CAROLYNL8E's SparkPeople Blog CAROLYNL8E's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Back for another try - Day 1 I have had so many restarts on this website, but I had a scare with possible kidney problems (protein in my kidneys). My dad's side of the family have had serious kidney problems and I don't want to follow in their footsteps. Just went to the diabetic clinic today (I have type 2 diabetes) and was given "the talk" about exercising and losing weight so I decided to start tracking my food again as of today, and I am going to start exercising regularly as of now. I have been scared sufficientl... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 15:01:13 EST Check out my bipolar life Life is certainly interesting. I have started my own blog.<BR>/ Tue, 25 Mar 2014 22:18:50 EST do your best and forget the rest that is a quote from Tony Horton, creator of the P90X workout program. After reading his new book I have had to re-examine why I want to change my lifestyle and lose weight. Before it was just to look great (which is still one of my whys) but now I want to do a complete lifestyle change and lose about 60 lbs because I want to be alive to see my grandchildren, and to be able to enjoy life more with my husband and daughter. When they go out to do something, I stay at home because I can not ... Sat, 8 Mar 2014 12:04:56 EST pressure from another weightloss site I joined another weightloss site, because I had one of their videos. I won't say the name, but all I wanted was some help, and all I get is pressured to by shakes, suppliments, and tons of other things. All I want is support doing their video. I'm not interested in shakes and suppliments. I prefer getting my nutrition naturally. The reason I liked this website is that you get a one on one coach who corresponds with you constantly. He seems like a nice guy, but he's just trying to make a... Fri, 6 Dec 2013 11:22:45 EST Strive for progress not perfection I read the title of this blog in a fitness magazine. I am a perfectionist, and if I don't think I can do it just right, I won't do it at all. That includes eating healthy, staying within my calorie range, and especially exercising. I have this image in my head of what I want to end up looking like, and it looks like I expect to have some "perfect" fitness model body that has been photoshopped in fitness magazines. This particular quote that I read really got to me. "Strive for progress n... Thu, 7 Nov 2013 14:29:20 EST It's been a long time coming I ran across my weightloss scrapbook for the first time in a long time. I made it to put inspirational pictures and inspirational sayings in it to motivate me to change my lifestyle to one of exercise, healthy eating, and liking myself. A few days ago I looked at the cover of my scrapbook and saw the title, "Weightloss Journal 2010". I made it four years ago, and I saw my before picture. In four years I am exactly 20 lbs lighter. I have spent four years for 20 lbs. I'll take it gladly, b... Sat, 19 Oct 2013 14:49:35 EST Happy Thanksgiving! What I'm thankful for I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend with friends and family. <BR> <BR> Things I am thankful for: <BR> <BR> 1. that I am alive to celebrate another holiday. Almost died back in 2006 <BR> 2, although I have a few issues, I am thankful for my health <BR> 3. thankful for my loving family and friends <BR> 4. thankful for Spark and my spark friends who support me on a regular basis and make this weightloss journey so much more enjoyable and easier <em>636</em> <em>429</em> Sun, 13 Oct 2013 12:09:21 EST SO BORED At this very moment I am typing with one hand. my left wristis in a cast and my6 left hand is useless. I'm not one to like exercise, but since I'm not allowed to jump up and down or flail my arms around all because of wrist surgery I have really started to miss exercise. Fisrt time ever saying that. I'm so bored that I'm eating too much. I am making the most of some of my time by planning how I will get back into exercising once this ridiculous cast is off. I had planned to start Richar... Sat, 5 Oct 2013 16:19:50 EST day 57- where did my New Years resolutions go? I looked at my new years resolutions for this year today, and wow the year has gone so fast. We're in the last quarter of the year already. Have I accomplished any of my LONG list of resolutions. I haven't even touched on my resolutions for this year yet. I feel like I have failed myself again for another year, yet I still have 3 months to go. I won't reach my goal weight as I hoped this year, and I won't be exercising at the intensity I planned on by the end of the year. I hope I can at ... