CHEESKY's SparkPeople Blog

Trying An Idea

Mon, 8 Apr 2013 17:34:54 EST

I've got to do something.

I'm desperate!

I can't remember ever having struggled with myself this badly over food! I'm a mess - I can't seem to get it back under any kind of control! And here I am, back where I was at this exact time last year, suffering with the back-and-forth of a couple pounds. I need to do something else, because what I'm doing now isn't working.

I've decided that my best bet is to try to wean myself off of the amount of food I've been c...

Do You Ever Just...You Know...Hate Running?

Thu, 4 Apr 2013 18:43:46 EST

I hate running.

There, I said it. It's been said before, but I finally said it myself. I. Hate. Running. It sucks; it feels like I'm going to die! My lungs hurt, my legs dislike me and my feet are about ready to find some new ankles to hang out with (ha, anatomy jokes.)

But I feel like it's all really just in my head!

I never look forward to it anymore. I feel like my stamina is suffering because I just really don't like it. I want to like it. I want to fre...

Triggers

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:29:03 EST

My eating triggers were all activated at once today and I feel powerless to stop them. I was stressed since last night, when my sink decided to spew all the water from me doing the dishes onto everything in the cabinet underneath the sink (and then some.) I ended up spending half an hour cleaning up water and wondering how I was going to fix it. The gasket piece just wouldn't tighten back on. It was completely stripped. So that was awesome.

I didn't feel like I got a good night's s...

Better Than Nothing?

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 11:10:32 EST

I weighed myself every Sunday for the past 4 weeks and each week, I appeared to gain 2 lbs over the previous week.

Alarming, to say the least. 40

So this week, I stayed within all my calorie ranges and worked out 4 days. I really put a lot of effort into it, even working out yesterday when I was dead tired and just wanted to take a nap. I felt like I paid a lot more attention (than recent weeks) to my food intake and made smarter choices.

I hoppe...

Finding My Place Again

Wed, 6 Feb 2013 10:18:49 EST

This has been the story of my life the last few months. I can't believe that I've gained back 16 lbs since October. What a freakin' waste of time! Now I have to go and lose this weight a SECOND TIME, so that I can get back to where I was and try to move forward.

I'm so pissed at myself.

I've been exercising pretty regularly for the past month and I feel good about that. Despite all that effo...

Getting It Back

Wed, 9 Jan 2013 17:27:22 EST

I never thought I would actually be doing this, but sometimes, I surprise myself.

I have made a promise to myself that I WILL get back into exercising. So far, it's been difficult, since I'm terribly bored by all of my videos and DVDs. I've been having the urge to run lately, but just cannot make myself bundle up for a run outside. I am hating the cold so much more than in the past, I am simply unable to do it.

So I finally faced the fact that my only alternative was t...

Where Have You Been?

Sat, 29 Dec 2012 21:34:36 EST

I've been doing a lot of emotional eating lately. And some emotional drinking too. Maybe more than a little.

I've gained 8 lbs since October. The holidays are always hard for me, especially since this is the second year in a row I've lost a dear, wonderful grandparent right before Thanksgiving. So I've been giving myself a lot of leeway. A LOT. I made a ton of cookies, mostly to give away, but partly to munch on myself. I've allowed myself more than my fair share.

I've ...

Giving Up On Giving In

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 10:52:38 EST

I am really frustrated with myself.

I looked at my "Weight and Rewards" section today and fully realized that I haven't met a weight goal since May. At the end of May, I weighed 235. 4 months later, I am a mere 10 lbs lighter. I've lost more than that in ONE MONTH!

So what is going on? Am I really just completely overeating? This is the kind of thing that makes people desperate. I mean, really? I couldn't lose 15 lbs in the last 4 freakin' months? That really chaps me....

Sliding

Sat, 22 Sep 2012 08:40:09 EST

It's amazing how quickly we can slip off track.

