CATDUG19's SparkPeople Blog CATDUG19's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community A New Haircut and a New Attitude!! So I finally did it, I got my haircut and I love it! <BR> <BR> I will post pictures soon but right now my computer is not letting me upload. <BR> <BR> I let my long suffering hairdresser and friend do what she has wanted to do for soooooo long. <BR> <BR> I love it and I don't miss the old me. I was styling my hair this morning and I was looking at my my reflection in the mirror and I didn't see the old sad fat girl. <BR> <BR> I am not that fat girl anymore, I am a vibrant, intelligent,... Fri, 9 Nov 2012 13:37:17 EST The True Scare of Halloween I have four kids and we are a fanatic Halloween family!! We love this Holiday! We over decorate our house, we make great costumes and we trick or treat for lots of candy. <BR> <BR> <BR> So needless to say the thought of Halloween this year was very scary. I was very honest with myself and looked at what i have done in years past. I ate a lot of candy. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> here I am last year with my fabulous kids. N... Tue, 30 Oct 2012 22:40:07 EST Time to Cut the Hair So I have always had LONG hair!! It has been my best friend, shield, my secruity, my salvation for many years. No matter how big I got I thought my long hair disguised that additional weight! <BR> <BR> No it did not! I would see pictures of myself and think what the hell was I trying to do, no one was fooled by hair down past my bum. My bum was still huge! <BR> <BR> Now my bum is smaller, my body is much smaller but my hair is still very very very long. <BR> <BR> A friend of mine sug... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 11:29:04 EST Staying Motivated Once you get close to goal!! So I have had a great year so far, lost 93 pounds, new job, lots of new energy!!! <BR> <BR> Everything is perfect right......wrong!! <BR> <BR> One thing I have learned is I will never be perfect I never want to be. The reason i am writing is betcasue staying motivated when you start looking and feeling great is harder than when i was huge!!! <BR> <BR> For the past three weeks I have not been pushing myself as I should be...WHY? When I was huge my motivation came from seeing how i looked ... Tue, 23 Oct 2012 17:30:14 EST Friday Fun I cleaned out my closet!! I am now only working one job and it is part time. For a while I felt guilty about not working full time while my hubby is working more than full time. <BR> <BR> What I feel now is I am working!! <BR> <BR> On my days off I take care of our home, make meals for the children for the nights I am not here. The most important thing I do is take care of me!! <BR> <BR> Today I went for a bike ride after putting all the kids on the bus. I then cleaned out my closet. I have perged three bag... Fri, 12 Oct 2012 11:21:39 EST I almost got picked up by a man! Okay so I will say this right out of the gate, this is a bragging blog!! <BR> <BR> Today I put on my new size 10 dress in a gorgeous turquoise colour. I bought the dress as a gift to myself for losing 90 pounds. It is the kind of dress that shows all the curves in a classy way. I was very nervous to wear it because there is NO hiding in that dress. <BR> <BR> I went to work and received lots of nice complements which is always a boost to your confidence. But the funniest thing happened w... Thu, 4 Oct 2012 16:33:17 EST First time Kickboxing! In my effort to stay motivated, excited and energized I went to my first kickboxing class last night. <BR> <BR> It was one full hour of intense punching, kicking, sweating and squats. <BR> <BR> I did high kicks, punches and lunges until I could not move another muscle. I walked out of the class with my head held high and sweat rolling down all over me. <BR> <BR> When I first got to the class I was a little intimidated when I saw so many 'fit' people. My anxiety rose when I noticed a lo... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 13:52:18 EST A great weekend and no cheating! We just came home from a great weekend at our trailer park. I once again pre-planned all my foods and the funniest thing happened IT WORKED!! <BR> <BR> I ate what I was suppose to! On saturday we had an early Thanksgiving potluck and even with all the food on the buffet I still was able to eat a sensible but scrumptious plate of turkey, brussel sprouts, carrots and a little gravy. After dinner my hubby and I went for a very fast long walk to work off whatever extras we ate (including some... Mon, 1 Oct 2012 13:40:46 EST A Sisters love So I have mentioned a few times that I am the oldest in my family with two younger sisters. I love my sisters but as any of you with sisters can attest to we don't always get along. <BR> <BR> My whole family is obese, and that is definitely not something to be proud of. