CONFUSEDBIRD's SparkPeople Blog CONFUSEDBIRD's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Doing good finally The fb group has really been helping me stay on track. We photograph all of our food for the day. So that makes a big difference. I don't really wanna photograph a blizzard so I think twice about going and getting one. Also we post our weight and measurements and that helps a lot too for being good. The women on the group range from 135 to 226 so it's a wide range. It's kind of a nice reminder that no matter what size a woman is it doesn't mean she's eating well or feeling healthy. I feel li... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 23:15:59 EST Ready set go Well the last week has been kind of a worldwind. I had my shortest job possible at the gym daycare. Way too much stress, not worth it at the moment. Rather focus on the gym being the gym and not a negative space. I have been back 3 times since so it's resolved and positive again. I need to work on finding a good schedule for my day. It will be easier when it's not 15 degrees out. <BR> <BR> I think I ruined myself for the treadmill for awhile. I can't seem to get myself on it at the moment.... Tue, 17 Feb 2015 13:56:38 EST Treadmill-less week Something in me just could not get on the treadmill this week. Maybe because I planned it out too much in my head. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Friday I got on it but then the plumbers called and that was that. We had roots in our sewer line. I did make it to two 5 am dance classes and 2 hour dance event on Saturday. My energy is still not what it once was from before getting pregnant. Which is really frustrating. During the two hour class I could feel my energy just plummeting. <BR> <BR> Yes... Sun, 8 Feb 2015 12:03:12 EST Finding rails I would say the most positive thing that happened this week was sleep. Max slept two night for 9 hours and then the other nights were 7.5-8 hrs. Been blessed with a good sleeper which means mom and and dad get sleep too. My trick for getting this has been not letting him sleep anywhere too comfy in the day. He has a little bounce chair he sleeps in but he only cat naps in it throughout the day. Then once he hits his crib he is knocked out for the night. His parlor trick of the week is his con... Sat, 31 Jan 2015 09:41:53 EST Being happy at 200 lbs I can't say that I am doing everything possible to not weight 200 lbs. But I am exercising and logging food and I am still 200 lbs. I am not gonna stop nursing to make the extra hunger go away. I can still do whatever the hell I want at 200 lbs. I am still running, dancing and water aerobics-ing. So whatever not gonna beat myself up about it. Husband still loves me to death and very much not turned off by my extra weight. Whatever it is what it is right now. <BR> <BR> I got my new fitbit to... Fri, 16 Jan 2015 23:29:05 EST Holy Soreness Batman! Ok my running soreness did not hit til last night. This morning it was bad but not terrible. I am too stubborn to take medicine. What did I do this morning? I got back on the treadmill and ran again, better to warm up the muscles. I didn't kick my ass as hard as Wednesday. Starting to embrace that treadmill. We might turn into buddies yet! I made it to the mall 1 days this week, yesterday. Got up to a heatwave of 15 degrees. Taking him out in the cold is quite a task. Today I am going to my... Fri, 9 Jan 2015 12:58:37 EST I got on the treadmill and ran! Yesterday I was going a tad bit crazy stuck inside. So I put Max in his little chair and put it infront of the treadmill and had intent to walk. But then I challenged myself to run and I ran more and more. I got 2.25 miles done in 30 minutes! My legs started feeling really heavy and painful toward the end. I haven't run in almost a yr since getting pregnant. Thank goodness I still have a base for it. I didn't really have any intent to run for awhile. I kept telling myself that I was too heav... Thu, 8 Jan 2015 11:25:35 EST 2015 I wrote a whole blog 2 days ago and somehow got busy as usual and didn't finish. Oh well it wasn't a very positive one. <BR> <BR> I keep thinking of my new years resolutions of the past. 2007 was my best one, that one jump started me to lose 130lbs. This yr of course I wanna lose the weight I put on with the munchkin. But really I wanna focus on the small things. Like actually measuring out what 2 tbsp on peanut looks like. Same for cream cheese. Those are both so easy to fib on. Figuring... Wed, 7 Jan 2015 13:22:31 EST Times up! Ok I had my 6 weeks of no exercise and semi food logging. Times up, now we are down to business! I weighed this morning and I was at 199.8. Hanging out under 200 lbs by the skin of my teeth. My highest pregnancy weight was 220. Yesterday I really wanted a new fitness hoodie to motivate me to feel pretty. I tried on all these hoodies and instead of feeling pretty I felt horrible about myself. Walked away with nothing but a negative self image. <BR> <BR> This was fall of last yr <BR> <img ... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 16:36:14 EST I'm Back! To my healthier self anyway. This week marks my fifth week PP so I am ready to get my butt back in gear. It's been a rough recovery. I take two steps forward in healing and then 3 steps back, 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. I am so ready to feel as good psychically as my mind feels to get exercising. I so miss it. I turned my gympact back on this week and it's been haunting me. I have it set to walk 3 days 10k steps...has not happened yet. Log 4 days of food, I am on that! Take 4 days of fru... Thu, 11 Dec 2014 10:12:25 EST Max Emery is here! I finished working on Halloween and went into labor on the following Tuesday at 2:20 pm. We ended up at Labor and Delivery at 6:30 pm. I was 3 cm dilated when I was admitted. We walked laps and got in the birthing tub and got to 6 cm. The pain got to be too much at 1 am and I finally gave into the epidural after 10 hrs of pushing it off. Poor Scott I think watching was hard for him at some points. I had to make him sit down and ask a nurse for orange juice and cookies cuz he was not looking g... Mon, 10 Nov 2014 18:06:18 EST On Maternity Mode Yesterday was my last day working!!! We made arrangements for it to be my last day back in September. Then last week my boss found out my delivery day was 1 week later than she thought. So she just assumed I wanted to stay til I gave birth there. No thank you! I have seen studies in other countries that say woman who take time off to rest before giving birth actually have much easier labors. I was crampy all day yesterday and ended up taking my lunch 2 hours late. So when I was done at 3 pm, ... Sat, 1 Nov 2014 10:16:04 EST Fat girl melt down I feel like so many old negative wounds have been stirred up thru this pregnancy. I wrote in my last blog about the manager saying to the customer that I had gained weight everywhere instead of just growing a belly. Friday she walked by and said "Hi fatty, how you doing?" I didn't look at her, I looked at my coworker who I have brought up this woman's comments with. She noticed I looked at the coworker and said "your gonna be a great mama". I know her and the other ppl in her department poke... Sat, 25 Oct 2014 22:27:37 EST Coming to an end My due date is a little over 3 weeks away. He's been growing in leaps and bounds lately. I have an appointment this morning, from here on out I see my OB every week. I'm still kinda worried about what position he's in. They can turn up until 36 weeks so I am not sure if he's locked and loaded in the wrong position right now. This will be the appointment that I probably find out. I am scared cuz I can't seem to locate where his hiccups are coming from lately. They still seem high to me. My da... Tue, 21 Oct 2014 09:00:25 EST Progress on the frusteration The gym called me back and they talked to him. He mentioned ppl not showering could give him Ebola in the hot tub.... really? Amazing how news can evoke such fear in ppl that they can get hostile in public places. Maybe he should stay home instead of living at the gym. You can catch a lot more at the gym other than Ebola. I wont be going back to water aerobics til next week. They told me that if he talks to me again to report it again. I don't think he could tell I was pregnant. Even at 8 mon... Fri, 10 Oct 2014 08:47:13 EST Frustrating week My big issue this week has to do with the gym. I have been going to a big gym for 6-7 years and never had an issue with anyone. So this really caught me off guard. Especially since it happened in the pool, which seems like it would be the most calm area. I usually shower at home and wear my swim suit to the gym so that when I get there I can just take off my top layer and go to the pool. Well there are signs posted for ppl who workout and then get in to the pool in disgusting sweaty clothes.... Thu, 9 Oct 2014 16:24:27 EST 33 weeks pregnant and not giving up my dancing! My feet are starting to swell and make it hard to fit into my vibrams. I went to my dance class this morning and wanted to be barefoot the whole time. I asked the teacher about it after and she said I could. I just donno if I could slide. I might try some yoga socks even though socks lately have been sucky for me. I asked my other friend about ballet flats but I guess those are known for running really small. 