I gave myself one day - ONE DAY - where I had worked all week (and did my workouts) and finally had a day off on Friday. So I told myself

"Self, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to let you sleep in! You don't have to get up at 6 or 7am and go jogging. You can just take it easy!"

And I did.

And it felt wonderful.

Apparently, too wonderful.

I set my alarm for 5:30 this ...

Life Isn't An Infomercial

Sat, 8 Sep 2012 22:27:41 EST

Does anyone else have someone in their life who constantly announces to the world about "amazing new weight loss" drugs, tactics and miracle diets?

Someone who says things to you like "Ohhh! I wish I had your willpower!" but then doesn't even try?

A friend or relative who is always telling you about this great new "diet" they're on and how they can only eat grapefruit and potato skins and have one meal a day? That skipping breakfast is actually the key to losing weight? ...

Sickness and Exercise

Fri, 7 Sep 2012 17:00:55 EST

I think this is a first for me. A first "what", I don't know!

Realization that I'm not like everyone else?
That I'm dedicated to myself?
That I'm a moron?

It's hard to say.

After feeling like butt all day Wednesday, I finally went to the clinic to get checked out. Turns out, I have strep throat. AWESOME. So they promptly put me on antibiotics and sent me on my way.

Thankfully, I already had the next day off, so I didn't have to call in ...

I'm Not Done!

Mon, 3 Sep 2012 23:10:44 EST

I would just like to say, for everyone to hear: Thank you.

A big thank you - to everyone who has supported me throughout this journey, even if only with a kind word or two. To everyone who has complimented me and taken the time to praise my progress and motivational tactics. And thank you to anyone who has sited me, publicly or privately, as a source of inspiration for their own weight loss goals.
I really and truly thank all of my friends, family and Sparkfriends for everyth...

Fancy Dresses and Fleeting Feelings

Wed, 29 Aug 2012 15:06:20 EST

My next reward to myself was supposed to be a "fancy dress." I figured, because I was 250 lbs in March and I made a deal with myself to lose 30 lbs by September 2nd (my younger brother's wedding), that it would be a good reward to have. 7 lbs from my goal and 5 days from the wedding, I am sad that I did not meet it. But there are worse things in the world than 7 stubborn pounds.

I did go out and buy a dress, though. I had to. I literally had nothing suitable in my almost barren cl...

Today's Progress

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 18:51:21 EST

Another Walking Diary entry that felt I wanted to share. (I'm thinking of renaming it to "Jogging Diary.")

YAY PROGRESS!! 334

August 13th – 16th Walk/Jog (2.45 miles)
Time: 45 minutes
Weather: Low 70’s, humid, raining

Today was about endurance and willpower. I wasn’t going to run today. It was crappy out. I wanted to stay home and do my strength training and cardio inside. What I REALLY wanted to do was put my wedding invitations tog...

Learning the Difference

Wed, 8 Aug 2012 11:48:00 EST

I think I had a little, mini, realization-break-through last night.

So I had planned on making tacos for dinner. Just tacos: meat, corn shells, lots of veggies, little bit of sour cream. I had just enough room left in my calorie count for the day for them and a little something for dessert. I was happy.

Then my fiance came home and saw me making dinner.

"Do we have any flour tortillas?"

"Yes..." (I buy small ones, for fajitas)

"Awesome. D...

Feeling Guilty

Mon, 6 Aug 2012 18:38:06 EST

I don't know how to feel proud of myself without that underlying guilt of feeling selfish and bragging. That's messed up, isn't it?

I wish I could just find the words to express how proud of myself that I am. For losing 90 lbs with good ol' diet and exercise. For passing up things that I know I shouldn't be eating and benefiting from those decisions. For not seeing running as punishment anymore. For wanting to inspire others, even if I don't necessarily think that I have.

Making Me

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 18:14:36 EST

215.