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Here I am three years ago with Em at her grad. <BR> <BR> When I started this weight loss journey I had to pull back from my family and frie... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 09:29:08 EST A Boot Camp Virgin no more. As a treat for losing 90 pounds I sent myself to my friend’s boot camp class. My good friend Carole has been bugging me for over six months to join her at her boot camp. I was not interested in going somewhere I would feel terrible about myself because I knew I was not in good enough shape to be able to keep up. <BR> <BR> Okay I know what you’re thinking. Wouldn’t going to this class help in losing weight? Answer yes but in my warped sense of thinking I was not good enough to go to the... Tue, 25 Sep 2012 12:08:31 EST 90 pounds down and celebrating This morning I followed my routine. <BR> <BR> I woke up (now I do this without hitting snooze 15 times) <BR> I did a little Yoga in front of my mirror closet door (hard but very necessary to my self esteem) <BR> Next I hit the washroom and the scale........scale told me 184!! That is 90 pounds lighter than nine months ago!! <BR> I stood on my scale in shock..... <BR> <BR> Really 90 pounds, really! How is this possible? <BR> <BR> Accountability! That's what does it, I track my food, w... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 07:46:25 EST Running with the Devil! <BR> Sorry for the title but I am a huge Van Halen fan and I thought with this blog being about me running for the first time it was appropriate. <BR> <BR> I have been on Sparks people long enough now to read so many wonderful blogs about the beauty of running. Running to me was a mountain I had never attempted to climb. It was my last block. The last thing I would never be able to do… <BR> <BR> For 36 years I have avoided at all costs running!! I hated it, I had my period in high scho... Wed, 19 Sep 2012 09:53:37 EST Why did I stay fat for so long? Easy question right, NO. <BR> <BR> Why was I fat? Why did I stay fat? <BR> <BR> I write this knowing I still have more weight to lose but I am so happy to be where I am right now. I am for the first time as an adult comfortable to be in my skin. <BR> <BR> The more I think about this the more I wonder. Losing weight is easy, <BR> eat less + move more=lose weight. <BR> <BR> It’s not hard to understand but it is so HARD to do. WHY? I have lost 84 pounds and it really does get eas... Wed, 5 Sep 2012 16:02:44 EST Playing baseball and life lessons Playing baseball again for the first time in over 15 years! Last night we celebrated the end of my 12 year old daughter’s (Willow) baseball season by having a team again the parents ball game. <BR> <BR> Willow’s coach called me two weeks ago to ask me to join the team. At first I was scared! I use to be a ball player. I started when I was 6 and played until I was 16. I stopped at 16 because I had piled on a lot of weight and was too embarrassed to play. I hated giving up ball but I ju... Wed, 29 Aug 2012 09:20:47 EST Cutting myself some slack and trying new things! Cutting myself some slack and trying new things! <BR> <BR> In the past few bad attempts at losing weight I went into the journey trying for PERFECTION. Well that was so stupid. I had an all or nothing mentality and that is so not the way for success. If I slipped up I gave up. <BR> <BR> <BR> This time I have started by making a list of what do I want out of my life. A healthy lifestyle with a body I can be proud of. I had to cut myself some slack. I am a 36 year old Mom of 4 children... Tue, 28 Aug 2012 16:41:18 EST Perspective is Amazing! Taking a minute to stop and appreciate what I have. <BR> I went for a bike ride last night with my kids. Every one of them are healthy, happy and amazing. While I peddled beside my 6 year old Wally I watched him push himself to keep up with his older brothers. The pure joy of biking was all over his face in the biggest smile ever. <BR> <BR> Sometimes I find myself not enjoying my bike rides in the morning on my way to work. I will now have to remind myself of what Wally looks like wh... Thu, 23 Aug 2012 13:58:14 EST Give yourself an Ego Boost Last night I went to my favourite Zumba class for the first time in three months. For the pass three months every tuesday and thursday found me at a local soccer field