CDCSMITH2013's SparkPeople Blog CDCSMITH2013's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Reboot I think what I am dealing with, is in fact depression. It isn’t for the first time. I come from a long line of people who wrestle with it. I know the signs. Add a handful of anxiety to the mix and you’ve got yourself quite a recipe for something not very good. <BR> I look to June as a reboot. I’m going with a “fake it ‘til ya make it” approach for the most part. You see, I’ve stopped doing things that made me happy in the past. Everything just makes me feel overwhelmed. Everything. ... Wed, 1 Jun 2016 07:25:30 EST Why I ran yesterday <BR> <BR> Short version - Three years ago a 19 year old college student died because of his food allergy to peanuts. This 5K was in his memory. The funds go towards scholarships in his name and food allergy awareness. <BR> <BR> Having food allergies myself, it's scary to go to places and eat. When I was pregnant with my youngest, we had a birthday party for my middle son at a restaurant. I asked the waitress what kind of oil they use for the french fires, exp... Sun, 27 Mar 2016 08:26:36 EST 5K's are like Childbirth, except there isn't that pleasant afterglow I've done walk-a-thons as fundraisers since I was a kid when we did a March of Dimes walk on a track somewhere. I was 7 or 8 years old. This is one of the ways I try to pay it forward from before the term was common. <BR> <BR> These events have grown and many have morphed into 5K's. You can almost find one to run in every week if that is your thing. It's not exactly my thing. My plan was to run in ONE 5K, say I did it, and quit. <BR> <BR> Here's the thing. I LOATHE running. I don... Sat, 5 Mar 2016 15:15:39 EST Ah yes, February. One of my favorite months. Never been a fan of Valentine's Day. I'm one of those people who is all for a second Halloween. I do really love chocolate though and since that is synonymous with Valentine's, I accept it. ;) <BR> <BR> I'm doing okay with food and fitness even if I don't always remember to track it. I need to do something small in terms of fitness. I can't fit in the amount of time needed to do something I currently have on my goal, so I'm adding something small that should be attainable. Squats. I fr... Wed, 3 Feb 2016 08:40:13 EST Another interesting thing about the grasshopper I am not entirely sure I even got the quote exactly right. It's an oldie from The Secret Policeman's Balls (a fundraising show way back when). The guy on the park bench rattles off a bunch of annoying trivia to a guy who doesn't want any part of it. That is sort of what this blog will be. Trivia. Trivia that should impact no one other than me. <BR> <BR> C25K - Week 4 Day 1. I kicked ass. I did the thing and then added another cycle of running-walking. I was sweaty and gross, but I di... Mon, 25 Jan 2016 20:17:27 EST Self-imposed mourning is over Don't get me wrong. Just because my period of mourning is over does not make me any less sad. It's just time to shift focus. I can write about it if need be. I have actually. A little. <BR> <BR> Editing to add that I'm starting to get a tad pissed off at the number of deaths hitting so far this year. There had best be some really cool new people being born into the world to offset some of them. Mon, 18 Jan 2016 17:06:29 EST Depressing blog coming. Nothing to see here. Just rambling. Death. I'm a little weird about how I handle death at least compared to everyone I know and those I've read about. I'm okay with that. I'm weird. I do a lot of things different than most people I know. <BR> <BR> David Bowie's death has hit me harder than it should given that I didn't know the guy. I know he's dead. I get it. But it hasn't sunken in yet. It's sort of like when someone you know dies and people can't quite believe it because, "I just saw him the other day,". <BR> <BR>... Sun, 17 Jan 2016 14:56:05 EST Week 1, success and failures One step forward, two steps back. Not really, but that is sometimes how it feels when you backslide. I'm not even sure that is what I did. The week threw some stuff at me that would have made it tough to make all my goals if they were routine. The fact that many of then were not, meant the first week of the year wasn't as good in terms of goals, as it could have been. <BR> <BR> I went to the gym 3x and was able to do all the tasks of week one in C25K. A win. I'm woefully behind in week... Sun, 