CCKELLY3's SparkPeople Blog CCKELLY3's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Grateful for the good days! And article link to dancing yourself happy The last week or so I've felt like my old self- I have energy and I feel better and stronger --albeit stiffer-- the day after a workout instead of feeling like death warmed over. It's been chilly and I'm learning to adjust to biking in the cold, who'd have thought I'd need all those layers when I'm pedaling at a good pace? But without that extra insulation I carried all those years, my poor body is still having a strong reaction to the cold. Cold? Heck it's only been in the 40's-- for Roc... Mon, 4 Oct 2010 03:46:18 EST Fat cells do more than just store fat. A LOT more. A friend sent me this article from the Huffington Post yesterday. He knows about the health issues and the deep fatigue I've been dealing with since the weight loss and thought perhaps I'd find some answers, or at least some hope, in this article. Per my usual, it seems to have left me with more questions. :) <BR> <BR> Seems fat cells not only aren't just inert storage receptacles, they are an intricate component of the immune system and have a sophisticated communication system using hor... Fri, 1 Oct 2010 00:49:24 EST Scale crossed back over 200 lbs today!! It said 204lbs!!...but don't worry, it wasn't just me! I was holding my hybrid bike so I could see how much it weighs. :D <BR> Had you going there a minute, now didn't I! Turns out that sweet puppy of mine weighs almost 40lbs! <BR> <BR> So why exactly was I weighing my bike you ask? Well you see, today as I was riding back from class I was forced to hop a curb when a truck got a bit too close and in doing so I popped my front tire. A bit annoying but I'm rather used to it, it's part of... Thu, 23 Sep 2010 23:10:22 EST When the warrior has to stop fighting & learn to make peace This isn't my typical blog post, I'll be honest about that right now. Normally, I like to blog about lessons I've learned and events or ideas I've gleaned on this journey which I think-- and hope-- will be applicable to others, like you, and help you on your journey. We're in this together and it's by sharing that we all do better. <BR> <BR> I don't have anything to share right now though, I haven't for awhile which explains the dearth of blog entries of late. Okay, I've been very busy ... Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:51:26 EST Looking in the mirror who do you see? It's been awhile since I've had a chance to write; it's been a very busy summer. I continue to find that the tools and discipline I learned in my weight loss and health journey apply to so many other areas of my life-- I'm slowly but steadily learning how to view my goals and dreams as a marathon, not a series of sprints. That I spent my life racing like a wild-woman at all sorts of things in the short-term, basically running myself to exhaustion with little to show for it, was one of thos... Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:39:50 EST Defeating emotional eating- Living Both Sides of The Golden Rule A good portion of a successful journey to healthy living and weight loss is learning to understand the triggers that throw you off course. Those moments where you want to make a good choice, a choice true to yourself and your long term goals, but the desires and needs of the moment are screaming like an angry two year old and you struggle to find the strength to stay the course. <BR> <BR> Much of the dirty work in my journey to being healthy has been recognizing and addressing these trigger... Sun, 27 Jun 2010 16:38:22 EST Is the work worth it if you don't get results you want? I was trying to write a quick supportive note to a spark buddy who has been doing her exercise and several healthy habits, has gotten quite good at them, but still isn't seeing much in the way of weight loss. A lot of people would get discouraged in working hard, doing things right but still not seeing the results they want. That's understandable, I mean, we do this for a reason, and if that reason isn't happening then what's the point, right? <BR> <BR> Or is that right? Then it occurred... Thu, 3 Jun 2010 23:05:06 EST Still learning: making space for success in my life Several years into this journey to a healthier me and I'm still learning. Today I really saw the importance of being gentle and compassionate with myself in my times of weakness and perceived failure. A few minutes of conscious self-compassion can make all the difference on how successful I will be for the rest of the day in all my life goals - from healthful eating to exercise to career and relationships. <BR> <BR> To give you a picture, the last 10 days have been unusually hectic and b... Tue, 11 May 2010 03:26:17 EST Found another tool today to stay