CRABBYTHING's SparkPeople Blog CRABBYTHING's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Downsizing my Commitments I have been working for Weight Watchers. I also have a day job and I do respite. This last two weeks I logged 170 hours with the Canadian by Election as well. I'm tired. <BR> <BR> I'm not doing well on Weight Watchers so I quit this last month. I will work for a few more weeks but I am finished. It feels good to know that soon I'll be home with my family on the only day they are all home. It also feels good to know that I won't have the added pressure of feeling like a failure. I'm ... Wed, 27 Nov 2013 07:49:58 EST A new Week It's a new week. A fresh start. A time to prove to myself that I am capable. <BR> <BR> I'm listening to Peter Walsh's Does this clutter make my butt look big. <BR> <BR> I'm taking my son to the kids amusement park today. Should be a fun day of walking around. Wed, 14 Aug 2013 11:45:33 EST Off To Camp My daughter (12) is off to camp for the week. She was excited and nervous. The girl she made plans to sit with ended up sitting with someone else. :( but in the end two boys from her class sat with her. It's going to be a long ride with three to a seat. But she said they weren't squished at all. <BR> <BR> My goals for this week are to stick with my pointsplus target no matter what. To drink more (real, not sparkling) water this week. To exercise daily. <BR> <BR> These are all thin... Mon, 12 Aug 2013 11:43:28 EST So Proud My son and his friend slept in the tent in our back yard last night. At 2 he came back in. I helped him change his clothes (he had wet) and got him some new blankets. He wouldn't let me come out to help him get settled. I'll do it, he says. <BR> <BR> He's becoming so independent in some ways. Sun, 11 Aug 2013 09:43:15 EST huff puff... I sit here every day and wonder what it would be like to be a runner. I sit here and listen to people talk about running and am envious. They make it sound easy. <BR> <BR> I hate that I have gained weight this year. I hate that I can feel the extra 40 lbs when I move. I hate that I let it get this way. <BR> <BR> I hate that despite this dialogue running through my head each and every day, hour, minute I went and bought two cupcakes and lunch today. <BR> <BR> I have a few hours withou... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 15:39:46 EST Successful Weekend I'm not sure if it's that people are starting to see things more clearly. Or that B's pills work enough that people aren't tired out by him. Or that it's old news. <BR> <BR> But there was nothing negative towards me or my kids this weekend. <BR> <BR> My poor kid did have an accident so he couldn't use the pool. His poor little knees have very little skin left on them. He's good now. And he did get to use the pool Sunday. <BR> <BR> My daughter got bit by the bunny and couldn't use th... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 13:45:33 EST Me and B My son and I are hanging out. He's had enough of people and everyone else is playing football/ volleyball. <BR> <BR> I guess it's good for me. I get anxious around all the people but I dont want to be left out. Roll your eyes here! <BR> <BR> Soon everyone will be here for supper. At our camper. 28 people. So far people seem better with our situation. I think it's actually having a diagnosis. It's strange. <BR> <BR> Hubby's cousin has muscular dystrophy. He's so nice. He struggles so mu... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 18:15:01 EST Family Reunion We are going to a family camp with my husbands whole family. Some flew in for this. <BR> <BR> Previous years there is some conversation between my mother in law and some female family talking about how I am a horrible mom. They don't like anything that makes their family inperfect. So the fact that my son is ADHD is a problem. That he is Autistic, big no no. <BR> That my daughter has mental problems as well and is on anti depressants for OCD and Anxiety (they don't know about me being ... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 09:24:21 EST Too Much We went out for supper last night. I barely touched my actual meal but I had quite a bit of nachos and lemonade. I never drink that much at a restaurant. I felt so sick all evening and during the night. I haven't done that in years. I'm usually very good at restaurants. I like leftovers so I make sure I have part/most of my meal saved. <BR> <BR> I let the bunny out this morning since we will be gone most of the day. For such a little thing she is SO loud. I can hear her running aroun... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 08:30:56 EST Tuck in Yesterday I had lunch at wok box. It was good, not healthy but good. I had a stir fry from them for supper I had picked up. It was not good. I ate the shrimp and decided that the noodles weren't worth it. <BR> <BR> Food wise I had a good day. I didn't have any sweets. I didn't eat just because the food was there. I even picked up good food for the week, some greek yogurt and lean turkey (real) for sandwiches for our trip to the zoo. <BR> <BR> My daughter has gotten older. She's gett... Wed, 31 Jul 2013 08:32:44 EST So Early I have to drive two kids to camp this morning. My daughters friend came over so I don't have to take my son. (my daughter can't watch him for very long but her friend is physically able and emotionally able to keep the other two from fighting.) <BR> <BR> I couldn't sleep last night so I got up and did the things that had been bothering me. then I slept well. <BR> <BR> I'm also so close to being done my book that I may just go sit in a cafe and read this morning while I wait for the kids ... Tue, 30 Jul 2013 08:02:37 EST So Sad They found the body of the woman who killed her children. She drowned in the river. At least this part of the nightmare is over and the family can start to grieve in peace. <BR> <BR> I had a great day food wise yesterday. I am down in weight today. I am working on keeping that going. Sun, 28 Jul 2013 14:14:54 EST Card Making I've been creating quite a few cards lately. I'm really enjoying it and it keeps me busy. Today I really had to clean since I've been letting that slide. <BR> <BR> It gets busy driving the kids around, driving the respite kid to work, supervising on the day camp field trips. I am off work for the summer but the days are flying and I barely have any more time than I did when I was working. <BR> <BR> I thought I would focus on exercise and losing this summer but instead I am up another 10 ... Sat, 27 Jul 2013 13:42:51 EST A Quiet Morning I'm having a quiet morning watching tv with my daughter. Drinking coffee and watching the dogs and bunny. <BR> <BR> It's nice having mornings like this. <BR> <BR> Breakfast was yogurt parfait. I need to find out which cereal they use so I can make it myself with less, and cheaper. Lunch is still up in the air and speghetti for supper. <BR> <BR> I'm not sure if I should do a wii fit workout or start trying to become a real runner. If I start trying to run maybe my hubby and I could do... Fri, 26 Jul 2013 11:30:16 EST Nagging Feeling Years ago I had postpartum depression. That was the year Andrea Yates drowned her 5 children in their bathtub. I have never forgotten her. I felt bad for her. I couldn't imagine feeling as bad as she did. She had postpartum psychosis. <BR> <BR> Yesterday morning a mom near here drowned her two children in her bathtub. Her mom was on her way, she wasn't usually left alone. (that's alot like Andrea). She's missing and there is a man hunt. They are looking in areas like they are pos... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 22:57:40 EST Feeling Off Yesterday was wonderful. I made some cards in the morning while B was being tutored. R was with a friend selling lemonade. In the afternoon we went to a friends house so B could go swimming with his friend. <BR> <BR> Then in the evening we went to see Despicable Me 2. It was a wonderful day. <BR> <BR> But for some reason I found myself checking and rechecking to make sure I had the tickets. They were in the pouch of my hoodie. Even 10 seconds after I had checked I panicked because I... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 08:40:37 EST Cute My son is a constant source of entertainment. He is mildly autistic and super charming. He just woke up and I hear him say good morning and he's singing it over and over. Then I realize it's not that he is talking to me, He doesn't even realize I'm awake. He's talking to the bathroom. Wed, 24 Jul 2013 08:18:37 EST Stupid scale I stepped on the scale and the last two mornings my weight has been up. I need to get back down, to where I was. But that's 30 lbs ago. I gained 30 lbs since Christmas. How does that work?!?!!? <BR> <BR> Ugh. <BR> <BR> One day at a time. Tue, 23 Jul 2013 11:16:51 EST Family Dinners Every time we have a family dinner or a big gathering at all, I get a stomach ache. It's like bubbles fill my stomach and it hurts. <BR> <BR> I'm not sure if it's anxiety (even when I don't feel anxious) or if it's something else. But it's all the time. Even in places I'm comfortable. Mon, 