10 Jan 2016 10:56:42 EST The first step I suck at learning foreign languages. They are a lot like math to me in that there is some sort of disconnect between remembering/translating/speaking. I can't seem to get all three steps to work for some reason. That said, I have always wanted to speak another language. My first choice would be Gaelic (either Irish or Scottish), but there are a few issues with that. It isn't the most practical. It isn't as if there are a lot of people in New England speaking it to practice with. More ... Sun, 3 Jan 2016 11:09:39 EST First blog for me this year I actually don't have a ton to say right now. I really need to figure some stuff out. Not trying to be cryptic and there is nothing earth shattering or overly concerning. I would be more specific, but I haven't gotten that far in the process to do so yet. Things feel off and I have to figure out what is off and how to fix it. <BR> <BR> There are little things I know and can do something about. There are a couple of things I know but can do nothing about at the moment. Not everything is... Sat, 2 Jan 2016 12:11:46 EST Of NaNoWriMo, 5K's, and life in general It's November and that means National Novel Writing Month. 50,000 words in 30 days. This year is a little different for me. My writing has really taken a hit of late. I need this. I need to be pushed to write and right now, it doesn't matter if it sucks. Non-judgmental writing. I'm pulling several ideas as short stories but they all connect to one larger story. <BR> <BR> 5K stuff. The last one for the year was today. My company reimburses my entry fees up to $200/year and today's ... Sat, 7 Nov 2015 13:25:41 EST Freaking zombies Anyone who knows me even a little, knows I'm a tiny bit afraid of zombies and by a tiny bit I really mean totally freaking horrified by them. <BR> <BR> Last year, I signed up for the zombie 5K in town mostly because my sister (who runs and I don't mean like I run - she runs regularly not just for fundraising like I do). She said it will make me run faster (it did to some extent - it was my 2nd best run time). You know sometimes you try something and you decide you didn't like it, but you... Sat, 31 Oct 2015 13:56:04 EST The party I was Lady Macbeth for the annual Carter Halloween party. The plan was to start as a proper Lady, and transition to crazy. Unfortunately, my mother fell off a step ladder and broke her foot about 30 minutes before the party was set to start so I kinda went crazy before the party even started. I think I nailed crazy. Pretending to look sane (about 5 minutes after my parents left for the hospital) was a tougher sell. Instead of going crazy slowly, I had to do it in well fell swoop. <img ... Sun, 25 Oct 2015 07:38:44 EST Hey! It's working! I've been trying not to be so mean to myself - my self talk has never been kind. I Would be horrified if I every heard anyone talk to another human being the way I default to talking to myself. I routinely call myself "idiot" or "stupid girl" yet I would never name call anyone else. That is a problem. And I know it. <BR> <BR> When I first took up this running crap, I remember being so disappointed with my progress during the first run attempt outside, that I stopped listening to the musi... Fri, 2 Oct 2015 09:19:53 EST Treading water isn't a bad thing Treating water means you're not drowning. It's not always about progress. Sometimes the waves get rough and it's just a matter of keeping your head about water. There is no shame in that. <BR> <BR> For now, we are doing a fair amount of that at my house. We aren't losing ground. We're maintaining our health so far. We're keeping focus on the big picture. <BR> <BR> Tue, 29 Sep 2015 18:33:00 EST Quick updates Trying to remind myself of all the good things in my life. Feeling a bit put out and I have no reason to. Not really. <BR> <BR> Our last camping trip of the year, and generally the 2nd best one of the 5 we take, isn't going to happen. I'm more than disappointed. New Hampshire foliage and it's a campground that while I'm not a fan of the "Stepford" quality of it, it's a fun weekend for the kid. They celebrate Halloween with trick-or-treating and a costume party. I'm all about that. E... Mon, 28 Sep 2015 12:43:40 EST It's been a Rainbow Narwhal weekend <img src=""> <BR> <BR> The Rainbow Narwhals are a team of do-gooders led by my now 10 year old (he was 9 when he came up with the