CLOVER2's SparkPeople Blog CLOVER2's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Time To Readjust and Reassess I've been settling into a place lately that I'm not very happy with. I'm in maintenance and have been for a while. Lately I've been missing my workouts and not really paying attention to my healthy eating. Habits that had become almost second nature have been slipping away. Using my own health issues, such as sciatica, as an excuse to not do the things I know need to be done to continue on the path I've chosen. <BR> It's time to work on this. I need to start paying attention again, to start ... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 11:58:31 EST Thank God For a Super Support System... I'm not doing so well right now. I have come through a pretty dark tunnel and managed to come out on the other side pretty much intact. There are times when it is easy to almost forget what it was like. And then, for what seems like no reason at all, life comes knocking and I find myself feeling like cowering in a corner and telling the world to please go away and leave me be. Questioning and second guessing everything. Wondering why I'm not getting as much attention as I think I should. Wond... Thu, 13 Mar 2014 17:17:18 EST So The Countdown Begins... It is now 2014. And my countdown to retirement begins! I will be retiring in January of 2015...just the thought makes me get butterflies in my stomach! I've been doing a lot of "head work" the last few months. Now the "leg work" begins. I have to make sure I have all the answers to the questions of just how I'm going to live once I'm no longer "actively employed". I know the questions, I just don't know all the answers yet. But I will. And I know who to ask, so that makes it less stressful th... Tue, 21 Jan 2014 16:08:35 EST It's Just One Day....And Who Needs Water Anyway? I am searching today, I am praying. I am asking God for serentiy. This has been a rough couple of days for me. My hot water heater went out, my landlord, who is also my friend got it working, sorta and then this last weekend he brought in a new one. It has been something of a disaster up to this point. It leaks like a sieve, I can't have the water on at all, meaning that to use it(for baser needs), I need to turn the water on and then turn it off again. It was supposed to be finished yesterda... Mon, 7 Oct 2013 16:05:56 EST Weekend With the Grandson... I got to spend this last weekend with my grandson, Shane. It was incredible. I haven't done this with any of my grandkids, I haven't been in a place in my own head that I was able to. In the past I would tell them that I wanted to do something like this, and then just never follow through. My older grandkids, their mother(may she, Terri...whole 'nother story) told me she didn't feel like it would be fair to let one go and not the other. She wanted an overnight babysitter. I wanted t... Thu, 26 Sep 2013 00:40:21 EST It Can Stop Raining Now... I don't remember it being like this, EVER. The rain just doesn't seem to want to stop. We've been trying to keep the streets cleared of debris, the flooding keeps shoving it into the streets. I did get a kick out of the police dept., they asked if it were possible for us to send a plow out and just plow the water....ummm...what?? Just where would they like us to PUT it? I am quite sure the folks in those neighborhoods would be so thrilled with a wall of water sliding into their basements! ... Sun, 15 Sep 2013 01:11:43 EST My Aura Reading... I went to the Metaphysical Fair today. I look forward to it twice a year, they come to Denver in March and September and I try not to miss it. One of the things I do when I go there is have my aura read. They take my picture and the aura shows all around me. I’ve been wondering what it would look like this time around. When I had it done in March of 2012 it was completely red, no other colors. When I had it done in March of 2013 it was mostly shades of white and lavender with some golds... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 00:06:13 EST Thinking About Retirement... I've been off the last week. It wasn't really a vacation, had to take a little recovery time off for health reasons. But it has shown me something. I am ready to retire. I have started the process, I've set it in motion and plan on the end of next year. But I didn't know for sure if I was really ready for it. I am. I believe that it will be something I will enjoy and I won't be curling up in a corner getting ready to die. There are things I still want to do and would enjoy the time of... Tue, 20 Aug 2013 00:47:53 EST I Want to Thank SparkPeople!! I am incredibly pleased with the newest additions to the Spark Awards! I know we don't always "enjoy" the changes that get made here, we get used to how something works and we are NOT creatures comfortable with change. But you know what? We adjust, we get used to it and we do just fine! I'm fine with the new fitness plan and I really do like the new way we track some of the things for our Spark Points. We actually get more! <BR> But I am totally thrilled about the new awards! The mileag... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 15:28:59 EST Update on the Furbabies.... I took Henry and Manny in to see the doc this morning. Manny has a split on his tail, it looks as though someone may have picked him up by his tail and he reacted defensively, rats will do that, they can split the skin and escape in the wild. It looks a bit like someone put a teeny tiny rubberband on his tail and left it. He is healing ok with the ointment Jerry gave me but if his tail starts to "die" I have to take him in immediately. Henry is doing much better, I've been bathing him wit... Mon, 22 Jul 2013 15:35:35 EST Obligatory Blog... I've been trying to keep up with the Community Team, I haven't blogged since the 10th, it is time to do one. So here it is. <BR> I'm doing better, I miss Mari something awful but I have been working on getting to know the boys better. I realized that I had been neglecting them, not physically but in teaching them that I am someone to trust and love. I have an apt. on Monday with Henry, he has skin problems and we're going to work on that. Lucy is doing ok, I can tell she misses the othe... Sun, 21 Jul 2013 01:56:48 EST Counting my blessings... I had something happen recently that made me really count my blessings. I was going out for my walk with very little enthusiasm. My inner voice, you know, the lazy one was going hot and heavy trying to convince me that I really didn't want to do this today. As I was walking along and listening to her moan and groan I rounded a building that is an aquarium close to home. And came face-to-face with a woman in a wheelchair who had only one leg. That really shut her up immediately. It made me rea... Thu, 11 Jul 2013 01:19:27 EST My New Pedometer... I recently lost my Omron pedometer, it either fell off my hip or I left it in the bathroom I was in while out of town. I was pretty heartbroken because I have gone through a number of them since I started tracking and this one was a very good find. I ordered another Omron online and when I got it found it was metric, and the smallest stride possible still added 5 steps for every 50 and as far as I'm concerned that is cheating! I got one from Walmart, cheap and I know why....I thought, here ... Tue, 2 Jul 2013 20:43:45 EST Wake Up Call... I had something happen last Saturday night that was a total wake up call for me. Not that I have to do something about my health, I've been working pretty successfully at that for some time now. This was that I really am not ready to give up this life that I have discovered! I had a scare, I honestly didn't know if I was dying. I had never felt that way before, and the EMTs that were helping me didn't know if what was happening to me was my heart or not. Turned out to be heat, dehydratio... Fri, 21 Jun 2013 20:59:08 EST I need some help, please... I don't know what I am doing wrong and maybe someone could help me. I have been trying to upload a new photo(my new tatoo!) and every time I do it tells me that the "file is to large to save" It isn't any different than the others I uploaded and I have plenty of room for new photos. Could someone who maybe had the same problem let me know what I need to do? <BR> I would be eternally grateful! <BR> <em>304</em> Tue, 11 Jun 2013 16:51:24 EST Follow-Up on My Previous Blog... This is a follow-up for the previous blog that I wrote," Following My Heart". I felt, from some responses that I needed to explain a bit more detail. <BR> I've had to think about why I wrote it in the first place. Did I really think that people's responses to it would be any different than they have been? What kind of responses was I really looking for? <BR> For the first question, the reason I wrote it. I felt like it was a little like when I was still drinking. I was walking all the way a... Thu, 6 Jun 2013 03:04:24 EST Following My Heart I have been thinking about my heart and my health lately and how they intertwine. It involves something that I've written about just once in one of my blogs. It is about my relationship with my husband. We don't live together, we haven't since March of 2001. It was his idea, he asked