with one of sons or on a baseball field with one of my other three children. Some nights it was a scheduling nightmare. Anyways I was super excited to go back to class after having three months of doing my Zumba Xbox game by myself. I love the X box game and I totally recommend it. It helped me gain the confidence I needed... Wed, 22 Aug 2012 13:47:44 EST Am I Crazy? So while watching tv last night I broke down crying during an episode of Batman. Earlier I broke down crying while cutting the grass. Why all the crying all of a sudden? <BR> <BR> After years of suppressing my emotions they have found me. I am so happy but still sad so is this crazy? <BR> <BR> how can you be this happy and sad at the same time? <BR> <BR> My sadness comes from being scared I would lose this battle. I am so scared I will wake up fat again. I am scares I will give up on ... Tue, 21 Aug 2012 16:14:59 EST 80 pounds down! Including before and after pictures I hit another milestones today I am 80 pounds down!! I got off the scale sat on my toliet and cried. Tears of joy, happiness, fustration, sadness everything. <BR> <BR> This journey is by far the hardest thing I have ever done but so worth it. I am really living life now, not just watching it pass my by. I know I no longer embarras my children (not the kids at any of them ever mentioned it) My youngest Wally aged 6 has asked a few times Mom why are you so big? In that honest way that you... Mon, 20 Aug 2012 09:17:36 EST From Obese to Normal Sized and trying to accept it! More soul searching ahead people so I have warned you. <BR> <BR> I started my journey on Dec 15, 2011 weighting in at 274- I was shocked at my weight, I knew I was big but not that big. Of course I had not been on a scale for a very long time. <BR> <BR> Eight months later I am 195 !! It has been a very hard fought battle that I am now starting to feel successful. <BR> <BR> Right now I have been having a really hard time seeing my face in the mirror. Not for the same reason as b... Fri, 17 Aug 2012 10:22:52 EST Why am I fat! Here's a very hard question I have finally been trying to answer. <BR> <BR> For too many years I used too many excuses, I am BIG boned, I have a big chest, I come from big people. <BR> <BR> In the past couple of months I have finally been really looking at why am I fat? I don't have all the answer's but what I have so far is I felt like I deserved to be fat. Sounds weird eh? <BR> <BR> When I was at my heaviest (274 lbs) people saw a funny, happy mom of four who was the life of the party... Tue, 14 Aug 2012 15:28:09 EST What use to be so hard seems so easy now In an effort to celebrate my successes along my journey of weight loss I have been reflecting on what changes I have noticed. <BR> <BR> Ever notice when you lose weight people want to know how you did it ( like there is a magic pill) and what changes I have noticed. <BR> <BR> Anyways on reflection I have noticed a lot of changes that are not just my looks(but I am very happy with how I look to). <BR> <BR> The biggest change I have noticed is the lack of pain!! I use to ache a lot, my back... Sat, 11 Aug 2012 01:10:19 EST Not Losing Weight Fast Enough I was so happy almost two weeks ago when I hit the magical Oneunderland!! So why am I not as happy now? <BR> <BR> Why can I never be happy with the slow and steady progress I am making? Have I watched too many extreme weight loss shows. Those people in about an hour loss 100 pounds so why can't I? <BR> <BR> Yesterday I ran into a friend at the local grocery store, she has been overweight all her life and was one of my best buddies, until I started to change my lifestyles. She is a great... Wed, 8 Aug 2012 13:57:21 EST Working out While Camping It was a beautiful civic long weekend in Canada. My family and I spent it at our trailer out in the middle of nowhere. We have always been campers but in past years camping was a combination of constant snacking and buffet gorging. This year we parked our trailer in a park near NOTHING!! My major rule for camping is NO CHIPS!! The kids hate this but I cannot be trusted near chips, they call to me, from wherever they are hiding. <BR> <BR> Maybe one day I will have the willpower to be abl... Tue, 7 Aug 2012 11:15:23 EST The Olympics Workout <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I will admit I am an Olympic obsessive fan. I have always been a bigger fan of the Winter Olympics than the Summer Olympics but I am not totally addicted to the Summer Olympics. <BR> <BR> WHY? <BR> <BR> Maybe because I have been doing some of the activities that our Olympic sports. Last night