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 10:30:20 EST day 56 - Feeling like a whale I put on 2 lbs this week just from emotional eating. This last month has been a disastrous month exercise and food wise for me. I have been trying to figure out why and I think it came out when I was talking to a good friend that I met on Spark. I was visiting my inlaws just over a month ago when my husband's sisters were complaining about how fat they were, and what kind of crazy fad diet they were going to try next. (They don't really need to lose any weight but they could lose 5-10 lbs ... Sun, 29 Sep 2013 15:52:16 EST For me, it's all about the journey - Day 55 I have been re-examining why I am having so much trouble with weightloss. I have an all or nothing attitude. I have a goal number in sight and any number on the scale other than that number just isn't good enough. I have 55 lbs to lose and it's going to be a long process. I have realized that for me it's not about the end number, it's about the highs and lows along the way. Success is not a number at the end of it all, success is the highs along the way that make you feel good about your... Sat, 28 Sep 2013 11:27:23 EST day 54 - How serious am I about this? The scale just won't co-operate lately. Actually is me who has not been co-operating lately. I stopped counting calories a while ago, and I've gained a little bit of weight, but have definitely not gone down in weight. I'm eating things I shouldn't eat, and seem ambivalent about my irresponsible eating habits as of late. How serious am I about losing this weight? Have I been exercising? Only once a week. My excuse as of late is that I'm waiting for an exercise program to come through th... Fri, 27 Sep 2013 09:41:38 EST Day 50 - Monday September 23 I've had some setbacks lately. Depression has hit for the last little while, so the last month was a bit of a wash. Sometimes I swear for every step forward I take 2 steps back. But, not this time. I'm back to logging my food as of today, and just trying to survive the rest of the day without binge eating. I know that the depression will end eventually, so I will just be patient and gentle with myself. Exercise eludes me at this time, but I'm just not up to it right now. Maybe some cor... Mon, 23 Sep 2013 16:31:43 EST Goals! - Day 38 My previous goals have all been to reach a point where I am skinny. Now I trying to reach a point where I'm healthy. Instead of a long term goal of 128 lbs (haven't been that in 17 years) I'm looking at something much more important for me. Reducing my meds for several illness I have, especially my insulin for my diabetes. I want to decrease my insulin by 50% within a year. I've already been able to reduce my morning insulin by that goal. Now with exercise and eating healthy I want to l... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 14:44:08 EST Identity crisis 2, day 38 Thanks to the great spark people who responded to my last blog. You made me feel that I should not try to label myself, or put myself into some kind of box just to feel like I have an identity. I will continue with eating mostly vegetarian. Who knows how it will turn out? But I will not label myself. Especially with my Bipolar disorder and so on. As one spark person put it "labels are for soup cans". We must strive to be our own unique individual. For me that is someone who is loving ... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 09:47:43 EST Identity Crisis I've been trying very hard to become a vegetarian. I don't think I'm meant to be one. Why did I want to become one? I love animals, and eating that way does make me feel better but I feel like I'm trying to add a more favourable label to my person. I am barraged with labels. OCD, Bipolar, Depressed, Fat (that comes from my husband's family indirectly), and lazy. A label I put on myself. I feel like a failure because I have failed at everything I have every tried - University (my illnes... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 11:13:55 EST Day 26 - This is it! Exercise time School starts again Tuesday! Woohoo! I've been feeling like a fish out of water without being on a schedule for the past two months. Now that my daughter starts school again I will be up early and ready for the day with no excuses to exercise. I always find excuses not to exercise when I wake up late. "no time, it's too late in the day" etc. No more excuses. If you read my day 23 blog you will know that I recently learned to love my body just the way it is. It doesn't mean that I don't... Fri, 30 Aug 2013 16:58:49 EST How I learned to love my body - This is it - Day 23 I read an article on spark people in the motivation section and it talked about getting angry over influence that have caused me to hate my body and looks so much. <BR> I reflected on the article and remembered back to when I was a little girl and used to compare myself to my Barbie doll. Not a good comparison. Who looks like that anyways? <BR> At least not without liposuction. I honestly expected that that was how I would look when I was grown up. I have now realized that God gave me my ... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 18:39:10 EST This is it - I'm getting tired of this - Day 20 I had a family crisis this week. My mom was in the hospital, so weightloss went out the door, and was substituted with emotional eating. In the beginning of this year I swore to myself that I would be out of plus size clothes by now, but no. I can't even fit into some of my fall plus size clothes, and have to go out and buy a couple of things to get me by. Disappointment doesn't begin to cover it. I am tired of failing. Lack of exercise, laziness and depression all ball up into one huge... Sat, 24 Aug 2013 15:36:11 EST How do you motivate yourself to exercise? day 13 - This is it This week I lost 1.5 lbs. Woohoo! I'm challenging myself to lose 2 lbs next week. I won't be able to do it on diet alone though. I do walk on Mondays with a friend, but I need to do more exercise. I am not good at pushing myself. Part of it is laziness, part depression, and part living in a world of haze and fog due to being on soooo many different meds. I see the doctor next week to discuss easing off of the meds a little. Hopefully that will help. But I must keep pushing with the e... Sat, 17 Aug 2013 08:57:32 EST This is it - Day 10 Keep your fingers crossed for me Today I have eaten healthy all day. Now I just have to make it through the evening. I tend to go on binges in the evening so tonight will be a challenge. Trying really hard to lose the 2 lbs I gained this week, except that I was up most of the night. My mind was racing all night long. It's part of a condition I have where my brain just doesn't shut off. It's sort of like having the TV and radio blasting at the same time. I was so tired I just couldn't get myself to exercise today. I gu... Wed, 14 Aug 2013 18:30:26 EST This is it - Day 9 Dusting myself off I went into a feeding frenzy last night and ate my way through the evening. All healthy foods just too much of everything! Imagine my disgust when I stepped on the scale this morning! 1.8 lbs gained. Arghhhh! <BR> <BR> With every setback comes a lesson learned. Yesterday I learned that I need to leave the kitchen and go into the livingroom and do some deep breathing, or some crochet, or something when these urges to eat hit. Maybe next time I'll listen to my ipod. <BR> I also learn... Tue, 13 Aug 2013 15:40:43 EST Back on track. This is it - day 6 I lost 2 lbs this week! <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> Ate a little out of control last night but obviously it didn't affect my weight loss as of yet. I really feel that living in the present is the key to weight loss. I'm not worrying about what will happen tomorrow or next week when I go out for dinner, but I'm just focusing on the day. I'm staying in the moment. <BR> <BR> Exercise (other than my 1 hour walk on Monday) has eluded me this week. I'm feeling the low iron in my system and th... Sat, 10 Aug 2013 10:38:15 EST This is it - or is it? - day 4 Haven't been able to get myself to do all of my exercising that I planned for the week. My iron and hemoglobin levels are low still. It makes me feel like my limbs weight a ton, and just saps the energy right out of me. Back to the doctor I guess. Thought I was ready to do some exercising but I guess not today. <BR> <BR> Anyways, today I went grocery shopping all morning, running from store to store and bought lots of healthy food! Can't wait to try a few new recipes. Getting ou... Thu, 8 Aug 2013 16:32:52 EST Day 2- This is it! I got into the junk food a little bit yesterday, so for the rest of the week I'm going to eat only whole foods ie. whole grains, vegetables, beans and fruit. I'll add a little dairy in it as well. <BR> I'm hoping that if I can ward off my sweet tooth and carb cravings I can lose weight this week. This week I plan on exercising using