me for a divorce. We are not divorced. I would not pay for something I didn't want in the first place. And I don't know why he never got one. I don't know if we ever will now. And I don't really know if that matt... Mon, 3 Jun 2013 00:37:37 EST I Didn't Necessarily Want to Learn This.... I had a MAJOR reality check yesterday. SparkPeople went down for a few hours. No biggy, just some technical problems caused by a fire and they just had to take care of it. <BR> But.....what if......what if they HAD gone down for good? Something that couldn't be helped and couldn't be stopped? I realized yesterday just how immersed I am in this website and just how fragile my connection with the people I have come to know and love here. What would life be like for me if all of you really ... Fri, 17 May 2013 20:55:14 EST Dinner with Mom, only a little scary this time! I went to dinner at Red Lobster with my mother and my brother today. My mother didn't recognize me. My brother took one look at me and then did a double take! Mom was telling me that her daughter's favorite color is purple and she would like what I was wearing very much. I asked her how many daughters did she have. And then told her that it was me, her only daughter. At one point my brother was looking at me, and I said "What,?" He just said "You look so good!" This sure does help the ego a ... Sun, 12 May 2013 00:35:39 EST It is snowing.....AGAIN!!!!!!! I'm writing this from work....listening to the two way radio, AGAIN. I'm really, really ready for this to be done. Plows are out, running those snow routes to get the streets cleaned up. I think the problem is that I looked at the calendar and once it said April 1st I got my head set for the snow season to be over and I wouldn't have to spend any more 12 hour days at work and it didn't happen that way so I'm getting...EXTREMELY frustrated. <BR> So now I've vented and now I will just hav... Mon, 22 Apr 2013 22:12:42 EST Weekly Blog... Just a quick update to get my weekly blog in. Don't really have anything to talk about. <BR> So I will just say hello, and have a very good weekend! <BR> How come when someone says I have to do this, I go brain dead? <BR> <em>2</em> <em>247</em> Sat, 20 Apr 2013 16:33:42 EST I'm Getting New Glasses...Why is this Scaring the heck out of me? I have an appointment next Monday to get my eyes checked. It is LONG overdue, a part of getting myself in order that I have been dedicated to doing. This will mean that I will be getting a new prescription, of course, my eyes have REALLY changed since the last time they were checked! <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Now...I have been trying to figure out why this has been making me so uncomfortable. I have been told by a number of people close to me that when I get said new glasses that I should ... Mon, 8 Apr 2013 18:59:29 EST Update.... Just a quick update, mostly because I joined the Community Team and I have to post a blog at least once a week. Sheesh...tell me I HAVE to and see just how fast my brain goes into shutdown mode. <BR> Easter weekend was fantastic, I was able to make it down to see the kids and the grandkids, got to be the Easter Bunny, which I absolutely love. I seem to have more grandchildren than I used to, have two more "adopted" ones, and that is just fine. <BR> I'm doing better with missing my Alice. ... Thu, 4 Apr 2013 19:23:48 EST Auras..... The Metaphysical Fair comes to Denver twice a year. I try to go whenever it gets into town. I went last year in March and then again yesterday. When I go I always have a picture taken of my aura. I find it extremely enlightening. <BR> <BR> When I had it done last year, my aura was completely red, no other colors. I was upset because I thought that it must mean anger. When it was explained to me the lady told me that it didn't necessarily mean anger. In most cases it means that there are majo... Sun, 17 Mar 2013 14:50:39 EST Psssst......I Have Definition!!!!! I was getting ready last night to do my strength training on my Total Gym. I have this really cool dark magenta Danskin shirt, no sleeves at all, a built in bra and sooo clingy, (there are NO other people within gagging distance!) that I wear with a pair of shorts when I do my workouts. After I had gotten it on and I was standing in front of the mirror I tried something. I struck a pose, something like the ones that you see people do when they are trying to show muscle definition in their arm... Thu, 14 Mar 2013 01:47:58 EST Changing Your Mindset..... I was doing my strength training last night and as I was just beginning there was this little voice, ( I thought she