CARMADAB's SparkPeople Blog CARMADAB's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Panic episode So, for several months, I have been working with a personal trainer. I LOVE it. I have gained so much! My balance is better than it has ever been. My strength is regained enough that I can work outdoors in the yard after a winter off without frequent breaks. I can bike better than I ever could (not my previous favorite activity, but I am learning.) <BR> <BR> I have seen a few negative things. My trainer hasn't encouraged my weight loss efforts and with my brooding after my foot surge... Thu, 8 May 2014 08:17:37 EST Have to go to the Gym? Do you have to go to the gym again today? <BR> <BR> How do you answer that question? When I ask myself, I answer "Yes, I get to go to the gym again today." So, when my loved one asks me if I have to go again today, I answered the same. So, why do I feel guilty? Why do I wonder if my goals and his will ever be the same? And why do I wonder if I can make it with his resistance? <BR> <BR> Of course I know I can. I just wanted it to be better this time. Thu, 19 Dec 2013 00:35:00 EST Strengthening thanks! Everything that I fail at is certainly due to my weakness. I struggle with extreme hunger and cheat too often with non nutritive fatty treats. I am weak and I admit that. <BR> <BR> Yet when I succeed, I know that someone higher loves me enough to help me become strong enough to do well. <BR> <BR> Today I was late for work and grabbed a quick snack for breakfast. Knowing my pre-packed lunch was nasty, I also brought an apple for a late morning snack. I ate that and felt a desire for m... Tue, 19 Nov 2013 00:28:48 EST Hard Choices I did a bit better on my calorie intake today. <BR> <BR> How? <BR> Why? <BR> What can I do? <BR> <BR> "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." - Dr. Seuss <BR> <BR> One day at a time. <BR> Because it is best. <BR> Take care of what you have. <BR> <BR> "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." - Dr. Seuss. <BR> <BR> I took care of me. I actually seen a doctor today for my foot. He told me I must have a high... Wed, 23 Oct 2013 23:44:34 EST Look up <img src=""> <BR> <BR> When things get you down. Look up. You can be what you want to be. I am on my way to what I want to be. <BR> <BR> No exercise, it was my day off. I haven't lost weight yet, but I will. <BR> <BR> Today I ate well and had an enjoyable Sunday in my house with the TV and my husband. I talked with him about why I put the pounds back on. He really thinks he supports my weight loss efforts. I guess I need to tr... Sun, 6 Oct 2013 23:40:46 EST Moderation <img src="">Two days ago I was listening to an audio book titled "Wishes Fulfilled." I can't say that I believed everything he said in the book, but a couple of things rang true: <BR> <BR> When I say or think anything that begins with I Am, the remainder of the sentence should remain positive. The I part of the sentence refers to the me inside, the real me, not the outer shell that looks a lot lumpier and more wrinkly than the real me... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 00:00:24 EST I can be flexible Age slowly makes its presence known upon all of us a little at a time. <BR> <BR> It speeds up a bit in my life when I go back to sitting in a chair 8 hours a day or more. I am stiff when I try to stand up and I have to stand up carefully so I don't fall down if my ankle gives out. I have to get up and down several times in a day and I know it is good exercise, but age is showing its ugly face and fear falling every time I stand back up. <BR> <BR> And my allergies act up this time of yea... Thu, 29 Aug 2013 23:59:44 EST Worthy of Respect? It is true. I am so afraid of failure that I don't allow myself to succeed. <BR> <BR> I am so afraid of success because I always feel like a failure. <BR> <BR> It is true that I lost 55 pounds, and after 2 years put more than half of it back. Did you notice that? I just mentioned (again) how I am not successful because I failed to keep it off. I gained it back because I felt like I wasn't completely successful and I needed to be "the person I truly am". <BR> <BR> Of course, none of... Sun, 18 Aug 2013 00:06:42 EST Letter of Encouragement Dear Self, <BR> <BR> It is too bad that you feel discouraged about weight loss. When you say that you aren't