That is what I weighed when I came back from Iowa. It was the thinnest I had ever been and the least I had ever weighed, in my adult life. At the ripe old age of 19, I had hit my peak. In the next 12 years, I would shoot up another 108 lbs.

I know that it's still above what they say is a "healthy" weight for me and my height. My bone structure is small and so carrying more than the "healthy" amount of weight on me is detrimental. But I decided, back when I first st...

In and Out

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 22:57:17 EST

Things that are OUT: These are all things that I have eaten, in controlled quantities and not, in the last month. No wonder this weight isn't freaking going anywhere!

Restaurant Pizza
Fast Food Cheeseburgers
Mayo
Cakes
Pie
Cookies
Movie Candy
Extra large breakfasts
Eating Out at Restaurants (exception: Meatless Salads)
Dairy Queen Blizzards
Sonic Shakes/Ice Cream
Roasted Peanuts

Things that are IN: These are al...

Walking Diary #2

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 09:03:09 EST

I felt like I had a pretty big breakthrough today. I wanted to share it with the class. 30

July 23rd – 10th Walk/Jog (2.24 miles)

Time: 37 minutes – Early Morning

Weather: Upper 70’s, humid, warming up quickly

I planned to get up this morning and knew I needed to be quick about it, because I had to work at 9am. My power went out last night at about 8:30pm and didn’t come back on until after 11pm, which was well past the time I was planni...

Profanity and Self-Loathing

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 19:42:10 EST

I'm thinking really terrible things about myself right now. It's been a rough day. It's been one of those days where it's damn near impossible for me to see the road I've been on and only see where I've failed and how much further I have to go instead. I could blame other people for my feelings : My consultant, for not giving me as much as information about the dress as she should have. My boyfriend, for suggesting things like ice cream and dinners out all the time. My best friend, who knew s...

Walking Diary

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 16:35:04 EST

So, I've been keeping a "Walking Diary." It is definitely still in its infancy, as you will see, but I feel good about it and I like reading back on what I wrote about the time I spent outside.

This was my latest entry and I felt compelled to share it. :)

July 10th – 7th Walk/Jog (2.45 miles)

Time: 40 minutes – Mid-afternoon

Weather: Mid 80’s, nice breeze, overcast.

There was no question I was going to go out walking today. My younger bro...

Plan Of Action

Sun, 1 Jul 2012 13:38:56 EST

Well, weigh in was another disappointment.

I know the # on the scale isn't EVERYTHING, but it is SOMETHING. And if it keeps going up, I'm going undo all of this that I've worked so hard for. I feel like crying, but I won't. I'm doing this to myself and I'm the only one who can STOP doing it. It doesn't take much more than looking back through my food logs for the last couple of weeks to see what the problem is. I have been slipping BIG TIME in the eating department and even though...

Body Image

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 19:07:39 EST

I have been riding high on my new-found confidence and body image for many months now. Today, it all came crashing down and I came to a realization: I need to reign it in, because I am nowhere near done yet.

Every time I would go shopping for clothes, I would feel better and better about myself. There was a time when I refused to shop for clothes, because nothing ever fit me and I ended up feeling horrible about myself and crying in a dressing room somewhere. It was easier to just ...

Meaning of Motivation

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 19:06:32 EST

I thought, since I'm lacking motivation today, I would take the time to write down some of my favorite motivational fitness quotes and why I love them. With any luck, it might not only motivate me, but someone else as well.

"Suck it up and one day, you won't have to suck it in." - Man, I love this quote! It's short and to the point. Every time I suck in my stomach a little or straighten my back so my hips sway a bit, I think about this quote and smile to myself. Someday!

Commercials

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 17:54:36 EST

I just finished a good 55 min workout and as soon as I flipped the TV back over to cable, that stupid new Lays Potato Chip commercial was on.

I hate that commercial.

You know which one I mean? The one desecrating a perfectly good Queen song for a bag of CHIPS?! The one with the good looking brunette woman with the impossibly blue eyes, practically making out in the street with a full sized bag of Lays? I hate everything about that commercial. From the pure consumerism of...