7 more weeks, I am not giving up my dancing! Get with it feet, you are not giving up... Thu, 25 Sep 2014 10:23:11 EST 30 weeks <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Finally rounding out a bit. My big issue of the week has been my brain dissolving. I have forgot to put my fitbit on twice this week. Once for 5 am WerQ on Thursday and then again this morning I did it again, left it attached to my pajamas. Did I remember to snag it when I came home from lunch? Nope. I also dishwashed ballpoint pens, left the toaster oven on all night and wore a dress inside out to grocery shop. I... Sun, 7 Sep 2014 17:57:05 EST I'll go tomorrow! Ever find yourself saying that? Oh I didn't exercise today, I will go tomorrow! I felt like I did that all last week. Or finding yourself depending on workout buddies and they fall thru so you stay home as well. Yesterday I got off work from a short day and I had a lot of energy. Went home (hot as hell here right now) and got my swim suit on and headed straight to the pool. I haven't swam swam in probably 10 months. But I had an urge. So I rotated lap swimming/deep water aerobics/treading wa... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 12:05:58 EST 28 weeks <img src=""> <BR> Out take of the first picture, Joel has to always make an appearance <BR> <img src=""> <BR> 28 weeks and 202 lbs after a dance class. Didn't make it to my dance class as much as I wanted this week. Only 2 times and water aerobics 1 time. Eating was not the worst tho. We had ultrasounds this week too to check his face for deformities and check out all his heart chambe... Sun, 24 Aug 2014 17:55:03 EST Back peddleing I talked to a spark buddy last night about back peddling in the weight loss realm. She is gaining her weight back and hitting all the same numbers I hit. All the realization numbers that just leave you feeling utterly lost. Why is it some of us struggle with our weight our whole life and need to fight to stay away from 250 land. Then we have coworkers that have never weighed over 140. Is it because everyone is fighting some battle and maybe 140 land isn't theirs? Maybe their battle isn't visi... Tue, 19 Aug 2014 09:03:59 EST Crapola Week I had my pregnancy glucose test on tuesday which I was dreading but also we had an ultrasound so I was kind of excited about the appointment as well. They called me at 5 pm the night before and to say the tech was sick, so no ultrasound. I kept reading on babycenter that most labs do a 1 hr test and then if u fail they do a 3 hr. Well my lab skipped straight to the 3 hr. At least I know I don't have to do the 3 hr if I failed this one. Ultrasound is next week. I brought up the water birth at ... Thu, 14 Aug 2014 11:06:32 EST Keeping busy I ate almost that whole watermelon by myself. I love this time of year so much good fruit in season. The white nectarines are soooo good and so cheap right now YUM! I broke 200 on the home scale this morning which is not terrible considering I broke it on the doctor scale almost 4 weeks ago and little dude is 2 lbs or close to it this week. Been staying away from meat which seems to be helping. When I start eating it, I feel like an avalanche of fatty food starts becoming my craving. Funny my... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 09:26:35 EST Out of comfort zone I got a lot done this morning. I stepped out of my comfort zone and went to a dance class with a teacher I didn't care for. 9 am dance class left me the youngest person in class by 30 yrs besides the teacher. I am happy I went, needed the exercise and it was a good workout. <BR> <BR> Then I came home and walked the dogs before the temps broke 80. Called my mom and amazingly she did not mention baby names. I was ready and willing to tell her that I love her but what I name my baby is none o... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 14:44:49 EST Seeing the positives I am really starting to feel my energy dwindle as time goes on. Doing songs in my dance class and barely being able to enjoy them. It will all return and energy will be mine again, I just didn't think my ass would handed to me so early. It's a better week of not eating out as much and exercising more consistently. This morning I didn't wake up for my dance class, but I am doing water aerobics instead tonight. I did go yesterday morning. Did I mention I have been having dreams about running? ... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 10:33:03 EST Awwwwesome I have been so frustrating with my stomach shape since I got pregnant. Jealous of nice round bellies. Everyone is like "oooh no it will round out! You will pop". uhhhh sure. When I was big before, I had skin on the top of my belly and then a pooch under. Lost 130 lbs, they both got smaller. Small enough that I wore sport bikini's to water aerobics and felt like "hell ya, I don't care". As I get bigger with this pregnancy both top and bottom section get bigger as well and I keep this awful wa... Sat, 26 Jul 2014 09:08:48 EST What a week Last Friday we dealt with my dad being gone 1 year. Somehow I think 4th of July was harder, since it was our holiday together. Monday night my 2nd cousin Gabby messaged and me told me her Grampa died (my uncle, died 1 yr and 2 days after my dad). Been kinda stressed over that, I am in no shape to head to Chicago right now. Jews usually bury super fast, 2 days. Then they sit shivah for 7 days. So you have PLENTY of time to get to Chicago.....yay...... I had not seen my uncle in 7-8 yrs. Him a... Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:54:39 EST You know what to do So I have been back on the straight for 3 days now. I did not wake up for any dance classes this week. I have been eating much better tho. I have not eaten anything out since Sunday night. I donno what my weight would have been at home as opposed to the doctor. But I am weighing in at 194.6 right now. Not 201 like the nurse told me, thank god. Yesterday I went to a dance class after work which was not a great idea. But you know I had to try. My ankles get really aggrivated after standing on t... Thu, 17 Jul 2014 10:02:29 EST Please don't tell me my weight Yes maybe I have been in denial this pregnancy over my weight. I can still do all my jumps in WERQ and I can still stand for an 8 hr day at work just fine. I don't feel like I look heavier in the mirror. Well Maybe I do, maybe just not in the face... yet. Anyway when I got to my OB I ask the nurse not to tell me my weight, I don't wanna focus on the number. I wanna focus on being healthy. Well yesterday she blurted it out before I could say "Please don't....". Ugh it was 201, holy crap! This ... Tue, 15 Jul 2014 08:39:09 EST Kicking around a name I have been wanting to name a baby boy after my grampa for a few years now. When he came thru ellis island from Transylvania his name was Enrich Jack. They told him to go by Jack, so he did. But I really like the name Enrich. My issue with it is that it is kind of weird and it doesn't look like it sounds. So we have been looking at alernative closely related names. I am just frustrated, none of them sound or feel right. I really don't wanna be one of these difficult ppl who give their kid a ... Sat, 12 Jul 2014 09:55:19 EST Tired so tired This was one of those weeks where I could take 3 naps a day if you let me. Thank goodness my work schedule is getting cut down by 1 hour. So I am off at 4 pm starting tomorrow. That will make a big difference. 8-5 on my feet is rather rough at this point already. I keep thinking I look more pregnant and then I look in the mirror and I don't. Kinda frustrating to feel pregnant and not look pregnant at 21 weeks. I had a friend who was like 8-9 months pregnant and she still didn't look pregnant ... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 09:05:32 EST Happy July! The past week has not been the most amazing for calories or exercise or sugar for that matter. I have been getting this nasty habit of getting a different box of ice cream bars when I go to the grocery store. Of course there are like 20 servings in each box. Must stop that habit, the sugar just makes you want more sugar. The humidity the last few days is so nasty. Which makes it hard to walk. I went for a walk with a friend and the dogs last night. At 6 pm and you just come home drenched lik... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 08:45:49 EST Gender guessing is over! <img src=""> <BR> My mom can't fight me on what sex the baby will be. We are having a little boy, penis and testicles were present this morning! So happy to finally know, this has been the longest week ever, waiting to find out. <BR> <BR> Fri, 27 Jun 2014 10:39:23 EST Hello Summer! Or it will be here any day now and the temps are sure showing it. They finally turned the AC on at my job which is nice, I was kinda dreading going and it being off. Our work cat G is knows where to be when it reaches 90 outside in a 1200 dollar chair of course. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have a whole new pet peeve, somehow recently I keep acquiring diabetic friends. Neither of which really care to control with eating well, health and... Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:02:18 EST Pool is back lifting is back! I am back to the gym! Last week I just felt drained all stinking week. When I take dance classes I can feel somewhere around 2/3rd of the class through my energy just starts to deplete like a plane slowly falling out of the sky. I take that as a cue to slow it down, well just slow it down. I hit a class this morning at 5 am. Then at 6 am I crawled back in bed and went back to sleep til 7 lol <BR> <BR> I am so happy the pool is finally back, after a long day at work, getting in the pool and... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 08:37:11 EST Growth Spurt It's been a long tiring week. I guess the baby was going through a lot of growing this week cuz I feel like I have no energy in me at all and my stomach is getting a little bigger each morning. I made it to the gym on Tuesday morning and then I was absolutely wrecked for the rest of the day. Been concentrating more on my steps and trying to get at least 12000 if I can't get to the gym. The pool at the gym has been down for almost 2 weeks so that doesn't help matters. Which means my friend tha... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 08:56:21 EST Working with what I got Has not been a good week, has not been a bad week. I went to see my mom for my dad's birthday. We ate at his favorite Chinese restraunt, ordered his favorite stuff. Then we hit up garden shops. As nuts as my mom can make me sometimes I am happy I went. I feel like it made her day easier. She bought me a peonie which led to me buying another one. They are going nuts all over town right now. I learned that the reason peonies have ants on them is that the ants help with this sticky residue to g... Wed, 28 May 2014 13:52:52 EST On the mend Ralph is doing much better. Later that day after I wrote, he got nuts and was dieing for a walk. It's like he suddenly had all this built up energy to drive me nuts with worry. Finally at 8 pm I gave in and walked him and finally settled down. Patsy went in for her teeth cleaning yesterday. So now everyone is taken care of for awhile. <BR> <BR> I had a doppler appointment Monday. My doctor intially couldn't find a heartbeat. Then she said kept finding it and then losing it. I must have looke... Wed, 21 May 2014 08:27:35 EST Weekend at last Ralph went in for a procedure yesterday, he had 2 tumors removed. Poor guy is still feeling pretty miserable today. Hopefully as the day goes on he will get back to being himself again. He put himself to bed last night at 7 pm in our bed. Poor baby man, I hate seeing my dogs get older. Scott and I got Ralph just a few days after we got our first apartment together back in 2005. He just turned 9. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I finally go... Sat, 17 May 2014 09:46:14 EST Goodbye 1st trimester I am officially 14 weeks today, out of the risky risky period! I finally posted on fb about the pregnancy with this photo my friend took for me. Check out my Heidi Klum maternity skinny jeans I found at goodwill Friday, score! The high school girls at my job asked where I got them <em>20</em> They think I am around 22, which seems old to them, I am cool with that. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Still logging my calories every day and sitting ... Thu, 15 May 2014 08:11:16 EST Still at it Eating has gotten better, avoiding junk more and going for whats in the house. Calories have been higher still. I really can't imagine staying at 2000 right now. My issue is that I need to eat every few hours or I feel sick. So by dinner time I am usually sitting at around 1400 calories. My ending total is 2200-2400. I am super active at work. Last week I got 15k steps just during my shift. I had this horrible dream last night that I was eating endless garbage and I looked in the mirror and I... Wed, 7 May 2014 08:02:40 EST Feeling like an addict Being pregnant is really no excuse. This week has been BAD. I got a bag of Easter jelly beans and I have been measuring them out with a 1/4th cup. A rather full 1/4th cup. Then I got supplies to make chocolate chip milkshakes. That is a big no no for me to bring chocolate chips into the house. My rule of thumb is buy what I need for a recipe and then they are POOF. Then lets add that I have been avoiding the scale. This morning I bit the bullet and got on the evil scale. Ugh the number was B... Thu, 1 May 2014 08:38:38 EST Rainy dreary day Saturday we bit the bullet and told Scott's dad about the pg. He was excited I knew he would be. I just didn't wanna tell family early incase anything went wrong then they told the rest of the family and then we had to untell everyone. We are meeting Scott's mom tonight to talk to her. I am sure she is suspected something, meeting us on a Monday night is not really something we do unless it's a birthday. She is the one we are dreading the most. I am sure she will be happy. Scott is just gener... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 09:04:09 EST Hormones take over Last night before bed I was dumb and poured broth on the ground in the dogs yard. Which led to Ralph wanting to lick the grass and me stepping on a rock to get him inside. Well actually no, Scott yelled once after I stepped on the rock and he came. 12:50 am he had to go to the bathroom so he led Scott out and yet again licked grass and didn't pee. 1:10 pm he got me outside with him and I made him pee. Well I was standing on my deck in the dark so that I didn't wake up too much and I was looki... Sat, 26 Apr 2014 08:10:02 EST 2 days in a row 5 am gym classes Really trying to fit the exercise in this week. It's nice when getting out of class now at 6 am, it's light out. Hopefully next week things will be calmer with 3 days off a week, I can find some room to breath in between. This week has been extra tight cuz we had a doctors appointment on Monday, Scott had to come to as well. So to make up for it. He has to go into work 1 hour early for the remainder of the week. Sucks pretty bad when you already have to commute two hours a day. We both went t... Wed, 23 Apr 2014 07:58:20 EST Exhausted This week has been a struggle with getting to the gym. I drug myself out of bed this morning. Which was really hard cuz my alarm went off when I was having this delicious dream where I was making someone I can't stand cry hysterically. Ughhh I guess working out is more important. Less than 1 week until I am done with having two jobs. I have not had 1 job in ages or 4-5 years. <BR> <BR> This past week has been the week of, "Just get rid of it, I don't care how little money we will get". F... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 08:41:00 EST Baby <img src=""> <BR> I feel like I can finally say the words "pregnant" and "baby". We had our first doctors appointment today and it was moving its little hand bugs and leg buds around and HR was 180. It feels quite a bit more real now. 9.5 weeks along, due date is 11/13. <BR> <BR> I gotta get my eating under check. Even if I just stay at 2000 calories for the whole thing. I gotta stop giving into every craving. At this rate I am gonna be... Mon, 14 Apr 2014 17:44:05 EST The stuff men don't have to go through So I told my old job about the new job and the pg on Monday. My bosses first reaction was "Am I the last to know your PG????" Really? as if we are friends? Then she asked why I didn't ask her for more hours. She made like I could have. I told her if she could could get more hours than yes I could stay but if not I would probably put in my 2 weeks. She was more worried about me putting in my 2 weeks and interfering with her vacation at the end of the month than anything else. I have a feeling ... Wed, 9 Apr 2014 08:34:24 EST The unknown The last few weeks have been feeling like the unknown is coming. Friday I photographed my first wedding. I feel like it went much better than I thought it would. I always dreaded doing one. I actually had a lot of fun. The couple were so inlove and nothing about it felt forced. It was all just capturing the moment and being a fly on the wall, which is what I like. So now that hurdle has passed. I think I would do another, now I gotta find time to edit. <BR> <BR> Next hurdle is starting this ... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 08:46:40 EST If I wake up, I wake up I feel like when I lay my clothes out and set my alarm for 5 am fitness classes I jinx myself. So now I tell myself that if I wake up, I wake up. If I don't wake up then I don't wake up. Woke up at 4:25.. Used my phone light to fumble thru my dresser for some semi matching clothes (sometimes my outfits end up scary). Stumble downstairs, eat a yogurt (try not drop a big glob of yogurt on myself sleepily), drink a few sips of coffee and get out the door. It was a good class, I am happy I went. ... Thu, 3 Apr 2014 08:35:18 EST