the Spark workout generator. I like their bodyweight workout for beginners. Just my speed. I've always wanted to be strong enough to do push ups (don't ask m... Tue, 6 Aug 2013 08:02:53 EST This is it! Day 1 For the last year I have been doing this yo-yo weight loss where I lose 3 or 4 lbs and then gain them back. I've finally said enough is enough. I'm tired of this rollercoaster ride and I want off! I'm now more than ever, determined to lose 60 lbs once and for all. I'll take it in 5 lb increments and just focus on once day at a time. Time to get back into Spark a little bit more and start logging calories and doing some exercise. <BR> <BR> Exercise is not my friend, but I know I must d... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 16:27:29 EST Boy I miss steak! I'm trying to become vegetarian, or at least mostly vegetarian (flexitarian). I find I feel better eating this way, and the weight seems to come off a little easier. Plus in the summer, with the heat, I really don't like eating anything heavy. My doctor said it was a very healthy lifestyle so I'm going to try and go for it. I am eating meat only twice a week now maximum and I MISS STEAK! Oh well, lol, I have given up red meat for sure so I'll survive. <BR> <BR> This week I lost 1.5 lb... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 11:13:54 EST A better week (I hope) I have not done any strength exercises in over a year and a half except once in June. But gave up on it. I have decided to give up the weights (I do not like lifting weights) and go for body strength exercises such as squats and push ups. Even though I've had this planned out for weeks I have not yet attempted it, other than a few squats. I have no motivation, and I think I'm actually afraid to try because I'm afraid to fail again as I have for the past 17 years. Every time I go over my ... Sun, 28 Jul 2013 10:14:57 EST needing to vent Lately I have been feeling very tired and down. Had some bloodwork done and I am low on iron and my hemoglobin is low. I'm on iron pills now and am feeling a little energy creep back into me. Still feeling down because I'm too tired to exercise, and when I'm tired i eat like crazy. I've gained 4 lbs over the last two weeks. Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day so I'm hoping to get out for a walk. We finally have some warm weather here in Ontario. I'm trying to focus on the present and... Thu, 30 May 2013 16:01:44 EST Better Choices I realized today that every piece of food I put in my mouth is my choice. Every exercise session I skip or don't skip is by my choice. If I gain or lose a lb it's ultimately my choice. <BR> My depression and OCD is not by my choice but how I respond and react to them is. I tend to live in the past, and always dream of the future. It gets me nowhere. I have to be in the present. So from now on I'm going to ask myself over and over again, "what can I do for myself today?". Just today. ... Tue, 14 May 2013 11:05:33 EST Feeling hopeless? Help. This week has been hard for me. I haven't exercised, I've been straying from my food plan in the worse way, and today is just a bad day. <BR> <BR> I have been at the same weight for years now. I had lost 12 lbs last summer, but gained it all back since November. I'm feeling like I'm never going to get into the habit of exercising, and eating properly. I feel like I'm never going to lose this weight. I know I can't give up. I will keep on trying, or hoping. I'm not sure whether I'm jus... Fri, 26 Apr 2013 10:34:21 EST It was worth it! I finally dragged myself downstairs to do 3 weight exercises, core and back extentions. I whined to my poor husband the entire way through but I did it. It's been well over a year since I've touched a weight, and 3 weeks since I've done my core and back exercises. I have to admit I hate the whole process all the way though. Felt like I had been exercising for at least 45 min when I looked at the clock and only 15 min had gone by. LOL. Anyways, after it was all done, and I had had a littl... Thu, 18 Apr 2013 17:22:03 EST Plans gone astray Last week I had plans to exercise. I had it planned out in my daybook all nice and neat and nothing happened. I do not like exercise. I do not like to sweat, I do not like when my heart rate goes up, I just hate the whole ordeal. Yes, I'm whining. I have finally realized that I have to get tough with myself and just do it! Get the exercising in! Eat within my calorie range! No excuses, no whining, and just tough it up. Life's tough but I have diabetes and do not