COCHESE321's SparkPeople Blog COCHESE321's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Beware that first bite Ever since I came back from vacation - and, actually, just before I went - I have had problems staying on program. On any program. I did make it a whole week on the Belly Fat Cure program, which was remarkable for me lately. But I have seen some things going on that I want to get down on "paper" - <BR> <BR> - when I get prepared to go on a trip, I get very very stressed. I was going to be seeing a whole lot of people I hadn't seen since I left Florida and I was down more than 100 lbs whe... Sat, 30 Nov 2013 12:35:06 EST Just not ready I have proven to myself that I am simply not ready for the freedom of Weight Watchers, even though I have had a good deal of success on it in the past. By taking away the barriers and allowing myself to eat anything (but not everything) I want as long as I count for it I have just simply eaten Fiber One brownies and bagels. As a result, for the 3 weeks I was on it, I gained 6 lbs. Not the direction I was planning on. At the same time, I simply cannot go back to Medifast as just looking at... Sun, 24 Nov 2013 12:20:06 EST Aparigraha This week in yoga, we were concentrating on Aparigraha, one of the yamas that are one of the 8 limbs of yoga. A yama is a set of moral codes. This first yama is non-violence. This one refers to non-hoarding. <BR> <BR> What does this have to do with eating or food? This is a very rich word. It also refers to only taking what you need. For instance, when I lived alone I decided that I really didn't need to be living in a 2 bedroom apartment, a single bedroom or even a studio would do jus... Mon, 18 Nov 2013 14:19:58 EST The Person I Need to Ignore By Jon Acuff: <BR> <BR> The #1 person you need to ignore. <BR> If someone talked to you the way you talk to you, you’d never have lunch with him. <BR> You’d tell him they were really discouraging and hurtful. <BR> You’d wonder why he doubts on your dreams so much. <BR> You’d never call him for advice or ask for their help. <BR> If the inner voice in your head was an actual person you would have stopped listening to that person a long time ago. <BR> So why then, are you still listening to him... Tue, 12 Nov 2013 15:02:06 EST Happy Birthday, Dad! For the past 88 years, this earth has been hosting the most amazing man, my Dad. He is kind, funny, silly, honest and caring. He teaches me something every day - usually about patience. <BR> <BR> Dad was a man who, if he had to sit around very long, would get bored and build a porch or something. He could walk with 4 little kids sitting on his feet, 2 on each foot. He could fix anything except balloons. He was the one we all went to for advice and help. Unlike my Mom, who felt that eve... Wed, 6 Nov 2013 12:35:30 EST A Snow Day It is snowing today. This is the first one of the year that is sticking. The first snow of the year always makes me want to bake Christmas cookies. Not so much this year, though. This year I am watching it come down and already my feet feel cold. I will be taking the dog out in this, my feet will get wet and all of me will be cold. I am really glad, though, that this is the only reason that I have to leave the house today. The snow will turn into rain later today which means that the s... Tue, 5 Nov 2013 12:08:38 EST What is different? I have been on this journey, this time, for nearly 7 years. As I have mentioned before, I started in January 2007 in Weight Watchers. Over the next 2 years, I lost 113 lbs. I kept it off for 2 years. Then my folks got sick and hurt. And I lost my focus and put a few pounds back on. Over the next 2 years, I gained back half of what I had lost on Weight Watchers. <BR> <BR> I started TSFL/Medifast in July 2012. I have reclaimed my 113 lbs and added to it. Yes, I have struggled. Yes, I ... Sat, 2 Nov 2013 13:30:10 EST On Vacation I just got back last night from a week vacation. It was great to get away and let someone else be the hyper-responsible one for a while. I went back to Florida where I used to live to visit friends. Sigh. It was 80 degrees when I boarded the plane yesterday. It was 28 degrees when I walked the dog back home this morning. <BR> <BR> I am pleased to report that I did not gain any weight while I was gone. I didn't really try, but this was how it worked out. I did go to the store to buy so... Wed, 30 Oct 2013 15:00:31 EST I deserve it! I was reading a blog this morning where the blogger was