22 Jul 2013 23:26:44 EST Weekend Getaway We are back from the beach. The kids are with thier grandparents. I made good choices. I walked at least 10,000 steps. I'm going out for supper. Just me and the hubby! Sun, 21 Jul 2013 17:26:44 EST Improving I have journaled all week. I still have half my ppv. My son and I went to McDonald's yesterday and I sat in the change room of the pool and figured out what I was willing to eat before we left for lunch. And I tracked it on my phone. <BR> <BR> B and I spent the morning swimming and then had lunch. Then we went to dollarama. His favorite place to shop. He bought a butterfly net and cage. It's not easy to catch a butterfly so he was pretty upset after trying. <BR> <BR> I had to go ba... Fri, 19 Jul 2013 12:05:15 EST Has it really been that long.... since I really paid attention and was honest. <BR> <BR> I guess it has been. I've been lying to myself and my support system for so long it seemed like it should have been true. <BR> <BR> I journal what I am willing to admit to and pretend I didn't eat the rest. <BR> <BR> I used to exercise regularly. I don't anymore. It's a struggle. <BR> <BR> The other day I started to track my food honestly. I was 130 points plus values over what I should have eaten. Then I hit the 270's. <em... Thu, 18 Jul 2013 11:03:52 EST Ending on a good note I really lost it this week. Big time. I was over my points by 130 ppv (points plus values). Bad. Really bad. But the last two days I've done well. <BR> <BR> I still have a few ppv left today. And yesterday with my daughters 12th birthday party, I didn't go overboard. I had a few slices of pizza. And some cake. Strangely enough I felt really sick after. All night. Turning around made me feel nasty. I could barely move. <BR> <BR> I woke up and weighed myself 271.5. I'm so embarr... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 23:51:35 EST Wednesday Fun We did errands yesterday. Nothing special just fun though. <BR> <BR> Started out at the dentist, bought some camping gear at Princess Auto. Bought some groceries at Safeway and Costco. Pet supplies for the bunny and dogs (I didn't forget them!) <BR> <BR> And we went to Supper Central which is a place where you assemble meals to make later. I made mexican rice, beans and corn wraps which will be for supper tonight. Tequila lime chicken, yum. And sesame chicken. I love going there. R ... Thu, 11 Jul 2013 08:44:32 EST Almost Perfect I journaled yesterday. I stayed in my Points plus values. I was hungry (mental I'm sure) all evening. I gave in and had a cheese bun with my husband at 10:30. I never eat that late. I was prepared to go to bed and then I didn't. So I will journal that and move on. I made that choice. <BR> <BR> I exercised on the Wii fit for 45 minutes. I was sweating. I did a short run, bike around the town, 10 minutes of hoola hoop, a long run and step workout. I felt good and had fun. I forgot h... Wed, 10 Jul 2013 07:55:08 EST Still Trying So far no good. I gave in and had a cinnamon bun. Not horrible, it was small, not great. I had every intention to exercise but didn't. I kept telling myself later and then ran out of time. <BR> <BR> Another day to work it out again. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 09:31:16 EST Day 3 Day 3 without sweets. I'm finding I really want something. hmmm. <BR> <BR> We went out for supper yesterday. I had ribs. That's never good for a diet but they were good. <BR> <BR> I want to do a yoga booty ballet video today. That's my plan. Mon, 8 Jul 2013 14:24:36 EST Check Back So I journaled yesterday. Everything. I'm over by 7 and that is with popcorn. A non sweet treat, which is good. I've been addicted to sweets, have to have them. <BR> <BR> We watched a movie as a family and then went for a walk - my idea. We walk alot but with the heat it felt like more of a chore last night. Today I want to get on the exercise bike. Start building up the cardio again. <BR> <BR> So journaling again today. Step one. If I do nothing else health wise that will be en... Sun, 7 Jul 2013 11:01:51 EST Fail and try again. I used to be able to do this. Why not now. I don't know. I have so much more at stake. <BR> <BR> I lost 60lbs. I gained some of that back. <BR> <BR> I used to be able to track, stop eating, exercise, move on. Say no. <BR> <BR> Now I make the decision every morning to do the above things and then I blow it. I need to learn to just stay in my calorie range, exercise. Stop making excuses. <BR> <BR> Today. <BR> <BR> breakast = 7ppv <BR> lunch =16ppv <BR> =23 tota... Sat, 6 Jul 2013 