Car-FREE without sacrificing mobility when needed. QUESTION- Does anyone know how I can post a button using code on my blog or Sparkpage? I've got a great button that links to a promotion I'd like to share, but can't get the code to post. Help? <BR> <BR> Okay, anyway... <BR> I discovered a car-share program here in Rochester, it's in it's nascent phase here with only 6 cars in the fleet, but luckily, the University that I moved right next to last summer is the epicenter of this car-share project for our town! A friend in the show I'm doing... Wed, 28 Apr 2010 01:57:41 EST Struggling with the whole maitaining & resting on my laurels thing Well, I decided I didn't trust that cheap analog scale I bought that weighed me in so far below what I thought my weight was, and it didn't align with the numbers on my Dr. scale either. So I returned it and got a digital scale. The good news, I'm still below my goal weight. The bad news, I'm not really in the low 160's. Okay, that's not so bad news, I never really believed it and I fudged the number up a bit from what that analog scale said on my weigh-in progress here on Spark. So I fee... Tue, 27 Apr 2010 02:37:45 EST Training for the marathon when I was born a sprinter?? Does anyone else here struggle with doing too much? If you do, I'd really like your tips on how you honestly evaluate which days it is in your best interest to do less? <BR> <BR> For myself, I don't like feeling weak and in my journey I've discovered that any day I feel a little under the weather, a little overused or just really exhausted and weak is usually the day I will push the heck out of myself to do more. Twisted, I know, but I do. <BR> <BR> Today is one of those days. I woke... Wed, 14 Apr 2010 16:38:02 EST oh I'm gonna regret posting this, ain't I? ;) Let me see if I can get this link working. Choreographing the big HOE-DOWN dance Number! <link><BR>425873971267 </link> <BR> <BR> For those of you who didn't know, one of my end goals in getting healthy and back to a healthier weight was so I could return to one of my great joys-- dance. I LOVE to dance. When I agreed to join on the cast of The Brother's O'Toole, I was told they'd try to work in a couple parody songs for me to sing and play my geeta... Fri, 9 Apr 2010 00:32:40 EST Check-in on a few things and pics of the new bike Okay, couple things just want to catch you all up on around here. <BR> <BR> Turns out, yes, I do have a sinus infection. Started antibiotics yesterday so hopefully this deep fatigue will pass. It's good to know what is causing this. However, wow, try doing dance turns across a stage with a sinus infection throwing your balance just slightly off kilter....LOL...not to mention, this is NOT the time to attempt to learn to do a handstand. Wow, talk about altered states of reality when you ar... Thu, 8 Apr 2010 16:17:25 EST Naming my fears & making myself accountable to you all I need to do something drastic tonight to keep myself safe from a binge that is trying to lure me in. I need to do it, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough cause it goes against all my old survival coping strategies and it requires me facing head on and charging through some very deeply rooted anxieties. I'm hoping that by writing it here, but making it public, I will make it impossible for me to try to sweep under the rug and ignore, and thus escape doing it. I'm not even sure it's the right... Wed, 7 Apr 2010 02:05:46 EST New Bicycle! Yesterday the long awaited bike finally came home with me! It's a Trek 7000, which is an entry level hybrid, so it can handle roads and well groomed trails ans such. I will admit I have been extremely hesitant to 'get on board' the biking train, because of pain issues I experienced when last I tried cycling about 10-15 years back. At that time we tried every option we knew of, such as gel seat covers, to help with the bruising and pain, but nothing helped. This memory is what has kept me f... Sat, 3 Apr 2010 10:16:56 EST Day of Silence Quick touch in to talk about how this discipline of getting healthy and losing weight has influenced and taught me to take better care of myself all around. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I had a slightly sore throat but had spent the night before in loud bars talking while quite drunk so just assumed it was over-use. Nope. Early this morning, it hurt so much to swallow that doing so woke me from a deep sleep several times. Still hoped it was just dry throat since the furnace had been on for the fi... Wed, 24 Mar 2010 23:29:18 EST An Irish Spark Blessing Happy St. Patty's Day to you all!!!! Hope you are enjoying the Luck 'o the Irish spark today! <BR> <BR> We had a glorious, glorious spring day and I couldn't be more grateful. It was a tough day for me as I'm still fighting with the insurance company about the settlement over my stolen car. Their latest mishap is so absurd I swear it is almost funny. Except my whole life since January has been dealing with ineptitude and people who aren't fully honest and yet don't keep good notes l... Wed, 17 Mar 2010 22:32:14 EST Sunshine makes ALL the difference A quick touch in to tell you we're getting a glimpse of spring here in Rochester. It's amazing what a few days of sunshine, blue skies and temperatures in the mid-40's will do for a town that has been clutched in the cold grasp of a frigid, bleak winter. Whew, this year was COLD! The past few days, walking my errands is a joy, something I look forward to and moreso because the people I pass on the street are looking up, meeting the eyes of stranger and...wait, what was that I saw...could it... Tue, 9 Mar 2010 23:01:39 EST You think I'd learn by now There are some lessons I just need to keep learning it seems. Cardio is a mood lifter, the more blue and tired I feel, the more I NEED it and the more I will notice it's benefits when I've done it including a sense of accomplishment, some well-deserved rest from worried "mind noise" and not least of all, a sharper mind to go back to work and finally, a mood boost. I will feel better if I just DO IT. I KNOW this. I get it. I live it. And yet I still have days it takes every bit of will I h... Tue, 2 Mar 2010 23:42:40 EST How losing the weight has saved my life this winter My life without a car continues as my insurance piles one screw-up after another in this never-ending battle to total out the car that was stolen on Jan 3. But that's neither here nor there, how this relates to my Spark Journey is I'm SOOO grateful I am fit and healthy and able to walk again. And that I started walking with gusto this past summer, because hoofin' it has become a daily fact of life in my world. And in what has been one of our coldest and continually snowy winters in many a... Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:17:46 EST Time to get off the pity potty Let's see if I can make this brief. Yeah, right. :) Cause brevity is my strong point. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I've been doing some thinking since my last blog post and it's time to stop moaning and wailing and flailing. As my dear Spark Friend Royaltbone so clearly illuminated, I'm a recovering perfectionist and I somehow always manage to find something about myself to blame for, and maybe account for, my insecurities. I am an open person and even an extrovert, but I don't necessarily let a l... Wed, 10 Feb 2010 23:54:36 EST Struggles & Life Lessons: When doing it alone no longer does it I'm way overdue for a blog update, I know. It's not for lack of trying, I've started to write a few times and find myself slugging through a quagmire of emotions which causes convoluted phrases even I couldn't decipher. I refuse to unleash that on you. :) <BR> <BR> Normally I prefer to write once I’m on the other side of a problem, when I've either reached the light or at least confident the dark tunnel is soon to recede completely. I wish I could say I was in that place. It's been a lo... Wed, 3 Feb 2010 17:06:54 EST Happy Holidays everyone! To all my Spark Friends, may you have a wonderful and FUNderful holiday season. <BR> <BR> Tonight I'm waiting up for Santa :) Santa had lilies delivered earlier today...isn't there just something about a man who sends flowers AHEAD of the date? ;) So while I don't have a chimney, I DO have some fine aged cheese, gourmet crackers and even a few sweet treats awaiting and I'm being extra-special good until he arrives. <BR> <BR> May your Christmas & Yule dreams-- or whichever holiday you ... Thu, 24 Dec 2009 19:35:44 EST Party foods- to food journal or not to? I'm having a bit of a connundrum I'm sure all of you have faced, so maybe you'll have some good ideas. <BR> <BR> This year I have several holiday parties and gatherings I need to attend, and I want to attend as well. I want to enjoy the parties, and one of the best things is that I get to splurge and eat food I didn't have to make. Now last year, I was so focused on weight loss I stayed assiduously faithful to only foods I could correctly estimate and were on "my plan". But I've learned t... Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:10:45 EST Oddities & still no scale for me :( Okay I wrote a blog entry earlier and today is one of those weird days, all sorts of strange things are happening. The latest was to my blog post. <BR> I was typing away, almost done with a typically verbose edition of what was meant to be a 'brief update' and feeling pretty good about it when suddenly, it started fading. I don't mean it deleted, just the blog entry window faded away and vanished during about 2-3 seconds. Then it was gone. huh??? No trace of it existed anywhere in my s... Tue, 8 Dec 2009 22:00:07 EST Article Links to Dealing with depression & 4 Kinds of Friends You Need Two articles worth reading. They aren't about weight loss but they are about getting healthy on the inside. I found them worth pondering and applicable to my current path in my healthy journey. Feel free to discuss your ideas of them in my comments or email me. <BR> <BR> 1. 