CHESSIEKITTY's SparkPeople Blog CHESSIEKITTY's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community In Case You Figured I'd Given Up I have not. Of course, I haven't be doing that great with my plan either. <BR> <BR> Yes, my brother remains in the hospital with no answers available. So as a family, we are struggling. Since he was placed in our home, he became the center of our universe. Now the universe is skewed. My Mother and I take turns staying with him because his disability makes it difficult for the Dr's and nurses to understand. <BR> <BR> I have gained but at least I have not returned to the weight I was... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 06:12:55 EST My Family Is Struggling (Updated) <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I knew he wasn't feeling well yesterday. He didn't smile when I took him his blankie. He didn't want his bus (his favorite of all toys). He wasn't jabbering or singing (a very loud hummmmmmmm). He's so ill <em>46</em> <BR> <BR> He isn't healing. Actually, his incision area is healing but his insides are not. If anything, he is worse. A test performed on Monday evening showed distention in both the smal... Wed, 8 May 2013 06:40:12 EST Here's Why I'm Away I've received several e-mails and I just want to say <em>245</em> I've been away and <em>304</em> so very, very much for caring and for missing me! <BR> <BR> Here is one reason for my absence: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> My brother (who's handicapped) went into the hospital on April 12th and he's still there. My Mother is staying with him 24/7, even though I have repeatedly asked her to let me. She doesn't want my back to wors... Thu, 2 May 2013 15:48:25 EST Making A Return <img src=""> <BR> Yeah, I took a break. <BR> I was so obsessed with NUMBERS. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> From calorie counting and measurements to what my scale shows, I let those blasted numbers rule how I felt about myself. <BR> <BR> Don't misunderstand. <BR> I'm not "all-of-a-sudden" cured from weighing and measuring and counting. <BR> I have decided that my identity cannot be measu... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 07:05:04 EST Why Crisis Mode? Update posted at the end... <BR> <BR> I know I haven't been changing my status or blogging. But, life's mean streak decided to come crashing down. My brother is still causing great stress in both my parent's life and mine. And I thought that was bad enough. Then, on top of that, my back goes out and has stayed "out" regardless of rest, movement, medication, no medication, nothing makes a difference. <BR> And then there's this: <BR> <img src=" Wed, 13 Mar 2013 11:45:05 EST A Dark Post {{{I rarely use foul language but I have in this one. It's not much and I understand if you choose not to read it}}} <BR> <BR> Remember this? <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I can't express just how very true it really is. For some unknown reason, my back has gone out. Any position is painful and when I walk, I struggle to get to an upright position. Mostly, I just walk bent to an almost 90degree angle. This pain goes from my back down my le... Fri, 8 Mar 2013 13:03:44 EST Reflections On Sundays, I reflect on the week past. What was good? What wasn't? What could I and should I have done differently? <BR> And I think about the new week ahead. What else can I change? What should I not do again? What should I continue doing? So, here I sit. . .reflecting. <BR> <BR> I know what my ultimate goal is. I know what my very short term goal is. I'm learning how to accomplish those goals, <BR> <BR> YET <BR> <BR> I feel like <BR> <img src=" Sun, 3 Mar 2013 15:37:32 EST ice cream <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yep, that's all I got for today. <BR> <BR> AND <BR> <BR> It's calling me from the freezer! Sat, 2 Mar 2013 18:39:41 EST It's March 1st! March <BR> <BR> Comes in like a <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> and goes out like a <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> THEREFORE <BR> <BR> My wish for March is <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Let me not make stupid decisions or make poor choices. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Let m... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 08:44:28 EST Wait! Didn't I Just Say That? <img src=""> <BR> I know I recently made several statements and posted photos about being stupid. <BR> Today is good day to ask myself (since I talk to myself enough) <BR> <img src=""> <BR> The answer to that is really: No, I had a Slimfast Chocolate Royale drink. But, it might as well have been a bowl of stupid <BR> B <BR> E <BR> C <BR> A <BR> U <BR> S <B... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 21:58:45 EST Ready for Another Thought? <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Supercalifragilistic <BR> expialidocious - even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious! If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious, <BR> SUPERCALIFRAGILISTIC <BR> EXPIALIDOCIOUS! <BR> <BR> So I don't know why that song came "poppin" into my head but it has me thinking, wouldn't it wonderful to have some magic powers. Ooohhhh, I don't mean like, snap my fingers and POOF, the weight is... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:00:39 EST I've Been Thinking I've been thinking. . .and that's usually dangerous! <BR> I'm awake most of the night and get up around 4:30 so why not go ahead and exercise? So, the past two days, that's what I did. And I was very proud of myself! <BR> <img src=""> <BR> But then... <BR> B u t then. . . <BR> BUT T H E N. . . <BR> But then, as today worn on, I suppose the stressful events of last week plus my own lack of decent sleep caught up with me and suddenly,... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:49:39 EST Warning---Ranting ahead! <img src=""> <BR> There are many hard working individuals out there. I'm sure many, many, many of you are. I know, I was one. So was, wait is, my father and my brother, all my uncles, some of my aunts (who weren't stay at home mothers), and even my bestestest friend in the world. My mother was a hard working housewife who, never let it be said, sat on her butt eating bon-bons all day while my dad worked his two jobs, as a railroader ... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:09:01 EST Motivation? <img src=""> <BR> Tell the truth, you sometimes have absolutely NO motivation. <BR> <BR> I know I didn't this past week. But, with my Mother in the hospital, I could have cared less if all I had was Mt. Dews or Mt. Dew Speedway Freezes. Yep, that's what I had with the exception of 1 day that I had a Subway club sandwich. While she was in the hospital, I wasn't hungry. Plus, I figured those high calorie/high sugar drinks would tell ... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 09:50:37 EST I'm Back with Things to Do! There are so many things I have to do within the next 6 weeks. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> On April 6th, 2013 my parents will be celebrating their <img src=""> They were married on April 6th, 1963! I'm thrilled the date falls on a Saturday this year. <BR> <BR> The most important thing is to keep Mother out of the <img src=""... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 07:58:35 EST Blink and things change Today Mother was supposed to go home. Then she began having radiating chest pains, head aches, to go along with the abdominal pain. So, she's been transferred to the TCU, and is currently undergoing a test right now. Which one? Couldn't tell you. One of the blood tests showed that there is a clot "somewhere." Well, isn't that just fabulous. What part of the body is somewhere <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Fortunately, I brought the laptop today so I'm not just simply sitting here staring o... Mon, 18 Feb 2013 15:14:38 EST Weight Loss, Exercise, Mother. . . Surprisingly enough, when I got on the scale this morning, it was down. A total loss of 15lbs. I was pleased. I can't say I wasn't. But, being pleased doesn't counteract my overwhelming sense of exhaustion and worry. <BR> <BR> I have an update for those who read and commented about where I could go outside the home to get a relatively inexpensive gym membership. I checked with the college where I am an alumni. There fee is $240.00 plus an additional $50.00 must be given to the alumni ... Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:11:49 EST I'm a Rambling (Wo)Man This is one of my kitties, Charlie <img src="" <BR> He personifies how I'm feeling today. <BR> <BR> I am fasting. Not because I think it will make dropping a few pounds any easier, but because I need to BE in the moment... <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I want my mind to release my regrets, to let go of my worries, to remind myself of the good that has come from the bad. It's ver... Fri, 15 Feb 2013 12:01:44 EST In Need of Motivation Today is Valentine's Day. Ah, the smell of roses. The wafting scent of chocolate candies. Maybe a new ring. The beautifully inscribed card........WAIT......... <BR> <BR> WHO AM I KIDDING? <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I didn't get any stinking roses, or chocolates, no ring, or even a card. SIGH! <BR> <BR> I looked into a local gym membership but they don't offer any type of discounts for no income persons or persons with disabilities. So... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 22:12:14 EST The Dwarfs Explain My Life Snow White's 7 dwarfs can tell a good portion of my life. <BR> <BR> First, I am always: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I just don't sleep well anymore. This contributes to many issues! <BR> <BR> Therefore, I am: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> most of the time. Although, I have to mask that grumpiness so as to appear pleasant. <BR> <BR> If I'm not grumpy, then I'm <BR> <img src="http://p... Wed, 13 Feb 2013 08:51:55 EST New Me In Process <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It is the start of my 7th week of "making a new me." <BR> When I began this life changing journey, I was scared. <BR> Scared that I would fail... <BR> <BR> <BR> ....again. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Yet, there was also a sense of excitement. <BR> Something felt different this time. <BR> Finding SparkPeople, reading success stories, reading blog posts, seeing that people were fighting the same battle, I felt ... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 11:31:50 EST Letting It GO <img src=""> <BR> My previous blog post was supposed to show outrage against size discrimination. I think I did a fair to middlin' job of showing 2 different public figures and how they are harassed and treated for their size, how the tv does not seem to notice how wrong it is and even continues to allow it to happen. And how too many people out here in the private spectrum of whatever weight, jump on that bandwagon and say, Oh yes, h... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 16:29:54 EST Why is it still OK to publicly ridicule the obese? <img src=""> <BR> I very, very seldom allow what's going on in the political world, or in the glamorous Hollywood world to find its way into my blogs. However, this is one occasion when I am just so rankled that I have to make my own statement. <BR> <BR> First off, we have all the commotion about Chris Christie's weight. Is he obese? Why yes he is! Wow, I'm absolutely positive he KNOWS this. <BR> <BR> Yet, we have a doctor making ... Thu, 7 Feb 2013 20:29:39 EST Would you like some cheese with that wine? <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Okay, I still have a sense of humor... <BR> <BR> I promise this blog post is not going to be all about the things that are upsetting, or the things that have made me have regrets. Nope, this blog post is just to say <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Having said that, this is me today... <BR> <img src=""> <... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 10:37:07 EST Is there an App for that? So I'm still not feeling well. Still have the heat turned down, all the fans going, and wearing a tank top. So that got me thinking....... <BR> while I do not own an i-phone or i-pad, I wonder if <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Really? There's an app to make me feel better? I seriously doubt that! <BR> <BR> Sorry, I simply couldn't resist that. Too many people are overly reliant on their "smart-phones" to the point of making them dumb. ... Tue, 5 Feb 2013 20:14:11 EST Monday, Monday aka Melancholy Meanderings <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Ah, it's Monday. Reminds me of The Mamas & The Papas: <BR> da, ba da da.... ba da, ba da da.... <BR> Monday, Monday, so good to me <BR> Monday mornin', it was all I hoped it would be... <BR> ..... <BR> Monday, Monday, can't trust that day <BR> Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way <BR> Oh Monday mornin' you gave me no warnin' of what was to be... <BR> ... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 21:05:18 EST Simply Sunday I realized as I was lying here watching the game, that I hadn't blogged today. <BR> <BR> Today was an accomplishment in this journey. I have lost 11lbs. It was hard finding my footing...WAIT it IS hard finding my footing along this path. I continue to struggle even though I've learned so much. I know I still have much to learn. So while I lie here watching the Superbowl, I contemplate what I've accomplished but moreso what I MUST still accomplish in order to succeed. <BR> <BR> Sunday's ar... Sun, 3 Feb 2013 22:08:12 EST Changes? Not Yet. <img src=""> <BR> I asked my Mother while grocery shopping yesterday if she could tell ANY difference since the beginning of the year. <BR> She looked at me and slowly shook her head, "NO." <BR> "But, my pants are looser", I said. "My shirts aren't as tight", I softly said. <BR> Still, "I can't tell any difference. You look the same to me." <BR> So I simply sighed and turned back to putting my groceries up to be scanned. <BR> <BR... Sat, 2 Feb 2013 18:52:17 EST Here I Am (with pic) - One Month In <img src=""> <BR> Even though I found and started here on 12/28/12, it might have well been 1/1/13. So, I am one month in and what have I learned, what have I realized, with what I do I continue to struggle? <BR> <BR> I have learned it doesn't and won't happen overnight, no matter how many prayers I pray or how many exercises I do or how many carrots I eat. It's simply not going to happen overnight. I finally realized that an analogy... Fri, 1 Feb 2013 06:11:21 EST Almost Forgot <img src=""> <BR> <BR> As I was sitting here reveling in the calmness my big cup of hot blueberry herbal non-caffeinated tea had on me, I realized I had not blogged at all today. I'm ready to head off to bed but am not tired, just calm. I have a book in beside my bed and will read until my eyes become crossed then I'll turn out my clip-on headboard light and put the book down. <BR> <BR> I had another relatively good day today. Some ... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 20:41:43 EST Reminding Myself <img src=""> <BR> I find that I must remind myself constantly, over and over, day after day that I can do this. It is going to take time. <BR> <BR> But I DON'T WANT IT TO TAKE TIME! <BR> <BR> I'm so tired of being <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yet, I'm close to a 10lb weight loss. Close but not yet there. Now some may scoff at a lousy 10lbs, but I'm overjoyed. Already I can tell a... Wed, 30 Jan 2013 18:18:04 EST So far, so good. . .BUT <img src=""> <BR> <BR> You know, that is so true! I probably have said a bazillion times, "I don't eat all that much." And I really don't. The problem is that what I did (do?) eat is all wrong. I have so much difficulty fathoming how on earth I can fix something soooooooo good (yet soooooooo bad), and then only eat 3/4 of a cup! I'd rather not fix it at all (boo hoo hoo - I hear ya!) than only eat just a piddly little amount. <BR>... Tue, 29 Jan 2013 19:53:24 EST Not Giving Up <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've lived quite a long time wishing I was thin. I'd half-heartily go on a diet. But this is different. I've invested myself into this. I've bought the Spark book and the Spark Cookbook. I've made changes to what I eat, or have tried to, and have drastically changed what I drink. I drink more water in a day now than I drank either Mt. Dew or Sweet Tea. <BR> <BR> This journey of changing my mindset, changin... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 17:47:41 EST Mired in Questions <img src=""> <BR> I would post a lie today if I tracked my weight. Why? Well, I've already been on the scale. And, I knew what it was going to show. I knew it. I knew when I fixed and ate the Hamburger Helper Lasagna. But, I didn't want the hamburger to go to waste! Instead it went to MY WAIST! So, I decided that instead of showing a gain, I would simply not track my all...on tomorrow...not until nex... Sun, 27 Jan 2013 09:56:40 EST Quick to stay; slow to go I'm so dreading my weigh-in tomorrow! I've had a good week but somehow my body is clinging, desperately clinging to the fat and is unwilling to let it go. <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> I can't possibly have come to.... <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Oh no. I haven't reached a plateau yet. It's knowing that it's going to happen that bothers me. My best friend and I discussed this just this morning. Why is it that our bodies will cling to ... Sat, 26 Jan 2013 12:02:39 EST Found My Fun =) <img src=""> <BR> <BR> DANCING! I've always loved to dance. Although for some reason, the majority of the population seems to think that a fat person dancing is cause for ridicule. They think nothing of making rude statements. Just look at Kirstie Alley when she was on Dancing with the Stars, which I don't watch but heard the nasty, malicious comments from late night comics, to morning news anchors. Anyway, I love to dance. I even... Fri, 25 Jan 2013 11:10:56 EST Wow! That track is long! <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I was the engine. Today, I feel like I'm the caboose! Sleep was fitful and restless last night so I am seriously dragging today. I think I have gotten used to drinking only water, although I still want a Dew every now and then. I don't have them in the house but I use getting a Dew freeze as an incentive. My next Dew incentive is to allow myself to get one for watching the Super Bowl, IF I continue... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 16:46:52 EST Back on Track <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yesterday for those who read it, saw a glimpse of the inner turmoil with which I struggle. I must say, I am sorry. I was having a bad day <em>46</em> and let it out into words. <BR> <BR> But, after reading all your responses, and after ironically having slept very little last night, I am enthusiastically BACK ON TRACK. My daddy retired from the Chessie System, C&O Railroad, so I thought it fitting to use ... Wed, 23 Jan 2013 11:05:49 EST Not Fun So here's what I've been contemplating since I read and joined SparkPeople: I'm not having any fun. I'm trying, really, desperately trying to have fun making healthy living and weight loss fun. <BR> <BR> Reading the book, I've found that many people have children for which they're motivated to become healthy, that many people have a significant other for which to become healthy, and I don't fall into either of those groups. It's me. Alone. Oh sure, I have solid, wonderful, loving pare... Tue, 22 Jan 2013 14:04:32 EST That @#%*(%%$#$@ Scale <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I am one of those weight loss people who get on the scale every single day to see what number pops up. Before I would grumble and snarl. I'm trying to learn to see any gain as, " what did I do differently yesterday that has caused this?" instead of the usual grumble and snarl. <BR> <BR> I had one SparkFriend tell me to go w/o that @#$^%^*%^$% scale for a week. It was easier to give up Mt. Dew and McDonalds Swe... Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:35:24 EST Weight Loss Worries <img src=""> <BR> Okay, so today is weigh-in day for keeping track on SparkPeople. I do it daily, which maybe I shouldn't, but I'm curious to know if I'm losing. Total weight loss today, 7.2lbs. I am super excited. <BR> <BR> BUT.................. <BR> <BR> I have to admit, this last week was really hard. I was and still am not feeling well. I've given up Mt. Dew and McDonald's Sweet Tea and have been drinking water. That wasn't ... Sun, 20 Jan 2013 05:32:20 EST As the Seasons Change <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I posted this photo. I purposefully looked at it again today when I went outside. I'm so tickled by this little renegade pansy but <em>230</em> is coming in the form of lower temps than this area has had in several years. <BR> <BR> Will the pansy survive? Or will it be frozen and shrivel up and die? Today, I also noticed that my (what I grew up calling) "foot-a-nights" or what most refer to as... Sat, 19 Jan 2013 09:37:38 EST Encouragement... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> God gives me something of which to smile. <em>334</em> <BR> I've not been feeling well the past few days. And, I've been under my calorie counts but haven't lost anything. I had a bad day a couple days ago with what I ate. So I've been sort of bummed. And then I walk outside to feed the cats and in looking up, I see those pretty little flowers amidst the frozen soil and snow. <BR> <BR> It's a sign, I thi... Fri, 18 Jan 2013 17:24:46 EST It's The Crud! So yesterday was lousy. All around lousy. I ate things I shouldn't have, I didn't exercise at all even though it was a day to, and so when I got on the scale this AM, I had gained. <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> Well that's just crappy! I wanted to throw that scale out the window! <em>225</em> But, it's my fault afterall that I gained. I have to realize there's going to be 2 steps forward, 1 step backwards...or 3 wks forward and 1 day screws it up! <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> I'm still sick.... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 11:30:44 EST Sleep or eat? I've been making changes. Good ones. But those old enemies, those comforting foods, those 'well just have a little' when I know I won't have just a little, are daunting and haunting me. <BR> <BR> Today, I'm feeling rather icky. Perhaps I'm coming down with the flu? Oh, I hope not. Haven't had the flu shot, couldn't afford it. Regardless, I feel like I've been through an old-fashioned wringer washer. <BR> <BR> I think I'm hungry, but am I? What I really feel like doing is curling ... Wed, 16 Jan 2013 14:44:22 EST It's new and exciting Ah, those first few weeks when the excitement of doing something new, being with someone you think you really like, adopting a pet.... It's intoxicating. <em>250</em> <BR> Until, it's no longer new <em>39</em> , the person you think you really like turns out to be just horrible <em>18</em> , and the cat pukes in your shoe. <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Then what? Well, you could quit, stop being friends, and return the cat. <BR> <BR> And stay fat for the rest of my life <em>15</em... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 15:44:27 EST Monday Doldrums It's Monday. Well, yippee (sarcastically stated). I have so many thoughts jumbling through my head that I can't focus on any one. I start one, only to think of another, start that, think of something else, go to that and so forth and so on. <BR> <BR> What's it accomplished? Absolutely nothing! I get discouraged and plop down in my chair until my mind settles down. That's not necessarily a good thing because as I'm settling, I begin having the "Attack of the I WANT's" and well, that ai... Mon, 14 Jan 2013 14:42:26 EST Am I being unrealistic? Every New Year, most everyone makes resolutions. The top resolution being to lose weight. I have made that resolution, oh let's say, 25 years. And by Jan. 5, that resolution and any others I made are broken, making me feel like a failure year after year. <BR> <BR> And so, on Dec. 28th, I was sitting alone, as usual, contemplating life and everything that I view as failures. Always being fat as the #1 failure was what was foremost in my mind. So in hopes I typed in "free help losing weig... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 11:14:51 EST Crazy Little Thing Called FAT! Although I track my weight weekly here, I check it daily, in the morning, in whatever I wore to sleep. Yesterday, when I got on the scale, it was the exact same number as a week ago. Of course, I grumbled....A LOT! But today, I got on the scale, and I'm down 2lbs! <BR> <BR> I have watched over the past 2 years as my best friend who had lap-band surgery went from being 300+lbs to 167lbs. And I was so envious! I wanted the lap band. I wanted to be thin. I wanted people to say WOW! Al... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 06:45:59 EST 2 weeks in and NOTHING! Well, )(&$@ &&%%## )(*&&^% That's me cursing loudly. What's up with no weight loss? It's been a difficult 2 weeks! Giving up my Mt. Dew and my McDonald's Sweet Tea, changing eating habits, trying to quit smoking....and what DO I have to show for it. NOTHING <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> Okay, so I know it takes time. The body has to adjust. I'll soon see a difference. Yep, know all of that. <em>101</em> But, dang I was so hopeful today. <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> So, I'll keep at ... Fri, 11 Jan 2013 07:01:54 EST