feel like getting co... Sun, 14 Apr 2013 07:28:00 EST Day 2 - back at it again Today I start counting calories again. I have a hard time staying withing my calorie range, but today I am going to do it. I will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. I have my back and core exercises schedualed for today. Just crunches and back extentions along with bridges but that tires me out enough. I'm soooo out of shape. My plan for next week is to add two weight exercises to what I do already, but I'm not sure about the treadmill yet. I do not like the treadmill one bit. Baby steps... Sat, 6 Apr 2013 11:19:11 EST back to Day 1- scared straight I have gained 6 lbs since the start of the year. Not doing so well. At least spring is around the corner so I can get out and walk. <BR> <BR> I have a bone malformation in my left wrist and it has a bit of arthritis in it. Everything I have read and heard tells women to lift weights for this. Lifting weights is very important for bone mass and strength especially in women. I have decided to start weights next week. My mother has critical osteoporosis and can break her hip just rolling ... Fri, 5 Apr 2013 09:28:26 EST Day 19 - feeling the hurt I can feel my aching muscles today. Did two days in a row of core exercises and wall pushups. I think today I need to take it easy. I was up with my back several times during the night. Not sure what I'll be able to do today. If my back feels better I'll do my back exercises and core again. The sooner I strengthen my back the sooner I'm on the treadmill. <BR> <BR> My mood is low today. I gained back the 2 lbs I lost last week, and I'm having trouble with after dinner snacking. I ea... Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:19:37 EST Day 18 - taking it slowly I still can't do the treadmill. My back just won't let me. I was able to do some wall pushups, crunches and back extentions today though. Better than nothing. Tomorrow I will try the treadmill again. It's snowing outside right now, so no signs of spring yet. I'd sure like to talk to that groundhog! Tue, 19 Mar 2013 18:33:21 EST day 15 move it or lose it I've decided it's move or rot. I have also decided that if I'm going to exercise I'm going to go all out. I want this weight off and am looking forward to increasing my exercise on Monday. Today's exercise will be my back exercises. Crunches and back extentions. That's about all I can do right now. But starting on Monday I'll add the treadmill. I hate the treadmill but it will get me in shape to go for long walks when the weather gets nicer. <BR> I'm desperately waiting for Spring to... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 11:35:39 EST Day 12 Starting over and no more quitting I have reset my Spark page settings, and I'm now starting over for the FINAL time. I did my exercises for my sore back yesterday and did stretches for 15 min this morning because my back is too sore to do anything else. At least I stretched. This evening I'm going to do more back exercises as it's slowly starting to feel better. Just 3 sets of 15 crunches, and 3 sets of 30 back extentions. They exhaust me. I'm sooo out of shape. Wanted to start an exercise video today but it's clear I ... Wed, 13 Mar 2013 17:24:22 EST Be your own cheering squad - Day 9 I thought I had reached my target weight for the end of this month during the week, but as usual I had too much to eat (didn't follow my calorie counter) and I gained back 1 1/2 lbs. I do this every week to myself, which gets me nowhere. So as of today, I'm going to start caring a little more about what i put into my body and start caring a little bit more about me. I'll do this by being more prudent with my calorie intake, and sticking to daily food plans, because I have diabetes and it's... Sun, 10 Mar 2013 09:31:32 EST Day 5- started exercising I've exercised twice this week. First time since November. I did core and back exercises. Next week I'm adding in wall pushups and calf raises. A special spark friend sparkmails me asking me if I exercises. It's thanks to spark friends like her and my many other spark friends that I feel like getting off my butt and start exercising to lose this weight. <BR> Thanks Wed, 6 Mar 2013 08:55:18 EST Nervous -day 4 I've been having OCD nightmares (the same nightmare over and over...) both in my sleep and when my guard is down when I'm sitting quietly on the couch. Awake. Daydreaming basically I guess. Have to shake it off and think more positively. Today for exercise I'm going to do core. Don't feel like getting on the treadmill today, but tomorrow I will. Never feel like exercising on the weekends, so I leave it for the weekdays. At least then I'm on a scheduale. <BR> I'm nervous about starting e... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 12:07:11 EST getting excited about exercise - day 3 Was up until about 1:30 am this morning agonizing over exercise and how I'm not doing it. I have OCD and I tend to obsess on things. I finally decided to start with the treadmill for 7 min (that's all I can do right now) and every fourth day I will add a minute to my time. I will also do core 3 days a week right after I get off the treadmill. I'm actually getting excited about exercise because I want to have that fit and healthy body that I deserve. Baby steps. I'll eventually add weig... Sat, 2 Mar 2013 10:59:12 EST Day 2- Come on Spring No core exercises got done yesterday. I let my depression get in the way. Today is going much better though. Just put together a lengthy crockpot recipe without being overwhelmed or needing any help, and I've showered and done some cleaning. Hopefully this means march will be a better month. Bring on Spring! Fri, 1 Mar 2013 10:48:29 EST Day 1 Today I'm going to do some core exercises to help strengthen my back (it's been sore lately and the extra weight causes pain). I'm also going to choose a recipe to make. Something vegetarian for a change. This past week all I've been doing is sleeping all day and all night. Getting up for meals and that's about it. I've been fighting the flu or a cold so I haven't been feeling the greatest. I'm exhausted this morning and don't know how productive my day is going to be. I'll take it one... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 09:09:04 EST A New Start For two years I have agonized over the scale every week, and was finally getting somewhere last summer when I got derailed in November of last year. I'm now at my heaviest weight in two years and feeling frustrated to say the least. I've decided to wipe the slate clean and start over from scratch. Forget the past and focus on the present. 186 is my new starting weight and I'll start from there. I bought some new exercise clothes and exercise dvds and I'm ready to start losing this weight... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 09:21:57 EST try again - week 2 Week 1 did not go so well for me. Only got core exercises done twice, and walked once. Bought a beginners Jillian Michaels dvd (beginners? lol) and I'm going to try to do it at least twice this week. I doubt I'll make it through the whole workout but I have to start somewhere. <BR> <BR> My eating was horrible this week. Didn't live up to my promise to myself to snack on veggies and fruit. This week will be better ( I hope). <BR> <BR> Lessons learned this week: <BR> 1. Always have ... Sun, 20 Jan 2013 14:31:37 EST A new plan Tomorrow starts the beginning of week 1 for me in my change of lifestyle. Trying to avoid the word diet, it overwhelms me. lol. This week I'm going to walk on Monday with a friend, and do 3 10 min strength exercise sessions. It's not much, but I have depression and it takes a lot to get me moving, so baby steps. <BR> <BR> Eating wise, I plan to snack on veggies mostly, and some fruit. Keeping the snacks small and as low calorie as possible. I'm a constant snacker. Time to change that... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 09:23:17 EST Bad january so steps Lost a little weight last year and then gained it all back in December. Got careless, and caught up in the holidays. Haven't lost any weight yet this year, but I am working on it. . Monday I walk about 3 km and on two other days it will be treadmill and weights again. Time to lose this weight. I have started with changing on bad habit ( munching on junk food) by cutting up some raw veggies in the morning while my coffee is being made ( it takes 5 minuites of my time). Instead of going ... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 15:32:16 EST Exercise excuses continue! I'm back up to about 178 lbs. I'm sure it will b e 179 by tomorrow. My husband says I plan exercise out very well, but I fail to execute. I do this all the time. I tore out all of the models and fitness model pictures out of my motivational book (see last blog), and I can for the first time imagine my own body after doing weights and other exercise. I can visualize my own results from exercise. I always just said 'I want to look like her". Now i want to look like a toned and muscular m... Sun, 14 Oct 2012 16:44:11 EST