GoT: Battle for Winterfell - Weekly Update #2

Fri, 15 Jun 2012 22:34:39 EST

I've pretty much been a huge failure this week. I've lost my accountability almost entirely and I feel completely off track.

Sadly, I think I'm going to sit the rest of the challenge out. I need to get my own goals and motivation sorted and I think focusing on the challenge goals isn't helping right now.

It's nothing personal and I wish you all the best of luck (if anyone is reading this.)

GoT: Battle for Winterfell - Weekly Update

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 11:31:14 EST

This was a really long week. I worked a lot of extra hours (and long days) because my boss is out right now. His wife gave birth to a healthy baby girl last Friday and I'm sure he's enjoying being with them. 187

However, I am completely burnt out.

Adding to my exhaustion, I seem to have come down with some sort of summer cold in the last few days. Lots of nasal congestion and coughing. Great for sleeping. 24

Complaining aside, I got a gre...

1 Year on Spark

Wed, 6 Jun 2012 21:47:59 EST

I am so ridiculously proud of myself that I could not BE more ridiculous...or proud.

My "official" start date with SparkPeople was way back in October of 2007.
I had started eating better nearly a year before that and combined with getting a job and feeling better about myself, I had lost a significant amount of weight during that time. I started Sparking to try to curb what I knew was coming and that was the inevitable crash.

I say inevitable because it always wa...

Learning the Truth

Tue, 5 Jun 2012 15:09:47 EST

So maybe everyone has been wondering what has been holding me back from running (or even walking) outside.

Maybe no one has.

I made up a lot of excuses in my head, but if we're going to be totally honest, it really came down to one thing : I didn't want people looking at me.

I learned a hard truth today -

No one is looking at you.

Are people seeing you? Perhaps. Are they paying attention to you? Most likely not, which is why you have to...

GoT: Battle for Winterfell - June Challenge

Mon, 4 Jun 2012 20:58:09 EST

This is my goal blog post for the month of June - Game of Thrones Challenge. Things I would like to accomplish this month (note: Not all weight loss related - I was told this was okay!)

-Remember any and all birthdays this month and send out cards appropriately.

-Stay within my calorie range for at least 5 days out of the week.

-Drink 8 glasses of water (or more) a day

-Lose 5 lbs by the end of June and see results in the waistline.

-Pick...

Wedding Dress and Weight Loss

Wed, 30 May 2012 09:46:24 EST

I've posted before about how I don't feel like I'm dropping "sizes" as fast as other people are. I know I've lost 90 lbs. That's awesome. But as far as my clothing goes (which, if I can't focus on the number on the scale, I have to go by how my clothes fit, right?), I don't feel that I've changed all that much.

I started out in 22/24 (3XL) shirt and a size 26 pant, which to be honest, was pushing a 28. Currently, I'm down to a size 20 (comfortably) or 18 (major muffin top, but zipp...

Chickening Out

Wed, 23 May 2012 16:53:33 EST

Ok, big news first.

MY WEDDING DRESS IS HERE! 334

I'm pretty excited about that. I can't wait to wear it! For once in my life, I'm not worried about it fitting or feeling good or even looking ok. I know that once I am in that dress, I will be just about the most beautiful girl in the whole world. If only for a few hours.

I'm feeling pretty good otherwise, too. I just wish I could get past the hang-ups I'm having about running. I'm being ridiculous....

Focus Much?

Sat, 19 May 2012 08:37:10 EST

It's hard to know what to focus on sometimes.

Sometimes, you need to back away from the scale, because it starts to take control over you and that's not good. If you focus on that number too much, it starts to consume you.

So then you focus on how your clothes fit and suddenly, you're insecure about how those pants you wore at the beginning of this thing are still fitting 6 months later. How is that possible? Shouldn't you be standing in one leg, smiling and taking a pi...