11 Ways to Deal with the Death Thoughts of Depression and Anxiety. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>0/my-doctors-orders-11-ways-to-t.html?<BR>source=NEWSLETTER&nlsource=54&ppc=&utm<BR>_campa... Sat, 5 Dec 2009 01:21:03 EST What do you do when you're almost to your goal? It's been awhile since I've written. Okay, it's been a long while. <BR> <BR> I wish I could say things are really good now, or at least significantly better but I cling to optimism that this is a statement I will be able to make soon. Right now, I'm still struggling. <BR> <BR> Do you ever get those times, where even the easy things in life just come a little harder? For instance, the main road between me and, well, everything such as grocery shopping, errands, the gym could easily be r... Wed, 2 Dec 2009 00:28:04 EST Withstanding depression and not giving up It seems I spoke a bit too soon. I'm going through one of those "aha!" periods where things I've remembered and stuff from my childhood is coming into focus, thanks yet again to a renewed period of flashbacks. I'm fairly positive a lot of this is related to all the attention I've been receiving since losing the weight, and some unwanted male attention; I struggle with saying no but not wanting to be 'too rude' about it and I know that's out of my past. On top of that, some other memories r... Tue, 22 Sep 2009 21:07:14 EST Survival in the hard times This past week was hell. I apologize for the word, but it's the most applicable to the emotional state and the external circumstances I was mucking my way through. I'm not going to candy coat it, I was as down as I've been in a couple years. Lots of crap was happening, stress from work, stress from family, people I care about being distant for no reason. and then the pain of having lost the last rescue cat, and to top it off, like a cherry that toppled the sundae, some of my old demons fro... Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:22:26 EST Worried sick over missing rescue cat Mamushka The news is pretty dire. Due to my schedule and the cost of gas trekking back and forth daily to the old place just blowing my budget, I'd left the feeding of my last two rescue cats to some trusted neighbors who've fed them in the past when I was out of town. So the cats know these neigbors, and had been hanging around watching them already, asking for food since I've moved. Since all the neighbors who had seen Mamuska and Whiskas all reported they were quite gaunt and Mushka didn't look ... Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:17:42 EST Personal Training class at gym and what singing does for the cardiovascular system Thanks ladies for the comments on my previous blog post. The physical training class I had at Planet Fitness yesterday was informative; only two of us or the 5 signed up actually showed, so we received more personal attention and a nice pace. However, since this is the mandatory introduction class it turned out to be more of a basics review for me than what I'd hoped, actually designing a personal program--which the name of the class "Design a personal Workout program"--suggested. <BR> <... Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:37:51 EST Crossed a Milestone I went to the gym today to partake of a free personal training class they offer to work with a trainer in a small group to develop a workout program. This was to reward myself for having successfully pushed through a very difficult last couple weeks, and when one of my music partners and I realized we needed to do a rehearsal tonight due to scheduling difficulities, I almost backed out of the class to work. However, I realized, lately I've been cutting out sleep and my little joys so that I... Wed, 9 Sep 2009 23:46:16 EST Pirate Fest, the cats still to be rescued and other misadventures 1st day of pirate festival is over. Still have to make the long haul tomorrow, so I'm really hoping to sleep well tonight. Nerves before a show always makes sleep so much more crucial. We had some issues working with my new amp system, but nothing major, just glitches that annoy my inner detail person to tears. But hey, you learn by doing. At least some wise soul told me that once and right now I'm holding onto it like a life preserver. :) My costume looked good and a couple people fro... Sat, 5 Sep 2009 23:22:43 EST Striving to be average Okay, I never realized what a speedy