ruminating on this phrase - "I deserve it". I have used this phrase so many times when I wanted something. Usually, when I wanted to eat something. So, now I am thinking about this, too. <BR> <BR> What makes me think that I deserve to treat my body like a garbage can? Is that truly what I deserve? Do I deserve to make myself sick, make my stomach hurt, make my head spin and my heart pound all because of some piece of sludge that I ... Tue, 15 Oct 2013 13:40:09 EST My Resignation I don't make New Year's Resolutions. Instead, what I do is to dedicate my year to a particular lesson. Some lessons take multiple years. I think this may be one of them. <BR> <BR> This year, my lesson was to learn to just let things be. Let it go and let it happen. To "accept the things I cannot change". Basically, to resign as CEO of the Universe. <BR> <BR> One thing I have realized is that it is time to let Medifast go. I have been struggling with a binge issue for months. And I a... Mon, 14 Oct 2013 12:49:20 EST Two Weeks Binge Free Hello, my name is Sue and I am a compulsive overeater. It has been 2 weeks since my last binge. <BR> <BR> Now, this may not sound like such a great accomplishment to some, but this is the longest I have gone without a blow out since April, I believe. I decided 2 weeks ago to stop eating in bed. For some reason, that has turned into a problem for me. I didn't used to binge until about 3 years ago. And now, the binges occur when I am laying in bed reading. I start getting in and out of b... Fri, 11 Oct 2013 14:33:22 EST It's official I am officially transitioning off of Medifast. Like that is anything new, really. I haven't eaten any MF food in some time. I do eat the occasional meal replacement, but mostly it has been real food that I eat. I am minding my carbs, but increasing my calories and carb load gradually to fall into a more normal area. I am using Sparkpeople more than I was to track my food so that I have an idea of where I am. I want to get to where I am simply using the old Weight Watcher CORE program th... Tue, 8 Oct 2013 14:06:07 EST Feeling Better Just a short post to say that I am feeling much better than I was on Sunday. I am doing well with not eating in bed. Since I can't seem to control myself, I need to just avoid it altogether. I have had to stop spending my day off watching recorded TV shows from the week because the situation was triggering me to eat. A lot. Now, it seems, that the same thing is happening with eating in bed. I don't think it is so much WHAT I am eating that does it, but rather the repeated action of gett... Tue, 1 Oct 2013 15:51:06 EST I'm so tired of saying this Once again, I am SOOO tired of saying I messed up. Any time I decide that I am going to do this program 100% like it's my job, I wind up binging. So I am going to have to stop doing that. <BR> <BR> I am having a terrible time with binging in bed,. Now, this may sound like a no-brainer to everyone else, but it finally occurred to me that, if I can't control the bed time eating, I need to stop eating in bed at all. Period. As my sister would say "Small, sustainable changes". <BR> <BR> I... Sun, 29 Sep 2013 13:11:58 EST It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood Today is sunny outside. Not particularly warm, but sunny. I love, no I need the sun. I didn't realize how much my body needs sunshine until I moved back up North after living in the South for 11 winters. It doesn't have to be particularly warm - it will only get up into the 60s today - but it does need to be sunny. Besides, I have plenty of lovely new sweaters to keep me warm. <BR> <BR> After deciding to not worry about dieting and just staying where I am for a while, I realize I am ju... Thu, 26 Sep 2013 11:51:35 EST Going Shopping I am off for the next 2 days. And I am going to go SHOPPING! <BR> <BR> I love to shop. I love grocery shopping. The only thing I don't love shopping for is shoes. I have challenged feet and it is not fun trying to find shoes to fit both feet when one ankle is 1 1/2" larger than the other. But I digress. <BR> <BR> It is cold and rainy outside. Fall is here and, I am told, Winter will be right behind it. I gave my sister my winter coats because they are too big for me this year and her... Mon, 23 Sep 2013 12:11:07 EST I've been thinking I really am thinking that this might be a good place to begin maintenance. It isn't that I don't want to lose 20 more pounds. I do. But the more I concentrate on it, the more binging I do. And