Getting Motivated

Mon, 7 May 2012 21:55:04 EST

I did something today that I should have done a long time ago. Along with my (slight) obsession with lists, I also like to plan things out. Most of the time, things don't go anywhere according to plan, especially when there's someone else involved, but that's really the law of agendas.

When I make my own plans for my own self to adhere to, it usually works out pretty well. Hence, I should have done this a long time ago.

A workout schedule.

I listed out all of...

Pep Talk

Sun, 6 May 2012 01:12:27 EST

What can I do to stop the cycle of bad food choices and uncontrolled eating?

-Stop eating out so much. There's no excuse for it. You have plenty of food at home. Eat that instead.

-Stop buying crap. If it's not in the house, you can't very well consume it as easily, can you?

-Quit eating the wrong things! You know that you should choose a salad over french fries. Stop giving yourself "passes" because you're out with friends or out "having a good time." Good t...

Being Honest

Fri, 4 May 2012 23:34:35 EST

Sometimes, your past is a lot to face and a lot to overcome. I think we can move past it, but first we have to own it. That can take a lot longer than any of us expect.

I thought back to almost a year ago (June 2011) and came up with this list. This was my normal, daily intake of food and calories. Dinner would vary, but my breakfast, lunch and snacks would invariably stay the same. It's an embarrassing list and I'm ashamed of it. But it's truth.

Breakfast: 740 calories...

More NSV (Non-Scale Victories!)

Wed, 2 May 2012 19:17:26 EST

- Being able to be comfortable at work with my shirt tucked in. I always felt like such a slob with it untucked, but couldn't bear the thought of my lower belly being seen. I don't feel like it's such a big deal now.

- The knowledge that I actually weigh less now than the weight I've been lying about for years on my driver's license.

-Almost being able to shop in a normal sized store.

Being Ready

Tue, 1 May 2012 22:30:10 EST

I gave myself a lot of 'passes' this weekend, but I'm past it and moving on. I had a good time and allowed others to have a good time and that's all that matters. Time to get back on track!

I was actually lamenting to myself earlier that I wish I had more time to work out. Is that nuts? I feel like I barely have any time to work out the way I want to (and should!) I can squeeze in 30, maybe 40 minutes, between dinner and bed. I am the least 'morning person' I've ever known, so that...

A Feel Good Recipe

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 20:26:32 EST

I wanted to share a recipe, one that I've made in the past and made again tonight. It's so easy and makes me feel comforted, but it's totally under 500 calories and it's SO good. :) I call it "Chicken a la King" but it's a pretty far cry from the creamy, condensed stuff that my mom served over toast.
I'll keep thinking, I guess. 211

Chicken a la "Something"
Serves 2
478 Calories per serving (check my tracker for other nutrition values)

6 oz Bon...

Eating Under The Influence

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 09:42:38 EST

Still struggling a little bit with my calorie goal. Why is this so hard? I wasn't teetering on the edge of 1600 calories everyday. Some days, I was struggling to eat that much! But suddenly, 200 measley calories less is a struggle.

I'm getting frustrated, but I will get things under control, one way or another.

The one thing that I'm always struggling with is eating out. Or rather, eating at someone else's discretion. Whether it's a meeting, where I don't get to choose ...

Passing Time

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 18:03:58 EST

I think I'm going to start blogging more often. If anyone is even reading this. Objections?

I didn't think so.

So today, I started off as best I could, knowing I had a meeting and wouldn't be in complete control of my afternoon meal. I ate a delicious bowl of oatmeal with a banana, my lower calorie option of the two breakfasts I enjoy regularly.

Off to the meeting, I knew there would candy dishes on the tables, as there always are, and I tried my best to stee...

Changes

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 14:18:24 EST

So it's become apparent to me that I'm slipping again. Something is not working right and I've been stuck at the same weight for a few weeks. I gained a couple pounds at the beginning of the month and can't seem to shake it. This is not good and I think I'm going to have to shake things up a bit to get it to change.