sure you want to live to care for the man that won't admit his need to participate in weight loss efforts, you do realize that you are being selfish. When you married, you promised to have and to hold in sickness and in health. <BR> <BR> I think you are afraid to succeed. I think you are afraid that people will praise and idolize you. You do really dislike undeserved praise and... Sat, 17 Aug 2013 00:06:08 EST My goals and tough questions I think everybody, at some time or other, thinks about their weight at how it affects them. My husband, for example weighs well over 340 pounds. He refuses to take influence from me to lose the weight and insists that he is "big boned" insinuating that he is fine the way he is. Yet, he still goes through periods of fasting and binge afterward, which indicates that he is aware of his weight and wants to lose it. He just doesn't know how, nor does he want to admit this to me or sometimes, e... Thu, 15 Aug 2013 23:50:16 EST Don't judge me. We do not judge the people we love. Jean-Paul Sartre <BR> <BR> If I were looking at my Spark tracking only and was clueless as to what I was doing instead, I would think that I were giving up or too busy or other goals were higher priority than weight loss. <BR> <BR> My food tracking is hit and miss. My exercise tracker is even worse. The last time I wrote a blog was the tenth! I can't even begin to describe what this virtual person MUST be doing.... <BR> <BR> In reality, I have be... Fri, 26 Jul 2013 00:29:27 EST Getting stronger Today I mowed the lawn in the morning and then tonight I ran 5 miles. Or I should say walk/jogged 5 miles. <BR> <BR> I felt stronger and I thought I was faster than I was... which means that I felt good. <BR> <BR> And my pants fit... OH yeah! <BR> <BR> If I feel this good now, how great it will feel when I lose another 4 pounds. Wed, 10 Jul 2013 00:24:53 EST Remain positive My goal for today was to (regardless of how many goals I didn't keep) be proud of myself for what I did do. <BR> <BR> 1. I ate my pre-portioned lunch without complaint. <BR> 2. I went carb-free for dinner. <BR> 3. I ate 2 servings of fruit today and 4 servings of vegetables. <BR> 4. I drank 8 cups of water. <BR> 5. I posted my goals on my desk where I could see them. <BR> 6. i stayed in calorie range and was honest about it. <BR> 7. I exercised even though it was getting late. <BR> 8. On ... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 00:03:47 EST Round one complete. What a nice day it has been. We rested today and I was able to do some work on organizing my pictures into a digital photo album. I have a lot more to go, but I made quite a bit of progress. I like having days that I can just focus on myself. <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> I ate within calorie range and skipped the exercise today since I am not feeling too energetic. I am planning on going through the 2 week diet plan again and hope for more results. Sun, 7 Jul 2013 23:04:51 EST Two months later It's been two months since I wrote my last blog entry. I have been busy and I am pleased with the changes I am seeing. <BR> <BR> For example, when I last mowed the lawn, I didn't even have to stop to rest and did an additional hour of yard work afterward. <BR> <BR> July is my slow month at work. I only go in once a week. So, I get much more activity into my day. I LOVE being outdoors and spend at least half of each day outside working in the yard. When I do this, I don't even have ... Sat, 6 Jul 2013 21:11:43 EST Out of breath and out of shape Another letter just sent off to the boy of mine in Michigan. He is having the time of his life. I am happy for his success and the life he is living. <BR> <BR> My week has been an eye-opener. I went to Pilates on Monday night and had to rest through half of it due to lower back pain. I did my back exercises on Tuesday night and walked 5 miles on Wednesday night. Thursday I went to a meeting and didn't do any of it. Friday I worked in the yard and pulled dandelions for over an hour, t... Mon, 6 May 2013 00:00:24 EST Empty Nest exclamations It is only the two of us now. Just me and the love of my life. It is going greater than I imagined it would be. Whenever we run across a problem we try to keep adjusting until we find a resolution. <BR> <BR> For example, I love to try new recipes. I bought a