I watched our Canadian men row to a silver medal finish and I thought of my little row boat and how much fun I have be... Thu, 2 Aug 2012 09:53:14 EST My New Clothes I wore my new suit today to work. It's a size 12 black pencil skirt and a black and blue sleeveless blouse with a thin patent black leather belt. I walked into my office with a whole new bounce in my step. I have had three co-workers go crazy when they saw me. One told me it was about time I bought some smaller clothes. <BR> <BR> I hate to say the clothes make the person but they do, and today my clothes have made a confident, stylish and put together woman. <BR> <BR> My hubby picked ou... Wed, 1 Aug 2012 10:39:31 EST Clothes Shopping!! Today my hubby and I spent the day shopping for new clothes. It was a blast. i tried on probably over $5000 in clothes I ended up buying a new suit for work. <BR> <BR> I discovered I am now a size 12!! I can not believe it I am a 12!! Every store had clothes that would fit me. It was a huge change from shopping in a couple of big woman stores. <BR> <BR> The biggest change I have found is the clothes are much more youthful. When you shop in the extra large women stores the style are ve... Thu, 26 Jul 2012 23:12:07 EST Pregnancy Scare!!! So I will admit I have been keeping something back for the past two months. I was scared I was pregnant again!! We have four wonderful children and I think four is more than enough. <BR> <BR> Long story short my special monthly friend did not show up last month. I was panicked. All this work and not I was looking at gaining huge amounts of weight for a new baby (this happened the past four times all my fault not the babies) <BR> <BR> I hit a plateau and I was sure I was pregnant. I was... Wed, 25 Jul 2012 14:17:54 EST I need a new BRA!! Okay so sorry but blog will get a little personal. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have large breasts. I always have. At 12 my first bra was a 36 C. I was so embarrassed and my Mom god bless her, love to tell everyone about it. My Mom is small chested and so are both of my younger sisters. It has been a running joke that Catherine got all the boobs. I had to wear white lunch lady bras that looked terrible (cone shaped) I dreaded wh... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 10:23:15 EST Dealing with Overweight Family Memebers So i recently posted that I got to Oneunderland!! I am so proud of that but also a little worried that I may start to roll back now. <BR> <BR> During this long journey i have had those negative voices in the back of my head saying, oooooo <BR> Catherine you are going to gain back this weight, you will cheat yourself, you will never make it!! <BR> <BR> All the time I have been pushing myself to be positive and push myself physically I have had these negative thoughts. <BR> <BR> I had a s... Mon, 23 Jul 2012 11:19:21 EST 2underland!!!! OMG After three weeks of being stuck at 203 the unthinkable has happened the weight fell off!! <BR> <BR> <BR> I weighted in today at an amazing 198!! I am in One underland or two underland!! <BR> <BR> Now of course this didn't just happen I have exercised everyday in some fashion, (bike riding, swimming, Zumba, golf and yoga) <BR> <BR> I have also being very very good about my eating which as we all know is very hard during summer vacation season. <BR> <BR> We were in a golf tournamen... Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:19:47 EST I Quit my Toxic job!! In the last couple of months I knew it was time to say goodbye to my toxic work environment. I have posted a couple of blogs about my boss from h%ll. I don't want to revisit all that crap I want to focus on the real reason for keeping that job. <BR> <BR> I felt I was not worth any more than that. <BR> <BR> I put up with the toxic environment and all the micromanaging because I didn't believe in me. <BR> <BR> I would go to this job knowing it was going to be a rough day emotionally. Eve... Tue, 17 Jul 2012 09:29:13 EST Magic Mike Part Two So we went to see Magic Mike last night!! <BR> <BR> I mentioned I coordinated a group of friends to go together to see this movie. If any of you have not seen this movie...GO and take friends and have a blast we did. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> We started at a pub with a round of two of drinks ( I had pre planned for one drink so i was within calorie intake) we then had a nice dinner. Picture four women aged 36 to 42 acting lik... Sat, 14 Jul 2012 09:49:37 EST 2 pounds down thank god After three weeks of no weight lost it finally happened. <BR> <BR> I weigh myself through the week but it is my my Friday weighing that counts. By last wednesday I was down by 1 pound. That felt so great!! Then I got on the scale friday morning and then there was 1 pound gone. <BR> <BR> What a relief!! <BR> <BR> I was not ready to throw in towel but I was dam close. It is so hard to be good when you don't see weight loss. I was like a drug addict, I was addicted to the lost, I crave i... Sat, 14 Jul 2012 09:20:33 EST Three Weeks of NO weight loss!!! To start I will not B8llsh*t anyone. I have not lost even one pound in the past three weeks!!! <BR> <BR> Why..... <BR> <BR> I have been cheating myself. No I have not been binging, but I have let myself down with a few orders of French fries at a fry truck, too many drinks one night and not doing enough exercise. <BR> <BR> Up until three weeks ago I was losing about 2 pounds a week and I was doing great. I felt great and I was looking great. Then I hit 70 pounds down and sub-consciousl... Wed, 11 Jul 2012 12:28:31 EST Crazy Boss part 2 For those who read my Crazy Boss blog understand the stress I was under yesterday. <BR> <BR> This morning while getting ready for working at my good job my crazy boss called my house at 7am!! <BR> <BR> What was the emergency?? Funny you should ask that because that is exactly what I asked. This left the poor woman a little confessed. <BR> <BR> Me "Is this an emergency?" <BR> Her"UM what do you mean by emergency?" <BR> ME"This is the fourth call in two days so I am assuming that there is ... Tue, 10 Jul 2012 11:12:40 EST CRAZY BOSS Warning I am venting!! <BR> <BR> So here is the situation. I have two part time jobs both in the not for profit field. One place is great, very supportive very fun and I get lots of things done and they have a healthy work/lifestyle balance. The other place is HELL!! <BR> <BR> I have now worked in HELL for 2 + years with a boss that is most probably an alien!! She micro manages the place into the ground and the staff eat junk food all day long. <BR> <BR> Last year as part of getting ... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 16:29:20 EST Magic Mike I did something this week I never do........ <BR> <BR> I invited some friends to go to the movies. WOW mind shattering eh? Well for me it is. I have had all these self doubts and abused myself for years with thoughts that I wasn't worth a night out with friends. So putting a night together like this is huge for me. So I asked four friends to join me to see Magic Mike this thursday night for a dinner and a movie night. One of my friends has invited four of her friends so now I have to ... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 11:43:26 EST Sex That got your attention eh? <BR> <BR> I will start by saying I will not get graphic or too personal. I married my high school sweetheart (we met when we were 15). <BR> <BR> 15 years of marriage and four kids later we still enjoy each other. <BR> <BR> For the past ten years my weight has been sabotaging our love life. My husband is truly the sweetest and he was always re-ensuring me he thought I was beautiful. The problem was ME! I hated how I looked so I didn't want him to see me. <BR>... Thu, 5 Jul 2012 15:51:34 EST Hot and Humid I am not going to ask if it is hot enough for you out there. It's a stupid question. <BR> <BR> Today is by far the hottest and the most humid we have had this summer. I woke up had my breakfast on my deck and almost talked myself out of my morning bike ride. I ride to work its about 30 minute ride and I really enjoy it. As I was pedalling and sweating I thought about what last summer was like... <BR> <BR> I was sweating just sitting (and I did a lot of that). My poor abused obese bo... Wed, 4 Jul 2012 10:40:06 EST Obesity and Pain Obese- what a small word for such a large and complex problem. <BR> <BR> I was (and still technically am) obese and have been for the last ten years of my life. I used to laugh and make jokes at my own expense to cover my pain!! <BR> <BR> PAIN is everywhere when you are obese. Your feet, legs, knees and back all ache from the added weight I put on my body. We live in a constant pain where everything is a struggle. <BR> <BR> I use to have trouble getting out of bed, getting out of my bat... Tue, 3 Jul 2012 15:42:37 EST Canada Day long weekend is here... It is the friday of our Canada Day long weekend (for my american friends its like the 4th of July weekend). <BR> <BR> I am sitting here after finishing all the packing for our long weekend camping trip. <BR> <BR> Camping, ya well we have a trailer with a working bathroom because I am a wimp and