chow-hound I am, especially when I'm REALLY hungry. I can really shovel that food into my mouth at rates which, if the housing market could keep pace with me downing a salad, the recession would have ended already. Whew! <BR> <BR> I've spent the last couple days working on my little steps listed in the last blog entry I'm hoping will get me 'back on my game' despite the most demanding schedule I've had in ages. So far, getting back to eating every 3... Tue, 1 Sep 2009 22:13:20 EST Getting back on track My schedule is all wonky and my life is upended from everything going on, and it's been taking it's toll on my healthy habits. I'm slowly leaning back toward old habits of skipping meals, eating one or two BIG meals, and doing less concentrated exercise, which even having an active day can't make up for. <BR> <BR> So I'm going to focus on a few tricks this week that help me get myself back in line, and a couple new ones I've read about and just tried the past two days (and they do seem to ... Sun, 30 Aug 2009 23:58:49 EST Struggling but refusing to let fear, or old habits, rule me I've got to make this quick since I'm techincally supposed to be prepping for my show tonight, but I've wanted to capture my current situation on my blog for some days now, and when there's time, there's no brain-power due to exhaustion, and when there's brain-power, there's at least 3 other urgent projects screaming for attention. Sigh. Seems success is as stressful as slow times, just in a different way. <BR> <BR> I'm doing okay but I'm really struggling. My body is slowly recovering ... Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:54:28 EST Shameless blogging for points This is a shameless posting on my blog for one reason only, I have 3 points, 3 little itty bitty points to my 15,000 spark points and my next trophy! I could have posted to the message boards or read an article or even played trivia questions, but NO! Instead, I am blogging for points. Blog, blog, blog. Point, point, point...15,000 trophy! <BR> <BR> Or I could have gone to bed. THAT would have been the smart thing since I'm so exhausted my eyes burn. But hey, who ever lived their life ... Thu, 6 Aug 2009 05:34:21 EST I can do summer street festivals again and so much more (aka The Freedom to be able to walk) I needed to do promotions for my radio station today at our Park Avenue Festival, one of our biggest annual street festivals. It's only a couple miles from my current home, and parking anywhere within a mile or two of the festival is a headache or expensive, or both. <BR> <BR> The cops are notorious for ticketing and towing cars parked even an inch or two out of bounds on-street --I'm told it's a huge revenue generator for the city, yippeee--- and the small private parking lots know they ... Sat, 1 Aug 2009 19:26:25 EST Exhausted I may be limited in the next couple weeks with blogging and Spark. Actually just about everything not mandatory is getting cut back. The move is coming closer and while I'm really happy about the idea of being out of here, right now all the work to get there is just crashing around me like a stormy sea; I am having serious doubts how I'll get through this and stay on top of all the music I have to learn, the radio show and all my other obligations. I've never moved while working before and ... Wed, 29 Jul 2009 23:12:42 EST Trying not to beat myself up and look at the good choices I made Today is one of those days where I'm really having to work at seeing what I did right, instead of obsessing over how I could have done better, belaboring in my mind all the little things and ways I fell short and basically tearing myself up inside over not being perfect yet. <BR> <BR> It was an odd day. It was a successful and productive day. I got a lot done today. And yet in one place I really screwed up, my eating and taking care of myself. <BR> <BR> I had a full schedule but woke up... Tue, 28 Jul 2009 02:10:31 EST Question that I've been wondering about... Okay, I've been trying to write a couple different topics for my blog lately and seem to be getting weighed down in the details. They are just ponderously long or they meander so that by the end, I've even forgotten what my original topic was, so I've been saving them to word files and getting back to packing and practicing and all the various tasks hanging over my head with impending deadlines about to fall on me. whew. No wonder I can't write. <BR> <BR> But I have a question and maybe s... Mon, 27 Jul 2009 00:21:51 EST It's the climb Right now I have so many huge, life-filling projects on my plate I marvel at the end of each day that I manage to take small but noticeable bites out of most of them. Writing a "pat yourself on the back" list is one of the best tricks I've ever found. When I start to feel overwhelmed and