was gone...but nooooo) that stated that she was just NOT strong enough tonight to do the whole workout, probably not even strong enough to do all the reps in each set! My reply was, "Hogwash!!" (word changed for the sake of the children), "You are EXACTLY as strong as you were two days ago, you just don't want to do this! And that does NOT matter!" I began, and finished the ... Sat, 9 Mar 2013 14:30:21 EST Four Years....And Counting!! (Forgive the length!) Yesterday was my four year Sparkversary. The day went by without me even being aware of it, and then I looked at my start date last night, a little after midnight and realized that it had been four full years since I found this website, and changed my life! <BR> There have been soooo many really good things that have happened to me in those four years, and some pretty sad things too. When I found this site in a magazine article: <BR> <BR> 1. I was still living with my mother, I had moved t... Tue, 5 Mar 2013 16:55:27 EST How Do I Define “Happy”? I have been thinking about that lately. A lot. Really. Just what is my definition of happy? Is it that I have all the money I want? That I get to travel as much is I want to? That I don't have to go to work anymore? That I am as organized and put together as I would like to be? Are these the things I'm really looking for? Is it these that would really make me happy? <BR> <BR> I don't think so. Because if they were than what I am feeling lately wouldn't be able to be defined as being happy. S... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 15:08:22 EST I'm Scared I got some sad news on Friday. I went in for my therapy appointment and she let me know that she had gotten another job working in the school administration. So this last Friday was my last appointment with her. This was not good news. She and I go back for quite a few years and I don't think I would be where I am if I hadn't had her. She tells me I'm strong, and that I can do this. She tells me that she uses me as an example to others who are struggling. She calls me her poster child. I kno... Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:36:58 EST Spider Bite Ok, so I looked it up on the internet (what WOULD we do without this incredible innovation?!) and have come to the conclusion that it was a Wolf Spider that I shared my bed with the other night. Know it was my bed because the bite wasn't there when I went to sleep and was when I woke up. The photo I looked at and the nasty thing I have on the back of my right upper arm looked exactly the same. Big red spot, big lump, hot to the touch and volcano (complete with crater) in the center. (Sorr... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 14:37:40 EST Working On Me January was a tough month. I have been sick for a good part of it. Three separate and very nasty colds and I haven’t been sick this many times in one season in I can’t remember how long. I was looking over my calendar and I was happy to see that I did get at least some fitness minutes in over the course of the month. And I am happy to say that it hasn’t been nearly as hard to get those Total Gym minutes on the upswing again as I thought it was going to be! When I exercised for the first ... Sun, 3 Feb 2013 01:49:49 EST Ow, ouch, owie... I said I was going to do it and I did. I said it.....come the first of the year I'm gonna put that Total Gym up one from Level 1 to Level 2 and I did it. And then I looked at that machine, and I looked at it, then I looked at it some more. What is wrong with this picture? Then I found this really nifty Danskin shirt ON SALE! at Walmart, with a bra built in, (I was soooo tired of the ones I had shifting around till it was pretty much bass ackward), an absolutely GORGEOUS purple, and I........ Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:59:41 EST Hello... I have to get back into this. This is the start. It's been too long. I want to start reaching out again. I have a whole bunch rolling around in my head, things that are going on, things that I'm trying to do, relationships I'm trying to mend. I've been closing myself off again. This is not healthy. So this is my beginning. Let it be just the beginning. <BR> Hello to all my spark friends out there, I am still here. <BR> <BR> <em>88</em> Sun, 13 Jan 2013 01:36:12 EST Pardon Me …I’m just loving me for a moment this morning... Pardon Me …I’m just loving me for a moment this morning. <BR> <BR> I woke up this morning to the smell of my conditioned hair. <BR> As I lay in my sheets, I noticed the beautiful outline of my Vessel. <BR> It came to me ….. <BR> I am a resurrected vessel..Beautiful <BR> Moving into another level of wholeness <BR> I think I ought to love me this morning. <BR> Pardon me…I’m just loving me for a moment this morning... <BR> I woke up this morning to the pattern of my own shadow.. <BR> No matter ... Wed, 26 Sep 2012 14:50:15 EST Thinking about this numbers game...God, I don't want to change! Even if it is probably the best news I've gotten into my head in a long time! I've been thinking about something I discussed with a SparkFriend about the "numbers" game we play. You know the one, where we step on the scale and whatever we see there determines just how our day, week, will go. I've been working on that, OCD is NOT condusive to doing very well! I got on the scale this morning and I am up 5.4 pounds from my lowest weight of 123, weighing in at 128.4.( Tue, 31 Jul 2012 17:58:23 EST I Think I'll Pick Optimism I have been thinking about something since the Avon Walk. I ended up with a flat tire and my first reaction to it was "Oh GREAT, NOW what am I going to do?" My spare was a donut, it wasn't going to get me over the Rocky Mountains back to Denver. At first I spent a fair amount of time worrying about it, I was able to get air in the tire and it was a slow leak so I wasn't even sure it was a hole at first. The air stayed in the tire long enough for me to get more air in it. The leak was ther... Wed, 11 Jul 2012 20:54:21 EST Letter to me My therapist told me to write a letter to my “Stupid Self”, so here goes. <BR> Dear Stupid Self, <BR> When I began thinking about what I was going to say to you, my first inclination was to tear you a new one. To tell you to go away and never, ever come back. That I didn’t need you anymore and I didn’t want you around anymore. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized a few things. <BR> I think I may have named you wrong. I don’t think you are my “stupid self”, I think yo... Sun, 8 Jul 2012 03:11:14 EST Hi honey, I'm home!!! Sorry I didn’t get this out sooner, I got home last night after picking up the furbabies, (I think they really missed me!), pretty much fell out and slept like a rock! <BR> Soo, this is my really great weekend. The trip up was really smooth, got up there just fine. I got checked into my hotel room and then went to find the place to get checked in for the walk. There were lots of people and lots of help and it was actually very easy. It was kind of funny though, I had never been on a walk ... Mon, 25 Jun 2012 21:28:37 EST So, this is where I am I got my suitcase out this weekend and started figuring out what I will need to take with me. I have the laundry sorted and know what I will need to get washed to take with me. I took the furbabies in today for their "well baby" check to make sure they are healthy while my mother (trying not to panic at this) watches them this weekend. I have put my paperwork together, notes from Avon with suggestions and hints and such so I have something to fall back on when I go brain dead. I have sched... Mon, 18 Jun 2012 18:42:10 EST What Is WRONG With Me?!? I can't stop crying or feeling like I'm going to cry. I have been like this all day long and I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I have just about gotten to the point where I'm supposed to be "done". Why don't I feel good? What is wrong? I keep digging and digging and I can't come up with a good answer here. All of a sudden I'm starting to feel like I don't "fit in" here anymore. I'm not struggling for every pound, does that make me "cured"? Where do I go from here? What do I do? I ... Mon, 11 Jun 2012 21:28:42 EST Shopping June 2011 VS Shopping June 2012 I went shopping this weekend. I realized as I was doing this that I had done just about the very same thing just about the very same time this time last year. I HAD to get some clothes! This got me to thinking about the differences in the "shopping" experiences I had. <BR> Last year I had finally come to the conclusion that I had to go do some clothes shopping. Those things that still fit were pathetic, I wore knit pants with elastic waists and not one of them didn't have worn, torn, re... Mon, 4 Jun 2012 01:58:15 EST Latest on the "Toe Saga"! My coach came by to see me at work today so she could take a look at the toe. She brought me some information about "Runner's Toe", it sounds like this is what I'm dealing with, and it's not so bad...although I MAY lose the toe nail! is SUCH a lovely color of blue/purple/mother of pearl right now! I find myself wishing that all my toes were naturally that color, I'd never have to paint them again! <em>24</em> It isn't nearly as sore as it was a couple of days ago. <BR> I'm