I just don't want to put my body through that anymore. I don't want to put my mind through it either. And I especially don't want to put my soul through it anymore. <BR> <BR> I am afraid of this. But I want to see if I can do it. If I lose more, cool. If I don't, I am actually quite happy wher... Sat, 21 Sep 2013 22:23:10 EST Day 1 revisited. Again. I am on my third Day 1. In a row. I bought some different bars and have eaten 3 boxes of them in the past 3 nights. Along with chocolate chip cookies, a bagel, extra snacks. You name it, I have eaten it. And all this eating has been done in the last 3 hours of my day. It is ridiculous. <BR> <BR> Today, I am crabby. God, am I crabby. I am trying to not take it out on Dad who can't help being an old old man. Who has no control over whether or not he chokes. Who rolls his jeans up nea... Fri, 20 Sep 2013 12:21:26 EST Help! I'm Surrounded! Today, during my walk with the dog, I was ruminating about my life. I mean, what else does one do when walking the dog? We go on our adventure of sniffing and peeing. We find it works best if I sniff and he pees. The other way around caused way too much confusion in the neighborhood. And the restraining orders were becoming an issue. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I realized that I am working on getting healthy while being surrounded by illness and death. Way too many deaths have happened around me... Thu, 12 Sep 2013 18:00:10 EST Not such a good day Eating-wise, today has not been such a good day. It started out great. I ate my breakfast, mid-morning meal and lunch right on schedule and exactly as planned. Then, at 2:30, I cracked. I don't really know why, but I did. I decided to taste the peanut butter cookies in the drawer. I know, big mistake! Before I blinked, I had eaten all 3 of them. And these are not small cookies. These are about 4" in diameter. I washed that down with 2 packets of sandwich crackers with 6 in each packe... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 20:05:26 EST Mister Pufferbelly I took my Dad's 7 year old white Shih Tzu, named Puffy, to the vet today for some routine shots. In the past year, the little guy has developed wheat allergies, high blood pressure, cataracts and a severe double heart murmur. This goes along with his congenital hip deformity. He can't hold down food very well lately - for what reason, we still don't know - so I cook his food. Each week, I boil up 1 lb ground chicken breast and 2 scrubbed but unpeeled chopped up sweet potatoes. This is hi... Sat, 7 Sep 2013 12:16:32 EST I get knocked down - but I get up again! I have been reading some folks' blogs today about slipping, falling, failing somehow at the task that they have set out for themselves. I'm not entirely sure why, but we all seem to think that we are the only ones who do this. And, yet, there are so many of us who do. It is rare, in my experience, that the road of anyone's journey is straight and free of detours. The assumption that we are alone in our misery and frailty seems to feed the guilt we feel when we indulge in our secret shame ... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 15:18:32 EST Ah, Drama! Some days, I hate the transparency of social media. This is one of those days. <BR> <BR> Sometime in April, my former fiance, Bob, committed suicide. I say "sometime in April" because no one really knows when - he wasn't found for nearly 2 weeks. He had been physically ill for some time and, more importantly, severely depressed for months. We had broken up around Thanksgiving, but it still hit me hard. During the time that he was going downhill, I had started Medifast. I was choosing to... Thu, 22 Aug 2013 15:48:34 EST Be careful what you wish for When I was a little girl - oh, maybe 5 or so - there were 2 things I wished for. I didn't want to be a mommy (yet). I didn't want to be an astronaut (yet). I wanted to be a nurse. And I wanted to marry my Daddy. <BR> <BR> Over the years, I grew to want many different things. I wanted to be an archeologist, a teacher, marine biologist, a biomedical engineer. I wound up being cashier, a mommy, a waitress, a bartender and eventually a computer programmer and single parent. But I never lo... Wed, 21 Aug 2013 13:11:55 EST Shakespeare and I Neither one of us has written much lately. <BR> <BR> I have been struggling this past week. I had a couple of weeks where I was calm and working my program with no issues. But the stress of a particular circumstance