low-calorie, healthy recipe book at a book sale. I spent hours planning menus. My DH however, prefers his high-fat comfort food, of which I can eat but little. I happen to like to eat. I make one of my recipes, of which he eats b... Sat, 4 May 2013 00:46:06 EST national Prime rib day Who knew that national prime rib day was April 27??? <BR> <BR> My husband loves prime rib. <BR> <BR> Prime rib happens to come from the fattest part of the cow. One piece can house up to 750 calories and 45 grams of fat! Plus, 8 ounces has 450 mg cholesterol. <BR> <BR> Sometimes I get a bit anemic at my age. Beef sounds good when I am missing the iron. So does spinach and a few other favorites. <BR> <BR> There are other cuts to choose from including beef tenderloin which has onl... Sat, 27 Apr 2013 19:02:57 EST Strong as a pine tree Today was one of those days where it is winter for a few minutes and then spring like the next. From my inside view, the outdoors looks inviting, sunny and the green grass is starting to poke through, and the buds forming on the trees. But step outside and it is quickly evident that looks can be deceiving as the cold breeze nips at the nose and fingers. <BR> <BR> All around, I hear discouraged comments about the weather. To be ready for spring because then I will be able to... (fill in t... Sat, 23 Mar 2013 21:12:12 EST sliding again After this many days of sliding, I need to find a way to score within calorie range more days than not. As I thought about this today, I am going to award myself up to 2 points per day, one for no sugar and one for staying within calorie range. Today, I kinda stayed out of the sugar - no point there, but I did stay within range. I am kinda havin a rough time of it, but I made it. So I get one point. <BR> <BR> I need to earn 72 points to earn a reward. How do I find a non-calorie reward?... Sun, 17 Mar 2013 23:36:26 EST The sun (was) shining It is so nice to finally be past the worst of that respiratory infection!!! And today was such a nice bright sunny day! The snow, while lingering, has melted enough to see mud! I wish I had been able to go walking before the sun dipped below the horizon. But I will go walking! I have a date with the dog and her leash right after dinner. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I was worried about my calories today, and noticed that somehow I slid ju... Tue, 5 Mar 2013 20:36:15 EST Euphoric Pilates I finally made it to the gym today. I did a pilates class. It has been so long since I exercised that I am sure I will feel it tomorrow. <BR> <BR> I love how I feel after a day of exercise. The pain tomorrow is so worth the feeling i have right now. The euphoria is why I love exercise. <BR> <BR> My problem of course, is that I tend to eat more to keep going. My goal is to stay within calorie range WHILE increasing my activity level. (It is easy to say that in my euphoric state.) Tue, 5 Mar 2013 00:21:16 EST What a week I have had a bit of a cold this week - Okay a rather nasty one... <BR> So, i haven't taken the time to do all I need to do for my weight loss efforts, including this blog. <BR> I almost feel like I can breathe again, so with baby steps I am coming back. <BR> Yesterday i logged my foods. Today i added the blog. <BR> Maybe by Monday I can exercise again. <BR> <BR> In spite of it all, I really couldn't stop. I have had 2 assistants quit from my office and of the other three, one is most rel... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 00:18:50 EST Thoughts of the day It seems that most of us are never to old to be a kid. If you have squashed your inner child you really should find a way to bring them back. <BR> <BR> Usually my morning is a quiet one. I study and prepare my mind for the upcoming day. I go to work and then later I sneak in some exercise - since activity both warms me up when I am so cold at the end of the day and it relaxes me and helps me sleep. <BR> <BR> This morning I chose to study paper airplanes. I think i will have my cub scouts... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 00:18:48 EST Committed to I did a better job of following my healthy guidelines today. <BR> <BR> These guidelines include: <BR> 1. Do not eat chocolate. <BR> 2. Only eat at meal times and planned snacks if necessary. <BR> 3. Pre-plan all meals and stick to the plan. <BR> 4. Drink all my water during planned watering times. <BR> 5. Exercise at least 5 days a week. (planned) <BR> 6. Find REAL solutions to my problems - not just mask them with junk food. <BR> <BR> All day If I tried to reach for something ... Wed, 23 Jan 2013 23:11:24 EST A friend unveils the mask Do you have any idea what it is like to have to try and get X,Y,and Z accomplished while saving the world without a computer to do the menial tasks for you?!!! <BR> <BR> I have spent this entire week trying to manage the paper method of watching the influx of volunteers and visitors at our school (not to mention the late and absent students) all the while accomplishing the multitude of "to do now," tasks and the emergencies that pop up every few minutes such as injuries incurred while trying... Fri, 18 Jan 2013 23:06:42 EST Plan helped The stress ball helped - some. <BR> It was the first day after all. <BR> <BR> Today, I woke and had such a great morning. I went to work with a smile on my face and except for the snow and ice, the spring in my step would have been there. I came in and answered the ringing telephone. <BR> <BR> ... and it went from nice to stress filled in a matter of 15 minutes. I won't go into details, but let's say I had problem after problem and one of them really made me mad. <BR> <BR> Normally... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 22:42:09 EST STRESS BALLS? I was good until 2 p.m. <BR> 2 p.m. seems to be my weakness. <BR> If I could only get from 2 until 7 without sticking something in my mouth!!! <BR> I even had a banana, which I promptly ate to get through it and then? It seemed I had given myself permission to go ahead. <BR> <BR> The problem is I am usually not even really hungry but want to keep my mouth busy. <BR> I think I need to try the stress ball tomorrow and keep the hands busy. I did touch the ball today, but my weak hands did... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 00:12:24 EST Let go of the pop tarts Do you remember the "Let go of my Eggo" commercials? <BR> Those silly family members were sneaking around trying to get the "Eggo" waffle first, as if it were a prized possession. <BR> <BR> I like hot food. Not spicy, hot. Especially when I am cold. So a nice freshly toasted pop tart has hit the spot. And the calories have done their job. I have gained some of the weight back and the scales are headed the wrong direction. <BR> <BR> It is time to let go of the pop tarts. A nice hot... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 09:31:13 EST It is still snowing It has snowed and snowed and snowed. I woke up at 5:30 this morning to dig myself out and get to school. By 6 I was a bit worried that I wouldn't make it. My son came out and we dug together. Then the district called a snow day! <BR> . <BR> A full day to shovel and play in the snow and I don't even have to go out in the car! OH my, I am so glad I stayed extra long yesterday I got my work done so that now I don't have to worry! <BR> <BR> I worked hard today. It took the 2 of us all of... Fri, 11 Jan 2013 23:31:12 EST Trying to define my day Bleeding noses <BR> Dropping temperatures <BR> Ice bags, please <BR> Lost tooth <BR> He threw up all over <BR> I don't feel good - how don't you feel good- I don't know <BR> Can you find some better prizes? <BR> Sore throats <BR> Hit in the face with a (name your object) <BR> Can I just... - NO <BR> Please send ___ for his medication <BR> <BR> Can you tell I work with students during flu season on a winter day? No wonder I have a headache. <BR> <BR> I did eat well - until 4:00 when I wa... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 22:55:39 EST I'm back It has been a bit busy around here this past two weeks. I thought I would be back on line before now, but now I am back. I MUST log on my calories every day and recording my thoughts here on this blog has helped as well. Here is to jumping back in to the weight-loss routine. Mon, 7 Jan 2013 00:00:41 EST December 23, 2012 Such a nice day today. The calm before the storm. At least I hope we will have snow for Christmas. A storm is supposed to hit tomorrow morning and last all day with possible accumulation 2-4 inches. I am looking forward to it. I will have to get my shopping done early tomorrow. Sun, 23 Dec 2012 23:05:01 EST The first day of kindness So, I heard it tell that Ann Curry inspired