BR> <BR> Taken today with my webcam: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Submission for the BL open CC (I think this is the first full body shot I've posted on here.): <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 21 Sep 2011 21:36:11 EST My Doctor Visit On May 25, 2011, I went for blood work and to have a consultation with the ordering doctor. I had gone into my appointment feeling somewhat good about myself, but I left with some pretty low self-esteem. Of course mostly everything is about weight. She looks at my chart and says, "You haven't really lost anything." Well, not in her eyes because I hadn't seen her in a few months. After I completed the Center for Medical Weightloss program, which was pretty unrealistic for me, I began to reg... Sat, 11 Jun 2011 13:03:35 EST Disappointment turned around Today while at work, I made a phone call to handle some business that I thought would only take about 30 minutes. It wound up taking over an hour to handle. I ended up missing my lunchtime aerobics class. I felt so down and disappointed because I was going to have to workout on the elliptical instead. The elliptical has normally been my workout machine of choice; however, since I've gotten back into my aerobics class, I would prefer the class over the elliptical. My husband wanted to go to lu... Thu, 5 May 2011 14:38:22 EST Working Out I have been meaning to say that I had not been going to the main gym on the job since November 2008. They built a small one in the building I work in with 2 ellipticals, 2 treadmills, 2 bikes, and a stand with some hand weights. The room is too small to do anything with the hand weights, so I am not really sure about the purpose of those. <BR> <BR> Before I stopped going to the big gym in Nov 2008, I had been working out diligently. We get 30 minutes 3 days to work out. I was using 2 of t... Mon, 28 Mar 2011 14:28:14 EST This Week This week was my first week of WW for the billionth time. I am praying that it is my last time. I was down 2.6 pounds for the first week. It has been a struggle. I really hate tracking what I eat. I do know that in the past when I have tracked, that is when I have been the most successful. I am glad to be doing the program because it is a lot more realistic, and with the tweaks to the program, it makes you want to make some healthier choices. I haven't tracked my food here on SP for about a... Fri, 4 Mar 2011 09:49:46 EST Why Blog??? This morning I read a blog by member BREWMASTERBILL. It was asking the purpose of blogging. He had valid observations about sometimes when people blog about things and another member doesn't agree with them, they tend to get angry and feel attacked. It does get a little confusing sometimes when people just want someone to agree with them. This is not the place as we should not enable one another to continue bad habits. As a member, when I see a blog and decide to comment on it, I assume th... Thu, 24 Feb 2011 11:28:16 EST Fun workout this morning So, this morning I got up to workout with my Just Dance 2 game on the Wii. I did several dance routines, and that amounted to 27 minutes. Then my husband came in and said, "Ooh, do you want me to join you so I can kick your butt?" Now the last time we did this together, he definitely kicked my butt. It was kind of annoying b/c I had done the routines already, and it was his first time. I was working my butt off, but no matter what, he defeated me. So I thought, "Oh, God, he'll kick my butt ... Sat, 19 Feb 2011 09:56:51 EST My Ramblings My garage is now my home gym. I am so excited. We have a wired shop in our backyard that we were going to convert to a gym. Well, he realized that it could be pretty dangerous if I were going way back there by myself and something happened. We feel like we live in a pretty quiet and safe neighborhood, but you never know what could happen. Anywho...We decided to use our garage. We began the tedious process of moving everything out of the garage corner into the wired shop. It ended up being l... Tue, 15 Feb 2011 09:12:36 EST Just Blogging The other day when I blogged, I thought about it and it may have seemed like my husband is not supportive by reading that. I just wanted to say that he is very much supportive of me. Whatever I do, he will do it with me. If I decide to cut out certain foods, exercise, or whatever, he is right there with me, and will do the same things. He knows I have certain trigger foods, and he hasn't been anything that will tempt me. I thank God that he is supportive of me or it would be very difficult fo... Thu, 13 Jan 2011 09:26:59 EST Starting Over (again) If you choose to read this, it is all over the place. I am just trying to jot down all of my thoughts because I haven't journaled in quite some time, and I want to commit to journaling on a regular basis. <BR> <BR> So, I am starting over again. While it is frustrating, I actually feel kind of good. I can only hope that this feeling lasts. I made the decision to try a weightloss program through my doctor's office. It is very restrictive at first, but then it is supposed to incorporate some r... Mon, 10 Jan 2011 13:08:24 EST I WON So, this week is week 2 of the swimming lessons. Last week, the lessons were Monday through Wednesday. On last Friday I was unable to get in my pool, but on Saturday I was in there for three hours. I was swimming or doing some type of exercise for at least 2 of them. We got in the pool on Sunday evening. I only got to swim a few laps before a big bug stung me and ran us out of the pool. This weeks swimming lessons: Monday we were challenged to swim from the shallow end to the deep end, a... Wed, 28 Jul 2010 10:37:06 EST Swimming Lessons So, my husband and I closed on our house Thursday, July 15th. We got our pool of course. Although we haven't moved in yet, we were over there Friday, Saturday, and Sunday in the pool. The best thing ever happened to me on swimming lessons started. I signed my sister and I up together. We were both kind of nervous about whether or not we would be able to do it. I told her that I prayed about it. We went, and guess what? We were swimming the first day!!!! I was so super excit... Tue, 20 Jul 2010 11:30:56 EST Kinda Excited I went to the doctor on July 1st. My insulin levels were down, but they are still not within the normal range. My doctor was just glad for a decrease. She wants to see me back in 2 months and would like for me to be down by 16 pounds, and that is not unreasonable. I have got to step up my cardio and incorporate some weight training. On Friday, I walked for 50 minutes at the Veranda, and on Saturday I walked for an hour. My body ached so horribly, but I was glad that I did it. I got to ... Tue, 6 Jul 2010 08:49:15 EST Feeling Pretty Good Last night as my husband and I were watching "Losing it With Jillian", I noticed they were doing some of the same exercises I was doing last year when I was working out with my personal trainer. While I am a person who always says, "I hate exercising," I did look forward to exercising at one point. I kind of miss when my fitness level had improved significantly, so I asked my husband, "Are we going to do that?" He told me if I wanted to we definitely could. Since he is paying for a gym mem... Wed, 23 Jun 2010 10:48:12 EST Struggling So, I have definitely been struggling for quite some time. I hadn't logged into SparkPeople for months. A few days ago, I saw a post on my FB page from SparkPeople, and I thought, hmm, I should log on to the site. Then today, I saw one of my friends had posted something on FB thanking SP. Just yesterday I was telling my sister that I would like to do a page where I show weight loss progress, but I couldn't figure out where to do it at. Then finally today after seeing the post, it hit me th... Fri, 11 Jun 2010 12:22:10 EST