that I can't do anything about but am not allowed to even talk about is getting to me. Enough so that I have, once again, broken out with Shingles. <BR> <BR> I have been getting Shingles - more accurately, I have been getting A Shingle on my back - since I was 28 years old. ... Tue, 20 Aug 2013 19:36:12 EST Why? I have been considering this for some time - why? Why am I doing this? Why am I still doing this after so much time? What is my reason for being on this program or any other program? I was stumped on how to identify this. Then I started looking back at some really old writings, from back when I started, and found it again. <BR> <BR> Six and 1/2 years ago, I was 300 lbs. and in the hospital with a nasty case of cellulitis up my whole left leg. I was only in for 4 days, but it took weeks... Fri, 9 Aug 2013 14:40:31 EST One thing at a time I have been seeing this particular philosophy in several other people's blogs - tackle on bad habit at a time. I thought "I don't get it". I'm not sure what I didn't "get", but I would read that and respond with nothing but a mental question mark. <BR> <BR> Today, I think I see what they meant. I have a few bad habits that I need to work on in order to maintain the weight I have lost and will continue to lose. Until I get these things under control, I will wind up gaining back the weight... Thu, 8 Aug 2013 11:56:42 EST I did it! I have been a little off kilter of late. Not binging, per se, but a little bit more generous in my bites and tastes here and there. Yesterday, I decided that, rather than going for 100% on plan, I would simply have an all Medifast day and then my lean & green. Ok, that sounds like the same thing, I know. But, for me, saying "I'm going to be 100% On Plan for 2 weeks" just felt like too much pressure. But to say "Here are my meals, this is what I will eat today. Tomorrow will take care of... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 18:21:27 EST Why did I do this? Or Lessons learned There have been so many times over the past 20 years or so that I bemoaned the fact that I had allowed myself to become morbidly obese. What kind of person does that to themselves? What kind of weak excuse for a human being was I? <BR> <BR> Well, I am here to say that nothing in life is wasted. We are precious, complicated creatures who are greatly valuable just as we are. We never really needed to prove anything or be anything other than who we were. We learn and we grow, even during t... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 14:19:45 EST I've been exposed! Well, actually, I did it to myself. I "outed" myself as a MediFraud. It isn't that I don't follow Medifast. I do. In principle. I eat 5 meal replacements and 1 L&G with the appropriate fat. I drink fluids. I move my body. <BR> <BR> But here is where I become a fraud. I don't buy all of my food from Medifast. About half of it comes from Medifast, but I also buy food from Diet Direct and from American Bariatrics. And I will buy it from any place else where I can get a similar, or even b... Mon, 29 Jul 2013 12:08:29 EST Flowering without roots Last night, in the middle of the night, I found myself thinking about flowers. And this phrase came to me, and kept coming back to me: <BR> <BR> A plant doesn't need good roots to flower. It needs roots to stay. <BR> <BR> I would roll over. Go back to sleep, and the phrase would repeat. Again and again. I guess there was a part of me that REALLY wanted me to hear it. <BR> <BR> I have seen plants flower with their roots barely touching the dirt. I have seen them flower in water, with ... Wed, 3 Jul 2013 22:02:54 EST My Deepest Fear Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You were born to make manifest the glory of God th... Tue, 25 Jun 2013 15:46:06 EST My Port of Destination One of my favorite quotes is: <BR> <BR> No wind blows in favor of the ship with no port of destination. <BR> <BR> So what is my port of destination? What is my ultimate goal? In many circles, the term "optimal health" is bandied around so much that is has lost all meaning to many of us. So what does "Optimal Health" really mean to me? It is not a number on the scale. There are many thin unhealthy people walking around. There are many overweight healthy people walking around, too. So, to me,... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 13:42:46 EST Battered and weary I'm feeling a little battered and bruised today. Last night was the memorial service for my former fiance. It was a lovely celebration, with good music (mostly me - but, hey, I work cheap), funny "Bob" stories and wonderful memories. His sister put together a picture montage that ran during the whole service. She mentioned how empowering it was to be able to edit his life. Funny. <BR> <BR> This has been a difficult time for me - more than I expected. He was my former fiance. We broke u... Sat, 8 Jun 2013 14:15:11 EST Daily Fluctuations I am an unapologetic daily weigher. I do this for 2 reasons: FOR ME it takes the emphasis OFF the number and it reminds me that I have to do this every day. This approach does not work for most people and is not recommended. But this is what works for me. <BR> <BR> That said, allow me to share my ups and downs from last week, all while being 100% OP and in fat burn. It may help others who are frustrated by the scale. <BR> <BR> Weigh in Saturday: +/- 0 <BR> Sunday: - 1.4 <BR> Monday: + 1.4 <... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 14:31:24 EST The Real Marathon I often hear that weight loss is not a race, it is a marathon. While I agree that I am not competing with anyone other than who I was yesterday, I think this is wrong. I think that the actual marathon is maintenance and the weight loss phase is training for that marathon. <BR> <BR> I have never run a marathon. I have never trained for one. Actually, unless there are bees or bullets involved, I don't run. BUT, I would never show up for a marathon without training. This isn't something w... Sat, 1 Jun 2013 14:11:10 EST Emotional eating I have used the term Emotional Eating for many years. The funny thing is, I didn't really understand what I meant by it until now. It seems like an obvious thing - I "stuff" my emotions by eating. <BR> <BR> I tend to disassociate, meaning I don't really feel my emotions. At my worst, I see life like I am looking through a window that is across the room. I don't have a lot of attachment to it. I have worked for years on this and I am getting pretty good at being present and feeling joy,... Tue, 28 May 2013 15:50:09 EST I didn't wake up this morning wishing I had binged last night I was thinking last night about my relationship with food, particularly at night. I have been known to binge on Medifast food since that is all I had available. I have eaten 8 bars at one "sitting" followed by pretzels, bites and cereal. Last night, at the end of 3 OP days, the binge buttons were glowing. I think because my routine was altered a little - Dad went to bed early. Only by 15 minutes, but still it was a change. My knee-jerk reaction to being "blessedly alone" is to eat. A l... Sun, 26 May 2013 16:05:19 EST R E S P E C T Well, it seems that Shakespeare and I have a lot in common - neither of us has written much lately. <BR> <BR> I am thinking, today, about how we often put ourselves last and don't treat ourselves with the respect we do others. And here is my conclusion - I will not feed myself with any less respect than I would even my least respected guest. I mean, would I invite anyone over to my house to eat dinner standing in front of the fridge with the door open? Would I say "I'm sure there are things ... Fri, 2 Nov 2012 19:22:32 EST Examined Choices Week 7, down 2.6 for a total of 24. <BR> <BR> I am working on redefining the feelings in my stomach. I get this grumbly feeling, sort of empty like, all afternoon. I know it is not true hunger because I have eaten and I can distract myself from it. But my mind thinks I am hungry. That is how my body sees it, too. In my former life, I would eat all afternoon. I would have eaten until the feeling went away and I was in a food coma. But I am also working on teaching my mind that being hun... Sat, 8 Sep 2012 12:49:25 EST First we fix it... My Dad is having rotator cuff surgery next week. Because of his medical history and heart issues, it is not a simple procedure. He will be in the hospital at least overnight, either as an orthopedic patient or a cardiac one. <BR> <BR> We saw the surgeon for is pre-op appointment last week. He said something really interesting that I found amazing, and also applicable to my weight loss journey and maintenance plan. He said: <BR> <BR> First we fix it, then we protect what we fixed. <BR> ... Mon, 3 Sep 2012 12:29:22 EST Week 6 on Medifast Wow, here it is the weigh in for Week 6 already. Man, it seems like only last week I was in week 5. <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> Results for today are: down another 2 