I like to sleep on a mattress and have a flush toliet. <BR> <BR> Anyways I am refexting on camping trips in the past. Last year (and the last 10 years) we have gone camping in New York State. We w... Fri, 29 Jun 2012 09:42:42 EST 1 week at the same weight!! Last week I steped on the scale and hit 204 pounds which for me means 70 pounds lost, I was jumping up and down ( I can do that now) <BR> <BR> This morning I week later I stepped on my scale and it said 204 and I was bummed out...WHY? <BR> <BR> How can 1 week change what a great accomplishment I have hit. Those old negative thoughts tried to creep back in <BR> "Catherine you are failing, <BR> Catherine you know you will always be fat, <BR> Why are you still working out and eating right... Fri, 29 Jun 2012 09:01:38 EST An AHA moment! For the past 6 months I have forced myself to wake up and take ten minutes to stretch and flex. <BR> <BR> I live in a 70s style house which the redneck I married thinks is in fashion so there is no taking into doing any renos. Why is that important well in our bedroom we have two huge floor to ceiling mirrored closet doors! I have always hated these doors. For years they would reflect a sad. old looking fat woman!! <BR> <BR> Personally I have always had trouble looking at myself in t... Thu, 28 Jun 2012 09:44:08 EST What the Scale told me! I started my day as I always to do I got on the scale. The scale told me 204 and so much more. <BR> <BR> The scale told me.... <BR> * I was still 70 pounds down <BR> * That I am doing the right stuff <BR> * I am making progress <BR> * I am winning this fight to remake my life <BR> * that I am worth all this hard work <BR> * I can make my goal weight <BR> *I am a success <BR> * that having fun does not require gaining weight <BR> * I can be happy and drink all my water <BR> <BR> I then cont... Wed, 27 Jun 2012 11:27:45 EST Coping Still Without Food! So after a very long couple of days I have discovered I can deal with feelings without food!! <BR> <BR> <BR> Journalising and blogging help a lot because it makes me think about what is the real issues. I also have found focusing on the positive aspect of my life really helps bring me through. I am so blessed! I woke up 1 hour before my alarm and before I did some xbox Zumba I stood at the end of each of my children's bed. They keep me so strong and motivated. They are my legacy, my pr... Tue, 26 Jun 2012 12:44:33 EST Still Feeling Feelings Yesterday my Father in Law suffered a major heart attack. He is stable but not out of the woods yet. Four days ago a very good friend had a very bad car accident with her children and sadly her 8 year old girl did not make it..... <BR> <BR> I am not posting this for sympathy. I just need to post so I can deal with this in a way without food. <BR> <BR> I am an emotional eater!! I have had major binges because clothes didn't fit or my husband didn't come home on time. So have two major ... Mon, 25 Jun 2012 07:27:52 EST Facing Tragedies without food!! This week has been the hardest I think I have ever gone through. We have had two very sad, upsetting family loses in the past four days. This my seem unfeeling but I am going to focus this blog on getting through these moments without food. <BR> <BR> In the past I ate through my disappointments, the loss of a grandparent and many other of my life's hard spots. <BR> <BR> My world was rocked last thursday and it was all I could NOT to sabotage my journey. I kept hearing an old but all to... Sun, 24 Jun 2012 22:44:34 EST What does losing 70 pounds feel like! Well that is a somewhat easy question to answer. Losing 70 pounds feels great. I feel successful and beautiful. But I was feeling that at 25 pounds, 30 pounds and 50 pounds, because my most important thing I have learned during this process is you have to change your thought patterns. <BR> <BR> At 274 pounds I was mad at the world and myself. I would see skinny woman and say to myself "look at that b*&H, she thinks she is so hot" I would then pig out on junk food to ease my unhappiness.... Fri, 22 Jun 2012 11:51:14 EST ZUMBA!! So what is Zumba, many of you know some do not so I will tell you. Zumba is a dance class that does wonders for weight loss. It is extremely easy on knees and backs for those of us carrying a lot of extra weight that make traditional exercise very very painful. <BR> <BR> Six months ago I FORCED myself to go to one class. My self esteem was low and I was very fragile. The instructor ( a very small gorgeous blond) was fantastic she ran the class in a very fun easy going way. After that ... Thu, 21 Jun 2012 11:27:50 EST