team name). So far we've done a 5k for School on Wheels (support services for homeless kids to keep up with school) and this weekend, we do another 5K for autism. Link: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>lCarterSmith/12th-annual-hearts--hands<BR>-walk-for-autis... Mon, 14 Sep 2015 12:28:55 EST Moving the boy to Boston Moving the boy into Boston. We’ll leave out the part that his mother, for several weeks now, has suggested that he do laundry and start to put his stuff back in the footlockers so he’ll be ready to move. Weeks. With increasing frequency. This he started on Monday. Half-heartedly. <BR> <BR> Last week he paid the money for rent and deposit, but didn’t get a key. Person he’s replacing was moving out on the 31st and he’d be getting his key. Still didn’t make me feel warm and f... Thu, 3 Sep 2015 05:39:31 EST It was Hell Glad I did it though. My friend/former boss was there and thanked me. I guess a lot of these cross fit routines are based on heroes. Today's was based on a fire fighter work out and the 15 in it was because TJ died in the year 2015. Before the routine started, the organizer gave a speech about giving up. If we feel like giving up, remember that Todd probably felt that way when he was running into a burning building. Todd probably felt like giving up during some of the more dangerous res... Sun, 30 Aug 2015 16:16:52 EST So I did a virtual 5K and tomorrow I die I know that by donating directly to the fund, more money would go to the fund. I know. But see, I saw an add for something called virtual strides last week. I clicked. There is this one that had a cool name - The Quest for the Golden Pearl. It's got a pretty medal. Pretty in the way a 4 year old girl might find it. I've been told I sometimes have the sensibilities of a 4 year old. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <... Sat, 29 Aug 2015 18:32:28 EST Choices (nothing deep here friends) I'd planned on running "the loop" yesterday after work. My husband said he wanted to go too. By want, what he really meant is that he has to do something to get back into the exercise swing and since I was running, he might as well go too. <BR> <BR> In his defense, by the time he gets home, eats a little so he's not running on an empty stomach (without eating too much), changes, it's getting pretty late in the day. I'd asked him a couple of times over the day if he was still planning on g... Fri, 28 Aug 2015 08:43:06 EST 5K history and goals I LOATHE running. Really. I have never gotten that runner's high some people talk about. The closest I've come to it is when it is done and I'm hyperventilating while I pour water into me or on me - sometimes both, and I'm just so thrilled to be DONE. But I decided to give it a shot anyway. <BR> <BR> Back in 2013 when I came back to Spark determined not to get back in that 20+ pound cycle of gaining and losing weight, I started C25K training. It went fairly well. When I finished the ... Tue, 25 Aug 2015 12:43:09 EST A quick thank you I just wanted to take a minute and thank those of you who have commented on my recent blogs. Things will work out one way or another with the boy/college/apartment stuff. Somehow, it always does. His depression (if that is what it is) - all I can do is remind him that there are options out there and encourage him to use them if he needs them. <BR> <BR> So thank you all. Your encouragement is very much appreciated. Fri, 21 Aug 2015 13:42:27 EST Parenting - the first 50 years are the hardest At least that is what my father hopes. That is one of his quotes. He bumps up that number every time I reach it. His other famous quote is, "I hate kids, especially my own." <BR> <BR> There were few things I knew with certainty when I was a kid, but I knew absolutely, I wanted to be a mom. Of course like everyone, I had no clue what that really meant, being a mom, I only had what I imagined. I'm sure a few others in the world can attest to the fact that what we imagined is often nowhe... Wed, 19 Aug 2015 10:52:13 EST The seal picture <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This was just taken with my phone. The seals weren't out very far in the water and there were just tons of them. <BR> <BR> Taken at Coast Guard Beach (Cape Cod National Seashore). Mon, 17 Aug 2015 09:11:02 EST I decided not to be a grown-up today Okay, I sort of did grown-up stuff. I got up at ungodly hour which is