much of the nation to perform 26 acts of Kindness as a response to the tragedy in Newton, Connecticut. I like the number 27 better. So here is the first of 27 acts of kindness. <BR> <BR> Today, I accompanied my husband on a trip to his parents vacation home to prepare for their visit in a few days time. We opened up the doors and turned on the heat and water heater, and opened the water valves into the house. When we went to start the pilot in... Sun, 23 Dec 2012 00:41:43 EST December 21, 2012 I love Christmas. There is Christmas music, Christmas presents, Christmas candy, the Joy of Christmas, the spirit of Christmas, and I could go on a long while. <BR> <BR> Today was the last day of school until January 2. The students all crowded together and sang Christmas music and it was very touching to hear so many little voices singing and having fun doing it. I love the Reindeer Twist, the Hot Chocolate song and so many others. Then Santa came and handed out candy canes. <BR> <BR>... Fri, 21 Dec 2012 23:10:35 EST December 16, 2012 Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. <BR> Author Unknown <BR> <BR> Believe that you can do it and it can be done. <BR> <BR> Hold on to that belief and do not give up. <BR> <BR> Never let those around you or even yourself sabotage your efforts. <BR> <BR> Acknowledge your strengths and increase them. <BR> <BR> Exercise your weaknesses until they too become stren... Sun, 16 Dec 2012 21:45:16 EST December 13, 2012 I didn't do very well on the diet today. So bad I don't want to log it even if i could remember what i ate. Mostly because I am so tired. I didn't sleep well last night. To avoid the same pitfall tomorrow, i am going to try to get to bed earlier. And tomorrow is a new day. Thu, 13 Dec 2012 23:55:43 EST December 12, 2012 I weighed in today under 170 again. I have set a goal to not cross that line again! Of course I may have to be a bit flexible when the TOM comes round unless I can lose a couple more pounds before then. <BR> <BR> Tonight my husband took me out to a local mexican restaurant. The place has been a favorite of ours because it is authentic and tastes good - until about 6 months ago when the quality started going downhill. I ordered a bean and cheese burrito and a lettuce and tomato salad on t... Wed, 12 Dec 2012 23:36:35 EST December 11, 2012 today we had a meeting at 8. I made it in a bit early and did a few things before the meeting. We all dove into the meeting room as soon as the boss arrived, eager to get the discussion on and finished before the morning classes begin. The first of 6 items on the agenda took 30 minutes. With a mere 15 minutes left, we briefly discussed the remaining items, one of which was due two days ago. With the sound of the bells ringing in our ears, the others left the room. The lead person for ou... Tue, 11 Dec 2012 23:58:27 EST December 10, 2012 “The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” <BR> &#8213; Martha Washington <BR> <BR> I've struggled this past several days with getting back my cheery disposition. I have worked hard over the past 6 years to build a reputation of radiance in the work place. I try to avoid the pitfalls of emotional rollercoastering. I am not always successful, but I try. This week was not successful because of some hurtful words that have ha... Mon, 10 Dec 2012 23:37:07 EST December 9, 2012 When my eyes cracked open at 7 am this morning I realized that I slept a full 8 hours for the first time in many days. When thirst drove me out of my warm bed, I took a peek out the window on the way to the water tap. A white blanket covered the ground and more was falling softly from the skies. I quickly grabbed my water and a warm blanket as I do most mornings to begin my quest to rehydrate. <BR> <BR> It was a good Sunday, I ate within range. The snow had stopped falling by the time ... Sun, 9 Dec 2012 21:43:53 EST December 7,2012 I am finally eating again in my calorie range. I made myself eat the luncheon that was brought in to work today. Of course I didn't feel like eating what I made for my husband for dinner so i ate a small snack later. The last time I ate in my calorie range was last Sunday and I was starting to feel like my body had regressed to starvation mode. I may gain some of the pounds back now that I am eating again, but I started running again today and