lbs. That makes a total of 20.6 for the 6 weeks. On into week 7 now. This program is easier than I thought it would be and very conducive to our multiple times per week restaurant eating. <BR> <BR> I do like the Medifast food, but the thing I like most about it is the lack of decisions I have to make and the lessened ... Sat, 25 Aug 2012 18:49:54 EST Maintenance Plan Although I am far from goal , have never gotten to goal, I have been reading lately about having a maintenance plan. This resonated with me because I regained half of the 113 lbs I lost a few years ago. I think that had I had a maintenance plan already in hand that I could pull out and use even though I hadn't made it to goal yet, much of this could have been avoided. <BR> <BR> So I have 2 things I am going to ruminate over and get in place in the next few days. <BR> <BR> 1. A plan of at... Sun, 12 Aug 2012 12:45:19 EST Crises in Motion This morning, my beloved diabetic Granddog, Dazey, had a blood sugar crash about a block away from home during our walk. I had to carry the 45 lb dog home as she couldn't stand, never mind walk. I tell you, I am not in nearly as good a shape as I thought! I have no idea how my daughter managed to carry her 3 blocks home from the store. All is well now, but I don't think I will be walking her without some sort of sugar pills or syrup in hand in the future. <BR> <BR> <BR> Luckily, the "securi... Wed, 8 Aug 2012 22:19:48 EST Anniversaries Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my mother's death. Everyone in the family has gathered around my Dad to give him support at this momentous time. He, though, can't figure out why anyone would think he would be having a hard time with it. She is dead every day, not just yesterday. <BR> <BR> God, I love that man! But I do miss my Mama. <BR> <BR> Thu, 2 Aug 2012 12:35:50 EST SSRI Withdrawal Today marks the beginning of my third week on Medifast. So far, so good - down 13.4 in 2 weeks. <BR> <BR> Also, I have decided to stop taking Celexa. I had a terrible time a few years ago stopping Effexor which I had taken for 14 years. I forgot, or didn't realize, when I started Celexa that it was, also, an SSRI. <BR> <BR> So I slowed my dosage, then stopped it. On Thursday, I was having back spasms, had very sensitive nerves down my left leg and, most telling, started with the brain z... Sat, 28 Jul 2012 14:42:03 EST Week 1 Results I have been doing Medifast for a week now. It was not easy, especially on Thursday when my body was full and trying to convince me I was starving at the same time. When it started screaming "give me bread! give me sugar!" I knew it was not hunger but cravings. <BR> <BR> So my first week weigh in? Down 12 lbs! That is a LOT of water weight. Now let the fat burning commence! <BR> <BR> <em>91</em> <em>9</em> Sat, 21 Jul 2012 12:54:12 EST My Storage Solution I read this on a message board, but decided it was a great idea. I have nowhere to store my Medifast products, so I bought an over the door shoe holder with clear pouches. This hold 12 boxes of food. I will have to get an under the bed storage box, too, for future orders, but this makes choosing very easy. It is now the bathroom door (who besides me keeps their food in the bathroom?) next to the scale. When I get up in the morning, I weigh myself and then grab my day's food. <BR> <BR>... Wed, 18 Jul 2012 12:45:20 EST On my new program I started Medifast on Saturday. I know it takes a while to actually lose fat, but I have peed out 6.2 lbs in 2 days. My body is used to taking in a lot of water (that has never been a problem for me), but I am taking in even more now. <em>91</em> <BR> <BR> I have been really really hungry, which is expected for the first few days. But I also am enough of a compulsive that I am doing this program *as written* - I will relax in a couple of months and be a little bit less OCD about the who... Mon, 16 Jul 2012 10:47:32 EST A New Beginning Ok, I have been messing around here for months. I do well for a while, then not so well. All the while I watch the weight just falling off my daughter. So I have decided to join her and do Medifast. <BR> <BR> <BR> I have watched how she eats when she is out, what she eats when she is here each week, and it is not that different from what I do except she doesn't eat the starch. She eats a plate full of vegetables and a good sized portion of lean protein (the Lean and Green meal). The r... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 21:55:11 EST