normal for me on a Friday, but I did this all this work week. Ungodly hour translates to 3:00am. I went to the gym and to work, but I left work 4 hours early. Why? Because the town library was doing their grand finale for the summer reading program. I had planned on taking half a day anyway. The kid would get to pick a book for finishing. There is face painting, music, games, and crafts for the kids. Except my kid ... Fri, 14 Aug 2015 20:28:02 EST The tweaked plan My new plan is very ambitious. I knew that when I made it. I don't leave a lot of spare time in my life. I'm a planner by nature (and it's my day job), so it fits into my personality type. I think I am not so much changing the plan itself. As I looked at it, I had broken it up into sections (not intentionally) that would look something like: physical well being, mental well being, and doesn't it suck to be a grown-up chores. <BR> <BR> Every day I have 3 exercise goals. Every day there ... Thu, 13 Aug 2015 05:01:56 EST Getting caught up I tried to jump a little bit ahead of the goals for today. The wake is tomorrow and the funeral Wednesday. I also have to pick up my parents from the airport Wednesday night. They've been visiting my sister in Montana. Thursday should be back to normal. Still learning how to feed my husband, but it's still new. We'll figure it out. Mon, 3 Aug 2015 19:15:23 EST My husband is officially diabetic :( Two years ago he was dx'd as pre-diabetic. He eats pretty well. He's not into a lot of carbs or sugar, with the exception to sugar in his coffee. He started to exercise and cut back on the sugar in his coffee and last year the numbers were much, much better. Not in the pre-diabetic range at all. His DR said that was great. It means he has to keep doing what he's doing (can't add the extra sugar back and stop exercising, but keep doing what he was doing). He has. <BR> <BR> He's been ha... Sat, 1 Aug 2015 08:01:43 EST Death mentioned (rambling) My work situation isn't the greatest, but it could be a whole lot worse. My immediate supervisor is clueless (I think he's getting better though) but the boss we both report to is really good. <BR> <BR> My former immediate supervisor was/is almost like family in a way. His name is Jeff. Jeff almost quit when they promoted him from a 2nd shift pipefitter/plumber, to maintenance supervisor on the day shift. He hated computers. I helped him out a lot, but he was very close to quitting. ... Thu, 30 Jul 2015 19:00:18 EST Couple of things not especially note worthy 1) I love my new plan for the most part. It's really taking care of the family stuff that throws it off. Laundry, supper, doing things for my parents while they're visiting my sister (feeding the beasts, cleaning the pool), take precious time away from the time I can devote to my plan. It ain't easy, but it's working and at least for now, I know things should improve when my parents are back. I still need to tweak the system though. I don't want my list to start becoming part of the prob... Tue, 28 Jul 2015 12:31:06 EST Week 2 of the new plan I'm doing a fantastic job with the physical part of my new plan. I haven't missed any cardio or strength training yet. <BR> <BR> The mental aspects, the reading, writing, online course, and just keeping sane, well that has been tougher. I've still managed it and gotten it all done, but it has really taken a concerted effort to. The writing has been particularly tough. Re-writing. I suck at it. I end up pulling it apart paragraph by paragraph and that takes forever to see very little ac... Mon, 20 Jul 2015 10:15:34 EST The new plan (which is still a work in progress) I have a lot of stuff I want or need to do. It's a matter of fitting it all in. I don't like the excuse/reason of "I don't have time" because if something is important enough to you, you find the time. Besides, sleep is overrated. (kidding - mostly). <BR> <BR> The first thing I did is decide what was most important to me. In no particular order I decided: reading, writing, learning, family - which means doing things for the family like cooking and laundry. I loathe working out, but I kn... Wed, 15 Jul 2015 10:46:36 EST Vacation 2015 in pictures All in all, it was a nice vacation. My niece (she'll be 14 next month) joined us for a few days. It was nice having her there. The kid got to have someone (not a parent) to interact with. I think it was good for my niece as well. she's