14:34:04 EST Air Show Update We had a great time at the air show. I got a bit frustrated by everyone's "who cares when we get there" attitude. I wanted to get there early. Some others didn't. I planned this day, they joined us. <BR> <BR> The restaurant we wanted to go to was closed. Then we went to another one and it was a long wait (we should have waited) and the third had only a few items on their menu and nothing my kids would eat. The fourth was not great food but at least we ate. <BR> <BR> My kids hated ... Thu, 4 Jul 2013 10:50:33 EST Air Show I am going to the air show today. I am very excited. The kids have never been and the Snowbirds are going to be there doing acrobatics. <BR> <BR> I am also determined to journal everything I eat. To DO weight watchers. Not just pretend I do. Wed, 3 Jul 2013 08:37:08 EST I think Someone Missed Me I had a friend check on Molly this weekend. Molly isn't overly cuddly. She came over to Chris and allowed Chris to pet her for a while. When I got home she came right over and bit me. ;( After that she was nicer. <BR> <BR> I stepped on the scale this morning. It's up and up and up. If I don't do something quick I'll be right back where I started. <BR> <BR> I used to think I was doing Weight Watchers. I didn't track, I knew so much though that should count. It was like I was tryi... Tue, 2 Jul 2013 08:07:28 EST Camping Went boating yesterday. Campfire. S'mores. Life is good. Sun, 30 Jun 2013 10:07:29 EST Some days I give in Last night the scale wasn't as nice at Weight Watchers as it was at home. 10lbs different. I was so excited to be down. But I wasn't. <BR> <BR> When I left there I had to wait 2.5 hours for the kid I drive home. And I had the munchies. Ugh. I knew I wasn't hungry. I knew I didn't need anything. But then I ended up with some chips anyway. <BR> <BR> But it's all logged and tracked. I will admit it and move on. And when my family is camping I know I have already had enough chips f... Wed, 26 Jun 2013 08:14:17 EST Regain, Relose A few weeks ago I was going up and up and up in weight. I have lost 60lbs at one time. When I went on meds I started to gain. Over Christmas I gained almost 20lbs in 2 weeks. Nothing came off. <BR> <BR> My Weight Watchers leader told me to stop looking at my weight, stop weighing in at home. Just to do what I am supposed to do. <BR> <BR> Well I did the first part, failed a bit at the second part of her advice. I'm trying but I'm giving in WAY too much. <BR> <BR> Stepped on the sca... Tue, 25 Jun 2013 08:12:19 EST 4 days In 4 days I am done work for the school year. In 4 days I lose my paycheck and I am no longer sure where I am going to work next year (If you are the praying sort, please pray that I get my school back). <BR> <BR> I plan on starting to exercise and get it to be habit. I plan on getting my house clean and throwing out things we no longer need. Downsize if you will. <BR> <BR> I plan on really focusing on the healthy things and getting them to be habits. <BR> <BR> ....... <BR> <BR> It ra... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 08:13:57 EST Yuck I rarely overeat anymore. It's so uncomfortable. <BR> <BR> Last night I had a good supper, bbq chicken, some potatoes and salad with garlic bread. Yum. Then cake. I ate 1/2 my piece. I should have stopped there. But I layed down to watch the Walking Dead and finished it. <BR> <BR> During the night I woke up with some extreme "heartburn". I really don't know what it was. The taste was worse than gross. It didn't hurt it was just really brutal. Luckily it went away. I was pret... Sun, 23 Jun 2013 10:45:18 EST Food Obsessions Despite all the problems of this last month I haven't been feeling as bad food wise as I was. I was very, (did I mention VERY) obsessed by sweets. I had to have them. I thought about them. I planned my next one. I thought of how to get more, how to fit in all my favorites. I would eat them even if I didn't like it. <BR> <BR> Lately, I'm not thinking of that. I made a cake the other day and haven't had any since the day I made it. I have something if we go out but I don't need to. I'... Fri, 21 Jun 2013 08:04:59 EST Molly Just to keep anyone entertained who is reading this blog I thought I would tell you that we bought a new (read that THIRD this month) bunny. <BR> <BR> My husband decided it would be cruel to R with all her problems to get a new bunny. I have the same problems as R (I'll tell you about my breakdown later, I promise). I need the bunny. There is something about it, despite having two dogs, that fills me up. I also need the