goi... Wed, 30 May 2012 01:29:56 EST Thanks for the feedback, I did need it, I knew I wasn't going to listen to an idiot like me! Thank you so much guys! I really appreciate the help and the verdict is pretty much what I was afraid of. I will be taking it very easy for the next....however long. The walk is four weeks from yesterday, my goal is to be completely healed by then and pushing the distances while injured won't do that! I have the advantage that I can wear flip flops to work so I won't be wearing any regular shoes. I have heard horror stories about toe nails falling off, this is what is lurking right now! ... Sun, 27 May 2012 20:33:50 EST Ok, feet experts, tell me if I'm in trouble, PLEASE! Long story, shorter! I don't know if I am in trouble or not here and would like some advice! I walked on Friday, I went 14.26 miles. <em>244</em> A personal best for me but I think I might have messed up one of my feet. I got some Dr. Scholl's inserts from a friend at work, and I put them inside my Dr. Scholl's walking shoes when I wore them on my walk. The first ten miles was fine, then my toes started hurting. I didn't pay attention to it, I wanted to get 15 miles in an... Sun, 27 May 2012 12:46:40 EST I heard the word today! A very long time ago, in a galaxy far different story! <em>2</em> MY story is there was a time when this person I know at work would describe me as "tiny". I weighed 118 pounds and I felt a bit full of myself cuz I kinda actually was! I saw her today, she looked at me and said, "Gee, Terri, you just look so tiny!" I was in heaven!! I did not ever think I would hear that word again as a description of me, and I don't even really care if it isn't really all that true... Wed, 23 May 2012 01:53:00 EST My Mock Walk I'm sorry I didn't get this done before. I was kind of in "regrouping" mode yesterday. I just took a day off to just relax and let everything go for a bit. Now I need to get back to work and concentrate on the job at hand! <BR> The walk went really well! And considering that it was spitting snow when I got up there that is saying something! I didn't make the 10 miles, but I did go 8.23 miles! The one thing I did forget to take was a hat, and my ears got REALLY cold! I got frostbite on ... Mon, 21 May 2012 11:23:34 EST Update to let you all know how I'm doing! I have to go to bed here pretty soon. I have to be up at 5:00am so I can go to Keystone and do a ten mile "mock walk"! It's a part of the training that I am doing for the marathon on the 23rd and 24th of June. I'm doing good, the panic has subsided a bit. Sometimes I'm just doing what you have suggested, I keep putting one foot in front of the other and figure that in the end I'll end up at the finish line! By that I mean so much more than the walking, I'm just continuing to work towards... Fri, 18 May 2012 23:50:55 EST I could use some moral support and maybe a few "You Can DO It's" thrown in! Hi everyone, <BR> I am having a really hard time today. This is the first time that I have had a "Just WHAT have you done?!?" days! I joined a MARATHON!! WTH was I THINKING?! I did 10 miles on Saturday, my first in a very long time and before I was done I was thinking "Just put one foot in front of the other, you can do this"! This was after ONLY 10 miles! <BR> I have always been in awe of the people who talk about the races they join and the miles they are able to put in. When I started ... Mon, 14 May 2012 21:02:52 EST She isn't scaring me anymore, now she's just starting to P!&S me off!! Spoken by the "old me" <em>234</em> to the "new me" <em>224</em> Following is the conversation that took place between the two of them today: <BR> <BR> She opens up the front door and looks outside: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>234</em> : NO, no WAY are we going out there today! It's too cold and it's been raining off and on ALL day! And besides, the tummy is not too stable today, we can't get that far from a bathroom! <BR> <BR> <em>224</em> : Well, you could be right..... <BR> <BR>... Sat, 12 May 2012 23:10:52 EST I should be a writer! Well...maybe not....but this is good! Two similar but different scenes....this is how they go.... <BR> <BR> Scenerio #1: <BR> <BR> She opens up the front door and looks outside: "Oh crap, the clouds are moving in a lot faster than I thought they would!" She thinks: " You KNOW how it is this time of year and once it starts it won't stop for quite a while. You'll NEVER get in three and a half miles before you end up getting dumped on. And anyway you got in over seven miles yesterday and you have a rest day tomorrow and you coul... Sun, 6 May 2012 19:38:23 EST