at that age when she has to play it cool and because the kid is so much younger (4 years), she got to do "kid stuff" under the premise of doing it for Dylan. <BR> <BR> My parents took the kids on a whale watch first - they saw tons of them, including a nu... Tue, 14 Jul 2015 04:48:34 EST Something's gotta give I set rather high standards for myself and I tend to be very unforgiving if I don't achieve them. I think I'm ready to admit that I may just have too much on my plate and that means deciding to either let something go or maybe lower my expectations. No matter how logical, it still feels like giving up. <BR> <BR> Taking a class while working full time, raising a family and doing the "stuff" that entails on top of trying to work on a re-write/research, getting in exercise, reading (it's an... Tue, 19 May 2015 05:57:16 EST A short blog about books My husband thinks I am addicted to books. I'm not. I could stop collecting and reading them at any time (perhaps not until after my vision and ability to hear was taken away and maybe not even then). <BR> <BR> I have 8 books in progress at the moment. Eight. It's not all my fault though. See, there is this place that lets me "shop" for books (library). They're free. All I have to do is go to the website, log on, and tell them what books I want to read. They send me an email when they ... Wed, 13 May 2015 05:54:04 EST Rainbow Narwhals - a tribe of many colors My 9 year old has this thing for "Rainbow Narwhals". I don't have any idea where the concept came from. He thinks it might be his own. He thinks it was a response to unicorns and rainbows. He likes narwhals and why shouldn't they have rainbows too? <BR> <BR> So whenever he has the chance to use the name for a team, he does. His basketball team this past winter for example. All through the season, the boys called themselves Rainbow Narwhals. That is until the championship game and th... Fri, 8 May 2015 10:22:14 EST Why I haven't been blogging much (all excuses) To say I’ve been lax with blogging would be a tiny bit of an understatement. I’ve had a few things going that have impacted setting time aside to write much about what is going on in my life. Truth be told, when things are going spectacularly well, there is plenty of incentive to blog. It feels good telling people about progress in whatever way it happens to have manifested. When things are going less than stellar it’s easier because of the need for support. When things are just pl... Tue, 5 May 2015 12:42:40 EST A different sort of challenge for me There was an article about self talk and how when we start life style change, we're all gung-ho, but after a while, we start talking to ourselves, putting us down because we slip or lose our enthusiasm. <BR> <BR> My situation is a bit different. I've been maintaining for a while now. But I am not very nice to myself. I am downright evil. Out loud, I must call myself, "idiot!" dozens of times. The internal dialogues aren't fit to print. Not quite sure how I'm going to solve this problem... Tue, 31 Mar 2015 18:51:56 EST Not much of a blog I took a photos of myself today. The swelling is almost completely gone now so this is pretty accurate to the "end result" the surgeon was expecting. I guess it takes some people as long as a year, so I was ahead of the curve. He said I still may see some minor changes in the coming months, but nothing major. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I signed up for an online class that is work, but I am learning. I have trouble engaging in ... Thu, 26 Mar 2015 12:31:54 EST A couple of things occured to me today Three. Three things occurred to me today. <BR> <BR> 1) I survived my first day back at the gym. Not quite at the level I left at, but I'll get there. I'd thought about adding 2 more days a week to the gym. I might eventually, but not this week. Nope. Not gonna do it. <BR> <BR> 2) I don't have any photos of myself that actually show my face since the swelling is down to almost nothing. I should probably do something about that. <BR> <BR> 3) People have been amazingly supportive and... Mon, 23 Mar 2015 20:01:20 EST What's that word I'm looking for? Insane? I know I'm starting to feel better now. I can tell because I'm restless. My mother has episodes of restlessness. They were more intense when she was younger. It's physical for her. She has to escape. She would drive to Provincetown (the very