bunny to replace the image of Mulligan floating. <BR> <BR> He says... Wed, 19 Jun 2013 08:20:03 EST Unlucky We came home from a family dinner last night and our bunny was out of his cage. He had jumped into the dogs water container and drowned. <BR> <BR> This was our second bunny, the first one got sick. the first one lasted 3 weeks 6 days. The second lived in our house for 3 days. <BR> <BR> :( Mon, 17 Jun 2013 07:51:35 EST Shopping I had to be in the city today for many hours due to a driving job. R came with me and we went shopping. It was fun, much money was spent. <BR> We started out at Chatters looking for hair stuff for her and ended up getting her a haircut. I also got my eyebrows waxed - I am no longer a cavewoman!!!!! <BR> <BR> We walked around Chapters looking at books and gifts. (if you are not Canadian it's like Barnes and Noble I believe) <BR> <BR> Then we walked around the mall, Costco and Walmart. W... Sat, 15 Jun 2013 22:10:38 EST Assessments Turns out my 11 year old daughter is very much like me. I knew this to some extent. We have the same personality, we both like things in certain orders, just different from each other. <BR> <BR> Today at the psychiatrist office I talked to the Doctor for about 2 hours, a little about my son and mostly about R. B, my son has everything in place now. We can move on to doing what needs to be done and just living. <BR> <BR> She figures that R has attention problems similar to mine. That i... Fri, 14 Jun 2013 23:16:25 EST Improvement We made some huge improvements to my daughters room last night. We even rearranged her furniture. A new start. <BR> She had a friend over, which was nice to see her connect with someone. I encouraged that even though there is a huge amount of cleaning to do. So she played and I cleaned. Then the three of us went through all of R's clothes. The throw out pile is massive! <BR> There was so much clothing, OMG! <BR> This should help her. <BR> <BR> She has these two (newer) friends. One ... Thu, 13 Jun 2013 08:17:23 EST Issues Galore My son has a Global Developmental Delay, he is Autistic and ADHD. We've been working on getting a diagnosis and funding in place for him for about two years. Well it's all in place, he's funded through the provincial government, federal government and at school. Technically we are at the stop fighting and start doing what needs to be done stage. A relief. <BR> I really do spend a lot of time with my daughter. She thinks that my son's problem hangs on her and makes her a victim. At home... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 08:17:26 EST Hoarding I don't get it. I was getting ready for this morning and looked in my daughters bag. It was full of lunch containers. Completely rotten food inside. When I got her up and asked about them she tried to hide them. <BR> We knew about this to some extent so had made it part of her chores to show me her lunch containers. She did after school, but neglected to mention that there were 5 others rotting in her bag from at least several weeks ago (judging from the state of them). <BR> So I went to ... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 08:31:23 EST Swings I sat on the swings today. I don't like the feeling. It feels like the world is moving too fast and I'm standing still. It makes me nauseous. I feel out of control. All the things I feel when I have an anxiety attack. I figured out a little something about why I no longer like rides of any sort in the last few years. Mon, 10 Jun 2013 17:01:28 EST Birthday Party Today was my son's birthday party. He turned 8 in April. Yep I know it's June. I get very stressed about parties so they take awhile. I wanted to have his at the house once the snow melted. Today was perfect. I got my house cleaned. 5 of his friends came. We had invited 10, only 2 RSVP'd. I'm glad the whole event is over. The kids, considering all of them have very large issues, did very well. It rained with about 40 minutes left to go so they came in for cake and play time. Now... Sun, 9 Jun 2013 18:19:40 EST Today Well I guess I could get started today. I think about this every day, have for years. But my weight is creeping back up to where I used to be. I lost 60 lbs a few years back but now... :( . I have done this in the past, I can do this again. Today, I need to start today, not tomorrow, not tuesday. Today. Which means I eat for health, not the fattening foods that are everywhere. It means I don't give in. I don't look for junk food. I just do what I need to do. I refocus on who I u... Sat, 8 Jun 2013 12:03:32 EST