Starting tomorrow:

4 day a week workouts -30 min. each day - NO EXCUSES! 216 318

Shave off 200 calories a day to bring my dail...

Cheetos

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 23:05:31 EST

I bought Cheetos today. Just a small bag; well, the smallest they had, which was still 4 oz and fed 4 people. The top of the bag said "NEW BIGGER SIZE!" as if that's what we all need. And I certainly didn't need Cheetos. I wanted them. I haven't had Cheetos in over a year. I have no idea what came over me today. I don't totally regret eating them. I used to eat a bag a day. I only ate half of the bag I bought today, which was still technically two servings. It kind of threw my day off a bit. ...

What Can't You Give Up?

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 15:08:38 EST

I know we all have things that we're unable or very reluctant to give up, food-wise. It was hard for me at first, but now, just like all the things I read had said - I don't even crave most of them anymore.

I can pass up most things, but SOME things still stick with me, even though I know they aren't great for me and I could gain more results if I just abstained from eating them, but... Some things are harder than others. The key is maybe not cut these things from the diet, but ju...

Time To Push Myself

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 10:58:07 EST

I skipped my workout on Monday, but decided to catch up on Tuesday instead of just waiting until today (Wednesday) and do my normal workout. I ended up pushing myself to do a 3 mile high intensity walk and MAN, did my legs let me know how they felt about it all night last. 33

But.

I didn't regret it. I felt great about it afterward. I feel great about it this morning. And I've decided, it's time to leap out of my comfort zone. Time to step up and see what this...

What's Happening?

Fri, 6 Apr 2012 21:40:32 EST

So, to anyone visiting my Sparkpage, things may seem confusing. Just wanted to clear up what is going on with my weight tracker.

I am counting down 30 pounds.

I started March 1st, with exactly 30 weeks until my brother's wedding (which is 6 weeks before my own) and figured that it was a good goal to set myself. 1 lb a week. It's been 5 weeks and I've lost 10 lbs. I couldn't be happier!

I know that eventually, most likely sometime this summer, perhaps even s...

I Ran Today

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 00:10:11 EST

When I say that, I don't mean for any great distance or length of time. We were with some friends at one end of the parking lot and I had to get something out of my car at the other end of the parking lot. So I ran to get it.

I also ran back.

My keys were flopping in my pocket, my purse was flopping on my hip and I'm sure I looked ridiculous. But I was hardly as out of breath as I expected to be and felt like I could keep running indefinitely!

My first though...

Come A Long Way

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 22:00:49 EST

There was a time when I wasn't able to keep things in my house. I don't mean that I restrained myself from buying them in order to keep from eating them. That's what I do NOW.

I mean that I wasn't able to keep them in the house BECAUSE I ate the everliving crap out of them. Things like chips, cookies and specialty bread would be gone in matter of days, if they even survived the trip home from the grocery store.

I've always been a chips-and-sandwich kind of girl. There wa...

A Little Inspiration?

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 20:22:58 EST

Ugh. I feel like I've been battling myself all week. What is wrong with me? I've been skipping out on my workouts, slobbing it up when I'm home and just generally kicking my own ass, but not in a good way. 24

I found this blog post, while searching around my normal sites for some pick-me-up advice and maybe a little inspiration.

http://www.thelondoner.me/2012/01/an
ti-diet.html

I think that this is very close to what I'm doing and...

First Challenge

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 21:39:26 EST

Day 1 of my first Team Challenge -

I'm feeling a little lost. Am I calculating this all right? If so, my numbers SUCK! I guess it didn't help that I didn't eat lean meat today. In fact, I didn't eat any meat at all. It wasn't intentional. It just kind of...happened that way. I made grilled cheese and homemade tomato soup for dinner. I skipped lunch (technically) because of my dumb co-workers and because I was upset about something I shouldn't have been.

All in all, it w...