end of Cape Cod) which before route 495 was built would be a 2-1/2 hour drive. She would walk around on the beach for a couple of hours, drive home, and be fine. Sometimes she would drive to the area around Newport, RI and do the same. She needed... Sun, 22 Mar 2015 07:39:38 EST Getting back into a routine while procrastinating As of yesterday, I was cleared to start working out again. I've decided to hold off until next week to do so however. My old routine, the one I want to get back, I went to the gym before work on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I don't like starting "new" mid-week, but more importantly, I need to leave work early Friday to meet with the surgeon so to offset taking half a day out, I'll come in early the rest of the week. <BR> <BR> Instead, I will plan a routine once I get back to the gym. ... Wed, 18 Mar 2015 07:42:53 EST Things I need to remember (post-op) March 17th is the big day for restrictions being lifted. This is when I can start working out again, lifting, and trying food that requires more chewing effort - sandwiches, chicken, an attempt at steak. <BR> <BR> I ate some egg salad yesterday and I figure as long as I can use my tongue and roof of my mouth to make the pieces small enough to swallow without choking, I can attempt similar constancies in other foods, hence my attempt at fish and chips tonight. I may not be able to eat the o... Sat, 7 Mar 2015 07:31:23 EST March 1st - reflections on February February was a kind of big deal for me. We had one snow storm after another with no melting in between. Almost 100 inches of snow all told. I love the snow, but I was worried about it interfering with my scheduled jaw surgery (It didn't) and I wasn't allowed to shovel or play in it, so I could only enjoy it for the view. <BR> <BR> Surgery. The surgery finally took place on February 2nd. At some point, I should write out what the hospital process was like because post-op and ICU are inte... Sun, 1 Mar 2015 08:21:01 EST Wired shut for at least one more week. It's snowing again. There are leaks in the kitchen and bathroom downstairs. Ice dams on the roof line there. <BR> <BR> Visited with the surgeon who assisted my DR during surgery. My DR got called out of state for a family emergency. Short version of the visit: <BR> <BR> 1. Can't drive until the vision gets better. Vision issues can be from any number of things - anesthesia, swelling, blood loss, being thin. I was told the best thing to do is push water. At least 10 cups a day to ge... Wed, 11 Feb 2015 12:20:49 EST More snow pictures Well, we've gotten a bit more snow. No school for the kid today or tomorrow. More snow coming Thursday and Sunday. With highs in the teens, there won't be much melting. It's unbelievable how much snow there is. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Mon, 9 Feb 2015 19:44:32 EST Post-op stuff Let's start with the snow in the driveway. It's snowing again now and is supposed to go on for a few days, dropping another foot (or more) by Monday. There is no place to put more snow. <img src=""> <BR> <BR> My face is getting less swollen by the day, but it's still worse in the morning. This is sort of a day by day look. <BR> <img src=""> We'll call this day one. <BR> <BR> <im... Sat, 7 Feb 2015 12:33:13 EST Super Bowl Sunday ~ Last day before surgery (and perhaps another snow storm) This is a quick one today. For those not following my "saga", I am having jaw surgery tomorrow. I've known I've needed this for a while (I've needed the surgery longer than I have not needed it - I was 19 when I found out my jaw wasn't aligned properly and I'll be 46 this month). <BR> <BR> At 19, unless there is something you have to deal with, you tend to put things off. I waited to do something about my jaw until my teeth started to fall apart. I was told I'd needed braces for 9-12 mon... Sun, 1 Feb 2015 14:33:47 EST Photos of what I'm stocking up on for post-op I won't show pictures of the liquid diet items, but I'll give you an inventory none the less. One of my problems is food allergies, particularly to corn, so all Ensure products are off the table so to speak. I've managed to get 18 protein drinks, lots of fruit and veggie drinks, chicken broth, and beef broth. <BR> <BR> Now for the fun stuff. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Ripper Street. I don't watch a lot of television, but I... Sun, 4 Jan 2015 18:39:58 EST