CONNSMOM's SparkPeople Blog CONNSMOM's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Common Sense Quotes I have a LOT to say and no time to say it in right now but I saw a few quotes that I had to put down - it's amazing to me how we are (and I am at the front of the line, believe me) our own worse enemies when it comes to losing weight and getting healthy. <BR> <BR> The first was from a blog by BOBCATGIRL76 - if you haven't read her SparkPage or any of her blogs, I highly recommend you do so. This young woman inspired me to start again and to forgive myself for not being perfect. What she said... Fri, 13 Sep 2013 14:03:02 EST A Fresh Start I've been MIA since my last entry. I could feel myself spiralling down into depression and anxiety and try as I might, I couldn't break free. I am so close to giving up again. For the umpteenth time. <BR> <BR> So I've decided to join the Spark Coach program. Lord knows I've spent a LOT of money over the years on different diets, supplements, yada, yada, yada. So for less than one dollar a week, I'm going to try Sparking with professional help. If I don't do something to keep myself accountab... Fri, 6 Sep 2013 01:13:37 EST Not Good News Yesterday I got a letter I was dreading. It was from the Dept. of Labor regarding my Workman's Comp claim. They say that there is not enough sufficient evidence to prove that I cannot work, despite my doctor's claim of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, anxiety disorder and depression. <BR> <BR> So now we start all over again with the medical reports, etc. In the meantime, I have not been paid since April 1st. No anxiety here. <BR> <BR> So I ate to comfort myself. It's what I always do. This ... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 07:48:32 EST Quickie Post I'm headed out of town for the weekend so will probably not be on SP until late Sunday night. Wishing everyone success - why is it that Friday through Sunday are so darn hard to stick to the program? <BR> <BR> See you soon! Fri, 23 Aug 2013 14:09:32 EST A Better Day I'm so glad that I posted a blog last night. The supportive, caring community of friends here picked me right back up. One of them (before she read my blog) posted one of her own that felt tailor made for me today. <BR> <BR> I am not going to let numbers on a piece of plastic derail all my hard work and the healthy habits that I am building. This site has been a true "God Breeze" as Fly Lady would put it. Knowing that there are people out there who don't even know me in person but who care,... Tue, 20 Aug 2013 22:48:16 EST Fighting the Good Fight... So I am about a month into when I really began Sparking seriously. Maybe five weeks. And I can feel that ol' devil impatience creeping up on me. I want results, dammit! <BR> <BR> This scares me because in the past, this is where I've thrown in the towel and given up. I don't want to do that. I need to get my weight down to a healthy range for my height - right now I am in the obese category. <BR> <BR> For two weekends in a row, I've had some food issues. On the positive side, I've worked o... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 23:01:25 EST One Seventies!!! Well, I was thrilled to step on the scale today and see that I managed to lose another .4 lb. I was hoping to maintain so that was even better. I'm now out of the 180's and headed down the 170's. <BR> <BR> In the past, I would have beaten myself up and said, think about how much weight you might have lost if you hadn't screwed up over the weekend! But no more. If I can find kindness and compassion for other people, I'm going to start applying the same principles to myself. I made a mistake,... Wed, 14 Aug 2013 14:33:43 EST Thank You I wanted to thank everyone who reads and comments on my blog. I'm not sure if you know how helpful that is to me. <BR> <BR> Because of things that have happened to me in the past, I have a hard time trusting other people. I've always been intensely private and a control freak/perfectionist. In many ways, my own worst enemy. As I said in my previous blog, it's very difficult for me to admit failure of any type. When it happens, I just slink away and disappear. <BR> <BR> When I logged in tod... Mon, 12 Aug 2013 23:08:21 EST My First Bump... So after a month, it happened. My first bump in the road. I pretty much crashed and burned Friday and Saturday. Ice cream. Pizza. Fried food. Soda. Dessert. <BR> <BR> Here's the difference. I know that I didn't eat enough to put back on the five pounds I lost. I'm human. I made a mistake. A couple of them. But I'm not beating myself up and giving up. <BR> <BR> Before Sparking, I would have never posted about my failures. I would have just disappeared quietly. But I am putting myself out h... Sun, 11 Aug 2013 13:05:29 EST Some Thoughts... So I've lost five pounds. In the past, I would have sneezed at this. I could starve myself and lose five pounds in a day. What's the big deal? <BR> <BR> Well, it's this. In the past month, I realised that I have been doing my body a terrible disservice. Basically, what I would do is starve all day and then eat dinner and of course it was a lot because by then, I was out of control hungry. A long time ago, I read something that said your body is like a car. It needs petrol (or gasoline) at re... Thu, 8 Aug 2013 20:15:07 EST Weigh-in Wednesday I got on the scale this morning and I was down another two pounds, which makes my weight loss five pounds in four weeks. Entirely respectable to me. As I said, I've had a couple of really stressful and upsetting days but I didn't eat my emotions and I kept exercising. Both really, really big breakthroughs for me. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I had a new A/C unit put in and so I couldn't use my treadmill until evening, and I struggled with giving myself the night off. Then I thought about getting on ... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 20:04:06 EST A Month In... I realize that I have been Sparking for a month now. For me, that's an incredible achievement. I've always looked for the quick fix, immediate results. So far I have lost three pounds, with a weigh-in on Wednesday. At another time, I would have been upset not to lose three pounds in a week, never mind a month. <BR> <BR> But I'm really focusing on the big picture this time. If I lose a pound a week, in a year? Fifty two pounds gone. I need to ignore the instant gratification side of me that ... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 10:26:25 EST Weigh-In Wednesday Ack! I'm so irritated! I wrote a blog last night, forgot to save it and SP ate it! Note to self: do NOT forget to copy before hitting send, especially between 2 and 2:30 in the morning. I'll try to recap later. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I weigh-in on Wednesdays because I read a blog by someone who motivated me and he started trying to lose weight on Wednesday, so that's when he got on the scale. I like it because it breaks up that Monday mentality of starting fresh (which never worked for me before)... Wed, 31 Jul 2013 09:06:24 EST Grrrr..... So yesterday whilst I was walking on my treadmill, I noticed a pain in my right leg. It was high up on my inner thigh and the more I walked, the more I twinged. I did thirty minutes and then stopped, afraid that I might aggravate it if I kept going. <BR> <BR> Still twinging today so I'm resting it and not happy about it. I think perhaps I was going too fast. I have short little legs and was trying to get up to 3.0 mph but then my left ankle would start to burn so I was trying to work my way ... Mon, 29 Jul 2013 21:39:54 EST Stinkin' Thinkin' I'm doing a lot of reading here on SP, still trying to find what works for me, being inspired by many people who have litereally lost a full size man by diet and exercise. One of these is a person named INDYGIRL. Read her Spark Page for some major inspiration. She mentioned that she went to check out weight loss surgery but decided against it because it wasn't going to change the way her brain thought about food. <BR> <BR> That's really important. Before, when I wanted to lose weight, it wa... Sun, 28 Jul 2013 14:50:55 EST The Numbers Game I was thinking about how it took me until I was almost fifty two to really understand that I need support and motivation from people who get it. Who know that losing weight is not easy. I like to eat. I like the way food tastes. I like to try different things. Every extra pound on me is there by choice. Hard to admit but true. I ate my way to 185 pounds. I'm not very tall so I probably look even heavier. <BR> <BR> SparkPeople is a very diverse site. There are a lot of people who are much hea... Sun, 28 Jul 2013 02:41:20 EST Finally!!!!! So even though I know I should only weigh in once a week, after Wednesday and seeing a .6 lb gain, I weighed myself on Friday. And I had dropped two pounds. Woo hoo! Even though SP only credits me for one (when I joined I was 185 and they don't consider the possibility that people might go up, not down), I really lost two. I officially came back and started setting goals for myself on July 12th, so it's been two weeks. I think I had started logging in to SP a week before that and then started... Sat, 27 Jul 2013 00:54:02 EST It's The Little Things I get overwhelmed easily. So I'm being careful not to go all out here and crash and burn. For example: I have started walking on the treadmill. Right now I am watching an episode of Doctor Who on my kindle to reward (okay, okay, bribe) myself for doing this. I can't watch this show at any other time - my clever rule - and I'm a total Whovian, so it's big motivation for me. <BR> <BR> Eventually however, I'd like to move up to walking more quickly and dare I say it? Yes, perhaps even jogging.... Tue, 23 Jul 2013 18:22:59 EST Doing it again... I spend more time making excuses not to exercise than it would take to actually do it. Sad but true. I read a blog the other day that said you have to be ready to do the work to succeed and not just want to be thin. Is that me? <BR> <BR> I got on the scale this morning and it read 185. 1-8-5. On a five foot one inch frame. I have never weighed this much, not even when I was pregnant. And the sad thing is that every pound was put on with a fork. I have no health issues that I can blame. Well... Mon, 22 Jul 2013 13:23:56 EST Here I go again.... but hopefully NOT on my own, unlike the Whitesnake song. Yes, I'm a girl of the '80s and always will be. Hair bands and Heart, that's me. I've been trying to lose weight most of my adult life. At this point though, I'm heavier than I have ever been and I just can't live like this. <BR> <BR> I registered for SP six or seven years ago and promptly disappeared. This time I'm back and I intend to stay back. I cannot do this on my own. I just can't. I need the support and encouragement of other p... Fri, 12 Jul 2013 17:14:31 EST