feel I'm never going to get it all done on time, I write a list of what I did do that day and check it off the master "to Do" list, and I have tangible proof of my progress. Great anxiety reliever. <BR> ... Wed, 22 Jul 2009 21:49:26 EST The opportunities in new beginnings. I've been working on a blog post on and off all day. It's a tough day here and now I realize I'm PMS'ing on top of everything else. Bleh! I have enough restless energy to start things, but the attention span of a gnat, so not a lot is getting finished. <BR> <BR> And I'm also having a few of those days where I seem to be having a confluence of necessary items being used up just at the worst possible time. The milk container empty with my first cup of coffee. The DVD player dies just whe... Fri, 17 Jul 2009 22:45:14 EST To Indulge or Not to Indulge & reframing how I think about things This is a good, quick and painless introduction into two of the common approaches to dealing with compulsive eating, which is driven by psychological and biological needs, also know as food addiction. <BR> -- I apologize in advance, I don't know how to include a hyperlink on this blogging platform, if anyone knows, please do leave directions in my comments! Thanks. <BR> <BR> <BR> It's on Psychology Today called "To Indulge or Not To Indulge" <BR> <BR> Tue, 14 Jul 2009 21:06:40 EST How to defeat mindless eating & binge eating Oddly enough, lately I find I'm writing some of my best ideas when I'm adding a helpful comment to other people's blogs requesting help. As I'm trying to answer in a couple of succinct lines-- which of course, all of you know is nigh-on impossible for little ole' verbose me--I find myself tapping down ways I've been achieving success that I didn't even realize I was doing. I suppose my good habits have become so deeply ingrained that now they're instincts. I do THEM mindlessly, instead of... Mon, 6 Jul 2009 21:41:51 EST Things that change...Reflecting back on my very 1st SparkBirthday. Today is my 1st Spark Birthday. Yessir, it was one year ago today I discovered Spark and actively started changing my life the SparkPeople way. <BR> <BR> I'd been well on the road to change already, having spent a couple years finding the right physical therapy for my injury, re-addressing my eating disorder with a counselor and going through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy training before I was cleared by my Doctors to start thinking about "dieting" again. Then I signed on with a Nutrit... Sun, 5 Jul 2009 01:29:45 EST I clicked it. Okay. Did it. Now once the panic breathing passes I should be just fine. gasp...gasp...wheeze...anyone have a really big paper bag????!!!! <BR> <BR> If you want to know what in the heck I'm talking about, you'll just have to go read my previous blog post. I'm still dealing with the fact I clicked the darn thing...and the 3 confirmation screens of "are you still sure you'd like to move to the next stage or stay where you are" trauma to talk about this anymore tonight. But I did it. By jo... Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:33:08 EST It's time I have a confession. It's a bit shameful. Please don't be too shocked. <BR> <BR> I am procrastinating making the transition from stage 3 to stage 4. I have been since January. I just noticed that after my weigh in at the Doctor's office today, I am less than 4 pounds away from being 75% of the way to my total goal weight loss of 148 pounds. I've lost 108 pounds and I'm still recycling through stage 3, so nervous that I can't possibly be ready for Stage 4. I don't know why this contin... Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:40:22 EST It's Shake-n-bake Spark, and I helped!!! DiamondFooler is a fellow, local Sparker I am feeling very proud of today. <BR> <BR> She and I have been acquaintances for a couple years, as she often hosts some wonderful community gatherings and bonfires out at her horse farm outside of Rochester. I was lucky to enjoy one back in the beginning of this past May, and I had the privilege of introducing her to SparkPeople. Now I've introduced a few people to Spark, but this lady has really taken off and is just soaring with success. <B... Sat, 27 Jun 2009 16:09:39 EST Without Power- or living the simple life What a weird day. <BR> <BR> I woke up to a power outage thanks to a lightening strike, and spent the day cut off from the world. I'd already packed up the one corded phone to my landline, since I rarely use it, and of course, all the cordless phones don't work sans electricity. Neither does computer or cooking appliances. Or fans for that matter. Luckily I had a couple self-heating coffees I use for camping leftover and my mulberry bush was just dripping with ripe fruit. Breakfast is ... Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:13:41 EST