that may help. I ran about 1/3 of the 5 mile... Sat, 8 Dec 2012 01:05:30 EST December 5, 2012 It isn't always easy being nice. <BR> <BR> Sometimes people hurt my feelings. And these people are the ones I most want to please. I don't want to hurt them back- honest. I just want them to stop resisting me and have a little fun. Just a little. Why does it seem like this is just too much to ask? <BR> <BR> On a positive note: Before my appendectomy my stomach would ache fiercely after a day like today. Today, the pain is noticeably gone. For good. I don't have an intense need to e... Thu, 6 Dec 2012 00:12:43 EST December 4, 2012 December 4 is the 338th day of the year (339th in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. There are 27 days remaining until the end of the year. <BR> <BR> 27 is my favorite number!!!! What a great day to know that there are 27 days left of this year!!! I think I will celebrate by listing 27 things I am grateful for: <BR> <BR> 1. The ability to breathe deeply. <BR> 2. The smell of freshly fallen rain. <BR> 3. Christmas lights that sparkle. <BR> 4. books on MP3 to entertain the senses. <BR>... Tue, 4 Dec 2012 22:14:54 EST December 3, 2012 I had a hard time getting myself out of bed this morning after 8 full hours of sleep. I made it to work only 15 minutes late. I was very dizzy/light headed. I did eat a little breakfast before 10:30. However, that was a mistake since I started with gastrointestinal symptoms shortly afterward. I haven't been sick in many years like I have been this year. <BR> <BR> I thought I could make it and I did until my co-worker offered to take over and told me to go home about 2:30. I slept ano... Mon, 3 Dec 2012 22:31:41 EST Sunday special It was a special day. My grandson came to visit. My daughter wanted to get him a tablet. I wasn't using mine. (I don't admit that my ability to advance as quickly as technology is quite limited.) The only thing that I really used on it was the games I put on for him in the first place. So she came to get it. He really is quite amazing on the thing. He's only 2 1/2 and he's dragging and dropping as quick as can be. <BR> <BR> He has learned the words Thank you and Please and is now c... Sun, 2 Dec 2012 22:10:22 EST It's December and It is really December! This is "the most wonderful time of the year." <BR> <BR> My favorite thing about December is the Christmas music. I also love the snow and keep watching for that to happen. I love the preparations for our family activities. <BR> <BR> Today began with a 45 minute drive to a town not far from here where I visited with my brother's family. He baptized his son and we were able to visit with them afterwards. I need to be better at pulling my family together for act... Sun, 2 Dec 2012 00:35:37 EST November 29, 2012 “I want to be challenged I want to work and I want to feel that I am not being held back that there is something in front of me something more inspiring than... just eating breakfast you know” <BR> ― Sofia Vassilieva <BR> <BR> I had some minor set backs in my recovery. Today I visited with the doctor. The medication they gave me can cause dizziness. I guess I am the lucky one. I had to come straight home from work and take an hour rest. Luckily, a break was all that was needed and I w... Thu, 29 Nov 2012 23:30:10 EST November 27, 2012 The cravings are upon me still.... <BR> I am back to where I started with my weight one week ago. I guess that isn't too bad considering that Thanksgiving was stuck in there. I want calories!!!! I don't need them. I am doing fine. I am keeping busy. <BR> <BR> Actually, I am on my way out the door. There is a concert tonight and my son and I plan to attend. The less I think about food and the more I think about music and good feelings, the happier I will be. Tue, 27 Nov 2012 20:30:18 EST November 25, 2012 I went over my calories today. I have been so good so long!!! Why did I mess up now, and for some 3 Musketeers! UGH! <BR> <BR> Actually I am not extremely mad at myself, rather just disappointed. I don't need chocolate! I certainly didn't need the calories. I am sure it had something to do with the fact I didn't drink all my water today. I must do better. One day will not severely hamper my efforts, I just can't repeat it anytime soon. And you know, even though I think I want anothe... Sun, 25 Nov 2012 22:11:56 EST